http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:x-brand-new-name-x&section=today deviantART RSS for by:x-brand-new-name-x en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 25 Nov 2009 02:46:33 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27997154/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27997154/ Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:21:05 PDT
idk if it's from guy drama or what

I just wanna forget about it

I need a guy who can help me forget about this stupid drama

WHO WANTS TO DATE ME?
(guys only)

ahahahaha

yeah, I so feel like shit, I have no idea what's wrong with me, I just need a hug that involves a good thousand people

e-hug plz?

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27456400/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27456400/ Sun, 27 Sep 2009 19:30:10 PDT
yay or nay?

plus I like this other guy, so yeah, idk

I slow danced with him yesterday at the dance, he's totally acting like he likes me again.

we were popping balloons with my heels xD

I KNOW I'M JUST NATURALLY HILARIOUS

...not

and he was being all suicidal and stuff on friday because he got taken to the police station for a really retarted reason and couldn't go to the game, so I had to knock him out of that

(he's not really suicidal, he was just upset)

but idk about this other girl, he has her as his second friend on myspace, while i'm his 6th, but idk if he did that intentionally...i've been his sixth for like...ever.

but yeah, and there was this bad news freshman who wanted to dance with me, but I didn't, I told someone to tell him to leave me alone

what's with all these guys hitting on me all of a sudden?

and I got my hair cut and colored today...haven't had it cut in over a year

so yeah

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27392803/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27392803/ Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:49:29 PDT
HE'S BI AGAIN

....


isn't this the most confusing person you haven't officially met?

last week he was totally denying that he was ever bi and now he is again

he says he wants to ask out this one girl, but i'm kinda thinking that he's just trying to make me jealous...or not...I have no idea...because he might still like me, and I kinda wish he still does

BUT ANYWAY

the problem is, once he revealed to me that he wants to ask out this other girl, I just got so freaking jealous, it's not even funny. I LIKE HIM..THIS IS PROBLEMATIC.. I don't WANT to like him but I do...ugh why must this happen to me? I KNOW he does bad things but it doesn't make the feelings go away I kinda wish they would. ugh, this is so messed up...

I got asked to homecoming by this other guy who's a friend of mine, and it's so fricken awkward, I told him as friends, but still, it's just SO AWKWARD. I don't really even want to go to the dance...bleh...and I was like so depressed on sunday because I knew I probably wouldn't get ask, then, low and behold, he asks me......ugh every guy in this school is ugly except for like...5%...I am dead serious

I just want to find some awesome guy so I can just forget this high school crap...but that's NOT REALLY HAPPENING

bleh

save meeeee

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27122406/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/27122406/ Wed, 09 Sep 2009 19:58:58 PDT
in case you're interested, I don't think that guy likes me anymore....now he's all saying he's gay and stuff again


and i'm just like YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE, BE THAT WAY YOU sOUFISYEVBRISUHEDR

he makes no sense what-so-ever

UGH

anyway

it feels like there's 4 guys pulling me in 4 different directions right now

first, this guy, who's an emotional train wreck

then there's the guy I used to like, who I thought I was over, but just found out i'm not

then there's this other guy who works at the grocery store

and then there's this other guy who goes to my church

so idk what to do, who to go after, and yeah

i'm SO TIRED

and i'm just so sick of having this lonely feeling, and especially after this guy just drops me like i'm hot for some other idiot...

and he totally lied to my face yesterday, he said he was smoking weed with pages of the bible (which I found very offensive) and my friend was like "if you don't believe in God, then WHY do you have a bible?" and he came up with some lame excuse

and I was just like OHHH YEAH, YOU GOT PWND
he pisses me off a lot
and I just realized recently that there's never been any pictures of him WITH his "supposed boyfriends"

HMM who wants to guess how many times he's lied about that

like one time he said he got laid like 3 times before school one day

I was like "PFF HA YEAH RIGHT" because come on, that's not even realistic

but yeah, the guy who goes to my church is like, in college, so idk if he'd even like me, but i'm like friends with his sister(s) but mostly the one who's my age.

I just feel....so lame

and i'm taking 3 college classes this year, plus 3 other classes

yaay i'm a senior

hmm what else is new

I failed my drivers test twice, take it again next thursday, and if I fail it again, then I HAVE to renew my temps......which is more money

so I REALLY hope I get it, because I keep missing the bus and interfering with the work of my mom and bro

and my "best friend" is being weird lately...
k I like can't 'even pay attention to what i'm writing

so I should probably go to bed

laterz <3

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/26027045/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/26027045/ Sat, 18 Jul 2009 13:48:16 PDT
he admitted he likes me, but not to me

he still doesn't know that I know

but anyway, he started getting intimate with this guy who he thought was his soul mate, while I was away at camp, and he was going to propose to this guy (fricken stupid, I know)

then right after, the guy said he likes someone else

so mr. mopey gets all depressed and complains to me, broken hearted, and i'm like, w/e

BEFORE THAT
and MY FRIEND TOLD HIM "dude, you are so fricken stupid, dumping *me* for this guy" cuz she was the one he told he liked me

and he thinks she's a bitch now (probably because she was right that he was crazy for proposing to this dude)

SO now it's pretty much like I don't exist to him...I still don't know if he even likes me (i'm guessing, but I don't know), and he hardly talks to me anymore

probably because I told him on tuesday/monday that "relationships aren't all about sex" and he thinks they are, and I pretty much told him that I think he's lied to me, and apparently he hasn't, but yet i'm pretty sure he has, so he's probably pissed off at me for accusing him

i'm just so damn confused, AGAIN, why can't he just tell me he likes me? i'll probably turn him down because he's the exact OPPOSITE of what I want, I mean he drinks, smokes, probably does drugs, it's just not right

i mean what the hell, why do I always get the messed up people in my life?

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25646784/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25646784/ Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:53:47 PDT
but guess what

he finally admitted that he likes me

but not to me, he told my friend that he can't get me out of his head

and then like 3 days later he said he's gonna propose to this one dude

so yeah, pretty confusing shit here

met a bunch of hott guys at camp, and a couple friends

but one of the guys i liked my other friend kinda took

so pretty bummed about that

we like, stalked this guy, and he knew about it, lol

so anyway

stay tuned to my confusing guy life

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25374006/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25374006/ Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:38:00 PDT
like 2 days after I posted that I talked to him again, at a grad party...actually I picked him up

and he came over to my house for the first time, and my other friend was here... he was still like all over me, and we've talked like every day since that saturday...on IM and text message and stuff

but yesterday, he was asking me like how I saw myself and what I think of myself and to like describe myself to him and stuff...

and my one friend said that he is trying to figure out what it'd be like if we dated or whatever

but then later on he told me that he felt bad about how I gained a bunch of weight because of my dad and then lost it really fast... and I guess he's somewhat worried about how I don't eat sometimes, but I DON'T have an eating disorder, and I do eat, so idk why he's worried...I mean I don't really like my body, but I don't starve myself

and i'm like so scared that he might use me for sex or something...and he's a gossipper, and my friend just told me to be careful, but this is the first time i've experienced something like this, and I hope I just don't fall for it...

I mean, I don't think he'd do something like that, but I mean, he's had sex with guys, and I don't wanna get some weird gay disease or something...even just a kiss could give me oral herpes (idk if he has it but still)

and my mom likes him, but she also told me to be careful, and I wish I didn't have to be careful! it just bothers me so much that I have to be on constant "guard" of myself just because of him...and I think I might start liking him back...

so I don't know what to do, he goes(went) through boyfriends like nothing...but then even when everyone thought he liked me he got another boyfriend, which lasted for like a week, so I don't know...

bi guys are sooooo confusing

OH AND GET THIS
my best friend JUST told me that the guy I used to have a crush on for like ever, he told her back in march to tell me that he didn't deserve me, and how I was so nice and how I deserved someone better than him, but she told him to tell me, but he never did. He told her this after bi-guy told me that he didn't like me...

now i'm not sure if I believe that or not
and she told him "come on, you guys belong together, like you have no idea"
and it was true, we were so compatible it was crazy

so I don't know what to think of that

and I got a sunburn on my leg, what's up with that
and I can't change my mood, raawwwr

Oh and i leave tomorrow for camp meeting, i'll be gone for 10 days, fun stuff...

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25281357/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/25281357/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:16:53 PDT
yeah, still confuses the hell outta me...we went to the DQ on wedensday, still acted boyfriendish

but we've been out of school for the past week, and I haven't gotten any texts or anything, so yeah I have no idea

AND I have recently developed an enormous fetish for Jasper Hale.
YES the extremely hott blonde one from twilight


I just finished the twilight series like last week, but I didn't get to see the movie until monday or so. But omg, EVERY GUY IN THAT MOVIE IS HOTT

ok there's a few exceptions, but none of them are ugly in the least...
and that taylor lauhtner, he's a freakin' babe in the second one, not so much in the first.

but anyway, so yeah, got a pretty boring summer ahead of me. I'm going to a camp to work next week for a week...gonna make some money there.

And i'm getting stupid low self esteem again, stupid summer's fault

so glad school's over though, I was getting pretty sick of it.

and uhh
yeah

AND I'M FINALLY GETTING A CAR
I found this 2006 tdi jetta that I like SO MUCH, it's like my dream car, but it's 15,000 dollars, and mommy doesn't really wanna spend that much. and I completley get that, and I know i'm really lucky to even be getting a NICE car at 16, most of the kids around here drive their parents' cars.

but I want that jetta so bad...it's got tinted windows, a spoiler, a moonroof, black leather, white exterior, and it's a STICK (idk why but I want a stick shift really bad)

but I don't know, it's asking a lot from my mom who doesn't make very much money

but my grandma said she'd help pay for it, but I don't have a job, and i'm TRYING to find one...that's not going so well... and I don't wanna work damnit, i'm taking 3 college credit courses next year, my senior year, how am I supposed to get all my homework done, and study, and take a job?


but anyways

driver's test is in a month, kinda worried about that
MORE money also

*sigh*

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24981137/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24981137/ Wed, 27 May 2009 14:44:35 PDT
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[x] You own a credit card.
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[x] You've done your own laundry.
[ ] You can vote in an election.
[x] You can cook for yourself.
[ ] You think politics are interesting.
TOTAL SO FAR: 5

[ ] You show up for school late a lot.
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[x] You've never gotten a detention.
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[x] You like to take walks by yourself.
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up.
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week.
TOTAL SO FAR: 10

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[/] When you say you're going to do something you usually do it ( depends on what it is)
[x] You can mow the lawn.
[ ] You study even when you don't have to.
[x] You have hand washed a car before.
TOTAL SO FAR: 14.5

[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up.
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[x] You can type pretty quick.
TOTAL SO FAR: 17.5

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[x] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay
[ ] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day.
[ ] You have been outside of the United States 3 or more times.
[ ] You make your bed in the morning.
TOTAL: 19.5

*** Repost this with the subject as: I'm (real age here) but I act (score here)



what
the
fuck

I mean honestly

this guy has me so confused

besides lunch, he's all over me

and otherwise he pretty much ignores me, except in some cases

and I think he pretty much has lied about a great deal of things in his life

like, he says he has a boyfriend now, and how he got laid TWICE this morning

and I tell myself "pff yeah right...school starts at 8?"

so i'm kinda pissed off

I just wanna know what's going on

i'm so confused

and I kinda like this other guy but I hardly talk to him

UGH HELP MEEE

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24759357/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24759357/ Thu, 14 May 2009 18:36:59 PDT
he treats me like i'm his girlfriend!

I swear, everyone probably thinks we're going out, but we're not

I mean, he gives me hugs ALL the time and links arms and touches my sides and tickles me and e v e r y t h i n g

BUT YET today he was telling me about this hot guy that I should date (because he's apparently "bi" now remember)

WHAT IS GOING ON

I don't wanna ask him cuz then if he doesn't can you say "AWKWARD"

and then yeah

and the thing is, I don't even know if I want to date him, or if he even likes me like that

people say he does, and it is kinda obvious, but I don't know

but nobody else really shows any interest, so yeah

I am so fricken confused

and he cut his hair so he's practically bald, so he doesn't really look that great, and I told him that, but idk if he'll listen

and he apparently smokes, and God knows what else he does

it's just so weird

ugh what the hell


any ideas?

oh and these new skins are purdy cool

EXCEPT WE CAN'T USE THEM

...feck

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24603907/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/24603907/ Tue, 05 May 2009 15:36:35 PDT
sup everyone

not much here

pretty much over that douche bag now

my friend derek who is confused about his sexuality (who was formerly gay but is now apparently bi. he has an obsession with touching my sides and suprising me and hugs from behind. people say he likes me idk)

SO anyway

he goes up behind my former crush and does that tickling poking side thing to him and he turns around with this pissed off look on his face and then derek's like "IT WAS HER she did it" and I was kinda hiding behind him and he was like "see that's why she's hiding behind me" and I was like "oh yea, sure"

and then I flipped him off, and then he said something like "mmk maybe later"

so yeah

I could kill him

and he was also chasing me around and attacking me yesterday for my cellphone

and I found out he smokes...not too happy about that...and I was told today that apparently he deals, which pisses me off more, but idk if it's true

but I am so damn confused because idk if he likes me as a friend with "benefits" (not in a sexual way) or what. And there's this other guy I just befriended who I got the feeling somewhat likes me also...

I am so damn confused...

but yeah, nothing else really new

getting more confidence in myself. that's good I guess, actually yeah that is good because not liking yourself sucks.

and uhhhhh for some reason 2 of my friends are after this really druggy ugly guy and I DON'T KNOW WHY

he's ugly, and a dumbass, and he talks in a slow/weird way

I would not touch him with a 10 foot pole.

and hmmm... i'm really into chevelle right now. I LOVE THEM

and kiwi is still cute

why don't I update this more? I don't come on DA as much as I used to

OH if you have a myspace, give it to me so I can add you

and now i'll take this quiz

What color/kind of socks are you wearing?
[ ] Red = loud
[ ] Green = stupid
[x] None = freaky
[ ] Fuzzy = gorgeous
[ ] Yellow = innocent
[ ] Purple = a little too happy
[ ] Black = emo
[ ] Stripes = funny
[ ] Gray = skanky
[ ] Pink = preppy
[ ] Light blue = sweaty
[ ] Other = hot
[ ] White = sexy

What kind of bottom half are you wearing?
[ ] Shorts = cutie
[ ] Skirt/skort = skank
[ ] Corduroy = faggot homosexual
[x] Tight jeans = scene kid
[ ] Ripped jeans = emo
[ ] Cammo = cage fighter
[ ] Jeans = prep
[ ] Cargo = clown
[ ] Sweats = athlete
[ ] Boxers = brat
[ ] Booty shorts = female
[ ] Capris = Gangster
[ ] Nothing = hoe
[ ] Dickies = weirdo
[ ] Bikini bottoms = tiki girl
[ ] Skinny jeans = beast
[ ] Other = sex addict

What is your natural hair color?
[ ] Auburn = that every one wants to make out with
[ ] Blonde = with a broken heart
[ ] Black = with a sexy smile
[ ] Dark brown = with a hot boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ] Red = that likes to have fun
[ ] Brown = who loves to be different
[x] Dirty blonde = with sexy eyes (i've been told that before)
[ ] Bald = with herpes
[ ] Other = with a nice ass

Pick the month you were born on:
[ ] 1 = who ate
[ ] 2 = who needed
[ ] 3 = who killed
[ ] 4 = who shot
[ ] 5 = who killed
[ ] 6 = who smoked with
[ ] 7 = who farted on
[x] 8 = who ran shirtless with
[ ] 9 = who got stabbed horribly by
[ ] 10 = who cuddled with
[ ] 11 = who slept with
[ ] 12 = who ran naked with

Pick the day you were born on:
[ ] 01 = the kool-aid man
[ ] 02 = a dog
[ ] 03 = a shoe
[ ] 04 = a toothbrush
[ ] 05 = Santa Claus
[ ] 06 = The Trojan man
[ ] 07 = Barney the dinosaur
[ ] 08 = a prostitute
[ ] 09 = a porn star
[ ] 10 = a bag of weed
[ ] 11 = a lover
[ ] 12 = a glass of milk
[ ] 13 = a horse
[ ] 14 = a lesbian
[ ] 15 = a stripper
[ ] 16 = a pickle
[ ] 17 = a Jew
[ ] 18 = a homo
[ ] 19 = an orange
[ ] 20 = a dildo
[ ] 21 = a homeless guy
[ ] 22 = a whore
[ ] 23 = my crush
[x] 24 = an Easter egg
[ ] 25 = a jar of honey
[ ] 26 = a condom
[ ] 27 = a bowl of cereal
[ ] 28 = a French fry
[ ] 29 = Micheal Jackson
[ ] 30 = Paris Hilton
[ ] 31 = YOUR MOM

Pick the color of the shirt you are wearing
[ ] White = because I love marijuana
[x] Black = because I'm sexy as hell
[ ] Pink = because the voices told me to
[x] Blue = because I have AMAZING boobs
[ ] Red = because I'm a pimp and your jealous
[ ] Polka Dots = because I hate my life
[ ] Purple = because I'm gay
[ ] Gray = because I got dared
[ ] Other = because that's how... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23697380/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23697380/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 16:09:12 PDT
turns out my freshman friend wasn't lieing

the guy doesn't like me, he likes the girl that's been all over him for how long

BUT last week he said they were just friends, now how does that work? and he said the same thing in november.

my gay guy friend talked to him and that's what he said
so i've been kinda bummed out

I mean, i've liked this guy for over a year, and he didn't even have the balls to talk to me

AND the really confusing thing is is that he acts like he likes me

So I have pretty low self esteem again, because no guys like me... well I dunno, they don't talk to me atleast...

The only guy that I knew liked me was like....a nerd, but he's had like a lot of girlfriends

and I found out the kind of person he is, and I definately do not approve.

so this guy was the last guy on my list
he's pretty much the ONLY guy in this town WHO:
believes in God
plays guitar
likes the same music I do
Is really nice and has manners
but is funny
and has cool hair

So yep, i'm SOL now

but yet i'm kinda pissed off at myself for being a chicken

OH BUT GET THIS

he thinks of me as a friend

and I told my friend "how can he think of me as a friend? he doesn't even talk to me?"

so yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen now

all I know is that he should have told me to my face in the wayy beginning if he didn't like me, even though I think he did, and still does somewhat

but nothing I can really do now except be "friendly"

and this girl is a douche bag by the way

and she's kind of a bitch

well, I guess that's his choice, but i have a feeling that if it doesn't work out with this girl, guess who's gonna be after me (maybe)?

so yep

I have a sad love life >.>

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23562651/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23562651/ Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:55:38 PST
I got this thing called pleurisy

and it hurts SO FRICKEN BAD

i am dead serious, it feels like the side of my chest is having a baby, it hurts so bad when I breathe or lay down

and it takes dayss to go away

and...
heard from my friend last saturday that apparently my crush doesn't like me in "that way"

but 3 people have told me not to trust her

and she's a freshman
but apparently her mom and his mom are like best friends, and his mom asked him who he liked or whatever, and it kinda doesn't make sense

and my brother went into the gas station and talked to him a bit and said "ohhh so you're the guy my sister likes" and apparently he was really suprised, also last saturday

I texted him asking if what friend said was true, but he didn't answer

but it was like 10:30 at night, and he was apparently working. ..

but he answered my texts previous, and he was nice and everything

he hasn't talked to me, just awkward stares

and HOW MANY PEOPLE have said that they thought he likes me! cuz he just seems like it

but my gay guy friend talked to him in the lunch line on wedensday

said this

DUDE you really need to go and talk to ________ because she really likes you, and she thinks you're really hott, and yeah, she really really likes you, so you need to go and ask her out

he says: why

friend says: because I said so

and he was all blushing and stuff, poor guy probably got all embarassed

and then he told him again on thursday, and he said he would talk to me "eventually"

but friend said: NO not eventually, like within the next week or two, or next day or two, and lallala

so I don't know what's up

I don't know what to think, or who to believe, or what.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23329604/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23329604/ Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:13:57 PST

guess who i'm talking tooo...


well inadvertently talking to...
that's right

I am officially texting the guy I have a crush on.
I know, I should be talking to him in person, but i'd like to keep food in my stomach

and I haven't been able to eat breakfast for the past 2 weeks, I hate anxiety

but yeah, anyway
had a text convo on monday, 2 messages on tues. and I just asked him how his weekend was going, and he hasn't answered back

*sigh* I hope he does, but get this

HE DOESN'T HATE ME!

yay

but I hope he likes me, and I think he does
and other people do too

but yeah

don't know how to persue it from here

so I just figured i'd make a journal on it

k

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23200099/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23200099/ Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:37:03 PST
and i'm still not with him
and I was crying this morning because of it

and partially because i'm mad at myself for being such a fucking scaredy-cat

I can't even talk to the guy
and I think he likes me

or text him for that matter
I can't even do that
cuz i'm afraid he'll freak out about how I got his number

and i'm so upset/angry
and there's this other girl throwing herself at him

and it makes me feel worse

and this is officially the worst valentines day i've ever had

i've waited soooo long, and it's killing me


iTunes Quiz

How many songs in total?
602

Sort by Song Title; What are the first and last songs?
First: Abducted-Dane Cook
Last: 93 million miles-30 seconds to mars

Sort by Artist; what are the first and last artists?
First: AC/DC
Last: 30 seconds to mars

Sort by Time; what are the first and last songs?
Shortest: Superbleeder- Dane cook 00:39
Longest: A Modern Myth-30 seconds to mars 14:14 (OMG 3rd time!)

Sort by Album; what are the first and last albums?
First: Ænima - Tool
Last: 30 seconds to mars-30 seconds to mars (OMG 4th time!)

Top 5 Played Songs:
1. Destroyer- Static-x 75 times
2. Dirthouse- Static-x 63 times
3. Capricorn-30 seconds to mars 56 times
4. Had Enough-Breaking Benjamin 54 times
5. Anger Cage-Course of nature 54 times

Find “sex” - how many songs show up?
0

Find “death” - how many songs show up?
2

Find “love” - how many songs show up?
1

Try and put as many letters as you can into the search, with spaces in between each letter, if one letter takes all the selections out, skip it, and continue, until you’ve got as many as possible.

What song is left?
Where would you like them left-Blaqk audio

What Letters were used?
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23030123/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/23030123/ Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:01:50 PST
long story short=

some guy i've been friend with for awhile likes me, he's going out with someone else, flirts with everybody, is basically not a good guy
but he likes me
and now he's trying to turn me off of the guy I DO like and HAVE LIKED for over a year but i'm too shy to talk to and he knows I like him and etc.

SO he asked my friend how I am, and he looks at me a lot, but yet when someone asked him if he liked me he said "he didn't know me well enough"
and I don't know what that means

SO NOW this new guy I think told him that I don't like him

AND NOW I want to send a friend request to my crush but I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY IN THE REQUEST!

and i'm really scared
But I NEED to do it!

and the thing is, he hardly goes on myspace
and I'm just really messed up right now



and pissed off at that other guy big time

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22808212/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22808212/ Sun, 25 Jan 2009 16:53:06 PST I dunno why i'm cheery right now

new semester starts tomorrow
Now I get a study hall with mr. crush and one of my buds
I REALLY hope he talks to me
cuz now he doesn't have the excuse of not seeing me

and yeah
my best friend might be moving back to michigan, and she cut herself because her "bf" back in michigan said he might love another girl

I was like wtf? you hurt yourself over that? what the hell?

i'm totally writing sideways right now, whoooooo

and uh, have to go to counseling with my dumb dad
can't wait for that to start.....not really

otherwise, not much else is new
EXCEPT MY NEW GUITAR
omg I love that thing
it sounds sooo beautiful! lyke woah

there was some stupid pedo on myspace
kinda freaked me out
I took ele's advice and blocked him
but now i'm kinda mad because I Have to keep my profile on private and stuff and I DON'T WANT MY PROFILE PRIVATE BUT DAMNIT I DON'T WANT HIM STALKING MY PROFILE!!!
and of course I try to message tom and he's away >.<

and i'm having insecurities again big time
bleh, I hate insecurity...

found this new band called Attack Attack!
go check them out
they're like metalcore/screamo/electronica
and they're awesome
so yeah
AND
A DAY TO REMEMBER
that band fricken KICKS ASS

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22621880/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22621880/ Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:54:15 PST YAY

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color. bleh, I hate meh brownish
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. VERY
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school
[ ] I have a job
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights. (I wanna )
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[ ] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[x] I've been snowboarding. (kinda)

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. (it feels terrible)
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 mo... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22195695/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/22195695/ Thu, 25 Dec 2008 17:08:29 PST
ANGER
1. With whom did you last get angry?:
the guy I have a crush on

2. What is your weapon of choice?:
GUITAR *guitar battles*

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?:
yes

4. How about of the same sex?:
yes

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
i'm not really sure

6. What is your pet peeve?:
I have way too many

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?:
yes, I hold them forever

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?:
exercise D=

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?:
one

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't:
the guy I have a crush on

4. What is the last lame excuse you made?:
umm, I don't remember

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)?:
I might have, but not actually been watching it

6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?:
last time I ran on the treadmill, which was awhile ago

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?:
none

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?:
yuppie beverage? wut?
just overpriced would be starbucks

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?:
I don't care

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?:
I don't drink

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?:
no

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?:
yes, I used to be overweight, and I still think I am, even though I weigh 135

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?:
ALL OF THEM

7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, LUNCH?:
no?

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?:
hmm, I guess no one

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?:
WHO'S EVER STALKING ME

lol j/k

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?:
lol, yes

4. Have you done it?:
no

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?:
hair, but that's not a body part

otherwise, eyes, I guess

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?:
no

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?:
no

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?:
one

2. What's your guilty pleasure store?:
hot topic?

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?:
buy a car, get my mom medical help, do some other stuff

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?:
rich

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?:
perhaps

6. Have you ever stolen anything?:
I don't think so

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?:
573+

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?:
teaching myself guitar, winning a drawing contest, IDK

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?:
not failing

3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?:
getting a good job, finding a guy who actually likes me back

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?:
yes

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?:
maybe

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?:
I might've, but I don't remember

7. What did you do today that you're proud of?:
I shot a virtual deer? got me 144 points. oh yea

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?:
the guy I have a crush on (although none of my friends "have" him)

2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with?:
IDK

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?:
not sure

4. Have you ever been cheated on?:
no, because I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH SOMEONE

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?:
hell yes

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?:
unselfishness, socialibility,

7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?:
hmmmmmm, IDK


THE SEVEN HEAVENLY VIRTUES

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow?:
SDA

2. Wha... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21653927/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21653927/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:06:24 PST
so my crush right?

my gay dude friend ask him if he likes me or not, I think it was on saturday, at his work. and he said he would give him an answer today, to apparently "make sure they were talking about the same person" which I kinda think is BS because he handed back papers to me, I mean, i've only known him since 6th grade, christ.

so his answer is
"he doesn't know me well enough to know"

I'm not sure if he was just BSing or not.
And how does he explain the stares, and the computer, and everything else?

I'm just kinda upset right now, i've waited 3 months to find this out?

And the thing is, I don't know if he wants to know me, which I think i'm gonna ask my friend to ask him that too.

and I keep thinking that if he wanted to know me, he would've came and talked to me

I don't know what to think, i'm so confused, and upset.

And I know, it could have been worse, like, "no, I don't like her" which still may be his answer anyway.

AND I know, I should just talk to him, but i'm so damn scared of him.

so all this shit about him being shy? that was just lies or wrong guesses?

my mom keeps saying "well if you don't talk to him I guess he's not that important to you"

And that pisses me off when she says that because I DON'T HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO GO AND TALK TO HIM, it has nothing to do with importance. I'm a mouse, he's a lion to me.

I need help and opinions again

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21602841/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21602841/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:56:46 PST
umm, my wrist has been hurting, real bad, it's in a splint

still haven't talked to the guy, and vice versa

I may get forced to see my dad, great

I'm going to see the trans siberian orchestra

umm, yeah

i'm watching this show "crusoe" it's kinda strange

somebody wrote "word" next to my name on attendance, I WONDER WHO THAT WAS *shifty eyes*
but seriously I have no idea
i'd like to know though

I stole this from zam, muahahaha

A
- Available: Kind of, kind of not. It would really depend who it is, since I like someone...
- Age: 16
- Annoyance: loud chewing, loud anything, ignorance, annoying people
- Animal: horses, dogs, cats, any really
- Actress: umm, none
B
- Beer: No
- Birthday/Birthplace: August 24, WI
- Best Friends: people who I won't mention
- Body Part on opposite sex: their hair *blushes*
- Best feeling in the world: being loved
- Blind or Deaf: deaf
- Best weather: sun, snow, thunderstorms
- Been in Love: I'm really not sure. I'm a teenager, I don't know what love is remember?
- Been bitched out?: probably
- Been on stage?: yep
- Believe in yourself?: sometimes
- Believe in life on other planets: no
- Believe in miracles: maybe
- Believe in Magic: I wish
- Believe in God: yes
- Believe in Satan: yes
- Believe in Santa: I AM SANTA (srsly)
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: No
- Believe in Evolution: not really
C
- Car: Audi or V-dub
- Candy: SOUR PATCH KIDS FTW, or reeses my 2 favorite candies
- Colour: black, pink, blue, white, silver, grey
- Cried in school: yeah
- Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
- Chinese/Mexican: OMG I fricken love mexican!
- Cake or pie: Pie
- Country to visit: Germany

D
- Day or Night: Night
- Dream vehicle: VW EOS or rabbit, or AUDI TT or A4
- Dance in the rain?: no I haven't
- Do the splits?: no, ow

E
- Eggs: fried, yummeh
- Eyes: hazelish
- Everyone has a: spine
- Ever failed a class? yeah

F
- First crush: this is really strange. Ok, his name started with a K, but the guy I like now has the same name, but it starts with a C =o
- Full name: =o I can't tell you, it's 27 letters
- First thoughts waking up: noooo, lemme sleep
- Food: OMG ZAM I FRICKEN LOVE CHEESECAKE!!

G
- Greatest Fear: talking to meh crush
- Giver or taker: both
- Goals: talk to my crush, get better grades, etc
- Gum: I don't care
- Get along with your parents?: mom, usually
- Good luck charm: a cross

In guys/girls
Eye colour: I don't care, but blue eyes are absolutely beautiful
Hair Colour: I'm a sucker for black or brown
Height: taller than me
Clothing Style: rocker is hot, but it doesn't really matter
Characteristics: Well, he's gotta be nice, have a nice personality, funny, doesn't drink/smoke/drugs, and similar music tastes, and more stuff

H
- Hair Colour: NO WAI ZAM, I have dirt blonde hair too
- Height: 5'5"
- Happy: sometimes
- Holiday: Christmas, when my dad doesn't ruin it
- How do you want to die: I don't know...
- Health freak?: Yeah, it annoys people
- Hate: mean people, stupid people, girls hitting on my crush, geez

I
- Ice Cream: <3 vanilla
- Instrument: guitar or cello

J
- Jewelry: chains, oh yes
- Job: I don't have one except for tutoring

K
- Kids: IDK, at least 1
- Kickboxing or karate: neither
- Keep a journal?: my dA journal

L
- Longest Car Ride: from here to chicago
- Love: I want so bad
- Letter: X
- Laughed so hard you cried: yeah
- Love at first sight: not suree

M
- Milk flavor: strawberry, but I tried this banana milk and it was pretty good
- Movie: hmm, I dunno
- Mooned anyone?: the people in mcdonalds, lol
- Marriage: IF someone would ever like me that much
- Motion sickness?: sometimes
- McD’s or BK: I don't care

N
- Number of Siblings: 2
- Number of Piercings: 2
- Number: 7

O
- Overused Phrases: lol, would you like a medal?, jerk,
- One wish: MAKE MY CRUSH TALK TO MEEE ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21052309/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/21052309/ Sat, 18 Oct 2008 18:51:55 PDT
sooo
what's up in the life of bob?

a lot
umm, I hate history class
I just don't like it
and blah, it's just hard for me

umm got a D+ on my first english paper
and everyone says i'm a good writer

mmk then stupid english teacher

SHUTUP FIREFOX, I'M GONNA SPELL ENGLISH WITH A LOWERCASE e AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT

the thing that got my paper down was stupid "dead words"
you know what, who fricken cares about dead words

NO ONE

except dumbass teachers

i've been kinda slacking off this year

I think it's because of "the dude"

AND NO he still hasn't talked to me

he and my friend have made small talk though
they've ran into each other twice this year

so I asked her to ask him why he's not talking to me
but she hasn't asked him yet.

I drove past the gas station today
I was gonna go "BEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP"

but he probably wouldn't know it was me and would just go "wtf was that for?"
and he was there
I saw his car
and i'd probably get pulled over or some stupid thing

UGGH people make me mad

it's just SO HARD to go the speed limit
I mean, because it's so cool to go 65 when the speed limit is 55

so i'm calmly going 57-60 mph
AND EVERYONE IS FRICKEN PASSING ME
So i'm already speeding, and people are speeding more just to pass me
I was getting pissed
and then there was a line of like 5 cars, and a yellow light snuck up on me
wow, i'm so glad there wasn't a pileup

DO NOT TAIL PEOPLE

and then I was just like WTF JUST PASS ME ALREADY

UGGH

I want a car really bad
luckily, my grandma said she'd help me

but I still have my temps, until I take my test in january
but get this

I can't take the test until I get a job
because of my insurance
why pay it if I don't need it
and I need a job to pay off the car

GAH I should have my license already
I shoulda had it when I turned 16

so yeah
I need a job too
stupid dairy queen didn't hire me

But anyway back to this dude...
WHAT IS UP WITH HIM?
is he shy? or doesn't he like me?
you know, I really feel like just smacking him
he's giving me really bad esteem

OH YEAH
this is pretty funny
The friday before homecoming was an AWESOME day.
we had 29 minute clases
and a hypnotist
and an outside lunch picnic thing

and me and my friends were being all crazy and what not
and one of my friends derek(who's gay, and like 6 ft tall, 125 lbs) ran up behind me and he's like "PIGGY BACK RIDE" and i'm like "wut? nu nu nu!" and then he just jumps on my back and I kinda bend backwards like a noodle, and he like scratches my leg and i'm like "owwwwwwww" and he's like "ohh i'm sorry, are you ok?" and i'm like "yeah i'm fine" even though my leg was hurting, but it went away
SO as derek is apologizing I just looked forward, and there was mr. crush, just staring at me (with his cool shades, which I think he thinks make him look cool)
I don't know whether it was in a good or bad way
or else he was jealous

My counselor told me I shoulda went up to him and asked him if he wanted a piggy back ride

lmao, that would have been hilarious

I also switched identities with my friends
that was funny

I went to homecoming dance, not the game
my friend went to the game, and she was gonna ask him if he was going to the dance (for me), but she got yelled at before she could
AND
he wasn't there
and I was all prettied up and everything
and yeah, I probably should have asked him
but it's awkward for girls to ask guys
especially if he might not like you
ever since that yearbook thing, that's why I can't talk to guys I like
THANKS A LOT ASSHOLE

I mean, I don't think i'm ugly
I'm 16, and no one's ever asked me out
is that implying something?

maybe I should move to the east coast
guys liked me over there

OH and picture wise, I do have a picture that's been sitting for like, a month. I haven't had the muse to work on it

and I started it in august...


now that i'm done ranting, i'll do this quiz


How much of your teenage life have you "messed up?"

[ ] gotten kissed (I know, i'm fricken 16, i've been asked for my number, once..)
[ ] gotten a phone taken away in class
[ ] gotten suspended
[x] gotten... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20575884/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20575884/ Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:19:19 PDT
so yeah

aw man, yesterday, I had to give up one of my guitars *sobs*
I was SERIOUSLY crying. I was so angry/pissed/upset, because my brother moved out because he's being a dumbass, and he got a bass for christmas the same christmas I got matrix (my red guitar). OK so he gets it, and HE NEVER PLAYS IT like EVER. I mean, it has dust on it.

and he was going berzerk like "OMG TAT'S MEH GYFT" so I traded my black one for the bass.

But seriously, I love my guitars, they're like my kids.

IT DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A NAME YET *sobs*
and I've only had it since july

but I guess the bass is better quality, so yeah, but it still upsets me.

And my brother will probably not touch the guitar either and just let it sit. because he doesn't have the drive to teach himself, and he's lazy

this whole thing with my brother is such a LONG and huge story.

So i'll try and sum it up

He meets this dude, who's 4 years younger than he is, they become friend, friend is a smooth talker from milwaukee (danger city), my brother has aspergers (autism). So we find out my brother decided to be gay because of this bastard, and we think he's mind controlling him and stuff, I mean, if you heard him talk, you would be like freaked out. But my brother is like 23, and an adult, and there's nothing we can do because WI law is stupid. and my brother is so easily influenced, he dresses different, acts different, has an explosive additude, it's just crazy. He went to go live with his dad because he's pissed because the police suggested a restraining order against him, and he lies about all this shit, and I am just so pissed at him. He never acted like a brother to me, and he was just CRUEL to my mom, which makes me even madder.

There is still so much to that story, but I know you guys don't wanna read it.

I applied for a job also, I didn't get it, which sucks. I need a job BAD. one less person = less money in household.

But I got a tutoring job for 7 bucks an hour, so it's 56 dollars a month so far, but I haven't even started that yet.

AND OF COURSE....

the guy, who is driving me insane

SO HE STILL HASN'T TALKED TO ME YET.

I was really starting to feel he didn't like me, but I think I got convinced that he's scared to talk to me too. But I have no idea. I keep thinking like "OMG..... he knows" and "what's he thinking everytime he sees me?" does he hate me does he like me does he love me? I DUNNO.
BUT I HATE THIS WAITING
because it seems like everyone, even not-so-good-lookers have a boyfriend.

SO that must mean i'm like uber ugly.

but this causes a problem, because...
WE'RE BOTH TOO AFRAID TO TALK TO EACHOTHER

CHRIST

I'm trying to find the perfect opportunity, like when he's a lone, and not like on the way to class or something, but that like never happens.

OF COURSE I'M ALWAYS ALONE AND NOT ON MY WAY TO CLASS, BUT HE'S BEING A DUMMY.
*sigh*

and he like leaves right away after school, which would probably be the best time.

I KNOW I KNOW "lyke, go and get some gas bob"

seriously, I would be shaking so much, he'd probably think I would be epileptic because I shake everytime i'm near him. NO not like a dog

I do have study hall with him next semester

but I really hope I don't have to wait that long.

if it's killing me now, imagine what i'll be in a semester. o.o

cross your fingers for me guys! *crosses*

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20329709/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20329709/ Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:21:07 PDT
well, school started on tuesday

AND GUESS WHAT

this guy hasn't even talked to me. no text/phone messages, no nothing.

We don't have any classes together, I don't even see him. I think he's hiding from me

I saw him on the first day for a class meeting, he was about 8 feet diagonally in front of me. And for some reason I got the impression that he felt just horrible. I don't know if it was because of me, or if I even got the right impression. But he usually talks to his friends and stuff, but I didn't really see him talk to them at all.

This made me feel really bad

I don't want him to feel like crap just because of me. But I wish that if he doesn't like me that he'd just tell me. It would break my heart (more) but I gotta respect his wishes I guess.

I've been feeling horribly nauseous every morning until school lets out, I can hardly eat at school, I can't think or concentrate.

I wonder if i ruined something for him, because my mom said apparently some girl he works with likes him.

But this is taking such a toll on me, i'm afraid to even look up in the hallway because i'm afraid i'll see him. and I don't wanna see his face if he hates me

man i'm so scared and nervous, I don't know what to do, it's driving me up the wall. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

My mom and her friend think he's as shy as I am

my teacher told me to just wait

my counselor told me to smile and say hi

My friend thought he'd talk to me

*cries*

THIS IS EMOTIONALLY DEGRADING

IT'S LOWERING MY SELF ESTEEM EVEN MORE, WHICH WAS ALREADY PRETTY LOW IN THE FIRST PLACE

I wish I knew what was going on in his head

no one's said anything or made fun of me, so I guess he hasn't told anyone.

*sigh*

I need some of you guys to come and help me

EDIT: I just found out he now has his myspace profile set to private

CRAP

I hope he didn't find out that I looked at his profile everyday

Now I really feel like crap

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20122067/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/20122067/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:53:58 PDT
BUT OMG
for my birthday

get this

my mom went down to the gas station where the guy I like works and GAVE HIM MY CELL PHONE NUMBER!

convo=
mom: do I get my senior discount?
him: oh, yeah
mom: aren't you _____?
him: yeah
mom: do you know *insert my name*
him: *little smile*...yeah
mom: well she thinks you're pretty cool, but she's too shy to say anything...
Do you got a peice of paper?
him: gives peice of paper
mom: writes down her phone # and gives and walks away
mom: "oh wait" *turns back* "umm, can I have that back for a second?" and then writes my number under it

and then apparently he put it in his pocket
I wasn't there, but apparently he's kinda shy too

BUT OMG

he hasn't done ANYTHING and i'm like freakin' out

because if he doesn't like me back the whole freakin' school is gonna find out about it.

and then everyone will point and laugh at me

and then i'll feel horrible
AND HE'LL HATE ME BESIDES

and i'm trying to be like "well ok, so he finally knows" but i'm going crazy.

I don't wanna be humiliated again

I didn't really want this to happen, I told her NOT TO, but she did anyway.

I hope he doesn't think that's the stupidest thing ever that my mom went down there and did that.



so I don't know if he actually doesn't like me, or is just waiting...

HELP! *cries*

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19833373/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19833373/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:59:21 PDT
because I feel like it


1. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
YES IT IS, especially when they like push back your hair and stuff

2. A big poofy dress or a short party dress?
ummm, neither?
If I wear dresses, they're just long ones

3. What would you do if you received a long love letter?
cry probably

I don't actually know, except for crying, because I cry a lot =o

4. Group dates or single dates?
if it's a new person, i'd probably be a lot less nervous if I had a friend with me, but single otherwise

5. Do you hate it when guys act different around their friends?
yes, I do
because their friends are stupid, usually

6. Are diamonds a girl’s best friend?
no

7. Is your hair up or down today?
up, I always wear it in a ponytail, even though I just got it cut

8. Do you straighten your hair?
I will when school starts maybe

9. Favorite mascara?
that covergirl stuff in the purple bottle, I can't remember the name

10. Do you get your nails done?
no, I don't have money for that?

11. Small or large purses?
well, I dunno, usually small or medium I guess

12. In your purse, what are your must haves?
meh wallet, my cellphone, lipgloss, all my checkbooks, "girl things", pens, other random things

13. Jeans or sweats?
jeanssssssss

14. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that’s uncomfortable?
sometimess

15. Do you text message a lot?
no, no one ever texts me

16. What would you do if you got pregnant?
ummmmmmm

I don't know?

17. What’s your favorite color(s)?
black, white, silver, blue, grey, etc.

18. Heels or flats?
FLATS

wait, those ones that look like ballet slippers?
no

those ones that have the white bottom with cool designs, yes

19. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
I don't remember, but I probably would.

20. Would you ever leave the house without make-up on?
yeah

21. Wal-Mart or Target?
walmart?

22. Do you wear collared shirts?
I wear them ALL the time

23. Do you like preppy boys?
not really

24. Do you think lip gloss is the best!?
maybeee

25. Do you own any big sunglasses?
yeah, not the HUGE ones, but I have 2 pair

26. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
half hour for school

27. Do you like to wear band-aids?
....sureeee

28. Do you like skater boys?
yes

*blushes*

I LOVE THEIR HAIR
unless they're ugly

29. Do you often wish there was something you could change?
all the time

30. Gold or silver?
silver

31. Do you like to receive flowers?
yesss

32. Do you like surfer boys?
sure

33. Do you dress up for the holidays?
umm, I guess so

34. Do you like to wear dresses?
no

35. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
A LOT x 397465847364

especially guys I like x.x

36. In the last 48 hours have you hung out with a guy?
uhhhh no

37. Would you date a guy shorter than you?
depends

38. Do you like to hold hands?
yess

39. What is the youngest you would date?
I don't know probably no more than a year younger than me

40. What is the oldest you would date?
I really don't care, lol

41. What do you notice when you first meet a guy?
their hair, face, clothes *gasp*

42. Is it hot when guys sweat?
lol

you don't wanna know what I just thought of

...
no

43. What is the best feature in a guy?
their personality, humor?

44. Do you like making eye contact?
no, it's pretty much impossible for me to maintain eye contact

AND AGAIN
especially with guys I like

45. Would you kill for chocolate?
no

46. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
MAYBE
I DUNNO

i've never experienced this, lol

47. On a scale from 1-10 how fun is shopping?
depends who/what i'm shopping for

48. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
I might

49. Do you yell a lot?
I try not to. (I STOLE YOUR ANSWER MUSE)

50.... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19699998/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19699998/ Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:52:24 PDT
I haven't written in this thing in a WHOLE MONTH WOW

well

I got like 2 cavities filled today and my poor mouth hurts and i'm supposed to get a crown and UGHH why is everything so fricken expensive? I can't even get a video game system for pete's sake. my dreamcast is 10 YEARS OLD. I WANT SOMETHING NEW BUT I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

and besides that, i'd like a new guitar, amp, and we REALLY need a new tv and we can't afford it, and my mom really needs some medical help, WHICH IS ALSO, OF COURSE, VERY EXPENSIVE

and of course the stupid state won't give us any assistance or anything



I need a job..

but I can't get a job

because I don't have a car

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE MONEY TO BUY A CAR

....




OR PAY FOR GAS

ARRGHHSOEURHISYFBSIYDVFS

And that guy hasn't talked to me yet, that's making me grouchy too. I went to the fair hoping i'd see him, and like 10,000 other places hoping I see him, and I never do. I mish him a lot maybe he's inviserble

but

I got a haircut
because my hair was super long
and now it's all sidesweptish
and it's cool
but I need something to keep it straight

and um
i'm going to one of my friend's (let's call her, steve) birthday sleepovers tomorrow

and my other friend is going to be there (let's call her max)

and here's what I don't get, me and "max" have been friends for like, a long time. but we get into arguments once in a great while. but we're still pretty good friends. But every summer i'll tell her to give me a call sometime and she never EVER does, actually she never calls me anytime I ask her too.

But I asked "steve" if "max" ever calls her when "steve" asks her too, and "steve" said that "max" will call her all the time. and they've been to eachothers' houses a lot this summer.

So this made me angry.

"max" was the same person who didn't invite me to her birthday sleepover because apparently she could only invite 3 people, which I still should have been invited to, because we're good friends, but she invited my other friend who isn't really acting much like a friend anymore. *rolls eyes*

So why would "max" be doing this to me? Do you think she's sick of me or something? every time I ask her why she doesn't call me she just comes up with an excuse.

HELP MEE

peas?

and now i'm hungry
hmm, i'm in the mood for some peas

yay, I <3 peas

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19079065/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/19079065/ Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:15:00 PDT
and now I have to do it >.<

SO
IF ANYONE EVEN READS THIS, dundundun
Leave a comment and I will:

a) Tell you why I friended you,
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.,
c) Tell you something I like about you,
d) Tell you a memory I have of you,
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
f) Tell you my favorite user pic of yours,
g) In return, you must post this in your journal.

psst, why isn't there a musical mood? i'm feeling very musical =o AND IT WON'T LET ME CHANGE IT

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18929245/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18929245/ Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:22:38 PDT
EDIT:

AWW, I just went and visited the hershey chocolate factory, and we went on the tour, and at the end, we got free candy, everyone got 2 peices, except me, I GOT 4! It was a guy, and I figured either he was being nice, or he liked me or something. I was like because usually guys don't do stuff like that to me. Maybe PA is different

OMG this laptop is SO frustrating! It keeps moving the cursor and then i'm typing in really random places!

OMG I have like 54 deviations to look at, and I last logged in on the 17th >.< cripes

I'm in pennsylvania right now, so if you live in PA, COME SAY HI. I might go to new york, but i'm not sure bout that yet. I'll be coming home on the 26th, so yeah.

umm, OH YEAH, i'm getting a new guitar, for freeee. My aunt has one that she said she didn't want. It's kinda cheap, but according to reviews, it's got nice sound, so we'll see. It's shaped like an SG too, so YAY. I'm still hoping to get an actual "good" guitar yet though. OH MATRIX IS GONNA BE HAPPY! I miss him I hope he's not getting in too much trouble at home.

I still haven't sent a friend request to the guy I like, BUT I'M SO SCARED, and I gotta go to the bathroom real bad so i'll write more lata! *runs*

ok now I have nothin' to do so i'ma take this queez that I stole from muse

and don't ask me why i'm talking so weird

FEARS

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.


I Fear…

[x] the dark (only outside when i'm alone)
[x] staying single forever
[ ] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[x] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants
Total so far: 4

[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk (lmao, why?)
[ ] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
Total so far: 5

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[x] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities (i'm afraid i'll mess up D: )
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes
Total so far: 10

[x] hurricanes (I don't live by the ocean, but I would be afraid)
[x] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up
Total so far: 17

[x] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings (bees more-so)
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[x] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] v6 (???)
Total so far: 21 I WIN, yes, i'm paranoid x.x

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18775582/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18775582/ Tue, 10 Jun 2008 22:41:55 PDT
Last tuesday, I got toothpaste in my eye.

DON'T LAUGH, IT FRICKEN HURT! BAD
My toothbrush was like a catapult

NE way, school ended on friday, AND I didn't tell the guy I like him, nor did he tell me

I didn't see him on Friday, which I hoped I had, because MAYBE I would have had the courage to say something... Maybe like "HEY, HAVE A GOOD SUMMER."
Now i'm spending my days thinking about him, and the nice little things we could have done this summer *sigh*

I SUCK

I'm now getting the news that guys can be more afraid of girls than vice versa. I'm kinda wondering how that might be the case with him, because I seriously can not imagine someone being more afraid of saying something to a person than I am with him.

I still have his myspace though, which i'm ALSO too afraid to send a message or w/e, because i'm afraid of what the consequences will be if he doesn't like me back, UGGHGUGHUHUGHGUHGHGUHGH

I need a haircut, but I have no monies, and i'm trying to find a style, SO If you find any good rockish hairstyles for girls, that aren't short, throw them at me. ANY suggestions I will really appreciate

Ok, I guess that's it

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18378787/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18378787/ Sun, 18 May 2008 08:01:54 PDT
I have my head on my arm, and I can hear my heartbeat. That's kinda strange...

So, anyway. I was playing with my processor for like 3 hours yesterday, messin' around with the distortion, and I <3 it. a lot. so yeah.

and umm, well, with the dude, on Monday, I was trying to fix a video on imovie for someone, and Imac's are like mirrors, so you can see pretty much everything behind you. And I kept scrolling through the movie (like half of it was black), but after awhile, I noticed him watching me for the longest time. I don't know whether he could see me back, but that made me happy. I'm pretty sure he likes me, but i'm STILL way too scared to talk to him I prayed for a sign, so I hope i'll get it. I hope SOMETHING happens before summer, because I will literally rot inside I had a dream about him last night, surprise surprise, I have a dream about him like every night... *sigh*

You guys are probably really sick of hearing it about this dude aren't you? i'm sorry =x , but I have no one else to tell >.>

Yeah, school ends on the 6th, I'm flying to pennsylvania for 9 days in the end of june, and i'm taking drivers ed in july, and driving in august. that's basically my summer.... whee.

well, I guess that's it for meh update?

Oh, it was like 70 degrees yesterday, and today it's only gonna be 56. weather sucks.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18139571/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18139571/ Fri, 02 May 2008 20:23:17 PDT
Firstly, I brought my guitar into school with my pedal and everything. It was mainly for a teacher, because she wanted me to, but I was hoping so bad for the guy I liked to see me play.

Well, he didn't and that pretty much made my whole day sad. I almost cried about it. It's like, i'm trying to talk to this guy, without talking. As it is I get all nervous and shaky when i'm around him, so how can I even talk. I know I keep writing about this in every single journal, but this is seriously taking a toll on me.

He is pretty damn confusing too. Like on tuesday, I was sitting in the Library/lab, precariously faced to the hallway because I knew he would walk by, and he did with his friend, but he just kept walking and in my head, I was like "NO _____ TURN AROUND!" and then, HE DID! I was like =o in my head again, but I pretended to be reading Rolling Stone, and then he and his friend came in, and then he said something about driving into a wall, and then, his friend kept walking, and he was just standing there for the longest time it seemed like. I had no idea if he was looking at me, or a magazine. It's like I almost knew in my head that he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't. I still have no idea how he feels, but I got such an urge that he wanted to tell me something.

Man, this is so hard. I wish I could talk telopathically, or with subliminal messages blah, so that was my day.





100 Things About Me:

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
myself?

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
blackkk

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
If you mean in my dreams, then hell yes.

4. Do you plan outfits?
usually

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
upset

7. Who was the last person you kissed?
the guy I like...in meh imagination

8. Person before that?
SAME

10. What are you craving right now?
love

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
.....eeeewww

12. Do you make prank calls?
no, that's mean

13. Ever hooked up with some one out of state?
noo

14. Do you sleep with any stuff animals?
sometimes

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
there's a taco song? how come I don't know about it *pouts*

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
who has time to do that?

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I eated it.

18. Do you like anyone right now?
horribly

19. What do you think of crickets?
they're obnoxious when they jump in your face

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
nooo

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
eww, no

22. What are you listening to right now?
..nothing

25. Would you go sky diving?
I have no idea

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
yeah, probably to tell him to fix our stupid economy/government

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
yeah, i'd hide in a bush with a potato launcher, and he'd never know.... hehehhehehhe

28. Is there anything sparkly on you?
yep, meh scarf

30. Do you rent movies often?
sometimes

31. Who sits behind you in your math class?
a fish...
some kid.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
probably

35. Who are you going to be with tonight??
myself...

36. Brown or white egg?
brown ones are apparently better for you.

38. Ever been on a train?
nooo

39. Ever told someone you loved them?
yes, in a family manner, but in a relationship manner, no

40. Do you have a cell phone?
yeah, but I hardly use it.

41. Are you a virgin?
...yes

42. Any kids?
yes....no

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
I don't know, things

44. Ever had cream puffs?
what are cream puffs?

45. Ever had Breaded Shrimp?
no, I don't eat shrimp

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
noo

47. What was the last question you asked?
w... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18036758/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/18036758/ Sat, 26 Apr 2008 10:37:22 PDT
[link]

Chyea, I was doing a whole bunch of amazing stuff with it yesterday. But my back was hurting from leaning against the bed post

It costed $330, but I had gotten 250 from selling some TDG tickets I had won. My mom took care of the rest

Yeah, it's amazing

In other news, it looks like my dad is going to get out of paying child support for me.

He is being such a jerk, he took a low paying job on purpose, while he made $100,000 last year, and he is obviously doing this so he doesn't have to pay.

As it is, we're pretty short on money.

In OTHER other news, i'm finally losing the weight I gained

And i'm still unsure about the guy that I like. He's confusing me so bad. I like him so much, but I don't know if he feels the same about me, GRAH. I'm so scared, I can't even talk to him

I wonder what he'd do if I just went up to him and gave him a big hug, lol.

fizza fizza

like no one answered my question on my last journal
So here it is again
Do you think you should be friends before you go out with someone? And is it ok if you're not? Why or why not?

I wish I could tell him telepathically. I'm trying, but I don't know if it's working.

Like, for instance, we're watching this movie in Biology and le teacher told him to pass back papers, and I just kept my eyes on the screen, and after awhile, he gave my paper to me, and he walked forward, and then he just turned around and looked at me, I was watchin' the movie though, but dofuhas I wish I would've made eye contact. >.<

And then the next day, on the movie, there was like this make-out scene.
It was kind of ironic

lol

MAYBE IT'S TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING =o

it's called GATTACA by the way, it's strange.

I hope we're meant to be

Hmm, song of this journal, tantric or egypt central?

meh,
tantric, but I <3 you make me sick-egypt central

I <3 the violins in this song
Down and Out-Tantric

Coming up for air so I can
Check myself again and I stand
Proven to the man sheltered
Confidence we tend to shelf and
Unexpected hunger drives me
Just shut up and stand beside me
I don't need your understanding
I don't need to change a damn thing

Though I'm used to have you here
It's doesn't change the man I was
When you found me
And there was no one else around me yeah
Just turn the page and watch me grow
There's so many things that you don't know
About my soul
Live and die but this will not get old

Just when you think that you're down and out
Don't preconceive what I'm all about
Look for a reason that you have to start
Acting like a friend that you are not

And when you think that we played it out
We come from the bottom and knock it out
Look for a reason that you have to start
Acting like a friend but you are not, yeah

Nothing in-between to fall through
I'm being myself who are you
You stand above and look down
You're just a plagaristic clown
You suck the life out of me
You keep track of the petty
And when this well becomes dry
You'll shed a tear for another lie

Though I'm used to have you here
It doesn't change the man I was
When you found me
And there was no one else around me yeah
Just turn the page and watch me grow
There's so many things that you don't know
About my soul
Live and die but this will not get old

Just when you think that you're down and out
Don't preconceive what I'm all about
Look for a reason that you have to start
Acting like a friend that you are not

And when you think that we played it out
We come from the bottom and knock it out
Look for a reason that you have to start
Acting like a friend but you are not, yeah

Though I'm used to have you here
It doesn't change the man I was
When you found me
And there was no one else around me
Yeah, yeah oooh

Just when you think that you're down and out
Don't preconcei... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17819847/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17819847/ Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:10:18 PDT
Myspace sucks.
No one looks at my profile

BUT YET, you can communicate with a specific person without having to actually talk to that specific person *cough cough cough*
But of course, i'm too afraid to even do that.

Now i'm all messed up because apparently you're supposed to be "friends" before you get with someone. and the big question of this journal issssss:
Do you believe you should be friends with someone before going out and why? And do you think it is ok if you aren't friends first?

Not that this affects me in any way.
But I think he might like me , or, he hates my guts and wants me to die xO, or he just thinks i'm a loser and wants me to stop staring at him,

But in other news, my friend had a sleepover for her birthday, and didn't invite me. She said she could only invite 3 people. So she invites her other friend, and another friend, and maybe someone else. One person she invited doesn't really even act like a friend, and the other person she has like 5 classes with, while she only has 4 with me. I was just so upset about it. I told a teacher about it, and she thinks there was some hidden reason behind it. Why would she do that? I mean, to me, she's my best friend, but I don't know if she thinks that of me. Why the fuck do I always have friend problems? I only got like 3 friends, and they don't even act like it 50% of the time I have a crappy life most of the time, why me?

This reminds me of the song You wouldn't know by hellyeah, because I always feel that no one ever knows what I feel like.

You couldn’t be, you couldn’t be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I’ve been through.
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn’t know

18 wheels are rolling,
18 wheels are crushing,
Me down,
Running me down
Cars are crashing
Cars are crashin', all around me
Running me down,

All my days are numbered,
All my days are grey,
All my skies are covered,
All my ends are frayed,

You couldn’t be, you couldn’t be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I’ve been through. You wouldn’t know
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn’t know

Lightning’s crashin’
Thunder’s rolling all around me,
Bringin me down
Stars are falling,
Fires lighting all around me,
Burning me down

All my days are numbered,
All my days are grey,
All my skies are covered,
All my ends are frayed,

You couldn’t be, you couldn’t be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I’ve been through. You wouldn’t know
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn’t know

Feels like I’m falling down,
Inside a fever rising,
Buried my life deep in the ground,
Left my existence lying, so lets go

You couldn’t be, you couldn’t be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I’ve been through.
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn’t know

I couldn't be any more specific.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17690618/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17690618/ Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:33:36 PDT
because i'm afraid of humiliation.
Yep, it's about the same dude i've liked for 4 months now.
He's a popular guy, that's pretty much why. His last girlfriend was one of those really skinny "omgilooklikeamodelandeveryguythinksi'mhott" girls. But that was 2 years ago? way back when in 8th grade.

Last popular guy I had a crush on, he humiliated me HORRIBLY, so thank him for my disastrous humiliation problem. AND i'm horribly shy. I can hardly even LOOK in his direction! RAWR

I always have the feeling i'm not good enough, and I always wonder how anyone could like me. and I feel really bad for this one dude that I think liked me, but I don't think he does anymore because I never talked to him. Well then again, he never talked to me, but he's probably shy like me, which leads me to this problem, because i'm like in the other dude's perspective. *sigh*

Like right now, I think he's trying to avoid me as much as possible because he thinks i'm a fat loser who likes him
I know what it feels like to have someone like you when you don't like you back though
I also found out he's over a year older than me =o

I just wish that something would happen where something would bring us together.
Cripes, all these sad faces are gonna make the journal look depressing

I have to get MORE blood drawn tomorrow, I have to fast for this one *fumes*

LETS SEE, this is like the 4th time they've drawn blood in 2 1/2 months.

I hate doctors, they can never get stuff done/right in one visit.

In other news, our freezer is dumb, 6 dollars of food had to get thrown out

my dad's driving me on a guilt trip. I just want him to leave me alone.

I wish I had someone to talk to in RL. I don't have a study hall with any of my friends, and that's really the only place I have to socialize. Everywhere else it's unprivate, people eavesdrop, and there's only 1 friend that really cares about things that happen in my life

I hope that Jesus will just help me through this whole dip in the rollercoaster and every bump in it's path.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17578657/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17578657/ Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:52:36 PDT
SO ANYWAY my dad's being mean again. He wants to come to this ceremony to congratulate my good grades, and I don't want him there. I'm just not ready to see him.

There's this new song out, that I really think EVERYONE should listen to. Just because it's a really beautiful song.

It's called Beautiful by 10 years. and I absolutley love it. Here's the CORRECT lyrics.

Beautiful- 10 years Lyrics

Beauty over wisdom to fit in with their styles
Your Cinderella stories, for a price
Vanity's a business built to fleece the unique
Silicon and stars collide; the rest will fall in line

Chorus:
Just as beautiful as you are
It's so pitiful what you are
You should have seen this coming all along

Visually you are stimulating to my eyes
Cinderella syndrome, full of lies
Your insecurities are concealed by your pride
Pretty soon your ego, will kill what's left inside

(Chorus)

(Beautiful)
It's so pitiful what you are (Pitiful)
Just As beautiful as you are
(Should have seen)
You should have seen this coming all along

You're everything that's so typical
Maybe you're alone, for reason
You're the reason

So pitiful what you are
Should have seen this coming all along
(Beautiful)
Just as beautiful as you are
(Pitiful)
So pitiful what you are
(Should have seen)
Should have seen this coming all along
(Beautiful)
Its so pitiful what you are
(Pitiful)
As beautiful as you are
(Should have seen)
Should have seen this coming all along

© 10 years 2008

so yeah.

I also found out one of my favorite teachers is leaving at the end of the year.

Why does all this bad stuff keep happening to me?

Nothing new with the dude I like either. He's really hard to read.
I'm SUPER scared to talk to him now. And I always get all hot and stuff now. Don't know what brought that on. HELP ME *melts*

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17450794/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17450794/ Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:41:02 PDT
that's all.

BUT THERE'S A NEW PICTURE COMIN' TOMORROW
ARE Y'ALL EXCITED

WELL YOU SHOULD BE

I just got bored with it tonight, not the nicest thing to say, so i'll hopefully finish it tomorrow. OR it will sit with my pictures for 2 weeks because i'll forget about it.

neways

easter's on sunday. that candy will surely help me with my diet.

ALRIGHT CARSON IS ON
he's like my favorite latenight show person.

Oh we got more snow.

And now we got a flood warning.

FUNNNN!
wow I needed to clean my ears
paris hilton is a whore, just incase you didn't know that. she doesn't deserve to have her name capitalized like proper nouns should be.

Went to the counselor today. yeah. He gave me some mendellas. they're apparently like a meditation technique or something. Which is interesting.

these journals are really pointless lately.

hmm

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17387569/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17387569/ Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:46:51 PDT
Craig Ferguson is on..

don't ask.

let's see.
I'm on vacation this week. It's Monday, and I was already bored out of my mind.

Still really upset about the whole "mom" thing.

I am a stress magnet

My eyes are burning

This is supposed to be SPRING vacation, and it's fricken SNOWING outside! THE WEATHER MUST BE DEAF
but what else is new, crazy weather. Thank global warming for that

this gum has lost it's flavor

how can people get addicted to myspace? I mean seriously, I am on there for like 10 minutes max. crazyy

oh yeah

IT'S SAINT PATRICKS DAY
well except for that crazy messed up calendar thing where they moved it back like 2 days

uhh
people suck

some people don't suck though.

this journal is kinda pointless.

trying to learn pinch harmonics, A LOT harder than it looks, trust me.

uhh i'm really tired, so i'm gonna go now.

have fun.

oh and I LOVE THIS FACE!



]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17351458/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17351458/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:48:57 PDT
So could you please pray for her for me?

But here's a survey that I took from magic.

Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily. (tend to burn though)
[/] I wish my hair was a different color. (Sometimes)
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[/] I wear glasses. (sometimes)
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. (kinda)
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing. (I wish)
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job. (Wish I had one)
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation. (I don't really remember,, lol)
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something. (hehe)
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox. (I don't remember them, but apparently I have)

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[ ] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (no sadly, never had the urge)
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[ ] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[ ] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[x] I'm married. (TO ERA HEHEHE)
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. (*sigh* the story of my life)
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crim... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17178381/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17178381/ Tue, 04 Mar 2008 11:04:18 PST
I hate this class. The teacher is cool, but ever since semester started, this class just SUCKS. Yeah, 2 of my friends are in it, and they aren't really even acting like friends. PLUS there's this kid in here that I loathe. He likes me, and I hate him. Surprise surprise. I hate it.

I loved first semester, in first semester, yeah I didn't have any friends in this class, but it was nice and quiet, and not obsessively obnoxious like this one is, plus the dude I like was in it. UGH this just sucks.

I'd rather move to 6th hour with a different teacher. Can't now, but if I would have known that this is how this was gonna be, I would have changed it. I hope next year is better for me. I mean, I don't even eat lunch in the lunchroom hardly anymore, because I was sitting ALONE.
I painted my nails again. i jsut noticed I messed up on a finger. They're painted black, except for the pinky's, which are painted pink. I stole the idea froM Jade *cough* I don't really care about typing right bow because i'm kinda mad and my back is hurting.

I sold some concert tickets that were originally 36 bucks, and I got 230 for them. Cool huh? that money's goin' towards a pedal yo.

I doubt anyone nkows this, but does anyone knows what the differences are between the Boss GT-8 and the Boss GT-10 multi effect processors? I know the 10 is newer, but I don't nkow the differences beteween them.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17109534/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17109534/ Thu, 28 Feb 2008 20:44:40 PST
It's actually very sad, and guess what it's aboutttt....
yep, the guy I like, surprise surprise.

SPEAKING of him, he played with his band for the talent show, but I didn't get to see him v.v I wanted to though. He didn't place either, so I felt kinda bad for him/them. I woulda played, but I have no idea what I would have played, and I don't have a multi-effect processor yet. I WAS originally gonna get the boss GT-8, but I just now found out they came out with a G-10 which is like 600 bucks. PFSSShHHI also found out he has a gibson les paul, and that makes me jealous v.v It might be an epiphone though. I'm getting those "mixed feedbacks" again. For once, I think that someone I like may actually truthfully like me back. I'm still having my horribly shy problem though, so i'm kinda stuck in quicksand here.

HMM WHAT ELSE
oh yeah, counselors suck.
I have to go to one because the stupid judge demanded it. OK first off I HATE counselors, second off, they don't help me, and thirdly, I can't tell them how I feel anyway because I know they're gonna report every fricken thing I say. WHY can't I just tell someone that isn't gonna go blab everything I say to the judge and then accuse my mom it's her fault i'm not going with him? You wanna know why? It's because this world is full of lies, and even when a counselor says they're not gonna tell anyone, they do. They might not use your name, but they pretty much tell someone if it's a big deal like this is.
And besides that, they're gonna think she's a bad influence because I wear black eyeliner. I could just be trying to be unique, but no, that's not an option anymore. I just HAVE to be a morbid, gory, deathmetal loving person because I wear eyeliner, um WRONG. I haven't watched a rated R movie in my life.

Yeah i'm kinda mad if you haven't guessed. I hate court, I hate judges, I hate lawyers, and I hate my dad's over-excessive EGO that thinks he can get away with everything and get everything he wants. According to the judicial "part" of the government, you're a child until you're 18. So does that mean when you're 17.99999 years old, you're still a kid, NO. Infact, I have so many people tell me i'm so mature for my age, and i'm only 15. I'm just so sick of it, and I want it all to go away. I wish there was some place I could go where I wasn't burdened with the weight of my world, plus the world in itself.

And oh yea, the leaving song pt. 2 is the best AFI song ever.
Or not, kiss and control is awesome too.
I lost my AFI wristband, and it's making me mad, because I want to wear it, and I don't know where it is! HDIs SDmodufjbngdrt

I need comfort v.v

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17030357/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/17030357/ Sat, 23 Feb 2008 18:30:58 PST USING MY INTERNET PSEUDONYM, AND WHY IS THIS IN ALL CAPS?
FINGERS: bob
CHIN: bghvolbgh
ONE FINGER WITH EYES CLOSED: bob (=o I DID IT! )
ELBOW: b o0lbhn g (lmao)
PALM: bopbn
BACK OF HAND: bob
NOSE: bob

-----------------DESCRIBE------------------

-- YOUR HERITAGE: German, norweigian, scandanavian
-- THE SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: shews are for squares on the weekends
-- YOUR EYES: um, ROUND, hazel
-- YOUR WEAKNESS: falling for a guy v.v.ksjodfuhds
-- YOUR FEARS: the guy I like getting another girlfriend
-- ONE THING YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE: going out with the dude I like xo

-----------------STATISTICS------------------

-- NAME: NONE OF YOUR PILLOW'S BUISINESS
-- ALIAS: um
-- BIRTHDATE: August 24th
-- GENDER: Female
-- BIRTHSTONE: Peridot
-- ZODIAC: virgo
-- PET CATS: kiwi, dc, ching
-- PET DOGS: Sadie, KC
-- OTHER: Aliya (horse)
-- ACREAGE OF YARD: 18 ACRES YO
-- ROOMS: 8 I guess
-- BATHROOMS: 2
-- CITY: um, the one that's in a place at a time

-----------------WHAT IS------------------

-- YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP: "damn it"
-- THE FIRST FEATURE YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX: Hair pretty much, their face
-- YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURES: HMM, yeah I don't know?
-- BEDTIME: whenever I want
-- YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Teaching myself guitar?
--YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: ?

-----------------YOU PREFER------------------

-- PEPSI OR COKE: pepsi
-- MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING: FAST FOOD EW
-- SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: single I guess
-- CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: vanillaaaaa
-- CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: cappuccino
-- ADIDAS OR NIKE: neither, i'm not much of a name brand person

-----------------DO YOU------------------

-- SMOKE: no, eww
-- CURSE: yes v.v
-- TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY: no, wastes water
-- HAVE A CRUSH(ES): YES I DO
-- WHO ARE THEY: we shall call him Turnbow
-- DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN IN LOVE?: maybe...
-- WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: Yup
-- LIKE SCHOOL: sometimes, only if good things happen
-- WANT TO GET MARRIED: hopefully
-- TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Yeah, except for the "Y" key, I always hit it with my left. And I almost always use the Left shift key.
-- GET MOTION SICKNESS: I don't think so?
-- THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE: Maybe if I weren't so fat (alright, i'll admit that i'm technically not overweight, but I still think I am)
-- THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: somewhat
-- GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: mom yes, dad, not anymore
-- LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: Sure
-- PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: More like 5, chyea, MATRIX I LUV YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU POKED ME WITH YOUR STRINGS MADE OF NICKEL AND I'M ALLERGIC TO NICKEL xO

------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID/HAVE YOU--------------

-- DRINK ALCOHOL: No, ew
-- SMOKE(D): no, ew
-- DONE A DRUG: drugs are for looooooooosers, and no
-- HAVE SEX: MAYBE, no
-- MADE OUT: MAYBE, still no
-- GO ON A DATE: no
-- GO TO THE MALL: no, too broke
-- BEEN ON STAGE: no
-- BEEN DUMPED: no
-- GONE SKATING: no
-- MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES: Don't think so
-- DYED YOUR HAIR: Nope, haven't touched it since aug. 2006
-- STOLEN ANYTHING: kinda


-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------

-- FLOWN ON A PLANE: Nope
-- MISSED SCHOOL BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING?: Snowing more so
-- TOLD A GUY/GIRL THAT YOU LIKED THEM?: not to their face...
-- CRIED DURING A MOVIE?: omg yes, IT WAS DURING SPIRIT, IT'S A VERY BEAUTIFUL ANIMATED MOVIE, DON'T CRITICIZE ME
-- EVER THOUGHT AN ANIMATED CHARACTER WAS HOT: Hells yeah, Kadaj is just, yea
-- HAD AN IMAGINARY FRIEND: yeah, but he was just to be funny.
-- BEEN ON STAGE?: Yes
- CUT YOUR HAIR: no
--HAD CRUSH ON A TEACHER?: MAYBAY
-- PLAYED A GAME THAT REQUIRED REMOVAL OF CLOTHING?: no, AND OMG THE LEAVING SONG PT. 2 CAME ON, I LOVE THAT SONG!
-- BEEN TRASHED OR EXTREMELY INTOXICATED: No
-- BEEN CAUGHT "DOING SOMETHING": you mean like garbage picking?
-- BEEN CALLED A TEASE: no
-- GOTTEN BEATEN UP?: No, i'm too coools, yeah right
-- BEEN IN A FIGHT: Not physically
-- SHOPLIFTED: No,

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------

-- AGE YOU HOPE TO BE MARRIED: I don't knoww
-- NUMBERS AND NAMES OF CHILDREN: Don't care, but one's name will probably be Jade
-- DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: um, one that's FREE, and as awesome as a 70,000 dollar wedding, oh yeah. ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16999110/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16999110/ Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:18:21 PST
BUT after school, The guy I like, I know his "path" to outside, so I try to intertwine with it, hehe SO I crossed his path once, turned around (I turn around in hallways so much, I think it freaks people out), and then walked up a hallway and I saw him and some other chick who I didn't pay attention to acknowledge who it was, so right after I turned, I turned back around again BUT I caught a glimpse of this girl who was laughing about something and put her head on his arm (in a friendly way, I think. His myspace says he's single), and OMG I got SOOO JEALOUS! He didn't see me, (unless he heard my backpack jingle from turning around so fast).

UGH man, it is SO HARD liking someone so much when it's impossible to talk to them! *punches pillow*, AND I've had dreams about him EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! except last night I don't think.
RAWR WHAT SHOULD I DO! I am DEATHLY afraid to even look at the guy!! (I used to, but I got really scared for some reason, that's pretty much the only way I have to tell someone I like them if you know what I mean). I still don't know if he likes me, or hates me, or what he feels. He's different, he's kinda a mellow guy, not really the "flirt" type. Groar I am so obliterated about this whole shizam. I'm a shy person, which makes it even HARDER! I need help v.v badly

ummm OH YEAH! I think I finally figured out a name for my guitarrrrr

I was thinking "dragorex, but that sounds evil"
Then we were talking about matrix's in biology, so I was thinking...
MATRIX!

So whatcha think of that? I think it's suitable.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16813311/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16813311/ Sun, 10 Feb 2008 08:41:16 PST .<

AND NOW my mom wants me to start playing violin again. I never wanted to learn, all those years of being dragged to lessons, uggh. My brother's teaching me now. AND I already know how to play! GROAR! anyway..

My dad got an attorney again, He's such an idiot "OH I HAVE NO MONEY, I'M BROKE WAA" yep, no money.. riiiiiiight. SO now my mom has to get one, and as it is, we are pretty much broke. grrr

Nothing new with the duude I like. umm, oh yes, and I did learn finger tapping CORRECTLY, yay for me. BUT anyways, I still don't know if he likes me. At first it seemed like he didn't, but now it seems that maybe he does? It's kinda hard to read people when you don't talk to them.

We start swimming on Monday in gym.. I hate swimming.

I now blame the anti depressant I was taking for making me gain weight/not losing any (I read it was a side effect, and my doctor didn't mention it knowing i've had weight problems in the past). OH I JUST HAAAD TO TAKE IT! and when I did, I felt NO different, all I felt was not loosing weight, OSUIDFHRILYDSGFBVIL stupid doctors. AND it didn't help with my OCD (which i'm not sure I have), and it made me really tired. STUPID sertraline, don't take it, burn it.

AND I got a cold. My stupid nose is all congested, and hte only stuff we have to help expired in 06. >.>

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16728084/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16728084/ Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:57:10 PST
Not much new with the dude I like. I did lose a class with him, as I expected. BUT I gained lunch with the skater dude. I dunno, he's awfully skinny, I probably weigh more than him. CRIPES i'm so fat. I gained more weight, FUN! I remember, a little more than a year ago, I weighed 127, THOSE WERE THE DAYS. 20 pounds ago...

But back to this dude, I have his myspace, and that's pretty much all I have to find out about him. now I DON'T have a myspace, so I can't comment and stuff, plus myspace scares me with all the freaks and stories I hear.
HE SHOULD GET A dA! OUREOGHBN that would be awesome. I could like, flood his page with comments, hahahhahaha

OH I got my semester grades today, I GOT STRAIGHT A'S, OH YEA *dances*

In other news, Mom is probably going to sell the only horse I have left now, she's apparently "too much" for me. She's so cute though I love her personality. The next horse i'm getting will definately be an arab, or atleast a cross. Their personalities are absolutley priceless. Umm, I love static-x, know that.


HUU HUU! I think I finally figured out fingertapping. BUT my pinky finger scratches up my ring finger whenever I do that, so i'm either not doing it right, or my nails are too long o.O


And now i'll do this nice quiz thing

It's a maturity test. WHEE

[x] I know how to cook toast.
[x] I can do my own laundry.
[x] I can cook for myself
[/] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations (depends what about)

Total so far = 3.5

[x] I show up for school all of the time unless I'm sick
[ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse
[x] I've never gotten a detention (oh yay for me for getting out of it)
[x] I've watched talk shows
[x] I drink coffee/tea at least once a week

Total so far = 7.5

[x] I know how to run the dish washer and/or do the dishes
[x] I can count to 5 in either Spanish/French/German/Italian/etc
[ ] When I say I'm going to do something I always do it
[x] I can mow the lawn
[/] I remember to water my plants (sometimes)
[x] I study when I HAVE to
[/] I pay attention at school most of the time (meh)

Total so far = 12

[x] I can spell experience without looking it up. (firefox will catch me if I don't xD)
[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need
[ ] I always understand jokes the first time they are said (noooo, I usually need a very good explanation xD)
[x] I can type fast

Total so far = 15

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[x] I realize that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 20 and have a job
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it

Total so far = 18

[x] I knew that the alphabet and twinkle twinkle little star have the same rhythm
[ ] You just checked
[x] You actually watch the weather (to check for school closings dood)

Total = 20
Actual age = 15 WOW WOW

I am so weird, I get told that I act a lot more mature for my age, and yet there are times when I act so stupid it's insane xD

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16574417/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16574417/ Fri, 25 Jan 2008 23:23:16 PST
SO ANYWAY, I've known this guy since 6th grade, and he's a really great guy, he's nice, mature, sweet, plays guitar, and he has similar music taste (except I like industrial, I don't think he does). And NOW, as a sophomore, I just NOW start to like him. This has been going on since at least 2 weeks before christmas. Problem is, he's a popular guy, friends with everyone guy. He knows I play guitar, and like some of the music he does (unless he hasn't heard my loud outshouts in biology). But i'm afraid i'm too "fat" for him, or too dark, or too ugly, or something. Yeah I weigh like 140. I normally weigh like 130, which I HOPE will go back to normal with gym starting on monday. So i've been looking at him...often, and I think he might have picked up on it. And he's returned them somewhat, but I don't know, i'm just kinda disappointed right now, because I spent 3 YEARS liking a guy I never had a chance with, and I was too stupid to realize it until end of freshman year.

So anyway, I play guitar right, but i'm not like a "master". I don't have any pedals what-so-ever, and my equipment is over 10 years old (but I still luv my guitar). if you've read my previous journals, you KNOW that i've wanted a pedal for a REALLY long time, and how expensive they are (the multi-effect one i'm looking for *cough*atleast450$*cough*)

SO TODAY someone else brings in his guitar into a class that me and this dude I like have together, and he has a metal pedal, but I couldn't get it to work for the life of me (it's a different type i'm not used to) so my teacher wanted me to play SO BAD, and the dude I like, but he wouldn't. SO I get my swallow my guts and pick it up, and I start playing a bit and my teacher was all like =OOO because she doesn't know guitar ya know? and another thing, HE HAD A BC RICH WARLOCK! OMGOMGOMGOMG I GOT TO PLAY ONE!!! OGMGOMGOMG! The owner is like AMAZING! He can fingertap like no tomorrow, and he is just AMAZING OK! AMAZING! I wish I had half his skills. He's only flipping 17!! ok done spazzing. SO I play right? with my non-amazing tabbed breaking benjamin songs. I pretty much sucked, except maybe when I played the beginning of "so cold". I'm self taught, too broke for lessons, with NO PEDAL again. SO I haven't learned fingertapping yet, because you pretty much NEED a pedal in order for it to work right. And i keep thinking I embarassed myself infront of this dude I like. and the teacher was like "come on _____ what should she play? She's taking requests." and he was like "I don't know, it's kinda the players preference" and I don't know, the way he said it and stuff was just.. hurtful in a way. And another thing, didn't have a pick. We were using EVERYTHING we could possibly think of which was pretty funny. Coins, key chains, plastic cards, paperclips, lol. Which kinda affected my playing.

I'm not popular what-so-ever, and I wear black eyeliner every day, and I have a really unique rockemogothskater fashion, and I don't know, maybe i'm not enough, which seems to be the case a lot.

IN ADDITION, in previous journals i've mentioned this skater dude that looks at me a lot, I might like him too.

I need help, what should I do? I've had a HORRIBLE experience with guys I like in the past. I'm just torn.

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16292096/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16292096/ Sun, 06 Jan 2008 19:15:24 PST

I'm doing another survey =]

Told you you'd never believe it.


Are your parents married or divorced?: divorced
Are you a vegetarian?: YES, goooo mee
Do you believe in Heaven?: yep
Have you ever come close to dying?: not that I know of
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: I like wearing chains, and dark necklaces
Are you eating?: no
Do you eat the stems of broccoli?: chyea, that's like the best part
Do you wear makeup?: indEed (I put that E in there for no good reason BTW incase it was killing you to know)
Would you ever have plastic surgery?: no
What do you wear to bed?: NOTHING, j/k, um, I wear pj's...so uncommon of me
Have you ever done anything illegal?: ........yes.
Can you roll your tongue?: yes, I feel so privelaged to have that ability.. seriously
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?: no
Do you believe in Abortions?: uhhhh, my back, hurts?
What is your Hair color?: WHY do they always ask this question? UGH, i'm sick of explaining it!
but I will anyway
It's like a DARK dirt blonde color, but it fades to blonde. It looks black sometimes, which is kinda cool I guess, because, I want to dye my hair black, but now I think it would look weird... I make so much sense. Wow that was a long answer, yaaaay long answers!
Future child's name, boy and girl?: Jade, I adore that name so much
Do you smoke?: eww, no
If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?: Europe or Australia
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: Chyea, I sleep with my cat too, who could also be considered "stuffed" I guess 8D
If you won the lottery, what would you do first?: uhhh, buy myself a new guitar and amp set.
Gold or Silver?: Silver
Hamburger or hot dog?: I don't eat them anymore, but when I did, it was hamburgers
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?: COLD GRAPEFRUIT.. <333
City, beach or country?: I live in the country now, it's kinda cool beans I guess
What was the last thing you touched before you started this quiz?: Kiwi, who's still sitting in front of me against her will. hehehe
Where did you eat last?: on the couch
When's the last time you cried?: I really don't remember. probably like the 3rd week in December? OSUDGHRISE...... hi
Do you read blogs?: depends if I think they're high enough on my awesome scale =3, but yes, I do
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?: is there really any difference anymore?
Ever been involved with the police?: kinda? I say that word a lot, even though it's not a real word. It should be, since I say it a lot, and..yea
What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap?: The kind that doesn't make my hair poofy would be nice.
Do you talk in your sleep?: Ask kiwi or ching, they're my witnesses
Ocean or pool?: pool, there's jellyfish in the ocean =o
What's your favorite song at the moment: Destroyer-Static-X, I have had it in my head ALL DAY! I'm afraid I'm gonna wear it out ;.;
Have you ever had a cavity?: yeah, poor me v.v
Window seat or aisle seats?: I LIKE WINDOWS, except when they're all fogged up and crap
Ever met anyone famous?: Define Famous?
Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?: um, FLYING, uh, TOILET? PAPER?
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: neither. I don't even use a fork.
What is your favorite sport to play?: Shoveling snow is kinda fun
Basketball or football?: neither
When was the last time you went to the bathroom?: i'm sorry, I forgot to ignore my bladder and run into the kitchen to look at the clock before I relived myself. Forgive me
Do you drive a stick?: You can't really drive sticks? But I can drive manual shift
Are you self-conscious?: Probably, but I kinda forgot what it means D:
Have you ever given money to a bum?: nooo
Have you been in love?: not really
Where do you wish you were?: and what makes you think I WANT to be elsewhere stupid quiz? HMM?! BRING IT *grabs guitar* we will settle this.....with FINGERTAPPING!
Who is your best friend?: they know who they are
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?: no
Can you tango?: Isn't that a juice?
Last gift you received?: Money probably
What occasion did you recieve your gift?: Christmas
Last thing you spent lots of money on?: Probably that dvd player I bought like 2 years ago
Where do you live?: my house..........in the middle of the street
Last wedding attended?: uhhhÂ... ]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16210567/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16210567/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:35:21 PST
I saw the Golden Compass today. It wasn't that great. The talking animals and the polar bears were pretty awesome though

Ok you guys, I REALLY need your help. I NEED to think of a name for my guitar. It was Benjamin, but I don't really like that. If you wanna see a picture of him, look here ([link]). If you think of the name that I really like (or I might choose one I already picked) then I'll make you a picture of whatever you want.
And I don't want stupid names like patty, or julie (*coughcough*ERA*cough*) or stuff like that.
NAMES I'VE THOUGHT OF SO FAR
Serphiroth
Kadaj (hehehhee, if you know where those came from)
Seraph
Beast (I really like this, but I kinda stole it v.v)
Uhhhhhhhhhhh...

I think that's it.

In recent news, my ipod is now named melon, thanks to era. I don't know why I stuck with it, probably because it's a funny name, HAHHAHAH---yeah

Still hoping for that pedal, anyone wanna make donations? 450 dollars of donations? PLEASE?! I'll make a cake and write your name on it, just for you. And then i'll eat it...muahahha

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16159585/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16159585/ Sat, 29 Dec 2007 22:48:17 PST
A DIGI CAMERA
A camera printer
some clothes
a scarf
Some money
an AFI wristband
Some skull earrings (which I can't wear v.v)

Uhh, I think that's it. I didn't get my guitar pedal that I was hoping for v.v but then again, it's like 450 dollars.

MY AMP IS BROKE *sobs* It had a HORRIBLE feedback problem, it just got so loud that I thought it was gonna explode, so I turned it off. When I tried to turn it on again, it was even worse and made another loud scary sound that freaked me out. I just now figure out that it was made in the early nineties >.>, my brilliant brothers can hopefully fix it, if not, then i'll be in the shits, because they cost atleast 200 for a good one. CRIPES guitars are expensive! RAWR, and I don't have money for this stuff, I don't have a job, nor can I get one because I don't have time for shit as it is.

My room's getting painted, so I have to use one of the other computers laying around my house. My nails are painted black again. I'll have to take pictures that I need them for before they start chipping (which will most likely be tomorrow >.> )

I found a whole bunch of new songs I like, yay.
Hmm, i'm not in much of a funny mood right now. what else, oh yeah, my doctor wants me to take anti-depressants. I'M NOT DEPRESSED DAMNIT! or atleast I don't think I am? But whatever.

Lmao, I turned hysterical by watching the mood emoticon for it, haha xD *runs around going : D*

huu huu, umm, hi...



:>

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16127019/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16127019/ Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:46:36 PST [x] Gotten detention. (I got out of it )
[ ] Gotten your phone taken away.
[ ] Gotten in school suspension.
[ ] Missed school cause you felt like it.
[ ] Talked too much and got kicked out of class.
[x] Got your mom/dad etc. to get you out of school.
[ ] Text people during class.
[x] Passed notes.
[x] Threw stuff across the room.
[x] Laughed at the teacher.
[ ] Pulled down the fire alarm.
[x] myspace, friendster, xanga, etc. on the computer at school.
[x] Took pictures during school hours.
[x] Called someone during school hours.
[x] Listened to an ipod/cd player/mp3 during class.
[ ] Threw something at the teacher.
[x] Went outside the classroom without permission.
[ ] Broke the dress code.
[x] Failed a class.
[x] Ate food during class.
[x] Ditched a program/assembly.
[ ] Got written down on your permanent record.
[ ] Called out. ??
[x] Tried to open someone else's locker. (AND I SUCCEEDED!)
[x] Gotten a call home.
[ ] Couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly.
[x] Didn't take your stuff to school.
[x] Gotten a detention and didn't go.
[x] Stuck your middle finger at a teacher.
[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear.
[x] Slept in class.
[x] Cursed at a teacher.
[x] Copied homework.
[x] Felt hungry during class and left to eat. (I went to my locker to get something with a pass)
[ ] Got into so many fights.
[ ] Gotten expelled.
[x] Had to spend lunch with a teacher.
[ ] Been caught passing a note and had to read it in front of the class.
[ ] Cheated on tests or essays/papers.
[x] Just left school in the middle of the day. (doctor appt's ?)

Score: 25.

Ranking:
01-10= Average Joe/Jane
11-20= Rebel
21-30= School Menace
31-40= Teachers' Nightmare

I'm actually an angel, I never, ever, (ok, hardly, I did once but it wasn't even my fricken fault) get in trouble. hehe

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16103212/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16103212/ Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:23:34 PST 1.) Umm, be famous for a good thing
2.) same as above
3.) Meet Dane Cook, Jared Leto, Jade Puget, and every other person I think is completley awesome.

Three Names You Go By: ONLINE
1.) Bob
2.) bobbeth
3.) bobs

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1.) brand new name (in any form)
2.) rockonward?
3.) uhhh, I realy odn't know

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) uhm….My eyes?
2.) MY SHOES!
3.) I wear cool socks sometimes, hehe

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) German
2.) Norweigan
3.) I just found out yesterday that i'm Scandinavian o.O

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) Sudden loud noises
2.) michael jackson o.O
3.) people that...scare, me?

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) internet
2.) socializing
3.) cat squishing xD

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) plaid pj pants
2.) a black shirt
3.) by sky blue robe, yay?

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) 30 seconds to mars
2.) Breaking Benjamin
3.) Rammstein

Three Of Your (recent) Favorite Songs:
1.) Enemy-sevendust
2.) click click boom-saliva
3.) Destroyer-Static-X

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) a dude?
2.) non meanieness?
3.) NO JERKITISM GOT IT! ok, that's good

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I like pickles
2.) It's Jared's birthday today
3.) it's not saturday

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1.) Um, for some reason i'm attracted to black hair, or brown (OR SILVER!)... heh and it must be in some cool style
2.) BOOTS! lmao, um, I don't know, nice mannerisms?
3.) someone who plays guitar

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) drawing
2.) music-ing
3.) guitar-ing

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) name my guitar beast (but I can't v.v)
2.) sleep?
3.) take picciturezzz

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) actor
2.) vet
3.) comedian

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Germany
2.) Australia
3.) MISSISSIPPI! (i'm comin' to get yoo era)

Three Names You Like:
1.) JADE!!! <3333
2.) Jayden (notice the similarity?)
3.) Aiden

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl: (this question doesn't really make sense because the way I dress is very similar to guys with the same taste as me xD)
1.) I wear nailpolish?
2.) I like kitties
3.) I LIKE BOOTS!

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I wear baggy pants on occassion (tripp like pants C:
2.) I have a low voice/
3.) I like playing age of empires?

Three People That I Would Like To See Take This Quiz Now:
1.) Zam?
2.) ELE
3.) Ravee?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED!!!!!!!!!!!!

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16067164/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16067164/ Sun, 23 Dec 2007 23:32:12 PST

Sorry, not in the best mood v.v Father insists on intruding upon our Christmas. Maybe his car don't start or something. My dad is annoying. He's like Cancer. He doesn't go away v.v well, I guess some cancer does. Maybe he's the kind that doesn't =/

But don't let my stupid dad ruin your holidays. Have fun everyone



taste the rainbow...

DO IT DAMN IT!

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16020433/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/16020433/ Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:20:26 PST
Guess who I hateeeeeee?

MY DAD, yep. I hope he goes to jail for something. He doesn't understand that the more he keeps insisting and forcing and doing all this other bullshit that it's just driving my farther away. I tell him I need time, and my answer is "you've had enough time". GRR, he's such an arrogant bastard. Arrogant is probably the worst type of person you can be. I don't know what in the hell happened to this man, but he is definately not the dad I used to have before he left.

ANYWAYS, besides the ass of the century intruding on my life again, there's been some new stuff

UMM, I had this dream last night, about that one gay guy I still like. Yeah, but I can't help it. There's also this other dude that's been catching my eye lately. He's like a skater dude I think? The only reason he's caught me is because I caught him catching me if that makes any sense to you with my confusing words. But I THINK that he throws glancing glances at me whenever we pass by. I don't really know why because I don't know why anyone would like me. And I scare like everyone because I wear black eyeliner and wear black. I guess i'd call my fashion a "rocker hybrid". I guess it's kinda rocker/goth/skater/emo mix fashion, lol. I don't know, I just wear whatever. The only reason skater is in there is because Il ike to wear white long sleeves under t-shirts. And I also love collars. and studs. and things with lots of zippers. AND BOOTS! and pinstripes. and fingerless gloves. lol I guess you'd just have to see a picture of me in my normal attire. Not right now because i'm in my pajamas because i'm sick.

So anyway, in this dream, we were in biology (which is weird, I come up with EVERYTHING funny in biology?) and we were doing this thing, and then class ended, and I thought I was going to go home because I was sick (my dream must have predicted the future, but I was having major cold/hot flashes and it kept waking me up >.> so I was just gonna hang out in biology, and then this guy I like comes in with his class and I sit in the back (yay) and me and my one friend whom he talks to (you know that really sucks, he's friends with all my friends and not me. rawr.) were all in back and stuff, and he was associating with her, and then I was laying on the floor for some bizzare reason, and he puts a chair on me, yes a chair, I don't know why either. And then after crushing me with a chair, he went on this tickle fest on my knee (yes i'm major ticklish on my legs) and then I went insane, and then that whole shizam ended, and then I walked out and left my crap in there, and the whole nurses office (a hallway with a bench, with the nursy room) turned into a doctor's office with a high ceiling (o.O) and I saw......

THIS OTHER DUDE! OMGOMNOSJNOISDNGILSDBSPAZZ

I don't know why I just did that. It's kinda weird correlating 2 dudes with one pending that I like in the same dream. But it was that skater dude I mentioned before, but he was walking out to a car, he was sick too . and there were some other kids sitting in this new "doctor's office" that I didn't know. and the bitchy nurse lady (she is that way in RL) was calling kids in and I was like ok i'll sit and wait so I did and like a minute later I peeked in there and she was shoving tubes down kids noses and injecting osme crap or doing something with needles and I was like "well screw that" and then I walked around, and I have no idea why, but people were dressing up, and I saw my friend and then her mom's a teacher and was being all mean for reasons I can't remember, and theN I walked away from that, and then I think I got interrupted by a cold/hot flash again. I didn't even actually get up until 6:52 (my alarm goes off at 6:22) and I went downstairs and told my mom I was sick so I stayed home.

I better not get a deduction on my photography project, because it's due tomorrow, and i'm probably not going to be there tomorrow either.

I really wish stuff wasn't so expensive. I can't get any of my friends presents this year because we're so fricken broke, and guess who's fault it isssssssssssss? yep, daddy dearest. I hate him, did you know that?

Hmm, this journal is really long. I write all this stuff and no one reads it, that upsets me I lost a watcher ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15822899/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15822899/ Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:12:11 PST
OH YES, speaking of, I gave someone the SU-FI today. There's this freshmen who likes to bother me, well we both bother eachother, and I hit her backpack, and then we kicked eachother and then she slapped me, and then I chased her, but my fucking backpack was too heavy (I can run pretty fast) and she was like halfway down the hall, and I just shoved it in her direction (I don't think she saw) and then I yelled "SU-FI!" after her, haha. That was funny. I like the SU-FI but I don't want to steal Dane's brilliant idea either. Same with the rocker quotes, those are flicking (NEW WORD! MINE!) awesome. I wish I could come up with some cool maneuver. The only cool thing I can do is that twist my arms behind my back and have my hands on the opposite side thing. But that would just take too long >.>

My cat won't shutup


Ever since I had that dream, i've been thinking about DC constantly. I've even taken into consideration that I could be a comedian (I know, like that will ever happen right?). But it's a very critical job, and it's so hard to be good, and so hard to even become famous. I think i'm funny, Other people think I am too, but I don't know, i'm so messed up right now.

Hmm what else is new, ummm My nails are painted white instead of black for once, pretty sweet hmm? YES IT IS, whether you know it or not, because i'm just houdiniish like that. Well I guess that's one cool thing I do, Make new words.

Writing stuff backwards is fun
nuf si sdrawkcab ffuts gnitirW

Why is it that when I start to like a dude, they're like 20 years older than me? WHY DAMNIT!

Oh yeah, since when did the F word become an adjective? I just kinda noticed that, well yeah I hear (and see, hahahhaa) it every day. Kinda confusing no? Like recipes written in a different language. That would kind of SUCK, like it would be this really flicking awesome lemon cheese recipe or something, and then you would end up making potato chips or some insane thing. Lemon cheese, wouldn't that be good? Hell yes it would, and you know it. Maybe, you can get constipated too, oh yes, disguise it for something and make your friend constipated, that would be a blasty blast
If that made you laugh, tell me. DO IT! now...

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15736839/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15736839/ Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:31:10 PST
BUT OMG I HAD THE BEST DREAM LAST NIGHT!!

It involved Dane Cook mostly, I don't know why. I don't have a crush on him or anything, but maybe now I do ^^ But anyways

It started out as me, wearing glasses (I think that's because i've had to wear them most of the week) and like 2 other girls who don't resemble anyone I know. Then he showed up in this kind of wooden and old room in this building (he was wearing glasses too, and he doesn't wear glasses O.O)and we were all asking him for his autograph, us 3 girls, and for some reason we were giving him ours too for some odd reason. When it was my turn, he gave me his, and then I gave him mine on an orange post-it, and I was like, I bet you just throw these away once you get them, and I wrote it on my post it too, and then he laughed. And then I turned and started walking away to the other side of the room and he just kept watching me in kind of this "hmmm" trance you know? and then I think it just skipped to this part where we one of the girls liked him and stuff, and stuff and she got stuck inbetween some barn boards (lmao) and I don't know why, I think she was trying to get to Dane? So then it went to where had to leave or something, and the other 2 girls were all giving him hugs around the waist and stuff and the other 2 girls were leaving, and then it was my turn to give him a hug, and I reached out with open arms, and he reached and lifted me (wow, he must be strong), and we were stuck in this really nice "love" embrace with my head on his shoulder... in the air (lol) and he was all whispering to me and stuff, and I think it was something like "Let's go to the table, just you and me" and then I either woke up or stopped dreaming. And by the table, I think he meant major =o. So all this time this one girl liked him, and he liked me o.o. Dane is like 35 though, dammit. He and jared are the same age, go figure.

I woke up at like 6:00 I think, my alarm doesn't go off till 6:22, and I was just laying there, thinking and thinking about that dream, and how nice it would be to get such a hug from a guy. I guess the thought of being "liked" surprised me. Just because I don't have a perfect body or whatever, or weigh more than 100 pounds, so yeah. I'm just kinda bummed about that, even after this happy dream that reminded me of being lonely. v.v And one of my friends is being all dumb lately (same halloween costume tragedy), She left me and I sat alone at lunch today, but then some person I don't talk to a lot kept me company for awhile. She asked me how I was and stuff, and I was like "ok, so so". *sigh* No good friends, no BF, no nothing :'(

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15696966/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15696966/ Tue, 27 Nov 2007 17:10:48 PST What color shirt are you wearing? Black
Name three things that are physically close to you: My Guitar, my computer, my bed
What is the last book you read? playing in traffic, wasn't very good
Are you or were you a good student? Sure
What's your favorite sport? Show jumping?
Do you enjoy sleeping late? Yes
What's the weather like right now? COLD
Who tells the best jokes? Dane Cook?
What was the last thing you dreamed about? I don't remember
Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, not legally though, and no
Do you believe in karma? Yes, but in a different way
Do you believe in luck? I guess
Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up? Sunny side
Do you collect anything? If so, what? I COLLECT CARIBEANERS, aren't I weird?
Are you proud of yourself? Sure
Are you reliable? Depends
Have you ever given money to a bum? No
What's your favorite food? Tacos?
Have you ever had a secret admirer? I don't know
Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes, hehehe
Do like to draw? Chyea
What's your favorite invention? There's a lot
Is your room messy? Yes
What do you like better: oranges or apples? Oranges
Do you give in easily? I don't know
Are you a good guesser? Totally
Can you read other people's expressions? Yes
Are you a bully? Not really
Do you have a job? No
What time did you wake up this morning? 6:22
What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Leftover eggs
When was the last time you showered? Sunday night, about to take another
What do you plan on doing tomorrow? going to school?
What's your favorite day of the week and why? Friday, end of week
Do you have any nicknames? Bob, and others
Have you ever been scuba diving? No
What's your least favorite color? Yellow and brown
Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? I've been thinking of Jared a lot, and some other dude(s)
Would you ever go skydiving? Maybe
What toothpaste do you use? Colgate?
Do you enjoy challenges? Depends, usually not
What's the worst injury you have had? I don't know
What's the last movie you saw? A big fish
What do you want to know about the future? I don't know
What does your last text message say? I don't remember
Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to? I don't remember
What's your favorite school subject? Art?
What's your least favorite school subject? Social Studies
Would you rather have money or love? love?
What is your dream vacation? Germany ^.^
What is your favorite animal? Horse, dog, cat
Do you miss anyone right now? I don't think so
What's the last sporting event you watched? Don't know
Do you need to do laundry? Yes?
Do you listen to the radio? Yes
Where were you when 9/11 happened? School
What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Get mad? Isn't it a natural response
Have you ever caught a butterfly? I might have
What color are your bed sheets? They have little roses on them ^.^
What's your ringtone? Factory standard, Guitar strings it's called 8D
Who was the last person to make you laugh? My teacher I think, lol
Do you have any obsessions right now? Hmm, no, just JARED! and Jade maybe too, heehee xD
Do you like things that glow in the dark? Yes <3
What's your favorite fruity scent? All of them -D
Do you watch cartoons? Yes. hehe
Have you ever sat on a roof? Barn roof?
Have you ever been to a different country? No v.v
Name three things in the world you dislike: Politics, Global Warming, Mean people >.>
Name three people in the world you dislike: A guy at school, another kid at school, and another kid at school
Has a rumor even been spread about you? I hope not
Do you like sushi? never had it, and I don't want to
Do you believe in magic? Not really
Do you hold grudges? Yes, I do, bewareee

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15651052/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15651052/ Sat, 24 Nov 2007 14:13:30 PST ALMOST 400 PAGEVIEWS, WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Who Are You?
Name: Depends where you're talking.
Zodiac Sign: Virgo
Rising Sign: I don't know what that is >.>
Birth Year: 92
Birthplace: That way <
Hometown: this one
Is your Hometown a small town, rural town, suburb, city, or inner-city: Uhhh, all of them mixed in one kinda o.o
Highschool(s): It's that way >
Are you the eldest, middle, youngest or only child?: youngest
Heritage: German/norweigan
What Do You Look Like?
Hair Color: naturally it's a dark dirty blonde/brownish color, but now it 's that color and it fades to blonde
Eye Color: hazel
Skin tone: fair?
Face Shape: I don't know
Height: 5'4-5'5
Weight: I normally weigh 130 or so
Shoe size: 9 1/2
What Makes You Tick
What aspect of your personality do you like best?: Umm, i'm more of an upbeat/funny/outgoing person
Which aspect of your personality do you like the least?: I'm shy/quiet v.v
What are some things about other people that annoy you?: Loud chewing, gloating, stuck-up-itisim, piss-itism
What are some things about you that might annoy people?: I don't know, I am opiniated?
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?: Vet
What is your favorite time of day?: Evening
Are your parents still together, never were together or divorced: divorced
How do you handle arguments/disagreements with other people?: Not very well. Sometimes i'm ok, but usually I start the silence thing, or yell or something
Would say you are more extroverted or introverted?: intro?
Are you spiritual? If yes, is your spirituality influenced by organized religion? Yes, i'm SDA
Name one of your physical traits that you would change if you could: My figure >.<
Name one of your physical traits that you really like: My eyes
Name something you’d like to do before you die: I don't know
If you could back in time to any point of history, where would you go and why?: I don't know
Have you ever experienced anything supernatural?: I might have
Are you close to your family members?: Yes, but me and my one brother aren't that close
Name some things in life that you are afraid of?: Not going to heaven, something bad/catastrophic happening to my family, a mass murderer
What is your biggest life issue right now?: My dad >.>
What Do You Like?
Colors: blue, black, white
Scents: vanilla, cinnamon, orange, lavender, cucumber melon, or all those mixed, yumm
TV Channels: Fox, Fuse, Nick, APL,
Cars: VW, Audi
PC Games: sims 2, age of empires
Snack Foods: poptarts, fruit snacks, fruit
Beverages: Soda, eggnog (<3),
Game Consoles: WII!, dreamcast
Concerts: TDG, Breaking benjamin?
Conversation Topics: ?
Newspapers: I don't read the paper usually
Magazines: Guitar magazines, some teen magazines I guess
Flowers: Roses
Radio Stations: Rock, alternative stations
Jewelry: All kinds
Restaurants: Olive garden! YAY
Clubs: Don't go
Websites: Here, Howrse
CDs: ?
Vacation spots: I don't nkow, chicago
TV commercials: EASY OFF BAM! YAY
Radio Commercials: Some beer commercial that's really funny. CHILLI CHEEESE
Museums: I like night at the museum ^^
Stores: Hot topic, Second hand stores, haha xD
Outdoor Activities: 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, horse back riding, and the like
Do You Like...
Seafood? Only fish
Sushi? Never had it
Mexican Food? Yessss
Italian Food? YES!!
Chinese Food? Some
Japanese Food? No
German Food? Yess
Greek Food? I like olives =3
Polish Food? Never had it
Mongolian Food? Never had it
Barbecue? Depends
Cajun Food ? Sure
Soul Food? Don't know
Vegan Food? YES! VEGAN FOOD OWNS!
Cake? I lyke da cake <3
Cheese? YES! I LOVE CHEESE!
Jalapenos? No
Artichokes? No, ewww
Caesar Salad? Sure
Anchovies? ew
Rabbit? Can't eat it
Deer? I've only had it like once
Bison? No, eww
Lamb? Yes, yayyy
Duck? haven't had it...yet
Do You Play...
Baseball? I suck at baseball
Softball? I suck at softball too
Basketball? in gym? and other times
Football? I hate football
Hockey? I've never played it, but i'd like to
Soccer? Yes, but not anymore
Monopoly? YAY
Checkers? YAY
Chess? YAY
Scrabble? Sure
Trivial Pursuit? Yes, but i'm bad at it
Poker? No
Guitar? YES! I LOVE MY GUITAR! <3
Flute? I could?
Clarinet? No
Piano? Yep
Violin? Yep

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15613309/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15613309/ Wed, 21 Nov 2007 23:19:17 PST
you know what this calls for?
Do you?
Oh, you do, damn it
WELL THIS CALLS FOR
A SURVEY
YAAAAAAAAY *throws confetti in people's eyes* 8D

1. Is anything wrong?
I don't think homosexuality is that "right" if you know what I mean, but that's my opinion =9

2. Last thing you ate/drank?
squirt ruby red, and it was gooood "the relationship is gooood" lol, biology class quotes xD

3. Are you single?
when aren't I... seriously

4. Have you ever ran with scissors?
Yessss

5. Do you like peanut butter?
It seriously depends. I hate peanut butter cookies, but I <3 reeses

8. Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
I don't feel anything right now, which is surprising. O.O TAKE COVER, don't question me, just do it.

9. Most visited web pages?
Here, howrse

10. When is your birthday?
August 24

11. coke or pepsi?
Pepsi all the way, coke is.......gross EXCEPT if it's that vanilla kind, that stuff owns pepsi by farrr

12. Did you hug anyone today?
YES I DID! I hugged my mom today, yay. And my cats, probably too much.

13. Looking forward to something this weekend?
No, my weekends are boring

14. How many siblings do you have?
2 brothers

15. do you have any pets?
3 cats, 2 dogs, a horse

16. What's your favorite number?
seven, 7, siete, zeben

17. What are you watching now?
You.....

18. Do you know how to swim?
Not really, I hate swimming >

19. Is good grammar attractive?
Hell yes

20. Do you have a crush?
Duh, Jared

FRIEND CONFESSIONS

1. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
I don't know. One of them seems to have a perfect life, and the other seems to not have any problems either.... >.>

2. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
J've known one since I was 4

3. Are any of your friends taller then you?
One of my somewhat friends is like 4 inches taller, but in my close circle, no. I usually wear flats which make me shorter a bit, but I still own in the tall contest by like half an inch, hahahhaa

4. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
I don't think so

5. Where do your friends live?
in houses

6. Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
Well, one of them keeps changing hers... not my fault for someone with baaaaaad memory

7. Have you been to most of your friends houses?
Yep

HABIT CONFESSIONS

1.Do you play with things when you're nervous?
I have to. I don't know why, and even when i'm not nervous o.o

2. Do you have an odd obsession with knives?
Not really

3. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
closed

4. Do you bite your nails?
No, but I have another habit that's like 10x worse

5. What is your worst habit?
Psh, I can't tell you

LOVE CONFESSIONS

1. Do you currently like someone?
Mhmmmmm

2. Do they like you?
They don't even know I exist =[

3. Do you get bored of your girlfriend/boyfriend easily?
I've never had the experience of getting bored with one <.<

PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS

1. Who do you want for President?
I hate politics and the government. Anyone except that stupid imbusol Jim Doyle, or hilary. Better yet, just let me be president, at least I wouldn't be careless or stupid.

2. Do you think abortions are horrible?
Depends

3. Are you scared of needles?
Nope

4. Do you have plenty of secrets?
I am the secret, muahahhaha, look at my new Dev. ID ===>

HAVE YOU EVER CONFESSIONS

1. Have you ever fallen UP the stairs?
Yes, stupid me

2. Have you ever slapped anyone across the face?
I don't think so

4. Have you ever killed anyone?
Bugs? they're living too I guess, but I hate them.

5. Worn the same clothes for a week straight.
I may have once

OTHER CONFESSIONS

1. Do you enjoy drama?
Uhhhh

2. Who was the last person that said "I love you" to you?
Either Jared or my mom, but when I say it to Jared, I use the word "luh" instead because it's not as serious xD

3. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
I hope not >.<

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15592124/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15592124/ Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:16:04 PST
--------

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

I hope these aren't all soundtracks >.<
------------------------------------------------

If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say?
The Battle of one-30 seconds to mars (ok, makes no sense whatsoever o.o)

How would you describe yourself?
The long road back-hans zimmer spirit SOTC sountrack

What do you like in a guy/girl?
The (after) life of the party- fall out boy (oh Lord >.<

How do you feel today?
I don't think now is the best time-POTC:AWE soundtrack (lol)

What is your life's purpose?
I hate everything about you-three days grace (LMAO!!!! )

What is your motto?
Paralyzed- the used (haha xD)

What do your friends think of you?
The fantasy- 30 seconds to mars (hmm, not sure what to think of that )

What do you think of your parents?
Born like this-three days grace (lmao once again xD)

What do you think about very often?
To the pirates' cove!-POTC: COTBP soundtrack (heeehe)

What is 2 + 2?
Looking for angels- skillet (um...)

What do you think of your best friend?
Will and elizabeth-POTC: COTBP soundtrack (O.O)

What do you think of the person you like?
nothing i've ever known- Spirit SOTC soundtrack (...wow, so deep)

What is your life story?
one day- POTC: AWE soundtrack (wow, seems....revengeful, scary)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
faint-linkin park (whoooops, lol)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
comatose- skillet (WOAH! O.O)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
cold-crossfade (aww, that seems sad)

What will they play at your funeral?
Oblivion-30 seconds to mars (don't know what to make of that, hmmm)

What is your hobby/interest?
fog bound-POTC: COTBP soundtrack (o.O)

What is your biggest fear?
breath-breaking benjamin (ooog)

What is your biggest secret?
bat country-avenged sevenfold (ummm)

What do you think of your friends?
edge of the earth-30 seconds to mars (??)

What will you post this as?
lithium-evanescence (uhh, alright then)

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15555689/ http://x-brand-new-name-x.deviantart.com/journal/15555689/ Sat, 17 Nov 2007 23:29:22 PST

* . . About You . . *
Eye Color:: hazel
Hair Color:: Dark dirty blonde, and it fades to blonde.
Height:: 5'4-5'5
Favorite Color:: blue, black, white
Screen Name:: For....?
Favorite Band:: It's a hard tie between breaking benjamin and 30 seconds to mars.
Favorite Movie:: POTC?
Favorite Show:: HOUSE, or family guy
Your Car:: Don't know yet
Your Hometown:: One i'm not in
Your Present Town:: The one I am in (obviously, lol)
Your Crushes First Name:: ....Jared, haha
Your Grade:: sophomore
Your Style:: I wear darker stuff usually
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: I've been on the barn roof?
Kissed someone in the rain?: No
Danced in a public place?: I can't remember
Smiled for no reason?: all the time
Laughed so hard you cried?: all the time
Peed your pants after age 8?: from laughing, lmao
Written a song?: I've rewritten lyrics to songs?
Sang to someone for no reason?: I might've
Performed on a stage?: yes
Talked to someone you don't know?: yeah
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: I've tried, and I think i'm failing, haha
Made out in a theatre?: no
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: Duhh, rollerblading <3
Been in love?: probably not
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: My friend
Tell you, I love you?: My mom probably
Kiss you?: same
Hug you?: Same, but I hugged the guts out of my cats, haha xD
Tell you BYE?: I really don't know
Write you a note?: Ele, if IM's count
Take your photo?: ...me
Call your cell phone?: Pff, no one ever calls me, it was probably my stupid dad
Buy you something?: my grandma
Go with you to the movies?: My mom, my brother, his friend, and adopted gpa
Sing to you?: Jared sings to me all the time... lol
Write a poem about you?: I think it was ele, like 2 years ago?
Text message you?: my dad, once again trying to talk to me, but usually era texts me
Touch you?: DC, I think. But then she ran away
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: today
Time you cried?: Last week or so
Movie you watched?: Con Air
Joke you told?: don't remember
Song you've sang?: I think it was ladies and gentlemen by Saliva
Time you've looked at the clock?: 12:35
Drink you've had?: Juice
Number you've dialed?: A vote for America's Next Greatest Band (DOT DOT DOT OWNS!)
Book you've read?: Playing in traffic (wasn't very good)
Food you've eaten?: cake
Flavor of gum chewed?: strawberry?
Shoes you've worn?: crocs
Store you've been in?: I don't even remember
Thing you've said?: KIWI! *chases*
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: Somewhat
Whistle?: Yep
Blow a bubble?: yes
Roll your tounge in a circle?: yeah
Cross your eyes?: yeah
Touch your tounge to your nose?: no, but cows can, haha
Dance?: I don't know
Gleek?: what the hell is that?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: no
Speak a different language?: a little german, spanish, and like 2 words of french, one phrase in italian, one word in japanese. I think that's it, lol
Impersonate someone?: i'm a very good impersonator
Prank call people?: no
Make a card pyramid?: no
Cook anything?: yeah
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...: normal person i'd be boring
I wish ...: for a better future
So many people don't know that ...: I play guitar? and I name pretty much everything I have
I am ...: hilarious, shy, and outgoing all at the same time
My heart is ...: red? or rojo in spanish xD

]]> ~x-brand-new-name-x