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        <title>deviantART: by:tears-for-christ</title>
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        <pubDate>Sun, 20 Dec 2009 09:59:51 PST</pubDate>        
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                  <item>
                <title>Broken bits</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/10282582/</link>
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                <pubDate>Wed, 04 Oct 2006 13:36:01 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ I do not know why people hurt me so much... i am kicking my self in the ass. because of everything... rummors are flying. that i am pregant some that i am pregnant with my cousins baby... and i am sick of people talking shit it fucking pisses me off... i am sick of talk i am scared enough of being pregnant as it is... apparently i look pregnantish but i dunno... i am too scared to tell my mom... and people are spreading rumors mostly justin... and i don't know why he is saying shit... i think he is just pissed off that i was with another guy besides him... if he didn't want me to be with someone else then he should have asked me out i waited for him for four years and all summer. it makes me so madd.... i told him because i trusted him... and because i loved him.. he hasn't talked to me in a month... i am so scared and hurt and i hate gossip... exspecially when i can't truthfully deny it...i don't like me very much right now... a guy in my school told my friend katie to tell me to stop looking over at him and she said why i love aleah she is nice and he said yeah nice enough to get pregnant with her cousins baby.. i am pissed... first off i was extreamly drunk... and i DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yet that little bit is left out in any gossip... why can't any one defend me i was wrong i admit... BUT I AM PAYING FOR IT.... GOD HELP ME....  i need you now.... i need some one anyone just to confort me... i am so upset i don't know what to do... and there is no i can trust... because rumors fly... and the only one i trust is katie... I AM SCARED I AND I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW... i don't know what to do... but i just want to fall off the earth and make this all stop and go away.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>who i am</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/10267727/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 03 Oct 2006 05:24:41 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i don't really know anymore i seem to have lost that long ago... in the past i was always a different person everyday i seemed to have lost the true me then. so no who i am is who ever it pretend to be for that particular momment ... i dunno... i was so unpopular but now i have men chasing me down. i have one that tells me i would make a hell of a house wife,  two asked me out i turned one down and told the other i didn't know. i had one really annoying loser kid tell me i was beatuiful... i had and ex tell the kid who says i'd be great house wife that i was the best girlfriend he has ever had... apparently he wants to go back out with me... i duno the one i turned down in turn said i was a whore and that i was easy.... (HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE KNOW???)... seriously he got pissed because i didn't want to date him... well i don't date men that have the maturity level of a toddler. and he is way to imature.. he pisses me off. any way the second one jimmy is only fifteen he hasn't hit puberty yet and he is too young i am i am turing seventeen he just turned fifteen... he is not my type... and i think i might have a thing for house wife boy but i am afarid he is too much of a womanizer and that that would be and abusive realtionship which I DO NOT NEED... so i dunno its weird. i dyed my hair red.. last night just the tips... any way i am going to go no but yeah i'll i keep you up dated.  the aren't i love with me<br />
the are inlove with the person i temporarly pretend to be.<br /><br /> ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>A really sad sorry for me.</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9996004/</link>
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                <pubDate>Thu, 07 Sep 2006 07:00:10 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Die, deny and kill much more<br />
salvage my soul whats left of me<br />
broken and torn a bloody mess<br />
change, derange, so gone now.<br />
fall forever, fade too fast, sleep slips through my hands<br />
you keep me up with such sad thoughts<br />
adolences fades away.<br />
sick in the morning tired all day<br />
ankles swell so much<br />
drunken days behind me now.<br />
take care of whats inside<br />
take care of me, i know you wont<br />
look what we have created now.<br />
damaged pride, a wounded soul<br />
risked a lot  and lost too much.<br />
gained something deep inside<br />
Die, Deny it can't hurt much more then this. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>party princess to puking queen</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9880958/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 28 Aug 2006 05:27:38 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i drank entirly too much last night... i puked up pure alchol... to much soda (coke cola) and vodka. <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/d/drunk.gif" width="25" height="28" alt=":drunk:" title="Drunk" />  we played asshole last night (a card game) and i was the asshole i lost like every round and i had to drink when ever i lost or broke a rule... it was my first time playing i broke a lot of rules. I SAW JUSTIN YESTERDAY.... <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/d/date.gif" width="36" height="22" alt=":date:" title="Date" />  it was the best day ever!!!!!!!!! it was great... i love him so damn much... i dunno how to begin to explain what happened. but it was great!! so i spent half the night with my head in the toliet <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/t/toilet.gif" width="15" height="19" alt=":toilet:" title="I need to pee!!!" />   puking... (eewwww gross) <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/saddrunk.gif" width="26" height="15" alt=":saddrunk:" title="Sad Drunk" />  but i woke up with out a hangover i am glad for that... i am sick of partying i always feel like shit after.... but i don't mind going to justins but my sisters house is where we party... shit i hate going over there because u are expected to party.... but anyways. leave some love for me here... ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>getting married</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9853909/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 25 Aug 2006 18:12:12 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i was just proposed to... i am so happy of course i said yes... the wedding of course is august 28 2007 i am so happy and i get to see justin the day after tomorrow yay sex... and then i was promoted at d2 d(squared) not d two. i am very excied.. .too bad the ring is a little to small for my ring finger. but still we are getting married... a reality. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>I need a drink</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9715712/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 13 Aug 2006 17:00:30 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Ah i am too sober to deal with all this shit right. dani is doing coke and i am too sober to deal with that  i am SOOOO fucking sick of it. i am fucking pissed i need a ciggarete and i am ready to slap a bitch...  i know i am not setting a good example but i am not doing coke and shit... some tiimes pot and alchol... if she keeps it up we are done. i can't deal with this shit.... i really can't i am too depressed and suicidal for this shit... i need some body to love me... that is why i am sleeping around i need some one to love me and maybe if gave good sex the would like me.. and they would love me... i dunno i am a an attention whore turned in to a real whore... ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Whats MINE</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9688881/</link>
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                <pubDate>Fri, 11 Aug 2006 09:39:51 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ HE WAS MINE.... YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM BITCH WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE...<br />
My so called friend just got a job with justin and i am pissed... if they get back together or start hanging out i'm going to loose it... HE IS MINE!!!!!!! all i can think of is the song " i am going slightly mad" by queen... I AM GOING SLIGHTLY MAD<br />
i am in an INSANE fit of RAGE.... INSANELY JELOUS i love him. i WANT HIM TO MY SELF.... i love him... i do anything for him i was always there WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? i was the crying shoulder the two am phone call the voice of reason the love when he needs it and the booty call SO BITCH BACK OFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Silent tears fall from my cheeks<br />
To stifle my broken heart<br />
Silent screams escape to dark damp wall abandoned once again<br />
All out of scotch cant find the tape<br />
My balance split in two<br />
No more me and no more him<br />
A tear along the seam<br />
Love too much and die too soon<br />
Backstabbing friends unite<br />
Dance alone a thick fool moon<br />
Darkened both our doors<br />
Freedom from me and free from you<br />
No way to play for keeps<br />
A blade in hand to hide the sorrow<br />
Because <br />
Roses were red now my violets are black<br />
How lovely do I look with your knife in my back?<br />
Razor to wrist end it this time<br />
You should have NEVER touched what was MINE! ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>ANYTHING FOR YOU</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9582217/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9582217/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 02 Aug 2006 22:12:23 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ ....  not much to say i would do anything to make him happy i just had a fourtyfive minute conversation that got him horny and he wants to 'see' me friday agian... he said he doesn't want to have a relationship yet but he sends such mixed signals i dunno what he wants anymore except in bed which i oblige is every desire and command. to show that i care about what he wants and that i love hm.... i just don't want to get over my head agian i am worried about that but i love having or little excurstion and stuff but i want to be more then fuck friends.<br />
<br />
On my knees just love me please<br />
Anything for you<br />
<br />
Is that what you then I want it to<br />
Please just love me now<br />
You say you do but I cant trust<br />
The things being said in the heat of lust<br />
The one that  pull me down<br />
Caress your neck and nibble you ear<br />
Just to hear you moan<br />
Things are best where they are<br />
Yet I still reach for your fly<br />
Thing are better left alone<br />
Before it makes me cry<br />
To much for a heart to bare<br />
That its tearing at the seem<br />
All out of scotch and out of tape<br />
To fix it once again<br />
<br />
On my knees just love me please<br />
Anything for you. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>babies with babies</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9491439/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 25 Jul 2006 15:13:58 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Muscles clenched pick up the phone<br />
Im not surprised that no one is home<br />
Was just calling to break the news<br />
To look a the bomb and still light the fuse<br />
Who knew that a love so wrong<br />
Would  make a baby growing strong<br />
Woke up this morning and start to cry<br />
Sick as hell I want to die<br />
Want to tell you but dont know how<br />
So I live in denial<br />
I know I can hide it for a little while<br />
Used worthless I feel like a whore<br />
Die, deny, and not innocent anymore<br />
Things went from bliss to bad<br />
Me a mom and him a dad<br />
Ignorance and pain, not so smart<br />
To hear a tiny beating heart<br />
Honey I am pregnant will you leave me too<br />
Here all alone to suffer through ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Beautiful agian</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9468709/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sun, 23 Jul 2006 14:11:57 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i am feeling better now i am taking better care of my self excerszing and eating right. i am so pretty lately i have been getting compliments left and right and i feel better about myself. i am going to put up a pic of me maybe my dani is coming  home saterday WOOOOA BABY i am so pumped i havn't seen my best friend in like three months. i am so happy.....  yay and she is coming home and she thinks i am beyond beautiful just the way i am. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>FAT</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9418357/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 18 Jul 2006 16:40:15 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Fat is the only word for me i hate my self... being bulmic didn't work nothing does. and i can't loose weight its fustrating. well poem time.<br />
<br />
<br />
Awake all night tired all day<br />
Nightmares that come to stay<br />
Wake up avoid the mirror.<br />
Cant stand what I see.<br />
Nothing but fat<br />
A discussting mess<br />
Need to lose like eight pounds<br />
Work hard<br />
Excersise.<br />
But nothings right with me.<br />
Cant do it<br />
Need to be thin<br />
I never was the pretty one but I want to be<br />
So I can be a peace<br />
With the mirror and me<br />
I hate it<br />
Stop eating puking my guts<br />
Tried  every trick.<br />
And still gross and sick<br />
Help please <br />
Before I quit. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>When two are One</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9409274/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 17 Jul 2006 19:22:43 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Mile apart inside <br />
My words arent coming out right<br />
Want to tell you how I feel<br />
But Im still not sure.<br />
<br />
Love you lots and more then life<br />
But I dont know how far<br />
Will we go as wife.<br />
<br />
Not doubting us. Just more then bestfriends<br />
What does it mean when a kiss is more<br />
going farther a lesbian whore<br />
<br />
August is coming up real soon<br />
Well be brides who needs a groom<br />
Pagan wedding based on trust<br />
A relationship based more then lust<br />
<br />
Missing you so far away<br />
Babys coming home to stay<br />
Exicitement comes beyond words<br />
<br />
Me and you just the two living together now<br />
We can be happy I show you how.<br />
Working living having so much fun<br />
When our two lives finally be come one.<br />
<br />
COFFE LOVES TINK.... THIS IS OUR FUTURE... I LOVE YA GIRL<br />
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER AND EVER BABE.... just a concept... whatever i dunno whats going on sweets we gots ta talk when you get here.... see you soon. wether it be plane train or car.... ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>love</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9353936/</link>
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                <pubDate>Wed, 12 Jul 2006 12:06:00 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i just need a guy to love me. some one who will hold me close and tell me how much he loves me no matter what. and when i am crying he would wipe my tears... your know some one that even if they don't have all the answers they still hold you close and squeeze you tight... i want so much for some one to just love me. but  its hard for someone else to love me when i can't even love myself. i am so depressed lately... still waiting for "prince charming" or my Knight in shining armor.but he some where else... i need someone to love me.... i am so lonly i  could die... i need some one else to fill the void. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Sorry sister</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9345495/</link>
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                <pubDate>Tue, 11 Jul 2006 16:19:06 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ We all do things that we regret and aren't exactly smart. we all make bad choices be it sex drugs and boys. well my choice in who i am with makes my sister mad. i promised i wouldn't hang out with justin any more and yet i was at his house yesterday.... shit happened sis is pissed. making me feel like shit but i love him and i love her. i don 't want to choose between them. i know things in the past havn't worked out with me and him and yeah i have been hurt really bad. but i am a different person. and so is he. you know there is something there and i am not going to give up till i find out what. i love him and i love her i am sorry i hurt her. and i am sorry i am messing up.... KAYLA i love ya sis.... but i love him too.<br />
<br />
Betrayed you betrayed me<br />
Somethings are better laid to rest<br />
I dont know why I couldnt stay away<br />
No reason really to speak<br />
I wish so much for you to understand<br />
That theres some thing there for me<br />
And empty relationship as tired as tears<br />
Sorry to make you mad<br />
But I cant leave him with out going back<br />
Forgive my weak mind and state<br />
Sorry that I cave<br />
Giving into desires and wants<br />
Cant pretend for you.<br />
I know you want the best for me<br />
But  best is bitter sad<br />
Run away from you and me<br />
Hiding in his arms<br />
To make and take a broken heart<br />
The pieces glued again<br />
I can run from you and run from him<br />
But cant out run my self<br />
Sorry I hurt you.<br />
But I cant hurt myself<br />
More then I already did<br />
I hate when we fight I am sorry again<br />
There so much words cant say<br />
Cant take back what I did<br />
Apologize once again<br />
SORRY SORRY but thing still sad<br />
My fault thing fall to fragments<br />
Dark stories sappy tears<br />
Things that take my time<br />
Take me from you and him from me<br />
Just take it all away.<br />
Forgive my weakness and forgive my flaws<br />
Never made for apologies.<br />
Words are wrong and sorry is stale<br />
Deranged and darkness goes.<br />
Sorry my sweet for silent sobs<br />
That rob you of your sleep.<br />
Cant take back whats done so far<br />
Dollar short a day to late<br />
Wonder what its worth<br />
An apology from a child of choice<br />
Well thats it just a long goodbye,<br />
Goodbye I wish you well<br />
Apologize again	<br />
SORRY THAT I FELL ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>I surrvive with sissors</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315224/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 08 Jul 2006 20:01:01 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Little things to get me through the day<br />
Pin prick pain and pus<br />
Hurting me and hurting you<br />
The little things that get me through<br />
Survive life and hell my so called life<br />
Winning it with just a knife<br />
Silenced pain with no sound.<br />
Watch me slowly as I drowned. <br />
Hurting me and hurting you <br />
The little things that get me through.<br />
Memories and wishes. And childlike kisses.<br />
Drag you back to here<br />
No pain nothing for sane. A blaze so high inside<br />
Pretty princess will prettier pills<br />
To make me better now<br />
Little things get me through the day. Pin prick pain and pus<br />
Hurting me and hurting you the little things that get me through<br />
I survive with scissors. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>tear drops and roses.</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315162/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315162/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:52:26 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ HEY GO BACK AND READ MY OTHER JOURNAL ENTRYS SOME THINGS MAYBE UNFINNISHED....<br />
<br />
<br />
Bought you a rose and hundred more.<br />
And wrapped them with love and tears<br />
 Ship them to you before the wilt.<br />
And die so quickly gone.<br />
Squeeze the thorns and out come blood<br />
That ties you to the time.<br />
Present day and broken trust<br />
To take my rose to you.<br />
Tear drops and roses from the dust<br />
Building love with perfect trust. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>when i am sane</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315133/</link>
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                <pubDate>Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:48:47 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Five A.M. and your still gone<br />
Alone in bed again<br />
Absent you and lost my mind<br />
Wishing you here again<br />
Stars so pretty you could almost scream<br />
Not right with out you.<br />
How dare then shine when I am so Hurt<br />
Damn them all for you.<br />
Wish you were here. Sorrowful eyes.<br />
Dying once again.<br />
Knotted stomach tightened chest.<br />
Still with out you girl.<br />
Gather here among the tears.<br />
The silence makes no sound<br />
Tired of trying. And trying to quit<br />
Baby I need you here.<br />
Sorry sound of so sad eyes<br />
And tears that hit the ground.<br />
Hold me tight with your mememories.<br />
As my mind slips away<br />
Baby please just stop the rain<br />
Will you still love me when I am sane?<br />
<br />
My computer is being dumb and i can't submit but i can use my journal so all the new stuff is going here for now. sorry if its an inconvience. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Old stuff... Poem... 4 her agian</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315087/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9315087/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:42:05 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Wasting a way waiting for you to call<br />
Blow it off again to day<br />
Sitting here wait, sometimes debating.<br />
Should I call u?<br />
<br />
I thinks it fucked that your gone<br />
And I am alone.<br />
Sitting here of course waiting by the phone				<br />
So hard to sit here with out u..<br />
Wondering when your coming back <br />
To the place you use to live.<br />
<br />
To the girl you were going to marry<br />
I think its fucked up that Im still waiting.<br />
Yeah waiting for weeks. No word from you.<br />
I love u you know it s true<br />
But I  dont know how much more<br />
I can take from an absent you.<br />
How much more am I going go through.<br />
<br />
I think its fuck up I am still waiting<br />
No longer wait by the phone.<br />
This the last time I let u leave me alone. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>party princess</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9314374/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9314374/</guid>
                <pubDate>Sat, 08 Jul 2006 18:07:48 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ i am so depressed. i can't stand it anymore i am sick of feeling so sad nothing makes me happy. i can party and pretend. but still it masks what lies beneath. the monster threating to swallow me whole. i miss dani so much i can't take it. it hurts so much. its funny how every song reminds me of her. so i turn off the sound. i lay in bed and the silence makes me crazy. some drugs to drown it out. that pass the time really quick. and then when i am sober think agian. the drugs just hide what lies beneath. but  i can't run from something that will never quit. is just an endless cycle. i can't find anything that makes me happy. i think i know what they mean by dying from a broken heart because everyday i die a little i miss you so much but i can't keep you here. its not. right for me to make you stay. i want to be happy.. but i can't nothing makes me happy not even  my fake smiles. my sister is turning eighteen next month and then in march going to college. my friend chambers is going soon and i am left behind in ct. with one more year left of high school is sucks to be so young yet i never want to grow up. i look back when i was doing the teen thing for the first time and wondered where'd my child hood go. finally i realize what i have been missing and now i mourn for what i never had. selfish really but thats just me. i dunno what to do... o shit great i am crying agian.... damn it... DANI BABY PLEASE COME HOME... i know you feel like shit and so do i know you are trying to forget me and what you miss but you can't i don't want you to forget me and it hurts to think... i dunno baby i things aren't the same with out you it hurts too much. PROZAC NATION.... like ten pages say my life.... go figure. i am deperessed. and i don't know how to handle everything my world is crashing down. dani your  my tower, my rock the apple of my eye the cream to my coffee, but lately i have been drinking it black with energy drinks to get me through... just one way to try to stop missing you.... i dunno any more. but i am hurting no matter what. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>DANI'S SORRY POEM</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9139719/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9139719/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:53:12 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ TINK LOVES COFFEE<br /><br /><strong>Mood</strong>: <img style="vertical-align: middle" src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/f/fingerscrossed.gif" alt="Hopeful" title="Hopeful" /> MYSTICAL<br /><strong>Listening to</strong>: love stinks<br /><br />sorry - Complete Piece<br />
I left you again.<br />
Waiting for my special call.<br />
Waiting to see when I would be home again.<br />
I called to say I wouldnt be there at all.<br />
<br />
You pleaded and cried.<br />
Begging me not to go.<br />
You know that I lied.<br />
I lied again when I said that I had to go.<br />
<br />
I hate not being with you.<br />
But I hate standing still.<br />
All that I want is for someone to come too.<br />
Someone to travel with at will.<br />
<br />
I feel like a shark.<br />
Never staying long.<br />
One day Im in a park.<br />
The next Im long gone.<br />
<br />
You try to keep me interested.<br />
Try to make me stay.<br />
So many things tried and tested.<br />
Yet I still do things my way.<br />
<br />
I know that Im only running away.<br />
You dont have to point it out.<br />
What am I supposed to say?<br />
Its the only way left to keep people out.<br />
<br />
I cant look in your eyes anymore.<br />
Even your picture makes me feel ashamed.<br />
I lost the reason that Im doing this for.<br />
Or maybe there are just too many to be named.<br />
<br />
Ill settle one day.<br />
When I find a place to call home.<br />
You may not have much to say.<br />
But it will be the last time that I leave you alone.<br /><br />THINGS WILL BE BETTER YES TOMORROW STILL DRUNKEN NOW SAD AND SORROW ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>a poem for my so called friends</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9136415/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9136415/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 21 Jun 2006 11:19:07 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ SEE ALL OF YOU IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br /><strong>Mood</strong>: <img style="vertical-align: middle" src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/n/ninjabattle.gif" alt="Dangerous" title="Dangerous" /> depressed and dying<br /><strong>Listening to</strong>: last train home lostprophets<br /><br />Walk all over me push me down<br />
Take advantage of me and I stick around<br />
Sick of being stood up<br />
Sick of your lies<br />
<br />
Another piece slowly dies<br />
Hated me hated you before<br />
I cant do this stupid shit no more<br />
<br />
Walk on me look whos left holding the bag<br />
Never seen the knives inside	<br />
Sick of pretend friends guess who lied<br />
<br />
What is a friend some one who is there<br />
Your not  a friend do you fucking care?<br />
Need me need you<br />
A fool to think youd see it through<br />
<br />
Youll be sorry wait and see<br />
You be sorry you fucked with me.<br />
Mystic forces on my side<br />
Bitch youll be sorry you ever lied.<br />
<br />
So good bye I wish you well<br />
Ill be waiting for you in hell<br /><br />YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK THANK SO MUCH I AM GLAD I HAVE SUCH GREAT FRIENDS!!!!! ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>fake friend and family ties</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9136361/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9136361/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 21 Jun 2006 11:14:32 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ HELL CAN'T BE WORSE THEN WHERE I AM<br /><br /><strong>Mood</strong>: <img style="vertical-align: middle" src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/c/crying.gif" alt="Crying" title="Crying" /> depressed and dying<br /><strong>Listening to</strong>: last train home lostprophets<br /><br />i am sick of friends that lie to me use and abuse me. the so called friends that i have always been there for  blew me off  today. today was supose to be a girls day out that make us feel good. i had to work at two thrity and they decieded they didn't want me to go last minute because they didn't want to have to leave and take me home my twelve year old cousin who was in a fuckin wheel chair was told she could go and they let her down too we were planning for a week they left me last minute sitting out side. waiting for them. i told them it was really fucking nice i have too much shit going on and i didn't need theirs i need them and they let me down.  my mom doens't care...  and my step dad moody.  i am leaving. and i have to go to work. i hate my life...  well this isn't how i wanted to spend my midsummers eve. what ever people like hurting me its what they do best and i just a fucking door mat. no matter how i try i am still defeated and usless a fat fucking cow that should have never been born.<br /><br />why do i bother anymore can you tell me beause i  don't know any more ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>tattie is talking to you!</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9113068/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9113068/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 19 Jun 2006 07:36:56 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ hey leah! it is me... tanya we are in the liberry lol. i had no idea about all that was going on with you. you had told me some of it in c.ia. but not all of it. just so you know you can call me over the summer. i gave you my number already. if you ever need to talk and you cant get a hold of tink, then you can call me. okay?<br />
<br />
btw, i like you poetry. you and dani seem to have the same style almost, althought she is more of a rhymer than you are. well i hope you remember me if you need to talk, bye!<br />
ALOUIE!!!!!!<br />
<img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/w/w00t.gif" width="23" height="23" alt=":w00t!:" title="w00t!" /> ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>TINK AND COFFEE</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9112811/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9112811/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 19 Jun 2006 06:59:04 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ My world has gone to hell and so have i can't do this shit... i am sick of everything. i miss my baby... i worry about her so much... i just don't want her to fall back to old way depression and demons. that haunt her... my stepdad has a dissease alpha one antrypisn empysma and  now i have to worry about him getting a respitory infection and dying. great. i hate it. i am OUT... i am just going to take a hint from my baby and go... i am going to my fathers. i can't be here anymore.... it hurts so much i cryied for and hour or two last night and called my step mom she said she is going to try to get. me. i dunno my life is shit and no one cares... i a am failing schools some days i just want to die. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>BLAH&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9059987/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9059987/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 13 Jun 2006 19:27:58 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ SUCH a MIGRIANE.... justin free right now... haven't talked to him since... june seventh... wow. six days... is it bad that i miss him... mrs. bridges says after five or six days there the withdrawl phase and i am going to miss him... i do... but yeah... this is whats good for me... i know it... this is my medicine for the bad disease called justin... but moving on from him. talking to mike gawd i haven't herd from him in a while. i can't even think My dani is back YAY!!!!!!!!!! i am so pumped about that. its awesome. i am glad she's home her and daddy are picking me up tomorrow.. YAY!!! we are going to watch hoodwinked, thirteen,(the story of our lives) The ringer... and many more.  you should check her DA site out she got some good poetry.... shes a lot like me... but she her own person and catagory... her page is <a href="http://www.2lostandfar2hopeless.deviantart.com">[link]</a> check her out PLEASE.... <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/p/please.gif" width="15" height="22" alt=":please:" title="Please" />  for me... naw she gots a lot of good stuff. i love her.<img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/h/hump.gif" width="27" height="17" alt=":hump:" title="Humpin that leg!" />  lol.....  i is tired. <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/s/sleep.gif" width="38" height="22" alt=":sleep:" title="Sleep" />  but yet i bable on... go figure that one. <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/b/blahblah.gif" width="37" height="15" alt=":blahblah:" title="You talk too much!" />  <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/b/blowkiss.gif" width="35" height="21" alt=":blowkiss:" title="Here's a kiss for you, my love!" />  good night i am going to bed because my   <img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/p/pills.gif" width="42" height="17" alt=":pills:" title="Pills" />       are kicking in... to kill the migraine... yay percriptions....<img src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/e/excited.gif" width="23" height="19" alt=":excited:" title="OMG! I can't contain my excitement!" /> ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>TWO OF MINE AND DANI'S SONGS</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9059886/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/9059886/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 13 Jun 2006 19:16:10 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ WHERE'D U GO... FORT MINOR<br />
<br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
<br />
She said somedays I feel like shit <br />
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit <br />
I don't understand why you have to always be gone <br />
I get along but your trips always feel so long <br />
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone <br />
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone <br />
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call <br />
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so <br />
<br />
I want you to know its a little fucked up that <br />
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debatin <br />
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career <br />
Me and the rest of the family here singing <br />
<br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Please Come back home <br />
<br />
You know, the place where you used to live <br />
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs <br />
Used to have a little party every halloween <br />
with candy by the pile but now <br />
you only stop by every once in a while <br />
Shit <br />
I find myself just filling my time <br />
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind <br />
I'm doing fine and I'm plannin' to keep it that way <br />
You can call me if you find that you have something to say <br />
And I'll tell you <br />
<br />
I want you to know its a little fucked up that <br />
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating <br />
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career <br />
Me and the rest of the family here singing <br />
<br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Please Come back home <br />
<br />
I want you to know its a little fucked up that <br />
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debatin' <br />
Tired of sittin and hatin' and making these excuses <br />
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta useless <br />
It seems that one thing has been true all along <br />
You don't really know what you've got till its gone <br />
I guess I've had it with you and your career <br />
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it <br />
<br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Where'd you go? <br />
I miss you so <br />
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone <br />
Please Come back home <br />
<br />
Please come back home <br />
Please come back home <br />
Please come back home <br />
Please come back home<br />
<br />
TELL ME THAT YOUR ALRIGHT MOTION CITY SOUND TRACK SONG 2<br />
Tell me that you're alright<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
oh please tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
 <br />
Give me a reason to end this discussion,<br />
To break with tradition, to fold and divide.<br />
'Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes,<br />
Talking with strangers, waiting in line.<br />
I'm through with these pills that make me sit still.<br />
Are you feeling fine?<br />
Yes, I feel just fine.<br />
<br />
Tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
oh please tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
<br />
I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous<br />
Like cleaning the oven or checking my tires Or counting the number of tiles on the ceiling.<br />
Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!<br />
<br />
I used to rely on self-medication.<br />
I guess I still do that from time to time.<br />
But I'm getting better at fighting the future.<br />
Someday you'll be fine.<br />
Yes, I'll be just fine.<br />
<br />
Tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
oh please tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
<br />
Give me a reason <br />
(I don't believe a word)<br />
To end this discussion<br />
(Of anything I heard)<br />
To break with tradition<br />
(They tell me that its not so hard)<br />
to fold and divide<br />
(It's not so hard)<br />
So let's not get carried<br />
(Away with everything)<br />
Away with the process <br />
(From Here to in-between)<br />
of elimination<br />
(The long Goodbyes)<br />
I don't want to waste your time.<br />
<br />
Tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
oh please tell me that you're alright.<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
<br />
(Alright)<br />
Tell me that you're alright.<br />
(hi, everything's great)<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
(hey, everything's fine)<br />
oh please tell me that you're alright.<br />
(hey, everything's great)<br />
yeah everything is alright.<br />
<br />
Hey, everything's fine.<... ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Critically cruel</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8995850/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8995850/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 07 Jun 2006 05:04:54 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ a cut that just too deep. some times we all do things we regret. i regret everything i've ever done. i can't think of one good thing i've done. i wanted to save everyone. but i can't save my self. i am just a door mat. a door stop. some kicks in the door to hold it open and then wipes their feet on. i am sick of everything. i don't want to make my problems someone elses. but i seem to. i need to get over justin... but i keep crawling back. on bloodly knees i crawl back to you. i read something about narracsistic personaility and it fits him. a little to well. a codependent and a narracissist. how great. i don't know maybe i am just looking for labels to rationalize it. because maybe if there is a method behind the madness it can be explained or stopped.... i am sick people hurtting me i am sick of hurtting my self. i sick of waking up and wanting to die. you know sometimes i just want to rot in an institution where i can talk about my feelings all i want. and they won't say i am making it up... some people don't see the way he treats me. and they don't see how i treat my self. i just  wish i had some one to kiss the wounds some one to hold me tight. some times i just wish i was dead. i am so sick of pain. happy ever after doesn't exsist. and i don't even know what a normal relationship feels like or what it would look like. what happiness would be or recovery. i don't know maybe things will be better when dani comes home. shes all i have left in this world. and i am a afriad that i am going to cling too tight in fear of loosing her... what has this situation done to me... i never noticed how scared i am of being alone... until now. i am petrified. i would rather be dead then alone. i am so glad i have danielle.  she really is a sweet heart. BABY I LOVE U! (just incase ur reading this) sometimes i just want to be held with the promise that i would never be let go. i am starving for affection. i really am... an i am ready to admit. i need someone to love me... because my mom doesn't she love her job. justin doesn't he loves using me. dani does and thats about it. but i don't think she wants to take the time to give all the affection i need and deserve... she shouldn' t have too.. its not her responceibilty. but she does help. baby i just want to hold you in your arms. and lay with you in bed and talk like we do... i want to thank you for being there. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>some cuts are just too cruel</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8991075/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8991075/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 06 Jun 2006 16:48:20 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ today i get a call from justin while i was at work. and he asked me if i had a pill bottle near by and i said yes and he asked i i could pee in it for him because if not he would fail his drug test. how fucked up do you get. like he fucking blew me off on sunday his good excuse was an older guy from his work wanted to hang out i told him it doesn't matter he made plans with me. i told him i didn't want to and that i shouldn't have to feel like i should have to... like seriously its his own damn fault hes on probation and hes smoking pot I WAS the one who told him not to.... and he comes to me becuase he does...  GO FIGURE...i am a human being and i have feeling and i told him i was sick of him telling me he was going to do something and then no doing it. and making plans he didn't intend to keep. and then today to day was just fucked up. pretty much it was you have to do this or i go to jail. no one else would. and he put me in a really bad situation and told him i don't like being put there its abusive codependent. and it hurts and not right. and i shouldn't feel like i have to. and of course i ended up doing it... he black mailed me i know he did. kinda if you love me you'll do or ill go to jail and then after he said to call him when i get of work because he came to my work... i called him he asked me to hang out on thursday i told him i don't know because i am sick of making plans and waiting around for him and then him breaking them... i stood up for my self yet gave in.... i am so fucking weak it makes me sick.... how fucking low do you go... i can't go lower from here. i fuckin pissed in a pill bottle for him....  he asked what i was doing tonight. and i said nothing and he asked if i minded if he stopped by i said no he said he would call me at six thirty its now 7:43 i called him three times. i hate. that he black mailed and used me to get what he wants to save his ass. and when he left my work he said give me hug.. i did he said call me later when you get out of work... and i was pretty pissed cuz i couldn't believe what i just did he's like you know your going to call me later. DAMN IT....  WHY CAN'T I GET AWAY.... sometimes it seems theres no way out... ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Pretend promises</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8979780/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8979780/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:36:00 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Broken promises...<br />
<br />
the sweet sound of persausive words and candy coated lies. call her to you and she believes.<br />
 empty promises decite and lies these are her prayers her lullabies...<br />
<br />
so much pain hides inside and yet she still believes broken in all the special places<br />
bleeding at the seams she drowns herself in candy lies as wounds begin to weep.<br />
she surrounds her self with bitter lies and crys her self to sleep...<br />
locked inside a secret hell broken deep insided scarlet misery nothing left but crimson tears death lies her suicide.<br />
<br />
white noise and lies unheard practice what you preach <br />
lies and empty words yet she still believes drown yourself in candy lies and cry yourself to sleep..<br />
broken promises and empty words hide inside the lies drug dreams<br />
 silent prayers suicide lies her lullabies and yet she stills beieves<br />
<br />
`codependency when people play for keeps. <br />
<br />
 well anyway i am so sick of empty promise. lies and bullshit.  because he lies to me makes up something that sounds really good but never goes through with it. rarely he does. i am sick of it. and i sick of people telling me what they think i want to hear. i want to hear. like yeah there is somethings i do want to hear but just don't make promises to me because it sounds good. or you think it will sound good to me. because i am sick of it.   NO MORE PRETEND PROMISES!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>RANTS&gt;</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8814638/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8814638/</guid>
                <pubDate>Fri, 19 May 2006 08:08:18 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ things are rough right now. i am so pissed i my nomination for mocktrial award was revoked. on account of my grades slipping. i hate my life. justin never calls me back even when he says that he will. it pisses me off i want to be with him so much.. we were supose to chill to day i don't think that we are going to get to. because he is always too busy.. or he forgets. i hope like hell he doesn't i accidently made plans for prom night with him and forgot that it was prom. i love him so much and i would probably skip my junior prom to be with him. after spending like two hundred on it already. he told me not to call him a million times and i didn't i called him a nine fifteen he told me to call a bit after nine. and he doesn't answer at the times he tells me to call i hope like hell he has a great excuse. i am tired of being hurt. i hope dani hasn't slipped in to old habits and i hope that justin didn't either. like i hear stories that he is smoking pot agian. i hope that they aren't true. because he can't afford for his probation officer to cathch him doin stupid shit agian. makes me so mad. he is too smart for that he really is. he is the most articualate male i have ever met. most men are dumb as a rock with the vocabulary skills of a four year old. not to mention he isn't a boy. i am tired of boys i want a man. i want him. he came back in to my life. i am not going to let him walk out with out a huge fight. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Update</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8796752/</link>
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                <pubDate>Wed, 17 May 2006 09:49:17 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ well i am going to up date this i haven't done it in a while. i need to  write something well the thing is now i gots two jobs which makes my life busy and then there is the fact that my lap top crashed. like i can't turn it on. if any of you know anything aobut  computers and why there is a reason that they would do that let me know it da help a lot.  any way things are good. so far. justins been to busy for me lately dani is going to come home. soon can't wait. i hate her crack additced boyfriend who calls her an whore. and  cheats on her she should totally dump him and come home to her mommy. i am wondering if she is pregant. she though the was. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Devious Journal Entry</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8638443/</link>
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                <pubDate>Mon, 01 May 2006 06:46:02 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ we lost. to mercy... blah yickers. they won but by only nine points and we put  up a fight for only throwing a team to gether last minute we went up with six they had 24. so yeah. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>WE WON</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8395010/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8395010/</guid>
                <pubDate>Fri, 07 Apr 2006 07:42:26 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ Oh my goodness i am  so pumped right now my defense team and my prosucution team for the connecitut mock trial won or cases we are moving on to the next round hell yes......  i am  so pumped i can't believe that we won holy f!@#ery i am so pumpered. i just want to SCREAM I AM SO PUMPED. I AM THE BEST DAMN DEFENCE ATTORNERY>>>> HELL YES I CAN'T WAIT MERCY HERE WE COME.... lol i am pumped if you competed and lost i am sorry and i wish you luck next year... sorry if i seem insensitive but i thought we lost.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE WON.................. WOOT WHOA HELLS YES... WE WON HOLY MONKEY PANTS>...<br />
<br />
                         THANK YOU JESUS FOR I KNOW YOU WERE WATCHING....  <br />
<br />
but then agian we are going up to a catholic school next.<br />
go figure.... lol not that that has anything to do with it.<br />
its not my fault i have "a keen legal mind" "a vocabulary IQ of 137" i am just a legal mind. striving for justice. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>the reasons ghost haunt.</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8350159/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8350159/</guid>
                <pubDate>Mon, 03 Apr 2006 05:01:39 PDT</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ the ghost of my past has come back and ruined everything i have failed my self and god i smoked two ciggaretes yesterday when i hadn't smoked in two months. and i cut my self yesterday if i hadn't it would have been five months. he hurts me so bad. he basicly said that i was a distraction and that he doens't need any right now that he needs to focus on his job. i love you is eight letter but so i bullshit. HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME... BUT yet he breaks my heart he doesn't know he hurts so much. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>Ghosts that don't die</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8298268/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8298268/</guid>
                <pubDate>Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:03:59 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ have you ever had something from your past that keeps coming back to haunt you? i have this ghost of homosexuality come back. this girl likes me on and off. like its been going on for months. i met her at church we went out for like two days we didn't see each other and then i broke it off cuz to god its not right. and she agreed. and then we didn't talk for a while and she was still "in love with me" and she has these lustful desires and i don't know what to do. she comes to me asking how i can be striaght and asking for help. i try to help her but she is pulling me down it to temptation. and i have to quickly snap myself out of the lustful thoughts that go with it. we don't have a physical relation ship we don't see eachother much. but i know that the lust is there and i want to help her but i don't want to fall.  its so hard. cuz i am doing so well and then she pulls me down  i don't know i guess its easier for some one to pull you down the lattter then pulling some one up it. ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
            </item>
          <item>
                <title>testimony</title>
                <link>http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8233610/</link>
                <guid isPermaLink="true">http://tears-for-christ.deviantart.com/journal/8233610/</guid>
                <pubDate>Wed, 22 Mar 2006 05:18:05 PST</pubDate>
                
                <description><![CDATA[ when i was growing up i went to chruch i was forced. i sat through long boring sermans and doodled the whole time. my mom wasn't really a TRUE believer she believed but only sometimes. in my house i grew up with six kids my three cousins (one is a paralyzed from the waist down) and then there were my two sisters and me. my grandmother who was living with us (my cousins gaurdian) was a pagan, of sorts. that was something i never understood. she praticed spells (some times not often) but she is know for reading Tarot cards palms and tea leaves. when i turned twelve i started to get in to that too. i was a pagan and i was proud. i was made fun and ostracized in school but still i stuck with till i was 15 turning sixteen. my life had bottemed out. i was struggling with homosexuality. and starting to explore other things. i lost my virginity. i was smoking my mom didn't know and still doesn't. i was bottomed out i didn't know what i was living for. i was very depressed and suicidal and i started to cut my self i started when i was in middle school about seventh or eighth grade. my homosexuality struggles started there too. i came out. and i was made fun for that more then anything else i was the ONLY one in my middle school that liked girls besides the guys. and the teasing got so bad the teachers stopped class and made us watch a tolerence video on homosexuality. i was sick of teasing sick of life. and i was broken in pieces. i then meet my friend paul who i worked with.  i hadn't gone to chruch since i was seven. but he invited me. it was a assembly of god church. that was with in walking distance of where i lived. I started to go to youth group. not believing and still struggling. at night me and paul would have long converstaions and he would show me that i accually worth somthing and that he cares. he showed me what it was like to be loved by god.i started to believe. and then i was saved. it was funny how it happend.i was talking online with my youth pastor it was late at night but i became saved. i ACCEPTED JESUS! and paul leaped for joy when he heard. i mended my ways. guys weren't important. and i was done with girls i didn't need to feel physical love because i knew god loved me. i quit smoking. and flirting with knives and thoughts of drugs and suicide i am better then that. i KNEW god had a plan. and i was here for a purpose since then i am trying to help others. that isn't the whole story of my past but something don't need to be mentioned now. i have moved on. i am currently getting ready for a convention coming up i AM SO PUMPED.! and i want to thank paul for helping me find christ. he helped save my life by bringing me to the savior. THANK YOU PAUL FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS AND ALWAYS IN MY HEART THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND!!! ]]></description>
                <author>~tears-for-christ</author>
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