http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:tartomatic5000&section=today deviantART RSS for by:tartomatic5000 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:00:03 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/19344101/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/19344101/ Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:15:08 PDT
[link]

xD Don't ask about the name.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/14078563/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/14078563/ Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:09:41 PDT
So Otakon was the greatest thing ever, despite being sick and in massive amounts of pain the entire time. I got a week hanging out with my best friend and for once felt normal. It was wonderful.

And ah, for anyone that cares, though I think I am more talking to myself with journal entries, I want to talk about someone wonderful in my life right now. His name is Will. xD And I love him more than anything. I've been in love many times before, but nothing in my life compares in the least. I've had a lot of bad luck, and ugh... there has been so much drama and tears and everything lately. I left a relationship that had been going on for maybe a year? I don't know the start was hazy, but I left him for someone I'd gotten close to so fast it took a while to catch up to me. Somewhere a long the way I lost a friend, hurt another, and probably will never get back the friendship I had in my last relationship, and don't deserve it, but everything, ah, it has been worth it all just to see how happy not just he makes me, but me him. n_n I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Hell I've never been sure of anything in my life really. x__x

But yeah. Money sucks right now, but that's okay. xD I spent $40 bucks I didn't have to commission our favorite artist and my awesomest friend Rin to draw us for our one month yesterday, ahh, she showed me a preview and I like, melted. It's so awesome.

Hmm. I'm going to try school yet again. Taking a photography class, which is got me giddy, and hoping I'm good enough to go somewhere with it. I really am interested in it. Plus it'd be awesome to get another job somewhere, cause I could use the money. I have to pay for school, my car is on it's last leg, and with all that I'm still trying to find a way to move out, and hopefully help Will move here.

u_u Yes. Long distance relationships are fun. I hate when people ask how we met. Online. Omg! Seeing as the only relationships I have had with any even slight amount of success are online, at least in start... I really don't care anymore what people think.

Oh yeah, I meant to talk about the other reason Otakon was so awesome was cause that's how I got to finally meet him in person, nvm the mass amounts of time talking online, on phone and webcam before that, xD, but ah... human contact... I usually shun it... but it has never felt so wonderful. It was so much fun just to be with two people that mean the most to me in this world, and that I hardly ever see. The rest didn't matter so much.
Ah, GAIA STAFF WAS THERE. I HUGGED LANZER AND OTHER STAFF, I AM A LOSER! xD But it was awesome.

So yeah... a little update on a lot that has been happening in my life.
Oh yeah, no more people I know are allowed to die, wtf.

I might draw something soon and upload it, it might not be soon. Though I hope to start adding some more photos when my class starts up, and I'll share a bunch with ya'll. <3



xDDD I love how I got my brothers just as Narutarded as me.
The littler one keeps walking around saying..

TWO WEEK OLD SPOILER ALERT....


"Tobi's a good boy! And the mastermind behind Akatsuki!"
Lol. But ah, I loved Tobi from the start. D< All you new lovers are posers. xDDD <3 So yeah. I'll try to be more active I guess.


SUMMER HEAT IS HORRIBLE.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/13438897/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/13438897/ Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:23:31 PDT OTAKON IS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY. SO MANY PEOPLE I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE.

So yeah. My laptop is still dead, as well as our computer. It makes me sad. I pulled an old one out, and use it. But photoshop dies on it all the time. suuuuucks ass.

Hmm, about all I've done lately is sketch this, [link] and start to clean it up. But even that I haven't touched in like, weeks and weeks. Other than a few stupid scribbles, nothing.

Buuut. Otakon has me doing flips so exciting. Life sucks lately, but this is like, making me look forward so much and be so happy. It's seriously going to be the best time ever. ;-; My bestest friend ever comes up from SC, I haven't seen her since we met in September. And and and -freaks- She's coming up early, so I get a whole fucking week with her. x_x I'm so lucky. ;-; It's going to be the best ever. And then we get to dress up and go to Otakon together... and with my brothers, and one of their friends, D< but oh well. xD, And gaia panel and and and
omg... so many people will be there I want to meet.... especially one. >.>

SO YEAAAAAAAAAAH

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/12654903/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/12654903/ Thu, 19 Apr 2007 13:00:42 PDT
And I won't even get into how many things at work stop going in my hands. xD

Ugggggh.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/12502281/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/12502281/ Sat, 07 Apr 2007 21:18:26 PDT But no, I am coming back to DA. I miss it and everyone so much. ;-;
And if I don't start drawing again soon, I'll kill something, and I really just don't feel like going to jail just yet in life.

RIGHT NOW I AM HYPER BECAUSE I'M GOING TO OTAKON!!!

And expect some art from me in a few days. Laptop or no, I'm just going to start adding my shit to this computer. >>

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11452559/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11452559/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 19:43:03 PST




BUT.



T_T My laptop died. I got the dreaded blue screen of death.

I have to find the CD that came with it, and try and replace the missing file. BUT GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS.

LOSING EVERTHING. I hate it so much. There's so much art, music, photos, writings, ugh, programs, everything on there. I hate it.

And damnit, I was ready to get back into drawing and everything. I'm so mad.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11392964/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11392964/ Wed, 10 Jan 2007 23:06:58 PST
I'll come back soon. I'm just in an off period.
And can't draw for crap. u_u

Which I guess is fine. I just need to get my humor back, and I can fill my gallery with shitty parodies. Cause they are not only easy, but fun.

xD

I have an idea for a comic too, TOTALLY UN-NARUTO RELATED.
But still involving ninjas and poor drawing skillz. Ho'yeah.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11121640/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/11121640/ Tue, 19 Dec 2006 21:51:44 PST
And like, them deleting my two .gifs made me sad... so yeah.

Plus gaiaonline.com is taking alot of my freetime.

xD I feel popular there.


Ahhh, I got a bunch of favs and comments on [link] all of a sudden... that's weird.

Soooo.... what's up?

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10971680/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10971680/ Wed, 06 Dec 2006 12:10:27 PST
I'm so sick of everything.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10827962/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10827962/ Thu, 23 Nov 2006 20:54:10 PST
Um, so alot has been going down. I don't even know if I want to talk about it or not.

I've come into alot of realizations about myself and why I do certain things, and it's scared me, along with other things... and blah blah blah.

I'm crying alot, and hating myself even more!~!
Now with more complete disrespect toward those who care!!
And if you call now I'll even throw in some more idiotic behavior and confusion!!


...Yeah, so umm... my parents figured out that I stopped going to classes.
About that, I don't even know why, I really don't. Okay, so 2 I knew why. No matter how hard I tried, my brain just couldn't work through any of it.
But the other 2 I loved and made me so happy... I just don't know why going and sitting in my car with nothing to do for hours was preferred... but it doesn't matter anymore.

I got mad at them, we were sitting and talking... well, mostly them talking, and me refusing to talk or look at them. Seriously, I made my mom really mad, and she walked out the room cause she was afraid of hurting me, cause I was that fucking disrespectful... and you know what, I wanted her to. I wanted them to hit me or throw stuff at me, or anything. I got mad that they didn't...

I think what did it was when at one point my dad asked me what I was going to do, if I was planning on killing myself... and I didn't answer.
I don't know. I'm so confused inside my own head I hate it.
I should know who I am. What I feel. Why I do things. I should have reasons, but I don't for any of it. I can't stand this. I know I couldn't hurt myself... not now, no matter how much I want to sometimes. But I think... maybe I'm trying to push everyone away, and make things so bad for myself that I'll get low ans desperate enough to do it. Does that make sense? I'm scared of myself. Lol.
How lame.

Well, after more yelling at me and lots of crying they decided to take a step and force me to do things. I have an appointment with my doctor tuesday and an appointment with a psychologist thursday.
I don't want to go to either.
I can't even explain it, but I'm so angry at them, just for this.
I.. I have to go to, cause my health insurance goes away at the end of the year, so I'm desperately trying to get my own through work, but I only have a few days left to do that...
I don't know, but I don't want to do it.
I can't do it.
Just like I could never pick up the phone all those times I said I would. I don't know why, and I can't explain it. It's just such a strong feeling.
It's stupid.
I don't want to be sick... I want to be better. I want to be able to think again. To make sense of things. I want to have energy. To have a life out there.
But I don't at the same time. I don't understand it.
I don't want to touch people. I don't want that contact, those questions, or anything. While I was crying my dad touched my arm and I shoved him off... but I wanted so bad to be a little girl again in his arms. I wanted to be comforted, but refused it when it was given to me... Everything is just a mess. And everytime I try to sort anything out it just gets worse...

I don't know what I'm going to do..
I keep behaving in such a horrible way. I just hate myself more for it. I love my family more than anything, and yet... I treat them worse than I would an enemy... Why?
I'm making their lives a living hell.
Am I really that fucking self-centered that I don't care?
How the hell am I supposed to make things better. No matter what I want or wish to do, there's still no thoughts, nothing. I just do. And regret.

Sometimes I think I'm afraid of going and there being nothing wrong. Nothing that any of this can be blamed on. That I'm really just this horrible, and deserve to die and rot in the hell I'm forcing everyone else around me to live in.








Sorry, I don't know why I still write in here... I guess it's the closest thing to a journal I've ever had... And I figure for putting up with me so long, and being such wonderful people, you deserve to know what's going on.

Not that I'm even too sure myself, heheh...

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10695118/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10695118/ Sat, 11 Nov 2006 22:19:19 PST
Life sucks.

I actually am starting to do something about it.

But not really?

I dunno.

Who cares?


I'm back. Unless my computer gets taken away that is.

I WANNA DRAW.
Omg, that 100 thing inspires me so much... if only I was determined...

Umm... yeah, so I owe so many people so many things, that I've forgotten, so I'm doing this, if I owe you something, just comment, and tell me what it is I owe you.

(or if you want something? >> )

Cause yeah, I give up on past things and trying to remember anything anymore.

Err... that's all? I'm just deleting all my messages. I don't care right now. I've been having cramps and such for like, I think almost two weeks now, and I finally decided to do what I need and make an appointment. Four doctors later and the soonest I can get someone to see me is Feb. x_x I quit. Lol.

Anyone here, other than that loser Rin<3, on Gaiaonline? Lol, guess who somehow is like, super in the storyline.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10577036/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10577036/ Tue, 31 Oct 2006 23:35:29 PST
]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10443863/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10443863/ Thu, 19 Oct 2006 10:24:17 PDT I just felt like throwing some of my crap up here.
I'm going to go jump off a cliff somewhere now, lol.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10440807/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10440807/ Thu, 19 Oct 2006 01:23:37 PDT
Buuuut! There is a problem. I suck, lol. I just can't do that kind of art for the life of me... So what I'd like is for someone to help me. No, I'm not like, going to write it and make you do everything, I'm happy to do as much as possible. I've already laid out the first few pages. It's just, I know I can't put the emotion and that quality touch on any of it, lol. So yeah, if anyone is even remotely interested, feel free to comment me, note me, e-mail me, (lostcontrol926@yahoo.com), or message me on msn. (lostcontrol26@hotmail.com).

And here I ramble on a bit of what it's about.
It's in the future, sorta my take on the 'series ending', and each chapter deals with a character Naruto has impacted. It deals with future, and past, lots of flashback fill in gaps stuff. And then the final chapter sorta ties it all together. But I can't talk about that yet. >>

If it wasn't four in the morning, I'd scan the first few layouts to show you, but yeah... scanner is too loud. Sasuke is first. Hmm... I don't know what else to say. I'll talk more about it if anyone is interested.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10413978/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10413978/ Mon, 16 Oct 2006 15:31:55 PDT
And I have two things of awesome to share!
[link]
Narutowned!
Rin showed me this. It's freaking awesome. I've been wanting to do something similiar too, lol. If only I had skills!
The timings off in the youtube verison, but it doesnt' have to be downloaded, so yeah.

Annnnnd, for all of you who used to watch Yu-Gi-Oh, those Satuarday mornings back in the day. (Lol, what? a few years ago maybe...) These will make you laugh.
[link]
Yugioh! The abriged series! The guy who does them is awesome, and the voicing is wonderful, and it makes me laugh so much.
And yes, I used to watch it.
((PUPPYSHIPPING FOREVER!))
I think Yugioh was my first real dwelving into the world of fandom. Now, to go find my cards! >>

These are awesome, and make me froget about my life falling apart around me! Lol.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10402968/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10402968/ Sun, 15 Oct 2006 15:43:38 PDT
I've become so shitty lately too.
Skipping class cause I can't take it.
Not finishing stuff.
Breaking promises.
And just not caring.

I'm sick of being sleepy all the time.
Yet I'm stupid and it's probably my fault, cause I don't take my synthroid.
Awww, bad headaches all the time?
Yet what do I do to seek help?
Sit on my ass and whine.

I barely do anything.
And I don't want to.
I get mad about not having a social life.
But I don't even want one.
I just want to sleep and fade away.

When I'm happy, it's wonderful.
But then it ends.
ANd I don't give a shit.


This head fucking sucks right now.
I want to do something. Write or draw, or read, just anything.
But I can't focus.


Gaara Sense has now over 200 favs.
I'd be so excited.
If I gave a care.
But I don't.
Cause that's not going to suddenly make my failure at everything around me better.

I don't even want to suceed anymore I fear.
And that's scary.
I hate myself for that.
And still not caring.
Stupid bitch.

Oh, I also said a giant fuck this, and deleted everyhting again.
Like I said I'd never do, and have like, three times since.
LOL, FAIL.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10309779/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10309779/ Sat, 07 Oct 2006 00:34:28 PDT
lsldkfjlsdfjls fasl fsan bnvpew nlg;

Yeah, so I'm so not keeping up with anything right now, sorry, but yeah... I'm slowly going.

I'm so sick of life feeling like a chore, or something I just have to do. I really wish there was an easier way to like, die, but so that no one noticed? Hmm, like, sorta fade out of existance so it wasn't selfish, and you didn't hurt anyone. Hmm, yes. That'd be cool. Just disappear. I hate it really. I miss Nikk too, cause I can't talk to her, cause her stupid computer sucks, and I wish I could go back to that weekend with the con. It felt so good to be comfortable around someone, and to not worry about what you want to say to them, and to just have someone to hug. I miss that. As much as I or people around me try, it's so hard to be comfortable around them.

That and I don't like talking to people, cause I can't keep a straight train of thought, it's like impossible, cause of how fucked up my head has gotten, but I didn't even worry when I was around Nikk. Grrrr, she's too awesome to live far away.

Ew, my parents cut off the computer access, so all I can do is sneak on. It's cause I'm a lazy ass. Nevermind I'm tired all the time lately, I can't seem to wake up, even with my alarm going off constantly, and my headaches make me want to sleep more I think. Oh, not to mention the fact that I just want to die every freaking day. It's become an everyday thing and I hate it. At least I'm not stupid or selfish enough to do it. Meh, I couldn't anyways. It's hard to have enough will to harm yourself ya know. And I have no will anyways.

I hate that I don't even eat alot most the time, and I still never lose wait. I'm sure it's my fault though. I need to take those fucking pills, but I can't ever remember. Stupid fucking defective body. I don't want you.

I keep making myself sick worrying too. I know I'm gonna fail or barely pass english. I want to drop it before that happens, but my parents will kill me. I've already heard them talking about me sometimes, all quiet and somber like. See? I wish I wasn't here to do that to them. I'm afraid I'm never going to get better. Not like I try. I don't even know why. Fear I guess. And hatred. And guilt. I don't think I deserve to get better. Even told my parents that.

I'm sick of being an embarrasment. Eddie, my brother, he's looking at colleges. It makes me sad. Why do I get so mad when people say, 'Oh, you just weren't ready.'? Isn't it true. Will I ever be though? What if I never pass an english class? Or any with such writing needed? Where coherent thinking is so needed? What's going to happen? I can't see a future working. I'm not fucking good enough at any arts to ever come out it. I'll just work at Target and live with my parents until I'm forty.

I can't even try and contact any of the few real friends I've had. I swore I saw Steve from high school just the other day, and I want to e-mail him or something, I want to know if he's okay, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I can't do anything. I'm barely going on as it is.
Sometimes I feel like I need to shove these entries in front of my parents and be like, THERE, just cause I'll never gather myself up enough to tell them. I don't even know why. I never do. I just don't do anything. Maybe I'm really that foolish and think it'll work out. Maybe I just don't care anymore, or maybe I do too much.

All I know is I'm sick of it. I keep wishing I was back at the dorms like last year, just so I could hide away from the world and be out of my family's way and life.


Maybe I'm just tired and need some rest. I just needed to get some thoughts out of my head for a little while, sorry.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10220210/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10220210/ Thu, 28 Sep 2006 21:17:45 PDT I'm working on those owed sketch things too. <3


Oh, and on the subject of the new manga episode.
Hidan really should of asked for help while he was ahead.
>>


Seriously though, that would be the best cosplay ever. >>


Ooooh, and it's 3232 you're looking for.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10194043/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10194043/ Tue, 26 Sep 2006 15:00:33 PDT Seriously.
Words can't describe it.
And finally getting to hug and meet your bestest friend makes it worth it.

The con was pretty cool.
LOL@PICS.
[link]

H'omg. Yeah, stupid me took none of me.
But I'm in the bg of the gir pic drinking a coke if you can see me. >>
EWFATTY.

Lol, it's my birthday today.
Nineteen.
I kept forgetting though, hehe.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10143935/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10143935/ Thu, 21 Sep 2006 15:12:12 PDT So I just deleted them all. >>
I told myself I wouldn't do that, but it was too much.
Sorry if like, you wanted me to reply to something.

Soooo, I'm in the airport.
Still got like an hour for the flight.
But omg, I'm shaking.
And not just cause I eletricuted myself this morning. >>
Yeah, I was trying to wiggle this stubborn plug out of my outlet thing, and accidently touched both prongs. It took a second to realize what I did and why my arm was hurting. Hehe.
I'm alright, just like, my arm's sore. The left one.
So... yeah, I wasted a bunch of transfer sheets, trying to make t-shirts.
And like, the gifts I was making for my friends, I wasn't able to bake them so I had to keep them home.

But I'm so excited. My head hurts, and hte flights delayed like, half an hour or more. Got an hour left. -sigh-
I think I already said that.
OMG~~~
My sand costume like, sucks ass. >>
But I think Ghettochimaru shall be... phat?

I'm just excited to freak with people other than my brothers over this stuff, lol. What's anime?
I'm so sick of that question. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10130765/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10130765/ Wed, 20 Sep 2006 09:30:40 PDT But i only got like, three of my bazillion designs up.
omg, got to go to class.
[link] ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10102488/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10102488/ Sun, 17 Sep 2006 15:58:24 PDT
ANYWAYS. I'm flipping out!

6:40pm, Thursday, my plane takes off for Atlanta.
And I get to finally meet the two best friends I've ever had.
I get to go to my first convention.
(Hug Edward Elric and Roy Mustang's english voice actors? ;D)
Act like a total idiot.
Spend lots of money I need to be saving and not spend.


BUT HOLY SHIT I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO.


Okay, so I have to finish my costumes.
But to do that I have to clean.
So I can find the stuff.
A few last minute things to get too.
And I have to clean to do landaury, lots of it.
And pack my clothes.
And to set up my printer, so i can finish my costume.
And make my t-shirts.
And I have to make my buttons too.
But I have to buy the rest of the t-shirts cause i forgot.
Oh, and I have to buy good hair gel stuff.
I have to get everything together.
And pack my carryon(s).
Ooo, refill my prescriptions.
And remember my extra set of contacts.
I need to make my two clay figure gifts. And remember my necklace.
Omg, can't forget the snakes.
But my schedule is so slim.
I have to make up my 2 minute mime and practice it before class at one tomorrow.
I have to dye my hair, omg...that's right.
I have to go early though to talk to my cousin.
To figure out when to tape her with my camera for her class... monday or wednesday night.
I have to read several, five or seven?, short stories for english.
Work all of tuesday night...
Stay after wednesday to make up for what I'll miss monday due to flight home.
Breath. If I have a chance.
OMG, study and take notes on four chapters of psych for Thursday's big test...

I'm putting off alot until I get back.
Like the several rps i've disappeared from.
All the art i owe.
Responding/veiwing/ commenting my 200 something messages and arts.
My little 'awesome' series idea.
These picture i really want to do.
Updating my shitty crack fanfic.
Updating anything...
Sound sleep.

Wow....

And I'm so screwed.
Let's see, tomorrow I'll leave at like, elevenish and not get home to probably after five.
Tuesday I leave at eleven thirty and don't get home until almost eleven.
Wednesday I don't know for sure, but most of it is shot.
And when I leave for class, and huge test, thursday, at eleven thirty again, I better be completely ready and packed. Cause I get home, toss my shit in the car, and head to the airport.

And yet. I still sit on my bed writing this, lol.

Damnit, I need that mime too...



Omg, I'm so excited for the con though.
I'm being ghettochimaru whiles nikk will be snj kakashi data-a-ninja thing.
And then I'll be gaara's sand for her fan-destroyed gaara, ridden down and weakened by all the fanfics and the like. It sounds kind of weak, but it'll be crack-a-licious.
My other friend teph should have a lolita outfit, and be Shuichi!

It's going to be so awesomely good. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10044652/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10044652/ Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:13:10 PDT
OMG. I just realized how much stuff I need and want to do. I deserve a reward for procrastination or something.

I turn 19 on the 26th. Wow... I'm still just a little kid, right?

I really want to take photography next semester. And like, an art class, so I can actually ever be in one, but yeah.... not going to happen.

It feels like it takes twice as much effort to do anything, especially for school.
I remember back when I'd do nothing and get As and Bs.

Right now is such a crazy time for me, lol.

Ho'man. I'm starting to feel popular. People like me on here! Yeah for friends! Now to scare you all off! Bwahahaha! My stupid Gaara sense thing almost has 100 favs or something, like 44 watchers, though alot of them are like gone, almost 3000 pageviews. And there's so many I consider friends on here.

It makes me feel happy and special, and yeah!
Though I always have lots of messages, hehe. No matter, I will go through everyone of them as promised! Though I'm starting to get shotty on the responses, I've read/veiwed them all!

My msn is lostcontrol26@hotmail.com and I love it when people talk to me.

Ah man, I really need to go to see the doctor... -sigh- my headaches are so bad lately, and I really need to see the GYN about my damn hormones. Now to just get over my fears and worries and just do it.

Ah, there was more, but I'm sleepy yet again, and lazy as always. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10033552/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10033552/ Sun, 10 Sep 2006 21:30:29 PDT
My eyes burn though. But my dad cut off my brother's leg seven times last night, it was all worth it. Haha. And every young child and small dog at the parade today was scared shitless. And the cannon! The little tiny one was so cute and did a flip in the air!!!

Oh god, you people have no idea what I'm talking about, and even though I'm tired, none of it was lies!! I hope the limbs didn't get put away yet, I wanna take pictures.


Oh lordy, I have more messages than deviations, I FEEL SASUKE SPECIAL.
And not just everyday, but curse seal to the second power special.

Oh jeez, I really am tired. Between school, my new cousin, my other cousin, working-ugh-, weird pastimes, and something else I forgot in the time it took to type this in the dark, I've been busy. Fighting with mom doesn't help, nor does my occasional pissed at the world attitude that keeps popping up.

But I shall begin due drawings and go through messages tomorrow. The drawings might wait until after classes, cause in the morning, I shop and run porkchops over, and shower so I don't reek of campfire.

EVEN THOUGH I ENJOY IT.
MMMM. WOODSMOKE. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10004624/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/10004624/ Thu, 07 Sep 2006 23:53:30 PDT Kakuzu said it himself, at least in a way.

But yeaaaaah!
Izumo and Kotetsu!
And more developement on Asuma!
Good grief, am I happy to see that things are really moving agian, and exciting.

H'omg, almost four tails just like that?
Aw, and that surpassing Yondaime... he's so his son, or I'm going to be pissed. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9985841/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9985841/ Mon, 11 Sep 2006 15:08:35 PDT >

First ten commenters gets free arts.

RULES:
- YOU HAVE TO PUT THIS IN YOUR JOURNAL AND DO THE SAME OR, IN CASE OF NOT WANTING TO DO SO, UMM... DRAW ME A STUPID PAINT DOODLE. >> THERE, YEAH, THAT'LL WORK OR SOMETHING...OR DON'T DO ANYTHING! ;D
- FANART IS ALLOWED.
- ONLY ONE CHARACTER PER SKETCH, AND PLEASE PROVIDE REFERENCE

SO THERE.
My head feels funny.

1. kagingmode
2. Fourleafed-clover
3. against-the-law
4. yamato-ayanami
5. Kaio-Kun
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.


Quality not gaureenteed. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9957531/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9957531/ Sun, 03 Sep 2006 23:19:09 PDT ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9945965/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9945965/ Sat, 02 Sep 2006 23:10:20 PDT Sorry for the random late commentness on some.

Ninety-some messages and 191 deviations.

-sigh-

And I have more entries to do and such and such.
But I'm going sleepy so I can get up in five and get ready/go to work.
;-; ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9922285/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9922285/ Thu, 31 Aug 2006 18:32:57 PDT Screw everything else.
Only 21 days.
TWENTY-ONE FUCKING DAYS. Until I get to go to Atlanta, and con with some of my bestest friends. (Not to mention get to meet them.)

I'm freaking out. This has been my look forward too forever, and it's all falling together, and omg, I'm so happy. I like, have to get going and finish my costumes though, it's crazy.

So classes started, fought more with Mom, realized that I need to really get some help. Yeah... time to get over that messed up fear and whatever it is about going to see doctors, especially psych ones.

-sigh-

136 deviations, 46 messages

... -ignores them for now- >>

Eww... I have to write a personal experience thing for english.
UGH.
I hate writing about me. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9758976/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9758976/ Thu, 17 Aug 2006 10:54:48 PDT
And.... I wish people translated fasterrrrr.
Hehe. Though I looked through all of the pages of the new manga chapter, and most are pretty self-explanitory. I go to work soon, So I'm like, nooo, cause it's not done. Ugh, I don't want to go to work. But I want the money, well, need it too, so yeah...

I'm lazy/busy/sick. So sorry about not finishing gift/prize/chapter that is due.

>> ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9754452/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9754452/ Wed, 16 Aug 2006 23:00:20 PDT Blindace

[ ] short, under 5'2
[ ] 5'2 -5'6"(5'2 )
[ ] 5'6" 1/2"
[x] 5'7" - 6'0"
[ ] tall 6'1" and up

You are naturally:
[ ] blonde
[ ] redhead
[ ] brunette
[ ] dirty blonde/brownish
[x] dark brown
[ ] black

You are:
[ ] blue-eyed
[ ] brown-eyed
[ ] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[x] hazel/green eyed
[ ] gold/gray-eyed
[ ] silver/gray- eyed
[ ] blue/green-eyed
[ ] blue/gray-eyed
[x] they change colors
[ ] black eyes

You wear:
[ ] glasses
[x] contacts
[ ] neither

Your hair-length:
[ ] shaved head
[ ] short hair
[ ] medium
[x] long hair (past my shoulders)

Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[ ] khaki
[ ] pink
[ ] hot pink
[ ] yellow
[x] black
[x] green (only dark shades.)
[ ] lime green
[x] blue (see green)
[x] white
[ ] turquoise
[ ] silver
[ ] grey
[ ] maroon
[ ] gold
[ ] purple
[x] clear (lol)
[ ] Rainbow
[x] blood red
[x] orange

Some things you've done?
[ ] ice skating
[ ] hiking
[ ] kayaking
[ ] rafting
[ ] water skiing
[x] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[ ] surfing and skim/wake boarding
[ ] snowboarding
[ ] skiing
[ ] skateboarding
[ ] cheerleading
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] street hockey
[ ] gymnastics
[ ] martial arts
[ ] bmx
[x] baton twirling

Your personality is sometimes...
[ ] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny (At least I think so.)
[x] serious
[x] laid back
[x] bitchy/asshole-ish
[ ] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird
[x] ditzy
[x] sarcastic
[x] slow

you can't stand listening to?
[ ] pop
[ ] country
[ ] christian
[ ] classical
[ ] techno
[ ] oldies
[ ] opera
[ ] reggae
[ ] emo
[ ] 80's
[ ] disco
[x] rap (Some rap.)
[ ] punk rock

The pets you have had?
[ ] cat
[x] dog (Last one we had was put down when I was five.)
[ ] lizard
[ ] mouse
[ ] ferret
[x] fish (I overfed it by giving it snacks.)
[ ] duck
[ ] horse
[ ] bird
[ ] frog
[ ] hermit crab
[ ] prairie dog
[x] none
[ ] turtle
[ ] hamster
[ ] gerbil
[ ] guinea pig
[ ] pig
[ ] goat
[ ] chinchilla, sugar gliders
[ ] tarantula
[ ] geese
[ ] rabbit
[ ] snails
[ ] chickens




your confessions:
[ ] I'm afraid of the quiet
[x] I am really ticklish
[x] I'm afraid of the dark sometimes (Shut up, I like a nightlight now and then, so what. I'm over it though.)
[x] I've collected comic books
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad
[ ] I open up to others easily
[ ] I read the news
[x] I love Disney movies
[ ] I don't kill bugs
[x] I kill bugs (When they bug me.)
[ ] I have 'x's in my screen name
[x] I bake well (Sometimes.)
[x] I have worn pajamas to class
[ ] I am guilty of TyPiNg LiKe tHiS
[x] I am self-conscious
[x] I love to laugh (Alot.)
[ ] I can't swallow pills
[x] I bite my nails (Only my toenails, and on occasion. xD.)
[ ] I want your mom
[x] I play computer games when I'm bored (My naruto sims!)
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Dressed up like a guy/girl
[ ] egged a house/car
[ ] Crashed into a car (No, but two have hit mine.)
[ ] Been fired
[ ] Been skinny dipping

Have you ever...
[ ] stolen a sign
[x] danced in the rain
[x] Seen a shooting star
[ ] proposed to anyone
[x] Gotten stitches (Mole cancer check, that's all.)
[ ] Eaten Sushi
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Been on a cruise ship
[x] Driven/ridden over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been on a plane by yourself
[ ] had surgery
[ ] seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[x] been on stage
[ ] peed somewhere other than a toilet
[x] gotten a black eye (Brother hit me in the check with a baseball.)
[ ] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[ ] watched an entire baseball game on tv

Do you like...
[x] old movies
[ ] musicals
[x] blasting music in your car
[ ] foreign foods
[x] anime
[ ] christmas time
[x]... ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9708645/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9708645/ Sun, 13 Aug 2006 01:26:29 PDT
Where the fuck is the new manga?

Why do my eyes hurt?

Monday I sign up for classes.
I'm afraid of fucking it all up again.

My head hurts too. Damn headaches.

I still need to finish that yondy and co. giftee.

And make Rin artsy giftee now.

I haven't figured out what to give/make my parents for their anniversary.
23 years on the 20th. Help?
I was thinking a neat photomanip or something that I could print and frame... but I don't know.

Our water and the lake smells cause of decaying algae.

Listing makes me feel special.

I have a button maker now.

And am going to make t-shirts with printy iron paper.

I need to work on my costumes.

I need to pay my cell phone bill.

I need a credit card.

I'm still really scared about school again.

I need a social life that doesn't involve a computer and internet.

But mostly I need to sleep so I can get up in a few hours and go to work.

You need to reply to each line bitches.

Not really... ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9623641/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9623641/ Mon, 07 Aug 2006 00:59:44 PDT So ummm, sorry for missed responses or journals or thanks. <3

This is probably I sign I should sleep or something...

Damnit, I had a reason for this journal...
Ah well.
LOL< SuperFemmeKabuto.
[link]
I need to draw the picture in my head, but I'm lazy.
It's SFKabuto and Orochimaru standing there looking at each other awkwardly, and then he goes like, "What, you knew this was coming." Or something witty... yeah, it was funnier in my head. And I'm still trying to come up with a good picture for Yondaime-Sama, so sorry on your wait! ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9592762/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9592762/ Thu, 03 Aug 2006 23:05:02 PDT [link]

Clash of Tears! Hot-blooded teacher and student showdown
Hmm...

Great crisis! The Konoha 11 all gather
huh?

Anbu gives up, Naruto's memory
WTF??

THOSE AREN'T GAIDEN TITLES

-CRY-

akskjkdhs;
Bastards. I bet Rin is right and it won't be until the 300th episode.
but....

ONE THIRD OF THE NARUTO ANIME IS FILLER.
Seriously.
That's just ridiculous.
And some are alright.
And the rest suck.
-still hates all that star shit-

I HATE YOU KISHIMOTO.
Okay, not really, but ugh, come on man.
A THIRD OF THE EPISODES ARE SHIT.





Sooo, some old lady at work told me I was really sweet today.
It made me happy. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9573038/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9573038/ Wed, 02 Aug 2006 03:43:37 PDT
It's too damn hot, and thinking straight is even harder than usual.

I want to cry everytime someone asks me how school is going, and college and life. Cause I don't like lying, and what do I say? "Oh, wonderful! I failed, but myself fifteen grand in debt in loans, for a horribly miserable time and not even one flipping credit!"

It sucks, I have to call the community college and see if it's not too late to enroll, cause the damned minute I turn nineteen in September they drop my health insurance unless I'm full-time. It's worse though... cause I know, even if I make it, I'm still going to struggle and fail all my classes.

How did it happen? I think not knowing or understanding makes it the worst.
Cause you know, it's normal to go from high level high school student in AP classes, and on an Academic Team for three years, and third in Calculus, to a college failure, who locks herself in her dorm and tries to find reasons not to find sleep in the bottom of a bottle of pain killers, given for her headaches that almost a year now have not gone away.

I feel like I'm whining though. I mean, what gives me the right? I'm ungrateful, spoiled, have a loving family, food to eat everyday, clothes always. And what? I just wallow in myself. I stop living a real life, if I even did. Live for an internet, and people hundreds of miles away try and comfort this self-absorbed girl, and count as the only friends she fears she's ever had.

It hurts to one day just suddenly realize, that all those people in your life you've called friend, really weren't ever at all. They were just more nice to you then the rest, and liked that you listened, even though they never did. Well, maybe one, but you fucked up, and haven't even tried to talk to him. And he's probably the closest thing to a relationship you've ever had, and he's never even liked you like that. And sitting here crying is so going to help...

I don't want to dump this on others, but I don't know what to do. I just need to let it out I guess, so I can pretend everything is fine, and ignore hoping it goes away, only to get worse. And I'm still here with the undeserved self-pity. Stupid things hurting me just as much.

Mom said that online people aren't real friends, you can't hang out with them. They aren't there for you. But they are more than anyone else in my damn life has ever been. I mean, what, should I turn to my 'sister', my first 'best' friend. My cousin I grew up with along her side, who I don't even know anymore. Who drinks and parties, who ... has real friends, and is going to school.

Or maybe my friends from middle school, who liked to dump their problems on me, who always brought me in the middle of their fights. Who I always got in, and helped them fix it, even though it'd be broken agian. Who liked to tease me, and pick on me, 'all in good nature of course'. Cause it's fun getting dragged by your feet around the gym room, or getting your tennis shoes stuck in the hoop. It's fun to have them laugh about you, not behind your back, but right there in front of you. It's fun to play dumb and laugh too, because it hurts too much to be alone. It's fun for them to abandon you, when the bullies come round to pick on you.

Or how about high school? Were I only had friends in school. Where my 'best' friend was friends with everyone, and barely knew me. Where when we joined drama together, and I clung near her to hid from the teasing, yes teasing in high school, she got frustrated and left me. Or how about the friend that only showed up when she needed money or a ride home. Which I gladly gave over just for the company.

I can count the times I've hung out on my hands. The sleepovers on one. I had a few birthday parties, til I grew sick of celebrating it outside of family. Cause last time only two out of tweny came. I didn't have a graduation party, or get togethers after. Cause school had ended. And it was all that connected me.

So yeah mom, I should go make more of those friends. The ones that didn't listen, or might one time, only to never talk to me agian. Screw that. Screw it all. She called me a child for calling my brother an idiot. I'll never grow up. I'm almost nineteen! Even though, I only fight with her, because all the little things she says, that seem small to her, are like knives to me.

She understands though, I'm the one that doesn't know what it's like. Cause I can't be depressed if I smile once or twice. Find happiness in little things, or the joy of laughter. Cause all these nights spent into the late morning with tears blocking my vision don't count. The emptiness and wish for death daily, for a cold and quiet nothing, and silencing of my mind, that's not real.... ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9559256/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9559256/ Mon, 31 Jul 2006 21:06:50 PDT Look for the 2222th pageview!
I'll attempt to gift you anything you want. Artisically at least. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9546206/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9546206/ Sun, 30 Jul 2006 18:50:21 PDT
Ugh....

Well, I'm putting my 2222 kiriban up for grabs.
And I'll beat my head on the wall for everyday I don't do it.

I feel so off now.
Vacation was fun, and I was hoping it'd be a break to change things.
But I seem to have fallen right back into my little hole.
It might of even got even deeper while I was away. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9473295/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9473295/ Sun, 23 Jul 2006 23:26:00 PDT Cause I had lunch with Rin. *against-the-law
Yeah! <3. She's awesomier in person?
It was fun. Slightly ackward, cause I'm so like that in person. And funny cause my dad and her mommy kept talking.

And um, yeah!



Lol.
[link] ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9452133/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9452133/ Fri, 21 Jul 2006 20:21:22 PDT I forget, hehe.

We went to Old Bent's Fort, it's pretty awesome if ou like that sort of thing.
I chased a peacock.
And took lots of pictures.
My dad said some were good quality.
I like taking them though.

Today we went to this like, tourist trap western town
---Interrupting moment---
My brother changes the channel just now, and Clint Eastwood is on the screen, right, and he's all like, what is this? And me not paying attention says I dunno, and he's like, Clint Eastwood, WHO IS STILL ON THE SCREEN, is in it.

Um, durrrr?

It's just me and him cause my dad and other brother went to get KFC.
I want two snacker things and mac and cheese. I don't really like their chicken.
---Back to rest---
Anyways, it was kinda lame, but so much fun, and lots of old west movies and series were partially at least filmed there, so it was cool.
The mayor was a donkey, that I chased around and took pictures of.
I bought a magic kit too. I'm sad, it's so lame.
And fun. >>

Omg, there was this room there, that's tilted, and my brother filmed it... yeah, it sucks, fat me laughing and falling and yes, but funny.
And no one will ever see it!!!
-will probably upload it to show to friends-
I'm wearing knee high red and black socks.
And shorts.
And a red shirt that says animals taste good.
A house should fall on me according to my brothers.

Lol. Clinty is in the secret service.
I have no idea why it's still on.
I'm on here and my brother is playing pokemon, and reading me the important newsflash off the little pixeled tv.
Aww, it's sweet that he thinks I care.


I should shut up now...
But yeah! I like vacation. And am hungry damnit. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9410557/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9410557/ Mon, 17 Jul 2006 21:45:19 PDT
Yeah for sitting in front of the AC in my still wet bathing suit going through my 93 messages on here, and then getting distracted from showering by FMA, even though I've seen them all, and it's in english.

I have no idea where we are going next, and my dad is snoring.

I keep getting ideas for stuff, but I don't really have time to draw them. Doing stuff while driving tends to make me sick. Though not like it used to, seeing as I read all of Dean Koontz's 'The husband' in like, one day's worth of driving.

MP3 playing cd players make me happy. Especially after shovign eleven hours worth of songs, 158 I think, on one cd. I have like, 36 hours on my computer already, and want so much more. I love music. I didn't used to either, it's weird.
-shivers cause she's stupid-

It's like, a hundred degrees out. It sucks. And like, the humidy and sun is bad. Metal things make touching a no-no.

Lol, my brother thought Envy was girl. So did I for like, the first half, hehe.
I'm coooold. And wet. I so should shower now. Damnit, my brother keeps trying to get me to explain stuff to him.

;-; Nina... It's just an empty person now. You're daddy be crazeh.



I need to stop rambling. 'Behind blue eyes reminds me of Gaara for some reason. >> Especially if you replace sad with sand. Like, pre-Naruto's awesome life changing influence of course.

SHOOOWWWERRR. I cold and smell like pool. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9363326/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9363326/ Thu, 13 Jul 2006 09:57:03 PDT Shadow clone f-ing rocks.

Wow, little action, but lots of awesome info this chapter.

Homg, wind? That just makes me think of Yondaime. > >

Gah, so excited for the next chapter.
I'm so glad it's moving again, I love it.


No new episodes until August ninth. End of filler hell?
Wiki sources say it's entitled "Clash of Tears! Hot-blooded teacher and student showdown".
However, that does not sound like a Gaiden title. ;-; ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9346107/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9346107/ Tue, 11 Jul 2006 17:27:17 PDT
My moods been down rather lately too, that don't help, but I'll deal.
Besides, Sunday I'm taking off with the family (cept my mom who can't travel anymore) out west. Yeah, We still do't know where we are going. I WILL HAVE MY LAPTOP, so that'll be cool, cause I'd so not make it without getting on.

I like to draw alot too when driving so I might have some stuff to scan when I get back. Cause I can finally scan again! And I'll be taking pictures and shit too I'm sure.

Buying my ticket for Georgia in a day or so, for AWA! Yeah, my first con ever, and I finally get to meet my two best friends!


Hmm. I want to work on a project with some people, sort of a Naruto in some odd seconds thing. Like this, but without the starwars. [link]

It'll probably need split up, and I need the script first. Please, if you have any ideas or want to help, tell me in some manner, note, comment messanger, anything. Cause if it's done right, it could be great!

Hmm, shit, there was something else I wanted to say too, and now i can- oooh, right. I miss playing with photos, and someoen had said to try wallpapers, so any requests I could give a shot?

That's it I think, long one. Well... <333 -loves on- ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9316364/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9316364/ Sat, 08 Jul 2006 22:21:49 PDT durnugget was playing the in my pants game, so I did too.
My playlist on random is love.

Filthy/Gorgeous in my pants.
Chicken Dance in my pants.
Follow me in my pants.
Stricken in my pants.
The Wall in my pants.
Is this real in my pants.
Fanatsy in my pants.
Da Funk in my pants.
Don't fear the reaper in my pants.
Television rules the nation in my pants.
Holy Virgin in my pants. xD
Strawberry Fields forever in my pants.
Wherever you will go in my pants.
Out of body experience in my pants.
Creep in my pants. xDD
Poison in my pants.
Chicago is so two years ago in my pants.
We will rock you in my pants. /We are the champions in my pants.
Get it Get it in my pants.
Knocking on heavans doors in my pants. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9256382/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9256382/ Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:02:57 PDT And yet again I get a great idea for a drawing.
Like, the image in my head just kills me.
Emotion, color, title, everything instant and so clear.

And it sucks.
Because I will fail horribly at any attempts.
I think maybe it'd just be better to leave the images than destroy them.

I'm getting so sick of putting out so much effort, for poor results.
It's hard enough not being able to figure out how I went so easily from being a top student.
To failing out of simple classes.

And now Art is failing me too.

I keep feeling more and more lost and stuck each day.
Damnit, it's not fun.
And I'm so frustrated with my headaches.

I'm sick of arguing with everyone in my family.
Of having no social life, buteven more so the disire not to have one.
I'm supposed to start some classes in a little over a month.
I know I won't be able to do it.
I'm going to be a damned failure at life.
I hate it.

And the only people I have to talk to...
Are people I only know through words on a screen.


Sorry for the depressingness. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9237954/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9237954/ Sat, 01 Jul 2006 01:16:38 PDT
I look at everyone though.
I respond to most comments, and veiw every single deviation.
See, having no life can have a plus side.

I want to get some stuff in before I leave.
I've been so lazy lately.
Ugh.

I could feel this space with updates about me lately, but I feel no one would really care. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9146142/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9146142/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 09:22:44 PDT
Oh my god, this chapter had me freaking.
I kept making noises again.
An original Jutsu?
But Naruto is right, how are they going to do it in less time?
Lalwz -has random image of Kakashi using his sharigan to trasport Naruto to another dimesion where time moves at a different pace like that room thing in DBZ-

I mean, come on, Yondy took three years to develope his.


Annnd
The one guy's eyes remind me of Kisame. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9130252/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9130252/ Tue, 20 Jun 2006 19:27:10 PDT
Imagine, rping with the young adult sannins, little Yondaime, and ... kakashi's dad! -forgets his name-

We'll need Orochimaru, Tsunade, the third, and others! A few OCs maybe?
Comment if you are interested!!

and excuse the suckyness of my writing skillz, as i'm on hte phone. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9118984/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9118984/ Mon, 19 Jun 2006 18:56:38 PDT ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9075720/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9075720/ Thu, 15 Jun 2006 10:20:44 PDT

Anyways... yeah! Naruto seems to finally be going somewhere now.
Aww, Sai had like, this freaking acorable look going on.
I sense a huge fanbase increase for him, just for that.
Annnnd for for that really funny thing he said.
-doesn't want to spoil- ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9040668/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9040668/ Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:13:27 PDT
Taken from ~nwoppertje

ME
Your real name: Katie. (Kathrynn Mary)
Age: 18
Height: 5'9"
Natural hair colour: Brown. With lots of shades of everything mixed in, so it looks ... brown.
Eye colour: Hazel. They change alot. I like it when they are green.
Skin color: Paaaaale. I don't tan.
Glasses/contacts?: Yes to both.
Piercings: Just one in the ears.
Tattoos: No, but I want at least one, near my left shoulder blade on my back. I figured out the design already!
Braces: Yep.
Mannerisms: Say like too much, and use hehe. I bite my bottom lip, and chew gum waaay too much.
Other distinctive markings: Lots of little scars. I have this little one on my cheek that looks like a cresent moon on it's side.

FAVOURITE
Color: Black, the absence of color!
Band: I don't have favorites, but I really like Queen, Daft Punk, Flogging Molly and She Wants Revenge according to my playlist.
Video game: Legend of Zelda followed closely by Prince of Persia.
Movie: Maverick. A movie most of you have never heard of, and one that we've worn the tape out.
Book: Alot?
Food: The eatable kind.
Game on a cell phone: Tetris Baby.
CD: What? Actually buy music?
Flower: Those big ones that look like they're from some other planet, cuase they look so weird, and like they could be living if you look at them close up. And no one knows what I'm talking about.
Scent: I love the Axe scents.
Animal: Furry ones. And snakes. Most anything else with scales, or feathers is a no-no.
Comic book: Gah, a bazillion. Love Marvel and DC, lots of manga too.
Cereal: Waffle Crisp. And then like, cheerios and rice crispies and stuff.
Website: DA, gaiaonline, YOUTUBE is LOVE. hehe.
Cartoon: Again, lots. I'm still such a kid. Pssh, I'll never grow up.

DO YOU
Play an instrument?: Musically untalented.
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: Twenty a week is ALOT for me. The computer's my brain sucker of choice.
Like to sing?: Alot. Unforutantely, I lack the talent to do so.
Have a job?: Target. Cashier.
Have a cell phone?: Yeah, but I don't use it alot.
Like to play sports?: Haha.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Niether, hehe.
Have a crush on someone?: Two people actually, both not to happen.
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: OHIO! Oh wait...
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: Nope.
Have any special talents/skills?: Failing? Being lazy? Like I've got down that late second cleaning skill pretty good.
Exercise daily?: -pokes fat and laughs-
Like school?: Yes. I just hope I can pull it off when I start classes at the Community College.

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?: Yep. It's fun.
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: Only five at once. ;D (No one gets this)
Speak any other languages?: Some spanish. And like five words of Japanese.
Go a day without food?: Yep, And I have.
Remember your dreams: Yeah, but it starts to fade unless I talk about them.
Read music, not just tabs?: Hahaha, I'm music-illiterate.
Roll your tongue?: Sorta.
Eat a whole pizza?: Hell yeah. Especially when that time of the month comes around.

HAVE YOU EVER
Won something in the lottery?: Nada.
Snuck out of the house?: To go where? The grocery store?
Lied to get out of trouble?: Of course. I got brothers ya know.
Had a computer crash?: Yah, that so sucks.
Gotten lost in your city?: I'd probably get lost in my backyard. Though as a kid I was super good at knowing where I was. It sorta went away.
Seen a shooting star?: A few times.
Been to any other countries?: Nope. But I'm going to AnimeNorth next year! So, yeah Canada?
Had a serious surgery?: Nope.
Stolen something important to someone else?: No, stealing is bad.
Solved a rubiks cube?: Almost four sides biotch.
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: I bought pjs to wear on pj day at school. I usually just wear a t-shirt and loose pants/shorts.
Cried over a girl?: Yeah.
Cried over a boy?: Yeah. Never had to do with 'love/crushing' though.
Kissed a random stranger?: Or anyone? T_T
Hugged a random stranger?: No. AHH< Human contact!
Been in a fist fight?: Not really a fist fight, but I can hold my own.
Been arrested?: I don't think I've done anything illegal. Well there was a few closecalling red lights.
Done drugs?: Nope.
Had alcohol?: Nope.
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: Not in a long time.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: Hehe, of course.
Snuck into the opposite sex's bathroom?:... ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9002591/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/9002591/ Wed, 07 Jun 2006 19:22:30 PDT
Rules : The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/things about yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a journal about their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their devpage comments and tell them to read yours....

1. I have a terrible fear of swimming with or touching fish, especially live large ones. I think I've linked it to getting lost on a fieldtrip in kindergarden at the Aquarium. I don't swim in anything but clear water.

2. My thyroid gland doesn't work right, cause my body produces antibodies that attack it. It's pretty big too.

3. The only thing resembling surgery I've had is a procedure done twice on my toenails because they grow under the skin. The only stiches I've ever had was after a large mole was removed from my back to make sure it wasn't cancerous. The only time I've been to the ER, was after I fell on the ice and hit my head on the cement. And that was a week later, becuase I still had a massive headache, and my mom just wanted a ct to make sure I was alright.

4. When I'm bored or upset, I doodle on my arm with magic marker or pen, usually covering most of my left forearm, because it relaxes me. I've had to stop though so I don't get in trouble at work, though I do it on my leg alot now.

5. I'm eighteen, and no one has ever gone out on a date with me, kissed me, or held my hand. I've never been clingy with anyone outside of family, and human contact will sometimes make me nervous.

6. Hmm, how about a weird one. I don't usually tell people this, but I want to say it anyways. I guess I'm spiritually sensitive, in that I can go to a funeral and tell you if the deceased is there or not. I can sense ghosts and other beings, and one of which, named Michael, follows me around sometimes, kind of keeping watch on me. Also, I think it's sort of associated with this, but I just know things. Like, I'll say something before I can even think it, and all of a sudden it becomes grounded and old knowledge in my mind.

I write alot, sorry. >>

I'll tag...
Umm, anyone who hasn't done one of these yet, or wants to do another.
I don't want to pressure anyone into doing one should they not want to. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8964118/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8964118/ Sat, 03 Jun 2006 23:19:37 PDT I'm just going to do it. I'm so weak willed. For once, I'm setting art in front of other things in my life. X_x Now I just have to clean my room before mommy takes the laptop away. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8876403/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8876403/ Thu, 25 May 2006 17:37:13 PDT I was like, how'd he get in there.
Rin said it was fanfic like, and it is!
Homg, I'm pissed.
Kakashi gaidain isn't until like, August.

Urm... that's about it, just wanted that long thing off my front page. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8730315/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8730315/ Wed, 10 May 2006 12:58:09 PDT Repost as "I have lived through ___ of these 158 things. "

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[] I have been to Canada.
[] I have been to Europe.
[2] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[3] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[4] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[5] I have played ping pong.
[6] I swam in the ocean.
[] I have been on a whale watch.
[7] I have seen fireworks.
[8] I have seen a shooting star.
[9] I have seen a meteor shower.
[10] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one CD over & over & over again.
[13] I have had stitches.
[] I have had frostbite.
[14] have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there. (You know I'm an idiot.)
[15] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. (and much later. And not slept at all too.)
[16] I currently have a job.
[] I have been ice skating.
[] I have been rollerblading.
[17] I have fallen flat on my face.
[18] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[19] I have been in a fist fight.
[20] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[21] I have watched the power rangers.
[] I attend Church regularly.
[22] I have played truth or dare.
[23] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[24] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[25] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[26] I've been in a verbal argument.
[27] I've cried in school.
[] I've played basketball on a team.
[] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team.
[] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[] I've played softball on a team.
[] I've played volleyball on a team.
[] I've played tennis on a team.
[] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[28] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[] I've bungee jumped.
[] I've climbed a rock wall.
[29] I've lost more than $20.
[30] I've called myself an idiot. (All the time.)
[31] I've called someone else an idiot. (Again, all the time, hehe.)
[32] I've cried myself to sleep.
[33] I've had (or have) pets. (I had one, a goldfish, whom I killed by overfeeding.
[34] I've owned a spice girls CD.
[35] I've owned a britney spears CD.
[36] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[37] I've owned a backstreet boys CD (I was trying to fit in. >>
[38] I've mooned someone. (Not on purpose.)
[39] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[40] I've been in the newspaper.
[41] I've been on TV.
[] I've been to Hawaii.
[] I've eaten sushi.
[42] I've been on the other side of a waterfall. (before going through a waterfall to be on the inside, see how far until the rocks, FIRST.)
[43] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[44] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[45] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[46] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers. (It 'twas a big locker.)
[47] I've been called a geek. (I am!)
[] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. (Few times had I ever studied hard.
[48] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[49] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[50] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[51] I've written poetry.
[] I've been arrested.
[52] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[53] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[54] I've had/have siblings.
[] I've been to a rock concert.
[55] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[56] I've been in a play.
[57] I've been picked last in gym class.
[] I've been picked first in gym class.
[] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[58] I've cried in front of my friends.
[59] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[60] I've played Halo 2. (I'm so horrible at it. I yell when people appear in front of me. )
[61] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[] I've been to Alaska.
[] I've been to China.
[] I've been to Spain.
[] I've been to Japan.
[62] I've had a fight with someone on AIM
[63] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face. ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8691289/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8691289/ Sat, 06 May 2006 12:51:53 PDT [link]
For you will.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8685690/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8685690/ Fri, 05 May 2006 20:42:58 PDT And confusing. I think I might buck out the cash for one though, when I can start getting serious about my art, which I hope to soon.

Yeah, so I just got pulled into an msn conversation with a bunch of people and no one knew each other, it was weird.

And.... I can't remember why I was writing an entry and it had nothing ot do with the two things I've said. Crap. I'll blame it on my damned allergies, which made me lose my voice at work and have had me with a sore throat and dizzy headache all day.

Grrr, I still don't remember. People seem to like my photomanipulation, in just a day I got 6 favorites. O.o I don't usually get six favorites period, save on the two funny icon thingers I made. I still haven't been able to show him what I did with his picture. He needs to get on.

Edit:
I REMEMBER!
NO ONE CAUGHT MY KIRIBAN AGAIN.
Arggh. First one to read this pick a picture gift. It can be anything. I think I get my scanner back within like, three days the most.

]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8650238/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8650238/ Tue, 02 May 2006 09:07:57 PDT Yeah, I've got lots of shit to go through on here...
-doesn't look at any of it-

Ooooh, Deathnote's become my latest obsession. I cried. ;-;
Damn my inability to control my emotions. But he was right! At least he got to know that.
Yeah, I'm waiting for 61 to download. I have to work again. I'm sick of working already. At least I two days off now, had five straight working. Yeah and tomorrow I get to got to a wake, and then maybe the funeral on thursday. Sadly, I'm one to lose it at funerals. Though I don't know, maybe my emotional detachment from the world will help there. Seeing as I haven't cried over anything not on TV or in something I was reading in a very very long time.

Also, I fucking hate being female, and if I could, would slowly and maliciously murder my hormones. I had cramps so bad I couldnt' move. ]]> ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8383831/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8383831/ Thu, 06 Apr 2006 12:11:30 PDT oh, and the aforementioned peeing in a cup wasn't for fun, a drug test, so I can work for Target as a cashier. n.n I gots a job now.



Stolen from

1. Do you even know what Naruto is? (If you don't, just don't take this quiz.)
That noodle thingy with the swirl on it in ramen. As well as a just as yummy blonde haired loud mouthed ninja destined to be the next hokage damnit.

2. Do you enjoy watching it/reading it?
Enjoy fails in proper expression of the joy.

3. Do you like shinobi?
If willing to resort to stalking and kidnapping substitutes as like, then yes.

4. Do you hate samurai?
No, they have swords, which are like, long knives, and I love me my knives.

5. How about pirates?
I'm a ninja with a pirate friend. n.n

6. Who's your favorite character?
The sexy beast named Gaara, followed closely by Naruto of course.

7. If you could spend one day with any character, who would it be?
ONE? ONE? WTF, ripoff.

8. Which are you: a Sasuke groupie or anti-Sasuke?
I want to kick him in the nuts and hug him. You tell me.

9. If you could be a shinobi from any village, which village would it be?
Suna, I mean helloooo, Gaara and sand. And Gaara.

10. What would your rank be?
Kazekage's assistant. >>

11. Do you have a crush on a character? Who and why?
Crush? Obsession's a better term. And if you need ask who, you fail.

12. Did you cry when Haku died?
Yes. I'm so freaking pliable. Naruto can make me laugh, cry, get angry and excited all in one freaking episode.

13. Would you steal an ANBU mask from a jounin for fun?
I'd so fail and end up with like, an ANBU fistprint to cover my face with instead.

14. Are you a Sakura hater or an Ino hater?
I hold no bias, and dislike them equally.

15. Do you think Chouji is cute?
Without a doubt.

16. Do you find any of the following boys hot?: Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Neji, Itachi.
Not even worth the response. I mean, Gaara is my sex god after all.


17. Did you or do you believe Shikamaru is the coolest thing alive?
He rocks your grandma's false teeth. (yes.)

18. Do you love Lee?
All but his eyebrows. -fingers razor-

19. How about Gai?
He tends to scare me.

20. Have you ever sympathized with Hinata?
Yes, she's probably alot like me sometimes.

21. Do you think Temari is the most awesome kunoichi ever?
She totally has Shika by the leash, and a big ass fan, as well as being Gaara's sister, she's got it going.

22. Have you ever wished a minor character became a major one?
I NEED MORE INFORMATION TO ABSORB!

23. Have you wanted to touch the Kikai insects?
-shudders- No but I want to touch Shino, and run away giggling.

24. Do you like the Kyuubi?
Yes and no.

25. Shukaku?
He's funky fresh. <3

26. Do you think Deidara and Ino look the same?
OMG, they do.

27. Ever wanted to touch Akamaru?
No, but I'd go for Kiba. >>

28. Did you ever want to poke fun at Ebisu and call him a "closet pervert?"
I want to throw hotdogs at him, no seriously, I just have had this like urge to.

29. Ever wondered why Kisame looks waaaaay too much like a real shark?
Yes.

30. Do you hate Orochimaru?
Nope.

31. What about Kabuto?
I'm starting to love him, he's so great now, all creepy, soooo awesome.

32. Have you ever wished Tsunade would get breast reduction surgery?
Why would anyone, seriously? I mean, even if you don't swing that way, are big boobs ever eyesores?

33. You ever feel so bad for Hayate, you just want to squeeze him to death?
Yes. Specifically the death part. HE WOULDN'T STOP COUGHING.

34. Do you think the Yondaime is hot?
omfg YES. Him and Kakashi are in a whole category of their own. They might even be above the sex god Gaara, though not too high.

35. Do you think he's Naruto's father?
Yes, and he passed down his sexiness.

36. Ever wondered what Kakashi actually looks like?
-points up two-

37. Name all the minor ANBU, Jounin, and Chuunin characters you can think of.
I can't even remember my brothers names sometimes.

38. Have you wondered how Jiraiya's face markings have moved down his cheeks over the years? ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8372278/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8372278/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 09:42:26 PDT ~tartomatic5000 http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8317948/ http://tartomatic5000.deviantart.com/journal/8317948/ Thu, 30 Mar 2006 20:19:58 PST Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: [link]
URL for more info: [link]

Only two lows .__. ]]> ~tartomatic5000