...with a visit to my neurologist. He told me that the MRI results showed that I needed to consult with a surgeon within three days or run the risk of quadraphoresis. Turning the wrong way, picking up the wrong object, or stretching just so, could cost me the use of my arms and legs for life. The next day I informed my employer that I was taking a medical leave of absence.

For the next three months I spoke with four neurologists, two neurosurgeons, two osteo-surgeons and a specialist in poly neuropathy. Every single one of them performed a different examination and every single one of them had a different opinion. The only thing they seemed to agree on was that surgery would not help me. The MRI shows that the herniated discs in my neck are impinging on my spinal cord, but there is still enough room for the spinal fluid to move around it, so it is not a true "blockage." The discs above and below my previous fusion are blown, but hey, too bad so sad. Next.

I've been living with chronic pain for years now, and I thought I had it pretty well under control. Pain meds, therapy, and meditation were all tools that I used to help me stay conscious and alert enough to work. When the tremors started, it became impossible for me to continue working, since my life revolves around use of the keyboard, and the keyboard was no longer my friend.

The despair settled in when the entire medical profession seemed to want to leave me hanging. Since my symptoms are unpredictable and sporadic, every doctor seemed to have a different idea about what the problem was.

We finally got mad when the last neurologist took one look at me (no exam, mind you) and said, "Hey, he looks fine to me. It must be diabetic neuropathy."

Carol dug out the camcorder again and documented my symptoms at their worst. She showed how my arms are jumping uncontrollably and my toes are curling in on themselves. We took the video with us for our next visit to the neurologist and showed it to him. Carol asked, "Now doctor, does THIS look like diabetic neuropathy to you?"

I wish you could have seen the doctor's face. His eyes were as big as saucers. His chin dropped. He snatched a copy of his report from my hand and said, "Is that what I wrote? That's not right. This is nothing like diabetic neuropathy at all!"

SUCCESS AT LAST!!!!

My hands are still shaking as I type this. In fact, as I consult the clock I see that it has taken me more than two hours to type this much in so far. But now, at least a little of ths shaking is because I am so excited. We finally got someone in the medical profession to get down off his high horse and see what we've been saying all along!

You know what he thinks might be needed now?

Surgery.

Can you believe it?

After all this fooling around, we have come full circle back to where we started. Most likely, there is enough pressure being put on my spinal cord by my broken discs in my neck that it might indeed be causing these symptoms.

Before we go that route, we're going to have one more consultation though. We're going to see an expert in dystonia (inexplicable movement) to see if there might be any other explanation for the strange twitching, jerking and uncontrolled movement in my extremeties. If he thinks surgery might be warranted, we're going to the spine experts at Seton Medical Center in South San Francisco for the procedure. My doctor there is the man who performed the world's first disc replacement surgery, so you just know I'm going to be in the best hands possible!

Still, I feel a strong sense of relief. I don't hold out much hope that I might be able to resolve the chronic pain, or that I might even be able to have any sort of an actual life (with very rare exceptions, I have not left the house except for doctor's visits for more than two years). But if I was at least able to get back to work I wouldn't have to worry about being on disability or having to worry about whether the insurance company was going to fight me over my symptoms too.

I continue to give thanks every day for all the support and love of my friends here at dA, and in the real world, who keep me going and my spirits high.

While I would not recommend viewing it, here is a link to the video we showed the doctor:

[link]

It's hard to watch, especially if you'd ever seen me during my golden days as a fit, able, and strong man, so bear that in mind before you click away.

Meanwhile, I'll... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/13736768/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/13736768/ Mon, 16 Jul 2007 10:54:01 PDT

I had a great phone call today!

I've been notoriously bad at keeping up with things lately, but if you've been following my recent adventures I'm sure you will understand. I had to log in to tonight for at least a few minutes to say a giant "THANK YOU!!!" to my dear friends and for taking the time and spending the long distance money to call me! What a wonderful treat to hear both of your voices, and I can honestly say that you have made my life worth living for at least another week!

I love you both so much more than I could say in a short phone call!

When Barb and Anna called, my dear wife Carol was working on inhibiting the involuntary muscle tone in my legs and arms, so the combination of her treatment and the voices of my lovely, and much loved, friends on the phone have prompted me to stop in and update you all on my progress, and on some upcoming events to watch out for.

-=> UPDATED BIT STARTS HERE<=-

I've posted a big "thank you" to everyone as my first video journal entry at [link] so do please let me say thanks almost-in-person to everyone!

-=> UPDATED BIT ENDS -- BACK TO REGULAR BORING ENTRY <=-

I have seen another couple of "experts" recently, but I am no closer to a diagnosis than I really was last time. We have at least been able to rule out some of the more dreadful neurological disorders that can afflict a person, so I can say for sure that I do not have ALS, or Parkinson's or MS. Those are all neurological disorders marked by the body's immune system attacking the myelin sheath that protects the nerve from outside influences. In my case, the myelin is fine, but the axions in my nerve cells are dying for no apparent reason. This prevents the correct signals from reaching my arms and legs, so I get the tremors, shaking, jolting and outright jumping out of my skin that I have been experiencing.

I had an EEG this week, and more tests to come. Right now we are checking for the presence of heavy metals and other environmental toxins. Since I live less than 200 yards away from a strawberry field that is being heavily dosed with methyl bromide, we are trying to see if I might have been poisoned there, too.

I promise to do a better job of keeping you all abreast of my adventures. I have been tossing around the idea of doing a video journal instead of this typing, since it takes me so much effort to use the keyboard these days, so if you tune in and see a link to a video, it's probably just me taking advantage of the web 2.0!

Meanwhile, continued blessing to everyone, and don't forget me.

I'll be back.

-=b=-

Join us to Fire the Grid this Wednesday!

I received an email message from at least three different sources last week alerting me to a chance to help bring about a huge change in the world. I'd like to pass it along to all of you and invite you to join in on "firing the grid" and opening up the healing energy of the Earth spirit to allow a new world to be formed. I am not as eloquent as I would like to be in order to get the word across to everyone, so I will simply point you in the direction of the source website to get complete information:

Go to FiretheGrid.org for more!

All you have to do is join in with all of us at 11:11 GMT on July 17th (that's 4:11 am PST) and spend an hour adding your healing energy to the healing energy of the thousands of others around the world who will all be concentrating on jump-starting the grid. Your thoughts, prayers and meditations can help create enough energy to light up the universe!

Meanwhile, pass along the love, from me, to you, to the next person....

-=b=-

You know, the thing I like most about the new CSS styles is being able to display my entire stamp collection in a box only 200 pixels high! I don't feel so bad about taking up space on your screen, and... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/13464622/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/13464622/ Sat, 23 Jun 2007 20:43:01 PDT

...and the moon said...

"Sorry, chap. I'm afraid I dunno you. You sure it was me you was lookin' for?"

I stopped to think, and then I realized. The moon was right. It was a couple of moons back since the last time I was here.....

As you can probably tell, my spirit is (mostly) still intact these days, but a lot has happened since the last time I was here. It's very, very hard for me to type this, so please read real slow.

I filed for short term disability in May, shortly after my last journal entry. While I have seen a number of neurosurgeons, osteopathic surgeons, neurologists, and other pain medicine specialists, the only thing they seem to be able to agree on is that putting me through a surgical procedure right now would not do my as much good as it might do me potential harm.

The closest they have come to a diagnosis is that I have diffuse polyneuropathy, which is defined in wikipedia as a neurological disorder that occurs when many peripheral nerves throughout the body malfunction simultaneously. It may be acute and appear without warning, or chronic and develop gradually over a longer period of time. Many polyneuropathies have both motor and sensory involvement and some have autonomic dysfunction. These disorders are often symmetric and frequently involve distal extremities.

Good definition. In layman's terms (aka "language I can understand"), my tremors are so bad that I have an exceptionally hard time hitting the correct keys on the keyboard when I type. My toes, which were as flexible as chimpanzee toes just a few months ago, have curled into claws that clench and unclench throughout the day....but not from anything I do. None of the mental commands I send them cause them to unclench.

Only the repeated treatments provided to me by my wife have been able to give me enough relief to relax for a while. Nights are worse, since I flail uncontrollably and shout out loud in the rare moments I am able to sleep.

The times I am not twitching or flailing leave me so exhausted that I can not lift my coffee cup to take a sip. Can you imagine a computer programmer that can't drink coffee? Oh crap. Just shoot me in the ass and get it over with. Life is not worth living without coffee.

Although...now that I think about it... these fresh Watsonville strawberries are pretty good at giving you a reason to wait another day to pull the trigger.....and what's that you've got there? Chocolate? What do you do, just dip the berry in there, like this?....Oh...gawd.....nebber mind....I'm not gonna kill mysewf wif a mouf fulla' chocochocochocochocolate!

( For a fun exercise, try typing that in while blindfolded and flailing your arms randomly at the keyboard. Now you know how much I must love you to torture myself like this for the sake of comedy. I'll do almost anything to put a smile on your face.)

Ah. Delicious. But now to the point. I've already taken more than two hours just to enter this much text.

Since my time at the keyboard is so limited, I have not been able to visit for many weeks. Until the doctors find a way to control my shaking, I will not be able to come back for at least several more. Some of the drugs we are trying have very difficult side effects, and even though they may control the shaking, they may not allow me to maintain enough mentality to put together three sentences in a row.

What was that? Can't do what now? Hey! You guys in the back row better knock that off!

I could not let one more day go by without at least acknowledging all the wonderful angels, spirits, prayers, good vibes, and hopeful wishes that have come to me from this community. People I have never met, folks who barely know me, deviants who might have seen my name in a gallery somewhere, deviants that I have never heard from before, administrators and gallery directors, and all my friends have taken the time to send me their best wishes.

All of these kind words have gone straight to my heart.

I have not had the time to answer every one of the hundreds *yeah, there's a lot of 'em) of messages in my inbox, but as soon as am able, I will make it a top priority.....at least right after getting back to work, and I will respond to all of you individually. I consider each one of you more than just a friend, but a family member. I mean that folks, and I want you to know that your good hearts will not go unrewa... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12898584/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12898584/ Wed, 09 May 2007 10:54:49 PDT

Where Did Bill Go?"

My dear friends,

Yesterday I returned to my Neurologist for a follow-up visit to discuss the results of a recent series of MRI tests I performed a few weeks ago. I knew as soon as I heard the doctor say "Uh-oh." that things were not going as well as I had hoped.

In fact, the doctor urged me to immediately check myself into the emergency room of my local hospital if I detected any changes to my symptoms at all. I am under orders not to lift anything, stretch, exercise, or move my head rapidly. If I do, there is a very good chance that I will become a quadraplegic.

A few year ago I had a cervical fusion of the spine in my C5-6 vertebrae. I knew at the time that there was a 40% chance the discs above or below the fusion may also require a fusion within 5 years of the original procedure, but the odds were good enough that I thought it worth the risk and had the surgery. Rather than curing my symptoms, this procedure brought a whole new batch of symptoms with it, including (as I have now learned) the almost complete compression of my spinal cord from the discs above and below the original site.

I will be visiting a couple of surgeons early next week for a second opinion and probable scheduling of surgery. Until that time, and undoubtedly for quite some time afterward, I will be unable to work at all, including working on my art and visiting with my dear, dear friends here on dA.

While I am away, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Your loving energy added to my own optimism and the pure white light of love my dear wife provides me with will be enough for me to effect a positive outcome of this immediate crisis, and will help me return as quickly as possible.

Please know that I cherish every one of you, dear readers, and that I will be working my hardest to return as swiftly as possible to a state of good health so that I can return to my favorite pastime with you here on dA.

-=b=-

You know, the thing I like most about the new CSS styles is being able to display my entire stamp collection in a box only 200 pixels high! I don't feel so bad about taking up space on your screen, and I get to share all the cool stamps I've been collecting!

Stamps
=wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12708498/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12708498/ Mon, 23 Apr 2007 18:04:00 PDT

Have I finally found my style?

My regular readers know that I like to highlight the works of a new artist in my journal by using a different CSS style sheet for every journal entry. This is a great way to focus on the hard work these diligent coders do for those of us who like to add a little personal style to our journals.

The problem with this is that it means I must really have something important to say before I go to all the trouble of adding a new style sheet for a new journal, and that really has stifled my creativity in this area. Since I shut down my old blog in favor of using this journal, I feel like I've been cheating the folks who have read my silly output from the start.

With that in mind, I have created this "Journey Journal" design from my own graphics and a re-write of some CSS code I picked up from ^kuschelirmel. I'll make this style available for anyone to use, but I'll use it as my fallback style for those times when I just can't muster up the energy to implement a whole new design.

Living on the Faultline

I've poked fun at a few of my friends in Oklahoma, so they have responded in kind by supplying me with this list:

You know you're from California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember… is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: 'STORM WATCH.'

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers, and cosmetic surgeons.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Featured Artist

http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12484754/ Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:41:44 PDT

A New Layout for My Friend Phil!

Today's CSS style is one I created specifically for my friend Phil, a.k.a. . Phil is a consummate fractal artist who has been a friend of mine since my first day here on . Since we are both so busy these days, I offered to create a new CSS stylesheet for him to organize his journal, and then promptly took months to do the actual work. I hope he doesn't mind the delay, and I hope this stylesheet will meet with his approval!

Since this style uses graphics directly from Phil's gallery, it is not available for public use, but don't fret! I'm working on another design quite similar that uses my own graphics which I will make available to all subscribers who might be interested in using it!

Meanwhile, be sure to check out the galleries of and who both go well out of their way to create some beautiful designs that are available to anyone to use!

Coyote Ugly?

I have a number of friends who live in Oklahoma, and one of them sent me this joke. If you are not familiar with the state, it is just north of Texas, long known for having everything bigger than everyone else. Naturally, this has given Oklahoma a bit of an inferiority complex, which is illustrated by this tale that originated in Texas....

An Oklahoma Ranger answered the phone one day to find his friend, the Texas Ranger on the line.

"Hey, Okie," the Texan said, "I was riding the range and came across one of your coyotes caught in a trap. Why don't you mosey on over here and pick 'im up?"

"Well, how do you know he's a coyote from Oklahoma and not one of your mangy Texas coyotes?" asked the Oklahoma Ranger.

"Simple," replied the Texan. "He's chewed off three legs and he's still caught in the trap!"

Since this style sheet was created just for him, it only makes sense to declare *bluesman219 our Featured Artist!

Featured Artist

=wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12394928/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12394928/ Sun, 01 Apr 2007 13:16:13 PDT

The Updated Bit Goes At The Top!

I've always had a hard time when people have updated their journals and then hid the updated bit away in the middle of the text. I read too many to be able to discover which parts are new or to remember which parts I've already read.....

Anyway....the point of this update is just to mention that today is my birthday. Really. April 1st. No joke, although you can bet I've heard them all by now! I won't tell you how old I am other than to mention that it was Easter Sunday on the day I was born, and it has not been Easter on April first since that day!

Ho hum. Really? Who cares?

And now, back to our regularly scheduled mayhem....which has, incidentally, not been recently updated, in case you're already bored with it all....

Thanks Where Thanks Are Due

Let me start by saying thanks to for suggesting my work titled "The Extra Hour" would be worthy of receiving the Imager's Fractal Daily Deviation (IFDD) for March 28th, 2007. [link]

I have been watching these daily submissions from my first day here, and I consider being appointed as a member of that company is a very high honor indeed. I'm excited to be able to add the "I was featured by" stamp to my collection at last!

Thanks also go to for the CSS used in this journal. As I work on new designs for myself, my friends, and the deviant community at large, I enjoy being able to share others' work with you. Besides, you know I'm a sucker for a sailboat!!

There's been a lot of talk lately about giving credit where it's due. Some artists have hours, days, weeks, or even months of effort co-opted by hackers who see it as an easy way to get what they want without having to get their feet wet. Well, wade in folks. If you are a subscriber you can prett-fy your journal easily with CSS designs created by some of the most interesting and unique artists in the world. Is it gonna kill ya to give a nod to those who inspired your work when you modify one of their designs to suit your own purposes? I don't think so, really. Do you?

You Don't Know Jack!

[This is such an old groaner for any of us who have been around USENET since the early nineties, but I recently sent it out to my personal humor mail list and got a lot of comments from folks who had never read it! Just goes to show ya that what's in fashion now will always come around again if you just wear it long enough, I suppose....]

DO YOU KNOW JACK?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt marrie... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12078926/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/12078926/ Tue, 06 Mar 2007 09:56:07 PST

::News::

If you've been reading my journal for any length of time, you know that I like to feature a new design with every entry.

Today's journal CSS is another featured style by one of my favorite stylesheet designers, *Lilyas. She has really stretched the envelope on creativity with journal CSS, and yet made it accessible to anyone capable of a little copy-n-paste work. Her work is beautiful, as this stunning journal shows, and she deserves every bit of your support. Stop by and tell her how impressed you are!

:: PJ Soaps ::

I thought I was the only one out here working with soapcasting as an art form until I received the latest newsletter from my favorite supplier (Bramble Berry) highlighting the work of this fabulous artist!

PJ has just celebrated her first full year of online sales, and I was floored to see how much effort she puts into every bar. Take a look at this geisha, for example:

And what about this amazing cameo?

Look at the detail in the beadwork!

If you ever spent a moment enjoying any of my designs here on , you owe it to yourself to check out her amazing gallery at PJSoaps.com.

Be sure to tell her Bill sent ya!

::Bubba Chuckle::

One of my redneck friends in Oklahoma sent this to me. I couldn't help but laugh....

Each Friday night after work, Buba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic...and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "you were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved...until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called imjmediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:

"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

::Featured Artist::

http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11915367/ Wed, 21 Feb 2007 22:45:57 PST

::News::

If you've been reading my journal for any length of time, you know that I like to feature a new design with every entry.

I was ambushed by a tag today, so I have not had time to research a new design, so I will repeat myself, as I may so rarely do from time to time. Please forgive my lack of creativity this time and chalk it up to the fact that I have about ten more minutes before the drugs I took a half hour ago knock me unconscious for the next eight hours.

Today's journal CSS is another featured style by one of my favorite stylesheet designers, *Lilyas. Along with ¢mynti, she has really stretched the envelope on creativity with journal CSS, and yet made it accessible to anyone capable of a little copy-n-paste work. Their work is beautiful, as this stunning journal shows, and they deserve every bit of your support. Stop by and tell them how impressed you are!

::Really Tagged::

I've been tagged by my dear friend Carrie, aka , which I suppose is only fair since I tagged her last time.

In case you have not been tagged, or if you do not know someone else who has been tagged (and really, where have you been?), the rules are simple: you get tagged, you answer silly questions in your journal, you tag someone else, they answer silly questions in their journal, and so on ad infinitum...

25 QUESTIONS ON COMPLETELY RANDOM THINGS...

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4?
"The FIB had been created to take the place of both local and federal authorities after the Turn" -- Kim Harrison, "The Good, the Bad, and the Undead.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can?
Ouch. Why would you want me to do that?

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
TiVo'd American Idol from last night

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
10 p.m.

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
10:04 p.m.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Tonight's episode of American Idol on the TiVo in the other room.

7. When did you last step outside. What were you doing?
I haven't been beyond the doorstep for more than a week. At the time, I was on my way to a Valentine dinner/dance at the Elkhorn Yacht Club. Sounds pretty snooty, but on the Monterey Bay the EYC is the blue-collar yacht club for those of us who are lovers of the sea and not millionaires. Before that, I haven't been as far as the mailbox since Christmas. I don't get out much.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My schedule for the morning to see just how early I really have to get up. I think I can skate 'til about 10, then the meetings start to hit the fan.

9. What are you wearing?
Big heavy socks, twill pants with elastic on the ankles and waist, a Polo solid color rugby shirt...pretty standard stuff for me.

10. Did you dream last night?
I dream every night, and more vividly than ever since I started taking class 2 narcotic painkillers a couple of years ago.

11. When did you last laugh?
I laugh several times a day. The one that comes to mind most clearly involves some horseplay in the bedroom while we snuggled hiding from the lady who cleans the house....but that's already too much information....

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Very little open space. Aside from the bookshelves, I have framed many of my own deviations, some wonderful prints from my friends , and
=wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11841373/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11841373/ Fri, 16 Feb 2007 11:23:22 PST

::News::

If you've been reading my journal for any length of time, you know that I like to feature a new design with every entry. Today's journal CSS is another featured style by one of my favorite stylesheet designers, *Lilyas. Along with ¢mynti, she has really stretched the envelope on creativity with journal CSS, and yet made it accessible to anyone capable of a little copy-n-paste work. Their work is beautiful, as this stunning journal shows, and they deserve every bit of your support. Stop by and tell them how impressed you are!

::The List::

Next month, my beautiful wife Carol and I will be celebrating our 34^th year of dedicated monogamy. We met in 1973 while we were both in high school in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and we married five years later.

Now, anyone lucky enough to have been in a committed monogamous relationship longer than a few years knows that as love matures from that first rush of lusty heat into long-lasting embers of trust and kindness, the excitement that kindled your relationship also tends to flicker and wane. Sometimes, one spouse or another might look outside the relationship for that sort of spark, thinking it might bring some excitement back into their lives. In a tight relationship, this can cause pain, anger jealousy and other fear-based energies to enter and break a relationship apart.

In order to head off this sort of thing, Carol and I came up with a LIST during an earlier part of our relationship. I hope finding out about our list may help another young couple (or even an old couple like us) to find some joy and remove those negative emotions from their lives.

Here are the rules:

You both get a list of ten names. If your spouse should find you in bed with anyone on the list, then you are immediately and permanently forgiven, and no hard feelings can possibly ensue. Simple enough. Of course, there are a few caveats...

You can't put anyone on the list that you actually know. No friends, co-workers, relatives, pets, whatever. No one you could ever really actually have a chance with!

This simple list has afforded us many, many hours of laughter and joy. Whenever we happen to be in the company of friends and someone my wife finds lust-worthy happens to appear on the TV screen, she looks at me and says, "He's on the list!"

We immediately break into laughter and everyone else in the room gives us silly looks until we explain. Then, of course, everyone else starts to speculate on who might be on their own list!

Sometimes, there even comes someone who might appear on both of our lists. While we are both very hetero, Christina Aguilera and Beyonce appear on both of our lists. Carol has promised to let me watch if she ever manages to bed either one of them!

Of course, in the spirit of magnanimity, I have also agreed to let her participate if I ever manage to get Christina or Beyonce in bed. That's me: generous to a fault!

If she ever gets Justin Timberlake in bed though, I'll just wait in the other room until they're done.

So, now you get it. Who is on your list?

-=b=-

::Featured Artist::

http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11506209/ Sat, 20 Jan 2007 13:41:59 PST About this Journal CSS and Other News

• This is another journal CSS that I have developed from concepts originated by ^kuschelirmel. You are welcome to use this journal stylesheet for your own purposes, and I will upload it to my gallery soon after the publication of this journal entry. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please feel free to comment below.


• My apologies to everyone who has grown accustomed to the inclusion of a humorous tidbit in my journal entries. Not that I have suddenly become as sober as a judge, but that this particular entry is plenty long enough already! I'll get funny again next time -- I promise!

Tagged and out?

There is a recent development making its way around lately with many of us being "tagged" in the journals of our friends. Getting tagged requires that you publish a list of personal or revealing information about yourself and then tag six other friends to reveal items about themselves as well.

I've been tagged by my friend Tracy, a.k.a. .

My first reaction was, "oh, no, now I have to create a journal entry that I'm not really ready for!", but then this morning I watched a wonderful movie that reminded me of my real purpose in spreading information and sharing my art with others. The movie is "The Celestine Prophesy" and although it is a wonderful experience, it was shown only in a few theaters before finding its way to DVD in December. Not many people got the chance to watch this movie, but it was based on an international bestseller that has been slowly spreading its way into the consciousness of the popular culture since 1992, and it certainly goes a long way toward describing my philosophy of life.

So, instead of posting some inane list of things like, "I like chocolate" (well, duh! after all!), I decided to share the Celestine Insights with you, and will tag six of my friends to encourage them to either pass on these insights, or to share their own insights (spiritual, political, or otherwise) in their own journals. Instead of spreading lame facts, I'm going to try spreading some loving energy....

Without further comment or ado, here goes....

THE CELESTINE INSIGHTS

1. THE FIRST INSIGHT . . . A CRITICAL MASS
   A new spiritual awakening is occurring in human culture, an awakening brought about by a critical mass of individuals who experience their lives as a spiritual unfolding, a journey in which we are led forward by mysterious coincidences.


2. THE SECOND INSIGHT . . . THE LONGER NOW
   This awakening represents the creation of a new, more complete worldview, which replaces a five-hundred-year-old preoccupation with secular survival and comfort. While this technological preoccupation was an important step, our awakening to life's coincidences is opening us up to the real purpose of human life on this planet, and the real nature of our universe.


3. THE THIRD INSIGHT . . . A MATTER OF ENERGY
   We now experience that we live not in a material universe, but in a universe of dynamic energy. Everything extant is a field of sacred energy that we can sense and intuit. Moreover, we humans can project our energy by focusing our attention in the desired direction...where attention goes, energy flows...influencing other energy systems and increasing the pace of coincidences in our lives.


4. THE FOURTH INSIGHT . . . THE STRUGGLE FOR POWER
   Too often humans cut themselves off from the greater source of this energy and so feel weak and insecure. To gain energy we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce, human energy is the cause of all conflict between people.


5. THE FIFTH INSIGHT . . . THE MESSAGE OF THE MYSTICS
   Insecurity and violence ends when we experience an inner connection with divine energy within, a connection described by mystics of all traditions. A sense of lightness--buoyancy--along with the constant sensation of love are measures of this connection. If these measures are present, the connection is real. If not, it is only pretended.


6. THE SIXTH INSIGHT . . . CLEARING THE PAST
   The more w... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11448989/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11448989/ Mon, 15 Jan 2007 14:50:06 PST About this journal style...

This journal entry's CSS style sheet is an original design I created based on the original work of *kuschelirmel-stock, who created a template called "City" that I have already featured in an earlier journal. I specifically created this journal's CSS as a gift to my friend Becky, aka *MoonlitWitch. I wanted to give her something to help enhance her experience here at without making her learn a whole new craft to do it! I have also made this CSS available to the world at large, if you are inclined to use it yourself!

Test for Dementia

Thanks to my non-dA friend Roger for submitting this bit of inanity!

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so ... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

So, take the following simple four-question test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." Don't cheat by looking at the answers until you've come up with your own responses!

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

Did you get past question number 1?

Don't worry. Neither did anyone else I asked.

Featured Artist

Club(s)

http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11375963/ Tue, 09 Jan 2007 14:41:26 PST Cherried-out Journal

If you've been following my sporadic attempts at humor by reading my journals, you already know that I try to highlight a new stylesheet for every entry. I enjoy cruising through the Journal CSS category to find new designs and styles for journals. I like to support the efforts of those artists who have not only designed some exciting new elements, but have also made it so easy for other subscribers to apply the designs to their own journals.

This is the second journal entry in a row to feature the work of

This time, it's Cherry CSS.

Please help support the efforts of stylesheet artists by visiting their gallery and faving their work!

Tah-dA!

Thanks to Everyone!

1,000 PageViews!

How I Became a Cat Person

Totally Against My Will, Of Course!

[This is a blog entry from last year that I have uploaded here by popular request....okay, I really uploaded it because I thought Anna would enjoy it! -=b=- ]

It occurs to me that I never talk about my cats enough....

Okay, it never really occurred to me that I never talk about my cats enough. It occurred to my cats that I never talk about my cats enough, and they are making me write this entry. Unless I'm spending my every waking moment devoting my full attention to them, I am not adequately serving my purpose as a warm, food-vending, animated cat-sleeping furniture device. Writing this missive counts as attention.

Anyone who knew me growing up would assume that I would never have any truck with a member of the feline species. The few interactions I had with cats usually involved one of us getting tripped down basement stairs, or scratched mercilessly while attempting to make friends. And by "one of us" of course, I mean me.

The one exception to my lack of affection with cats was many years ago with a singular neutered male owned by one of my oldest friend's former girlfriends. I loved that cat.

(The term "neutered male" refers to the cat. I think. I better re-read that paragraph again. Yeah. Okay...)

Her cat would play fetch for hours on end with crumpled cigarette packages you tossed around the house. The sound of cellophane being rustled would bring the cat running from whatever room in the house he was sleeping in (a cat's number one occupation). He would sit on the floor with his eyes riveted on my hands while I crumpled the package into the tightest ball I could. If my attention was diverted by the conversation, he'd emit a loud meow to make sure I was focused on his needs. Once I threw the package, he'd shoot across the room and try to pounce on the paper ball before it came to a stop. My favorite spot to aim for was under the stove in the kitchen, because the floor was so smooth and he was moving so fast, it was impossible for him to come to a stop before slamming into the stove. Cruelly, I never got tired of this cat abuse. Once he had been sufficiently tuckered out playing fetch, the cat would snuggle up in my arms and let me pet him while he napped. My reward I suppose for being such a good throw.

I'm pretty sure this doesn't count toward "cat interaction" though, since this was obviously the behaviour of a dog who had earned a particularly ironic twist on the wheel of karma for sins committed in a previous life and was reincarnated in the body of a cat.

My conversion began on a sunny day in our new home in Las Lomas, California, shortly after my birthday in 2002. I was sipping on my coffee with the morning sun warming up my legs on the front porch, watching the hummingbirds flit in and around the feeder we kept stocked for them on the front of our home.

Around the corner of the house came a young cat with caramel markings on a mostly white coat. Without hesitation, he walked right up the stairs of the porch, jumped into my lap, and fell sound asleep. Carol... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11351521/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11351521/ Sun, 07 Jan 2007 14:50:57 PST Journal CSS

Support your local coffee addict!

If you've been following my sporadic attempts at humor by reading my journals, you already know that I try to highlight a new stylesheet for every entry. I enjoy cruising through the Journal CSS category to find new designs and styles for journals. I like to support the efforts of those artists who have not only designed some exciting new elements, but have also made it so easy for other subscribers to apply the designs to their own journals. This entry is using Chocolat CSS designed by

Please help support the efforts of stylesheet artists by visiting their gallery and faving their work!

My Artisan Collage!

Prepared for me by *ArtisanCrafts

I recently joined my first club here on and am proud to declare myself a member of the Artisan Crafts club (see the stamp at the bottom of this journal entry). As a new member, I was kindly given a collage designed just for me with links to some of my work:

Because of this honor, I find myself overwhelmed with new comments and praise for the soap art I've created. This is a singular joy, but it also makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with replies to all the wonderful new friends I have met!

I'm determined to catch up though! It may take me weeks or even months, but I will eventually answer each and every comment, even if it ends up being a "gee, thanks" kind of thing!

Famous Cat Quotes

From my friends at Kitty Kondo

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln

"One cat justs leads to another." - Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Unknown

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." - Joseph Wood Krutch

"With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?" - Fernand Mery

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." - Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine

"We humans are indeed fortunate if we happen to be chosen to be owned by a cat."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

"How we behave toward cats here below determines our status in heaven." - Robert A. Heinlein

"No heaven will not ever be Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." - Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb

"If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much." - Mark Twain

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"Dogs be... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11246681/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11246681/ Sat, 30 Dec 2006 15:04:29 PST

Faves
Soap
Wallpaper
Photos
Digital Art
Skins
Website

This journal CSS is the creation of the wonderful *Lilyas, who is kind enough to create and share her hard work with everyone. Visit her gallery to find a style that suits your taste and follow the simple paste-n-play instructions. (I especially love the drop-down menu that graces the header, don't you?)

Free Time? What's That?

I really thought that taking a full week off between the holidays would allow me to catch up on all my correspondence. I imagined myself dropping jewels of wit and wisdom into each and every one of my friends' mailboxes, and responding to all the kind comments on every on of my deviations. Well, if the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then I can measure out a two mile stretch and call it my own. Can I get one of those nice blue signs from the adopt-a-highway department to let the damned know who's picking up all the litter?

Silly, I know, but take this generic journal entry as if it were intended for you and you alone, because my heart and thoughts have been with you all during the holidays. I especially want to send out a "hollah" to Anna, Barb, Tracy and Phil for all the times I've worried or wished them well over the past few days!

Holiday Bash

Since my dear wife Carol was born in the week leading up to Christmas, she has been given short shift on presents over the year. I try to make up for it, but there is only so much one guy can do, after all. Every year we debate whether to do something special for the New Year and ever year we decide to leave the parties to the amateurs. No sense using up all our driving karma in one night dodging drunken revellers on the slippery highway! This year we'll be hosting a little informal drunken Bacchanal at home for a few select friends....and naturally I'm neglecting my duties by writing this journal entry instead of cleaning up all my soap-making equipment from the kitchen counter!

Today's featured artist is my wonderful friend

who was kind enough to feature me in one of her own recent journal entries. Turnabout is fair play, but I'd be happy to feature her even if she had not already done the same for me!

RESOLUTION

...is not just something we talk about at the beginning of the new year around here, it's also the name of my boat! The Resolution is a 30 foot S-2... ]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11138955/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11138955/ Thu, 21 Dec 2006 13:21:03 PST Merry Christmas!

I've been gone for a while, and am likely to stay gone for the remainder of the holidays. So much to do, so little time to do it. As I write, I am waiting for the knock on the door from the first of many work colleagues who will be celebrating the holiday with our office party. of course, since none of them get to see me at any other time of the year, the office party is being held in my home office! A dozen or so co-workers will be here in minutes, so I'm scrambling to get this written...

My beloved stamp collection...

...has gotten too large to fit comfortably in my journal, so I've moved it into my shoutbox instead. Did you even know there was a limit of 64 thumbnails per journal entry? Neither did I until I surpassed that number by a couple of dozen....

My favorite holiday joke of all time!

A guy walked into a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. The storekeeper said he knew exactly what would please her and took a little bird out of its cage.

"This is Chet," he said, "and Chet can sing Christmas carols and songs." Seeing the look of disbelief on the customer's face, he proceeded to demonstrate.

"He needs warming up," he said. "Lend me your cigarette lighter."
The storekeeper lifted Chet's left wing and waved the flame lightly under it. Immediately, Chet sang: Oh Come, All Ye Faithful.

"That's fantastic," said the customer.

"And listen to this," said the storekeeper, warming Chet's other wing.
Chet sang: O Little Town of Bethlehem.

"Wrap him up," said the customer, "I'll take him!"

When he got home he greeted his wife: "Honey, I can't wait until Christmas to show you what I got you. This is fantastic."

He unwrapped Chet's cage and showed the bird to his wife. "Now, watch and listen."

He raised Chet's left wing and held him over a Christmas candle that was burning on the mantlepiece. Chet immediately began to sing Silent Night. The wife was delighted. As Chet's right wing was warmed over the flame, he sang Joy To The World.

"Let me try it," said the wife, seizing he bird. In her eagerness, she held Chet a little too close to the candle flame. Chet began to sing passionately:

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire!"

Featured Artist

*Lilyas


Today's featured artist is not only a talented artist (as if that weren't enough), but also makes a point of going out of her way to provide aid and assistance to other artists and newbies here on dA. She has created some of the most beautiful, functional, and easy to use Journal CSS templates you could ever hope to find. I'm honored to be on her watch list, and I think you owe it to yourself to spend some time trolling through her gallery. You won't be sorry!

Featured Artist

]]> =wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11044396/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/11044396/ Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:18:51 PST

Happy Holidays!

Today's CSS is courtesy of none other than ME! That's right...I finally got off my lazy ass and worked up a bit of holiday cheer to go along with my journal. I didn't want to leave all the hard work up to my friends, after all! Clip art courtesy of Corel.

[The Updated Bit: I neglected to mention earlier that I was completely inspired by the amazing work of *kuschelirmel-stock who showed me how to think "inside, outside, and around the corner from the box" and has created an absolutely stunning holiday journal that you can use yourself!]

Today's Featured Artist

Today I am featuring the art of my dear friend =altergromit in honor of her Daily Deviation for her deviation titled Dear Deer. Anyone who knows her is already a fan of her work, and more importantly a fan of her warm personality and kind heart. Once you meet her, you surely will agree.

The Birth of a Tradition

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Ho Ho Ho!

If I don't get another chance to say so, let me take a moment now. I've been a member here now for only three months or so, and I have never felt so strongly connected to a community and a group of friends in my life. Like many of us, I tend to be a bit of a recluse, all the more so since I telecommute from home. It has been a great joy of my life to have met so many fine people and I want you all to know how much I appreciate every one of you who have been kind enough to drop a note, leave a comment, or otherwise encourage me. Your good wishes mean the world to me and I am grateful every day for having met you all. Have a great holiday!

Stamp Collection

=wm-d http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/10983111/ http://wm-d.deviantart.com/journal/10983111/ Thu, 07 Dec 2006 12:02:06 PST COBWEBS IN THE WINE CELLAR

Random Ramblings From An Old Barkeep Too Long In The Barrel

Thanks to =lockjavv for his hard work on this entry's Journal CSS. He has taken the original work of *Lilyas and created new designs using her template. This is an excellent use of resources to spread the joy, and you should stop by =lockjavv's gallery and give him some love.

Today's featured artist is ~Celtic-Dragonfly, a new friend I found while stumbling blindly through dA one night. She creates some really wonderful and whimsical sculptures that I'm sure you will enjoy.

My dear sister in law was kind enough to send me a link to a very popular video on YouTube. This was the first time I'd seen it, so I was overcome with emotion when it displayed on my screen.

The FREE HUG project was started by Jason Hunter after the passing of his mother in 2001. The site states that their mission is "letting every single person know that they matter through our committment to the community." Since dA is such a strong community, this seems the perfect place to share the love.

While I watched the video, I was literally thinking of each and every one of the wonderful friends I have made in my brief stay here. You have all been so wonderfully supportive and caring that my heart is at least "three sizes too large" as the grinch might say! I was inspired to create this stamp to commemorate and support the project:

Today's Funny: LETTERS TO SANTA

(Man, that Santa is a hardass! )

IF Santa Answered His Mail Honestly...

***************
Deer Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? 'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

***************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

***************
Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

***************
Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, so me G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa

***************
Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa

***************
Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making l... ]]> =wm-d