http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xXdr0psXx&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xXdr0psXx en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Wed, 30 Dec 2009 07:45:47 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/28431692/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/28431692/ Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:23:45 PST
I haven't done this in too long, and I don't think I even finished the last.
So here goes, again.

1. Letter
2. Sticks & Stones
3. Birthday
4. Immortal
5. Circus
6. Abandonment
7. Nosebleed
8. Mother
9. Sunrise
10. Distraction
11. Habit
12. Fuck
13. Love
14. Waste
15. Skinny
16. Eyes
17. White Noise
18. Impulse
19. Addiction
20. Desecrate
21. Death
22. Low
23. Heartbeat
24. First Kiss
25. Tomorrow
26. Sweet
27. Fog [or Mist]
28. Can't
29. Village
30. Time
31. Forget



Wish me luck

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26963514/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26963514/ Tue, 01 Sep 2009 17:51:27 PDT
I'm starting to drown
the rain in heaven's all come down
silver spoons affix the crown,
the luckless ones are broken.
Fears and lies for answers,
you and open flames.
God knows I'm gone.

Lord it's a storm and I'm heading to fall
these sins are mine and I've done wrong

I fear again, like then, I've lost my way
and shout to God to bring my sunny day

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26805038/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26805038/ Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:58:52 PDT It started raining at 17.40 this evening.

I expected you to be here
for many reasons I can't explain.

At about 15.25 Saturday afternoon,
you spoke to me.
You told me things I did not expect
but wanted to hear
but could not succumb to.

At one oh two on August twenty-fourth,
your voice felt like it echoed through my chest,
it felt honest.
And it worries me.

My backdrop arms cannot hold the weight of both of us.
I need you to be strong for me.

I do not want to be cold while you're not here
to hold me and I don't want to be scared,
not while you aren't here to comfort me.

And for reasons I do not wish to disclose,
I thought you may have kept your word,
but by six o'clock this evening, I may be gone.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26653799/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26653799/ Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:59:01 PDT
I will always say, think, feel, and write things
that I wish I did not say, think, feel, and write.

I will always have bouts of self annoyance because I will always
think of things in the wrong context;
I will always rearrange everything in my head so that
I never have to think of the important subject at hand;
instead I will think of bedsheets, curtains, floorboards, tree limbs,...
and so many other things that make no sense.
Even to myself.

I will always have occasional insomnia and I will always
think I am going to lose my mind when I do.

I will always have dreams and feelings [hopefully] that warn me and scream
when I am doing something wrong or
when something is going wrong that I don't know about or
when something is about to go wrong.

I will always be incredibly able to tell who people are.
Except myself...

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26634791/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26634791/ Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:11:19 PDT
]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26512388/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26512388/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:42:55 PDT
I'm scared.
I'm excited.
I'm anxious.
I'm impatient.


I want time to go by so fast yet so slow so that I can get to what I want without having to wait, yet I want to savor every-single-droplet moment of waiting, waiting, unknowing, wishing, hoping.

I want to be his again. I want to fall in love and not be afraid.

and maybe I will

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26445897/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26445897/ Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:42:15 PDT Here and now.. will we ever be again?
'cause I have found...
all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade away...

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26259674/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26259674/ Wed, 29 Jul 2009 16:52:31 PDT
Dreaming
Thinking
Wishing
Writing

Do love being free, but can't wait to be heart-cage trapped again.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26185803/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26185803/ Sun, 26 Jul 2009 08:17:09 PDT I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave.
Trust me.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26042445/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/26042445/ Sun, 19 Jul 2009 10:43:17 PDT

For God's sake...
Can't anyone tell me they understand and actually mean it?
Is everyone, everyone, in my life a shitty representation of what they think I want them to be?

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/25967560/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/25967560/ Wed, 15 Jul 2009 15:48:12 PDT Let's just get one thing straight.

I love to hear that people enjoy what I write, even if they can't grasp it in it's entirety (who can?). But I do not write for my readers (unless they asked me to do something specific, of course)- I do not write for fame. You would not insult Van Gogh for painting something wrong, would you? I mean... no shit mountains don't look like that. He was painting the way he saw things- as I do with my words. In saying this, I will not change something for how anyone 'thinks' it should be written or come across. If it looks fucked up and poorly held together... that's probably exactly how I wanted it to sound.

Even though I can't put advanced critique anymore, I probably wouldn't. It was probably a mistake all along, and I probably brought most of it on myself. So I'll just say this... tell me what you think of it, how it makes you feel, and maybe even what you think is wrong with it... but for God's sake, don't ask me to change something I have done intentionally.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/25935149/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/25935149/ Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:08:57 PDT I wish I could write like I used to
I wish I could be as noble as I am in pain
when I am not so bluntly injured.

I wish I could convey to you all...
everything I have ever felt
in something so much more beautiful
than the words I find.

I feel diseased, as always.
So dirty, so raw, so
almostclosetobeingnew

but I'm not quite there
(will I ever be?)

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11787454/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11787454/ Sun, 13 Sep 2009 11:34:48 PDT 1) Make 100 pieces each one having a theme listed below. Only one theme per piece!
2) No time limit so have fun!
3) Pieces should be of own artistic ability. You may not edit photos, or break any other rules set out in the DA etiquette policy. Your pieces can be anything from sketches and doodles to great masterpieces. Just have fun with it.
4) The list below is to be placed somewhere in your journal for others to see that...
a) You are in the challenge
b) What you have completed
5) Make sure to update this list with a link to your deviation.

THE LIST
1. Introduction [link]
2. Love [link]
3. Light [link]
4. Dark [link]
5. Seeking Solace [link]
6. Break Away [link]
7. Heaven [link]
8. Innocence [link]
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again [link]
11. Memory [link]
12. Insanity [link]
13. Misfortune [link]
14. Smile [link] [the third down]
15. Silence [link]
16. Questioning
17. Blood [link]
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation [link]
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat [link]
24. No Time [link]
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness [link]
30. Under the Rain [link]
31. Flowers [link]
32. Night [link]
33. Expectations
34. Stars [link] [link]
35. Hold My Hand [link]
36. Precious Treasure [link]
37. Eyes [link]
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams [link]
40. Rated
41. Teamwork [link]
42. Standing Still
43. Dying [link]
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion [link]
46. Family
47. Creation [link]
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules [link]
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection [link]
61. Fairy Tale [link]
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror [link]
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody [link]
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67% [link]
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challengin... ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11708705/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11708705/ Tue, 06 Feb 2007 10:51:15 PST outside my bedroom door





i feel sad today



i need some rest..
a good night and day's sleep

and i want your arms
around me.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11703016/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11703016/ Mon, 05 Feb 2007 20:19:15 PST
take

each

breath



away

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11627366/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11627366/ Tue, 30 Jan 2007 18:49:05 PST
i need to
let go
these thoughts are pointless,
those doubts,
fears, wonders, questions
that lead to no where


i love that feel
of the fall;

with you

i can

forget&love

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11474121/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11474121/ Wed, 17 Jan 2007 18:45:14 PST and feelings, and knowing, and not knowing

hearing
too much

and feeling
numb at times,


words won't flow
but i feel them under skin,
so images come,
being captured
on film.


[soon, i hope
i will enter some photos into an art fair type thing
i'd like it if you'd give me some help and note me your fav's]

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11458880/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11458880/ Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:01:43 PST for some reason, after my computer was messed with while i wasn't there[..........]
it won't let me get on d.a.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11187890/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11187890/ Mon, 25 Dec 2006 11:15:58 PST Merry Christmas

&happynewyear

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11072804/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/11072804/ Fri, 15 Dec 2006 12:42:31 PST of
this storm
a heart
will
be

remade


[wish me luck]

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10659343/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10659343/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 13:52:51 PST








dissolves..

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10659342/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10659342/ Wed, 08 Nov 2006 13:52:50 PST








dissolves..

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10637918/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10637918/ Mon, 06 Nov 2006 15:10:04 PST
-It is wonderful when we behave like a child because this is the normal human mind, the normal human tendency. As children, we are innocent and it is natural for us to express love.

-What we call education is nothingbut domestication of the human being.

-Humans pretend to be something very important, but at the same time we belive we are nothing.

-The emotional body is like a radio that can be tuned to perceive certain frequencies or to react to certain frequencies.

-Shyness is the fear of expressing yourself

-When you are physically sick or injured, you don't blame yourself or feel guilty. Then why feel bad or guilty because your emotional body is sick?

-Love has no obligations.

-...love has no resistance. Whatever we do is because we want to do it.

-Love has no expecations. When we love, we don't have the expectations; we do it because we want to, and if other people do it or not, it's because they want to or not and it's nothing personal. When we don't expect something to happen, if nothing happens, it's not important.

-Love is based on respect. If I feel sorry for you, it means I don't respect you.

-...then I lie to you, because I am afraid of your judgement. I am afraid you are going to blame me, find me guilty, and punish me. And every time you remember, you punish me again and again and again for the same mistake. In the track of love, there is justice. If you make a mistake, you pay only once for that mistake... You make your partner pay a thousand times for the same mistake. This creates a sense of injustice...

-To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship. There is no war.

-The quality of your communication depends upon the choices you make in each moment, whether you tune your emotional body to love or to fear.

-..happiness is the result of love coming out of you..

-Love is not about concepts...

-You cannot change other people. You love them the way they are or you don't. You accept them the way they are or you don't. To try to change them to fit what you want them to be is like trying to change a dog for a cat...

-The one who loves you, loves you just the way they are.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10425448/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/10425448/ Tue, 17 Oct 2006 16:19:38 PDT pulled out all the organs that fought

This isn't teaching, it's learning your body
pressed against mine/the feeling
of love pressure
pulsing to gripped fingers,
we whispered and
it didn't matter what was said
I was flushed,
he
wanted nothing more than
a show of these words;

"forgiveness or forget [correction: love*] was pulled
skin tight onto us, harsh words
stopped mattering, truth fell into your pores
and secrets whispered between us"

Only this remained

I could not handcraft
beauty, so sighs spoke for us,
and it was more than
throw-down love or needing








possibly
the start to a series

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9559149/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9559149/ Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:54:30 PDT

Is simply a faded reflection


Of something he's already made





p.s.
i'm glad previews are back
finally

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9448166/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9448166/ Fri, 21 Jul 2006 12:28:39 PDT for what I should write about,
leave a comment


i'm running out of new ideassss.. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9278275/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9278275/ Wed, 05 Jul 2006 06:12:10 PDT

me


null


&



void ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9271233/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/9271233/ Tue, 04 Jul 2006 13:04:32 PDT
1. name:
2. birthday:
3. place of residence:
4. what makes you happy:

5. what are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. do you read my journal thingy:
7. if you do, what is particularly good/bad about it:
8. an interesting fact about you:
9. are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. favourite place to be:
11. favourite lyric:
12. best time of the year:
13.what do you think of my work?
14. Have I been a good friend to you?
15. Tell me something you've never told me before:
16.would you be interested in me if we met?
17.whats the perfect person for you?

PLUS

1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your journal so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. post or link a pic of you (if possible) ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8933354/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8933354/ Wed, 31 May 2006 18:19:06 PDT ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8361509/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8361509/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 07:55:20 PDT depend on if you have a car to drive,
money to spend, on always
having somewhere to be

Because happiness sometimes relies
on other people, not just ourselves,
on having someone when
you really need them, or arms
to take you when yours are absent,
on what happens inside and outside of
your mind

Because life can get complicated
or ugly when we do not have what
we really need to survive, or
when we cannot feel another being
who



.... ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8041223/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8041223/ Mon, 20 Mar 2006 18:53:19 PST i gegnum hausinn
hugsa halfa leio
aftursbak

se sjalfan mig syngja sem
fagnaoarerindio vio somdum saman

vio attum okkur draum
attum allt...

vio rioum heimsendi
mio rioum leitandi
klifruoum skyjakljufa
sem sioar sprungu upp
friourinn uti
eg lek jafnvaegi
dett niour
eg laet mig lioa afram i gegnum hausinn
eg kem alltaf niour aftus a sama stao

alger pogn
ekkert svar
an pao besta sem gui hefure skapao
er nyr dagur


This is life.
I wish it were Walgreens. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8021521/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/8021521/ Mon, 27 Feb 2006 19:03:01 PST with people in no particular order::

first of all, thanks to ~frankienexus and ~givememyshoe
through their example, i've pushed truth through my writing,
and have become a better at showing the truth in general,
with metallic words, instead of the soft feather beds i used

~buRntfiRe is my main inspiration, give him a watch and
just maybe he'll eventually post some of his writing

~Jazz-YOU for guiding me through writing about
the things that are on the outside, as well as the inside,
and memories and just things in general!


and be sure to check out the new ~NerdNation
a good friend who's finally got a d.a. account


-shrugs- it was random, i know
but i feel better now. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7933042/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7933042/ Sat, 18 Feb 2006 10:00:49 PST about a completely different subject,
with a completely different structure..

though i have a few ideas about the structure,
i have absolutely no idea about what to make the subject

so if anyone has any ideas,
or subjects they can't seem to get out right,
please tell me, i'd love to give it a try ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7872801/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7872801/ Sun, 12 Feb 2006 10:52:51 PST
and bordom relief.. stolen from jazz-you

What is your name?: Melissa
Are you named after anyone?: my brother's crush in 1ts [?] grade
What's your screen name?: xXdr0psXx
Would you name a child of yours after you?: no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Luke -shrugs-
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: hah.. probably.. everyone would probably mispronounce it and call me ''hammer''
Your gender: female
Single?: nope
Birth date: 6.23.89
Your age: 16
Age you act: 286
Age you wish you were: 16
Your height: 5'3''
Your living arrangement: parents
Your family: mom, dad, brother
Obsessions?: staying thin
Addictions?: [what's the difference..?] writing, reading, horses
Do you speak another language?: kind of spanish and pig latin if that counts
Have a favorite quote?: 'Heaven's cold beneath my feet'
Do you live in the moment?: i try
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: depends on who they are
Do you have any secrets?: yes
Do you hate yourself?: no
Do you like your handwriting?: sometimes
Do you have any bad habits?: i bite the inside of my cheeks and crack my fingers
What is the compliment you get from most people?: ''beautiful hair''
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: ''Throw this movie away''

-Stuff-
What's your biggest fear?: not achieving my dreams
Can you sing?: yes.. wether it's good or not, i don't know
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: haha, no
Are you a loner?: yeah, sometimes
What are your #1 priorities in life?: to be happy
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: no
Are you a daredevil?: nope
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: my hair..! and legs
Are you passive or aggressive: passive
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength: really patient
Weakness: i get too attached
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: i'd have thinner legs
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: not all the time, but i try
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: well.. no.. because i'm happy with things how they are, and if anything in my past was different i might not be happy with it, or i might do something i've done in the past and mess up wht i'm now happy with.
Do you think life has been good so far?: it's got it's moments
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: things change, and you can't keep them from doing so
What do you like the most about your body?: my eyes
And least?: my legs
Do you think you are good looking?: uhm.. yeah.. sometimes
Are you confident?: no
What is the fictional character you are most like?: -blinks-
Are you perceived wrongly?: a lot of times

-Do You…
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: no
Pray?: no
Go to church?: no
Talk to strangers who IM you?: no
Sleep with stuffed animals?: one, and only if i'm upset
Take walks in the rain?: yes
Talk to people even though you hate them?: sometimes
Like to drive fast?: yes

-Would or Have You Ever?-
Liked your voice?: yeah
Hurt yourself?: yeh..
Been out of the country?: yes
Eaten something that made other people sick?: i don't think so
Been in love?: yes
Done drugs?: yes
Had surgery?: when i was born, and it was minor
Gotten beaten up?: no
Beaten someone up?: no lol
Been picked on?: yes
Been on stage?: i think so
Slept outdoors?: yeah
Thought about suicide?: yeh
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: well.. he was asleep. i wasn't
Slept all day? yep
killed somemeone?: hah what do you think
Made out with a stranger?: no
Had sex with a stranger?: ew..no
Thought you're going crazy?: all the time
Kissed the same sex?: yeah
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: yeh
Been Betrayed?: yes
Had a dream that came true?: yeah
Broken the law?: yep
Met a famous person?: no
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: i think.. a lizard
On purpose?: no!!!
Stolen anything?: yeah
Been in a mosh-pit?: haha.. yes
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yes
-Beliefs-
Believe in life on other planets?: maybe in a really far away galaxy
Miracles?: yeah
Astrology?: no
Magic?: no
~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7722819/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7722819/ Sun, 29 Jan 2006 20:25:30 PST
1.
You never were your own person. Your ideas and thoughts were stolen from everyone around you, it dissapoints and aggrivates me to no end.

2.
You have become what i hope to be one day, stong, crazy, and focused. You've never comprimised yourself for anyone, that i know of, and hopefully i can say that only when i was young and stupid that i did, and then realized i should be more like you.

3.
The little things count the most, and you haven't stopped surprising me with them. Your patience is a contradiction, and i'm glad i haven't chased you away.

4.
Stop thinking you're five, and that you have to act five in order to not be eventually old. The things you do to yourself make you look horrible, stop caring what others think of your face, take their advise on not acting immature, and think about how you WANT to look, you'll be a much happier person.

5.
You're sick. I never wanted to know the things you do, but unfortunately i found out. If i knew the things that i know now when i was little, i would have never stuck around you.

6.
It feels like you owe me a new life, but on the other hand it feels like you taught me something. There were good times, but now you need to look at what you're doing and get your life in order. Do whatever you need to, to keep yourself happy.

7.
The voice in your poetry insipires me, and awes me. Hope you never stop sharing your truth to the world.

8.
Sorry that so many people dislike you and don't understand what you're saying. Don't give up on sharing your thoughts just because people don't raise us well anymore and most of us don't care about what you're saying. Continue talking for us who listen and get inspiration from you.

9.
It didn't have to be the way it was, but it is, and it's done.

10.
Sometimes i really hate you, but you're a contradiction in how you talk. Thanks for having listened when i needed you to.

11.
What happened shouldn't have. If you really believed in god and worshiped him like you always said you did, it shouldn't have happened. You're a liar, and you decieve what you believe in.

12.
I miss you and when you would hold me until i fell asleep. I'm sorry i got distant in the end and was afraid to go to you, you were so frail, and i knew i wasn't little anymore. I wish our good-bye could have been different.

13.
You don't make sense. Sometimes you're so calm, but you're set off in half a second. And you know you should stop hating yourself.

14.
Your eyes creep me out, and if you were yelling at me in the hallway, don't. Our friendship was a bit .. abusive .. and you weird me out.

Actually, 15 now, because i wanted to add just one more

15.
You might've died out there in the streets. I don't know what's happened to you, what else they've devoured and changed and thrown away, what other drugs and drinks they've pushed on you, but i hope you haven't died out there in the streets. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7589569/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7589569/ Fri, 13 Jan 2006 05:15:21 PST 1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. No kidding, ANYTHING, I'll give you the absolute honest truth, to the best of my ability.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7413482/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7413482/ Sun, 25 Dec 2005 12:15:43 PST
hope everyone's having a good holiday

And happy new years, have fun blowing stuff up


]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7037143/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/7037143/ Sun, 13 Nov 2005 18:08:40 PST the cold
body heat
silver
his eyes
high heels [not on me]
long hair
polite people
flowers -lilies and orchids
chinese apples [pomegranates]
sunlight


-3 things that make you happy:
him
the winter
hearing someone play an acoustic guitar


-3 things that anger you:
people who waste talents
writers block
lies


-10 things that you hate:
fighting/yelling
good songs with one bad part that ruins the whole thing
bad breath
my hair
not being able to read peoples thoughts
being graded on things
monkies
rap
random people who stare too much
not being able to say what i mean



-3 facts about your name:
my brother gave it to me, after his crush
i would rather another name
my parents came up with too many nicknames with it


-5 facts about yourself:
i'm scared to live with someone i'm in a relationship with
i used to look like the ''pepsi girl''
my self esteem is almost non existant
i get bored and make cds
i am easily amused


-2 things you expect (at least for now):
to wake up much too early tomorrow, and still end up being late
my face to peel- i hate sunburn


-4 random thoughts:
hm.. maybe he's working on his car..
i wonder when my mom's gona make the coffee
my neighborhood is full of spies.. i can't stand it
i don't think the orchid is going to last much longer...


-Song you're listening to (give artist):
tired of being sorry - ringside


-Time?:
18.25


-10 People you'll tag this to: (no particular order):
burntfire
frankienexus
sizerp
xsunshinex
magesblood
dirtybrownpaper
ausicmic
xsaltinmywoundx
xmidnightmelodyx
aiae ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6846906/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6846906/ Sun, 23 Oct 2005 15:33:00 PDT so here are twenty truths


1. I want to be like Anne Rice's Louis
2. My best friend is my worst enemy
3. I can't stand people screaming at eachother
4. I would rather die alone than in a lie
5. Almost no one knows who i really am
6. Air conditioning gives me a headache
7. Lights other than the sun make me feel sick
8. I can't grow plants
9. I keep the t.v. on so that it doesn't sound so quiet
10. Turtle necks make me feel like i'm chocking
11. I love fishing
12. The sky doesn't seem as blue as it used to be
13. I like fuzzy clothes
14. This is the first hurricane i am worried about
15. Over half the time when i don't pick up my cell phone, it's not because i don't have service, i just don't like talking on phones
16. I don't get out enough
17. I love cities, but can't stand the amount of people in them
18. I adore polite people
19. I love accents, but often can't understand it when people with them talk
20. I hold on too tightly to memories


I tag everyone who reads this! ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6759170/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6759170/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 16:13:47 PDT this will
and this belief that I
am someone I am truely not,
and yes I said I wish I could be
someone they respect,
but how can you take me
and make me an example
for perfecting yourself?

god, I love it,
the fact that you can see me,
the side that I do not
and that you can do such a thing
as take the horrible, the bloody bruised,
take it into you
and savor it, while I
stare at the sight in disbelief
please never take your faith out of me,
even though
I am not really what you think


500 pg views


Well, hurricane Wilma is supposed to come Saturday,
and they say s.w. florida will probably get hit, we most
likely won't evactuate, and most likely will lose power,
so if you don't hear from me for a few days, that's why.. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6599016/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6599016/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 13:26:36 PDT dances and drinks its soul away
I stand alone, here in the milky dark
wondering what could make them bitter to these things

but while you fade I grow
sick and hating it, but freeing myself
from these strings and ropes
cutting away with pocket knives

sometimes pressing break reality
pushes me over the limit
and scatters fucked up, wrongly made desire

staring at the unmade bed, frowning
at the screen where stupid movies play
I wonder how ling it'll be before I break
and fall asleep, I don't want this any more

spurts of insomnia and then deep dreams
where I can never escape the captor
and then we fall in love
[that doesn't make much sense]
and when I can run from one side
of my circular mind straight to the other
and dance alone the beach in search
of rare fish and stone statues

and it wounds me when they ask
'how could they do that to themselves?'
and I understand perfectly well
but I don't think you ever will
[maybe I'm naive]

only thirty minutes left
to shift out thoughts and
to get things that need to be said
forced upwars and out in
a gush of painful words
like that first spurt of blood

tell me now that these open wounds
won't matter soon, and that
forgiveness is downwind
meaningless and without purpose
we'd breathe our time in and
walk away, suffocating ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6592962/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6592962/ Sat, 24 Sep 2005 19:19:45 PDT you didn't bleed. explain yourself
why do you love me ?
no falsities, mumbles of 'your beauty'
nor cliches, or slang words
just raw, hidden emotions
answer me
because
I have no idea what you see ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6523562/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6523562/ Fri, 16 Sep 2005 20:02:39 PDT you can hear the cracking
as every fragile word
smashes itself down
I'm firmly convinced
you can hear the cracking
and maybe you get off from the sound

No one was supposed to hear it
but me,
sensual,
perfect,
and personal
the chills seeping down
my spine
splashing against
the mirrored backdrop

And now I stare
through black olive glass
it was fast,
but will hurt forever
the heart break leaking out
last ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6513598/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6513598/ Thu, 15 Sep 2005 16:44:44 PDT
one: you watched as i broke nfront of you
though you can't seem to remember now
somehow knowing just what to say
when i rarely even spoke to you,
drawing everything out from situations before
and i fell oh-so-hard without knowing

two: suggestions play on off beat words
we hinted like hell until you heard
and then wrapped in sentences,
like the only comfor i've ever felt
[and how we fell in love]

three: bruised and bloody, fighting till the bitter end
and i even captured you with this,
i admit i was also lost in your words. abandonment.
hating your pleasure out of it all
i forced on back and pushed ice cold words
as deep as i could into your skin
[i didn't want you to know
just how much i..]

four: trapped deep, i did it to myself
yeah, i did have help from you, but
quit blaming it on yourself
i really do feel cold and indifferent
to everyone's arms now
but my own
even though i bruise myself every day
with repeated memories and new daydreams

i get the impression it's never going to fade
let me run away ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6486820/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6486820/ Mon, 12 Sep 2005 15:29:10 PDT yet i can't figure out why
your casual indifference
tearing me away
pushing my heart
and my head to reason
but my heart's too strong
and my brain
can't push all that blood away
so i do my best to look away
from locked eyes
cold with
how i killed you

how can i detach myself
from this ? ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6452619/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6452619/ Thu, 08 Sep 2005 17:27:28 PDT 'that this would happen'
so why'd you think you could change it ?
-no responce

now staring at a blank screen
that slowly blurs out of vision

i don't want this again
'what ?'
anything. everything
' ... '

play out conversations in my head
unfortunate that there,
it's a lot more peaceful than you

i don't care anymore. i can't
'i know, but i'm here'
i know, but i'm not

too much knowledge, not enough hallucinations
or something
what ever you'd call dreams
while staring at the walls, wide awake

maybe you can't really see what'll happen
'ya i can'
fuck you. liar

and the peace is broken again,
this has happened before,
dejavu
so i end now, before
the screaming starts again ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6308172/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6308172/ Tue, 23 Aug 2005 16:05:29 PDT everytime i feel you
it feels like a good-bye

but this time it was different
it felt like the final time

yeah i'm finally sick of the yelling
and the 'i fucking hate you's
after this..

i'll stop thinking of you
[what ever you want to tell yourself]

and how much i loved those deep blue eyes
and bitter fucking words
and final good-byes

[you always said to me
you'll never have to see me again]

i can't stand the way my breath gets caught
when i catch your scent
the way you're fucking fading
as you stand infront of me


ugh.. the things we tell ourselves to make the days go by ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6167635/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/6167635/ Mon, 08 Aug 2005 10:32:30 PDT his face is made of steel

I know a boy who loves too much
he just wants to feel

I know a lady who hides too much
it shows inside her eyes

I know a girl who feels too much
she wants to be numb
-But that's just me
and I don't mean too much ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5980669/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5980669/ Tue, 19 Jul 2005 19:39:31 PDT

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'cause I know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
and all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am" ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5694285/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5694285/ Sun, 19 Jun 2005 12:02:38 PDT
Mood: Bouncy
Listening to: My tv and You - Vast
Reading: Edgar Allen Poe
Watching: Dances With Wolves

Wow, 200 pageviews! Seems like i just posted the thanks for 100!! Thanks twice as much for 200.

Well, i'm working on a piece right now, kind of a project, that won't be out till late December/early January.

Other than that, an old friend and i started talking again. So i'm really happy.. i'm sure you've all noticed the new poems. heh heh. Check out Bound, it's probably the best one i've written so far.

Thanks again. >feels like i was just writing this<


Oh, and i was randomly chosen for the 7 day subscription or what ever, it's great. Soon as i get a job i'm subscribing.

]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5606237/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5606237/ Fri, 10 Jun 2005 04:57:55 PDT
My internet and computers are being really .. odd .. and they keep kicking me off and doing all sorts of stupid crap, so if i don't post for a week or two at a time, that's probably why.

I'm supposedly getting a digital camera soon, so hopefully i'll be able to post some pictures on here as well.

Hmm.. i was overjoyed when i got the 100 pageviews!!

Thanks to all who watch, randomly read, and comment. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5521423/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5521423/ Wed, 01 Jun 2005 12:49:03 PDT
If you're at my page then [if you haven't] read my poem "The end will always scar"

That's really all that i have left to write about and i don't want to get repetitive. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5460000/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5460000/ Wed, 25 May 2005 17:57:18 PDT but if that turned around
i'd grieve the special dirty things that we used to talk about
i mean that loving you is strange
and adored by me throughout
oh no, it's you again
Someday soon you'll find that someone
waiting for the chance to beat you
drooling on the set to feel you
blessing you with every kiss

Tying yourself to me
stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
so precious loving the thrill
Tying yourself to me
Stitch up my emptiness cause your the death of me
So precious loving the thrill


At least.. part.. of Stitches. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5440844/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5440844/ Mon, 23 May 2005 17:04:26 PDT sometimes the things that mean the most, you can't always hold.


-shrugs- just thought of that. I might be working on it more to eventually make it a poem. I doubt it though.


"I need someone to break the silence screaming in my heart and in my soul.."


I haven't been in a real creative mood lately.. so i might not be bombarding Da with so many poems for a little while. heh.


Btw, does anyone know why my deviations don't show up on my page as soon as i post them ? It takes like a day or so and i don't know why ? ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5354681/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5354681/ Sat, 14 May 2005 09:16:12 PDT
Once you're outside of what you've been in for a while, you realize all the things done wrong, all the things you want to fix, and all the things you'd do different if you were to ever be there again.


" It’s funny how you’re not close enough to take my hand,
but close enough to take my heart
- then kick it ‘cause it got in the way.
[the things you promised me still seem so real]

I write letters to you everyday,
they sit in a shoe box I keep in my wardrobe. "

-A line from "Recovering from dreams" by inmyroom
Just something that's been playing over and over in my head, and it's exactly how i feel right now..


I don't know what to say really. I just want to get out of this place, and just to sort things out in my head cause i don't know what to feel right now. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5311176/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5311176/ Mon, 09 May 2005 13:00:07 PDT
I want to thank you for that. And i wish we could have gone on.. but i understand your pain and i understand you know mine as well.

In all truth i am scared of what is going to happen in the future now. Never was i in the months before. As i'm typing this, i'm crying, but these words are meant to be stronger than that.. They're meant to be as strong as love is supposed to be.

And maybe one day we'll have eachother again. And maybe we won't.

That.. twenty minutes if that.. i felt like i was slipping away. I cried infront of you, and other than the closest of friends, i could never do that before.

I knew that night, even before i ever even talked to you the first time, that nothing was the same. I could hear it in your vioce. And i knew the pain reached a nerve too far when i told you that something was wrong with the way we were.

More than anything, i hope that that one day will come where we'll find eachother again. And until then, i'll be waiting for you to come back. Cause there's no way i could ever leave.

There's just one.. sad.. poetic thing that i would like to say. As true as everything that i've felt for you..

Today i lost my everything. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5141199/ http://xXdr0psXx.deviantart.com/journal/5141199/ Mon, 25 Apr 2005 17:02:21 PDT but at least it's the senic road.''

-well guess what, the guy who wrote this
has been dead for 3 years. He went to sleep
in his best friend's bed and never woke up.
His heart stopped beating in the middle of
what he thought was going to be just a nap.

Maybe that can help you realize something,
maybe you won't care, but take it into
concideration. ]]> ~xXdr0psXx