I officially fail at life now.

I didn't pass the driving test like some fucking retard, excuse my language.

I'm a complete idiot. I missed a stop sign. How hard is it do that? I didn't even see one there to begin with. I parked perfectly, I put my blinker on correctly for every turn I made, and I did everything else perfectly, except for turning a little too wide on some of the turns. You know what the driver instructor said my problem was? I wasn't aggressive enough in my driving. What the hell does that mean?

I drove early in the morning, before all the traffic picked up downtown, and I didn't miss a turn lane, intersection, blah blah blah. I did everything right. Test anxiety got the best of me. AGAIN. What the hell is wrong with me? I've tried everything I could to calm myself, but I guess I really screwed up this time. I feel like a failure.

Part of the test was driving back in the neighboorhoods, where little kids roam around and stuff, and I had to be careful driving because of that reason. I guess that's another disappointment I have to hold on to, until another 30 days, when I can try and get my license again. I don't understand life.



All my friends were like, "Well, If I can pass it, Jenny, then you can definitely pass it." They all had good-humoured, happy instructors in the car with them when they were taking the test. I got a guy who was a total pissed-off, grouchy guy who laughed at me like I was stupid. He gave me the death stare the whole freakin' time. I was shaking before I even got in the car. I backed out right, I turned almost perfectly. I did EVERYTHING the way it was supposed to be done. My friend Joanna was telling me that it's really all about the person you're with when you're taking the test.

Hell, I drove home late last night, my first time night-time driving, and I did fine in downtown city traffic, going up and down hills and curves, and pulling in the carport PERFECTLY. I even drove up the mountain today from my dad's house to my house, and I did fine. I wasn't even nervous driving up the mountain with all the hills and turns. It's easy for me. I'm even good at driving with one hand and I was sick this afternoon, and I managed to drive home.

I even drive past cops all the time, and they don't pull me over or question my driving, so I musn't be doing anything wrong. I feel really stupid that I didn't pass the test the first time. I passed the written learner's permit test with flying colors, and I do have the common sense to drive. I just get really nervous real easily. And the guy in the car made me feel nervous with his negative remarks. I did everything I was told to do. I was aggressive enough last night and today, driving in traffic. I know how to drive.

I sound too cocky, huh?

I don't give a shit.

-Jen.