http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:tb64&section=today deviantART RSS for by:tb64 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 05 Dec 2009 13:40:46 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/25578254/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/25578254/ Fri, 26 Jun 2009 23:39:00 PDT
After returning off to E3 to visit all the new games coming up. This was a dream come true for me, I always wanted to be at E3 and it was something that I'll always have in my memories. It awe struck me with how big and expensive all these presentations were. It was much more fabulous then the LA car show. The Transformers Booth was off to the side so it didn't get much attention but the people who did come really did enjoy the multiplayer.

After all that I left the project and wished them luck with the DLC. I was transferred back to my old desk at Treyarch which is a lot more homely then my desk at Luxoflux and its good to be back. It's good to see some familiar faces again but sad to say good by to a lot of others as well. I really owe a lot of my success to Chris my project lead for my last two projects. He really let me shine and gave support to me and the whole team. By far he was the best lead I ever had, it's sad to see him go but this all so we can grow.

While I start up on this new secret project my next goal is to become a producer. With all the connections I have made over the years it seems like a good time to attempt to move on up. With a lot of recommendations under my belt I think have a good chance at getting somewhere.

While things as doing good money wise (Love my Subaru WRX btw) things are still rough on time since I manage the house all by myself now a days. It's a bit lonely to be in this big house all alone and without any support but I make due with what I have. My love life is not existent which is too bad. I'm finally at a place where I can support a relationship and with the confidence in my life and myself. The only problem is that the person that I had my eye on is no longer around. She was a friend of friend's girlfriend and after the relationship ended it is too awkward to start something up now.

Well that's all for now. I hope you enjoy my next title .

Titles under my belt:
Memesis Online
Project Entropia
Eve Online
Tony Hawk Proving Grounds
Call of Duty 4
Guitar Hero 3
Call of Duty World At War
Transformers Revenge of the Fallen

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/25125091/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/25125091/ Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:46:32 PDT
I'll update with pictures of Vegas London and E3 later. I'll also add some more stuff about Vegas and London.

Off to my next project.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/22952806/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/22952806/ Sun, 01 Feb 2009 20:38:51 PST
400 of us stood out of our muddy ditches and gave a loud cheer. That is how the last Lionclaws ended.



Ok that was monthes ago, now for more recent news.

I finished off Call of Duty 5 last November. A lot of work has been but in to the game, and I worked myself in to sickness to get the game done on time. Deadlines and pressure consistently loomed over me as more and more responsibility landed on me. Making decisions to get the game out to the stores on time weighed heavily on me. But in the end we were able to pull through. I was able to learn a lot off of the project and able to get one step closer in a higher position at Activision.

I worked from 10am to 2am for 7 days a week, ....for 7 weeks in a row. That's not including my 20 hour shifts I had to do once and awhile.

I hope you enjoy Call of Duty World at War. A lot of work went in to it.


After the project and the mad overtime I found myself with a huge sum of cash. With this cash I was able to purchase the car of my dreams. The all new 2009 Subaru Impreza WRX with 265 HP. With monthes of haggling dealers I was able to get a price below invoice.

Well I'm continuing to work on my next game, at a much less hectic rate. I'm starting to work on my line art again. Hopefully I will get a better car picture and as well as new Negima line art out. Until next time, ja mata ne.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/17354739/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/17354739/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 22:03:12 PDT
Getting ready for Lion Claws 7. Got my M4 rebuilt and repaired. I got a new SA80-L85A1 and upgraded it for long range battles. This time I should be up to par but have to remember not to use it for regular games after this. It is shooting at 450 feet per second with .20g BBs.

I'll update more about LC7 as I get ready and also my new kit.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/16883281/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/16883281/ Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:34:56 PST
The last words I told her was that I'll be fine. In the end like always I found my back on my feet but this time I was not with out scars. 2006 still left its mark on me even today. I can't say that I am the same person any more no matter how hard I try to be. Deep down I still miss her a lot and I look over to the seat next to me when I driving wishing she was still there cuddled up in my jacket sleeping soundly.

I wish with all my heart that things were the way they used to be but I know it would never happen. Even now I dunno if I can let go of what happened. I wished her happy holidays but that was all I could bare to do. I felt any more would bring back too much. All in all its just another lonely valentine day.

Besides love my career is doing alright. Working hard at Activision and doing what I can. At least I'm proud of where I work and what I do. Training to be a Producer but its a long road.

Right now I'm watching Clannad (Great Series), Kimikiss Pure Rouge, and 5 Centimeters Per Secong (Great summary of how my love life went). You should check it out.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/14970652/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/14970652/ Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:50:10 PDT Well I finished my project last month so you will see it in stores this week. My name isn't in the game because I was shifting around on a lot of projects since some teams were undermanned. Since I knew a lot on my project was able to put it to use on others. I had a great time QA, the hours were mad 12 hours for 6 days a week but it was rewarding. Now I'm in the customer service department until the next QA floor opens up.

I'm trying to work my way up at Activision to be come a Producer or Manager and hopefully I can also become a dev for them. I really like my work here and the people I work with. They have made me feel welcome and are always ready to help a co-worker in need to get to his dream.

So far in life though things at school are going poorly and I feel very unmotivated at class. My love life is in the drain and I really start to miss Brooke more and more everyday. I don't know if I miss her or just being in love in general. I try to keep this subject away from thought and I want to focus on work. Love is just going to be last on the list of things to do because I failed so much when I made it my first.

I been getting a lot of comments about my additude like "I wish my boyfriend was as nice/understanding as you" and so on from girls. It makes me feel kinda like the girls who really do get me are always taken. Oh well.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/13787646/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/13787646/ Wed, 18 Jul 2007 21:25:19 PDT
My biggest dream is to work in the gaming industry as a programmer and make video games. Ever since freshmen year in high school I have been studying on how to get that job. I participated in a lot of public alpha/beta tests for many MMOGs. This is my first step in to my dream industry and I am super excited about it. I really honestly didn't think i would ever get to be involved in a video game.

After all that happened this is the best news I have had in a long time.

I have been reading Ichigo 100% over again and recalling the feelings of being in love and what not. I really miss it and not at the same time. The heart break that Manaka feels over his first girlfriend Nishino over and over again is all too familiar to me. But so is the heart warming feelings of the moments that do go right. It all makes me think of my first girlfriend. We may have a long history but I try to remember the good as well as the bad. Only because to not repeat my mistakes and also to remember what its like to be in love.

All in all everything is going better then plan besides my love life. Thats the last on the priority list though.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/13395622/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/13395622/ Mon, 18 Jun 2007 15:08:08 PDT
[link] - (Black haired guy)
Well I joined Operation Lion Claws this year. It was fun but a lot harder then I thought it would be. Next year I'll be more prepared.

I been taking it easy and relaxing for the last few months. I really need some down time after all. I'm going to be moving out this weekend, going to move in with a friend and commute to work from there.

I been practicing with my cooking and getting pretty good at it. I might start picking up on doing some CG works again, I have a nice picture in mind from Nagasarete Airantou.

Lately I have been thinking about Brooke more often then not. I guess its because I have been lonely lately. I'm starting to miss being in love I guess. Theres a few ladies out there I have thought of asking out but I doubt they are interested. I also debating if I'm ready too. For now I try not to think about it.

Life has been easy and simple for now. I don't really have a complaint but I know it about to get a lot harder soon. Enjoying the calm before the storm.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/11564323/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/11564323/ Thu, 25 Jan 2007 12:12:27 PST
There's not much for me to look forward to at this point in my life. I met every goal I had put out for myself already except one, love. I don't really know how to feel about it any more. The girl who I based the word around really tore apart my life. I have nothing to associate the word with and no idea what I'm looking for. I don't even know if I'm ready any more either.

I wish I could go back and change it all.

2006 has been the worst year in my life. Being used by a girl who I thought loved me, then have her break my heart. Horrible school year. Death of family. Failure after failure, the constant nagging of my father. Jobless. Finding myself at the bottom of a glass more often then normal.

I have been keeping myself strong for the sake of those around me though. I try hard to not let it get to me but it does. I have been handling to great in comparison really. All in all I'm glad the year is over. I don't think I can handle another year like that though.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/10295847/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/10295847/ Thu, 05 Oct 2006 17:09:55 PDT
I have been miserible for the last few monthes and with no end. Even though I pretented to be happy I wasn't. My heart had gone through a lot of pain. Through reading this story I found that I have suffered more then enough to pay for my bad deeds. All this pain has been lifted. I feel lighter happier now. I can look at myself in the mirror now, I can wake up in the morning. I can go on. I shouldn't feel guilty or bad over what happened. I have paid my dues and then some.

The story is about the "other man" in the relationship. How he was lonely and when given the chance he washed away his loneliness with a warm embrace of a woman. He feels guilty for it and exiles himself from his friends and family. He gone through more then enough pain that anyone including his enemies wanted. He was only able to reclaim himself at the end.

I suppose I have been lonely ever since that july. I still feel lonely but I don't feel bad about it anymore.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/9370118/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/9370118/ Thu, 13 Jul 2006 22:38:31 PDT
So many things were said between us that all seem like dreams and lies to me now.

"I never want to lose you" But, you still left me.

Why is it that I have to lose you again and again.

My heart dies at the sound of your name and the sight of your face.

I feel used.

July 10th 2006 will always be a painful day for me now and forever.

Why did I have to find your picture while cleaning my room. Why does it hurt so bad. Why does it remind me that I can't forget about you no matter how hard I try. It all seems like cruel fate that we met again.

I wish I was stupid enough to kill myself but I know I'm not. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8833874/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8833874/ Sun, 21 May 2006 10:17:39 PDT
I posted a few pictures from a waterfall on the way to Whister. None of them are edited and are raw pictures due to the fact that Photoshop isn't working. My sister got a Wacom Tablet which is really cool, I drew a few pictures on it looked alright I guess. Those pictures are on her computer so I'm unable to post it. I have to say it feels wierd to use a pen instead of a mouse.

School work just ended for me, now to hope that I passed them. Job hunting right now and maybe some summer school on the side. Airsoft games too, it's going to be a hot summer this year.

I don't think I'll have time for a lot of art but I'll try to take a few interesting snap shots to make up for it. Maybe get that art work i drew for my sis and post in the scraps later this week. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8361390/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8361390/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 07:35:27 PDT
After driving so much this weekend I'm exhuasted. I just want a little time for myself now. Two weeks of perperation has finally ended.

I'm feeling pretty ignored lately but I'm not blaming anyone. I feel a depression hit me. I've got to break out of it.

My photoshop is crashing like crazy so no new turn outs in he art department.

Well I'm feeling a bit too sad to continue so I'll cut it short here. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8154729/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/8154729/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 23:17:56 PST [link]

Grand openning of an airsoft field that I'm very excited about. I can't wait. I'll be squad leader for this event hopefully my tactics wont fail me.

I'm in a pretty good mood now, hanging out with Catria is just always a pleasure. Talking to Brooke here and there but trying not to bother her too much. She always seems busy as of late so I don't want to get in the way. I got to have lunch with her awhile back which was a lot of fun to hang out.

Another good plus is that test is over and I can finally relax. I've been using this time to just relax, let go and lossen up. There's one thing thats missing in my life but I find that I can still smile without it.

Someday I hope I find it.

March 31th! It's lock and load time.

~J.Falc leader ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7895423/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7895423/ Wed, 15 Feb 2006 11:06:50 PST
I have yet to spend this special day with anyone. Must be some kinda of curse on me. It always reminds me of how alone I am, and how love is always evading my grasp. In some ways also why I don't want love.

Right now I don't think theres anything I can do for these feelings in me. It seems like they will just drag me down so for now I'm ignoring it.


In other news I repaired my assualt rifle (airsoft) yesterday. It was my first time taking it apart I hope I didn't mess anything up. I had to deassemble it many times before getting right. Small things like backward parts and rethreading nuts and screws. Glad I took a few metal shop classes.

I also am doing a private beta, the EULA says I can't tell anyone about it. Theres tons of error logs I have to send in but I don't think its from the program. My computer is very out dated, probably the last custom computer I will make. The cost of producing a computer from the ground up is much more expensive then it was when I started. Big companies like Dell and HP have dominated the market with computers. It's very hard to find good and non defected boards left over from their bought out plants.

Might be time for me to trash old "Navi" soon. It's on its last leg for sure.
_______________________________________
Operation: Lion Claws V
[link]

This is probably the biggest airsoft battle. It's "the airsoft game" I just recently started to do OP's and thinking about joining. I'm not the best trooper ever thats for sure but my marksmenship is above normal.

Operation Lion Claws is a military sim, meaning it will be as close to a real operation as possible. There will be military there assisting us and even playing with us. Helicopters, tanks, APCs, and jeeps will be out on the field. 205 vs 205.

Should I join up in this operation? What role should I play?

My weapon restrection classes me as a Rifleman, HK33e and M4 Carbine.

Jobs:
*Ranger:
You will be charged with dropping behind the lines, disabling communications, destroying infrastructure, and disrupting the opponent's ability to mount a defense. Hostile forces surround you. There is no resupply. Every second counts against the mission.

ORGANIZATION:
• Squads of 9 (7 Riflemen, 1 SAW gunner, 1 Heavy weapons specialist)
• 3x Squads per Platoon (Led by Lieutenant and Plt Sgt)
• 3x Platoons per Task Force (Led by Captain and 1st Sgt)

*Marine:
You will be first in - destroying bunkers, disabling mines, and punching through enemy defenses - paving the way for grunts and armor to follow. The terrain will confuse and coordination will be difficult. The thick brush will make close combat a way of life. Each bush, each yard of ground will be paid for dearly… but without you the invasion will stop before it even gets started.

ORGANIZATION:
• Squads of 8 (6 Riflemen, 1 SAW gunner, 1 Heavy weapons specialist)
• 4x Squads per Platoon (Led by Lieutenant and Plt Sgt)
• 2x Platoons per Task Force (Led by Captain and 1st Sgt)

*Cavalry:
Scouts the land, quickly responding to the slightest movement, and acts as the eyes and ears of the ground forces. They must think on their feet because their actions decide the course of future battles.

ORGANIZATION:
• Crews of 5 (3 Riflemen, 1 SAW gunner, 1 Heavy weapons specialist)
• 6x Crews per Platoon (Led by Lieutenant and Plt Sgt)
• 2x Platoons per Task Force (Led by Captain and 1st Sgt)

Who do you think I should join? ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7700377/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7700377/ Tue, 24 Jan 2006 23:50:52 PST
Anyways I entered a big battle so far 100+ people have signed up. Evike.com Operation: War World. Company Beta, woodland. I'm very excited about this battle and got a brand new ICS M4A1 from Evike's.

[link] -Evike
[link] -Operation Lion Claws

Tb64 is back in arms. [link]

Equipment:
Classic Army HK33e
-330 Feet per sec
-330 rnd mag

ICS M4A1
-300 Feet per sec
-450 rnd mag
-300 rnd mag

UHC USP Full
-Non blowback
-2x 15 rnd mags

I.T. Tactical Hoster
Woodland US B.D.U.
Homemade 1 point tactical sling

Wingman gear:
UTG MP5 ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7494934/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7494934/ Tue, 03 Jan 2006 02:02:12 PST
I suppose all in all it wasn't too bad, I wish it was less depressing but the good comes with the bad and vise versa.

With the aftermath of 2005 I find my mind drifting off. My friend asked me if this was the right choice for me. Would I regret what I did this year. I always find Brooke and Amanda on my mind. There are things I want to ask, things I want to help them with, and just so many thoughts about them. I miss them both a lot thats for sure. When I see them or get a chance to talk to them my mouth runs dry. Should I or should I not reach out for them. I always find myself silent, not knowing what to say, feel or do. I don't even know what I want any more.

I'm getting more withdrawn by the week it seems.

Guitar Work: On hold, just finished a song. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7184911/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/7184911/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 13:16:45 PST
Now playing/learning:

Jesus of Suburbia [link]
Green Day

I don't care! (Riff 1)

Everyone is so full of shit
Burn and raised by hipocrits
Hearts recycled but never saved
From the cradle to the grave (Verse)
We are the kids of war and peace
From Anaheim to the Middle Mast
We are the stories and disciples
Of the Jesus of suburbia

Land of make believe
And it don't believe in me (Chorus)
Land of make believe
And I don't believe

________________________________________ ______
My heart broke a long time ago but, it never did die. It only been slowly bleeding like wounds that will never heal.

Every time I hear about my ex talking about marriage its just another twist of the knife to me. I always put up my facsade of a smile. One that I wore through all of Junior High School. I always think about why I even care. I don't want to care thats for sure. I've tried everything I could to stop me from caring with out me walking away. Well today is the day I tried that.

I feel like shit, I can't sleep, I can't think or do anything. I want to get mad I want to yell and scream but I don't even have the energy to do that. I just want to get away from this life now. For me to want death is a rare thing, it's too bad thats never an option for me.

Just fuck it all, my heart is too numb now. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6951812/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6951812/ Fri, 04 Nov 2005 08:27:13 PST
[link]
Now learning:

Green Day [link]
Poprocks and Coke
International Superhits! and Kerplunk

Oasis [link]
Wonderwall
(What's the Story) Morning Glory?

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I
would like to say to
you but I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you,
but I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6826360/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6826360/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:09:43 PDT
Grad night heh, the day we broke up. The night I missed her so much. Her grad night is when she met that guy. December 20th i think 3 days before my birthday.

*sigh*

I feel sick, empty and hollow.





-----------------------------
Added songs to my deviations, since there is not music category, it was moved in to scaps by moderators. They won't show up on my gallery to much of my dismay. Check out my scraps or these following links.

Walking Mind
[link]

Brighter Day
[link]

Desperate Move
[link]

All songs by me. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6729897/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6729897/ Tue, 18 Oct 2005 12:15:06 PDT
Walking Mind
[link]

Brighter Day
[link]

Desperate Move
[link]

All songs by me.

_________________________________
A lot of bad things and a lot of good things have been going on in my life right now. I just don't know how to explain it. Feeling a tad bit discourged right now, I'm trying to not to let it get it to me.

A few days ago I sold my Takahime to Ryan so he can learn how to play guitar. I learned a lot on that Takahime and I remembered how hard it was to play when I first got it and it's horrible condition from being under a leaking water pipe for years. Now it looks like brand new polished shined that would make any guitarist proud. New Martin strings to replace the old rusted ones. Now it rings and has a tone like a champ far too bright for me really but after awhile it grows on you. The 13 year old guitar that I learned on has now been passed on.

With the new cash I got from the guitar, I bought a DX1M Martin, one that I fell in love with when I first stroke the strings. I got it to play for a very special person to me, but found out a little later that person couldn't make it. Shouldn't be a big surprise to me, I understand that people are busy. I can't help but be remind of the countless times a girl cancelled on me. I'm trying not to let it get to me.

I visited her at work and really theirs no hard feelings at all. Just a tad bit discourged to set another day.

I used the free time to teach my friend Ryan how to play the guitar a bit. His quick improvement makes me a tad bit jealous. I'm trying to learn newer and better ways to improve from my level but, has proven difficult with no mentor.

I had quit the Windurst Cavalry and have been going solo ever since. It's a bit lonely but I've always been a lone wolf.

Time for me to pratice a bit more on my new Martin.

Ja mata ne,
~Tb ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6092008/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6092008/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 18:02:17 PDT ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6091822/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/6091822/ Sun, 31 Jul 2005 17:43:55 PDT
I decided to take her advice and try to spend more time with Amanda. She blew me off like usual. This time I talked about it and she said she doesnt want to be with me.

My heart is just so broken right now. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5916970/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5916970/ Tue, 12 Jul 2005 19:14:35 PDT
I'm not doing so hot in school....

My linkshell is falling apart....

I can't sleep...

I made Amanda cry...

I made Brooke run away from me...

I'm a total jerk...

I'm worthless...

I don't do anything good...



..but I'm not going to give up.

In this state of mind is doing no one any good. I have no one to talk to. Everyone has given up on me.



For the first time in a long long time. I feel tired of life again... and it seems it's tired of me. I'm going to rest for a bit and hopefully it will be more welcoming when I wake. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5853021/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5853021/ Wed, 06 Jul 2005 01:42:08 PDT
My friend brought me out to work out with him at 24Hr Fitness. It's been fun hanging out with the guys for a change, I never get to see them during the school year.

My sweetie is by my side with me and always brings a smile to my face. She always makes me feel loved and makes me smile. I'm glad to have her by my side it has been helping me. She is really a sweetheart.

My hard drive died so I lost all the art work that I was working on along with the many stories I wrote too. I don't think im up for the challange of remaking everything I lost. My guitar work is getting a lot better, I still don't know how to play any songs. Too busy making my own . I have after all playing other people's music for years. Its nice to make your own rythms and what you think sounds nice together.

Can you believe I'm almost 21? I still feel the same as I was at 18 but for me 18 felt like 21. Hahahah. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5521404/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5521404/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 12:46:53 PDT
Me on the other hand, lost my car because my brother cant drive his car now. Job with no car =/ I don't know if I can get a job but I guess I'll look aorund with in walking distances. But my friend and me are going to do some wieght training, I need to get back in to shape.

My sweetie and me are doing great, I'm very much in love with her. She is just a great person and just so wonderful. I just wish there was more time we can be together . She completes me and its just so wonderful. I just wish I could do more for my love. I hope someday I can make all her trouble go away and let her live the carefree life she deserves.

For you sweetie. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5298139/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5298139/ Sat, 07 May 2005 23:41:19 PDT
I would like to see a musical art here. DepthCore has some good music.



Anyway my life has been great lately because I found someone that thinks and feels like I do. She can finish my sentances before I can finish. We are starting to get a romanticly involved which is very nice for a change. I really needed this, I really needed her. Although I enter a new page in life with my new love, who I care deeply for, I'll never forget my ex for being the one who brought out my heart in to the world for the first time. I hope that we can still be friends and I hope that her BF that she has been seeing for months have a good time.


Anyways <3 ^_^
I'm in a good mood because of my sweetheart and I'm enjoying this. We have spent almost the whole day together for the last 4 days.

Thanks sweetheart for being so kind to me. Thanks to my friends Tymaishu, Catria, Kima, my ex (now friend) and basicly my whole linkshell in FFXI the WindurstCavalry [link] .
Thanks guys for cheering me up.

]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5254042/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5254042/ Tue, 03 May 2005 07:54:30 PDT ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5199798/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5199798/ Tue, 26 Apr 2005 23:34:22 PDT
Fuck you life, I fucking hate you[life].

---------------------------------------- -------------------------------

Ah well I ordered my Classic Army Hk33e last night. I have a sudden feel to be on field again.

I just couldn't sleep last night I was wondering in the night with my bokken in hand. I focused my thoughts in to the wooden blade and closed my eyes as I swung it down repeatedly like I have praticed so many times. I tried to drain my thoughts my energy and my anger with every swing. The only thing I got was exhausted.

Today I praticed my punch even though my hands were broken from fights years ago and it could break again at any moment. I slammed my fist voliatent and found satisfaction in the loud snap my knuckles made. My hands were broken but it's been so long I have forgotten how much pain a punch can give you.

I know this isn't the best way to treat my anger. It's subsided after all 6 years of trying to stop this side of me you would think that I learn a way and, I have. Well its gone now. The sadness in my heart will always remain. I wish I had someone to talk to but I don't have anyone anymore.

A shadow's existance is what I am. I shall return to my covert world. Disappearing is what I feel is what I need, but not what I want.

Since I have joined DeviantArt in 2002 I put myself un "Shadow Deviant" I guess now you know what I mean by it. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5029519/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/5029519/ Thu, 07 Apr 2005 21:10:09 PDT
What’s fewer then that, is someone who touches my heart. She can touch my heart like no story, movie, and art ever could. She's someone I can always share my feelings with and I never had to hide from her. She has given me so much, most of all a companionship I cherish with all my heart. Her giggle can bring me a smile out of me even if my world has turned upside down. I don’t know why… no I do know why.

She not only touches my heart but fills it as well. I thank her (I know she is reading this). ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4970121/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4970121/ Fri, 01 Apr 2005 12:14:18 PST
Well, things are going crappy as usual, I feel like this is the worst part of my life right now. I hit some low times too but this one seems more helpless then any other. I think in my heart I already given up on it all, I just don't care anymore. Every step forward seems to met with more obsticals. I have resigned as the co-leader of the Cavalry in FFXI, I had many people protest agianst it and wanted me to stay. It just doesn't seem worth it no matter what I do to help I can't make everyone happy. I'm not fit for lead anyways, no matter what people may say, my leadership skills are poor and always will be.

School days seem more and more useless very second I stay in class. I just don't seem even find the power with in me to care a fraction of what they are teaching me.

The only thing that express what I feel is my Les Paul and my amp. It's really the only comfort I have left around me. My friends althought still friends are gone now off doing their own thing. I let the sound echo in my room as I feel soul calm.

Needless to say I'm not feeling good, I don't think I ever will but I don't care anymore. I know after some time my body will go numb and I just won't feel anything. It's already started to happen. My heart is already taxed, it can no longer give the power to care.

It's funny, I used to be such a happy guy, one always to look up. One to always cheer up people. I suppose everything that has happened really was a life changing event. I'm such a different person now then ever. I suppose the old me will always be deep down inside locked away, until one day I will open it.

Well my guitar is finished tuning and its giving me a nice rich clean sound that I love so much. Well off to play.

I'll post my score of my song soon. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4776699/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4776699/ Thu, 10 Mar 2005 11:09:50 PST
Maybe it's what I need, a new beginning.

I talk to my friends and family knowing that this is probably be my last few months with them makes it hard to talk to them.

I wonder sometimes if it's the right choice for me to do this plan.

I want to tell someone but I know they will want to stop me.

If you ask me about this career, I won't tell you sorry.
---------------------------------------- -----------------------
I just finish reading Random1377's final book Itsumo of the Chidori series. It was a fantastic ending and heart felt and powerful. A true masterpiece. It really touched my heart especially at the end. This story is about first loves and I suppose thats why it was so touching to me.

Anyways if your in to Evangelion check out this fanfiction series, or anything from Random. If you only know a little about Evangelion I would recommend you reading as well.

Koibito [link]
Kentou [link]
Amagoi [link]
Kaiku [link]
Shunji [link]
Itsumo [link]

Darkscribes.org » Member Profile » Random1377
[link] ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4711196/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4711196/ Wed, 02 Mar 2005 13:12:03 PST
The rest of the story I wrote in my new deviation [link] the picture of the guitars I've been using to make the song. My guitar is the one to the left a Epiphone Les Paul Studio.

It's been a crappy 2 weeks for me but I think this makes it all up. I'll pratice the song more and record it later.

A special thanks to one special person. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4566382/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4566382/ Sat, 12 Feb 2005 22:58:33 PST
My guitar work is steadly getting better. I bought a new guitar with my New Year's money. It's a Epiphone Les Paul Studio, I got this because I don't want to carry around my brother's Ibanez GSA60 because its not mine. You might see me around campus playing this guitar in my free time [link] Vintage Sunburst. This Les Paul should have the sound that I'm looking for and I'm eager to play it, it's too bad I couldn't afford a Gibson Les Paul.

I've just finish watching the 6th episode of "Air" which is made by the same people who made "Kanon" one of my all time favorite animes. I have to say it's a great series and I love the way the stories touch your heart. The voice acting and animation are top notch which makes the effect all more powerful. I think this recent episode help me look at my situation from a new view. Anyways if you can please check out "Kanon" or the recently aired in Japan "Air".

"Are you smiling now?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Then keep smiling. Continue to smile and say 'Bye Bye.'"

"There is a meaning to wings that cannot not fly. It's a precious memory of when you once flew in the sky." ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4544269/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4544269/ Thu, 10 Feb 2005 07:52:41 PST
Valentine Day is coming up, looks like I'll be lone on that day but thats how it was when I did have a girlfriend. *Sigh* This age thing will always piss me off. Ever since I was a kid I hate to hear I was too young, i's not my fault I'm this young. Whats the difference between then and now? I haven't changed much. Like my friend said they won't let you buy alcohol the day before your birthday because you too young, the next day they will let you, are you going to suddenly mature in a day? Back in the day when she was my girlfriend, I always wanted to do stuff with her but school and her parents always got in the way. Hell, I had to sneak around her perants if I wanted to see her later on. I never got to spend much or any time with her it really makes me sad, even back then. She goes over to her new boyfriends house once I know of, but we never had a chance to do that. I would probably get arrested by her dad for some stupid reason. *sigh* BUT, the times we did spend together were wonderful, all what? 4 times outside of school.

Edit: Ugh, I don't really mean it. I did always cherrish what little we did share. You know, I look back and I just I dunno wish we shared more, too late for that now right? Anyways there was this song that played while I was getting lunch since it is valentine is coming up, it was "I Dont Want To Miss A Thing" -Aerosmith. It made me really sad so I left and skipped lunch.

Em F G
Every moment spent, with you is a moment I treasure


Chorus:
C G
I don't want to close my eyes
Dm F
I don't want to fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you baby
G C
and I don't want to miss a thing
G
'cause even when I dream of you
Dm F
the sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you baby
G C G F
and I don't want to miss a thing

The last line made me leave.

*sigh* I'm just grumpy I guess because of National Single Awareness day/valentine day is coming up. I'll be fine in awhile.

Well in other news my dad is worried about his job, the only job he ever had in America isn't doing well, he is afriad of being fired. He is too old to get another job. So he was thinking of moving to a new state and making a business. If that happeneds I'll have to work full time and find a place to live. College will have to come in second., I'll have to leave my home town as well. I love this town and I don't want to leave but, the few things are keeping me here now a days. Seems that the everyone I know is already starting there own thing but me. Maybe I should just go. Well, I'll see how things turn out. I'll try to hold on to this place as long as I can.
--------------------------------
Art note: Too busy to do art right now. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4478300/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4478300/ Wed, 02 Feb 2005 09:27:54 PST
Well my first class math was pretty good the proffessor isn't so into talking to the board while write as we write down the same as "notes" so she printed out the lecture for us, very nice considering the budget of the school at the moment. My first exam in Symbolic Logic, although my quiz didnt go well, I think I got this in the bag. English was an odd one, the teacher couldnt find the class room. The students waiting for the class thought the room moved to next door which was also english, so with 50 students in 1 class there was a problem. I walked around outside feeling that something was wrong. I found the Professor and took her to class but it was locked and had class out in the hall.

Art I haven't been working on too much, just too busy to finish up Konoka [link] or play my guitar. I might go take the Alto Sax out for a spin since it easy to play. I have a feeling that for Konoka I'll have to come up with a background suitable for it. I can't think of any right now.

Hmm about other things, well I'm using an old trick I used to focus my mind. I think I'm thinking too deeply into errr things. So I'm clearing my head trying to keep destracting thoughts far and few. I feel like I'm avoiding them, I don't like that but I have a feeling that now is not the time to give in to my heart's desires. So I'm going to wait for when it's right.

Focus, consentrate, breath. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4379656/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4379656/ Thu, 27 Jan 2005 22:46:58 PST
I have to say CS:S is starting to grab my attention. It's pretty fun to play it again. I'm starting to get better again.

Guitar is starting to slow down, just trying to remember cords better. The only ones I feel comfortable with is the G C D E F A Am G7 C7 D7.

I'm starting to feel a lot better. Although I'm confused and don't know what the future holds I'm just going to take it one day at a time. Good advice from my friend Catria, thanks cat for lending me an ear and some advice. Thanks to Woodelf for letting me feel that I could share anything. Talking with her helps me a ton as well.

My role in the Windurst Cavalry is dieing down which is good. I'm not a great leader, having to lead a bunch of people for 3 months have been hard. It was fun to get to know everyone though.

Well besides that I'm feeling good but I think I might be getting a small cold. Maybe its just the weather changing, its been getting drier since the rain stopped.

Well cya guys around.
--------------------------------
Work In Progress:
Konoka Colored Jan 27 10:56 PM
[link] ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4323212/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4323212/ Fri, 14 Jan 2005 23:28:40 PST
I've been playing the guitar a lot and I'm still working on it, still a long way to go.

I'm playing this guitar [link] a Ibanez GSA60 dark blue and some times my accoustic Jasmine.

I've finally "spoke" to my ex, and I'm glad to hear that she is doing well. I was worried a lot. I dunno how to explian my situation or stance but I want her to be happy no matter where life takes her, with or without me.

Anyways I'm sorry that I haven't put up any art. Seems like every beautiful picture i see in my mind just wont translate through my hands. I think I'll give up on art for now. I'll probably post some logos or avatars here or there. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4149110/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/4149110/ Fri, 24 Dec 2004 20:20:19 PST
I'm 20 now, my b-day was yesterday. Nothing much to update about. I'm having trouble really with some internal things. I've been thinking a lot maybe a bit too much. Anyways I haven't had much time for art work. The newest thing I did was the [link] website tahts about it. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/3526142/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/3526142/ Wed, 06 Oct 2004 11:42:46 PDT
Things are busy like always, trying to drown myself in something to do so my thoughts dont go on a bad tangent. I suppose most of the time I feel okay but there is a lot of small moments of heart ache. Although the pain is farther and fewer it still hurts just as much as it did before. I always lay awake in my bed trying to sleep but it never comes. I just lay up staring at my ceilling thinking of everything but it. It's troublesome, because I see myself say "I love you" to her face and I know deep down I still do.

So anyways I'm just saying I'm having trouble with sleep, sometimes. That trouble usually only lasts a few minutes so overall im ok.

I have a photoshop pen art of Asuna of Negima. I just don't have the drive and motivation to finish it. Maybe when I'm in the mood.

btw to the RL friends that read this I have a new cell phone number (same old area code) 373 3651 ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/3276356/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/3276356/ Fri, 03 Sep 2004 08:30:16 PDT
Well with my friends in real life and friends on FFXI have helped me cope with this depression. I'm feeling better starting fine myself laughing a little bit more everyday. I'm glad that I know of such great friends. It's been a long awhile since I was able to enjoy myself.

Well at school sit waiting for class or waiting for my sister to leave her class always makes me think about my last gf, I really do miss her a lot. I really do love her a lot still. With a deep breath I try to focus myself away from those thoughts.

Morale: Hehehe changes too much to gauge
Health: (7/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2872188/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2872188/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 17:40:28 PDT
I love her so much, I dream of us having a family together but her father would never accept me. That dream should have been shatterd a long time ago bu it never did. Until today.

My is swimming in pain right now. All I can do is for the best for her. I truely hope with everything in the world that she will be happy and find someone who will take away this pain. My greatest concern always been her happeness not about out relationship.

I love her and I will always but live must go on.

She is forever gone from my arms.











But she will forever remain in my heart.

Good bye my love.

----------------
Added Jul 14

Damn it, the pain hurts more each passing day. I'm getting aggrovated everytime something comes up. I miss her so much more then I ever had before. The emptyness and heartache is unblievable painful to me. My hands won't stop shaking and I'm on the brink of tears every time.

The worst thing is that I know she is going through the same thing and theres NOTHING I can do to comfort her or make her feel better. I hate myself. I alway think if I didn't do this if I didn't do that maybe she wouldn't have to go thru this pain, maybe we will still be together.

God please dry her tears for me. ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2759968/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2759968/ Mon, 28 Jun 2004 23:52:55 PDT
It's been awhile, forever to me. I miss my girlfriend a lot. I love her so much. It's a odd feeling missing someone. I feel like something inside of me is gone. My dreams of her helps me. It reminds we how much we love each other and how much we mean to each other. These feelings warm my heart. I hope that this time passes quickly so we can be together again ^^.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (7/10)
Health: (8/10)
[link] - FFXI stats ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2347161/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/2347161/ Tue, 04 May 2004 10:12:14 PDT
But... my family has been having problems and it's starting to get taxing to those around me. Awhile I try to keep the peace by being mediator, they both ask me to take there side but I can't

It has been keeping me busy and worried. I'm also a little/very sick. (It changes a lot)

On another note, it's my girlfriend's and mine anniversary. There are some difficultes so we can't see each other on our anniversary but mabye we will celebrate it sometime in the future. ^_^


Added May 4:

Well things are getting worse and my influence in my family is dimishing quickly. I can no longer keep the peace and it's quite dissappointing to see my hard work to keep everyone happy fallen to piece with just one small and very stupid incident that happened a year ago. Which why the fought over it makes NO sense at ALL. It was stupid.

I HATE POLICTICS!!!!


Tb Stats:
Morale: (7/10)
Health: (6/10)
[link] - FFXI stats ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1926391/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1926391/ Sun, 29 Feb 2004 10:36:13 PST
Anyways I add a picture of my final fantasy character because I don't want my Journals to out number my Deviantions.

Next journal will be adding Kaori (Kanon) pic.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (9/10)
Health: (8/10)
[link] - FFXI stats ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1866886/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1866886/ Wed, 18 Feb 2004 14:00:00 PST
I feel like my life is getting much better. I'm happy for the way things turned out. I wait for the future for the bad and good. In the meantime I'll enjoy what I have so far.

Well I can say I'm really happy because well... just because of something.

My hand has been a pain lately so I can't draw much (Is this snapping noise ok? Oh well) BUT I've been getting familiar with the pen tool in Photoshop so my next artwork maybe around the corner.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (9/10)
Health: (7/10) (almost 8 but I burnt my tounge)
[link] ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1819070/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1819070/ Mon, 09 Feb 2004 16:17:58 PST
Tb Stats:
Morale: (8/10)
Health: (5/10) little sick ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1744315/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1744315/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:07:19 PST ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1581701/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1581701/ Thu, 25 Dec 2003 11:12:49 PST
Tb Stats:
Morale: (4/10)
Health: (2/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1458076/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1458076/ Thu, 27 Nov 2003 10:25:48 PST
Happy Thanksgiving! I give thanks to God for protecting those whom I love especially with the recent fires. I'm thankful that I was able to meet "her" and love her in the short time we had together. I'm thankful for passing JHS and HS to get to college ( I really don't know if I did pass JHS). I'm thankful for so many things I cant list them all.

Count your blessings not your problems (I guess its hard for me to do).

Tb Stats:
Morale: (6/10)
Health: (6/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1434407/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1434407/ Fri, 21 Nov 2003 21:16:31 PST

Oh well....

Maybe I'll pick up the pencil once more. They say a watched pot doesnt boil and I guess thats what I was doing with my relationship. I kept worrying about this and that. It's normal for me to but you know what, I'm just going to relax and focus on things that I can do something about. I hope the pot boils before I know it. Because of this my morale is a lot higher then it was before.

But I'm sick...

Tb Stats:
Morale: (6/10)
Health: (5/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1401674/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1401674/ Fri, 14 Nov 2003 18:27:21 PST
Enjoy.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (4/10)
Health: (7/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1361920/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1361920/ Wed, 05 Nov 2003 16:06:01 PST
Ok I do miss her, I still love her but I still have to wait. I guess I should just chill for awhile. So far life still sucks but it's all mental so I can work on it. Heh I'm still so confused and lost. School is entering the final strech so I better be on the ball.

I think I have some new poems floating up in my head. Maybe I'll get them to pen.

Hmm I guess thats it.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (3/10) almost 4
Health: (6/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1355363/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1355363/ Mon, 03 Nov 2003 19:06:49 PST
Well if she see's this, Happy Birthday.

*Sigh* I haven't been able to write anything lately. Let alone draw. I'm so lost right now. I can put a happy simle on for family because they care for me and I dont want them to worry. I can't seem to find happiness anymore. I feel empty, drained. I've been told that I'm losing weight and I know that bad for me. I lost 15 pounds of muscle last year.

I'm drifting in to my apathy state again. I don't even care to fight it anymore.

I feel lost in my actions because I'm not sure about her feelings for me.

DAMN IT! I hate feeling like this! I've felt this so much before. I'm starting to not take confort in people.

Heres the point life sucks. When you feel everything is going right for once it kicks you hard and keeps kicking when your down. The higher you are the harder you fall.

I wish someone could tell me what to do. I wish someone could help. I wish things didn't turn out like this. The only one who can help me it seems is God. I'll keep praying.

End Rant.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (2/10)
Health: (5/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1311235/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1311235/ Wed, 22 Oct 2003 20:04:52 PDT
Theres things coming up like Nov 4th. I want to reach out and talk but i can't.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (3/10)
Health: (7/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1265119/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1265119/ Sat, 11 Oct 2003 22:52:51 PDT
I really feel like an idiot. I hate this dilemma I'm faced with. Half of me says its a bad idea the other says its a good idea. I'm so confused. I know what my heart wants but is it ok to let my heart speak? Would it help or would it hurt to lets these words flow from my lips.

Ugh... Everything is getting better just... not the thing i want to get better. I'm posting a new pic that I drew quite sometime ago. I feel tired of all these things I can't wait for my troubles to disappear. I can't remember a time where I was care free. Well, I can but one was because I found something that I never thought could (love) and one a long long time ago when I was young and ignorant of all the bad things around me.

Another thing I'm posting is something I made YEARS ago. Life sucked when I wrote this small poem. This I would have to say was the bottom of the barrel in my life. EVERYTHING was getting me down back then and I started to question why I live. When it came down to it was because I would hate to see the sad face on the people who knew me in my death. That I rather wear it. I don't really know if this poem still matters to me today... I found more things to live for.

Man it sounds like my life sux but hey there were GOOD times. For good and bad, my life was pretty balanced. Good times like "The Real Deal" CS clan, my friends(huge support in my life even if they dont know it), and (sometimes) family.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (3/10)
Health: (7/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1255892/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1255892/ Thu, 09 Oct 2003 15:58:03 PDT
I miss her so much it's unbelievable even to me.

Tb Stats:
Morale: (3/10)
Health: (7/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1192718/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1192718/ Sat, 27 Sep 2003 20:45:16 PDT
I feel the bullets wizz by my face and body. I stay calm as I bring the gun up to my sight and aim carefully.

A bullet slams in to the wall behind me and its sound rings in my ear.

Not yet.

Another one slams the ground below me bring dust up with it.

Not yet.

I feel the cloth around my leg being ripped off by another shot.

Not yet.

The click of his gun is followed by an out of place silents, void of any resounding shots.

Now. With the careful aim I fire a round that wanted badly to exit the chamber. With that round and that one alone the person before me falls to the ground.

It was another day for my avatar Tb64. Ok, I've been playing a lot of Natural Selection. I've been getting really good at commanding also.

Well anyways I've been playing a lot to get my mind off things. When I'm in the heat of battle I forget about it all and focus on the battle. I need to focus on something else now a days. I miss her a lot and she is getting in to my mind all the time. Most of these thought are about how it all ended and what happens if it beings again.

Well all of my friends are gone... It's so odd I've been with them for a very long time. breranthony & I been friends with since Kindergarten. These were my only true friends. Some of them I have a bond like I would with a brother. We are all moving to our own goals. I wish them luck and hope that we will meet again after we get to our goal.

My health is good / normal. My morale is low cuz theres things I want to do but I can't. *sigh, pulls out LMG* Some Slulks are gonna die cuz I can't clear my head. Catch me at [link] Name TRD|Tb64.


Tb Stats:
Morale: (4/10)
Health: (8/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1112302/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1112302/ Sat, 30 Aug 2003 10:13:11 PDT
Classes on MWF is 11am-3pm, TTH 9am-2pm. BUT i have to drive my sis to school i get there at 7am -_-;. Oh well. I spend a lot of time wondering the campus or sleeping in my car(which is the 200sx now, I miss my Corolla). Wed the school held a free lunch with a concert from Yellowcard which was cool but, I didn't go to it I had math.

I had fun with my friends last sat I got an A rating on Police 911 got 2 from the top.

Life is kinda hard now and studying has bit in to my sleep as well. I'm tired everyday and I've been thinking a lot about someone. I wish I could get just one word thru but....

Tb Stats:
Morale: (5/10)
Health: (5/10) ]]> ~tb64 http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1086923/ http://tb64.deviantart.com/journal/1086923/ Thu, 21 Aug 2003 18:15:15 PDT
My knee is now purple to red. It's healing but its taking it's sweet time.

"Soon, much too soon, I find my self on the ship in mid-flight staring out the window as was many others were doing. We have damned our loved ones to die slowly on the world below. We soaked in the memories of the large orb. We all silently mourn those who died and destined to die. No one spoke the only noises you could hear was cries but for most of us they were distant in our minds. We were so lost in our minds that we barely remembered to breath. I turned away from the window not be able to bare parting from the world that I lived on. I didn’t realize that the world that I hate was the one I loved. It held painful memories but they were the only memories that I have. As this hit me I could not breath I felt like I was choking. I reach to my eyes shielding the tear from those around me." -"The Ark" by Tb64 (Earth was abandon only people under the age of 40 is able to board. Leaving his parents on the earth.)

Tb Stats:
Morale: (6/10)
Health: (6/10) ]]> ~tb64