http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:termagen&section=today deviantART RSS for by:termagen en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 30 Nov 2009 08:40:30 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/28109087/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/28109087/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:29:40 PST

We are all doing excellently, baby included, all are well and things couldn't be better

And in 19 days I have my baby shower! Yay! I am so looking forward to it, a nice day with all my friends and family relaxing and eating yummy yummy food!

Today I am frocking up for Melbourne Cup Day at the Races!

Still getting ready, though a bit early I dont have to leave here for another 2 hours, but better early than late

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/25407658/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/25407658/ Sat, 12 Sep 2009 03:22:59 PDT
Just to keep you updated, Drew and I are having a baby

And the due date for our little bundle of joy is... DECEMBER 30th!

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and only have 16 weeks to go!

I officially enter "third trimester" this coming Wednesday!

So far everything has gone smoothly which we are very glad about and very happy and excited about our impending bundle of mess!

In other news we are still house hunting There are some horrible houses out on the market in Perth asking some ridiculous prices! There are also some really nice ones too that we have looked at and applied for, so we will see how it all goes I know the house for us is out there, we just have to find it!

I haven't done much lately in terms of painting because I have been doing other things!
Painting will happen again soon though and tonight I am having fun with oil pastels

Over all the sun is still shining here, and I am sorry I haven't updated you all as much as I would have liked, but you know how it is when you are house hunting and having a baby and antenatal classes and midwife appointments and what not!

Hope all is well, how is every one doing these days and whats new in the past few months?

peace!

------------------------
Hello everyone, if anyone is still here!

News?

Drew and I are having a baby!



We are very happy and excited and all is going well and everyone is supportive and wonderful

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23663701/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23663701/ Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:00:48 PDT
i am still here and still around, it just takes me a little longer to respond to things!

the tv show is keeping me pretty busy too, and studying for my classes and working full time!

im thinking of you all, and want to Amy and Heidi

and also say congrats to my best friend Belinda who just got engaged and is getting married in December! (Im her bridesmaid )

my snail-mail writing is coming along, so please expect letters soon those people who know who you are i am specifically finding time for YOU!



still here

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23551395/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23551395/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:04:44 PST
i am still here, i just have limited internet access because i am still waiting for it to be connected at my house!

the new place is still going wonderfully! i have lived there for a whole month now!

i love cooking, it is nice to eat what i want to

my boyfriend and i celebrated 2 months dating recently too! i cant wait for many more months with him

lifes pretty sweet

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23402014/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/23402014/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:01:19 PST
i am still here!

things with the stalker situation have settled down thankfully, and i feel safe once again

in the past month i have moved out of home! i am now living elsewhere with someone and i am loving it! its cheaper than i thought, too! hooray! :celebrate:

i am trying to keep in touch with everyone, but it is hard because i have not been on dA in so long i wonder if you are all still here with me or have gone elsewhere?

if you feel comfortable, please send me your postal address and i will write you mail! i dont have the internet set up at my new place just yet! but snail-mail is nice, and its fun

should be soon, within a month, then i will have access to emails and internet and dA on a more regular basis!

i am still here, i am still alive and kicking!

lots of good things has happened!

i am now working full time, which means more money, yay!
i am also in love with an incredible guy! we have been going out now for 2 months, and are both very happy :balloons:
i started my tafe course studying applied language in italian! it is so much fun, and i cant wait to go to italy!

i am catching up more with friends too now that life has returned to normalcy!

hope to hear from you all soon

steph

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/22480934/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/22480934/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 01:49:39 PST
online, i mean.

ciao

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8453134/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8453134/ Wed, 12 Apr 2006 22:11:53 PDT i won ~ChAoSmOuSe's
devskin compamazing!!! i never win anything ^_^

[in pre school i won the cake raffle every single week!!! i ate a lot of cake ]

oh and its school holidays as of today onwards, so excited!!! the school issues i was having havent disappeared but at least i dont have to deal with them for teh next two weeks

and also EASTER CAMP!!! is on this coming Monday-Thursday!

which means:

i have to buy new clothes either tonight or on saturday
WHY? you ask?
because: silly i have a very limited wardrobe at the moment and i dont have ANYTHING to wear (that i havent worn 100 times before!!!!!

so yay i get to go shopping!!

ive been a Christian for 11 months today

EDIT:
sometimes people thik they can help. sometimes people think that they know everything about a situation that is absolutely none of their business. Sometimes, there are some people out there who want to help so they can look good in front of everyone else, and not actually care about what the situation is or how helpfull they can be or how they can try and help.
sometimes people walk up to complete strangers and ask if theyre okay, why? its none of their business and its not like the upset person is going to share something that is so personal to them, its such an issue its made them cry so much, and it really isnt any of their business, they have no right to ask or to know. sometimes when someone needs a friend, a stranger wont do. sometimes people need friends, who will whle-heartedly throw their lives into each others who will eb there for them no matter what, who will try to help them through tehir problems, who wont be there just for a short-term fix of "youll be ok im here for you" but then run off 2 minutes later, not there for them.
sometimes we all just need friends.

sometimes i stillk dont knwo what ive done so wrong. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8442416/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8442416/ Tue, 11 Apr 2006 20:04:09 PDT ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8310536/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8310536/ Thu, 30 Mar 2006 02:20:32 PST
On Tuesday I did the LifeGroup message.
There were parts i could have improved on, I think it went well, and I myself learned a lot that night

The matter of being bullied by a large group of year eleven and year twelves at school is getting considerably worse, making my self-esteem feel considerably lowered. The group of boys bullying me is now at around 40 (the same group as of Friday, plus all of their friends). Since Tuesday they have continued to throw insult after insult at me when ever they see me around the school, or in the canteen line, or after school. Its not very nice, it hurts quite a lot, and I feel like I am a jelly-like blob. I'm a very sensitive soul.

My issues of friends is not going anywhere. I am still where I was two weeks ago, not attatched to any group of friends, with nobody talking to me, instead ignoring me, too busy for me.

In anybody else it would probably ave just been straight over their heads, but this is something from ever since I can remember from the earliest memory I have it has been like this with anyone around me, family, school, work places, now at an entirely different high school, its actually WORSE than it was at my other high school.

I still havent found a work placement for Structured WorkPlace Learning, which is putting increased stress on me I guess.

Everything is just building up and I feel liek I can't take it all anymore, I just want to run away, escape into my own world, where I have lots of friends that care about me. I can only dream. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8269640/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8269640/ Sat, 25 Mar 2006 22:13:47 PST
I cried at being abused, because I'd hit my head and it was hurting, for the man who was giving me death threats who was getting mockingly laughed at by the group of boys, because I was being abused for no reason by a group of boys unhappy with how I look.

But regardless of all that bad stuff that happened, I sit back and I realise that it all happened for a reason. It all happened within a period of an hour too. But it all happened because it was meant to happen. It was all a part of God's big plan for me. It was meant to happen within that short amount of time, it was meant to hurt, and it was meant to make me cry. It was meant to make me realize something. It was meant to teach me something.

It made me sit back, and reflect briefly about what had happened, and it made me jump straight back up again, and say "well hold on a minute, why did that happen? what is Jesus trying to help me learn from all this?"

I reflected about the lamp, and how I had been clumsy and careless, and not looking where I was goingt, which almost made the lamp become broken. That was just like life, and how if I'm clumsy and careless, I will go off track, and unless I look to Him, and look to where He is leading me, something will break, to stay on track and to keep reminding myself where I am, and who I'm truly living for.

I reflected about falling and hitting my head. When I fell and hit my head, I jumped up standing up again; There are times in life when I have to fall down before I can get back up again, hit the bottom and go down before I can go up once more, there will be times when I think I am doing something right, but I just have to sit back and look at the situation and try something different I'd previously ignored, I'd have to go backwards before I can truly go forwards.

I reflected about those guys abusing me on the train, and all teh nasty things they said to me. I tried to block them out all together, but I couldn't, I couldn't ignore those insulting things they were saying to me, about how I look, and about me being a Christian. It is written, and Jesus talked often in the New Testament about those against Him, and how we as His followers will suffer much and suffer great, but also that our reward for remaining faithfull to Him and for sticking by Him will be great in Heaven, and that if we acknowledge Him here on Earth, He will acknowledge us before His Father in Heaven. Jesus has got my back. Jesus sticks by me, He doesn't abandon me, He doesn't leave me. And I will stick by Him.
When those guys were teasing me, insult after insult, something was pulling me to them, to have compassion for them, to not just yell something back at them and run away, but to stick up for what I believe in. I thought to myself, man, the people they could influence if they were for God as I was.

I reflected about the man who was giving me death threats with aspergers disease, how he was just trying to fit in with those guys who were teasing me, laughing when they laughed, insulting me when they did, thinking he was their friend. This pulled my heart strings all the way out of my chest. He is loved, and he does fit in. He just doesn't yet realise where. Again I was pulled to have even more compassion for this one man, even though he was giving me death threats and laughing at me to follow the crowd, if only he could follow the right crowd, if only he could realise that he can be great, not just another individual to be mocked and teased, because he is made perfect, as God wanted him to be. It made me want to reach him, to tell him about Jesus, about how he doesn't have to be like those guys just to fit somewhere in society, but I was scared of this man who was threatening my life. I was scared. I had fear, and what I later realised, was that right then, right there, I had let fear dictate my life. What was the worst that could have happened? He throw a few more threats and insults at me? God is my shield, my protector. By letting fear dictate me, I was letting Satan win that small victory over that man. As I have experienced in my 10 months of being a Christian, it doesn't matter so much about numbers, it matters about the souls, it only matters about numbers, because each number represents a soul, but to see one soul saved, just one, thats what makes it all worth it. And then that one soul invites a few friends, and then another one soul is saved. Then there is a chain reaction, and slowly, slowly, but surely, souls are coming to know Jesus and to have a personal relationship with Him.
Missi... ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8222939/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8222939/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 00:45:41 PST
keep left, fill those gaps and glide over them with ease. Or keep right and choose another path to get around the situation.

which will you choose???



requests
request anything of any nature.


no obseneties rudeness anything of that nature is not allowed. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8212937/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/8212937/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 02:19:15 PST Requests.


Heres how it works:
Each week I will say a different form/medium such as paint or photography or poetry etc and you Request something of that medium. example if teh medium is photography, you request (via a note to me)a nature shot of trees, or sunsets or whatever would fit into that catergory. Any Questions?
Obviously there are guidelines on this, nothing rude or obscene either.
And I will

Okay so Request Week One
For the first Request Week, I will be doing any form of medium as a kind of "lets get this thing started" kind of thing.

I need requests by Wednesday.

Goodluck and Happy Thinking! Request Away! ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7852425/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7852425/ Fri, 10 Feb 2006 02:27:09 PST "o its ok steph, Kristen and i wouldnt ignore you, and we still care about you"

feeling apathetic about this situation. This angsty rant will help.

i am no longer going to Michael's ball (Greenwood SHS). Last night I made the choice. New grounds for making this decision were as follows.
Michael and Kristen are the only two people I know at Greenwood SHS.
Michael and Kristen are EXTREMELY fond of each other.
They are going out.
I was going with Michael to the ball.
At the ball, Michael and I were going to meet up with Kristen.
Kristen and Michael are going out, and would therefore be spending a lot of time (especially at their ball) together.
They're the only two people I know at Greenwood SHS.
I wouldn't know anybody else.
Michael and Kristen would be off doingtheir own thing.
I would be left sitting awkwardly at some table alone with nobody to talk to.
This would make me angry and I would only end up yelling at Michael for even inviting me in the first place when he wanted to spend every dancing second with Kristen and for leaving me there alone surrounded by hundreds I dont know.
I would probably have a little traumatic tantrum and end up leaving extremely early. Actually I know I would.
Then? I would not talk to Michael for a long time, nor Kristen.

So what did we just learn?
2 is company. 3's a crowd.
Steph's an angsty teenager who doesn't like to be ignored.

So I let him know that I wouldn't be attending the ball. Allowing him and Kristen to go together and enjoy their time alone together without having to keep me constantly occupied for fear of boredom and traumatic tantrum.

Gosh I'm so immature.
But i mean geez, I get ignored enough as it is at home.
And I definately would'nt like to be ignored by my friend who invited me there in the first place. What would be the point of even inviting me?

"it wouldnt be like that if you went", but I know that it would be.
"how do you know, you havent even gone yet", i have been in that situation of being completely ignored by two friends who are dating before and it isnt nice. especially in a foreign situation where i am surrounded by people i have never met before in my life. Who are all happy and having fun with each other.
Then there would be me. Just sitting there. All angsty alone.

Im not an attention seaker or anything, I just really dont liek being ignored. All my life, ive always been told "shut up" or something along those lines. I was rejected at such a young age from my family.

6 years old-id try hold onto my mothers hand-she would pull it away. Thus starts the constant attempt to please her. Nothing I have ever done has ever pleased her. 8 years old. Washing dishes to help her, earn some "well done steph" or something. it never happened. School-tried my best in all that I ever did to achieve great grades, was top of all my classes in Primary School and at Gosnells SHS with awards to match. It was always dad who attempted a sign of affection with a "well done steph" never my mother. And thats how the whole problem with me and ignorance sprouted roots and grew.

Even at Primary School, I waS never a popular kid, being the one all the others picked on was never fun.

And as i grew up, and I realized that its all just a twisted part of life most people do go through-being picked on, bullied, ignored, teased.

And when I look back on the last two days, with the Greenwood SHS Ball and everything. I guess I stopped an incident from happening (dont know if thats correct terminology but due to apathetic thoughts about Ball i have decided to not care in order to maintain a sense of self dignity about this whole situation.)

Still angry.

Im such an angsty teenager right now.
I mean Gosh. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7579834/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7579834/ Thu, 12 Jan 2006 03:41:20 PST
on and off i get a pain in my head.

it comes, lasts between 3 and 20 seconds, (varies), then goes.

this happens about nine times a month, roughly, varying days, it sometimes happens 4 times in one day, then nothing for a week, then once, then nothing for a few more weeks. it sometimes happens twice a day and three times a day for several days straight.

it has been happening rather frequently lately, and now i am worried.

teh other day i went to see a doctor, i am scared of doctors, so i made my mum go in with me, i was desperately in need for help, and the doctor gave me nothing but a feeling of stupidity.

i described the pain to the doctor. he asked bare minimum questions, told me ive propably got a pinched nerve in my head, or a muscle twitch. he told me to go hoem and come back in three weeks if it gets worse. i had gone to him in the first place, because it has gotten to teh point of not being able to cope anymore with it. and teh doctor said he doesnt know what it is, so he cant do anything about it. i asked about a scan, an mri, he told me that teh most he would do is an xray, and even then, that would not show up if there is anything wrong in my head, but apparantly it "would bring me peace of mind". how would something showing me nothing when there could be something that wouldnt be shown bring me peace of mind. i walked out feeling absolutely liek an idiot, i felt so stupid, like i shouldnt have wasted the doctors time, my mums time, (id begged her to come), or my own time. he sent me away to come back if it gets worse. it was worse. after a year and a half id finally gone to teh doctors, and what was my worst fear, that theyd just send me away, happened.

i know what a muscle twitch feels like and it isnt that, nor a pinched nerve.

this is a pain that when it comes, it brings so much pain i get tears in my eyes, unable to bear it. then it goes.

often i get a warm feeling afterwards in that spot where the pain was.

i havent got a clue what it is.

my mum has a Cholesterole Granuloma in her brain, it isnt hereditary, they say it isnt. it is a lump of fatty tissue that causes her severe headaches. my family has cancer in the gene line also. so thats why i made her come with me, maybe i have something hereditary somehow, dont know what though.

nobody knows what it is.

where it is?
every time i get this pain, i can pin point the exact location of the pain, the exact spot, even if i havent had it in a few months. i drew a spot on my head where the pain was the other week. every time i had the pain, i drew a dot and wrote the time down on a piece of paper. it happened four times that day. in teh exact location, every single time.

where is the pain?
back right upper quarter.
above and behind my right ear.
stretch your forefinger and thumb as far as you can and then place your thumb on teh bottom of your right ear lobe.
then place teh forefinger as far up as you can go on top of your head , kinda inbetween teh middle and the right side of your head. thats where it is.

if anybody has had similar pain, knows of anybody who has had similar pain, knows anything about neurology, or brains, or anybody who can generally help out any way, can you PLEASE let me know. It will be very muchly appreciated.

God bless and Good night,
Stephanie.


p.s sorry for all the spelling errors ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7549405/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7549405/ Sun, 08 Jan 2006 22:13:09 PST check-out chick! very excited note to self: always take a water bottle for else is death by dehydration

o0o yesterday: fun times, Gemma's birthday party, picnic, chased ducks wearing no shoes, stepped in something mushy feeling and smelly and disgusting left behind by a duck.. seriously, i didnt know that such a small creature as a duck can deposit something so HUGE! and bad-smelling And ice-cube fight, ending in Heather throwing an ice cube at my nose, it almost smashing my glasses, and cutting deeply across my nose. Ah teh pain! I feel like I have an italian nose! (no offenct to anybody italian, i have cousins who are italian, and she has a massive hook-nose! like, she could snort up an entire Christmas turkey or something! ) It was fun though Also climbing trees, and getting stuck, and having to be rescued by the amazing =phalacee <3 then sliding down massively steep hills in cardboard boxes, feeling like Superman flying through the air... But i was Superstephy, sliding down the hill on a cardboard box.

Accidents?
I am prone to them. Jason and I went with my family to a friends BBQ, and it was a roasty toasty day, really boiling hot stinking hot weather, and Jason and I went home to my house to get the fan. Its a huge massive industrial sized fan, i stretch my arms and the fan is that big. anyways., Jason was doing something and so i decided to lower the height of the fan, so he wouldnt have to, to save time. Anyways, i didnt count on the fans great gravitational pull, and when i turned the knobbly bit to lower the fan slowly, it started making a rushing noise., curiosity, i looked up to see what was going on, and i saw the fan alright, it came speeding down and the bottom of the fan hit me on the head! I still have a massively huge lump on the top of my forehead

THEN?
Later, but before dindins was served, Jason and I were just sitting down talking on teeny tiny fold-out chairs, when ALL OF A SUDDEN!!! my chair collapsed from out underneath me, making me fall hard on my butt on the ground Ah the pain!

Last night we (young adults) went to teh beach, very pretty sunset, my camera was flat though i drew the beach though, still needs muchos perfecting, but its a rough thing to draw!

Jason and I collected pretty shells And later when i got home i found my pretty shell collection, and my ultra uber rare shell collection too i thought it was lost forever!

I had an idea this morning also, for a new possible short feature i can make, so im excited about transcribing that

Anyways, have fun stay safe Stephy ranting out ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7549193/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7549193/ Sun, 08 Jan 2006 21:38:50 PST ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7521562/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7521562/ Thu, 05 Jan 2006 21:02:10 PST Romans 12:8
if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Luke 6:35
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

2 Corinthians 7:13-15
By all this we are encouraged.
In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you. 14I had boasted to him about you, and you have not embarrassed me. But just as everything we said to you was true, so our boasting about you to Titus has proved to be true as well. 15And his affection for you is all the greater when he remembers that you were all obedient, receiving him with fear and trembling.

God bless
]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7512648/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7512648/ Wed, 04 Jan 2006 21:40:32 PST
-------

"Toute Écriture est inspirée de Dieu, et utile pour enseigner, pour convaincre, pour corriger, pour instruire dans la justice, afin que l'homme de Dieu soit accompli et propre à toute bonne oeuvre. "
2 Tim. 3:16-17 ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7474360/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7474360/ Sun, 01 Jan 2006 02:11:18 PST here on my page you will find quite a lot of good quality photos considering i just recieved an awesoem new digital camera for christmas, as well as a lot of au natural landscape photography, as some have seen already.
to your left you can visit my 2-0-0-5 gallery, by clicking on the gallery link above, and below that is a giant jumble of favourites i am yet to sort through.
remember to enjoy your visit and feel free to note or email me at any time ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7426323/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7426323/ Mon, 26 Dec 2005 20:57:59 PST
today we cuddle among the candle lights and pillow fights in the tummy of a sleeping giant

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7419306/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7419306/ Mon, 26 Dec 2005 20:53:31 PST
i got a new digital camera for christmas
and a new phone, etc other stuff..
expect loads of pictures!

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7416035/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7416035/ Sun, 25 Dec 2005 17:45:36 PST
Mood: im super

*thinks*
*misses*
*hm*
*yes*

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7369336/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7369336/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 02:07:04 PST ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7369256/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7369256/ Wed, 21 Dec 2005 01:42:09 PST we're going somewhere
we're onto something good here
out of mind, out of state
trying to keep my head on straight
i think we're going somewhere
we're onto something good here
there is only one thing left to do
drop all i have and go with you
somewhere back there i left my worries all behind
my problems fell out of the back of my mind
we're going and i'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going
to go back where i was will just be wrong
i'm pressing on
pressing on, all my distress is going going gone (pressing on, pressing on)
and i won't sit back and take this anymore
cause i'm done with that
i've got one foot out the door
and to go back would just be wrong
i'm pressing on
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
out of mind out of state
trying to keep my head on straight
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
adversity, we get around it
searched for joy, in you i found it
you look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all
you smile and laugh, and i feel the loveyou have for me
i think we're going somewhere
we're on to something good here
and we're gonna make it after all. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7304558/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7304558/ Tue, 13 Dec 2005 19:42:25 PST nine-also spelt NAIN and ponouncdeed the same as nine
eight-is not a prime number, but can be divided twice
seven-days in a week
six-grams of fat or less in subway subs, but just how much sugar is unknown
five-people in the world who can put all the pieces together in the puzzle
four-hours sleep i got last night
three-hairdressers i rang before i finally got an appointment
two- brothers
one- God ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7260191/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7260191/ Thu, 08 Dec 2005 21:40:43 PST
Lately i have had a problem with food, same problem i had a while ago. I dont like the smell of it, or the feel of it. I have developed a strong dislike for food.

Another problem is that i feel i am drifting away from everybody, mainly friends.
I dont talk to anyone from Maccas anymore, apart Chloe every now and again. I dont talk to anybody from Gozzie anymore, apart from Lauren every so often. Nobody from school has contacted me. I have emailed and messaged with no replys. I no longer have a "group" as such anymore either at school. I, partially through own doing, and own choice, wader like the lone ranger. But i sit down and wander what a friend is, and what defines a friend.. And i start thnking ... and i dont know the answer. So i sit and ponder once more. I dont talk to any of teh Balcatta people anymore, hardly ever too. I guess everybody has their own lives to deal with now. Perhaps their schedule is too busy to fit in a phone call or an email, or a sms.

"Well catch up soon"
"Ill call you"
"Okay bye"
"bye.."

and the phone lies dead. covered in an inch of dust. the mail box has seen 3 decades of spiders. the grass has long grown and died thrice over. i shouldnt be posting any of this on here. i guess...

i guess im just feeling abandoned by all my friends, like there is a party and everybody is invited except me, and its a conspiracy to keep it all hush hush so i dont find out about it. thats just teh way im feeling,. silly i know.

I have awesome friends. at church, and youthgroup, and basketball people.... only a few at school.. i have an amazing boyfriend... i love you so much

people just have their little "clicky" groups... and they choose not to let me in, liek im some joke they can all poke and laugh at...no matter what my attempts are...

there are "friends" (people you say hi to that dont even know your name-brief acquaintances, people who choose to associate with you as a benefit for them)
then real friends.. ones you can rely on, who encourage you and support you and do their best to help you even if it doesnt necessarily help themselves...

im sorry.
have a good day everybody. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7209438/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7209438/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 05:31:16 PST you might have seen pictures of the sunset from teh boat.
we went on a paddle steamer. it was rather quaint.
as i am afraid of open water, this was a rather big thing for me. i dont think im that bad being on water... i just dont want to EVER be in the open water...
and another fear is stairs. my legs shake as i go up or down stairs. i get dizzy. escalators are the worst. they go up so high!
on th epaddle steamer, the stairs were on the outside. you walked out of teh function room, onto the stairs straight away. the stairs were on the outside of the boat. between boat and openness/2 decks above open water. it was so scary!
bt you know, i think i can go on boats, just as long as i dont get wet from the water, or dont go in the water, or fall in especially.

the weather was okay. i got some beautiful photos of teh sunset. i havent had time to upload all of them, but again, swan sunset 1 2 3 &4 and sunset decoy 5 are in my gallery.

overall a fun, but cold night. im glad i tok a jacket. i felt like kate winslet (in a pretty dress, freezing cold, with a long black jacket on) standing on teh top deck at the front of teh boat...

(i didnt fallin, and my boat didnt sink, and my Leo wasnt allowed to go as it was a school function for year 11s only..gr school policys><

--------------------------

tis teh season to be jolly, so smile more

au revoir!


ps: typo majorly because of fake nails ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7209411/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7209411/ Sat, 03 Dec 2005 05:22:47 PST
our past is meaningless. it created us. but all things are meaningless without God.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WWJD?

------------------------

Lately i have been pondering quite a few thoughts over teh recent events in my life, and events that happened a multitude of months ago. recent events. past events. reflecting upon my life to date. where i was. where i am. where im going. who i am going there with. who i am going there for.
I am so glad i have found someone to run my race with. <3
When i was slowing my pace a little, you were there dangling chocolate in front of me, urging me forwards. When i was blind and runing off teh side of the path, you were there to tie my wrist to your middle so i didnt wander off track.
i am running my race with you. our race.
thankyou.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7164048/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7164048/ Mon, 28 Nov 2005 03:37:57 PST I only saw with my eyes what they wanted to see
And everything around me seemed to never change
Looking for an easy way out, someone to blame
Why does it work this way, still today?
You wanna take somebody down along the way?
But I won't let that one be me,
'cause I don't want the drama it brings
See, today isn't "back in the day" anymore
I know a little more than I did before
So, don't forget before you try bringing me down
What goes around always comes back around
You can’t bring me down
Do you hear what I'm trying to say?
You can’t bring me down
I'll never turn the other way
You can’t bring me down
What is it you’re trying to say?
You can’t bring me down
It's not like I'm running away
So, you think you can see inside my mind?
You probably could if you just took a little time
I know exactly what you’re trying to say
But sitting in the stands ain't the same as playing the game
So, I can't comprehend in my mind
Just why we can't leave it all behind
So, come on and stand beside, and hold the line
'Cause tonight is the night we cry
Why can’t we feel what it takes for us to be real?
Why can’t we see what it takes for us to believe?
Why do we say all of these things that bring us down?


what is bad in life?
nothing is bad in life, just the way we choose to look at things in a negative manner, just the way we judge actions based on consequence there is no such thing as a bad person, just wrong choices. everybody has a decision in life and they can make that decision at anytime they so want to its up to them, nobody else, to make their choices.

nothing is bad in life.
sure my grades might be a little off like rotten eggs, but thats not the end of the world.
sure, disagreements happen, but we are all just human, every one of us makes bad decisions and bad choices. sometimes we needsomeone to be upset with us before we realize what theyre upset about, so we can change, adapt, grow. disagreements are seeing one thing from two different sides. perhaps we should all stop to look around , to see the other angle, theother perception, the other viewpoint. and through that we can all change adapt and grow.

what do we percieve as bad in life? someone stealing a loaf of bread? sure, stealing is bad. but what if its to feed a starving family of 6 that hasnt eaten in 3 days. is it still so bad? and what happens after theyve got that loaf of bread, and eaten it all up. do they steal again from the same place? or from somewhere different? again, does it make it just as bad if it is for the starvingsingular person who hasnt eaten in 3 days and is feeding himself, afterall he probably wont eat again for another 3 or 4 days, possibly shorter length of time, possibly longer.

this is my opinion: nothing is bad in life. just the way we choose to look upon an action that has occured.

people who are terminally ill are loving the life theyve been given. they have friends, family, God, free thinking, a smile on their face. Others may pity this person.
why? they know theyre terminally ill.
but Lifes too short to stop and hate it because they havent got as much time as they want, or coz they didnt get the last cabanosi at the deli.
its about making the most out of the time you have been given.
people who are starving to death will still be happy. why? others will pity this person, knowing they are helpless in this situation. we are only so helpless as we make ourselves. but this person still has themselves, God, a smile on their face, free thought. Nobody can take them away.

Stop and think what makes you happy.
when bad things happen, accept it and grow through it, and maybe those things arent so bad afterall.
what is good in life? God is, freedom of thought, nobody can get inside your head unless you let them.
Smile and be happy and others around you will be happy and smile also.
Be miserable and others will be miserable also.
Its true, smiling is contageous.

When you stand in line at the checkout andits your turn to get served, stop and chat. Sure you might not know them, or anything about them. But you will have brightened their day. Think, on average a checkout chick (or guy) might serve 300 customers in a 4 hour shift, how many stop to ask them how their day has been? How many times will they have said "here is your change have a nice day" automatically? but if you stop and thank them for the blessing of them using their very breath to wish you a nice day, it will definately brighten theirs. lifes great. people just have to stop and realize it. appreciate that friendly bus driver. appreciate having air to b... ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7154905/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7154905/ Sun, 27 Nov 2005 03:31:54 PST ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7119087/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7119087/ Tue, 22 Nov 2005 23:13:55 PST
ITS ONLY ONE MONTH (AND TWO DAYS ) UNTIL

CHRISTMAS!!!!

So if anybody would like to recieve a christmas card from me, please note me and ask, along with your mailing details

Termagen ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7117250/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7117250/ Tue, 22 Nov 2005 18:40:59 PST
10 things that make me happy:
1-cuddles
2-chocolate
3-compliments
4-learning new things
5-knowing ive made someone else happy or brightened their day
6-friends
7-revelations
8-sleep
9-pasta
10-(i saved the best for last) my wonderfull boyfriend, Jason

okay, and now to pass it on, i tag teh following people, who ar probably tired of tag games,m but eh, okay here we go:

~derek-of-spades whom i haven't seen in a long time
~rain-siren because you and Belinda are friends once more,
~urpersonal666 because you need to remember happy things
*dualdesigns because you are so cheery all the time
~princessbubblez because your ditsyness rubs of onto others, inc me sometimes
=phalacee because i love you ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7093883/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7093883/ Sun, 20 Nov 2005 04:42:20 PST
i have been extremely happy =>

ah happy times^_^

]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7067577/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7067577/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 20:30:53 PST
here we go again

1) I liek political statements

2) I argue

3) I get worked up over simple things that i shouldnt

4) I used to have a blog on blogspot.com, but I abandoned it due to Unwanted Harrasment from one sick twisted individual and a bunch of sick psychopathic minds

5) I cry a lot

6) I have been through a lot, especially over the last few days

7) I admire a lot of people and try to shape myself to an aspect i admire

8) I have days where I don't wear any makeup, or put on any shoes, and I go
out liek that.

9) I sometimes just don't want to be me anymore

10) The friend I have known the longest out of everyone I know is Liam, 9
years now. (10 next year )

11) My mum locks the phone so I can't use it, but she lets my older brother and everybody else in my house use it

12) My house has acted as a refuge for 3 of my cousins

13) I once recieved a train fine for not having a valid multirider from Officer Curt. On the infringement notice, it looked suspiciously like Officer something that-I-shall-not-repeat

14) I have a problem physically holding onto money, but I have gotten so much better at it than what I used to be, I am training myself.

15) I have had the same 1 goldfish for 9 years. It has been through yabbies, marin, tank water that you cant even find the fish in, a lobster, and heaps of pther fish, and this one fish has survived through everything. (I renamed it SUPERFISHY)

16) I forgive my brother

17) I liek all food, apart from egg and curry, although i like curried egg... not sure how that works...

18) I almost never eat seafood unless on special occassions

19) The thing that would really make my pie is if my mum was saved.

20) I like to wear black because it is a colour I feel comfortable in, and it doesnt get dirty easily.

There we go. once more, 20 things about me for your enjoyment. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7066779/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/7066779/ Wed, 16 Nov 2005 18:52:11 PST When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
They wont stop 'til they've reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photoshoped pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

I guess things are not how they used to be
There's no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it's world war III

No one cares, no one's there
I guess we're all just too damn busy
Money's our first priority
It doesn't make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on?
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong

is everybody going crazy?
is everybody going crazy?

Tell me what's wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV's
While kids are starving in the streets
No one cares
No one likes to share
I guess life's unfair

Is everybody going crazy?
Is anybody gonna save me?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something
something is wrong

Is everybody going Crazy?
Can anybody tell me what's going on
Tell me what's going on
If you open your eyes
You'll see that something is wrong ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6994949/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6994949/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 21:08:20 PST should i restart my blog all over again, deleting all posts and comments and changing address of blog?

x17x was a name that i become accustomed to for a while, but i think perhaps it is time to reinvent my blog

that also means new name
---------------------------------------------

in other news:
only 2 more days of school left

i dont look forward to next session, i have drama >< performance ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6987782/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6987782/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 06:25:18 PST thursday
friday
1/2 day next friday exam
1/2 day thursday after assembly

the last of my days at kelmscott senior high school

and whilst it will be sad to leave some,
i will gladly be leaving others behind
those who drag me down
those who dont support me and my faith, even though they call themselves "friend"s of mine
those who disencourage me

because i am me
if people have a problem with tha
then they shoudl gety over it
but i wont apologize for being myself
i definately will not apologize for standing up for my faith
something i believe in so strongly with all my heart
those friends should be encouraging me
not trying to drag me down.
i would die for my faith


in other news
my friend seems to be doing okay

today at school i saw 3 of my friends cutting. it went liek this:
they were sitting down when suddenly A:im bored
B:me too
C pulls out sharp object and starts carving away ><
A and B soon follow
me siting there in disbeliefe jumps up :what on earth are you doing????
they look at me sheepishly :what?
me: stop it!
they continue
i slap the hand of teh closest one
:what?
me: i am so angry at you right now, people cut for reasns suchas depression, and depression is not a fashion statement its a mnedical condition you stupid idiots
(storm off to art)

decide to paint fantasy art final studio piece an entirely new picture
had an entirely new canvas
did quite a good picture, portraying my anger and srrow ta my friends imaturity and acts of stupidness, so angry, DEPRESSION IS NOT A FASHION its a medical condition not to be taken lightly. people get "depressed" over teh littlest things, liek not having nutella and getting peanut butter, or not getting that gy/girl they want, or not getting an A, instead getting a B, when their problems are so minor compared to people with 2 months to live, or a large brain tumor, or a quadraplegic person, or someone who has just gne blind after 23 years of eye sight, or someone becoming a vegetable. they might have a reason to be depressed. not getting your own way, and then saying your "depressed" is just liek saying "i cant get my own way so i need everybodies attention so i can bitch and rant to nobody whos listenin".

painted another picture todau. parents were worried that i was painting again, i havent painted in a while as a form of expression, nor have i wrotten anything so they were worried. they should be happy i am expressing my feelings in a way that is not dangerous, that is moulding my creatve abilitys, that sort of thing.

i took camera to schol teh other day
got some interestng shots

anywho

goodnight!! ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6959260/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6959260/ Sat, 05 Nov 2005 04:01:31 PST i need advice ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6938509/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6938509/ Wed, 02 Nov 2005 18:19:13 PST

F i r s t s

First car: smething to get me from A to B
First kiss: Was only last year
First funeral: 8 yrs old, friend
First pets: Dog Bazil
First piercing/tattoo: ears pierced when i was 11 months old
First credit card: dont want one ><
First enemy: i love people

l a s t s

Last cigarette: never
Last car ride: last night
Last kiss: Jason
Last good cry: "good"? hm..
Last movie seen: Moulin Rouge
Last beverage drank: Apple Juice-half a bottle before bed^_^
Last food consumed: Chocolate for breakfast today^_^
Last crush: Jason
Last phone call: Jason
Last time showered: This morning
Last item bought: ??
Last annoyance: Mother berating me to get up ><
Last time wanting to die: A long time ago, i never want to go back there

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

Where is your favorite place to shop: I dont have a favourite^_^
Any tattoos or piercings: 7piercings in my ears, 3 in each lobe, one at the top of my left ear
What are you most scared of: Dark, Open Water, Heights
What are you listening to right now: Kelly Clarkson
Where do you want to get married: I dont know (*cough*Araluen looks pretty *cough* )
How many buddies are online right now: no buddies i can call buddies
What would you change about yourself: Nothing at all (But the usual- Socks, underwear, clothes, etc )


h a v e | y o u | e v e r

Given anyone a bath: No
Smoked: No
Bungee jumped: No
Made yourself throw up: Yes
Ever been in love: Yes, I am, Jason
Seen your crush naked:
Had sex in a pool/jacuzzi or any other sexual act: no
Fallen for your best friend: No. He was a close friend.
Been rejected: Yes
Rejected someone: Yes
Done something you regret: Yes

c u r r e n t

Clothes: pants
Music: guitar
Scent: strawberry
Desktop picture: star wars XD
DVD in player: Invader Zim

l a s t | p e r s o n

You touched: Jason
Hugged: Jason
You IMed: Msn'd? Bradly
You kissed: Jason

a r e | y o u

Understanding: Yes
Open-minded: Yes
Arrogant: i try not to be..
Insecure: not so much
Interesting: id like to think so
Hungry: yes
Moody: i am not moody!
Hardworking: if my heart is in my work, i will work hard to finish it
Organized: creativly
Healthy: i try to be
Shy: a tiny bit
Attractive: i dont think ^_^
Bored Easily: no way! i can have a hour long conversation with my self before i get bored!
Angry: no i just cry
Sad: no im just upset
Happy: of course
Hyper: yay
Trusting: definately
Talkative: hehehehe yes

w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a

Kill: nobody!!!!! nothing cant be solved over a cup of hot chocolate and a marshmallow in squishy armchairs by warm cozy log fires on cold winters days
Slap: (see above)
Look like: me wow i got that one already^_^
Talk to offline: Jason again

r a n d o m

In the morning I a... ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6903011/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6903011/ Sun, 30 Oct 2005 02:28:41 PST )

ok, this is the one from my very extremely old crippled fossilized, deceased blog.
Just copy and replace the " ________" with what you think of me, or about me, etc.
then copy it and paste it on your journal, and ill come and fill it in for you^_^
(its great for compliments and self-esteem/ego boosts )

*drum roll please* tah daH!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i______steph
steph is________
steph thinks a lot about________
when i think of steph, i think of__________
i want steph to_________me
if i were alone in a room with steph, i would_________________
i think steph should_____________
steph needs_________
i want to ___________steph
steph can be described in 1 word as________________
steph will never__________
steph can____________my_______________
i hope steph never_______________
steph should change__________________
steph is going to be ________________ when she grows up
_____________is going to marry steph
steph deserves______________ because___________________
i give steph_________________


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


okay, in other news...
i got a job
thanks goes to Gemma who managed to convince her boss i am a good person to employ^_^
i now work at SPOTLIGHT in cannington

i only have a tiny bit of school left
a week, then exam break -i have 2 exams i think, both on the same day-, then only a few days of school.
Then i am done for the yeah,
and for my secondary education at high school.
Next year i am on to TAFE.

Today the weather has been good, nice and rainy and cold
its meant to be spring... it feels like winter still though...
crazy climatic shifts...
but we as humans can adapt to change our surroundings and environment.
its definately a blanket-in-front-of-fire night tonight
cant wait^_^ ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6879645/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6879645/ Thu, 27 Oct 2005 06:19:51 PDT splucy


1.YOUR STAR NAME
(name of first pet + street you live on):

Bazil Jupiter

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack)

Coral Cookie

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant)

Mame Level 9

4. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME
(silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied):

Stephasaurus Merredin

5. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first initial + first three letters of your last name)

S Jew

6. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal + name of high school):

Bear Gozzi

7. YOUR BARFLY NAME
(last snack food you ate + your favorite drink)

LeSnack Water

8. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
( midle name+ city where you were born):

Marie Merredin

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME
(favorite candy + favorite musician's last name):

Campino Corgan

10. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use):

Stephen Vodafone

11. YOUR STAR WARS NAME
(first 3 letters of your last name + last 3 letters of mother's maiden name)

Jewwoo


hehehe yay for teh starwars name part
]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6869993/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6869993/ Wed, 26 Oct 2005 02:55:18 PDT phalacee
i now tag these funky people:
Belinda-~derek-of-spades
Jess-~rain-siren
Alex-~EvilDead-69
Bradley-~vamp888
Liam-~hellinacell
Dani-~evilkitty182

okay, here itgoes...

1) i have nocturphobia, which is a fear of darkness. it terrifies me, and i sleep with a night light on no matter what.

2) i also have a fear of open water such as beaches, oceans, lakes, ponds, and rivers. i get anxious going over water, too, such as walking across bridges, or travelling over bridges in trains or by car. open water terrifies me.

3) I have a lazy eye, my left eye, and when i am focusing or concentrating, or looking straight ahead, my right eye will be looking straight, and my left eye wanders away and rolls outwards, almost as if it is bored with staring and wants to look at something else.

4) I don't like showing my legs, at all. I wear stockings whenever i am wearing a skirt, and knee high socks. It is only the selected few that have ever seen my legs, let alone my feet. I just don't like showing skin/flesh.

5) My hair is lopsided, it used to be a long time ago, it used to be shorter on the left side, but now i recut it, and it is shorter on the right side, going around on an angle at the back, and then its about an inch longer on the left

6) I liek to try new things, especially new and interesting foods

7) I like to bake, especially cakes, and all things sweet

8) I really like chocolate, and coffee

9) I like to decorate things with pretty, sparkly, shiney things, such as glitter and gold stars, and little red hearts ^_^

10) I have cowboy boots

11) I am scared of heights, whenever i am up somewhere high, such as walking up stairs, or going up an esculator, i get really freaked out. I dislike balconies, i especially am petrified of anything without a guard rail because sometimes i dont know why but i get a weird urge to jump off. its scary.

12) I liek to feel pretty

13) I'm a girly girl, i like to wear pretty clothes with frilly bits, i get scared in scary movies, i wear make up, and spend a long time on my appearance each morning, and if i am going out somewhere.

14) I gave up on school half way through this year and don't really try any more

15) I want to be: Writer, Director, Producer, Independant Film Maker, Runner, Journalist, working somewhere in the media world

16) I just completed work exp. at a film production company who said they would love to have me go back there one day soon

17) Seventeen is my favourite number in the entire world

18) I love Jason so much. Yesterday was our 1 month anniversary and i baked him a cake and cut into teh shape of a love heart and put pink icing on it and wrote "i love you" in little shiney edible silver things When words are not enough,... make a cake^_^ I love you Jason

19) Level 9 is my favourite place, and if i ever created anything such as coffee bar, eatout, or restaurant, i would call it Level 9

20) When i get excited or really upset or nervous or anxious or scared i talk REALLY fast. in year 7 and year 8 and half of year 9, nobody could understand me wheni spoke to them at all.


And so ends teh taggingess^_^
Now fellow tagged people whom i have taged, pass on teh taggy ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6753499/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6753499/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 00:06:46 PDT it was a fun day of doing a few assignments, and full of meeting new and intersting people
(it just didnt feel right being back at school on a monday whereas i wodl normally be at work exerience.)
besides, i am sick once more><
full of antibiotics
with instructions :shakefish:
not entirely sick, more of a kind of precaution, so i dont get sick

i need to take more photos,
i havent taken any for a while..
i need to^_^

i need a lot of things^_^

today is 5 months^_^
5 months, thethirteenth, 5 months
5 montsh ago i made the greatest decision i could ever make
to follow God



where my heart is
]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6683963/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6683963/ Wed, 05 Oct 2005 05:01:24 PDT
i am sick
i am really sick
really really sick
it sucks being sick

but on a happier note, i am writing again
script is going most excellently
writing random randomness and rantage again
tis great


feeling ill, but lifes pretty peachy
tis most excellent
adios
steph
who has been writing since 1989 ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6637141/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6637141/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 18:59:06 PDT

I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!

and ist such a nice day outside, its all cloudy and grey like, and i really hope it rains so i can go dancing in the rain^^

i cant write any more of my script at the moment. i just dont want to write

although come tomorrow/the weekend and im sure ill want to write again.

lack of motivation?? in need of break?? holiday??
that would be nice, 3 weeks away from everything, just me, pen, paper, script, snow, log fire...

on a happier note, i have been eating^^ *glitter and sparkly lights*
when i am forced to eat, i really dont feel liek eating and i feel sick afterwards
but when i eat on my own accord on account of my starvingstomach starts making really bad noises and i end up crippled in pain, then i find i am eating littel things, but a lot of them which fills me up


i havent written anything lately, in the way of poetry or any of that, which is sorta unusual for me, i used to write a lot, but i guess times change^^ as does heart/feelings/etc etc etc.

must-write-more-script
must-write-more-script
must-write-letter-aswell-as-script

nywho cheerio
<3 steph ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6611713/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6611713/ Mon, 26 Sep 2005 20:21:53 PDT

in other news:
i am interested in working to help people and in media, perhaps both

in older news:
my head still hurts.

its amazing that whenever one reads their bible, theyfind out something new and interesting, that somehow relates to their life.
Ezekiel 20:18-19 relates to mine.
But i have made my choice to follow God. ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6602565/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6602565/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 20:28:56 PDT
im a little mixed up in the show department, but im me and im meant tobe
have discovered grandmother to be more crazy than i initially thought she was, as is grandfather, and mother.
gah, craziness runs in horrid family

i trust in youto take my pain away
My God will Save Me
from everything i do ti myself now
My God will Protect Me
Through the night ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6586117/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6586117/ Fri, 23 Sep 2005 23:16:25 PDT
if eagles wins, my mum is giving me money to buy cowboy bootsXD im so excited!
i dislike football, but ive wanted to get cowboy boots for AGES!!! and i would sell my kidney one Ebay to get some^_^

Case of Violently Shaking Leg is going easy, not shaking at least. I think its a causure of worry and stress and anxiety overall.
But things are going good.
As is said,
"the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"
-reliant k
and i have been good, then bad, but i am so much better for it, ive learned a lot about myself through my hardtimes

School holidays now, meaning i am going to work liek crazy on my script, and i have 2 weeks to work on it

anywho, everybody-have an awesome weekend, and i shall see you all at various times
]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6569214/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6569214/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:27:10 PDT "i want you to want me
i need you to need me
i'd love you to love me
i'm begging you to beg me"
-------------------------------------------
"She's fading away
Away from this world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
She talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know
No more shame, she has felt too much pain, in her life
In her mind she's repeating the words"
--------------------------------------------

"Fear of the dark tears me apart
won't leave me alone and time keeps running out
Tell me why do I feel this way
all my life I`ve been standing on the borderline
too many bridges burned
too many lies I've heard
they follow me home, disturbing my sleep
but I'll find a place, place where they cannot find me
maybe I'm lost, and maybe I'm scared
but too many times I've closed the doors behind me"

-+-+-+-+---------------------------------

*sigh*
i never miss meals, i never dont eat
wat is going on with me
today i was crippled with pain
lately, in these past few days/week, the only "food" as in proper food i have eaten is last night at maccas i had chips, (as well as ice-cream, but like i said, "proper food")
and today i was crippled in pain
but thanks bradley, your a champion
i just dont get it, i havent been eating right at all lately
and because of my not-eating, and whenever i do eat its only somethingsmall and tiny and not proper food, and its not healthy either, i do not call a mars bar proper food
*sigh*
i just... forget
i just... dont eat
i look at food, and think yuck
i see it and just.. pick at it or dont eat it
i just dont know whats wrong with me lately, or why im not eating properly.
my health is getting really bad
i am constantly weak and tired, lack of food/nutrients.
*sigh*
i dont wnat to continue liek this, i want to be normally healthy again, i dont understand why im not eating most of teh time i just dont feel liek eating anything, so i dont.
i wish i knew what was goingon with me.
maybe its stress thats making me not eat..?
with recent events, mainly family, which has been extremely hectic.. and stressfull.. i havent eaten, perhaps because of those reasons
i tried teh "list" idea of listing everything i eat in a week, and when it came friday, time to look at everythingid eaten, there was barely anything on it, with about 2 proper meals in that week, and 3 days where i didnt eat anything at all:S
what am i doing to myself?
and more importantly, why?
i just dont get it, whats going on with my life, with my family, and more importantly, i dont understand what is going on with me, inside my head.. its not a matter of "i think im fat so im not going to eat", because i like me the size i am, and the shape i am. its more a matter of that everytime i look at food, i think im not hungry and ill get something later., so i forget, or the thought of food makes me feel sick. but what am i doing to myself by not eating?
please, if there is somebody out there that can help, i need you, i need your help, i dont understand any of this, i cant do it without your help
stephanie ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6551625/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6551625/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 03:17:58 PDT
today has been an okay day. apart from feeling really stressed and anxious and nervous and needing sleep and a proper meal...
i feel really sick, and i have a headache

i had coffee with Shemma, she rocks
Long time, and we caught up, finally!:coffee:
it was great

Then came home, trying to sort out everything and Anonymous: thankyou

Started working more on my script.
Am about to go out and babysit the most adorablest little kids ever^_^
theyre so cool!
they feed me cookies:wink:
and chocolate
and theyre so talkative, and they talk about anything and everything

will take my bible to make notes about everything, inc Anonymous' questions which made me think how i can be of help to more people.
goodnight everyone, and have an awesome week ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6541956/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6541956/ Tue, 20 Sep 2005 02:26:47 PDT This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where I want to go
The rest will follow



edited why?
just because i felt the need to rewrite.

school update: i havent been since friday, i had work experience on monday, and i
health update: have been feeling really under the weather, i havent been eating right, and i havent been sleeping right either, and i have skipped so many meals, i think i have an iron deficience at the moment.
anywho
i will be fine ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6532896/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6532896/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 22:50:55 PDT
Mood: Paine

well today i went to church.
i needed it, i missed church, i didnt like not going to church last week
the message was great today, from what i could focus on, i couldnt focus very much at all, too nervous, too upset, feeling quite sickly
but after church, i spoke to someone whom i needed to speak to an dit was one of those really indepth talks, where it all seems okay at the end
so with the problem i was facing, it will all be okay, and she just assured me that it would be, and it is still clouded, and blurred, but it will all be okay
i have a slight headache however that i have had ever since i woke up this morning
i am going to lie down i think..
on other matters, icy coldness is of a negative space meaning it hurts and it cuts like a knife.

anywho,
au revoir.

steph

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6524711/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6524711/ Sat, 17 Sep 2005 07:01:22 PDT
Mood: muwaha

edited:this entire post
why?

reasoning because i feel that i am constantly having to please all the time, constantly havingto keep up living to a certain expectation and standard and if i dont then it is unacceptable. A group of friends is angry at me, i dont know what i have done, but if they want to feel that way, without telling me why, then i will let them. It is their burden to carry, the feeling of having to be in a negative light. I hope they bring themselves to feel happy once more, i ampraying for them and their happiness.
I dont need to live to their expectations. I would be living a lie. I am me, if they do not wish to accept that, then that is their issues and hardships in life.
----------------------------------------
Eating Healthyis easy
Heres one i prepared earlier
menu-a-la-Steph
Breakfast-a-la-Steph:
-cup of herbal tea
-bowl of meusli with chopped fruit (i prefer apricot, banana or peache)
-fruit (i had oranges and kiwi fruits)
-yogurt (the natural kind)
the most important meal of the day
---
Lunch-a-la-Steph
-bottle of mineral water
-salad on whole grain bread (may include meats such as chicken, or tuna, or salmon, or ham-the light kind)
-salad wrap
-Lebanese roll
-fruit- (i prefer rockmelon or watermelon at lunch, more solid fruits to maintain solid food that is good for your health, that will be absorbed, not oily/greasy)
make sure this is a healthy meal, because although you will be on teh go, you wil need to resist the temptationof eating junk which will make your immune system falter leaving you with a gluggy sinking feeling for the restof your busy busy day
---
Dinner-a-la-Steph
-mineral water
-salad-lettuce, tomato, cheese, carrot with light dressing
-side dish-pineapple pieces, beetroot, carrot sticks
-steamed vegetables-brocoli and cabbage, beens (make sure to eat your greans because they give you iron which gives you strength)
-caserouls-cauliflower cheese
-stirfry with no sugar added
-roast meat, red meat-beef, lamb
-white meats such as fish, or other seafood. fish is good for you though.
make sure you eat all of your dinner because it will be the last thing you eat and it needs to keep you going until morning, thats over eight healthy hours of sleep.

there we go.
My Healthy-Eating-Plan-A-La-Steph

eating healthy is not hard. remember not to eat too much fatty foods or anything oily or greasy. and eat your beans, make sure you have breakfast, and dont skip lunch.
Eat Right, Live Right. next installment of Living-Healthy-A-La-Steph coming soon

steph

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox ]]> ~termagen http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6509132/ http://termagen.deviantart.com/journal/6509132/ Thu, 15 Sep 2005 05:35:11 PDT
Mood: God's little rocker

well i have had a really bad time lately
but i know it is all just trials and tests of my strength, courage, and faith.
i almost lost faith last night.
i cant say it wasnt my fault, as i know that i can turn around any situation given.
its just what was said about me.
someone i trust, i love, and i care deeply about, yet it feels as if i have no love compassion or care in return, let alone support.. it is something i crave for, for their approval of me, for their love, and their support. i have the love and support of many friends and awesome peopel and God whom i love so dearly, and i thank everyone for it.
But all the times its been tested, ive come out stronger and better thn i went in heart:

so no matter how badly a situation seems, it will always be okay in the end of it all.

I cracked and i crumbled and i fell down,
but He picked me up again and glued me back together again.
alls i got was a bruised knee, but thats okay. my suffering is very little.

Tonight i communicated. twas most excellent. my friend and i spoke after much time of not speaking. we hadnt had a fight or anything, the time to call was just never there. although when we did speak, it was most memorable^_^

i am feeling rather exhausted. not as in: tired, need sleep, but exhausted as in almst all of me has been tried and tested and put through the meat grinder. im exhausted.
perhaps i do need sleep. i meanits been a really full on week. although its friday tomorrow. i wish i was going to youthgroup. but if this is Gods plan for me, this is just another test for me. i will stay strong.

i just need sleep. to rest. and in this time of rest, to gather my thoughts. its been a long week. but i will survive.il stay alive.
*breaks into priscilla songs complete with Prince outfit and Michael Jackson wig and Justin Timberlake dancemoves*
hey if you think this is weird, you should see what i was wearing.doing in my strange disillusioned dream the other night.^_^

Stay strong!

steph

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox ]]> ~termagen