http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xam&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xam en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:32:17 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/21421337/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/21421337/ Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:15:39 PST this was a day that still is. it still hasn't ended. and i don't think it ever will.


that's me. with him.


please go look at the world through his eyes.


that's all you have to do.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/17381519/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/17381519/ Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:12:43 PDT i can no longer tollerate narrowminded people
i can no longer tollerate uncharitable people
i can no longer tollerate ignorant people

last night i had to make a bad, bad decision. someone i have known for over 5 years just came into focus in my mind. i realized that they filled all three criteria and i was left wondering, "why are you here? i don't spend time with people like that, and you are one of those people."

i don't feel duped, i don't feel stupid, but as soon as i had the realization i made my decision.

they kept trying to talk and i used one of my own forbidden words, "shut up".

and then it was done.

a point of 'no going back' is rare for me, i don't usually operate that way but this was just over in a way that i can't describe.



so it's time to settle accounts and clean house. i've not got time for this shit or the people who embody it. i feel terribly intolerant but at the same time, i can't drink bitter water anymore, i can only absorb so much.


and while i am no one's teacher or preacher, i'm going to tell everyone to do the same, look around and clear the shitheads out of your life. i feel like crap, but i feel better.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/16249220/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/16249220/ Fri, 04 Jan 2008 01:53:31 PST new work
at first i was going to call them 'tunnel vision' because they all seemed like those things that you see down a long tunnel in a dream, real feelings but not physically real.
and how do you explain those feelings to someone, that are so real to you, that make you do things, prompt your behavior and there's nothing substantial to show as a source?
they cart people off to scary hospitals for visions.

there's those places you remember as a child, a house where you used to live, a street where you used to play or a winter season when something happened and now the snow always reminds you.
and then there's those places your mind 'makes up' so it can make sense of things, editorial license with your past and it's more about what you remembered that you saw than what your eyes actually did see.
so too, we have places (real and metaphorical) that we hope we'll get too, destinations in the world, sunsets on beaches, natural wonders, and places that involve people we haven't met yet, but we hope we do.

what do you see when you close your eyes?


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travail
i've been working on some collaborative design projects with a good friend. i feel incredibly fortunate that when we work together the sparks fly, in a good way, and we produce good work that is shown in public. one item will be on display i a museum in england before the end of the year.

fait choses
my canvas that i built turned out well! it got painted (i fudged and used white latex primer instead of gesso) and now i am playing with various designs on it. it will hang in my living room and will be more 'spatial' art, something to fill a wall, rather than anything in particular. i'll post photos to my scraps.

froid
i don't usually like winter but there is a huge snow storm coming in tonight and tomorrow and i can't wait. i'm not sure what to make of my new found liking for bad weather. the cold itself is still my enemy, so i've not gone completely mad.

les autres
yes it's true - i twitter.

i now sit in the east - i am worshipful master of my lodge this year. people are treating me with soft gloves and asking my permission for things, it's weird.

i'm half way thru learning the hebrew alphabet.

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[link] - this site has some amazing works of art, take the time to look thru and see what they are made of.

[link] - now i know this may ruffle some feathers but i have to say, finally! someone is speaking sense.

[link] - for anybody who likes star wars, esp. those who couldn't like the "first three", read this for a totally different take.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/16007838/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/16007838/ Wed, 19 Dec 2007 22:38:05 PST
well 2007 will go down as a year of changes and shifting sands. some things have come back, some things have left forever and some things came and went sooner than i ever guessed they would.

it's all very bitter sweet to tell you the truth.

i needed to clear the previous journal so i am just throwing this in here with a few links. i'll be back to update it in a day or so. right now the tornado that lifted me off the ground at 10.30am this morning still has me in it's grasp, but it's all ok... i'm the king of cups.

i like this quick reference: [link]

this site made me think about my friend in illinois, this is for you J-Man: [link]

and just because i love things that throw spanners into works and aspersions into people's deepest set beliefs: [link]


and I am strangely attracted to reading from the LOLCAT bible: [link]

More later...

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/15326508/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/15326508/ Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:48:48 PDT constructionist art
well, as part of a process i've had in mind for quite some time, i've built my first canvas. i've been toying with the idea of constructing the art materials as well as creating the art itself. the next step is to make my "paintbrushes" too. i'm not sure about the paint as i don't know how to make it from scratch. i know i can get pigments and solutions for it, but i may just settle on my old acrylic friends in the big plastic box in the cupboard.

i still have so many unfinished canvasses with half-forgotten works on them, i feel bad, they're like neglected dirty children going feral, living under the bed and eating dust-bunnies. at work i'm moving to a new office (we all are) on campus and so i've been asked by my boss to make something 'wonderful' to go on the walls. i'm thinking of a few 3D works as well as more traditional 2D artwork.

night of shadows
halloween came and went. i was going to turn my desk into a 'dark arts' altar, i had all the gear, black and white candles, ceremonial dagger, bowl, ouija, tarot cards, pentacles, etc. but one of my team had (another) death in her family (2 in a month) the day before and so it dawned on me it might be a tad insensitive to really do anything, so i passed. i did see a lion riding a motorbike on the freeway though, on the way home. no, really.

i thought of my witchy friends, the priests and druids, the true 'watchers' and walkers of this world who observed the turning and the light lit from within to compliment the 'outer' darkness that comes upon us. rush on december 21st is all i'll say. halcyon days.

ch-ch-ch-changes
so many people seem to be either going thru harsh changes or i feel like that they're about to be given opportunities for change at the moment.

play on
i recently heard and obtained the latest album by enigma and really liked it. it's called 'a posteriori'. other new discoveries include 'the pigeon detectives' (think 'the killers' in a naughty mood), mark knopfler's 'kill to get crimson' (excellent 'northern folk' combined with classic knopfler), siouxsie sioux's 'mantaray', a great band called "persephone's bees' and another band called 'silversun pickups'.

beans and socks
yeah, stupid reference to boston there. i've been asked to be on standby for a possible business trip to boston in a few weeks time. here's the weird thing... i think i've been there. but i can't remember. something says i have, but i can't separate it out from all the other places. i'm going senile.


bookend
not much else to say really, i enjoy reading all your journals, even if i don't reply (i do in my head ok, so just get with the telepathic thing already). i want to hibernate thru winter, as always, and am thinking that, after burying myself for 5 months in a new job that at christmas i may just slip away for a few days to somewhere warm that doesn't have any telephones.

hope you all are well.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/15202015/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/15202015/ Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:08:50 PDT
following the discovery of just how small some people are in their thinking and yet how great they think they are. and me, the whipping post again in the minds of the 'clever and smart' ones. pffffff... jog on.


"Little Englander" - Simply Red

You think you're important
You are, you're a car, you're a shell

When you hit that city road you sure give them hell

Are you sure he's showing off or are you really showing us yourself?
Little Englander, Little Englander
In your search to be a star you became the prick you are
Little Englander, Little Englander
Little Little Englander

Judge me go on it amuses me
As you pickle through your tirade
You prattle on to the point of a laugh
Your Hieronymus Bosch-like soul
Betrays who you really are

Little Englander, Little Englander
Let me smash the plastic face of my country
My country no more
My lovely country


(p.s. Mick Hucknall was my art teacher for a term in school which makes me even more grateful for this.)

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/14793698/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/14793698/ Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:43:15 PDT
Hello sweetie! How are you? I miss you terribly and wonder if you think of me. I remember our days together, boy were you HOT! I couldn't keep my clothes on some days...

You made me sweat, baby, you made me moan - but that's ok, it was worth it. I remember those nights, lying in bed, wondering if this 'thing' we had going would ever cool off, it sure felt like you'd keep me restless and moist forever.

What happened? Was it something I said, did I not pay attention to you? Maybe I didn't love you, as much as I could've, little things I could have said or done, I guess I never took the time. But you were always on my mind.

Yeah, I know, it's a song, but it was our song, all those lonely, lonely nights... Ok, I'll stop, but you have to understand, that without you I am cold and uninspired. I miss being out with you at night.

So babe, come back to me, make my temperature rise again, like you always can, make me moist and yearn for a shower... yeah, you know...

Summer, where did you go?

All my love,

xam

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/14367015/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/14367015/ Mon, 27 Aug 2007 15:16:20 PDT addicted to crystalized ginger. And someone out there should know i directly blame them and their offering of it to me in California earlier this year!




The new job is going luverly and I am enjoying myself. I am playing boss this week in the absence of the boss and the ppl who have been here longer than me are all coming to me asking for help and direction. I love it, it's good to be back where I feel good again. Three years of hiding away did nothing but turn the volume down and give me time to repeat view periods of my life. Eventually you get sick of the re-runs. I threw that TV out.




my guinea pigs have their own webcam and their own account on skype! i can call them from work and talk to them. they think it's god... they hear the voice but can't see me! they are steadily adding friends to their buddy list and gaining a following. bless.




Friend M got a great job promotion. Amazing job promotion. Overseas job promotion. Israel. For a year. It's left me a little bit empty and pretty sad. We're video skyping and emailing and so it looks like Ima going to Israel in springtime to visit. But it sucks that one of the few ppl I trust and who understands me is so far away.




In other news. Someone from Blighty is coming to visit in October/November. And that is a very, very good thing.




All in all, not a bad update.


Now, enough about me, tell me what's going on in your life.... spill it....

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13823724/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13823724/ Sat, 21 Jul 2007 17:11:55 PDT if i was there, i'd try to make it better.
if i was there, you'd know your worth.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13782628/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13782628/ Wed, 18 Jul 2007 13:43:58 PDT
today i took time to remember the first breath i took, i tried to feel that newness again, let go of a lot of the old dirty worn-out things and be as new as possible.

i called someone in england, to say things i meant. people make my world possible and the good ones make it enjoyable...


sometimes life can overwhelm us, there's such a lot of life to deal with and it's all heavy weather and contradictions and it can become tougher than it needs to be. but the universe is fair, it gradually leads us to launch pads and then fills the tanks with rocket fuel.

we all get to the stars we want to visit most. i truly believe that. i know it.

"patience my child, the way may not be clear, but it is sure..."
- neil armstrong



i'm happy today. happier than i've been in a long time.
i'm wishing you can feel some of that 'extra' today too. keep counting your minutes and seconds... but here's an idea, start counting down instead of up...

happy birthday to my mirrorman brother

happy birthday to me|he|we

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13695426/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13695426/ Fri, 13 Jul 2007 13:21:56 PDT music and images
got some suho pictures up in my gallery, go check out their music out, see the link on each image page.

i got to spend a day in the studio with them while they were recording and 'laying it down'.. amazing energy.

then we went on to take photys and i got to play with the images. some you will see here. i am stoked to be able to get to do this for them.

we even got in trouble with the police for taking shots of the refinery while on the railroad (federal property).


signed up
got a new job, sweet gig, good surroundings and ppl. back in the corporate world after an extended break.

fire and smoke
the whole state is on fire it seems, most days it's 105°F or more and we've got wildfires all over the mountains and deserts. one is over 800 sq. miles in area. air quality is beyond a joke, you have to chew it to breathe it.

philosophizing
anyone wanna talk about Bloom's Taxonomy?..


current soundtrack:
bob sinclair - love is the answer
orbital - transient
benny benassi - let it be
simian mobile disco - i got this down
vitalic - my friend dario
young gods - stay with us
killers - read my mind (psb remix)

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13602175/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13602175/ Wed, 04 Jul 2007 04:38:37 PDT

O say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;

O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen thro’ the mist of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream

’Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation,
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n-rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our Trust"

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

play it: [link]

know it: [link]

read it: [link]



get your patriot groove on.

xam ]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13360945/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13360945/ Fri, 15 Jun 2007 20:07:17 PDT odd bits of news
i finally finished an art project that i had a commission for. four canvases, not too big, but all part of the same thing. i forgot to take any shots of them though and i don't know if i will get chance to get pics of them.

i've got two more projects assigned to me for banners, i'm talking serious, heraldic banners, 6'x4'.

june's flying by and i haven't done a lot of anything it feels like. the weather is heating up and soon the high 90s and 100s will be here.

i've just done a two day shoot for an up and coming band here in salt lake. now i've got to go thru the images, find the best and start processing for their debut album and promo work.

current art soundtrack
charlotte gainsbourg - the songs that we sing
sneaker pimps - loretta young silks
touch'n'go - straight to #1 (dreamcatcher's remix)
yoko ono - revelations
magnetaphone - and may your last words be
duke special - last night i nearly died
liquid divine - overwritten

about comments: i haven't got comments on. this may seem like i'm limiting your ability to interact but i wanted to give the viewer an opportunity to spend some time alone with their thoughts. like in a real gallery. i enjoy hearing what people have to say and what they feel, i just want to make sure the real reason for posting work here is kept, and that is you.

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13016889/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/13016889/ Sat, 19 May 2007 18:39:17 PDT about comments: i haven't got comments on. this may seem like i'm limiting your ability to interact but i wanted to give you an opportunity to spend some time alone with your thoughts. like in a real gallery. i enjoy hearing what people have to say and what they feel, i just want to make sure the real reason for posting work here is kept. you.

i'm doing something i very, very rarely do. i am getting sick. it's like a weird inside cold, no nose or snuffle things, i've just about lost my voice, have got lungs that feel like pleurisy (if you've had it you'll know) and i'm woozy like the morning after a night of no sleep and several bottles of wine.

i detest my humanness sometimes.

i've had an incredibly odd week. a friend said "no, you've had one hell of a fucking week." i didn't disagree.

a few things made me happy though. i saw motorists slow and stop to let a duck and her babies cross the road. i formulated a new series of pics to post here with a theme. they'll be called 'adventures in mirrorland'. and someone is anonymously traveling on a plane and no one knows but he's kinda going home.

on another note, i saw this on a blog and i am stealing it and posting it here, as it sums up how i feel exactly.

"People all over the internet are saying the rudest, vilest things about Jerry Falwell and I for one refuse to jump on the bandwagon. I'm certainly no fan—but I can't forget how my Mama raised me. She always said “You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good."

So let me just say this: Jerry Falwell is dead.

Good."


Current Artwork Music:
The Knife - Forest Families
Madonna - Forbidden Love
Erasure - Glass Angel
James Holden - The Wheel Fixed
Gill Norris - Forme
Nathan Fake - The Sky Was Pink (Holden Remix)
Gennaro Rossi - Blueberry
Arno Cost - Magenta
Herman Schwartz - Nothing To Lose
New Order - Avalanche

]]> ~xam http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/12917799/ http://xam.deviantart.com/journal/12917799/ Fri, 11 May 2007 01:23:46 PDT
it's 2.20am and this is the earliest i've been home in over a week. beginning of the month is always crazy with meetings.

somebody got added to someone's myspace and they don't know them, but if they knew the person's conviction to do so, well, let's just say, i may be wrong, after all, about myspace and it's jizzfest of pages that look like disasters for the most part.

my friend, the witch, she's having a baby.

i've got a letter to deliver in the morning, the person receiving it won't like it. i'm resigning from work.

my truck needs a tune up, it's running like an old pit pony chewing on nails.

life is good.

]]> ~xam