_{Ok, so I was talking to} on MSN, and I kind of admitted I have this crush on a guy I'm best friends with called Dean. And he isn't the best looking guy(some people say) but in my eye's he looks...lethal =3

He's just.....we have so much in common. Like he has played KH and is into the whole game, and I like it too. He's played some Sonic games, and is interested in the doodles of Shadow and others in school. We have the same interests. We have the same sense of humor. We are both not entirely smart, but we are when we need to be. And.....oh god.....I just find him to be so cool and funny.

Everything he does......everything he says......

Like, when I was sitting in the canteen eating lunch with my friends I asked Niamh where Dean was and she said," With Jamie and the rest of the boys." And I was just like," Awww...I wanted him to stay with us."

And he only went with them outside because he couldn't find our 'group' and went with the other boys from our class.

And in English today we were reading, ' Philli' here I come.' And Dean was Gar and I was Kate( if most of you don't know Gar and Kate used to be madly in love with each other). We read out the scene where Gar was kissing Kate's hair and kissing her lips and ....... I was so embarrased in class. I was laughing so much because I was so nervous and bashfull. People were saying," Caoimhe's married to Dean!" and I was like," Shut up! No am not!"

Yesterday wasn't too good. Niamh was kind off talking to Dean like all day and I got an envious feeling. I know it's stupid and really low for me to think and feel something like that, but that's what happened. At the end of the day I just went up and was like," See ye' later Dean!" And he just smiled and waved back.

But then there's another boy in my class. Ciarán. He always drops like little hints and I'm too damn blind to see it. He has alot in common with me too. A little too much in common too. He said to me one day, when I was drawing Shadow," Is that Shadow?" And I said," Yeah." And then he said, something that I'll never forget," I know him from the games I've played. I don't watch the show...y'know...I just play games that he's been in." And I was thinking,' Oh my goodness he has watched Sonic X!' That was big for me because I mean not alot of people my age watch the show, and it was so obvious he has seen it before, and recently.

Every morning I see him, passing me on the stairs where our lockers are, he says," Hello Caoimhe." And I just smile and say," Well Ciaran"
(where I'm from we say 'wel' as a gretting most of the time)

And I sit beside him in Irish class and the other day I sat beside my friend Niamh because the girl that sat beside her was off sick. And he came in and seen me and then he looked kind of sad and I was like," I'm sorry Ciarán she wants me to sit here." And he said," Right."

So yesterday in Irish we were in a different classroom, and he sat across from me and he said," Y'know I still havn't forgiv' ye' about last week." And I was like," Awww Im sorry."

And today I did it again I'm so stupid. As soon as he seen I did it again, he looked really sad. I felt awful. I missed talking to him. But my best friend Niamh hated were she was sitting and I'm her best friend, I didn't want her to feel left out, so I let her sit beside me for a while. Ciarán called to me during the class and said," I'm done my work Caoimhe." and I was like," Holy shit! I only have lak one line done." And he goes," Well that's because you're not beside me." And I
just went silent. I didn't know what to say to him.

So this is kind of a love triangle for me. I just am really confused right now. Am I trying to hard for Dean, or am I just blocking out Ciarán? Or am I just being stupid and delirius and thinking that people could love someone ugly like me?