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]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6858835/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6858835/ Mon, 24 Oct 2005 19:53:49 PDT of everything that i wanted
could this be the end
of everything i once knew
swallow it down
it chokes in your throat
theyre starting to fall now
stand in the rain
in your solitude

solitude ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6717914/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6717914/ Sun, 09 Oct 2005 03:46:51 PDT before i close my eyes at night
and in the morning when i wake
youre the first thing on my mind
i know i cant have everything
and knowing thats alright
ill be watching you from far away
ill think of you tonight ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6399279/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6399279/ Fri, 02 Sep 2005 16:53:37 PDT on the wall
lies the thousands of scars and cuts
that bleed unnoticed
under the mask
under the blank slate
look closely
and youll see the blood
seeping through



so... when youre the last one left... maybe it is best to forget. why does it feel like 2001 all over again? when you take that large of a fall maybe you never can move on.

to be honest, i hate you. i despise you. i cant stand you. all the little things that you do drive me fucking crazy. and you dont know when to stop. you just keep going and going and going. youve gone past the line. youre going to go straight into that fucking wall. so spare us all. just kill yourself. take a gun. blow your fucking brains out. please. and the next time i look in a mirror, just disapear. ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6025401/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/6025401/ Sun, 24 Jul 2005 22:27:33 PDT its for the adrenaline.
its for the pain.
the hurt.
so when we die.

we.die.young. ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5989971/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5989971/ Wed, 20 Jul 2005 20:20:39 PDT um.... yeah....
soooooooooooo.
ive been "working" at me madre's cafeteria for the entire summer thus far... and i think it has affected my brain... sitting at a cash register for 8 hours straight... >.>... i have found myself sitting there thinking how much more interesting it would be if i had a hack saw... so i could saw my arm off... sadly enough... i was quite serious while thinking this... also... if i had a gun, it would make my job sooooo much more easier. those who piss me off or cause me grief... BLAM.... XD... next customer please~
mmmmmmm..... you meet alot of interesting people and get to see lots of things.... for instance... there is this one girl... who always wears really low and revealing tops... and she constantly bends forward to search her purse for change... while leaving a wonderous landscape for your average sleazy male humanoid to gaze at... sooooooooooo. being your average sleazy male humanoid, yours truly took a glance... and the first thing that came to mind and he actually said this out loud) was "mmmmmm.... nicolai gorabchev..." nowadays i have taken to whistling LET IT SNOW~!
...
sooooooooooooo.

ohtheweatheroutsideisfrightfullbutthefir eissodelightfullandwehaventaplacetogolet itsnowletitsnowletitsnowwhenwefinallysay goodnightohillhategoingoutinthestormbuta slongasyouholdmetightallthewayhomeillbew armohthefireisslowlydyingandmydearwerest illgoodbyeingbutaslongasyoulovemesoletit snowletitsnowLETitSNOW~!

in the middle of july? ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5506870/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5506870/ Mon, 30 May 2005 22:11:11 PDT just another toy.

i have feelings.
feelings to be stepped upon.

im happy.
happy that im alive.

i'll live today.
today was yesterday.

DREAM. ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5294377/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/5294377/ Sat, 07 May 2005 14:47:17 PDT so today, let's live in yesterday
the sun will set the other way
in happy memories, no one will cry ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/4688430/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/4688430/ Sun, 27 Feb 2005 21:17:49 PST on friday, when we were driving up to tahoe... i fell asleep >.> ... and woke up right as we were on the outskirts of a city... i had no idea where we were... nothing was familiar... nothing... then i saw scandia... shit... its fairfield... and i couldnt recognize it... we drove back down through fairfield when coming down... and i looked out the window... and felt nothing... just another city... feh... something tells me that the great purge of the past has finally reached its ends...
4 long years... and now... finnally... of all times to realize that i can and have moved on from the schizm that occured in my life... to be torn appart once again... possibly... by college... if i get in to one... lets not go there now...

its the strangest thing. the things that mean the most to you, the things that seem the most important, and pretty much create who you are or were... are meaningless and petty... the stupidest reasons, the stupidest things. we linger on and hold on to these things and in the end, they amount to nothing... absolutely nothing...
we see these things all the time. other people's web bloggs, people talking, stories, etx... and we just think "oh that stupid" "what a self-centered person" "what a snob" "what a loser" etx... but when we look back on our own lives and actually see whats there... its just a petty and stupid as all the other lives out there. its nothing. we bitch and we complaing... and in the end, its nothing... all this angst, rage, anger, depression, amounts to nothing... now looking back, we think... how stupid it all was... ill never do that again... but then were at the begining again and the same thing happens again. and at the end well all be looking back and thinking "what happend?" "where did my life go?"
and it will all be... nothing.


simple memories on a page
whoosh.
fly away
like ashes in the wind ]]> ~theparkus http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/2838258/ http://theparkus.deviantart.com/journal/2838258/ Fri, 09 Jul 2004 01:44:58 PDT in 2001... i moved(GASP SHOCK HORROR) and since then ive feel as if i have alienated some... if not all of you... and in turn i have alienated myself as well... hurting myself soo much by pretending that i had not changed but still realizing that i could not go back... i decided to put into motion the "GREAT PURGE OF THE PAST" which was quite effective i must say... many things were lost... memories... pictures... other momentos... connections with others... but thats over and i see that harm that it has done... its been close to 3 years since i moved and its taken me 3 years to be able to accept this as well as to rebuild my life... yet i have not forgoton, you are not forgoton. hanging out in the quad at lunch times... creating rivers of juice and food on the concrete... unnessesary conversations of fruit going up passageways they do not belong in... sacrificing goldfish to the raingods while soaking my underware as well.....>.< .... throwing goldfish..... getting chased around and getting chuncks of hair pulled out of me scull... dreaming of the endless possible relationships that could emerge if the characters in gundamwing were gay... playing random games... talking about music... koji's nummiful goodness... eatting cami's chocolate bar wrappers and tin foil.... sam's cardcaptor sakura tarrot card obession... paper RPGs complimentary of andie.... marching band.... drawing chibbi characters and inventing stories instead of paying attention.... making fun of on Greg Golsen... JACKASS!!!!.... "and everything went to hell in a hand basket".... poetry readings of linkin park lyrics... messy hair.... crazy hair..... strange looks from ms. bell.... pink roxy t shirt...... lemony monday tallgeese tuesday weddgie wednesday porno thuresday ficky friday... killing "shelly's" much to snausages dismay...... jumping over tables and attempting to run up walls and then getting yelled at by teachers..... beholding the power of cheese..... and soo much more.... yesh...... those were the best years of my life. but unfortunatly things have happend and we've all moved on someway or another... yet i still wish things were the way they were and i want to reform the connections that were lost.... we'll see.... we'll see.... ]]> ~theparkus