http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:tobiahr&section=today deviantART RSS for by:tobiahr en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:02:07 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/27574072/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/27574072/ Sun, 04 Oct 2009 08:53:54 PDT a lot has happened since then. gf moved in with me in my apt in austin,i bought a house and am now living there (still with the same gf)hard to believe its been 4 years since we met. seems like it was yesterday and forever at the same time. i seem to be becoming a recluse. not sure if its a bad thing or not. i just don't want us to turn into the the crazy couple that yells at kids to "get the hell out of my yard". i do need to make some friends though. someone to share with other than my gf. not that she isn't great but when we disagree or argue i have nowhere and no one to turn to. most of the people i still call my friends live over an hour away and i haven't really kept in touch. its my own fault so i hope this doesn't come off as complaining about it, i just don't know what to do about it.
i'll make an effort to write here more often...no really i will....seriously (once a year would be more often)

]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/12311928/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/12311928/ Sat, 24 Mar 2007 16:00:28 PDT
]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/9466217/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/9466217/ Sun, 23 Jul 2006 09:04:24 PDT the year went by really fast...still with the girl i was talking about in previous posts..lost my house and relocated to austin....and just kinda stopped everything else.
i'm goint to spend the next week or so reading all the stuff i missed here, check all the new deviations and think about what i'm going to do here from now on
o and to anyone coming here from the heatwave i'll be posting those on the 25th of july ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6579739/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6579739/ Fri, 23 Sep 2005 08:15:04 PDT sisters evacuated from galveston/dickenson staying with mom. no worries there. other than i'm now expected to go pay a visit. might get my girlfriend to go with. so i'm cool
things are going great with my girlfriend. yep girlfriend. she said it first. so i'm cool.
work staying the same. stupid people that dont know they're stupid argueing that they know what they're doing. had to reassure someone 3 times that you need a wireless card to connect wirelessly. but it could be worse...so i'm cool
life in general...i'm cool ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6386844/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6386844/ Thu, 01 Sep 2005 10:39:32 PDT why do i do these things to myself. i tell myself not to then do it anyway. i wish i would listen sometimes. i want to dissappear for 6 months, reappear and start over. i don't think it would make a difference. patience...wish i had more.
i'm alone again. my roommate won't speak to me. need to watch what i'm saying. something meant as a joke wasn't taken that way. never thought i could fell worse than living alone until now. living with someone that won't speak to you is worse.
the girl i met is still around. didn't quite scare her off, yet, i seem to still be working on that. i knew she wasn't ready when i went and i keep asking for more than she can give. i wish i would listen to myself. she's still the coolest person i think i've ever met. she helped me to open up a part of me thats been shut off for a very long time. feels weird. hurts. i'll live thru. always do.

i just hope they both can forgive me. be patient with me.

thinking of my daughters more lately. i miss them so much. i fucked up so bad when i didn't fight for them. in my entire life that is the one thing i truly regret. maybe they will understand someday.

and then there's my wife. soon to be ex. filing the paperwork next week. divorce. god i'm such a loser. i wish i could start again. not with this wife. but the first. i wont say i wouldn't do it again because my daughters are the best thing to ever happened to me and i wouldn't trade that for the world. but i would make it work. somehow. no i couldn't then and can't now. serenity to accept the things i cannot change. funny how those words come back to haunt me.

someone posted recently in their journal about people googleing "i am lonely"...made me think. so many people. how can we all feel so alone. still working on that one. if you figure it out let me and the rest of the world in on it.

anyway, thanks for listening ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6341482/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6341482/ Sat, 27 Aug 2005 10:24:33 PDT Going over there Wednesday I was all ready to spend the day with her, get to know her better, maybe meet her kid, and go home. Friday night when I got home...I’m still not really sure what happened. And I’m scared shitless. I know that was too fast.
I feel comfortable around her. We have a lot in common. But we are both unsure of ourselves. At least I know I am. I don't know if I should trust my feelings. Are they real? Well of course they're real. But are they amplified because it’s been so long since I’ve felt positive feelings? And here she is trying to settle in a new town, get herself comfortable with herself and the tornado that I am comes blowing thru. I just can only hope I didn't scare her to much. I really think this could be something special, I just need to learn to contain myself. I’m kinda like the kid that goes rushing into the woods full speed finally stops to catch his breath and realizes he has no idea where he is at. I think I know where I’m at, but I have no idea how I got here or if she’s here with me. And I’m scared shitless.
She’s really cool, and her son was great. He’s way too smart for his age and I think he knows it. And he sees everything, I mean everything. Probably even stuff we didn’t even see.
I’m still happy beyond belief. My weekend was wonderful. I really don’t think it could have been better. Think about it…I basically went on a 54 hour road trip with someone on the first date. And it went well. I’m amazed, especially knowing now how tired we both were by Friday afternoon and how cranky I was then. I wanted to play bumper cars with most of the idiots on the way home. I wouldn’t trade this weekend for anything.

Ok well enough of this “happy, happy, joy, joy” journal. I’ll try not to inundate you with all the sugary details in the future.
But I do hope everyone reading this can find at least half of the happiness I have had this weekend.
Thanks for listening. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6288461/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6288461/ Sun, 21 Aug 2005 13:52:26 PDT i've been reading my past journals and realized i've been scared shitless that i was never going to meet anyone ever again, let alone someone i would have anything in common with. i know ..pretty stupid, but hey hindsight and all that.
technically i've met lots of women since my wife left. not a lot of them did i have anything in common with other than we both were looking for someone. a few i did have something in common with, we chatted for a while and .....
nothing, but thats ok, i met someone. each time i met someone. i'm not alone in this world. i may never meet my "soulmate" but i will find someone that i love and who loves me. hopefully they will be the same person.
time....that's all its going to take












what?.......








ok, i'll tell you. i met a wonderful girl online. we share some common interests, veiwpoints on life, religion, ...ok we haven't made it much past those two. she's beautiful, funny, and makes me smile. maybe i'll introduce you to her soon. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6148873/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6148873/ Sat, 06 Aug 2005 09:45:51 PDT
my roommate is driving me crazy, literally. she's in a commited relationship and isn't going to fool around and i respect that. but that doesn't keep me from being physically attracted to her. what is driving me crazy is trying to control myself and not be a complete horndog. i'm not used to having a roommate that i want to sleep with and cant. i guarantee that i won't have another one. roommate i want to sleep with that is.

my family are all concerned about me even having a roommate of the opposite sex. they are all convinced that i might be taken advantage of. ok thats cool that they care about me but to quote bernie mac (i think) " i'm a grown ass man" if she takes advantage of me it will be my own fault. i don't know.

and finally to revisit a recurring theme in my journal...where do i meet women?
maybe i should clarify for those who don't know me. i can meet lots of women, carry on a conversation with them, chat with them online, ect. but when it comes to meeting someone with common interests, beliefs, compatable personality, or locale i'm stuck. i've tried the online dating site with no luck so far. i just am so out of the dating scene i don't even know how to start. it's ok...i'm sure i'll meet someone.
i just hope its before i'm senile.

as always, thanks for listening ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6097826/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6097826/ Mon, 01 Aug 2005 06:31:15 PDT
Artist: A Perfect Circle Lyrics
Song: Three Libras Lyrics



threw you the obvious
and you flew with it on your back,
a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit
disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious
and you don't
see
me.
but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind
the eyes of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.
but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't
see
me.
you don't see me at all. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6046534/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6046534/ Wed, 27 Jul 2005 07:40:44 PDT ok maybe the user had something to do with it. i'll post the rest later.

got a friend living with me now. maybe that will help with the depression. at least i have someone to talk to other than myself.

if you know anyone who does photojournalism for a living (or at least suplementary income) please encourage them to visit my gallery and critique my new work. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6006743/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/6006743/ Fri, 22 Jul 2005 17:35:16 PDT if anyone wants to chat i'm on alot of the time. i'll try and not be a jerk. i work online so...

oh yeah
one last thing
moonchild67 where the hell are you? ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5945771/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5945771/ Fri, 15 Jul 2005 20:35:18 PDT any tips on doing this will be appreciated.
i've gone to many years just coasting. no focus. no real plan. just here. doing nothing really.
i try to make life happen and i seem to fuck it up. i don't seem to be able to ... ok lets just say i'm a social retard. i'm very smart when it comes to logic, but most people aren't logical. especially members of the opposite sex. i either come on way to strong and come across as an ass or i come across as to nice and possibly gay. i dont know. i guess thats the real problem...i dont know. i've tried the cocky/funny guide to picking up girls but i'm not cocky/funny. so after picking them up i cant keep the relationship. maybe i'm just too weird. maybe i need to go out more.
but where? where do i meet people as odd as me?
i don't go anywhere so neither would they. heh.
online dating/chat rooms? ok, tell me, am i a guy or a girl? see my point.
ok maybe its not that bad but people are just as fake online as in real life.
i don't know. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5880783/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5880783/ Fri, 08 Jul 2005 20:49:49 PDT
Mood: depressed
Listening to: colorful - verve pipe

First I wanted to thank all 7 of you who may be reading this and the couple who may get it.
Second I need to apologize to my friend. I know I've been rather pushy and I am truly sorry.

I am feeling more alone tonight than I ever have. My friend had to go out of town for the weekend and my other friend is ?
Yep, you got it, I have 2 friends. I don't even have to worry about hurting anyones feelings by saying that because there are really only 2 and they are both going to read this.
I dont know how this happened. I woke up one morning and no one was there. Not just beside me, but in my life. I don't really understand.
I interact with people but I don't think they see me as I see me. Am I really that weird? I don't think I am. I feel as alone as I did in high school. Only difference is in high school I could get stonned with people and pretend they were my friends. I don't get stoned now....
I meet so many people and I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
someone talk to me.

even if its only to tell me to fuck myself

]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5849045/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5849045/ Wed, 06 Jul 2005 17:22:11 PDT
if anyone would like to see the burst pics posted let me know....if you saw enough on the 4th tell me that too

ok all the pics i thought were even worth looking at are in my scraps
let me know what you think ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5827830/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5827830/ Sun, 03 Jul 2005 09:32:27 PDT ) ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5706456/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5706456/ Mon, 20 Jun 2005 17:04:20 PDT ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5570083/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5570083/ Mon, 06 Jun 2005 12:35:31 PDT as opposed to the life changes that have recently occured that i had no direct effect on

i'm going to get into shape...i know this will be difficult but i am actually already well into this change, i've already changed my normal diet and am now commited to a semi daily workout

i am going to regain/find a focus in my life...this one is going to be the hardest. i'm way to eclectic for my own good. i've never been able to stick with one thing.
any free advice/counseling on this would be appreciated.

i'm still thinking about the rest, just thought by putting these down for the world to see would help me commit fully to them......thanks for listening ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5538100/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5538100/ Fri, 03 Jun 2005 00:14:14 PDT sorry just a bad mood today.
maybe tommorow..................... ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5513695/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5513695/ Tue, 31 May 2005 16:41:57 PDT who do i really want to be with? or do i even want to be with anyone?
still feels weird sleeping alone. being in the house alone. the only other times she wasn't there at least i still had the two cats for company. watched Hildago last night(it was ok). funny thing is i know it would have been better if i watched it with someone else. i've forgotten how to be alone. i've forgotten who i am. how can i find someone to share with when i don't know what i like? all i want is to share experiences with someone else.

i'm afraid.

i'm afraid of being alone.

i'm afraid of never meeting my soulmate.

i'm afraid i might have met them already and didn't know it.

i'm afraid...

i guess i'm not ok ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5423901/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5423901/ Sat, 21 May 2005 19:47:41 PDT Not like it was a suprise or anything, just kinda sudden. We had been having problems for about a year and a half and we both just kinda snapped.
Not anything tremedously bad..just yelling and stuff. I'm kinda bummed out about it and kinda relieved at the same time. My friends have been really cool about it, asked if I would like to goto the beach camping with them. Don't think I should go...not that i wouldn't like to..just dont know.
How long should you wait before seeing other/new people?

Ok truth is the whole thing really sucks...the house is empty, i really miss her. but I think its best this happened now. i'm just being selfish and wanting me happy.
anyway thanks for listening. ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5090413/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5090413/ Thu, 14 Apr 2005 19:55:40 PDT It's beautiful when the lightning flashes illuminates the cloudscape breifly, showing a unique viewpoint each time, a different sceen. I need to learn how to capture this.

Is it just me or does anyone else think wet cedar trees smell vaugely like cat urine?

1 1/2 hour commutes give you time to think about all sorts of stuff. (note to self: get a small voice recorder so you can remember what the epiphany was)

i'm still debating on how much to put in here. should i use this to vent, keep it limited to art, open up my innermost thought and ideas(some pretty scary sh*t in that catagory). if anyone happens to read this you thought would be welcome.



how can i be so alone in a crowded room? ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5060158/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5060158/ Mon, 11 Apr 2005 12:15:06 PDT sh*t happens, use it to fertilize you flower garden

somehow flirting now makes you a dirty old man or woman

what the hell happened to my hair, body, memory?...

you feel pain where you didn't know there where nerve endings

you see the younger generation and want to scream "NO, DON'T DO THAT! IT DOESN'T WORK THE WAY YOU THINK IT DOES." but realize you never believed it when you were younger

you realize just how short your life is...and how much of it you've already wasted ]]> ~tobiahr http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5058509/ http://tobiahr.deviantart.com/journal/5058509/ Mon, 11 Apr 2005 08:10:03 PDT It's beautiful when the lightning flashes illuminates the cloudscape breifly, showing a unique viewpoint each time, a different sceen. I need to learn how to capture this.

Is it just me or does anyone else think wet cedar trees smell vaugely like cat urine?

1 1/2 hour commutes give you time to think about all sorts of stuff. (note to self: get a small voice recorder so you can remember what the epiphany was)

i'm still debating on how much to put in here. should i use this to vent, keep it limited to art, open up my innermost thought and ideas(some pretty scary sh*t in that catagory). if anyone happens to read this you thought would be welcome.



how can i be so alone in a crowded room? ]]> ~tobiahr