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]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/9799987/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/9799987/ Mon, 21 Aug 2006 03:12:12 PDT
Let me introduce to you a wonderful thing called irony. Out of all the 9673401203 sites in the world, only [link] has a problem with my computer and shuts down for fun when the screen loads. Brilliant, eh? I don't believe it either. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7767549/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7767549/ Wed, 01 Feb 2006 03:44:21 PST Oh and it's rising in the back of your mind
You never could get it unless you were fed it
Now you're here, and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen, listen and wait for
The echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want, he's everything you need
He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says all the right things at exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why

You're waiting for someone to put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want, he's everything you need
He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says all the right things at exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight and watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine with all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island and into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice, but you still hide away
Anger of angels who won't return

He's everything you want, he's everything you need
He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
He says all the right things at exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7481146/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7481146/ Sun, 01 Jan 2006 16:55:46 PST
It haunted me for 4 hours, all the way till 9 o'clock, and then they vanished, leaving me just puzzled over why I would have /ever/ felt like that for.

I think, I will stay in bed longer, in that case. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7223115/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/7223115/ Sun, 04 Dec 2005 18:31:57 PST
I'm too afraid to look. In any case, mist obscures vision.

...What if I start from the middle, one end, or the other? What if I miss completely one route that would lead to a good ending? What if...


What if, what if, what if.

Possibility and permutation. In this bracket, if mere numbers can be so distressing- what more of life's own?

So I ask you. What preparation have you done, to ensure the future? What preparation, indeed.

And all this is moot, really, because we walk by faith, not by sight- nothing is simpler than just blind faith, leading to a sort of sardonic indifference towards life.

Apathetic way to be...?

But there's a new year ahead. New year, new resolution. New resolutions, and resolution to this as well.


"But I have hope for the future."

I know. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6967758/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6967758/ Sun, 06 Nov 2005 01:28:32 PST ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6931765/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6931765/ Wed, 02 Nov 2005 01:53:04 PST
Not at all.

What's it gotta take, to be able to find you, where you are, once and for all see you without all your pretty veils.


Without me trying to second guess and come out second best. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6843410/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6843410/ Sun, 23 Oct 2005 08:26:44 PDT

You've let me down, you know. I thought you'd grown up, changed, become less besotted with yourself -

You've never understood; when there was so little to understand, but you refuse to accept, refuse to believe-



-When I think of /you/, and all that life has put you through, and everything is all right again, because as sorry as I was feeling for myself, I remember what an incredible person you are, to have survived all that, and not sound like me at all, because you are an amazing, and awesome, and decent person, and shame makes me swallow all my shallow whining. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6806210/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6806210/ Wed, 19 Oct 2005 03:18:28 PDT it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that
I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless
to dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard
when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet you love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again
and do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when You do you make it light
as I exhale I hear Your voice
and I answer You, though I heardly make a noise
and from my lips the words I choose to say
seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
because I love You
oh God, I love You
and life is now worth living
if only because of You
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I life my eyes up to You
I won't look very far
cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again
to lift me up again ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6762056/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6762056/ Thu, 13 Oct 2005 22:14:31 PDT
Sigh. I guess it's because you're going home- and I didn't get to spend that much time with you. Rar. MY EXAMS ARE OVER AND I HAVE MORE SCHOOL THAN EVER. Sigh. Terrible mood. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6702172/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6702172/ Fri, 07 Oct 2005 08:08:35 PDT

And a new Cg. Wow. First one for this entire darn year.

I owe people art. << ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6631969/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6631969/ Thu, 29 Sep 2005 07:18:08 PDT
Wow's the feeling; of going from O to A, and at the same time, from A to O.

3 years.

I refuse. I absolutely refuse.

]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6569301/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6569301/ Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:57:12 PDT
Maybe there isn't anything to say, or maybe I'll tell you about it when you come to talk to me, but I'm just in one of those phases where everything is just bad... no, the aftertaste is just... sort of this... bitter, you know? Yes, you know.

Oh, I got Rittersport from my teacher.

What do you see in me, in this life that I live? So far from perfect; worse still- so prosiac.

GP exam tommorrow.

At least I know I'm the best GP rep she ever had, even though I wasn't much for GP in class

At least I'll have chocolate to comfort myself tommorrow when... well, whenever.

Indulgence is disgusting, isn't it? Aren't I?

And it's time to get started on work. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6455522/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6455522/ Fri, 09 Sep 2005 00:58:23 PDT
Instead I'm doing my econs. Struggling with Supply and market structures. This little pig went to market, how much did he buy, for who, and why?

Overdue homework.
Papers on pages on papers on marble.
"Be an Overachiever", is what the diary reads. Another diary lies face down, breathing ink-secrets onto marble. Stone.

Maybe all of this isn't real. Maybe once-upon-a-time, there was an escape rope. Somewhere? Exhausted fantasy options from reading and gaming.



I only really feel alive when I think of you, better yet, talk to you, better yet, see you. For that time you make everything seem surreal; the wash of drear mundania no longer crowding out colour. Grey.

But I haven't- not in a long, long time.

I'm missing you, missing you so. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6382126/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6382126/ Wed, 07 Sep 2005 18:39:47 PDT

My clubs:


I'm an idiot, really. I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to submit a journal entry. xD

Anyway- I think I should be going back into hiatus. I sort of broke mine on MSN- so out of guilt, I'm thinking of a cold turkey from everything. Which would probably be a really good idea since the exams are coming for me. Mew.

Cold turkey? Yes? Hahah. Oh well. At least I got some inspiration from last night. So back to the work it is. Sigh. ]]> ~xandinavian http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6209700/ http://xandinavian.deviantart.com/journal/6209700/ Fri, 12 Aug 2005 17:26:34 PDT ~xandinavian