http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:vertigoaddict&section=today deviantART RSS for by:vertigoaddict en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 03:05:45 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21609431/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21609431/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 07:10:29 PST
I was performing Disney's 'Go the Distance'(I had to wear costume and all that) And I sang the first verse wrong (the lyric didn't even make any sense when I tried to fix it, I hope no one really noticed)

I had to be a butcher in Les Miserable's 'One day more' and you see... earlier that day I had coursework to do (I had to film this guy, long story, irrelevant to this one)there was traffic when I was going home and I needed to make a bloody apron, but when I put paint on it it looked too thick, so I put a bit of water (NB: I was running late, so I rushed)and the paint spread through the whole apron (which was white at first) and it became pink! I don't even have to TRY to be gay, do I? (It comes naturally)

+The Blood

These two boys were running (like most kids do) out into backstage, one tripped and banged his head against the door, he was bleeding A LOT, I was very close to the door, so I went to him, I half-shouted/ half-whispered (honestly I don't really know what it's called) "He's bleeding! He's Bleeding!"

I grabbed the kid's arm and rushed him to one of the women's changing rooms (I knew there was sink there, the first I thought of)) both of us, me and him, washed his forehead (of course by now there were people gathering around, wondering what happened)putting pressure on the wound with a tissue, then a towel (by now there were others helping). Teachers, adults came, gave him some water, I told him to lie down. Kids came and were noisy as expected, they moved him to an air-conditioned room, more water, someone fanning his face, towel on his forehead, mother called, more teachers, more kids.

He didn't cry once.

I remember seeing his scar it looked pretty big (considering his child-sized forehead). I wonder if I did the right thing, grabbing his arm like that, maybe I should have carried him?

The kid was brought out, probably to an ambulance. You know it's stupid, there was a hospital (JPMC) right next to us (JPCC) but we couldn't bring him there because it's closed! (don't they have a freaking ER?!)

I think he's okay, these things happen, I just hate it when it does.

The Rose

A friend Annisa told me she had something special for me after the show. She was giving out roses to 9 people, but forgot to bring the last one...mine.

Oh well, she says sorry and that she'd bring it the next time we meet, but honestly I'm not that bothered, it's the thought that counts, now, if it was money...

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21559022/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21559022/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:57:55 PST
I even asked the guy to stop. I should've asked him to play from the second part of the song.

I'm not sure I can do this thing at JPMC I have a solo part and I'm kinda worried, and I don't want to see their damn annoying faces either, I feel like quiting.

My head hurts, my body hurts; it's simply not a good time, but it's too late to give up now.

I hate it when people say I did good when I feel, I know I did really badly. (the second time I went up that stage, I messed it up as well, my voice...it wasn't like I practised and I think I was too fast, I should have sung accapella (sp?)
I suck most when the music is on.

I've dug my own grave here. it's a little too late to get out of things.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21555065/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21555065/ Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:31:11 PST
And these guys at neoclassic... I know the performance is on Saturday, I know I have to be in JP today and the next and the next till the performance day arrives. But I feel like they're saying "if you don't come on time, then don't come at all" (yes that is how professionals act, I know)but even if I have more free time in school now, the schedual for these rehearsals and my Drama ASA rehearsal, they cross over a bit.

Both teachers in both schools have this expectancy and I hate it when i don't meet them.

And it's annoying, fustrating, when they just look at me.

I really felt like hurting myself last night, but I got so tired, I don't even remember when I slept, the cushions from the living room were in my room that night, I remember sitting on the couch at the entrance, but that's it...maybe I was sleep walking? I don't think I do that though (besides how'd I get up and down the stairs? maybe I was half-asleep when I was doing things? Probably.

My neck hurts like hell today, figures out the JIS Idol on wednesday was NOT the audition, but the semi-finals...this sucks, I need to pay more attention to the bulliten.

If I ever live on my own, I'm gonna need a pet, seriously.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21288097/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/21288097/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 17:21:34 PST
Well a lot of things have been happening to me obviously, I have completed 2 parts in my fanmovie (did I mention I was making a fanmovie?); it's a fanmovie of clock tower made via the sims2; I'm working on part 3 now ^_^

Game projects progress?

Project Hecka = someone dropped out being too busy, I'm busy as well and I need more motivation.

Jacob 3 = working on walkcycles, I need to shade in the sprites first before my current animator agrees to continue (it's our deal)

The Entity = I am re-doing everything from scratch as there is a better posibility of me completing it via AGS than it is RPG maker.

UPCOMMING

Drama Performances:

12 angry men

SICK (devised piece)

Singing performances

International day

Broadway/Disney special

Oh and I'm re-taking my coursework and this time (it was confirmed) I can DO IT MYSELF!!! YAAAAAAAYZ!!! (so I'll have to concentrate on that definately!).

I don't know what else to say, I'm in school now so I cant link you guys to my movie, but I will when I get home OR you can just make a search for 'Clock Tower: Cut' or horrorvictim or vertigoaddict and you'll get my page where you'll find a playlist.

PS/ I have GREATLY improved since I last made Part 1 and 2, so don't judge me too much on my old work.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/19120616/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/19120616/ Mon, 30 Jun 2008 03:14:08 PDT
Says I could do better, says I should meet other people, etc.

I am getting sick of this. It wasn't the dumping that hurt me. It was the fact that he decided it overnight.

This happened 2 times already, both over night.

I'm just sick of it.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18988836/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18988836/ Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:52:19 PDT
1)Must post these rules

2)Each tagged person must post 8 facts about themselves on their journals

3)At the end you must choose and tag 8 people

4)Go to there pages and tell them they've been tagged

5)No tag backs

++++++++++

1) I'm gay but some people still don't believe me.

2)Uniforms of practically any kind turn me on, probably the reason why I stayed in school for so long.

2)My blood type is 'B+' but for some strange reason, my ID card doesn't say anything; it's blank.

3)When I turn 18, I plan on posting naked pictures of myself on a couple of select websites.

4)I started smoking when I was 7 years old; it went on and off. I used to smoke when I was stressed, now I cut myself instead.

5)I was 'emo' before the term 'emo' was considered in the 'goth' catergory; then again I do not consider myself emo (it was the opinion of some of the people around me) if anything, I am 'semi-emo'.

6) I have castration fantasies, I'm into penectomies. Often I wished that I was longer JUST so I can make myself shorter and keep the remains in a jar or something. The thought of making out with a guy who has a stump in 'it's place just drives me crazy. NOTE: This IS JUST a fantasy, I probably won't do it in real life...maybe if I had the money; I would split my penis in two and join their ends so that I'd end up with two thin ones or just a simple stump and yes I'm getting hard just by writing this. I obviously have many more fetishes, but I'm too lazy to list all of them... they are simply too much.

7) I am known for giving TMI (too much information) when asked.

8) When I was a kid, I hated the number 5 for some reason, I obviosly grew out of that.

Now time to tag others! >_<

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18259188/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18259188/ Sat, 10 May 2008 14:55:47 PDT
Sigh...I want to sleep all day, but I know this opportunity is good for me so...I took the job (I do half days though, in the mornings)

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18224785/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18224785/ Thu, 08 May 2008 10:14:36 PDT
See? Superstitious...the more I look into it, the more I feel there are warnings of future events in sign form. Brrr...

I've had this taste of puke in my throat and my chest feels weird; am I sad? Am I maturing? I feel like the more I grow up, the less my body allows me to feel.

I feel like my body is automatically bottling up my feelings...I think I should be crying more, but I just don't feel like it, or at least my body isn't reacting to my heart/ soul much anymore.

The story was, well, you have to know about our 'deal' first. I have this deal with whoever becomes my boyfriend. That he can have multiple lovers as long as he tells me (I believe a person can love more than one person) and if he agrees to me having the same deal then great (but if no, he still gets the terms even if I don't).

Anyway my boyfriend is so far away from where I'm at and it seems impossible for me to go to his country (unless I go there for vacation in a few years time when I have the money). There came this 'adorable' guy who at his workplace (pizza) blonde, blue eyed and 'there'. This guy broke up with his previous boyfriend because his ex cheated on him.

So my man started hanging out with the adorable and he got the adorable's number and they're going on a date. That's when he told me that he was going to tell about our deal (I told him to tell earlier, to save the adorable from heartbreak) but then it I thought about it and told him it would probably be better if we broke up, then he wouldn't have to talk about it in the first place. (of course there was more to the whole conversation, but give me a break, I just got dumped) So I told him to get the adorable's ass and tell me all the juicy details.

*Sigh*

I'm too nice for my health sometimes...

I wish I wasn't here in Brunei, I wish I was with him, then there wouldn't have been this issue. Well, that's 2 times (or 3 counting my crush) my heart was broken (or supposed to) This break-up is wierd because of how I feel; I want him back as my boyfriend but I know that I'll be able to talk to him regularly like usual (we're still friends) and I want to cry real hard (because I think I should be, shouldn't I?)but it feels like my body is preventing me from doing so and it's blocking all feelings of the heart and ending up making me throw up (not yet at least...). I love this man very much and I probably will keep him in my heart forever but;

time for me to get another guy (as my sister says, lose one, get anew). If I wasn't in Brunei, I'd be laid by now.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18021097/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/18021097/ Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:07:58 PDT
What worries me is the high possibility that I may never see 'him' if I don't get good grades. Don't get me wrong, I tried, but my last project was a team thing and there wasn't much teamwork going on (partially my fault I guess, but lack of communication is mostly on their part). At least I was trying to do the project to the best of my abilities.

Here's the thing, about three to four months ago my media studies class started our module 3, where the job was to make a moving image (movie, trailer, etc)

We were put into groups of 3, I was assigned with these two girls who are often...quiet. Needless to say, I was soon going down the road to hell.

First strike, every one in the other groups (including the other class) got and confirmed their idea (this is what we will do) but my team, well, they didn't like my ideas (and kept ditching them, ALL of them) and didn't clearly understood it (even after I've explained). They wanted to do horror comedy (yeah, sure go ahead, but do you have any ideas on it? an outline on what's going to happen or what it's about? NO).

Second strike, I misunderstood the teacher about our questionnaire homework, figures out the deadline was earlier and so me and one of my teammates (one because the other was absent) quickly made some questions relating to the movie. I printed 40-60 pages each (for 3 people) 20 extra just in case. I went to the mall and stayed there, going to random people and making them answer the questionnaire and getting it back. I arrived home at 2AM, it was a school night and I knew that if I slept then I'd be late to school; when I did go to school and showed what I got (my other teammates didn't get ANY of their papers answered) they ditched my idea and the questionnaire that supported it without even looking at the statistics (I even posted the questions into forums) just because it was GAY (the teacher said write about something you can relate to), and then they decided a story idea; both of them agreed to it, and I knew this project was a team thing, so I compromised. But I was worried about their idea because it had to do with religion and trying to make a comedy about it seemed a little risky for the exam board... this came just like that, that day and they took it up; I had my idea for weeks and I bought DVD sets to research on it ( The Office - British and Curb Your Enthusiasm, I also watched Abigail's Party in one of my teacher's drama class and used the notes I took there) I went to various websites, I found a location to shoot and also got permission, I had the statistics, I had scenes coming together, I was ahead, thy pulled me back to square one.

Third strike, everyone is too busy, including me, to do anything; There were plays that have been postponed and put on earlier (that I had to act in, for exams and because I signed in and it was to late to sign out) exams and not to mention homework. I know everyone is busy but at least try! Everyday I would bring props, bit by bit and leave it in the drama room so we can use it, I even used up my on money (I used my mother's money for that extra camera though, in case all the other school cameras were taken), I even persuaded my sister to lend me he FAVORITE dress to me so the actress can use it (this was her FAVORITE dress guys and it was BEAUTIFUL). I had to make sure it was in good condition (don't worry nothing happened to it). The others DID NOT bring any props (except for when we were rushing to shoot and they brought their own clothes and a snack). I was the ONLY one preparing for it while I worked on 'Midwich Cuckoos', and before that I had ' Private Lives ' (plays)

Fourth Strike, the deadline comes closer, We had to let the actress go because she was as busy as we were, one of my teammate FINALLY agrees to take the role. Not only is her voice not loud enough on-screen, her commitment was questionable.

Fifth Strike, she wants to do most of the editing, she asks me how to use windows movie maker (I figured it out myself at least in 40 seconds, why couldn't she just do trial and error?) but I still helped her and when I'm explaining she just says 'okay, just do it' she interrupts me, she ditches me, she annoys me like hell. In the end I did ALL the editing, but in my EVALUATION it said that SHE did MOST of it, FUCK!

Sixth Strike, a whole revelation of just ARRGH! all three of us had assigned to different companies (in our brief of this project) and while all I can remember was hat we assigned to BBC, the others assigned to HBO and Paramount, just annoying. It's the fact that the other two don't share much with me, I asked them before if there was anything else that they talked over between themselves and didn't tell me, they told me there was nothing else... ]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17628944/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17628944/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:44:32 PDT
So school has started once again and I know I'll be even busier this term. I have appointed a scripter to do all the technical work for me 'Brentimous' I think his username was.

This game seems to be getting the light, Like I said, I might actually get completed! Another game that I made which might get completed! I am so happy!

Well I really need to work on those animations!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17628458/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17628458/ Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:23:10 PDT
My audition is on this saturday at 7 pm. It'll cost $80, 4 times in a month. I'm taking the beginner course so I can learn how to read music notes (FINALLY).

My dad asked me what instrument I would be playing and when I told him 'my voice' he was so, SO, SOO disapointed; honestly I almost died a little more inside.

I love singing, but I want to learn how to do it properly on my own this time. I've always wanted to learn how to read music notes. I used to play 'Mary had a Little Lamb' on the recorder, but that's it and even that I forgot.

I want to improve in my singing, so I AM NOT going to budge, my parents, MY FAMILY have stopped me from doing the things I want to do the most for the last time!

I wanted to learn how to sew clothing properly, but my aunt told me not to.

I wanted to take drama class for GCSE, but my sister said I shouldn't.

I wanted to take dancing lessons but my parents told me what the use of dancing was.

F@CK THEM! FUQK! AAARRRGHH!

I am doing this, EVEN IF exams are close! I DON'T CARE!

I need to take phucking control of my fuching LIFE!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17489197/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17489197/ Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:16:39 PDT
10th Anniversary Concert, few people were still surprized I could sing base.

Midwitch Cuckoo's a little threatened by time, might be kicked off- cause a lot of students skipp their rehearsal.

Exams comming soon.

Oh and there was blood comming out of my bottom, but nothing to worry about. It was just the change i my diet; my body always reacts to these things quite 'severely'. I remember when I stopped eating sugar for 10 days and when I took a bit afterwards, my body went into shock and I got sick.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17170631/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/17170631/ Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:09:40 PST
Noel Coward's ' Private Lives ' as 'Victor Prynne'

'Midwhich Cuckoos' 2 roles (can't tell any more than that)

Jerudong International School 10th Anniversary Concert- Tenor and Base part, short solo.

Media works:

Project Hecka (Game)

Jacob 3 (Game)

Soul Quest (Game)

Clock Tower: Cut (Fan-Movie)

Untitled (Making of...Trailer- School related)

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16575908/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16575908/ Sat, 26 Jan 2008 03:52:14 PST
]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16175950/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16175950/ Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:31:21 PST
Why, why, WHYYYYYEEEEEEIIIII!!!!!!

Ah well, when I get a credit card, I'll get it shipped in CD form. T_T

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16078943/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16078943/ Mon, 24 Dec 2007 14:28:56 PST
Well, I know I'm not supposed to advertise (actually it's free, so it's not really) but hey, sharing is caring and that's exactly what I'm doing (only the share part, I could care less about people I don't know).

I made the sequel, the first game was by 'ThatOneChick87' (who is not a deviant). She made the game for a compettition.

here's the link:

[link]

both games are in there (they're very short, and when I say very, I MEAN very. Mine is longer)

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16040038/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/16040038/ Sat, 22 Dec 2007 07:15:49 PST
I tried out scripting for this game making program and messed up my computer so it had to be re-formatted.

A guy, my old friend, told me he liked me and over-night he thought about it; the next day he decided that he's straight and he's 'very sorry' (we're back to friends, even after he broke my heart so fast T_T). I end up feeling stupid, lonely and used (the whole situation seems almost comical)

I re-read my diary (also rarely updated) and found that I was more 'articulate' at expressing my feelings when I was younger (I really felt in deep and tried to put as much detail as I can to describe how I was feeling...these days I find that it's harder to explain how I'm feeling, either that or I just don't even bother anymore). I've been lonely since 2001(although my diary dates back to 2003-5-ish).

I bought make-up and clothes for the dev meet, used up about or more than B$60. I can fit into a size 29 par of pants (really tight, but it does closes, if I excercise enough....) 32 is the perfect fit (although considering how much food I consumed today, I might just be going back to 34, nauzubillah, I tried so hard to reach this, I need to go foward.

Dev meet! Dev meet! Yay me play with make up, me pose on camera, me freaking sad and fustrated and me so sick of being so unsociable so me have excuse to act so inappropriately and flirting with cute sales man and reporter! (I guess I have a thing for big guys because I used top be big too...but yeah they were cute IMHO to me) It wasn't just the guy thing that put me down, there were other things...but this is a summarized update and it's already looking a little too much!

I ate so freaking much today I am going to cry sooo hard the stress hormones just burst out of my pores using so much of my energy and therefore burning so much calories I get thin agaion.

Oh during the dev meet I saw a lot of my old school friends (not deviants, just normal old students friends etc...most of them either didn't see me, didn't recognized me or were just downright mean and ignored, refused to acknoledge my presence).

Well that's about it...Oh and I was browsing around the shops and saw this beautifully crafted wooden doll house which just makes me want to built my own doll house (I seriously sound gay now) but It was just so nice I wanted to own it and if I made my own the effort will pay off and it'll be a nice decoration to add in my room.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15557097/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15557097/ Sun, 18 Nov 2007 03:15:53 PST
Anyway the school have given me 2 weeks to do 'a good job' and they'll let me stay or else they'll kick me out of school. that's about it.

STUPID JOY EMOTICON! I'M NOT FOOKING HAPPY YOU FOOKING SON OF A BEECHES ASHOL!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15506778/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15506778/ Wed, 14 Nov 2007 12:34:58 PST
I'd like to go into detail, but I'm too tired now. There were a lot of things that happened to me, but my PC was being soo moody at the time (that being one of the things). I'll write some more later.

For some reason, I can't change the 'Joy' emoticon. I'm not happy, I'm tired.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15109373/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15109373/ Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:34:24 PDT
Because this time, there are people who are expecting me, there are people who I asked to do voice-overs (actually I sent a PM to a theatre group, and they said yes) there's a person doing music (2 samples were created!). The art, of course, is done by me.

It's finally comming together. I just hope I'll be able to finish it by the end of this year or early months of the next.

When it's done, I'll post a download link for you to enjoy.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15109332/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/15109332/ Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:27:48 PDT
They did say they might not make it, but no one? I hate myself.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14673833/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14673833/ Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:24:19 PDT
I'm on a freakin' diet! In the end everyone 'celebrated' by eating all of this food that I chose never (ish) to eat again! So technically, they celebrated my birthday...without me. Plus I'm sick AGAIN, just right after I was feeling better!

So, I stayed awake till like 11-1 and my dad was getting a massage, my mother insisted that I'd take it too. I liked massages so I said yes.

Only this time, the old lady was unavailable, so instead we had an old man mesus...

So I stripped down to my undies and wrapped the sarung around my waist. I went into the prepared room and he told me to lie down.

Now, you see, I like older men and this one was appealing to me quite well so... he started by massaging my back (it was a mixture of pain and ticklish) , from neck to bottom and I mean my ass. He had his hand on my ass, like, his hands went into my underwear. And of course I got hard.

Next were my legs, and his hand went on my thigh, get a little harder. Now take note that I was lying on my front so, it kinda hurt pressing my dick onto the ground.

Whenever he picked up my leg, to masage my calves, my foot would touch his crotch, and I was aroused.

When he asked me to turn over, he thought I had slept, I turned over (he still hasn't noticed it yet, my penis was positioned so that it was unnoticeable.

He massaged my chest and abs. when it came to my abs, his arm felt something. His hand travelled to my groin, a few of his fingers were in my underwear, ready to pull it down. He said something, but I wasn't sure what. And that's when he took my penis out...

He kept saying in a slightly lowered voice that I'm big...(was that a compliment? or was he just saying that I had an erection? well, according to statistics I'm a little longer than the average asian, yes) anyways, he massaged my groin a little bit and he stroked my penis a few times, he kept on saying I was big (of course he's saying this in malay) I didn't really feel embarassed, actually I was excited and kinda hoping it would happen...but my instincts said to keep quiet. I just looked over there at him stroking my meat, then massaging my abs.

Then he just massaged me on the chest, etc, with my penis in the air, now and then stroking it "(still hard)

For the last time, he checked my penis again, stroked it again (perhaps he's trying to make me soft? Or cum so I'd relax) anyway he put it back in and put the sarong over it and started to work on my arms and spine. It was hard the whole time.

He was a nice man, gentle but strong and he didn't freak out when I was errect (I wonder if he told dad?)

When he left (I can hear the car from my bedroom) I jus ripped my clothes off, got on the bed and jerked off! God! that was HOT! I came like, more than 3 times! my cum was thick and a lot. It was less than my first ever load, but it was still a lot! I still feel ansy right now (is that correct? ansy?) I know one thing for sure.

This was definately, my sweet sixteen!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14434599/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14434599/ Sat, 01 Sep 2007 01:29:49 PDT
About two weeks ago I wanted to lose weight, so I can be healthier and feel and look much better; I excersized following a 28 day work out, I changed my diet eating chilli (which I don't really like much and don't usually eat) to raise my metabolism. Three nights ago I fell ill with a fever, exhaustion, cough, a runny nose and a stomache ache. Two nights ago the doctor told me that my immune system was low and could not cope with the weather; he also said I should stop exercizing 'cause I'll be exhausting my body (since I have a low immune system I need more energy).

I cannot exercise for 2 weeks and I need to eat more.

Two nights ago after seeing the doctor, I thought since I couldn't excercise anymore I might as well see how much weight I've lost.

I was 81 kg (I was 81 last year, I worked very hard everyday to loose a measling 4 kg).
The next day I was 82 kg, the next 83.

I'm gaining weight like crazy, and I'm not even eating that much! Arrrgh!

Ironic? I got sick while trying to be healthier.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14296844/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14296844/ Thu, 23 Aug 2007 00:32:22 PDT
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bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...
bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...
bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...
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bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...bashiqu...)


I wonder who I should ask?

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14296798/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14296798/ Thu, 23 Aug 2007 00:27:02 PDT
Two C's, One CC

Three D's

I told ya I wouldn't cut it! I needed like, 5 B's.

Oh well, there are other schools in Brunei...I just don't want to cut my hair, I waited SO LONG for it to grow long (still waiting, trying to reach at least my waist)

I should study overseas...but with grades like this? Barely!

I guess it's back to my old plan A (just pass your exams, get out of school, get whatever job, save money, move out, change name, dissappear)

Except for the dissappear part, I might just stay in touch with a few friends...if I really have any...I guess I do.

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14283164/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14283164/ Wed, 22 Aug 2007 05:43:28 PDT
Around last year...

Dr. Gill had given me an 'open appointment' where I can call on her cell and arrange a meeting, but I had lost her number. I told my mother that I really wanted to see my psychiatrist; but my mother refused me to seeing her ever again.

"If you went to a psychiatrist, people will think you're crazy!" she said,"you should pray to God" or something like that (of course, she said this in malay).

At the time I was having alot of problems in school and at home. Everyday I convinced myself that something bad will happen, if not now later, if not in school at home; if nothing wrong had happened for the whole day I had to suffer at night.

I would get headaches and my nose would bleed and sometimes I would be sent home because I was so unfit. I admit sometimes I played hookey; I'd tell the driver to park somewhere close to school, wait for the time to pass (parents would be at work by now...) and go home or go to shops (rarely, but we did) or just drove around (driving for some time tend to make me sick, so I'd concentrate on that and wouldn't feel much guilt).

Anyway, the point was that my mother cared more about my faith and face rather than my health or feelings. Things like this happens quite a few times...actually quite often. Like when I lost a lot of blood and felt very under the weather and nauseous and tired, she asked me if I was on drugs! Like, how about asking me how I'm feeling for once! The closest I've ever heard to that that I've ever heard from her mouth was "What's wrong with you?!"

Well, according to my sister, talking to myself is not normal so...what do you think?!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14266506/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/14266506/ Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:43:55 PDT
I can go back to the old, cheap, and fustrating goverment school. It surely would be better for my parents financially, but definately not good for my mental health.

I hate most malay boys, I'm talking about those really annoying (to me at least) delinquent (usually) narrow minded idiots! They can ruin anyone's day but somehow I often attract these guys and not in the good way.

They always manage to raise my temper and I keep it in and before you know it I burst like an active volcano and I sometimes don't even remember what I did (this is serious guys...it's all a blurr)

Sometimes I feel like a joke, like I'm not good enough for them or my parents (that's another story) I often wish I never existed; that way I won't know suffering nor happiness, just nothing.

I'm so lonely, I've felt very alone for such a long time; perhaps it's better to be single, but sometimes I just wish there was someone, someone there for me at nights who would just cuddle me, wrap me in his arms and tell me softly that everything is going to be okay and just let me cry right there with mixed tears of sadness and joy or re-assurance.

Well, my Pc is getting a little hot... until next time!

]]> ~vertigoaddict http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/13923042/ http://vertigoaddict.deviantart.com/journal/13923042/ Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:01:30 PDT

We were to meet at the food court located on the top floor, close to the cinema. About 13 people showed ip; there we saw either new or familliar faces and introduced one another.


The above explination of this event is pretty obvious and sounds incredibly boring; plus you'd propably see the same thing in all the other bruneian deviant's juornals...so let's go to my random thoughts during the event, shall we?

"oh god! these guys look serious!"

"Oh, nevermind, they seem nice!"

"Shit! everyone here looks like someone I know!"

"...then again this is brunei..."

"I should start a conversation!"

"Everyone likes sex right?"

"Hey, a clown!"

"I like clowns!"

"It's the fact that they're creepy that I like, the funny ones SUCK!"

"I'm getting horny"

"Oh look, drawing!"

"Manga, Manga! Doesn't anyone here wanna draw scenery?"

"I don't though...I could..."

"Nah!"

"I'll just draw Faith (one of my characters for a game)"

"Arggh, mistake!"

"Just make it a guy"

"Kinda look like that guy in gokusen..."

"...or Slam Dunk"

"I hope all the colouring from that cake is gone...my poor lips..."

"I'm fat"

"I want a milkshake"

"But no one is buying anything...maybe I should wait"

"oh more people!"

"What? Monkey? Away? What?"

"I didn't hear them the first time, I should just keep quiet..."

"I want a boyfriend..."

"that guy looks cute"

"Too bad, I don't think he's my type"

"what about him"

"Hm... reminds me of Aminor, I guess he's okay"

"He even talks/sounds like Aminor"

"I wanna be a stripper! I'll really have to work out!"

"Foooood..."

"I'd really like to do that guy...although seeing him with that baby in his arms tells me he's taken"

"I wonder if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Pedophillia!"

"I like pedophillia!"

"I get so turned on by old guys, I have a feeling it's not normal"

"Oh, did someone say G-string?"

"I'm wearing one right now"

"Surprisingly it's not uncomfortable like it often is"

"Probably because my pants are so tight and my ass is so big; not a good combination!"

"Can I feel my ass?"

"Yes"

"Very well so"

"Oh, are we moving?"

"No, I can stay here"

"Oh, another guy"

"...it's a girl"

"Looks like my cousin"

"Almost everyone here does"

"K, Rai... that's all the names I know"

"How does this guy know me?"

"What you went to JIS?!"

"Barbershop?"

"No"

"I like singing"

"I love rock 'n roll! C'mon play it on the jukebox baby!"

(above thought played repeatedly)

"Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?"

"And the dogs are barking for the new moon, whistleing a new tune, Whishing it would come soon"

(above played repeatedly)

STOP

Okay, okay. I can go on forever! But I'm tired now; maybe later?

]]> ~vertigoaddict