http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:undefinability&section=today deviantART RSS for by:undefinability en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sat, 26 Dec 2009 17:12:41 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3857980/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3857980/ Wed, 17 Nov 2004 14:28:58 PST there is no cold weather,
it has all washed away with my excitement. It is the middle of bloody November, and the only snow we have gotten this year was that speck I told you about back in October. That is all, nothing else. The weather's been in the fifties since then, nothing lower, and the lows haven't been any better.

This is great. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3718138/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3718138/ Sun, 31 Oct 2004 16:09:00 PST lie, cheat, and steal."
- Intolerance by Tool.
- - -

I was listening to music around eleven-thirty this morning, reading Fevre Dream by George R.R. Martin, when I felt a cold chill coming from my window, which is still open from the summer. I stopped the discman, put down the book, and walked up to where the breeze was coming from, and guess what I saw. . .
Snow.
Fuckin' snow, that's what. And not little flakes that are barely viewable, but big fucking snowflakes that cover your cheeks by just landing on them. Now, you others may get better snow by Halloween, but here in Utah, we're not used to this sort of shit. Last year, it snowed on Halloween, but nowhere near as good as this, so you can imagine my amazement.
I was downstairs at the time, boxers and shirt, barefoot, when I ran outside to feel it, and let me tell you, nothing ever felt so great. I've been waiting since March for this, and now that it's hear, I can't breathe - well, couldn't breathe, rather, but you get the idea.
Now it's time for winter.

Bitchin'. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3660564/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3660564/ Sun, 24 Oct 2004 04:21:00 PDT [link]
---
Go there, and you'll find it interesting.
Please, don't be shy - tell the deviant your precise thoughts, inward as well as out. She loves critiques. As a matter of fact, someone told on me ( [link]), and called me a naughty little girl.

Someone spank me. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3612010/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3612010/ Sun, 17 Oct 2004 15:15:46 PDT !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3554421/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3554421/ Sun, 10 Oct 2004 02:57:42 PDT - Ticks and Leeches by Tool, their best.

Dream Theater's Live at Budokan is unbelievable. The third time I got chills listening to Labrie's vocals, and that's two less than Keenan's (you know my passion for Tool). Stream of Consciousness, just as I thought, was amazing. It's by far better live than it is original, really 'cause the audience helped at first with clapping in unison. I still wish they would've played more older works instead of Train of Thought bullshit, but like I said before, I have enough of that with Live Scenes From New York, which I think is still better. A Change of Seasons, I wish, was there, but nope.
The Instrumedely track is sensational, almost beats Stream of Consciousness but not. It's really a mixture of a bunch of their previous work, kind of like Overture 1928 on Scenes From a Memory that focuses on different parts from the album, but bigger.
It's great, get it. If anyone has SoulSeek, you're more than welcome to it, just look me up. The name's undefinability.

Again, get this performance. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3476080/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3476080/ Wed, 29 Sep 2004 19:49:14 PDT I'm sure I'll know half of them, but I just need something to go on.

thx ^_^
---
Oh, and here's mine if you're interested:

Tool (A Perfect Circle correlates with them),
Dream Theater,
Metallica,
Godspeed You! Black Emperor,
and The Mars Volta. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3403369/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3403369/ Mon, 20 Sep 2004 00:24:58 PDT there must be the third and last dance,
this one will last forever -
Metropolis watches and thoughtfully smiles,
she's taken you to your home."
- Metropolis: Part I - The Miracle and The Sleeper by Dream Theater.

This news compelled me to create a journal entry (WARNING: non-Dream Theater fans won't really care):
All right, Dream Theater's releasing a new live 3-cd set, or 2-dvd, Live at Budokan, which is scheduled to release October 5th.
"The 2-DVD set features Dream Theater's concert recorded on April 26th, 2004, at the Budokan in Tokyo, Japan. Disc 1 has the complete live concert. Disc 2 is packed with special features including a Japanese tour documentary, the drum solo from Osaka, tours of Guitar World and Keyboard World by John and Jordan, the tour opening video and a multiangle version of 'Instrumedley,'" says the website ( [link]).

Here's a list of the tracks:
As I am,
This Dying Soul,
Beyond This Life,
Hollow Years,
War Inside My Head,
The Test that Stumped Them All,
Endless Sacrifice,
Instrumedly,
Trial of Tears,
New Millennium,
Keyboard Solo,
Only a Matter of Time,
Goodnight Kiss,
Solitary Shell,
Stream of Consciousness,
Disappear,
Pull Me Under,
and In the Name of God.
- Personally, I wish they would have added more to their older albums, but I got enough of that with Live Scenes From New York. Stream of Consciousness, alone, will be worth this set (you have no fucking idea how long I have slaved over downloading programs to find a decent show of Stream of Consciousness live, and every time has ended in failure). The two tracks I really wish they had are Take the Time and A Change of Seasons (you can never get enough of the latter original or live), but I'm pleased with what's on there.
That's all, I guess. For more information, check out the link at the beginning of this entry, and you can pre-order the set yourself.
This is going to fucking rock. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3289517/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/3289517/ Sun, 05 Sep 2004 00:56:29 PDT It feels kind of weird writing a journal right now, seeing as how one hasn't been written since July, but I figured I might as well give it a shot.

I have great news: I'm finally over this burden. Obviously, I want to view and read certain deviants' art, itt's just not really a biting urge I have to go through anymore. So, even with the Internet access I have right now, you still might not see much of me.
Which is much, 'cause you all know I really did nothing productive and helped any with my critiques. If, by some miracle from God (ha!) you see me comment on your work, know that your work is worth it, else why would I comment?

Yeah, thanks for reading, I guess. And I apologize if this journal isn't what you wanted, but it's done.

And listen to A Change of Seasons by Dream Theater, original or live. It's worth your time, believe me. It's a great song, everything about it defines fucking perfection. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2967917/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2967917/ Sun, 25 Jul 2004 21:54:03 PDT
See you around. ^_^
(This time it's mandatory, Internet's moving away.)

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2901957/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2901957/ Sat, 17 Jul 2004 13:07:01 PDT If his obsession's real,
suppression that he feels must turn to hope.

Life is no more assuring than love."

I've been up for the past two nights until 7am, searching and downloading for live Dream Theater shows. Right now, I sit at four shows, and they all have incredible sound integrity. This band is magnificent, you know.
But I am fucking tired.
---
We come back to musical recommendations - go.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2856949/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2856949/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 19:22:23 PDT summerglow's journal.

A lot of this may seem familiar, particularly the end.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Jason.
2. Jay.
3. Diabetic.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I know how to read,
2. I can listen to people,
3. and I absolutely love the cold.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I'm stubborn,
2. I hate that I hate Rap music (ha, yeah),
3. and I'm honest.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. How so many deviants on here are both equally conceited and ignorant.
2. Why others care whether or not anyone else smokes - stupid or not, that's why there are individual choices.
3. I do not understand distance, and why it hates everyone.

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. Blatant ignorance.
2. Religion.
3. Heat; the sun.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Daylight, because I'm gothic.
2. Mormon mutiny.
3. Chain-link fences.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music,
2. literature,
3. and masturbation.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
- These are really my favorite songs of all time.
1. Ticks and Leeches, and The Grudge by Tool, and Third Eye and No Quarter. And Disposition is good, and The Patient. Oh, and also Pushit and Opiate. Swamp Song and Undertow are pretty good, too.
2. Severed, Skrying, (Per)version of a Truth, Death Blooms, -1, and Trapped in the Wake of a Dream by Mudvayne.
3. A Change of Seasons, Home, Take the Time, The Spirit Carries On, and Stream of Consciousness by Dream Theater.

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
1. Nathan.
2. Chris.
3. My discman.

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
1. Pray,
2. love felines,
3. or eat onions.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading, obviously.
2. Listening to music while on a walk (preferably in the cold - snow, rain, wind, whatever), or otherwise. I'm always listening to something.
3. Debating shitloads of topics.

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE:
1. A drumset,
2. a hole to read in,
3. and my diploma.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. A teacher,
2. psychiatry,
3. or a hit man.

THREE COLORS YOU LIKE:
1. Midnight blue.
2. Indecisive.
3. Green.

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. Newfoundland.
2. Hong Kong.
3. Aye, the sea.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST DID TODAY:
1. Woke up,
2. fed the dogs,
3. and watched Robin Hood - at least some of it.

Actually, the rest can be found here:
[link]

Again, and hopefully for the last time, but probably not, it's your turn.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2821221/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2821221/ Tue, 06 Jul 2004 22:06:11 PDT
If you want me to read any of your new work, note me the link, and I'll do my best, otherwise, your piece will probably be deleted.
I have no idea when and if I'll be back, though I'm sure it won't be long. I just need to find a few things.

Thank you all for the kindness you've shown to help form me into something.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2784253/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2784253/ Thu, 01 Jul 2004 23:34:35 PDT . . satan, satan, satan. . .
I had a friend once, he took some ecstasy - tried to marry me and everyone in the room. He was sort of loving, kinda caring, kinda tried to fuck my lazy boy. It got a bit messy all over the curtains, arm chair covers, throw pillows, and carpeting.
. . . satan, satan, satan. .
I'm getting bored again. . ."
---
Okay, well today is the day. ]
The day to celebrate a certain birth; a birth that would most certainly prefer to be left alone; a birth that would love nothing else than to sleep for twenty-four hours, but since that birth - birth being a metaphor, obviously - don't want anyone to get confused - cannot have that, it must sit through the whole day and wait.
And wait, wait, wait for the song.

Thanks for reading, too.
Let us all pray to be through with this day soon.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2730436/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2730436/ Thu, 24 Jun 2004 21:17:46 PDT
My job started (technically) last Friday, where was trained to do everything, and my hours are 1pm-10pm (usually) on Friday and Saturday nights, eventually moving to Thursday sometime soon, though I don't know exactly when.
This week I'm only working Saturday because Marcus, my trainer, who was supposed to be gone last week, decided to start working again, so my hours were cut (that's why I have this bogus shift now). So I'm working two days a week, and I get my first paycheck - already gone - this Tuesday.

It's fun, and everyone's pretty cool about my fuckups, and the cooler where I stock everything is unbelievable.
I love that place.

Those of you who are currently (or have been) employed, what was your first week or two like? How many times, and how severe, did you fuck up?

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2685048/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2685048/ Thu, 17 Jun 2004 19:16:42 PDT - - -
I HAVE A SURVEY, TOO!
- - -
Okay, my job's finally set.
I ran into her last night, and she explained that she lost my application and all, and that I can start Saturday if I was still interested. Obviously I accepted, and I start Saturday.
The only worry I have is whether or not I'll work weekdays, also. Right now, I think I'm working weekends, but I'll talk to her tomorrow when I "learn the ropes." At least I'm not sitting at home anymore, eh?
- - -
Now, this is a survey. A friend of mine at another board posted it, and I liked it enough to put it here.
Everyone do this.

1) Using band names, spell out your name
Judas Priest.
A Perfect Circle.
Stone Sour.
Offspring, The ().
Nirvana.
2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Not that I know of, but I happen to think Ticks and Leeches by Tool characterizes me fairly well.
3) What song makes you cry?
To Live is To Die by Metallica (not really, but given its meaning, the song really represents a lot musically and emotionally).
4) What song makes you happy?
(Per)version of a Truth by Mudvayne, I guess.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed?
Classical, usually.

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 6'1, at least in February.
HAIR COLOR: Brown-ish.
SKIN COLOR: Paler than most here.
EYE COLOR: Browner-ish.
PIERCINGS: Nothing yet.
TATTOOS: None that I know of.

r i g h t - n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Blue, and they're shorts.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO OR WATCHING?: The Noose by A Perfect Circle
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Citrus.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Fuckin' cloudy, yeah, but it won't rain. It never rains.
HOW ARE YOU? Haha, fuck off.

d o - y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Not yet.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Diabetes.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: One, yes, but the other's in Vegas, and one is only a step-on parent, so yeah.

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: Seinfeld or Family Guy.
CONDITIONER: The white bottle.
MAGAZINE: Guitar Center, if anything.
SODA: Diet Mountain Dew, as always.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Read and listen to music, or if it's stormy (really stormy), go on a very long walk.

h a v e - y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: Why?
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Yes, for the attention.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Never really had to, no one's ever home.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: In the bathtub.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: To my own house.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: On my brother
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Fat chance, ha.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: So I could watch Mash.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Skinny dipping's too exciting, I never fall asleep.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Romeo and Juliet, sixth grade. I was Benvolio, and I ruled ass.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Vent, yes, but they didn't cry.
EVER HAD A MAJOR REGRET: Diabetes, but "it wasn't my fault." Such bullshit.

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Hahaha. Yes.
GIRLFRIEND: Ha, ha, ha. Yes.
CHILDREN: Only one.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Define that, and I'll get back to you.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: No, she made it pretty easy.
BEEN HURT?: Pretty bad, too.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET? I already told you diabetes, thanks for bringing it up again, asshole.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR 3 DAYS: So exact, wow. Three days? No.

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Starting this fucking Saturday, yeah. Finally.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Thirteenth Step by A Perfect Circle.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Momma's Bitch.
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Crayola.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: Crayon salesman.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Probably The Beginning of All Things to End by Mudvayne.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: People who shut the fuck up during a movie.

w h e n / w h a t - w a s - t h e - l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: When I didn't receive a valentine in fourth grade.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER? !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2654442/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2654442/ Mon, 14 Jun 2004 13:30:28 PDT Do you remember the bedroom - was it your cell or was it your tomb?"
- - -
I need a new camera.
- - -
I want everyone to tell me their favorite lyric from a song - not the WHOLE song, just a scrap of it - a single line. . . well, if you must, it could be a sentence or two - not a complete chorus, please, but if your favorite lyric is two sentences, fair enough.

Mine is this:
"Remember I will always love you as I claw your fucking throat away."
- Pushit by Tool,

thank you.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2632735/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2632735/ Thu, 10 Jun 2004 22:56:37 PDT (Per)version of a Truth by Mudvayne, just like it says above. For now on, just look right there, please.

(This journal is dedicated to * crimsonlarko.)

I'm a little angry, to say the least. It's not like I walked up to her and asked for a job, or that I asked her for an application to fill out for safety reasons. I was offered the job, and she asked me to fill out the application. Now, please tell me, why the fuck would you have someone go through all that if you had no intention on hiring them? I've tried to contact them, tried to catch her while she's working, but nothing's happened.
So, as I sit here and type (again), I can't help but ponder my future months of laziness. And I can't help but worry I'll commit myself to that laziness and never actually find anything to do, and so when September (late August, really) rolls around, I'll go back to school and do nothing once more.
In conclusion, I need a fucking job.
- - -
On a lighter note, I killed two raccoons the other day.
We (my brother and I) spent two hours trying to persuade them into the cage (we intended to take them down by the lake, or at least the road, and drop 'em off), and one was already suffering as it is. After the second hour of fumbling and pushing with pipes, they still wouldn't budge. I think he called the police, and they said they hadn't the time to waste, and if we had to, we should use any means necessary, which basically meant they didn't give two shits what we did or how we handled it. And I was getting bored because I preferred to be doing something else like trying to get a rocket launcher I'll never accomplish by conquering a fucking game in less than three hours.
Finally, they started toward the cage, and we got a little excited. But then, the wounded one (courtesy of a cowardly vehicle) stopped in its steps, looked at us, and began to let off a sort of hissing that only got louder every time we tried something. His brother, obviously the younger, inexperienced one out of the two, dropped and did the same thing. That's when my patience ran thin.
I had the shovel in hand, and was about to strike before they struck first. The gimp stayed there, but his younger brother pushed forward and almost attacked my shoe - that was when it got personal. I jumped to the side of him, and clocked him in the face with the flat end of the shovel, which of course knocked him unconscious. When his injured brother saw the scene, he rushed me, and I kind of felt bad. Here I am striking on innocent animals that are only defending themselves. Without a thought, though, I clocked him just as quickly, but the blow struck too hard and killed him. We weren't just going drop the one raccoon off in the middle of nowhere without his brother, so I killed the other one out of kindness. I know how he'd feel.
And so it's over. They were a hazard, and there was nothing left to do. I can't help but feel a bit bad about it, though. Those who understand, you can share the sentiment, and those that don't, hopefully you never will.
- - -
It rained yesterday, bad enough for me to wanted to cry.
I only enjoyed it during the day, and it started to get heavier by night. Mid-afternoon was good, and I enjoyed walking for about an hour, and it felt greater than ninety degree weather fucking with us all, so I have to give nature some appreciation.
Tomorrow, it's looking back up, though. I think the storm's over with, and soon we'll have more sunny weather to grace our day.

God, I can't wait until winter.
Also, I ran into a friend today, someone I haven't seen for months. His name is Alex, and he went to my school with me for the last few weeks of the third term. He was talking about how much he loved summer back then, and how much he couldn't wait for this heat; how much he really despised the cold and everything about it.
Today, he was telling me how unbearable it is now. He misses the winter, the snow and the cold weather. And I told him my feet itched, and I felt like throwing someone over a bridge.
He asked who I wanted to throw over a bridge, and I replied, "Don't ask."
You can imagine how much I hate that type, but I love their hypocritical words escaping their mouth every second.

I'm leaving now because I'm tired and bored, and quite frankly I probably made up all this shit about raccoons and weather and rain, I don't even know anymore.
Have a nice night.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2546582/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2546582/ Sun, 30 May 2004 22:35:27 PDT Here's () to one more, I suppose.

Also, will the owner of the red Honda Civic please remove his vehicle from my fucking driveway?

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2517348/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2517348/ Wed, 26 May 2004 23:45:45 PDT - A Change of Seasons by Dream Theater.

Okay, before I start this entry, I want to finish the title of my book:

Band of Brothers: E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne From Normandy to Hitler's Eagle's Nest by Stephen E. Ambrose.
I just picked up the book today after hearing that the television series was based on Ambrose's piece, and haven't had the change to get very far. What I've read, I can tell it will be as great as the series. I'm already liking Ambrose's way of writing, so anyone interested in non-fictional war stories, definitely consider this.
And while you're at it, get the series of Band of Brothers that was on HBO. It's another great ten-hour series.

And before I continue, I want you all to view two things:

[link] [WARNING; this one is not meant to be seen if any cat lovers happen to be reading. But it's a great one, nonetheless. Just a bit disturbing.]
[link] [Everyone'll love this.]

All right, moving on.
This past week has been quite hectic, from school to occupational disconcertion. I know I have the job, but I'm still unsure of my whole working hour situation. It'll get settled when the lady decides to call me about it, but still, I can't help but worry about it. And then, Natasha, you'll get your dough. Also, I've been struggling to get a few more credits passed off for the year, and I was going to take Psychology for the month, but I don't know how long the course is, and I don't want to risk not finishing. By the time I come back next year, I'll have everything forgotten while I'm still in the middle of the course, so it's not worth it. Yeah, I'll figure something out.
Something happened to me today, but it wasn't too important and worth sharing. It did involve the Chinese, though, and it was pretty funny. What the hell - okay, my brother and I were trying out this new Chinese place that opened up about a month ago, and while we were inside, the cashier started yelling for someone in the back. It started out as a casual beckoning, but it was in Chinese, and I doubt anyone in the restaurant understood any of it besides the workers, who coincidentally were all Chinese.
So we're enjoying our meal, talking about work and a camp out we might go on in three weeks, when this guy's voice started to get louder. Before long, he was actually shouting into the microphone. Keep in mind, all this was in Chinese, and you can imagine the guy's expression. He began shouting through the microphone, turning around and shouting louder back behind the wall, wanting someone (probably the manager). Finally, the guy he wanted comes out, and they start arguing. And about ten seconds later, they both start shouting at each other, back and forth Chinese, and it was the funniest thing that happened before my eyes for a while. These two morons who can't (or choose not to) speak English yelling at each other in Chinese - and that is the soul reason I enjoy the Chinese culture. It's not anything racial, I just love hearing them shout at each other. It brings a sort of calmness to my soul hearing a Chineseman shouting uncontrollably in that language, because really if you imagine it yourself, you can see the humor.
The guy was just funny, and his expression - God, his expression was half the reason I was laughing. Of course, I tried not to laugh, but I spat out a few sudden bursts of laughter as I held my lips shut.
Ahhh, good times. Yeah. . .


Well, that's it. Again, thanks for reading, and I hope you go to those two links I gave you. They're hilarious, and thanks again.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2451878/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2451878/ Mon, 17 May 2004 22:14:01 PDT "Basically, you'll start out cleaning and stocking everything during the day, and on the weekends we might need you a little more." Her ideas for a sandwich area excited me, and believe me, I can make some wicked sandwiches, and so the job's a definite acceptance.
"We're just starting out with this, but we hope it's a big hit," she's saying as they're re-organizing the store, "and on the weekends, we might need you from one o'clock until ten, if that's all right with you."
The rest, she said, will come natural, and my hours will vary on the weekdays. She was asking if Sunday would be a problem working (since this is a big religious state), and I said no which seemed to impress her, though I'm still wondering why.
And in the end, she gave me an application to fill out just so everything's out in the open, and she has all the information needed, but overall I'm actually anticipating this job. At first, I was skeptic because, well, there's not a lot a seventeen-year-old can do at a gas station, but now that they're opening that sandwich bullshit, I'll actually have something to do.

And The Noose is such a great song. If you don't have it, get Thirteenth Step by A Perfect Circle right now, or at least soon. This might be my favorite song on the album, and that can be perceived as blasphemy, because there's plenty of excellent tracks.

I was walking today, and I noticed a dog limping as I crossed the street from the school, near the church. The dog had three legs, and he was heading in the direction of the church parking lot (most likely to search through the dumpsters in the back). I was already across the street, walking the other way, when a bunch of kids drive by in a pickup truck, yelling at this fucking three-legged dog, whose eyes were already innocent and scared enough.
They drove about two inches away from hitting this dog, and a kid shouts, "Fuck off, mut," and another, "Gimme the other leg, Cujo!" before releasing their saliva towards the animal.
They drive off, I'm assuming, laughing and smiling and applauding each other on their acts of dumbfucking obscenities to an already beaten dog.
So, they're gone, and I'm standing there, looking behind me; looking at this dog who can barely stand on his own stare back in the direction of the hauling truck, already vanishing in the sunlight; looking through an animal's thin skin and thinner reflection, and actually get my first thought of violence for the day, but that's irrelevant.
I starting walking toward him, and believe me when I say that his expression was something so heartfelt that I thought I'd die - he quivers and cowers down as if I'm about to strike him. The sun's reflecting on his dark eyes, so he you can sense the fear, but I guess mine was worrying that he'll find his courage, think me the enemy, and defend his life. But he doesn't.
I kneel beside him, and extend my palm into his face (which only seemed funny, because I'm just shoving my hand in his face, and that may seem like a mocking to some people), and at first he stares away, and tries to get his mouth away from my hand, but he notices I have something in that palm (which convinced his perception of me), which happens to be a banana (half-eaten).
As he's eating the rest, I'm telling him how this book was (For Whom The Bell Tolls, thanks again, Joe) by Ernest Hemingway, and that I was supposed to have it up at the library two days ago, but he seemed distracted by the food.
I begin to go into depth about school, as if I've known this dog for ages and that he can actually respond, as we're heading back behind the church. Call it an act of conscience, but I couldn't leave that dog by himself, and I had plenty of time. I'm saying how I'm thinking of taking this job, and how a girl I met a month or so ago is great, though I don't think it'll work out, and I'm telling him how I don't want school to end because summer vacation only gets in the way. I hate summer, both because of the weather and there's no school, because I really do love school, whether or not I show it all the time.
And by the time we hit the dumpster, it seems like I've vented my life story to this three-legged dog, whom I've named Whiskey because his face reminded me of something referring to the word. I've told him about the dilemma between me and this girl, how I don't want much to evolve because there's nothing between us besides literature, which may seem like a lot, but it's really not. I look down at up, and I only see a helpless expression th... ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2429810/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2429810/ Fri, 14 May 2004 18:52:18 PDT And I woke up sore and tired and somewhat retarded, but the rain was still there. So, Caitlin, you can't rub it in for another week or so, at least until I miss it, because the heat came back today. Not bad, but bad enough. Hopefully it rains some more tomorrow.

And tonight, if I can ever get a hold of Nathan, we might be going to Circuit City so he can get a cd. We need to stop by Media Play, though, 'cause I'll probably end up getting a book. I'm desperate for anything.

Have fun with whatever you end up doing, and do it responsibly.
. . .
()

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2362374/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2362374/ Sun, 09 May 2004 01:03:58 PDT - Lateralus by Tool, stated in the song section of this journal.

I might be getting a job again this summer, because I've been perceived as a gentleman and kind at this gas station I go. The lady who owns it has seen us go in there for our drinks, and since I was looking for a job, she openly offered it to me. So I'm going to take it.

And I'm getting a drumset next month from a friend, and I can't thank him enough. But I already have, so my appreciation's been expressed and passed, but it will never cease. Thanks again, chief.

I have nothing new to add, other than that. I know I never update this enough as it is with actual information of how I'm doing, or what I've done, or anything, but I want to let you know I'm doing good.

And anything musical or literary you have, recommend it my way.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2340946/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2340946/ Mon, 03 May 2004 19:41:17 PDT punky-o, who was kind enough to let people steal it.

LAYER ONE:
Name: Jason Ritchie.
Birthplace: Somewhere in Utah.
Gender: male
Eye Color: Brown.
Hair Color: Brown, chief.
Height: 6'1"
Righty or Lefty: Left, because I'm worth it.
Zodiac Sign: Cancer.

LAYER TWO:
Your heritage: German/Irish typish. . .
The shoes you wore today: Sneakers, have no fucking clue on the company.
Your fears: Suicide, yeah.
Your perfect meal: Chinese, topped with a fortune cookie that reads: GUESS WHAT YOU JUST ATE.
Goal you'd like to achieve: To get through with this.

LAYER THREE:
Your thoughts first waking up: Need new alarm.
Your best physical feature: Hands.
Your bedtime: Whenever I fall asleep, I guess, which is normally sometime passed two, but you know.
Your most missed memory: Age eight, playing through polluted ditches, and catching garden snakes.

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Water.
McDonald's or Burger King: Panda Express.
Single or group dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: "refer to ~punky-o's answer to this question"
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither.
Chocolate or vanilla: Strawberry.
Cappuccino or coffee: If I had to chose, coffee, but I've only had a cup, and that was in December.

LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: -1.
Cuss: Not a fucking chance, duder.
Sing: La-la-la-la-la, lalala-la-la-la-la.
Take a shower: Every other morning.
Have a crush: Only on this incredibly long fucking thing.
Do you think you've been in love: Probably not.
Want to go to college?: Yes.
Liked high school?: School, yes. High school, no.
Want to get married: No, I'm already engaged to the question below this one.
Get motion sickness: Once.
Think you're a health freak: I have diabetes, what do you think.
Get along with your parent(s): Parent, yeah. The other doesn't get alone with anyone.
Like thunderstorms?: Fuck yes, you have no idea.
Play an instrument: Ask in a year.

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: No.
Smoked: No.
Done a drug: Opposite to yes.
Had Sex: Similar to no.
Made Out: Negative, damn it. Ask different questions.
Gone on a date: Yes.
Gone to the mall?: By it, yes.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Diabetes, remember.
Eaten sushi: Haha, no.
Been on stage: In the sixth grade.
Been dumped: No, but yes.
Made homemade cookies: No.
Gone skinny dipping: . . maybe.
Dyed your hair: My hair's ugly enough as it is.
Stolen anything: Only your writing.

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl...
Best eye color?: Green or blue.
Best hair color?: Brunette.
Short or long hair?: Medium, or long.
Height: My height, or shorter.
Best weight: It's called self-respect.
Best articles of clothing: High heels.

LAYER TEN:
Number of drugs taken illegally: If insulin's illegal, 7,354.
Number of piercings: Zero.
Number of tattoos: That include stick-ons?
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Three.
Number of scars on my body: Six.
Number of things in my past that I regret: One or two.


It's your turn.

]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2327348/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2327348/ Fri, 30 Apr 2004 00:37:51 PDT
]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2284208/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2284208/ Fri, 23 Apr 2004 18:35:38 PDT inebriate 's request by copying the journal.)

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this
allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. It's fun! ^_^ ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2224308/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2224308/ Wed, 14 Apr 2004 17:46:22 PDT You are not allowed to post more than two comments in a row to someone's user page.

Please try again after someone else has commented."
- Okay, has anyone else seen this around? Isn't it the coolest.

Now for music. This is only within the boundaries of Metallica or Dream Theater or Tool or something. Something longer than the average song, and I want more musical shit than the average song. Solos, entire instrumental tracks, you know.
Not the kind of Godspeed You! Black Emperor stuff, because I want lyrics, but like I said, something like Metallica or Dream Theater, with heavy and/or softer shit.
I'm tired of listening to bands that basically sound the same, when you get down to it.

Can anyone help me? ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2210781/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2210781/ Mon, 12 Apr 2004 21:05:27 PDT Love, how do you define it?

I've seen too many people destroyed by love to think it a romantic word or expression. Sure, kisses and hugs and flowers and the words can produce the mask of love, but what then? What happens after all those words are gone, the flowers have rotted, and the hugs and kisses just become uncomfortable? Someone who confesses their love to you is only kidding themselves, and three months later it's over - maybe even sooner, depending on how long it takes the couple to realize they hate each other.
This doesn't apply to everyone, you see, but there are the significant amount that withstand the bullshit. That's true love right there, the ability to withstand the bullshit and just love each other. No obligations to do right, no boundaries of what's what - just love. Honesty, hatred, ugliness, they're all in association with the word.
The love you think is love isn't actually love, and you will learn that, whether two hours after the first date, two weeks after the first kiss, or years after you've been together.
Arguing, too, is a big part of love. If you don't argue, you have nothing. Simple. A relationship cannot live on polite comments and half-second kisses all the time, and that's not fact, it's just my opinion. Anyone who thinks otherwise, please say so.
The word love has been distorted and fucked up since people knew that saying, "I love you," doesn't solve a damn thing. They begin to use it as a punch-line, a reason to live - "Now that somebody loves me, my life isn't that bad." Now, don't get me wrong, because again, this doesn't apply to everyone.
And now I've lost my train of thought, so I'm just going to end it before I start rambling again. I got what I wanted out, and it's done. In the past two weeks, I've seen five relationships ruined by what people call love, and this was an improvement.

I just want to know you think is love.
So you know mine: the ability to withstand the bullshit, so to speak.


Thank you. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2154473/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2154473/ Mon, 05 Apr 2004 00:05:28 PDT Mine wasn't completely Daylight Savings' fault, but God knows I tried to blame it. Mostly, it was due to reading and music. And Counter-Strike. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2065624/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/2065624/ Mon, 22 Mar 2004 20:51:03 PST
School's getting better, but I'm lying; it's all right. Better than I was back in November, but still needs improvement.
They're thinking of starting that poetry session up again at school - mmmhmm, I know. Maybe next December.

I just started listening to music for the first time since last Thursday, and I've missed it. Speaking of which, give me a few bands I can use. I'm always in the need of more. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1995515/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1995515/ Thu, 11 Mar 2004 21:29:19 PST In the outside world," make you smile?

Oh, and the heat's already getting to me.
I hope all you warmth huggers are happy with this, assuming it's gotten hotter where you live, too. It's fucking sixty degrees here now, and no clouds - only Ms. Sunshine wiping her ass with our sweat . . okay, not that bad yet, but it will be. A cloud, a drop of rain - anything. It's gotten windier lately, but that's nothing unless you have rain or snow to bathe in.
My journals are shit, I know. I promise something new soon, though I've been promising since January. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1942699/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1942699/ Tue, 02 Mar 2004 23:14:32 PST
The cold is gone, and thankfully only lasted a mere day or two. I've finally begun my re-birth of deviantART, suddenly dreading the flooding that will start. I've missed how many other artists I still haven't seen, will never see, sadly. I just grew tired of viewing the same work over again, and thought it would be good to venture the site - only, the problem was, I liked everything I saw, and began to add watched everywhere. Rock it.
This Friday, I'm heading up to Barnes and Noble or Media Play or somewhere to get a few books, which will most likely be Palahniuk. I've only read Survivor and Fight Club, and I've been beaten and threatened by many deviants here to get Choke and Lullaby, so I'll probably get those two. And Diary, too, but I'm not sure. . I'm sure I only have enough money for two.

So that's going to be my question for those who have read Choke, Lullaby, and Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. Out of those three, which two would you pick? Thank you for your cooperation. Like it matters anyway, I'm sure I'll be getting the third sometime soon.

Oh, and see Old School. I saw that for the sixth time tonight, and it's still fucking great. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1905820/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1905820/ Wed, 25 Feb 2004 18:02:47 PST
If your work is skipped, don't be offended, it will just be slower than others.

Listening to Master of Puppets by Metallica. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1885160/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1885160/ Sat, 21 Feb 2004 19:20:46 PST
Films.
Literature.
Music.
Other (none of the above).

Preferably literature, though. I just picked up something that was recommended by someone, and so that will keep me busy for the next week or two, but I could still use your suggestions. That won't last forever.
And Jim, every time I've done this, you've recommended the same two or three books - something new. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1846244/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1846244/ Sat, 14 Feb 2004 19:28:36 PST
Aggravating. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1833084/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1833084/ Thu, 12 Feb 2004 12:09:16 PST your plans for the weekend, and I'll tell you mine - so two games are nestled in this journal entry.

Friday: Some friends were thinking about getting together to connect their Xbox systems (Ugh, I know) and play the game Halo - it's funny, because whenever a friend of ours says the name, Nathan and I always refer to it as A Perfect Circle; The Noose. Yeah, so Friday may not be fun, because the game is all right, but when you play for four or five consecutive hours, damn. Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, now you can play that game for hours and fucking hours without being bored. We'll see how it goes.
Saturday: Around noon, I'm going to be heading on a three hour walk to listen to Dream Theater's Live Scenes From New York, with my new discman, so hopefully I can bring back some interesting photographs. Though, not likely. Also, I would be going to a poetry reading, if only they would get their act together and actually function as a full unit, rather than go off every weekend and fuck with their own life. Or, at least cancel the reading instead of leading people on, and lead fucking refreshments there, waiting. So, instead of poetry, I'll probably be at my brother's, watching movies on his new surround sound. He hasn't seen Fight Club or Saving Private Ryan, so there's five hours taken care of. I haven't seen either of them for months, so it will be interesting. Then, at two in morning, we're going somewhere - he hasn't told me where yet, but I think I have an idea. Up in the canyons, there's a place him and his friends always go to have fun in the snow, and since he knows I love it, I suppose that's where we're going. Otherwise, that night will be better than the previous one, it's looking.
And Sunday: That's mostly my reading day, and damn, I have a lot to catch up on. Because of a conversation with a certain reader and fan of the series, I decided to finally stop the lazy streak, and read The Lord of the Rings series. And Nathan might be coming over, and we'll go see The Return of the King for the second time. Though, it's not a sure thing yet, because it's Utah - only Nathan will probably understand that one.
Anyway, what about you guys? Have anything interesting planned?

Oh, and the game - name that film:

"What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz. . . chicken?" ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1811223/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1811223/ Sun, 08 Feb 2004 04:01:48 PST
In the mean time, how about a game? I'll say a line from a movie, and you guys can guess which film:
"If your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump out of this plane." ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1795032/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1795032/ Wed, 04 Feb 2004 20:51:28 PST
Thank you, and if I haven't gotten to your work yet, be patient. I'll get there eventually.
Oh, and it's already the fourth. Wonderful. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1773993/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1773993/ Sat, 31 Jan 2004 19:21:26 PST
undefiiinability@hotmail.com, if you care.
Clever, isn't it? ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1769923/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1769923/ Fri, 30 Jan 2004 22:56:26 PST where images and words are running deep.
She has too much pride
to pull the sheets above her head,
so quietly she lays and waits for sleep."

- Wait For Sleep by Dream Theater, from the album Images and Words, actually. That's beginning to be my favorite album. Nothing is better than the song A Change of Seasons, though - that album would be my favorite, but only the first track is theirs.


Anyway, onto the actual entry, right?
My day actually started near eight-thirty, where my brother called to help him move a piano for one of his friends. That took about an hour, since we traveled to Sandy and back (although it's a mere fifteen, twenty minute ride from here, it still took longer due to the fucking piano strapped to the back of the truck), and afterward we had ice cream.
I got back around eleven-thirty, and fell asleep watching that movie Deep Impact - boy, if anything can do it, that one can. Boring ass film. I woke up at twelve, half an hour later, to the sound of -

Fuck it, I can't update this damn thing. I can't even concentrate. Thanks for reading what you could.
I'll try again tomorrow. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1745199/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1745199/ Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:20:26 PST
It's started up for me again.


I had something else to say about yesterday, but I suddenly forgot it. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1714329/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1714329/ Tue, 20 Jan 2004 18:59:26 PST I've had my fair share of tough breaks.
I need a new voice, new law, new way - take the time, re-evaluate.
It's time to pick up the pieces,
go back to square one - I think it's time for a change!"

Take The Time by Dream Theater, on the album Images and Words.

I think you can all see who I've been obsessed with lately. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1665620/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1665620/ Sun, 11 Jan 2004 20:35:53 PST
Fatal Tragedy by Dream Theater (figure I'd start listing the bands I get these lines from). ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1647708/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1647708/ Thu, 08 Jan 2004 11:07:00 PST Photography, poetry, prose, artwork, anything - I've been a bit lazy for a while, and I need to venture the world of deviantART again, witness art that I've never witnessed before.

So, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just giving me something you've added to your favorites (or if you can remember the favorite deviation you added to your favorites, right on) that you think I might enjoy, I would be truly grateful - a link would be suffice.
Thank you. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1621838/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1621838/ Fri, 02 Jan 2004 23:28:22 PST !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1605177/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1605177/ Tue, 30 Dec 2003 19:16:55 PST
Though, for those of you that are planning to happily enjoy their night, have a great time - those that aren't, and will most likely bathe in loneliness, you want a drink? ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1584353/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1584353/ Thu, 25 Dec 2003 23:07:38 PST What is the best line you have ever heard? You can pick up to three, because I know a lot of people have favorites (including myself).

Mine would be:
"Remember I will always love you as I claw your fucking throat away." - Pushit by Tool.
"You pulled the trigger trapped in the wake of your dream." - Trapped in the Wake of a Dream by Mudvayne.
And "Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear - leading on your death's construction." - Master of Puppets by Metallica.

So, what about you? ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1575092/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1575092/ Tue, 23 Dec 2003 22:44:20 PST
All right, I started listening to the band Shadows Fall a couple of weeks ago (when I got the album Of One Blood), and they're a really great band. I actually prefer the heavy music with the vocals that you can hear what they're saying, but still a heavy tone with it. Stepping Outside the Circle is a perfect track for what I enjoy about them, though to prevent any confusion, that song is on The Art of Balance and not Of One Blood, just to clarify things - it's when they start sounding like Mushroomhead that annoys me, with the mixture of the coherent, rational voice. Don't get me wrong - I like Mushroomhead merely because that's them - they don't sing any differently, most of their songs. But with Shadows Fall, it kind of differs drastically with each song they play. The music, however, never changes. Each song, musically-wise, is at the top of its game, and I love the five minute instrumental performance they play. Like Metallica in their old day, or Tool with their calm, tranquil sense. It's like a different form with them - two sides of one coin, basically. I like it, though I wish they would just remain as one unit rather than split off with different types of lyrics and vocals.
I still love the band, and they're really climbing the position of the bands I listen to.

Now onto the untitled portion of this entry.
I went to a poetry reading the other night (Saturday, I believe), and actually enjoyed myself. I was a bit reluctant because I had no idea what was going to be going on there, whether or not there was going to be some group in a circle, chanting, or immature teenagers with ignorant brains - neither of the two happened, although there was a couple of idiots there that I could have done without.
I read Whispering Candlelight, for one reason: I wanted them to see the romantic side of me before I read anything like Identification or Massacre, basically to add to the surprise.
It was nothing like I expected - if anyone had a problem with a poem or how it seemed, they would say so in a rational manner and the writer would just accept it and say whether or not they agreed - a simple and basic debate, basically. No broken teeth or punctured ribs, unfortunately, though I did hope to hear more poetry. The teacher took everyone's pieces and dissected them individually, so it took forever to move on - and most of them read two to a pair, but I just wanted to get the taste of it, so I read the one. One girl read a piece about how her parents neglected her every wish, didn't care about how she would die (if she decided to do it), and eventually if she ever did kill herself, she would take them with her. I think that frightened everyone, but I couldn't help but smile.

After the session, we all had hot chocolate and doughnuts, and a girl came up to me and said, "I really enjoyed that poem."
"Thank you", I said, "it was nothing but a forgotten memory."
She kind of smiled, with a little more sympathetic posture than awkward, and simply said, "I take it you didn't feel very romantic writing such a lovely piece, then?"
"No, no, I felt romantic while writing it - it was the after-effect it had on me that deemed it as painful."
We introduced each other, discussed other topics besides poetry (music, literature, religion - always a necessity here in Utah, we all have to clarify who the fuck we are before anyone decides to get personal). Neither of us are Mormon, which although it shouldn't be, gave me a sigh of relief.
And afterwards, when she was leaving, I walked her out to her car, and we both looked forward to seeing each other next week, only to find out that this week they're not doing it.
She pulled out right when my brother came to pick me up, clawing and nagging at me as to how it was.

Eh, I guess I'm done. I'm sure there are plenty of errors in this, I've had to cut off from time to time in writing it due to Stevie's crying - he's been sick over the past couple of days, and it's been rough on all of us, heh.
It's taken my an hour to write this damn thing, but now it's up, now it's submitted for reading, and now I'm leaving.
I need to get shit organized.

Thank you, errr, for reading, I guess. Again, you may go now. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1553734/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1553734/ Thu, 18 Dec 2003 19:10:34 PST If I haven't gotten around to your work, I apologize, but I will soon enough.

For everyone, take care - I hope you're having a pleasant holiday season, but if you're like me, you're probably thinking "fuck off" right about now.
If that's the case, very well. It's what I shall do.

Thanks for reading, I guess. You can go. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1531518/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1531518/ Sat, 13 Dec 2003 23:28:14 PST !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1518818/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1518818/ Wed, 10 Dec 2003 23:03:16 PST
Preferably literature or films, I need something to read. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1511927/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1511927/ Tue, 09 Dec 2003 14:04:11 PST Then, I wake up. I live life, once again, just a bit longer than before. Everything to me seems like an unreal deja vu, from the point I walk by my old neighbor's house (currently empty), to when I hear Nathan tell me one of his idiotic, "witty" jokes - I always feel I've heard it before.
Sometime later, I fall back asleep, and live the same dream again - only different. We would either sit on the cough, talking, or do something totally different. It's unbearable - I need to dream about something else, or if anything, not dream at all (I'd prefer the latter).
Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful girl, but there's one tiny little problem: she does not exist.

The real person I want to talk to is Nikki, but I haven't spoken to her since before Halloween. I had the perfect gift to get her, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate. So, here I am, at three in the afternoon, coughing and sneezing, updating this thing with my pathetic version of a life.
Dreams. . I hate them now more than I ever did before.

Thank you for reading, and when something new happens, you'll know. . or not, I'm not sure. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1491326/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1491326/ Thu, 04 Dec 2003 19:27:45 PST I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, but honestly, over everything I hear about it, this feels nothing as horrible as everyone says it is. Still, they say I have the "symptoms".

Bullshit if you ask me - anyway, I'm leaving. I promise a longer entry some other time.

Stay alive, everyone. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1472973/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1472973/ Sun, 30 Nov 2003 19:22:34 PST
An hour ago, my nephew threw one of his tantrums about playing with this sword that belongs to the Nutcracker, and began screaming on the top of his lungs. He can't have the sword before he hits people with it, and it's easy to break - he's done it once before.
Anyway, I put him in "timeout" (as it would be called), and made him sit on his bed until he quit crying. Well, six or seven minutes later, he comes in the living room, whimpering and sniffling, eyeballing me then the sword.
"Are you done?" I ask, reading Disclosure by Michael Crichton (is that how you spell it?).
He nods and points to the sword.
"No."
He starts crying again, harder than before, and ran into his room. Now, before you question, I love my nephew - I love more than anything, but those that know what I'm going through know that I have to do this, no matter how much I love him.
Finally, he came back out and didn't ask for it. I held him until he fell asleep, and set him down in bed.

Now, my question to all of you is - what would you have done? How would you have handled it if it were you? I'd like to know what you guys have to say, whether I did the right thing or not. I feel I did, but of course, the emotional problem was I hated doing it.
]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1456580/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1456580/ Thu, 27 Nov 2003 01:25:17 PST
------

Playing: Sleeping Beauty by A Perfect Circle. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1447187/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1447187/ Mon, 24 Nov 2003 19:38:40 PST
For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes,
  Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,
Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
  Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader.
Search narrowly the lines!— they hold a treasure
  Divine— a talisman— an amulet
That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure—
  The words— the syllables! Do not forget
The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor
  And yet there is in this no Gordian knot
Which one might not undo without a sabre,
  If one could merely comprehend the plot.
Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering
  Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus
Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing
  Of poets, by poets— as the name is a poet's, too,
Its letters, although naturally lying
  Like the knight Pinto— Mendez Ferdinando—
Still form a synonym for Truth— Cease trying!
  You will not read the riddle,
    though you do the best you can do. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1439132/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1439132/ Sun, 23 Nov 2003 00:18:00 PST The snowy weather has returned to my neck of the woods again. Nearly four inches, and we're expecting more today so let's hope it's as strong.
Earlier today, I went on a fifteen minute walk, and when I got home, I was covering in snow. That's how bad (awesome, really) it was. . I can't be happier. The sun was hardly out the whole day - well deserved, too. That's what inspired my recently submitted piece, Powderful Residue. I hate the feeling of bliss I get when I write something like that, but I can't help it - and I can't stop. Fucking emotions.

Oh, and can you guess what I'm doing right now? It has to do with snow. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1430479/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1430479/ Thu, 20 Nov 2003 23:03:09 PST (This doesn't have to be your absolute favorite song - just one of them. It won't be held on the record.)

Pushit by Tool.

I will choke until I swallow,
choke this infant here before me.
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge and strike you down?

But you're pushing and shoving me,
pushing and shoving me (x2).
You still love me, you still love me,
pushit on me, pushit on me.

Rest your trigger on my finger,
bang my head upon the fault line.
Take care not to make me enter,
because if I do we both may disappear.

But you're pushing and shoving me,
pushing and shoving me.
You still love me, you still love me.
Pushit on me, pushit on me.
You're pushing on shoving me,
pushing and shoving me.

Slipping back into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
Alive when you're shoving me down.

But I'd trade it all for just a little piece of mind.

Pushit on me, pushit on me,
pushit on me, pushit on me,
you're pushing and shoving,
and scrambling, keeping my head on the ground.

Put me somewhere I don't want to be.
Seeing someplace I don't want to see.
Never wanna see that place again.

Saw that gap again today
as you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself away,
and you as well, my dear.

If when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay.
You minimize my movement, anyway.
I must persuade you another way.

Pushing, shoving,
pushing, shoving, pushing me.
There's no love in fear.

Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come. . . yeah.

Remember I will always love you
as I claw your fucking throat away.
It will end no other way,
it will end no other way! ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1415950/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1415950/ Mon, 17 Nov 2003 20:52:14 PST
A. Read, and pray you'll grow even more tiresome.
B. Watch television until your mind finally shuts down.
C. Listen to music until you doze off.
D. Get on the Internet, stay up until seven in the morning, and go about your regular day.
E. Go for a drive (or walk).
F. None of your business, asshole.
G. None of the above (this is where you explain something else that wasn't mentioned).
H. Masturbate. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1402271/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1402271/ Fri, 14 Nov 2003 20:58:31 PST Leave the bullet, get a comment.
Your job is to understand what the bullet is.

Art is a word best defined with comprehension. ]]> !undefinability http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1398291/ http://undefinability.deviantart.com/journal/1398291/ Thu, 13 Nov 2003 20:59:31 PST those legs must be tired
as age and time has weighed them down.
You must allow me
the privilege of carrying you
into my hole that I dug for shelter.

If only I knew of our meeting,
I would have decorated the hole
with blossoming flowers,
and pictures of sacred pillars
for you to rest your head upon,
and sleep peacefully.

Sleep silently, my sacred jewel. ]]> !undefinability