deviantART: by:under-water

deviantART: by:under-water http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:under-water&section=today deviantART RSS for by:under-water en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:20:04 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png I'll make some coffee, put on some eyeliner. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/28358469/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/28358469/ Sat, 14 Nov 2009 16:59:56 PST
I'm in a band now on synth and vocals. Putting my poetry to music again. It's frustrating, we'll see if it goes anywhere. Right now it sounds like Patti Smith meets Sonic Youth meets Lydia Lunch.

As far as my TV writing career goes, right now I'm working on a pilot of a show that I don't want to talk about too much (concerned about protecting my ideas) save to say it takes place in Detroit in the 1970's. I'm really excited about it. I'll post the script when I'm done.

I've been writing non-fiction recently as well.

Life is good other than me being very very broke after someone stole my debit card. But I have wonderful friends who give me free food when I'm starving so I've got no complaints.

]]> ~under-water I'm Clark Gable, love me if you're able. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/23983568/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/23983568/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 10:46:10 PDT
I have a lot of shit going on in my life. Swamped with homework. Need to pack up and move out of my apartment and into a new one by the end of the month. I'm having a hard time feeling motivated to socialize. The only person I make an effort to see socially is my boyfriend. Sometimes I go to parties still, although I'm very selective in which ones I choose to go to.

This all makes me life seem very stressful and depressing. It sort of is, but eh, I feel like it's mostly just the weather. Once it's warmer I'll be glad to be alive again. On that note, as soon as I graduate I'm moving somewhere that is warm and temperate all year round. So sick of these brutal Chicago winters.

]]> ~under-water Feels like a murder but that's alright http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/20508284/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/20508284/ Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:39:34 PDT
Got a lot of feature readings coming up. Hopefully making some money off of curating a student reading series for my school this fall. Also, I have an upcoming publication:

Hello! This is Sean, from the Chicago Weekly, writing to happily inform you that we've decided to accept your pieces "Entropy," "Entropy of the Straits," and "Between Detroit and Chicago" for inclusion in the inaugural, Midwestern edition of our zine! The zine will be released on the date of the Weekly's annual culture fest, REorientation, to be held on Oct. 17th.

Congratulations! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.
Sean

These days I'm trying to balance wanting to go to bed and wanting to kill things. I've also investing myself in being one of those people whom firmly believes that if Obama doesn't get elected, America will burst into flames and brothers and sisters will bed together and a seven-headed beast will ascend upon us, etc. That tends to make things a bit more stressful.

]]> ~under-water To the artists (this could be you) http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/19018124/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/19018124/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:39:48 PDT
So I'm proposing now that we move our mutual appreciation to facebook, which is vastly easier in an all-purpose way to keep track of each other and each other's art. Please don't take offense to this, but after accumulating such a talented watch list, it's hard to keep up.

[link]

]]> ~under-water Devious Journal Entry http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/18634357/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/18634357/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:41:16 PDT that screenplay I was working on a year ago that I forgot about until recently? I finished it today. Only it was finished not as a screenplay, but a pilot of a 10-part television series.

See, my latest dream in life is to go into television writing. My school offers a semester in L.A. on the CBS Lot, and I've heard many stories of students flat-out dropping out of Columbia because they got a job working for the movies or the small screen.

Anyway, a year has allowed for a lot of improvement. Right now I'm working with my film-major friend on editing it and getting all the formatting details right, but it should be up in the next couple of days.

I remember a few people were interested in this project, I think, but mostly I'm excited about this. I feel like this could be the piece that really changes my life and gets me out there, or something like that. Or at least gives me a break-through in craft.

Things are going exceedingly well right now for me in just about every area of life. I don't really think anyone reads this though, so I won't bother paying anymore attention to this website.

]]> ~under-water Oh boy. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/18082069/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/18082069/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 06:43:38 PDT
]]> ~under-water What I'm up to this month http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17642661/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17642661/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 21:26:53 PDT
2 - Yesterday I posted a teaser for The Holder Series. As far as exposing myself to more marketable writing (video games, television, film), this is just the opportunity I've been looking for. Further, since The Holder Series has somewhat of an internet cult following, I think this might be some good exposure, and I might be able to experience what it's like writing for a large audience. Although it's a video game, I'm being very ambitious with the plot, managing to tie in a lot of history (including WW2/The Holocaust and the Crusades) as well as mythology, and it's allowing me to explore my interest in sci-fi/horror writing. I said I'd have a screen play in two weeks, so, a poem a day, plus that, means very busy Stephanie.

In other news, I got A's on all my midterms, and my birthday is a week from Friday.

]]> ~under-water Poetic wax http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17381274/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17381274/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:56:28 PDT
I have a reading this Wednesday. Meeting ~heroinhotwater quite possibly; I don't want to jinx it, but it does seem like he's actually coming to Chicago and we're actually going to hang out. It's pretty exciting to meet someone whom has been so supportive of my art (and vice versa) since I first started taking this writing thing seriously.

Trying to write a paper and being incredibly frustrated. All I want to do is wax poetic.

]]> ~under-water Do Not Feed the Oysters http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17184376/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/17184376/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:52:50 PST
More and more I feel like our generation is on the verge of something. The apathy I originally associated with my home and my peers in high school seems to have disappeared completely from my life and I'm finding my stomach pitting and knowing that something big is going to happen to unify us and make our mark on the planet and the time.

Most of the time I blame these feelings on a mild obsession with Stephen Malkmus and the near constant use of marijuana, but some times I feel like I might be on to something.

]]> ~under-water Monthly feature! http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16729242/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16729242/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:07:57 PST
You have been featured in our January monthly news feature, which means you were chosen as one of our top picks for the last month!

You can find your feature here: [link]

Keep creating!"

COOL. This is awesome, seeing as how my life has been really crazy (bad crazy) lately! But I'm sure that will reflect on some poems in the near future. The new semester has begun, and with it, a new workshop. I'm writing again, I also scored a gig at the library.

Anyway. You don't care about any of that. Thanks, DA, for the features, although it is becoming ever apparent to me that nobody pays attention to the literature on this website.

"~under-water writes poetry and prose that is endearing because of detail and description. There were so many wonderful deviations in her gallery that I had a difficult time choosing only three to feature. Now, looking back at the three I chose, my opinion hasn't changed. They're as beautiful as when I first read them. ~under-water writes in layers, using emotion, imagery, and a variety of topics to make a wonderful collection of poetry."

]]> ~under-water Daily Deviant http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16525836/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16525836/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:33:58 PST
"I finally sat myself down tonight, after a day of studying, and waded through the new deviations gallery for lit. Sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised, even at this time of night. ~under-water writes poetry and prose that is endearing because of detail and description, and I had a difficult time choosing only three deviations to feature. ~under-water writes in layers, using emotion, imagery, and a variety of topics to make a wonderful collection of poetry." [link]

It's been a pretty good week, eh? Don't forget to check out my poem in Literary Fever!

]]> ~under-water Literary Fever http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16514849/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16514849/ Tue, 22 Jan 2008 01:05:02 PST Literary Fever! My poem, Interstate, has been published in this magazine. Further, they used a line from my poem as an epigraph. The layout of this publication is absolutely stunning as well. It's pretty thrilling to be a part of something so professionally well-done, and aesthetically pleasing.

Also, my personal website has been launched (albeit it is still incomplete): Buddhist Spitball.

2008 is starting out in the right place!

]]> ~under-water New digital camera pt 2 http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16269584/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16269584/ Sat, 05 Jan 2008 11:52:35 PST
I'm going to start using the gallery that I originally made for my photography before my last camera was stolen: ~globalwarming

So if you're interested in that at all, add that gallery.

Business continues as usual.

-Stephanie

]]> ~under-water New digital camera http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16127231/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/16127231/ Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:02:06 PST
I'm very excited. Every time I've gotten a hold on any of my friend's digital cameras, I'd take about a billion pictures. I don't know if it's something I'm especially good at, but it's something I'm passionate about. So expect this gallery to have some incoming photography soon.

The majority of it will be posted in my flickr account: [link]

Happy holidays! Detroit is being good to me. I dig sitting in my own room, smoking a lot of cigarettes, and seeing some chicks I dig.

-Stephanie

]]> ~under-water Listen to me reading my poems! http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15752091/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15752091/ Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:51:35 PST
Where the Blood Came From [link]

Cherokee, North Carolina [link]

Interstate [link]

After Three Months in Chicago [link]

Medea [link]

]]> ~under-water Upcoming publications http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15385548/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15385548/ Tue, 06 Nov 2007 00:19:30 PST
Interstate [link] in Literary Fever [link] coming out in late November or so, I'll keep you posted.

The El [link] in the Gordian Knot [link] coming out within the next couple weeks, maybe even by Thanksgiving.

The former is online but the latter can be picked up at 57th Street Books in Hyde Park. If anyone really cares.

Also I'm having my first reading on Wednesday. I'm a feature at a Speak Out against Domestic Violence. I'm pretty nervous, but also excited. I feel like it's a mile stone of sorts.

]]> ~under-water Who's been fucking around http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15294860/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/15294860/ Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:48:36 PDT
"Personal Quote: 'I would eat cats before cat food, because cats are more agreeable.'"

Who the fuck put that there

Yeah I actually did say that though. I'm pretty nuts I guess.

]]> ~under-water You learn to appreciate the city http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14910381/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14910381/ Thu, 04 Oct 2007 09:25:53 PDT
Five a.m. has become your regular curfew and it is not unusual to pull an all-nighter so you can eat all-you-can-eat breakfast at 7A.M.

You get a hickey on the most noticeable part of your neck and decide that if anyone asks about it, you will claim it's from playing the violin, because you're at an art school and people will believe it.

Your desk gradually becomes cluttered with books, perfume bottles, old copies of Rolling Stone and Newsweek, already opened mail bearing good news or small checks, homework, dirty dishes neglected far too long.

At night you walk for blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks and still easily find your way home.

You can have a cigarette at any hour and never be alone; this school is full of art fucks who can't sleep.

I'm starting to sink my teeth into the city; after six weeks, it's become ripe enough for me to enjoy and savor the juice. I've shifted into my place and it's comfortable here.

And best of all, I'm not alone.

]]> ~under-water Thank you so much. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14827760/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14827760/ Fri, 28 Sep 2007 13:48:47 PDT
My sophomore year, my poetry teacher at Interlochen told me that if I wanted to go into a career with poetry, I had the skills to do it. Last year my absolute most favorite teacher of all time told me that I was "a fucking genius" when it comes to analyzing literature. And today my Intro to Poetry teacher here at Columbia told me that when she read an analysis of "Rape" by Adrienne Rich that I had written, she thought that I had the insight of a grad student.

I'm also incredibly lucky to have a small audience on the internet, especially on Deviant Art, who are constantly showering me with such encouraging comments on my poems. You guys are seriously what keeps me going some times. People I don't even know stumble upon this page and comment on a two year old poem and say that it made them feel something.

It's because of these inspiring teachers and you, the kind readers, that I've decided to commit my life to my great passion of writing. I know so many talented people of every art form who devoted their sweat and blood to the craft, and when it came time for college, were too afraid to do what they wanted to do down in the very pit of their soul. If it weren't for such amazing encouragement, I surely would never have thought of actually MAJORING in poetry, nonetheless choosing a school based solely on this major and program.

So, regardless of what ever happens to me with what I love -- because it is still only a glimmer of a hope that I'm no doubt going to have to work very hard for -- please recognize that your comments have really meant so much to me and really effected my decisions thus far in life.

I'm so grateful to you, kind readers. And if I never hear from any of you again I will still be in debt to your generosity.

]]> ~under-water Tantilizing bisexual experiences to come http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14342334/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/14342334/ Sun, 26 Aug 2007 00:28:32 PDT
But here's the real news: My current featured DA work, the teaser of One Summer, had been completely put on hiatus (and how often do writers come back from hiatus?) because the harddrive on which I had saved the file is contained by a very broken computer. But tonight I went through some old emails and, lo and behold, I emailed it to myself at the end of the school year and could download the file!

I'm on the fourth act of five and will send the rough draft for those whom have been awaiting the completion for a while. However, it will be quite a while before the finished product is posted, because, as most huge project writing, it needs a lot of re-working and fine-tuning before it is done. Message me with your email if you are interested in seeing the rough draft.

It's good to know some people are digging what I post here. There will be MUCH more soon enough

]]> ~under-water Goodbye http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/13367715/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/13367715/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 10:50:54 PDT
I've been using this other website to archive my writing for a while and it's less popular, but I like it much better. You can keep up with my writing there: [link]

I may or may not be back.

Bai.

]]> ~under-water I win again, plus, buy my poems. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/13055563/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/13055563/ Tue, 22 May 2007 19:33:52 PDT The Ash, On Making Coleslaw, and Mack Avenue, respectively. Last year I placed 2nd in this competition. I may or may not be retired from the art now.

I'm probably going to be producing a chapbook soon with poems related to indie/pop culture, the price being about $1-3 including shipping. How many of you (if any) would be interested in buying one?

]]> ~under-water I've done it again (one year in every 10). http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12516919/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12516919/ Sun, 08 Apr 2007 21:16:51 PDT Death Smoke. In 2005, I took second with The Trick to Sipping Bitter Coffee with Confidence.

Also:

My page has hit over 6,000 views, and I just reached my three year anniversary with this account.

I got a seasonal job at Blockbuster. Five free movie rentals per week, $7/hour. Awesome.

My 18th birthday is on Wednesday! Shall I pose and submit in the Artistic Nude category?

]]> ~under-water Hm. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12357133/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12357133/ Tue, 27 Mar 2007 23:35:54 PDT
]]> ~under-water Note to self http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12149059/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/12149059/ Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:22:59 PDT
Speaking of which, I visited Columbia College this weekend -- I am so pumped. One of the teachers writes for Playboy.com and spent 5 years hanging out with Ray Bradbury in order to write a biography about him.

But anyway I need to remember this otherwise I will forget: three mile.

]]> ~under-water Though we're just falling stars we feel just fine. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/11315664/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/11315664/ Thu, 04 Jan 2007 16:21:03 PST
But at the same time, don't be afraid to be a little mean! Critique is important to me too.

I'm especially shocked by the continued admiration of a piece I submitted a while back, "Verse of a Young Bipolar Girl." It was just something I wrote over the course of a few hours to vent my frustration the way so many do, and I'm really glad so many people can relate to it.

Life has been interesting lately, to say the least. I think my parents are more bipolar than I am. One minute they're asking me what I'd like for dinner and the next they're telling me they're going to kick me out of the house. I'm taking the rest of the semester off at high school due to a lot of emotional stress and stuff. The break is something I needed and deserved, seeing as how I already have all my credits for graduation and was basically just focusing and a mass load of AP classes, hoping to get college credit, which I won't even need at an art school.

But some things are enjoyable. Most of the time I feel like I'm looking back at myself twenty years from now with the nostalgia a fourty year old looks at their life in the 70's. New Years was splendid. I was pleasently inhebriated and helped my boyfriend make sure he wasn't vomitting all over himself while playing Wii and generally being content. I got my first New Years kiss as well -- have I mentioned how wonderfully in love I am? I'm sure I have. It's been four months of everything I've always wanted in a relationship and no shouting-matches. My boyfriend is definitely the best thing I have right now, which is not entirely pleasing for me to admit, but at least it's something.

That's about it. Deadlines for contests and competitions coming up. Wish me luck.

]]> ~under-water Thanks http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10958862/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10958862/ Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:21:35 PST
Right now, I've finished college applications and am planning on going to Columbia College Chicago next year. I'm working on my poetry manuscript and a short story which I'm planning on submitting for a few different competitions and scholarships. I'm also keeping myself busy as an editor for my school's literary magazine.

I still can't find my goddamn camera and would give anything to have it back... in the meantime, my charitable boyfriend has lent me his Sony Cyber Shot. Still taking photos all the time but I can't upload them because HEY I don't have the internet! I'm also expressing myself artistically through drawing and making collages.

And uh hmm what else... not much. I basically can't wait until I graduate and get the fuck away from high school and my parents.

]]> ~under-water My death http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10715274/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10715274/ Mon, 13 Nov 2006 18:02:45 PST
]]> ~under-water Detroit, mother fuckers. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10395621/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10395621/ Sat, 14 Oct 2006 22:14:49 PDT
Now I am drunk and oh so happy.

I love life.

]]> ~under-water More college stuff http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10257099/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10257099/ Mon, 02 Oct 2006 08:40:54 PDT
Anyway, I really like their Poetry major -- it's the only program in the country that offers an undergraduate degree as well as an MFA in Poetry. The course list makes me happy. I think I'd also like to minor in English or get a degree with an emphasis on English literature.

I'm seriously considering becoming a high school teacher at this point. I'm doing incredibly well in my AP Lit class. We're reading the Odyssey and I'm realizing that I already know so much about the book, Greek mythology, writing -- I could teach kids to be fantastic writers and literary students.

It's hard to have to be thinking about going so far away when I have such an awesome boyfriend now. We talk about colleges a lot but last night he said to me, "Please don't go somewhere really far away." I'm not going to make important decisions about my future based on my marietal status, but honestly, the thought of leaving him is really hard. Which is why I'm still going to apply to a few places in state, as well as a few other factors which include the music scene and having a band. Okay, so maybe my band doesn't exist yet, but it will soon.

Also I am going to get another low-paying unfulfulling part time job. Probably at a fast food place. I've been unemployed for over six months now and I'm starting to realize that I really, really miss being able to live life not based on how much money I have and constantly searching couch cusions for quarters so I can scrounge up $5 for cigarettes.

THE FUUUTUUUURE.

]]> ~under-water By next year, my future will be left up to them... http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10176533/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10176533/ Sun, 24 Sep 2006 20:16:09 PDT

Alma College - Alma, MI

Aquinas College - Grand Rapids, MI

California College of the Arts - Sandiego, CA. Because it's in California.

Columbia College Chicago - Chicago, IL

Eugene Lang - New York, NY

Emerson - Boston, MA

Knox College - Galesberg, IL

Loyola University Chicago - Chicago, IL

Carnegie Mellon - Boston, MA

Wayne State University - Detroit, MI

My top choice is Carnegie Mellon. My realistic top choice is Columbia College. I'm not especially interested in the in-state colleges but just in case I don't want to leave the nest.

]]> ~under-water Is it just me... http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10165413/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10165413/ Sat, 23 Sep 2006 19:13:07 PDT
]]> ~under-water df;igujdfgjdg http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10044706/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/10044706/ Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:19:25 PDT
I've hit a creative strike again. I have two new poems, a short one and a very long one. They both need a lot of work, however, and my life is all messed up again and backwards and whatnot, but yeah, just thought I'd let you all know. ]]> ~under-water Just so you know... http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9999296/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9999296/ Thu, 07 Sep 2006 14:10:12 PDT my favorite videos on YouTube make life a little better.

But I would like to say that I absolutely hate the new DA. It's so hard to navigate! Ugh. It's so annoying. It seems like all the websites I spend the most time on keep upgrading but getting more and more obnoixous. ]]> ~under-water Hmm... http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9984127/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9984127/ Wed, 06 Sep 2006 02:01:06 PDT
The last days of summer were amazing and then ended with the worst possible thing that could happen, ever, in my life. I was very drunk indeed. I don't know if I'll ever drink again. I missed the first day of school, and I'm not going to go today either.

So, if you don't hear from me ever again, it's because I finally dried up and withered away. ]]> ~under-water Vox invites http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9884315/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9884315/ Mon, 28 Aug 2006 12:24:38 PDT
[link]

I have three invites left, so if you want one, leave your email. If I run out before you get one, I'll give you one the next time I get some invites. ]]> ~under-water This has been a busy week. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9736963/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9736963/ Tue, 15 Aug 2006 12:43:59 PDT
1. came out as being bisexual. I'm bisexual, I've known I was bisexual since I was very young, and I'm not doing it to be trendy or attract guys. So far everyone I've told has been very supportive and it's wonderful.

2. ended the relationship I had just started. It's hard to say "broke up" because it never really got as serious as I expected and I don't know if I would exactly count it as a relationship, but in any case, I'm a single woman again and, for the first time in a year, I am content in that. ]]> ~under-water Wow. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9656565/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9656565/ Tue, 08 Aug 2006 22:31:07 PDT ~under-water So let the others of my sex tie the knot around th http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9460329/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9460329/ Sat, 22 Jul 2006 17:10:49 PDT
Such are the wise words of Henry Higgens from My Fair Lady.

Except, to modify it to apply to me, we're talking about a broader gender (that is to say, males and females) and "tying the knot" would be commiting to an exclusive relationship.

Well, the long and short of it is, folks, I've done it again. It's been almost exactly a year and a month since my last relationship began, and I don't even know how long it's been since it ended. The point is, I've decided that I'm getting too old for this hokey-pokey let's-hook-up-while-you-pretend-not-to-have-feelings-for-me-and-get-mad-that-I'm-hooking-up-with-other-people thing. So I've decided to throw the towel in and settle down with a nice boy named Ryan, who is, honestly, one of the coolest and most laid-back people I've ever met. I guess I've matured a lot over the past year, because things happened a lot differently with him than with others. It's been more slow, and more comfortable, and I guess that's what happens when you start to grow up.

The point is, this boat has, uh, set sail and you can't ride it anymore and if you were I'm throwing you into the salty sea with the sharks or something. I don't know, I just feel like saying "I'VE BEEN MADE AN HONEST WOMAN" everywhere. Okay. I want a cigarette.

Good night, lovelies. ]]> ~under-water \m/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9353281/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9353281/ Wed, 12 Jul 2006 10:52:18 PDT
I've also sort of given up on this one boy I've liked for sort of a while... in the sense that I wanted to jump his bones. He, however, is confusing beyond belief, and I have no idea how he feels about me, and instead of persistantly letting my heart pitter-pat every time I seen him, I've decided to throw in the towel.

There are a few other guys in my life still, and one of whom I'm "sort of seeing," but I doubt it's going to get any more serious than some harmless drug use and second base-ing. But honestly, I'm growing tired of this lifestyle. I guess it's been eight months since my last relationship ended, and I've gotten over it, found my new place in life, moved on, etc., but I'm really ready for the whole overwhelming emotional involvement that is a commitment again.

The only problem is meeting the right boy. Honestly. If that much could happen, the rest would surely be a piece of cake. Unfortunately everyone is sort of lame or at least not enough to properly bedazzle me.

The whole thing is depressing. And it makes me feel pretty lonely.

Either way, I still have a date tonight, which is more than most depressed lonely alone people can say.

Basically, my life has essentially turned into a Thursday night network TV gimmick. Want to hear about my crazy experiences with drugs? ]]> ~under-water 52 deviations http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9153052/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/9153052/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 21:15:56 PDT
Basically, all that has happened in the past few weeks/month: School has ended, my love life has exploded, my hair is now "intense auburn," I have started keeping a sort of poetry diary of thoughts in shitty poetry form, I have read at an open mic every week, I have made a chapbook in Microsoft Publisher but don't want to print it because Microsoft Publisher sucks balls (suggest a better program?), and did I mention that my love life has fucking exploded? It's ridiculous.

Not that I'm not living it up.

Also I smoked a lot of pot/drank a lot last weekend and my brain died a little bit and I can't handle it for a while, maybe never again but probably not. ]]> ~under-water Pleased to announce http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8866507/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8866507/ Wed, 24 May 2006 17:42:26 PDT
I read the poems Detroit, Sewn Shut and On Making Coleslaw. My performance consisted of rolling across the stage and making animal noises, flashing my crotch at 180 people, thrusting my pelvis and practically reaching sexual climax. You shoulda been there.

So yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself -- this is a huge accomplishment. The MSCI is a big organization and this was their first year doing slam and the only person who did better than me was a kid who sang a song about punching a squid.

The school year is winding down and I can't imagine how my life would be had I stayed at Interlochen. I did so much growing emotionally, socially, and especially with my writing -- I can't imagine possibly have developing anymore than I have this year. I feel like I've accomplished a lot and I'm glad I'm here.

That said, I've spent the past month or so working on what has become somewhat of a novella. I anticipate its completion sometime over the summer.

Also I dyed my hair purple. ]]> ~under-water Oh? http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8654461/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8654461/ Tue, 02 May 2006 17:08:29 PDT ~under-water WINNAR http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8540438/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8540438/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 11:36:42 PDT ~under-water Myspace? Wtf? http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8526334/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8526334/ Wed, 19 Apr 2006 22:47:27 PDT
[link]

1. For promoting myself.
2. For spoken word.
3. To advertise readings/network.

Chill. Add if you want; there is a recording on there, hopefully more will be added later.

Also happy 4/20. I know I'm smoking a fat doobie today. ]]> ~under-water Progress http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8353372/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8353372/ Mon, 03 Apr 2006 12:36:04 PDT
I've recently decided to start working on the submission process again and sent manuscripts to Another Chicago Magazine -- I doubt I'll be published but the experience is nice. As soon as I finish drafts of a few other poems, I'll send out to a different magazine. It's a little complicated because often my poetry doesn't place well among me age group since I write so much about my experiences with depression, but it's not exactly mature enough to be placed with adult works either -- at least that's my opinion.

I'm constantly wondering whether or not I should try to graduate early so I can focus on my career as a writer at a college since academic classes are starting to seem pretty redundant. I've started an application to Columbia College Chicago, where I'm confident I could get in, but my parents aren't necessarily okay with me trying to go away for school again so soon -- but they'd be okay with me going to some colleges in the area.

So that's what's been going on since March 6th. Oh! My birthday is a week from tomorrow. The big one seven. And this month will mark my two year anniversary on DA. Whoopdeedo.

The end. ]]> ~under-water None of you read these. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8082621/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/8082621/ Mon, 06 Mar 2006 10:24:21 PST
I am having two poems ("Coffee" and "The Hatching Cycle") published in Golden Kitsch. It's an awesome local zine that's been around for a while so I encourage you to support it and think of buying a copy (probably $1) when it comes out.

I will also be making a chapbook of about 20 or so poems (and likely a few photos) soon and I plan to sell copies for those who would like one. I'd like to sell as cheap as possible (and still not lose money -- chapbooks are expensive to make!) so I think they will probably be about $5 (including shipping), hopefully less. I MEAN keep in mind that this is done by hand and love and it'd be sweet if I got monies for my poems! If I do offer them for sale, how many of you would want to buy one? This is so I can get an idea of how many to make and other sorts of things.

I am writing a lot, but writing takes times and draft and draft and draft. There is a short story that I am very fond of that will be completed/submitted soon. I have been looking a lot at my old poetry without disgust lately. They are nice.

My life is complicated. My dog is dying. My liver is dying. I got unbelievably trashed on Saturday night. I am arguing with the friends I thought were perfect. I am in and out of love with a boy. There are poems about most of these. If I haven't written it, Anne Sexton probably has.

Good bye! ]]> ~under-water UNDER-WATER IS CHANGING! http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/7444910/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/7444910/ Thu, 29 Dec 2005 01:07:54 PST
However, I really do enjoy photography, and I realize that at the time many of you originally watched me, you added me for something other than poetry. Mostly I wanted an organized place for my photos since they make me happy. So, I've made another gallery, which will be exclusively for photography. This gallery will be exclusively for writing.

Check out my new gallery: [link] ]]> ~under-water The oasis is dry. Brother, open up your eyes. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/7025161/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/7025161/ Sat, 12 Nov 2005 08:13:38 PST
But while I'm updating, yes, it's true, I've started doing slam poetry. Sort of. For those of you who don't know, slam poetry is a genre of poetry which consists mostly of emotionally charged rants about things one would expect to read in a dead journal entry and/or in a particularily macabre far left-wing news paper. IRONICALLY GOING TO INTERLOCHEN FOR A YEAR MADE ME FILTER ALL OF THE ANGST OUT OF MY WRITING. So I'm kind of just a white girl reading an emotionally charged piece about my dog being old before the other amatuers step up to the mic and talk about rape and being black. (I love them all, but it's true.)

And yeah, basically the creative writing guy at my school is starting a slam team that I'm on and I'm going to Dexter to compete next Tuesday. Ummm even though I still don't really know what I'm doing. It's kind of just like, "Hey, here's a girl who knows what poetry is, let's use her!" Wutevs.

OH! And fyi, I don't read any of your journals (What? You don't read mine.), but I look at your stuff still. Even if I don't comment. Yeah. ]]> ~under-water To You http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6930557/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6930557/ Tue, 01 Nov 2005 21:06:50 PST ~under-water Srsly now. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6763421/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6763421/ Fri, 14 Oct 2005 04:23:48 PDT
Yeah. ]]> ~under-water Devious Journal Entry http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6664853/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6664853/ Mon, 03 Oct 2005 01:02:52 PDT
If you haven't gotten it by now, I'm a writer. This gallery is supposed to be focused around my writing. And I'm tired of it being full of a bunch of shit.

Good day. ]]> ~under-water 8D http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6601853/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6601853/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 19:09:32 PDT
Homecoming was last night. School is going well, I've made some new friends and it's lovely. Still dating that boy, of course.

I am revising Original Sin, which I wrote about a year ago, to submit to this year's Columbia College Young Authors Competition, and probably to schoolastic. I haven't been writing anything new lately, mostly revising. And not submitting. Yeah, I don't know how good I'll be about that anymore. I've been finding myself doing more work on learning stuff about poetry (reading critical essays and whatnot) than production. So yeah.

Just thought I'd say "Hi." ]]> ~under-water Last Day Of Summer http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6422978/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6422978/ Mon, 05 Sep 2005 12:51:27 PDT very long time. I may or may not try to go back to Interlochen my senior year, but I don't regret anything; I really need to take a year off regardless of what happens.

Also. My boyfriend got to play guitar with The Hard Lessons last night while I was at the Hamtramck festival. Holy fuccccck;fjklgf;dg. And um a lot of other amazing things happened. I love everything. ]]> ~under-water curse and cry oh why oh why we'll never go home http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6178973/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6178973/ Tue, 09 Aug 2005 13:29:58 PDT

Writing wise, things are great. I've started writing prose again; I'm working on that short story I submitted the other way as well as a new one, and I've started a script or two. I've also found myself editing a bunch of poetry, especially that which I have in my bible of a notebook. Basically, I have a whole bunch of stuff that's going to start showing up soon. Most of it's on my laptop though, which doesn't have an internet connection, so eh.

Things with the bf are expectedly beautiful. Our two month is on Saturday -- it seems like much longer. This is the most stable and enjoyable situation I've ever been in with a boy, and I'm head over heels for him.

My new favorite band is The Firey Furnaces. They're amazing gaaaaah I can't stop listening to them gaaaaaah.

The zine is going to be probably awesome. It's already getting a lot of attention and support. The due date for submissions is offically August 24th. I highly suggest you submit something, ANYTHING. It would be greatly appreciated [link]

My best friend, Sasha, came home from Mackinaw City the other day and already we're back in the swing of our bfflship. I have to poop.

Basically, I'm the most content I have been in a very, very long time, and I'm not afraid of this happiness for the first time in my life. I'm healthy mentally, I have a healthy relationship, I have people I love all around me, and I'm successfully writing. I bet you're jealous. (Especially of my boyfriend. What a qt.) ]]> ~under-water Clit Like Magic Lamp http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6033429/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/6033429/ Mon, 25 Jul 2005 19:22:44 PDT
Everything is so, so beautiful today. I've been so happy. Everything has been so nice, I can't believe how nice today has been, and it's like I'm waiting for the last second when something happens like I start my period or someone calls or not to make it not so amazing. I'm going to bed very soon, I'm sitting here giving the day its last chance. But, God, today was beautiful. What even happened? Nothing. I decided that if I become rich, I would like a taco bar in my house. I watched 8 1/2 with my mom and sister and, my god, that film was beautiful -- I need to become much, much more cultured in film, but my god, maybe it's just everything else in the day, but it was so beautiful and I didn't even sit there and contemplate whether it was pretentious or not, like I would have. It's like today has suddenly gained so much innocence, and in a way it has. I came for the first time today and I realized to much, I put my lips deep on the neck of this boy and I realized how real everything is, and I might as well have never kissed any one else because this is the beginning, this is what counts, and I'm fine with this. I keep talking about how right it feels, he makes so much sense. I don't like to make things calculated. But when I'm with him, especially when I'm kissing him, I just know that he's so young and we're just two teenagers kissing, we're just innocent, like today my summer school teacher met him for the first time. I mean, I didn't introduce them because he came into my classroom after class and we wanted to go, but there was the nod of realization -- "So this is your boyfriend, ah, I see, it's nice."

I don't want to hurt anyone. There were so many other people before him. It's not like I care about him in a way -- like I love him -- but I'm different now. I was something like a doll before, and maybe they knew it, but I couldn't possibly understand -- what the fuck does a 14 year old girl do? I can't finish that sentence; I'm sad of who I've been with in the past, not because they were bad people -- they weren't -- but I have so much right now, I could hurt them so much by saying that it has become meaningless. All of that emotion, (I mean, read the poetry,) it's not real. I didn't comprehend it. I've never come before, think about that: It's easier if I think about myself and what I've done, thinking that before today my clit was a ball of flesh and today I learned that it's a handle. This is not about emotion -- I loved some of those guys, I thought I would marry them -- but I was like a cake made out of just the milk and eggs, cow and eggs -- I can't put an image to it, I fail as a poet. This is my official apology to any boy I've kissed before today, I am so sorry, even if it's meaningless to them.

But everything seems so fantastic. Everything is so right in my life, not in the sense that I'm in love, but in the sense that I am sixteen and here I am in a suburb, in a class room with my elbows around an American Lit text book, my boyfriend is down the hall in -- my! *// boyfriend: // -- with his elbows around Algebra, I kissed him good bye, I'm wearing these pants which go to hear and make my butt look better, I'm wearing less eye liner today, my hair is like this, my god, I'm alive, I'm sixteen, look at myself... I'm so happy, I mean, look at whatever I've been these past years and I never would have thought that I'd find happiness in safety and normalcy, but it's the most amazing and beautiful thing, everything is so beautiful and I don't have enough time to write it. There's a kitten who's playing behind the blue leather chair. My mother called me into the dark bathroom and showed me the champaigne glass candle lit on fire only $6. ]]> ~under-water 4,000 http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5965062/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5965062/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 04:22:23 PDT ~under-water Genius http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5958114/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5958114/ Sun, 17 Jul 2005 10:45:58 PDT Genius - Baron Wormser

Extravagant, extra-vagant, so brilliant
The eye dazzles, falters, then hosannas
Its perturbed illuminations, so full of its
Indefinable self -- ah, the Modernists

Knew how to set fire to an altar properly!
How to chew on their ashes? How to genuflect
With irony, how to indulge the mauves of piety?
Prolonged insouciance can be tiring.

We see Matisse kiss his pastel whims
And find further shores of sublimity.
That was painting; the era was Before-The-
Next-Great-Thing. Breezily/uneasily we stand
Outside MoMA. One person goes by, another.
Sunlight turns the sidewalk into spatter.

I guess this summer isn't going the way I planned. I planned to have my driver's lisence and spend every waking moment with Sasha, arms linked. I planned to submit to 22 publishers and write a poem especially for each. I was going to have a job and spend all time not with Sasha reading. In short, I was planning on very being bored and useful.

I've written about eight or so poems, submitted to one publisher. I've discovered a poetry scene in Detroit -- Jesus Christ, who knew?! My love for the lyrical art has only become stronger, and perhaps I'm not yet the 16 year old poetess/genius I planned on becoming by this time, but I've stopped. I've taken a breath. I have a boyfriend, which you would already know if you've been paying attention to me at all in any way shape or form, but he's sincerely some of the best company I could have hoped for. Friday night, we sat on my lawn and got misquito-bitten and read poetry. Last night we went to see the DSO perform Gershwin's opus. Today we're going to my favorite place in the whole world, the secret lake. It's in the middle of a forrest, which is in the middle of a graveyard. FUCK YES.

Sasha's been gone since the second week of summer. She has a job and a love interest and loving family all around. She's happy. She might not come back to Grosse Pointe, and although I'll be sad, I want what's best for her.

Bliss, man. Bliss. ]]> ~under-water Nostalgia of the Lakefronts http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5941314/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5941314/ Fri, 15 Jul 2005 10:30:54 PDT Nostalgia of the Lakefronts - Donald Justice

Cities burn behind us; the lake glitters.
A tall loudspeaker is announcing prizes;
Another, by the lake, the times of cruises.
Childhood, once vast with terrors and surprises,
Is fading to a landscape deep with distance
And always the sad piano in the distance,

Faintly in the distance, a ghostly tinkling
(O indecipherable blurred harmonies)
Or some far horn repeating over water
Its high lost note, cut loose from all harmonies.
At such times, wakeful, a child will dream the world,
And this is the world we run to from the world.

Or the two worlds come together and are one
On dark, sweet afternoons of storm and of rain,
And stereopticons brought out and dusted,
Stacks of old Geographics, or, through the rain,
A mad wet dash to the local movie palace
And the shriek, perhaps, of Kane's white cockatoo.
(Would this have been summer, 1942?)

By June the city always seems neurotic.
But lakes are good all summer for reflection,
And ours is famed among painters for its blues,
Yet not entirely sad, upon reflection.
Why sad at all? Is their wish so unique
To anthropomorphize the inanimate
With a love that masquerades as pure technique?

O art and the child were innocent together!
But landscapes grow abstract, like aging parents.
Soon now the war will shutter the grand hotels,
And we, when we come back, will come as parents.
There are no lanterns now strung between pines
Only, like history, the stark bare northern pines.

And after a time the lakefront disappears
Into the stubborn verses of its exiles
Or a few gifted sketches of old piers.
It rains perhaps on the other side of the heart;
Then we remember, whether we would or no.
Nostalgia comes with the smell of rain, you know.

I'm in love with this poem. It also sums up my summer. So there you go, deviant art journal entry. ]]> ~under-water Take off your shoes whatever chance you get. http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5878982/ http://under-water.deviantart.com/journal/5878982/ Fri, 08 Jul 2005 16:55:55 PDT
I'm having something here that I wasn't able to have while I was at Interlochen, or before I was at Interlochen. I have this patch of life in the palm of my hands that wasn't there before. And it's not exactly the way I want it, but it's good enough, and I feel so young and normal and cultured and happy. Everytime I write journal entries on this site, I know certain people from the past will end up reading them, because I've had my DA site for over a year and I've met/un-met people through it many times. It's sort of weird for me to think about that right now. I don't think I can explain through a journal entry that I just can't imagine the life I had when I knew these people, the part of me that connected to them has died, and it's sort of bitter-sweet, especially with Ian aka heroinhotwater since he was a really nice guy, but sometimes things happen and things always change. I feel so different now, but I haven't quite grasped the change yet, so it's unbelievable... I don't know. I guess right now I'm looking at something big and mysterious ahead of me that I never, ever expected to be there. A new school, a new independance, new friends, even my family seems to be new -- there's this sort of love that we're comfortable with that wasn't there before.

Hah, now I'm thinking of the end of American Beauty:

It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain.

I feel so cheap, quoting that. So I'm going to go fart now and try to feel more genuine. Peace out. ]]> ~under-water