http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:urwrstnghtmr&section=today deviantART RSS for by:urwrstnghtmr en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:34:36 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27969101/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27969101/ Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:37:23 PDT now i have no escape.
fuck.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27512279/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27512279/ Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:03:59 PDT 5 days in the hospital.
prozac/anti-depressant.
he wanted me to die.
i can't eat.
seriously.
or sleep.
fuck.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27400434/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27400434/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:49:37 PDT does God punish suicides?
can someone please tell me that?

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27328371/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27328371/ Sun, 20 Sep 2009 20:18:11 PDT and even then it was in a casket.
i miss you so much.
it hurts so bad.
i would do anything right now, just to see you... to hear your voice.
each day that goes by is just another one without you.
it's so weird. i'll just randomly start crying, i miss you that much.
if only you could have made it through the winter... i'm sure you would still be here...
you only needed to have lasted a few more months..
you were going to stop the chemotherapy..and i don't blame you.. we were going to find a new treatment... a new doctor...
you were going to get better!
the day before you died... grandma called us, saying how you just couldn't take it anymore..
you couldn't live like that any longer...
it must have been so bad...
and i cried that night, hoping you wouldn't give up.. that you could get better...
and the next day you were gone.
i got home from school and went up to dads room to say hi.
and he told me you had died that morning.
i didn't cry then.
i didn't beleive it.
i didn't cry until the calling hours.. my 14th birthday.
you were bald... i hadn't seen you that bald in awhile.
you were so pale... so cold.
i held your hand, and it felt like wax... nothing more.
not your hands.
i couldn't stop crying.
the service there was bad too.
a poem was read.. and i could hear him saying it, in his unmistakable voice...

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free.
I’m following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that place at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembering joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah, yes these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full, I’ve savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.

God wanted me now

He set me free.

i learned what 'sobbing uncontrollably' really meant, then.
and the funeral...
i had just gotten back from a writing competition...
the story i had written about you had gotten me the highest ranking..
i didn't think i could cry anymore...
i had just seen you on christmas... a few weeks before..
and you had cut the chicken...
i'll always keep that picture of us as my desktop background...
you had never heard me play the trombone for you...
i was going to bring it next visit... maybe raise your spirits..
now that chance is gone. you'll never hear me play, or see me graduate, or be able to brag about my grades ever again.
you loved that i was smart. i could tell by the look in your eyes when i talked about my classes. you were proud...
you drove up to north carolina for thanksgiving.
i think you knew it would be your last.
you saw mia for the first time..
you'll never see her and anthony grow up..
at least not from earth.
this thanksgiving is going to be so hard.
i don't know how i'm going to do it.
i miss you so much.
i think about you all the time.
i wonder if you can see me now..
and most of all, i wonder if you're proud...
i love you.
<3

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27231867/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/27231867/ Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:56:30 PDT i hate high school.
i hate him. i love him.
i don't know what i'm even doing.
i don't know anything.
i'm so stupid.
i hate my life.
i hate him. i love him.
looking in the mirror makes me cry, because i hate what i see.
guess i'm not such a fucking perfect child anymore.
i never thought things would get this bad.
i never knew i would change this much.
look at what i'm doing.
smoking weed. drinking. cutting.
when will they realize i'm nothing?
fuck this.
god.
and no one loves me.
i'm so jealous of everyone.
and i hate this.
and i hate looking at my wrists.
and i love it.
and i hate him. i love him.
i'm so restless.
and i hate this.
and i dont want to be here.
but do i even have a choice anymore?
gotta please the people.
i hate my parents fighting
all the fucking time.
i just want them to LEAVE.
i just want to leave.
fuck this.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/26292766/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/26292766/ Fri, 31 Jul 2009 08:06:41 PDT lately i've been hard to reach
i've been too long on my own
everybody has a private world
where they can be alone
are you calling me,
are you trying to get through?
are you reaching out for me?
i'm reaching out for you...


i guess we would have to walk a mile
in each other's shoes, at least
what size you wear? i wear tens
let's see if you can fit your feet
in my shoes, just to see
what it's like, to be me
all be you, let's trade shoes
just to see what it'd be like to
feel your pain, you feel mine
go inside each other's mind
just to see what we find
look at shit through each other's eyes

but don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25737621/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25737621/ Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:10:19 PDT
everythings my fault.
i wish everyone would be mad at me.
it makes me feel guilty.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25727059/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25727059/ Sat, 04 Jul 2009 01:13:54 PDT it was
JUST
2am
now its 4, and i have to wake up at 9
and i dont think i'm gonna fall asleep anytime soon.

i'm not in that bad of a mood... but i really just think it's cuz i'm buzzed. try me tomorrow.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25641324/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25641324/ Mon, 29 Jun 2009 23:46:33 PDT pain doesnt hurt when its all you've ever felt.
such an "emo" statement, but its so true.
pain is so familiar to me. i have to feel it.
because once i'm pain-free... once i think i'll never get hurt again... once i think i'm happy...
the pain comes back...
and my world comes crashing down.
every time.
i'm fucking SICK of getting my hopes up, only to be dissappointed.
its the story of my fucking life.
all i ever do is walk on eggshells; waiting for the next crash.
i don't know what i'd do if i was happy.
i can't "get help". that would change my life. i cant give up the pain.. because that would be like giving up my life.
"sometimes it takes more guts to give up then to hold on"
and its way more guts then i have at the moment.
so... this is why i make myself feel pain; this is why i cut.
it's better that everything stays the same... i cant take the rises and falls anymore.
i've given up on ever being truely happy.

^{i have [another] headache. it seems i get them every day now, doesnt it...?}

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25503054/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25503054/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:13:01 PDT nothing can lift my mood, at all.
not even seeing the cutest 1-year-old girl today & getting a hug from her..
or spending the day at my best friends house, playing with their adorable cousin..
or winning our softball for the first time this season
or listening to my favourite song.

i just don't know what it is.
i'm on the fucking verge of tears, and i have no idea why.

i don't think tonights gonna be the night though... so everyone can sleep easy..

but i don't think i'm going to sleep tonight.

i just want something to change.
i'm sick of everything.
especially the life i'm in the process of living.

ughhh.

i hate this.

_{how many times can i break til i shatter?
well... i don't know... but i think i'm pretty damn close...}

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25502622/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25502622/ Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:48:13 PDT how many times can i break til i shatter?
don't look away...

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25470437/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25470437/ Mon, 22 Jun 2009 09:52:31 PDT t r u t h is i've been falling for awhile
^{[and i've just been waiting for someone to see through my smile]}

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25443702/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25443702/ Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:25:11 PDT called life
and
i suck at it
i hate it

i pulled a muscle in my leg
that hurts.
not as bad as other things.

theres this kid.
only 6th grade.
tells me he's going to
kill himself
over a girl.
unless someone can save his life.
i hate this.
i love this little kid... but it just hurts me so bad.
hits close to home..

i'm so
lost
confused
overwhelmed
in pain

and i dont know how much more i can take...

_{the impossible is possible tonight...}

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25425542/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25425542/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:48:52 PDT watching the thunderstorm
at 2am

i hate when i
cry myself into a headache

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25421540/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25421540/ Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:24:11 PDT my heart
it was my life
it was my start
but it was YOUR knife

...

how could you do this to me?
look at what i made for you
it never was enough
and the world is what i gave to you.
i used to be l o v e s t r u c k
now i'm just f u c k e d u p
pull up my sleeves
and see the pattern of my cuts!

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25403585/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25403585/ Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:46:32 PDT i have a sudden urge to jump.
not to kill myself.
but to feel myself falling....

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25381551/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25381551/ Wed, 17 Jun 2009 20:12:45 PDT every smile you fake is so condescending.
i counted all the scars you made...

_{[my subscription ran out, and i'm scared to ask my parents to buy me another]}

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25347222/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25347222/ Tue, 16 Jun 2009 08:46:46 PDT i wish i could believe it more then i do...

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25332543/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25332543/ Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:42:19 PDT i DON'T hate whoever called them.
i just wish they had talked to ME first.
i wasn't going to kill myself this time.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25254253/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/25254253/ Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:42:43 PDT concidering i started cutting last october...
8th grade year is over.
it was fucking hell for me...
so much happened... so much didnt happen...
i'm truely surprised i'm alive right now...

expect me to return...
don't expect me to suddenly break my writers block...


]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18485899/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18485899/ Sat, 24 May 2008 21:19:23 PDT

[link] (TWLOHA offical site)
[link] (TWLOHA's Myspace)
[link] (TWLOHA's Live Journal)
[link] (A community post on TWLOHA)


"Write "LOVE" on your arm.
It's to support TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms)

To Write Love On Her arms is about
cutting, depression, addiction, suicide,
and meeting those needs and talking about
things that haven't been discussed. And saying that people
are not alone and that we're called to live together
and called to love each other and we've got something
to say about pain. And there's HOPE for people.
It's about pain, failure, regret, brokenness, and broken people.
And about HOPE.
TWLOHA is an idea, a dream, a prayer, a song, a fire and a movement.

It's so amazing, and we
(everyone who supports TWLOHA)
want to get the word out about it, and to help
other people. So, to do that we're writing love on
our arms.

Please write love on your arm.
And if you could go here and read the story..([link]) then read some of the facts, just so when someone asks you why you have love on your arm, you can tell them
and share your love with them.
Then I ask, for you to write "love" on THEIR arm.
We want this to MOVE.

FACTS:
121 MILLION people world wide suffer from depression.
18 MILLION alone are in the United States.
2/3 are NEVER treated.
Untreated depression is the leading cause of SUICIDE.
Suicide is the THIRD leading cause of death
among young people. (That's US!)

Depression is treatable.
Rescue is possible."

(Copied from
[link])

I didn't not form this project, I only support it. Please visit [link] for questions or donations.



:thumb86663132: ... ]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18305788/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18305788/ Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:34:36 PDT Holiday

Say, hey!

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protester has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

(Hey!)
(Say, hey!)

(3,4)

"The representative from California has the floor"

Sieg Heil to the president Gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday

Holiday-Green Day


Happy fucking Independence Day everyone.




<sub>So, since I want my TWLOHA thing to stay up front where people can see it this is the spot for my journals. It was the "Yay for *RawEm0tion" one, if anyone one cared.

--
I fully support Vist them, and remember my name: =urwrstnghtmr</sub>



~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18088910/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/18088910/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:57:48 PDT
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/17133937/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/17133937/ Sat, 01 Mar 2008 14:05:54 PST
This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16803009/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16803009/ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 15:34:58 PST 2. Age: 13
3. Height: like 5' 8'' or 5' 9''
4. Hair Color: dirty-blond
5. Eye Color: Grayish/blueish/greenish
6. Do you play any instruments? trombone (1st chair FTW!!)
7. Do you sing? Yes, and it scares people around me
8. If so, what part (Soprano 1,Alto 2, et cetera)? Whatever I'm singing along with lol
9. Kiss or hug? hug
10. What color is your room? Green and white wallpaper
11. How old is your mom? *cough*50*cough*
12. What color do people tell you looks nice on you? Blue
13. What color do you think looks nice on you? Black, Blue
14. Do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back? Hell no!!!! I have a RETARDES VOICE!
15. Who has the nicest speaking voice that you know? Everyone but me.
16. Who was the last person you hung out with? My friends
17. What did you and that person do? Played video games and ate.
18. What are your favorite colors? Black, Blue
19. Do you prefer Anime or Manga? Manga
20. Which is your favourite Anime? I don't watch anime (gasp)
21. How did you learn about the existence of Anime? Intenet
22. What was your very first Anime encounter? Like Kindergarden(Dragon BallZ)
23. What Anime would you say I should absolutely not miss out on? I don't know or care.
24. How large would you say the chance is that you will use scotch tape today? 1 out of 4
25. What's the last thing you ate this day? Pasta
26. What book are you reading at the moment? Christene and I just finished Taming the Wild Star Runner.
27. Quote a few lines from a poem you like.
"The breaths you take are never breathed,

The rivers all turned black and now they’re paved.

The fish have been encased in metal shells,

With wheels as fins and exhaust pipes as gills."


28. What book would you advise everyone to read and why? Any Stephen King or S.E. Hinton
29. Do you write yourself? If so, what kind of things do you produce? Yes, poems and short stories.
30. How many bookmarkers do you own? I just use scraps of paper.
31. What is your favorite food? Calimari (squid) or Pasta
32. What is your favorite beverage? I love pop but I can't drink it, so probably tea.
33. What is your favorite animal? Ducks
34. If you could have any eye color what would it be? Cold blue
35. Do you prefer silver or gold? Silver

If I had people to tag, I would.

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16538010/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16538010/ Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:27:09 PST
]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16479689/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16479689/ Sat, 19 Jan 2008 19:00:25 PST
Why can't I just accept that she is better then me.......?

]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16432495/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16432495/ Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:48:58 PST
]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16418145/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16418145/ Tue, 15 Jan 2008 13:55:14 PST
]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16402385/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16402385/ Mon, 14 Jan 2008 12:39:57 PST
]]> ~urwrstnghtmr http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16387783/ http://urwrstnghtmr.deviantart.com/journal/16387783/ Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:42:36 PST
]]> ~urwrstnghtmr