http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:waswas1717&section=today deviantART RSS for by:waswas1717 en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:03:32 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/26778339/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/26778339/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:35:47 PDT
As he passes by the NICU he stops. He thinks he heard a cry. He goes inside trying to locate the source of that cry. He checks the incubators, one by one, all the babies are asleep. He always hated the NICU, he even hates their medicine. He reaches the last of the incubators, and stops there.

Unlike all the neonates here, this one sure is different. He approaches the glass, and grabs the chart. A premature female born to 28 weeks of gestation. He checks the file again, checks the name on the chart and on the incubator, its the same. But he thinks its impossible. As he looks at her again, she does not look like a neonate at all. She does not have wrinkles, she is not grisping her hands, and she does not have that red-purple tinge that all newborns have, rather she looks like a 9 months old cute baby.

Suddenly, she opens her eyes. The most strange eyes of a neonate he had ever seen. They were big, round eyes. The background is so sharply white against a dark black pupil. He knows that at her age, she is not supposed to be able to see him. All what she can recognize now is blurry shapes with no outlines. But she keeps staring at him, and he feels absorbed into her eyes.

he puts his hands on the incubator glass as he stares back at her. He knows for sure that the cry he heard is hers, but he does not know why. He even finds himself asking: Was it you? but all what he gets is the same stare.

He checks the chart again. She has all the problems he can recall an immature newborn could have. The immature lungs, the retinal problems, and even though her skin does not show it, she has high level of Bilirubin. He checks the the reading of the devices around her, and everything seems to be OK.

He washes his hands, bring the sterilized stethoscope, and insert his hands through the special openings, and starts checking her pulse, her breathing sounds, and her abdomen. With his limited expertise in Neonatal medicine, he finds nothing to report. As he was pulling his hands out, she raises his hand. she does not touch him. She just raises it. He looks at her face, its the same expressionless face, with that cold puppet eyes. But now, he can hear a loud voice in his head;

"Run"...

He keeps looking, and the voice keeps resonating in his head;

"Run"...

With that, she closes her eyes, and returns the way she was. He pulls his hands out, checks the chart again, takes another look at her, puts the chart back and leaves the room.

--------------------

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/24809153/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/24809153/ Sun, 17 May 2009 16:52:57 PDT
Your mind goes blank.. your heart rate reaches 200, And you're too overwhelmed that your subconscious takes over and takes that decision for you... And you feel grateful for that..

But the instant before your instinct kicked in..
There is something big that fills your entire brain with blackness
and you tremor.. You're afraid.. The feeling gets over you in a millisecond and you cant even move your tongue.. You can't take a breath, and everything is in blurry slow motion..

That instant.. You where paralyzed literally.. You can do nothing,,.. you can't even think.. You're dissociated from this world.. And you feel "I hate myself.. Is that all what I can do", "I hate this world", "why am I so pathetic"?

I fear it.. I fear this moment a lot.. And I have to face it a lot in my work.. It haunts me even when I want to sleep.

Its my only fear on this planet.. I haven't come to any mean that can help me overcome it.. And the worst part is, I know, I will die having the same phobia.. The phobia of that moment..

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/21289358/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/21289358/ Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:35:54 PST
Everything was pitch black; nothing was different. But he knew. The smile wiped out. Nothing was showing on his face. The pounding was deafening. He dropped his suitcase on the ground. He cared not for his surprise. He walked towards the bed, and the floor squeaked. He could tell, she is breathing no more. Only he was able to tell so. He could know without seeing. He could tell how was she from the sound of her breath.

A small light was coming through the door. growing stronger with each second. He cared not. Its right behind him. Shadows dropped on his face as he stared at her. Its becoming warm, he could tell, but he cared not.

He was dropping to the ground. The light has assassinated him, just as it did to his love. And as he was falling, He stared at the angel of love. He looked at those angel's hands, covered in his blood. And just as he was giving out his last breath, he smiled, and the angel nodded as he left the room.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/20569624/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/20569624/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:21:26 PDT
Whatever happened with me to make me write this journal, will add nothing to your life. So I am better without writing it. I believe its enough to say that it was painful. But with the immense amount of pain felt, certainly there was joy. Why? I don't know. Its the same feeling I get while I cut someone's abdomen open in O.R.. The first time I did it, it was disgusting. After that, every time I do it, I enjoy the smell of the burning flesh and I just cant get home to order me some B.B.Q..

Whatever gets in your way desperate readers and beloved fans of the twisted, hideous journal, hold on tight. The worst part is finished. Raise your heads up high, and look at life in its hideous face, and after spitting in its mouth, tell it how much enjoyable, the ride was.

Now, I am in a mood for a meat filled Pizza..
Have a nice day

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/20347767/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/20347767/ Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:58:55 PDT
In the meantime.. I am still in Syria counting the days and doing nothing but enjoying the free time to the degree of boredom. I miss work, and I miss .. killing, I mean, treating people. Also, thanx to maternal support, I am 10 KGs more in 20 days.. Woof.. Gotta escape soon..

Any advise on diets is really, really appreciated.. Thanx.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18914417/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18914417/ Wed, 18 Jun 2008 15:12:27 PDT
Be prepared. Satan has conquered, and we're about to suffer.

Lets have a fucking party. Kiwi juice is my treat, and we will whip saru brains and elephant guts till the morning.


Enjoy

KAMPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAII

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18488451/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18488451/ Sun, 25 May 2008 02:52:05 PDT nemuru mae to onaji katachi de
yume no deguchi wa itsudemo hitotsu
kanarazu koko e kaette kuru

nuritsubushita sekai no hate de
machiawaseta hito o matteru
sora wa shizuka ni ashita ni mukai
GUREI no machi o miwatasu dake

sugu soko ni «mitsukedashite» me no mae ni

kimi ga nozomu nara tokei wa ugokidasu
kimi wa shitteru mune o tozasu koto mo kagi o akeru koto mo
ai ni kidzuku koto mo kitto minna

toki ga tateba ai seru darou
hajimete atta hito o miru you ni
wasurekaketeta tomodachi no you ni
te o furu darou chikadzuku daros

keshiwasureta akari atsumete
hoshi ga futatsu umareta yoru ni
mata atarashii tegami o kimi no madobe ni
sotto todoke ni yuku

waratteru «kimi ga warau» kin-iro ni

kimi ga iru kara kaze wa yamu koto naku
kimi ga iru kara hikari furitsudzukeru
yagate shizumu toki mo netsu wa kienai mama kitto itsumo

kimi o miteiru sugu soba no kanata kara
kimi dake o tsutsumu toumei no kage ni natte

tsugi no asa ga kuru made sono yubi ga kogoenai you ni itsumo (zutto)

kimi ga nozomu nara tokei wa ugokidasu
kimi wa shitteru mune o tozasu koto mo kagi o akeru koto mo
ai ni kidzuku koto mo kitto minna

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18174637/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/18174637/ Mon, 05 May 2008 03:10:36 PDT
What if the victim is a helpless woman, whome you hold so dear to your heart. You try to defend, protect and somehow, find a way that might relief her sadness, even if its just a bit.

I have been there, I tried, and all what I ended with was, hopeless frustration.

Several years later, fate twists, and I witness another dear family member, commit the same injustice that has befallen upon us before. It seems to matter him not, to commit a sin he has wittnessed its effect on a family. You speak with him, argue with him, and even fight, but after all the frustration and preaching, you end up labelled as jealous, kid, or whatever it is that might insult your love, and respect.

You point to the previous victim, you shout "Have you not seen the suffering ... been through" "Have you no respect to your word".. and again, I was left with nothing more but, hopeless frustration.

It saddens me greatly, and it hurts deeply to see whats being done. Have I done enough? Should I do anything more? Is there a way to help? all builds up inside, and I find nothing to release all of the hidden anger.

If praying, preaching and fasting were the elements of true religion, then I condemn that religon with failure and disrespect. God needs none of those. And I am truly wounded to see whats being done is performed by a guy, who claims to understand religon.

If fear of god is only going to drive me to pray, and fast, and at the end of the day do such deeds, then I have no fear of him. It can't be, and I wont believe it. I believe those deeds should be done out of love. On the other hand, its fear of god that will stop me from hurting people.

I am no religous man. And also, I am not wise enough to preach, but I know that if you know people are going to get hurt by what you do, then you will have god to answer to. And its only then, true justice shall prevail.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/17200039/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/17200039/ Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:16:17 PST
He stops, tired, after a long time of continuous walking. He looks around him, Nothing. Everything is pitch black. Just the way when he started. The darkness has finally reached him. It is in his blood, and deep within his heart. He has become part of it. He, who thought he would conquer it, has finally given up and surrendered. Like all of those who were cursed into this desert. Now, he feels tired. His legs are aching, and his back is screaming out of pain.

There he lies on the ground.. Facing towards whats supposed to be the sky. He can hear his own breath, he can feel his chest rising with each breath. He can sense his own breath with his fingertips. He wants to sleep, he wants to surrender to that sweet temptation and let go of all creation, for he knows that if he sleeps, he will never wake up.

Amidst the darkness, a single beam of light shines. Is he dreaming? The beam is so small, but yet it is hurting his eyes too much. He is not dreaming then. Its true. He reaches his hand, and he could block it. A surge of energy poured into his bloodstream. He stands up, checks the light, tries to catch it, attempts to figures it source, and it was then, it came clear to his mind.

He reaches the hilt on his waste, unsheathes his sword, and with all the power he has, he blows the sand beneath him. Few seconds passes, and cracks starts to form around the sword. And bright light shines from the cracks. He takes his sword again, and blows the air around him. The darkness is replaced by bright light. Just as he throws his last blow, the whole darkness is wiped out.

As he inspects the world he uncovered, he sees the corpses everywhere. All facing the sky, just the way he was few moments ago. Now that the path is clear for him, he knows that, Its darkest before dawn.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16957389/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16957389/ Tue, 19 Feb 2008 06:37:44 PST
The first thing that came to my mind was the face of a woman. And although I never spoke one word with her, she used to occupy a large fraction of my mind. A hope I always had was to propose to her. A hope that was buried twice. First time was in my 3rd year in Med school, when mom informed me that she got engaged. The second time, was after her divorce. She was married for a couple of years and had a little child. She refused me as a husband to her and a father to her child. And although her mother hinted later that she changed her mind. I decided not to act; for I knew this was not her saying in the matter. And it was shortly after that I moved into another city.

I started my work on the same day of my arrival. I gave up hope on myself as a human being long ago, and decided to dedicate whats left of my soul to other people. I spent as much as I can in the hospital. Took 3 nightshifts a week, attended more than 250 operations. In my arms, I held 3 people giving their last breath. With those guilty hands, I wrote the death certificate to more than 25. With those transparent eyes, I witnessed more than a hundred dead bodies. And with deaf ears, I heard the weeping of countless souls.

As memories kept flowing, I opened my chest, allowed all the dark blood to spill out. Looked at the muscle represinting my heart. Its there, leaking what seemed like blood, motion-less; Without life. Dark and silent like everything surrounding me tonight. Both of us has died; And both of us decided to pretend that we're alive.

Two days after the beginning of my vacation. I was going out of the building as that face looked at me again. She was visiting her mother. And as I looked at her I put a smile on my face and asked her about her life. She laughed, and informed me that soon she will have her second child delivered. While I was closing the door behind her, I could sense the numbness crawling up all the way, to surround my brain.

Its still not beating. Oh I love you my dark heart. As you leak blood to cry those we did not help, I shall drink kiwi juice for both of us. "The journy is still long", I whispered. I closed my chest. Threw the can away. Took a final look at the ancient city. Started my car and went back home. There, both of me and my heart, can continue the act, of the living dead.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16795718/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16795718/ Sat, 09 Feb 2008 06:19:53 PST
So, let me share with you the following medical advise:

1- SMOKE: yes, please do.. But one cigarette per month. You have lots of nicotinic receptors inside your body. when you smoke, you will activate them. You will feel a rush of energy. Just be careful not to exceed the amount mentioned.

2- Where do you keep your tooth brush? If the bathroom is the answer then allow me to inform you that you have been consuming Urea with a lots of bacteria. The urine produced by the human beings is volatile, and with the urea comes bacteria.. So, you get the picture. Clean your toothbrush, and keep it away, away from the bathroom.

3- Eat more meat, and less vegetables: Yes, I am your man. But, again, to a limit. Lots and lots of studies have proven that lots of vegetables carry carcinogens (tomatoes, cucumbers ....).. So, if you were avoiding meat and eating lots of salads, you have been doing wrong. Change your diet, enjoy the meat and some vegetables, consume some more fibers by other ways, and have a healthy life.

4- NO VITAMINS: yes, Oral ingestion of vitamin c as tablets or effervescent in a daily manner is proven to cause liver cirrhosis. And lots of other vitamins do so. If you're not in a need for daily supplementation (i.e., nephrotic/cirrhotic patients) grab your multivitamins and flush them down the toilet.

5- SEX: Arrgghh.. I advise people to do so frequently though I can't. Sex increases the level endorphins which lowers blood pressure and dilate heart arteries. It also increases the amount of HDL (the good cholesterol) and lowers the bad one , LDL. So, if you're married, go have fun with your spouse, and improve your health.

After these little, hopefully helpful, pieces of advise, I wish you all the health you can get. Although I am a doctor, I am looking for a day when I am jobless.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16710221/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16710221/ Sun, 03 Feb 2008 16:02:38 PST [link]
People die!! Yes they do. And as you watch them do so, part of your inner self becomes numb. It hurts?!!... Only at the beginning. And as people continue to die, the numbness grows on you, crawls on you, and consumes you. And unless you're hit by a lightning, you will stay numb for the rest of your life.

I was hit by that lightning. In the place I fear most. E.R.. There, where agonizing pain screams deafens you. Where grave diggers and undertakers are most welcomed. Where death certificate are frequently sought, and printed.

She was not my patient. Nor I ever knew her. She was screaming, but I did not care; I could not. She was young; twenty at max. Streaks of blood covered her face. Passing her by like the rest of screaming people, her physician stops me, he wants to talk. He wants me to witness, as all means of purity get sacrificed on the temple of greed and lust.

Her marriage was yesterday, to a man in his fifties who already had a triplet of women unable to satisfy his sexual desires. And as she refuses to submit to his sexual fantasies, he turns into an animal and she gets raped on the night she dreamed of having since she was a child.

Lightning struck me, and hell unleashed its flames inside my eyes. I went to her room, saw the man, and with all the power god provided me, I swung my hand towards him, hoping to break every bone in his body. Prevented and dragged by my colleagues, I was sent back to my room.

There, I sat. And a book with Hitler photo occupied my vision. And with one verse resonating in my head, I kept staring for a long time.
The holy Quran saysيوم نقول لجهنم هل امتلات .. و تقول هل من مزيد ؟
(when we say to hell: Are you full, and the hell replies: Is there no more?!!)


هل من مزيد؟...

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16502001/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16502001/ Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:51:29 PST
With every step, I could hear my heartbeat getting louder. The gush of blood as it filled my veins suddenly became annoying. The cold air diffused from my lungs and went down to my stomach. The tips of my hands went numb and I could feel them no more. With eyes turned into cold white marbles, I took a look at the building.

The building looked like every other building; gray and surrounded by long leafless trees. Although I stood near to it, I could not see its top, for it was covered in that gray mist. I looked at the names of the residents, and there it was. They're still here. My heartbeat was deafening now; I could hear nothing. The cells inside my blood were broken as they hit the layer of ice under my skin. And my head stared to spin. And with feet so heavy, I started to climb the stairs.

I finally got to see it. That old brown door. As I approached, a familiar smell ascended to fill me up; and a sudden rush of mixed feelings filled every part of me. I no longer had any kind of control over my actions. Each muscle had a will of its own and I was merely responding to their orders.

The bell sounded the way it always did. Heavy steps were approaching; and it only took a few seconds to get the door opened. With a face as cold as the weather, the old lady stared at me waiting for me to speak. And just as cold, my voice came out. And My question was asked.

She examined me, measured me up from head to toe. Her face was confused now. For a few seconds, both of us stood there in utter silence. Electricity was mixed with the cold weather, and started to infuse both of us. But she was stronger. She fisted her hands, whispered few words, and closed the door.

Her answer mesmerized me. Memories started to burn inside my head. And there, I was standing, feeling colder with every passing second. Electricity felt stronger. And under the loud sound of my heartbeat, I could make out another sound. It was a sound of an old lady crying.

I left after a few minutes. It was near dusk. The dark creatures of the night will start roaming in few hours. I started to walk with one idea inside my head; to meet those creatures and tell them the end of the story. And we shall celebrate till dawn; for another heart has been filled with darkness.

Wasim
19.12.2006

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16237985/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16237985/ Thu, 03 Jan 2008 10:26:16 PST
For the love of god, of all the real people you meet daily, you couldn't find one that suits you?!!!! I was thinking that it couldn't get any more pathetic while he was giving me the details of his major "encounter". At the end, he looked at me and said, "You're not convinced". With no answer coming from my side he continued: "I pray that god will torment you and give me the chance to see you "burning" in the flames of love with a girl you met over the net".

A couple of patients died that night. Once I got home, I showered then I hugged my pillow with eyes that could barely open. 2 hours later I was still sleepy, my eyes were still as tired BUT my brain kept thinking of his words. Trying to force that speech out, I called Dominoz pizza and opened the TV. Dumb Arabic shows all over. Ah, I needed to check something on the net. Browsing my usual sites, my mail, jumping from one website to the other. I saw her photo.

Right then, a small creature started pushing my heart forward inside.I said to him: "If you don't hold still I will rip open my chest and will kill you bare handed". He aboded. But he was restless. Checking the photo again, made him move again. This time I let him move for a while before I order him to go stand still.

For the last 4 or 5 days. The creature declared war and grew dramatically. Each of us was hitting vital parts of the other and hoping for a win. And both of us were asking: What will happen if I win?

Today, I announced my victory. With my hands, I encircled his neck. He was pure, he was white and had a scent from heaven. My heart was beating so fast. My skin was pale. My muscles were aching. I couldn't look at his innocent eyes but I knew after a while that he was breathless, I took a deep breath and collapsed on the floor. I was breathing so fast, my whole body was shaking and cold drops of sweat covered my forehead.

And as he was being absorbed into light, I collected what was left of my powers, stood up and managed to put up a grateful smile while whispering: Thank you, friend.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16133561/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/16133561/ Fri, 28 Dec 2007 04:58:40 PST
Hell ya, if you're wondering who lost his eye (although I doubt anybody reads my twisted journal), then you will have to finish reading the whole journal.

He came to me showing his god damned sick smile. The kind of smile that makes you disgusted with your favorite kind of food. Yellow spotty teeth, and an odor that would make Lucifer dive deep into the hell's lava to avoid it. He started speaking to me, in a low pitched squeaky tone, with each sentence whispered into a different ear. Understanding his words, a chill hit my spine and traveled all the way to the tips of my fingers. I couldn't breath for a second, and as he submitted my slavery papers to sign them, I took the pen, took a last look at his dirty face, and after that, the whole scene was bloody.

he wanted it, he provoked me, he wanted to enslave me, and he wanted me to do it with utter obedience. This is my payback, and its the start of my comeback. And if you still wanna know what the hell I am speaking about, then by all hell means I will tell you. Its my goddamn .....

This was playing:
[link]

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/15750802/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/15750802/ Sat, 01 Dec 2007 14:12:13 PST
Whats showing? I assure you its not a romance novel adopted into a movie, neither it is a good-ended action flik where all the bad guys will die.

Its a fucked up stinking smile of the god damned devil smiling at your face through his pointed sharp teeth. he's smiling, laughing with a loud voice that deafens your ears. He knows, that you're incapable.. No one is capable enough.. No one will be capable enough. Closing hard my eyes, clinching my teeth, shutting off my ears wont work. I know it, and again he knows. For fuck sake, pause the cursed smile. Stop the bloody show. Cease the people suffering.. what do I get? A clearer look at the sick movie with my hands pushing that button.. The FUCKED UP PAUSE button.. and you know, you need to sleep..

Have a fucked up dream..

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/14765602/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/14765602/ Sun, 23 Sep 2007 22:50:41 PDT فقـلت لها لو كان رهن الموت من ظمأ فقلت قف عن ورود الماء لم يرد

These are a couple of verses from an Arabic poet, translation:
She said while asking about the one she loves, please describe him without any additions or negligence. He said that if your lover is going to die from thirst and you told him not to drink, then he wont.

Sure thing, no matter how fluent I am in English, I don't think I will be able to translate them 100% accurately, but I am going for the purpose that made the poet say them.

How much are we willing to do what our lovers tell us, to what extent are we willing to surrender. Love is not about surrender, or submission one might say. I might agree or disagree about that. But is not it true that fulfilling your lover's desire will result in a better state of harmony, I dont think anyone will doubt that.

What if that lover will answer your love with peace in your heart and brain, with guarantee of success in whatever you do in your life, with a promise that you will reach self satisfaction. Would you neglect such an offer, would you disobey him?

Another poet said:

تعصي الإله و تزعم حبه هذا لعمري في القياس بديع
لو كان حبك صادقا لأطعته إن المحب لمن يحب مطيع

Translation: You disobey God and claim that you love him, I swear that this is one of the wonders. If you genuinely love him then you would have obeyed him since the lover obeys the one he loves.

We have to think again of what we're doing, and we have to really start practicing our love.

]]> ~waswas1717 http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/11044521/ http://waswas1717.deviantart.com/journal/11044521/ Tue, 12 Dec 2006 19:50:33 PST Away from my usual world -Hospital, Patients and Senior doctors/residents- I miss the time when I used to put my headphones, sit on front of my screen and lose myself in the world of Photoshop.
Being recently rejected to become a husband, wasting time became a hobby. Whether reading, studying or watching; Nothing seems to fit.
Well, flowing through me, both time and emotions becomes more and more valuable. Lets evolve, let the brain work, lets help the patients, and finally, lets forget about me..

]]> ~waswas1717