http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:thesolarwinds&section=today deviantART RSS for by:thesolarwinds en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:21:37 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/28533322/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/28533322/ Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:53:18 PST would we grasp still at concepts beyond wording?
I can only dream, of words that say everything
for if such things existed
then could we not be spared
the dance of fans
and the play of hands
the demand

What do we need?
Why do we say it?

am I better off not asking
for in the end I will be alone
I can feel the air changing
the world is different

we who once knew it all, or it seemed
know nothing

nothing is all we have

cling to the memories, cling to the dreams
in the end they all tear apart at the seams
I can only scream

I am breaking, broken
a fragment of a daydream
will it come back, the feeling?
I feel so wrong
I feel so deserted

I am next to you in the darkness, alone
I cry, the tears cold like ice
cold as I feel now
broken


---------


Doubts like some vile organ
attach to me
breathing

I try to cut it off
cut it away
but nothing works
I am alone

Tears exist, in the darkness
I am here
side stepping all the problems
sparing you
or at least I think

Darkness is a disease
we eat it, we breath it
it runs through our veins
like a river of glass

There is a wall coming
rising between this place
that used to be full of light
now it is shaded
a wrong decision
a want to know

I try to say the words
but they rise like stones
in my throat
I gag, I cough
seeing nothing

I want to know
I want to feel no fear

They never told me it was easy
and I never asked
to fall away from
the stars

I am alone here,
in the throbbing darkness
my heart pumping glass

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/28112575/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/28112575/ Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:12:12 PST the only framing materials I have are old mat boards and that is it ^^:
But I feel like not submitting anything is worse than submitting something and getting rejected, I haven't had the opportunity to be in anything like this since high school, which was four years ago so...
that's too long I think.
anyway, just kind of ranting ^^:
ugh.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27795518/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27795518/ Fri, 16 Oct 2009 10:51:55 PDT I've had no time to sleep, let alone draw anything in the past couple weeks, and sleep is exactly what I did all my fall break. Gonna try and get some drawing done soon, as there is a lull in my workload, but DANG....
I need another break.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27528816/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27528816/ Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:36:54 PDT of emotion, the tides rising inside
where shore meets sea
the sand drips away
in pieces

the earth mingles with water
the tiny shards of each
clash, giving and taking
moving against each other

the world is moving
and moving
I can't catch my breath
confused, in a sea of dreams
of things I thought should be

how unstable the tides become

the world is moving
and moving

I can't stop turning

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27098816/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27098816/ Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:25:34 PDT the ice, a crystal shard
encasing me in the past
where time is cold, a momentary loss of
vision and I fall
the dream becomes dark
the stars fade out


I am alone with my thoughts
as the clouds overhead
rain down cold rain

I remember you, in the sunlight
the trees around you seem to glisten
like heaven became real
the darkness a momentary dream

but it fades
the shadows return
and it is all real
the sorrow, the ice
the rain pouring down above me

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27043917/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/27043917/ Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:39:50 PDT we are our own beat, a thriving
winding lyrical page
upon which the flames
burn

Let this music rise
piping high
where the world is made new
and all the stars go out

because of me and you

there is no music that we need
I am a drum, you the master
play upon me and create
the spark
the fire burns
destroying all the words

I can only breathe

there is nothing beyond this moment
the flames circle, fiery tongues joining
smoke becomes a veil
that covers all of this
and we are drawn inward

there is no music that we need
we are our own beat, a thriving
winding lyrical page
upon which the flames
burn

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26578137/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26578137/ Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:46:58 PDT looking ahead
to the moment of dread
where life ends, and the cycle turns
leaving space for another soul in the world
this moment you fear
is only a new beginning

it is not the answer to the
world, attacking you on all sides
you feel you cannot breathe
and everything becomes ashen
and burns your mouth
leaving you broken

look again at the sky!
Where sunlight burning brightly
brings a new day
where you can fly, high again
feel the wind in your feathers
and remember those that have gone before

you who are drowning
you must make yourself free
look again at the clouds
silver shapes drifting
your wings can touch them
your tongue can taste them

breathe in deep
the breath you still keep
blessed you are
songbird, sing again
life is too short
too full of pain
to keep it close to your heart
where it will darken and destroy

build yourself a wall
to keep out the night
hold high the joy, your light
and let it's rays fill you with peace
remember those that have gone before and weep
but let the tears you cry dry up
for death is just another beginning
a birth into the unknown
it is not the answer

breathe in deep
the breath you still keep
blessed you are
songbird, sing again
life is too short
and full of pain to keep it close to your heart
making you silent

sing again

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26480353/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26480353/ Sun, 09 Aug 2009 09:21:36 PDT with drops of moments, glorious in their casing
where I can remember

the touch, the smell
the way you look
laying away from me
the long line of your back curved
as your spine is wrapped around
you sleep

I, awake, feel as if I am floating
perfect moments are often not the ones
that scream with passion, or fire

they are the quiet places, where time suspends itself
and each breath falls like a drop of rain
cascading into the warmth of the air
and evaporating into everything else
that is not here, where only two exist

It is a dream, beyond waking
the moment gone as you wake
and your eyes foggy with sleep, look to me
I can only smile, as my heart skips a beat

to say the word love, is a pathetic attempt
at wording the feelings that go through me
I can't tell you exactly, but I think you understand
all that matters is this, the feeling

I never knew just how deep was the well of emotion
glad that I have been shown
I can only write these words
still a shadow of the beating heart

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26359992/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26359992/ Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:33:00 PDT than the feeling in my chest
heart beating fast
I smile as I open the door
my eyes are downcast
too afraid to make the first glance.
Your face, so alike to when you were young
the eyes, bright like moonbeams,
greet mine and
pierce into the inner fabric
of my soul,
where I feel naked,
shuddering.

there are no words to say
as my heart pounds inside
awaiting that first touch
the hug, the kiss
the simple caress of your hand
where time freezes
and I am stuck,
in a moment of floating joy
stuck, with you

let me be stuck in that embrace forever
I can hear your heart
thumping in your chest
my ears I press
closer to the warmth of something so familiar
I know this feeling like I know my breath
forever coming and going, but one day to end.
there are no words to describe
the breathless entrance of one
such as you

hold my heart in your hands
it pulsates warmth, and joy at your touch
let the warmth enfold you in a caress
where words are nothing
and all that matters is this.
the joining of souls
the contact of eyes
where I greet you with a smile
too happy to speak

Let my joy fill you up
as a cask, awaiting eagerly the moment of filling
it will take you higher than you have ever known
to a place above the clouds
where stars glimmer, and the future is unknown

simple words seem to suffice
but I feel as if something is left unsaid
I have no words to say it
I am only able to feel

All that matters is this
the joining of souls
the contact of flesh
I greet you with a smile,
and am too happy to speak.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26198011/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26198011/ Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:49:07 PDT into the dark sea
where tides roll
I cannot see
the water rises above my head
and I drown
slowly in the sinking feeling

I cannot breathe

there is nothing here to save me

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26188861/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26188861/ Sun, 26 Jul 2009 11:37:05 PDT I have said
but nothing matters as much
as this
the moment of connecting
where I feel free
the light becomes
blinding
cast through half-open window blinds

the need is more than I can bear

there are so many things
I have done
but nothing matters as much as
this
the moment of being
with you
where I feel love
and a calm passion
that creeps up from soul
engulfing me
in a wave of cold fire

the need is more than I can bear

nothing matters
as much as this

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26097084/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/26097084/ Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:41:40 PDT the joining of lovers
the embrace of warmth
and joy, it cascades as the ocean
against the shore,
washing away layers of safety

I want to stay forever
in the arms of one
where I can sleep, be at peace
where the world stops, spins, and stops again
as the pulsating of his heart

I know only longing
and sorrow
the two twined together
as if a ribbon of icy gold
Tomorrow isn't a given
we are not given enough time

life becomes, and ends
in the heartbeat
echoing through our bodies
when it stops, what happens next?

I want to be forever in
the arms of my hearts heart
beating against my cheek,
I burrow deeper into you

If only I could say properly
the things that come to mind
would my time be wasted then?
I am old, and unmoving

the rock that has found it's way
to the bottom, it rolls
momentarily higher than before
but it always goes lower
and lower, pounded into the earth
until finally it wears away and dissipates
cast into the ocean

the warmth of your lips
the blanket of your arms
the shelter of your words
I huddle under all of these
shivering, waiting

The light upon the ocean glimmers
wave after wave is cast
passing beyond time, passing beyond me
where I wait, my hands unfolded, open
ready for some sort of conclusion
but the day that my story ends
so will I

My love lives beyond these words
beyond this story
into which we have been cast
the players take their part
and finally dissapear into the darkness
of the stage

I live only to hold you
I live only to be held by you
Let me live again, in the arms of you
the soother of souls, and bringer of peace
bring peace now to me, so that I may sleep
resting in the night, the warmth of your body
remembered against mine, I shiver to think
of the moments we share

each moment, like a glimmer of light
upon the ocean waves
is cast into my eyes, my mind
where I see, I live, I breathe
to hold you
I will fade
like the actor from the stage

but what I know, what I feel
will stay, trapped in the world
where light shatters the dark shell
into which I become trapped
but the light is only you
breaking through, entering my heart

There is a moment of forever in
the joining of lovers
the embrace of warmth
and joy, it cascades as the ocean
against the shore,
washing away layers of safety

I want to stay forever
in the arms of one
where I can sleep, be at peace
where the world stops, spins, and stops again
as the pulsating of his heart

the warmth of your lips
the blanket of your arms
the shelter of your words
I huddle under all of these
shivering,
waiting....

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25993547/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25993547/ Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:07:42 PDT the street below me bellows
car horns, voices cascade together
in waves of words that melt
creating static

I can see them
but they can't see me

I wonder where the time goes
if we see the same things
I can't reach through this icy sheen
to touch them, passing by

I can see them
but they can't see me

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25980879/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25980879/ Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:44:52 PDT to fall
from where the joy of existing once began
the voices raised in anger, their
words muffled
but still the same

drop me lower
they, who are older
they who are not dependent
they have the power

or so they say
they worry, and keep tally
there is nothing that does not belong to them

I feel, from being full of a joy
to now being full of regret
I regret everything I do
but most of all
I regret what they do

I only want to be happy
to not say this is mine
that is yours
it is ours

I am the one
who could help, but I am unable
I am pathetic, weaker
so low on the scale of power

I cannot keep tally
i cannot understand

I won't let them make me
feel like something I am not

but they scream
their words muffled, but still the same

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25974002/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25974002/ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:56:14 PDT drift like petals
on the ripples
of a river
where my heart beats
creating currents

I can still feel the
press of flesh, being close
to you, the smell, the touch
everything I remember
is cherished

you, like a fire
burn your way through
my veins, I can only sing
sing my memories of you

you open up the darkened soul
the inner light
shines only for you
you bring me out, make me alive

memories of you, are pale
fragile pieces of glass
I caress, there are no edges here
just bits of light I hold

everything I remember, is cherished
the smell, the touch, the eyes of
the one who is captured in my light

touch me, feel me, hear me
I long for longing to begin
when love can cast off the cloaks of
life, and we are us
a girl
a boy
two souls bound into the world
that happen to dance
as fire dances
around smoke

I am the wood, upon which you burn
burn me, feel me, touch me now

memories I hold
shards of light
tear through this darkness
and make bright
the sheltered place
where I have stayed

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25413880/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25413880/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:19:40 PDT cold cars
speed across the
darkened pavement of
the sky

Time moves forward
a dance beyond dancing
where dream and thought merge
into a fantasy of human emotion

to think it passes
like fire-fly wings
soft, almost unnoticeable change
in the night
where lights flicker for a second
then die
only to reappear
and vanish

the endless tide rolls on
where life is but a flicker
a flash in the universe
we who are here
we who know fear

are the bearers of the curse
the human condition
we have only love
we have only light
to get us through this

to bring us to
the new time
where fantasy fades
and reality plays
a jarring melody

wake up
from this dream
wake up
from your slumber

the stars like
cold cars
speed across the
darkened pavement of
the sky

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25330815/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25330815/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:12:34 PDT casting their love-signal
glances across the trees
Like flashing stars in the sky
they shone, golden against the fog
golden against the stars.

A touch-sigh-caress
all things desire
transpire to become
the moment of this
growing.

fog like fire snakes its way
between my lips
setting my whole frame
shivering
there is no distance here

Come here
closer to the place
where the end becomes
the beginning

I can feel you
warm against the
night, chill fog
golden lights
I can only stare

the beauty of you
overpowers the night
and I am drawn in
lost in the moment
of being with you

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25176868/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25176868/ Sun, 07 Jun 2009 10:13:29 PDT My best wishes to all.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25142750/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25142750/ Fri, 05 Jun 2009 12:17:15 PDT of a wounded personification
breathe in
breathe out
the pain will fade
just as you will do

the stars are chill
the wind scrapes across the spine
of rolling mountain manifestations
life becomes still
shuddering in the ice

breathe in

breathe out

the pain will fade
just as you will do

stuck in a deep darkness
there is no bottom
only the beginning of
the end


breathe in

breathe out

the clock moves forward
as you exhale
but don't worry
you have plenty of time left

if you call a mote of dust
among the stars time



breathe in

breathe out

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25102169/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25102169/ Wed, 03 Jun 2009 07:00:20 PDT a void
where light used to burn
the soul used to speak
and the mind used to be

no longer do your eyes see
what is here
in front of me
I cannot ask you
about life again

I cannot hear you laugh
the light burns no more
the eyes spark darkly

you cannot hear me cry
as I am here, waiting
for you

the cold flesh withers
and becomes ash
the cold soul shivers
and becomes snow

there is no pain greater than this
the flowers wither in the heat
of june

the trees weep, their leaves
turn to grey
their branches reach to the sky
hoping
hoping for rain
the sky does not shed a tear
the branches go dry
shrinking in the heat

you cannot see
what is here
before me

you cannot hear me cry
as I scream for you

you cannot feel me
as I give you one last touch
a caress, for the father
for death the thief
comes in the night
takes away all hope
and all fear
and leaves the empty shell

the trees weep in june
their bark cracks
the heat is unbearable

you are not here
I want you back
but there is no coming back
not from where you have gone

I cry
and cry
there is no end to
the sorrow

I cannot ask you
about life again

the cold flesh withers
and becomes ash
the cold soul shivers
and becomes snow
and I sink inside

overwhelmed by the
loss of you
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Two years ago today was the worst day of my life. My father died. Only now am I starting to feel it, to realize he is gone. I was pretty much numb for the first year. Time seems to go by so fast. It seems like yesterday that he was here, and sometimes it feels like ages since he was. Really all I know lately is that I miss him and I feel robbed. Because I didn't get to talk to him about all the things I wanted to, I won't get to dance with him when I get married or be given away. He won't get to see me grow up, get old. And become what I am meant to be. That's the hardest part, all the things I won't get to do or say or I should have done or said. Life can be a real bastard, but also the most amazing thing ever. I am glad that I knew my father, and I got to spend as much time as I did with him, and yet I want more time. But it's too late for that. I am going to try and do some art today instead of sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself. I wish everyone joy and peace.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25017978/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/25017978/ Fri, 29 May 2009 15:54:19 PDT dark, turbulent
in its flowing
on and on it goes
never quite knowing
the path to which
it is going
waters of mind
waters of light
fill the places
where we hide
into the night
the sky afire
with distant stars
dreams and desires

there is no rest for
the wicked of heart
the river goes on
to the death of hope
and the end of night
the sky becomes ablaze
with the untruth of this place


I long to find the end
where the river stops
and dreams disintegrate
where hope becomes an ebb
in the minds eye of time
and places we thought were golden
become rusted with life

on and on it goes
flowing into knowing
where it goes
the places end
and the sky stops burning
we become shells
and life stops growing

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24756817/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24756817/ Thu, 14 May 2009 16:09:06 PDT the green Kentucky spring
shines around you like a halo
of earth and water

Your eyes are quiet
the inwardness of your thought
is almost disturbing

I can only think of love, and
things that are useless
It makes me want to cry

and hold you closer
To leech your troubles
and swallow them inside of me

For there is already enough
darkness there
to handle it

I look again and
I say something spaztic
and you smile

I live for that
The brightening of your eyes
and the small laugh

The trees shimmer as I laugh too
I know only this
I can only make you smile

let me become the shield
the armor to protect, to keep safe
that laughter from the world
where dark, dreary dreams
swallow joy

I who am sometimes joyless
can be what is needed.

I love your smile.
The water whispers of
the thoughts you are seeing
I long to wrap you up
take you away
and leech your sorrow

I can only make you laugh

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24754831/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24754831/ Thu, 14 May 2009 14:14:13 PDT my father was dead
it was a lie.

I know he is here
inside.
I want to believe.

Lights like bleach
wash my brain in speech.
There are no words strong enough to say
that I grieve.

Flowers beginning to open
the world awakens
chill winds no longer blow
the sky glows
burning me, casting light into my soul.

They said my father was dead
it was a lie.
He lives beside me now
in the sky, in the trees
there is nowhere he can't be.
I want to believe.

Losing hope
like a hole in the chest
rip me open,
make me broken
There is nowhere he can't be.
except here, with me.
I want to believe.

The earth shudders
tidal emotions
I don't want to feel
it was a lie

no more of this
can I swallow
the tears come, but they are hollow
glass shells of feeling
that drip from my mouth

You can't hear me now
You can't feel me now
You can't see me now

I am broken by the places
you used to be
in the house
in the garden
under the trees.

it was a lie.

The day they told me my father died.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24631995/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24631995/ Thu, 07 May 2009 09:05:08 PDT the ashen stones
a soft hum calls
pulling me softly

there is a feeling in the night
of unwanted dreams
and distant screams
and flesh against flesh

we can't express the things
that become us
we are nothing more than shadows
hidden between spaces of light

flowers that used to bloom
brightly, now fall
crumbling ruined masses
to the ground

the shadows call
their humming, thrumming
darkness the call to which
I am pulled

there is no way out of this

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24628101/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24628101/ Thu, 07 May 2009 00:02:49 PDT that you wear
encompassing the stark silence
we are this,
the shattered pieces,
I am nothing inside.
The stars cry.
The child inside hides.

We are what we seem
the night shudders
nothing here to see.
only trapped misery
breaking at the seams
we are what we
become.
the shattered pieces of children
the stars weep
icy tears collide
there is nothing here.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24573197/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24573197/ Sun, 03 May 2009 19:33:35 PDT fortresses of light
into which we dive
hidden amongst the divine
there is no place like
the small of your back
or the way you make me laugh
hopeless in my happieness
I can only breathe
the puzzle pieces coming together
places filled that once were empty
I begin to understand
the nature of this
we are what we give
the best of things there is
include you
and your kisses
I am drawn in
and held hopelessly by
the single thread
between

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24455111/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24455111/ Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:56:15 PDT akin to the way
your skin feels
tingling along mine
the shallow warmth that lends
itself from skin to skin
touching the darkness
where we hide ourselves

tear free from this body
the other person who waits
to be awakened by the
breath of a friend
the eyes of a love
who sends my feelings
into a torrent of thought
like rivers of ambience

I can only hear
you
whispering soft sounds
from the depths of
where passion grows
like a rose
the red rose cliche
that comes around again
like lovers
awaiting to be used
awaiting the touch
of the one who is fire

I long for the touch
of the hand that
sears passion through my flesh
branding me with the tingle
the tickle
I can only see the eyes of
the love who cascades against
what I am, awaiting this

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24272430/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24272430/ Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:24:41 PDT grey specs of memory
escaping me
the red lines are
what they seem
only deeper
inside me
the sky shudders
dropping itself
onto the earth
crossing the empty void
a hole opens wide
torn from the nonexistince
torn from me
I can only scream
no words become this feeling
of losing hope
of feeling worthless
we are what we are
nothing more
there is nothing to hope for
but an average life
the sky sheds ash
bits of flesh burnt black
the red lines come
pouring the life out of me
I can only scream
huddled inside myself
feeling worthless

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24207239/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24207239/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 18:21:28 PDT earth of things we rely on
I bend toward you

I long to embrace you
as the sky embraces light
be beside me now

I touch your back
you shiver
It was an accident, I swear

you blur in my vision
standing beside me
I can only feel

feelings beyond words rush
through my blood
filling my head
filling my heart

I can only sit beside you
here, in the small place
we find to hide

we are pushed
together
like small needles
piercing the fabric
of this life

I can only be content
when your arms are
here
filling my head
filling my heart

the words do not come
and I touch you again
it was an accident, I swear

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24113024/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24113024/ Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:10:56 PDT the place breathes dissent
like a disease of the mind
where things we find
hide
disguising themselves
in the past
where we want to go
but alas
the sun is too bright
the wind too strong
the very air seems to suck the life from
where we are

falling into distance
I wait
for this to become
a becoming
I am a rose
born upon the winds of winter
brittle leaves breaking
flesh torn asunder
falling along the wind
tumbling in air
as I am driven toward
the end

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24088489/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24088489/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 06:42:16 PDT the scorched places
smoke
embers lightly glowing
a chill wind softly blowing
nothing to keep safe
the soft flesh
the weakness
that bares itself so strongly


For anyone that knows this website, I am on livejournal as Juliaroseb most if not all of my poetry can be found there.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24088470/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24088470/ Mon, 06 Apr 2009 06:39:39 PDT the night draws
across my mind
like a thin thread
pulled into the flesh
alone in the darkness
I only breathe

the texture of this world
surrounds me
golden light
fades
still night
draws on
erasing the color


here we sing
waiting to begin

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24014237/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/24014237/ Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:58:42 PDT lol... Gonna have to mess around with it some more.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23950154/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23950154/ Sun, 29 Mar 2009 11:48:27 PDT One big thing this whole deal has helped me work out is that I am afraid of what lies ahead. Of what my life will be. But there is no point in being afraid. It will be what it will be and I can make it good or bad. Despite what has happened so far, I can rise above it all and become what I want to be. It's a matter of effort and time. The time I do not have so much, but I will make it. The effort, I need to put out more of. Do more paintings, drawings, anything. Also find out anything I can regarding schooling, or possibly selling my work. I also have decided that my view of the world and my future was unrealistic, and kind of immature. My life is my own and only I can make it great. That is the conclusion I have come to, now... to get started.
I do have one thing to ask, if anyone has any information they feel might be helpful please do not hesitate to share.
I would appreciate it a great deal.
Again, thank you all who commented.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23914408/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23914408/ Fri, 27 Mar 2009 10:05:50 PDT
]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23843767/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23843767/ Mon, 23 Mar 2009 05:26:14 PDT the distant smoke
the clouds roll
like ropes
around the choking throat


I do not desire
the fire
but more the wood
upon wich this fire burns
like a pyre
bright against the darkness
of distant pain and dreams
that scream, again

cooling isn't part of
the way I breathe
the simple things
the simple way in which you
put me at ease
I feel as if I were sinking
into the warmth of
the embrace that
encapsulates feeling

there is no other akin to you
in the episodes of my life
magnitude measures much
but can't encapsulate this

every day the feeling grows
when it stops
I do not know

but you, the one who
makes the darkness a light
with your sparkling eyes
easy laughter and your
embraces that
I can't do without

I just have to say that
you are so bright
so strong
so much more than I

there are no poetic words
I find more poetic than
I love you.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23638285/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23638285/ Wed, 11 Mar 2009 05:45:03 PDT tears caress the flesh
slipping beyond here

there is nothing to fear


silent in the shadow of
stars, glittering
beyond the dreams of my
heart, slipping

I miss the shape of
the ways we press
suppressed
sighs escape the lips
tender in the darkness

we who are here
drifting
our hearts full of tears

there is nothing to fear

only what we know
escapes the mouth of
the river, flowing
into the essence of our dreams
tears, falling like snow
shed slowly their silver skin

memories fill me
pressed against the night
of your eyes
I sigh
only wanting more

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23303493/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23303493/ Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:39:17 PST feelings
falling foward
desperately clinging to
things that used to work
but now fall so short

what do I know
making time
to exist
waiting patiently

I am sick of patience
it gets me nowhere
waiting for things
that never will be

life will just shit on me

you will just shit on me

I know nothing of waiting

life like a line of dreams
torn seams
nothing can stitch together
me

I am broken
unwanted
hopeless

I am stupid
wanting things
that are not so
wanting you

ignorant

I should just go
you'd be better off anyway
without the harshness of me
without the insanity

what do I know
about anything

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23240566/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/23240566/ Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:32:55 PST tells me
of something more
I can see
like lights in the sky
the glitter in your eyes
the breath that flys
so swiftly
we guess
compressed

there is nothing more than this
wanting the touch
to breathe of acid
to feel of morning
where the stars fall above
we glitter
cascading into each other

the way you move
tells me all
lying inside the place
where we come face to face
and desires burn the skin
like frost

there is nothing more than this
waiting for the moment
when we can cascade again
wanting the acid
coming into this

The way you move
tells me all

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22921084/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22921084/ Sat, 31 Jan 2009 10:34:01 PST something else begins
where runs the river
deeper than I know

only moments matter
where time is concerned
garner moments of happiness
and wrap them together

lingering smells
cascade against the night
my weary eyes sink
thinking

the river spans
sending me flying
against the thought
I know only this

memories
singing
memories
I am drawn into

things I thought I knew

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22494950/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22494950/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:08:02 PST ^^:

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22458523/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22458523/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:34:10 PST just posting it here.


[link]

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22453661/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/22453661/ Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:23:24 PST where I have been
where I should be
I can't seem to cry
the stars are hard
against the cars
glinting ice
black velvet sky
encase the misery
all of the sadness
it seeps from my soul
I have no way of knowing
who is right
who is wrong
I am alone
the stars are so far away
their eyes closed against the day
nothing to say
only sorrow comes
encasing me in a shell
of tears
frozen against my skin
like the knife of old
the end of my existince
the undoing of all
nothing to say
nothing to see
but silent misery
as it drips from me
I pass through time like a shell
hollow as the world moves on
fill me up with emotion
cascade your thoughts through time
let me feel again
nothing to say
nothing to see
but silent misery

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20954634/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20954634/ Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:04:24 PDT what I see
beside me
longing to feel
again the touch
of fire
flame of flames
burn inside me
desire me
time slows
time speeds up
one like one
to become
body against body
flesh against flesh
flames consume me
I desire
torturing my soul
this distance
becoming me
I long to feel again
lips to frenzied lips
pleasure to pleasure
I desire
more than I can give
longing for touch
the love of loves
becomes me
I am consumed
burning silently
against you
again, and again
I want to know you
nothing beyond where
I belong
I am consumed
burning for you
my flesh aflame
nothing compares
I burn for you

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20887678/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20887678/ Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:30:49 PDT like stumbling
going forward
moving toward
where I belong
far from
where I began
I am strong
like a wind
in weak leaves
blowing free
making all to me
I am free
from where I strayed
staying inside
where all was safe
comfort in embraces
I am strong
ready to begin
a life away from
all that I know
changed too fast
ready to begin
I am
strong
I am
ready
I am
free

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20857897/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20857897/ Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:55:40 PDT like a razor edge
glistening blankly
my arms, oh my arms
drip
drip
drip
scripted to end
shown how to be
I am unseeing
in what I dream
how can I overcome
when I fail myself
all over and over again
I am nobody
I deserve nothing
only this
the slow drip
of memories
I remember distance
like sparkling stars
where hearts and hearts
beating like cars
tearing apart
all the parts
only flesh
its only flesh
we plead
crying for time
the joke of jokes
the mistaken man cries alone
nothing to hear
nothing to see
pain shines brightly
like a diamond
shoved into my chest
twinkling for all to see
the little diamond me
trembling

*not about suicide, but the death of the inner self...

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20601089/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20601089/ Sun, 21 Sep 2008 11:49:44 PDT

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20563348/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20563348/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:04:19 PDT touching the mind
so soulless in its depth
perception pierces
the fast running
water, liquid-like blood
far so far
there's a plague oozing
from the derision in
my mind
what i long for
does not come
what I seem to be
is so far beyond
everything
I am not stupid
I am bogged down
so many doubts
again
of you
don't play me for a fool
I will break you
I am sick of feeling
there's a plague coming
it will break your soul
crack you open
like a china doll
leave you stranded in the night
with no stars
no life
only you
and the pain
try to see through it
again

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20432667/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/20432667/ Thu, 11 Sep 2008 02:07:46 PDT awaiting moments
to remember
I breathe
so softly against
the cool air

fiery flesh
pierce this night
make new the stars
so that I can give
a great gift
no greater than
the gift that has
been given

piece together
the broken
embers
pulsating slightly
against my fingertips.

you who
are the center
of this energy
tearing through me

I long only for touch
cascading against the stars
oh silent sky
breathe to me now
of something else
hope and dreams
and missing this

I long for you
like onion rings
cascading
embrace me
int he silent stillness
of your mind

longing becomes ritual
of love and tears
and things we fear
I cast off this night
break a new day
become this love
this face to face
places
we could be
I wish only
to be near
where you are

missing the moments
I should treasure most
I long only
to surround you
in a love beyond dreams
so pure so clean
I could be new again
like stars in the sky
for only you

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19913628/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19913628/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 10:18:41 PDT giving up
my thirst
for equilibrium.
Nothing I say
is good enough.

It's so easy
to make believe
watching as the
red spirals
down.
you don't see me.

Nothing I do
is good enough.

What would you say
if I were to blink out.
Dissapear.
Like a shooting star.
Blazing red stripes
across the sky.

Nothing I do
is good enough.

There is no love here.
I am the unholy.
dissapear inside
me.
The void there
it can never be filled.

I descend
reverting
digressing.
No help for the
unloved.
No sanity for
me.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19913548/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19913548/ Tue, 12 Aug 2008 10:14:22 PDT words always do
fail me now

I wish to express
eloquently
my mind for you

my thoughts, my heart
probably too serious for you,
are all I have to give.

So like the sun
your eyes enrich me
make me whole, determined one.

I do not claim
to understand
how you view the world
I just wish to give you
these words
what you know already.

I miss you like none before
the very aura of your being
sends shivers down my spine
unwinding me.

linger a little longer, my love.

Destined for destiny
your mind, so bright,
blinds me, your eyes
so alight
sweet depths in
which I wish to drown

I could be happy
just knowing of you
let me follow you
let me hear you.

So silently you mend
the cracks in my soul
where I was ruined
you perfect me

modestly you fell
hard I was hit
life throws a fit
full of wonder
full of life
you whom I cannot despise.

so now
I have tried
to take down
a portion of emotion
unsucessfully
I love you.
only this.

everything pales
next to the presence of you
making my life
more bearable
by being in it.

thank you, my love.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19632410/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/19632410/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:55:11 PDT My e-mail be murmersoftlyofthenight@gmail.com

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18883843/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18883843/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 23:54:28 PDT I don't like being invisible. Also, I have decided that the human race as a whole sucks.
otherwise... my life at the moment is kind of crappy. I left Murray state, I am working at a gas station, and I live with my mother.
yay.
there is more in my life I should be happy about, but I find that I can't entertain joy in my heart for very long. It gets overwhelmed and kicked the hell out. I onno, this is a rant. I stopped taking the medication I was supposed to for my depression and anxiety stuff, and its gotten considerably worse since I 've started working at this gas station. I have several panic attacks a day and feel like crying all the time, I don't know if I should quit the job, I need the money.
mew.

anway, I haven't had much time for art lately, with work and whatnot. But I need to get myself doing it more often.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18865181/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18865181/ Mon, 16 Jun 2008 01:12:47 PDT as beacons of light
guiding us through the night
darkness, encase the hardest part
of me

I disagree
stars slither like silver pin pricks
posessing my mind
nothing beautiful
only the hard hurt
of their icy piercing


I am consumed
a fire burns lowly
smoking into the sky
dark night, oh dark of night
melt away inside of me
let me find peace

stars, oh stars
you shine so fitfully
glittering with uncertainty
so many things to ask
many more to know

never will I show
the things that need
to be shown
I can only cry
wimpering into shadow

oh the fire!
it burns my soul
tearing me into ash
scattering me
I am afraid

so still the sky is now
sunlight casting away
the shadow curtain of this place
let me be free
the bars are cold
they bite my skin
shivering, I am silent

there is nothing to say
only anger comes
raging itself to the surface
ripping, clawing
there is no love in me
only hate

oh the stars!
the cruel mockery of my life
you are
nothing bright here
only a hole punched in darkness
I flicker
and fade
my shockwave sounds
sending across the sky
nothing here
not for I

I burn
and burn
and finally am consumed.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18616177/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18616177/ Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:13:03 PDT like dewdrops in the morning
you hush
thinking of something
eyes like glassy orbs of distance
glitter
behind curtains of ice
cliche words penetrate my brain
making me whimper, in pain
so soft
like plush feathers against my skin
this feeling rushes in
incapable of telling
only playing the fool
who am I to feel

so softly
whispers of summer
like rose petals falling
red stain landing in the mud
ruined roses resting in refuse
waking up the possibility
of feeling
so soft
your words like grass blow
whispering secrets slowly


so soft
like a tug inside
a piercing blade
cutting deep
so softly
your eyes see
what you can't feel
your eyes don't see
what I know
so soft
is the longing
the ache in my chest
something tearing me apart
like a breeze
whispering through the trees
so softly
I am laid open
left to feel again
this feeling, this curse
you awaken uneasieness in me
let the beast alone
let the darkness be
let me bleed

so soft
the tears start to fall
I succumb to you

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18599736/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18599736/ Sat, 31 May 2008 20:17:42 PDT torrents and paths
of rain-drenched soil
stretching forth like
an icy curtain forward
toward the blackened sky

there is nothing before me
trees like withered hands do reach
touching the dewed sky

Embroidered clouds with moonlight dance
sparkling eyes and hands
pass through stars and
days of thunder,
lighting is plain
shattering dreams
like glass against the heavens

********
Untitled
Breath slow with honeyed laughter
echoes to me across
an expanse of dimly lit trees

I wan to follow
my hands I put forth, touching the cold
and solid air before me
stars with liquid beauty shine
their light caresses me
and I shiver

breath slow with honeyed laughter
echoes to me acorss
an exampse of dimly lit trees
I wish to see

My breath comes rapidly
the joy is distant
I cannot feel my hands
to touch the cold
and brilliant waves of
sound
clouds float ove rme
the nigth has faded
my ghosts have gone
back into the etheral night
of a darkened hell

*************
Little Bird

forlorn bird crying in the night
don't listen to the wind
and its misgivings
I've never heard something
as beautiful
as the sound of your song

cold clashing faces and
eyes that burn with fire
little bird, don't be afraid.

This darkness is not a foe
arms guiding you home
for all your strife
you are loved.

sing to hearts content, little bird
for you are safe tonight
in fire light, dancing smoke and ember
I have loved you more than you can remember
cry no so, little bird

I love you so, please
little bird
its time to let go.

sleep is coming on a wave
of silken dreams
peace, little bird
your songs are safe with me

your mind is colorful
weaving dreams of terrific intesnity
sleep little bird
there is nothing left for you're eyes to see

Silence little bird
your songs are ended.
*************
untitled
the little shadowded panes
of softly drifting
shadows
caressed those lines
those little lines
of dream-riddled
darkness on your face
tears like rivers run
rolling down
my fingers wanted to touch
to wipe them away
and draw you into a warmth
and darkness
where you could vanish
and draw yourself away
*********
untitled
how well
thou heart
shall know
purest silken dreams
from undersea
ere long the tides flow
go, break your bitter spell
loves sweet devotions
its scarlet emotions
and dreams do tell
great gentle heart
lose not your simplicity
my eyes are withered
your faded leaves fall
glittering with guilt
fly to that sea
far away
where I and you have leave
to stay
here with broken hearts
emblazoned embers
how well burning silence sunders
**********
yeah that's enough... I can't stand anymore of it. lol.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18343887/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18343887/ Thu, 15 May 2008 21:32:58 PDT the heartless hearing
the feeling
tearing you apart

how do you say
to someone
that life is over
that dreams can't fix
what death takes in tricks

what do you say to death
how do you reason with eternity
To ask for time back
to turn everything around

I can't do it
not anymore
I can't speak

how can I believe
in life
when life leaves me

I wish to fall
like those before
I wish to displace
the letters of my name

make me sane
make me whole
make me myself again

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18094945/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/18094945/ Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:06 PDT deprived of illumination
I am withered
I am pale, slithering

if this is living
then I am undead
glistening diamonds
showered with night

cascaded sands pull
rivers chasing my feet
I can't escape this

deepest despair
you are cruel
ever changing
never fulfilled
I can't know

if this is living
then I am hollow
shedding my fear
sorrow spilling from
my feet

I can't escape this
time a friend
cruel mockery of
life

things never stay
the places we lay
the happy heart of you
the darkness all powerful

deepest desire
o flame of my pyre!
tease me not with lies
I want the real thing
I want truth

if this is living
who am I kidding?
to see, but not see
to feel, but not feel
I am the empty shell
cascading the sounds
of your heartbeart
transcending thought
and crashing silent ocean waves
against the inner beauty
of your mind

if this is living, who am I kidding?
deepest darkness desire me.

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/17993673/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/17993673/ Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:28:14 PDT Backward glances
star cascading darkness
you can't see me

I linger
a loathing shadow
full of seeping sickness
breathe me and despair

I feel your breath
waves of the ocean caress
nothing replaces you

Sullen silence sunders
apart time
places we decide
to reside

our houses
our bodies
we are dust
tiny motes of dust
cast against the fabric
of the everafter

I gave you nothing
I took everything
I should have done something
I should have prayed

I can't undo time
what its bizarre twists become
where your face is now
underground

where your soul is now
all around

I can't touch you
sullen silence shatters
the air of the field

Green grass grows
covering the hole
the empty thing underground

the shell of you
what is there now
what can there be?

how do you go on
how do you live

when all around you fades
from ashes to ashes
and dust to dust

]]> ~thesolarwinds http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/17718239/ http://thesolarwinds.deviantart.com/journal/17718239/ Sun, 06 Apr 2008 15:35:06 PDT


Sparks shiver
sending sunshine
up my spine
to give it a word
lips to lips
like silent fish
we dip

I could say
the things that they
always do
but no words
express my
feelings toward you

an overwhelming sensation
like staring at the sun
engages me
when you are near
my night to you the moon
the differences in between
us
it amazes me

your fingers like feathers
almost afraid to touch
the darkness around me

I am afraid
afraid of feeling
the intensity of your light
the dreams you inspire
the fire that surrounds you

I wish to capture a bit of your spark
the heart
the driving force
your eyes they play
against your face
I am afraid to gaze
so far within you

incapable of expressing
how much I long to hold
to caress
and encase
your mistakes
you perfect
the ways I break

you are eternal
the sea to shore
the light you reflect
blinds me
making me close my eyes
against your beauty

]]> ~thesolarwinds