http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xasbars&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xasbars en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:20:00 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/9228947/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/9228947/ Fri, 30 Jun 2006 07:02:09 PDT

smile as much as you can

its good for you. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/8105265/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/8105265/ Wed, 08 Mar 2006 16:48:10 PST And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
This day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
A day that Ill never miss
Such a lonely day
And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life

Such a lonely day
And its mine
A day that I'm glad I survived

-system of a down <3
................


i am pretty glad i survived.
sometimes i dont think i will.

in the end. im the stronger one. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/7170118/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/7170118/ Mon, 28 Nov 2005 18:02:09 PST
this chapter of my story is over.


or it is for now. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/6974538/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/6974538/ Sun, 06 Nov 2005 18:40:40 PST

what a lucky girl <3


sometimes things are so unblanced you feel like your going to freakout and slam your head into a wall....

then.. at other times.


life just balances itslef out and with something bad, inevitble comes something good.... so your always sure that when something bad happens you have that one, special person to look for, to give you that support and love that you need to get through your day.



im so lucky to have him.


matty i <3 you, love! ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5995712/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5995712/ Thu, 21 Jul 2005 13:20:37 PDT


even from another country can love travel across an ocean.
i can be the happiest girl in the world, if i just remember how lucky i am.



i love everything about the summer.

dont you? ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5837842/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5837842/ Mon, 04 Jul 2005 12:39:23 PDT
he makes me smile

especially when we jump on the bed and go to the museum


love you<3

]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5630267/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5630267/ Sun, 12 Jun 2005 19:17:23 PDT
you should know who you are

my scientist.

thanks for everything ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5097889/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5097889/ Fri, 15 Apr 2005 18:26:42 PDT
there was no wind blowing.

nothing has changed.

except this time.

i was shot down for good.

no more will i ever have hope for the opposite sex.

there is no point.

or at least i see none. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5063003/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/5063003/ Mon, 11 Apr 2005 17:43:26 PDT
things have changed again.

for the better.
in time there will be more deviations and poetry to come.

things have changed again and with certain people may be picking up.. may not be...

do you think things will be better.

i hope so. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4911259/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4911259/ Fri, 25 Mar 2005 17:01:35 PST
I saw a lot of people I know, and they all saw me in the state I was in. But it didn’t matter because everyone has their days. Today was just mine. I saw people who I thought I would never see again, after last July, who would never show any signs of kindness to me again. I was proven half wrong, half right. Father Joe’s homily (I don’t know what you call it on Easter) but anyway, it was so moving when he listed all of the verbs that were used in the Gospel. Betrayed. Denied. Spat on. Laughed at. Crucified. It was so personal, I felt like my witness wasn’t and isn’t strong enough, and that I was one of the people who were making those actions towards God.

Its overwhelming the fact that no matter if I go to mass once a week.. or miss a few weeks, every time I go back, I’m completely overwhelmed by how much I feel the presence of God in my heart. I feel pure at heart and weak in spirit when I forget just how strong my faith needs to be.

But I am strong. And I will stay strong because I do have the help of God throughout everything in my life. I cannot do this without He who gives me strength, and believe me… His strength is there for us. For he will come again, on Sunday to renew us of our sins and let us be free to enter the kingdom of heaven.

I love you. Thank you for believing in me. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4826803/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4826803/ Wed, 16 Mar 2005 08:47:39 PST
i want to ditch the whole "last name family" and just run.. far far away..

but i warn ALL OF YOU.. my family is wierd.. but im not




ps.. im only kidding <3 ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4789902/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4789902/ Fri, 11 Mar 2005 22:09:15 PST
it started with me, amanda p and amanda v being picked out of everyone to go to audition at this plac for university for music, .. so we went to this place to do an audition, and amanda v went first, and her clarinet thing got fucked up bc her drummer was going WAY to fast so she lost, then amanda p went and hers didnt work bc her flute was "sharp" and it sounded bad, then i went and it was like amazing ( on my sax) , i did really well and the guy was like come with me, you get to go on.,,, so i went and he was tellling me how the university used to be SO big, but the tax cuts made the campus down to one biulding and he drew me a diagram on the chalk board about it, and iw as like woah! so then hes like u have to play for ppl at a show, so i go play for all these pepople and i do well and everything, and then were in a community centre annd thers all these ppl playing basketball and everything, and my shoes were untied, and no matter what i did, i coulnt tie them back up.. like.. it wAS not working, and then behind me i hear familiar voices of dom ralph and trevor beind me talking to dom mocking him about me, and then he was all ya man fuck i never liked vanessa she was just a waste of my time, shes younger, shes stupid, i hate her , i was just playing with her mind .. and all that derogitory sadness .. so i was trying to play basketball and i had to keep bending over to tie my shoe and everytime i did they were like stop following dom he doesnt like you, your in grade 10, and then all the things they were saying, and waht dom said were appearing on this music stand in front of me, and ( now im playing my sax again) every time id loook up to see the music, i would see everything dom said, and would hear it in my ears.. and i woke up...

i was so sad when i woke up and was almost crying. it was so real, and seemed so true, the second part i mean, i dunno.people might call me paranoid but there has to be a reason. and its eating me away inside that i cant figure out waht it is why theyre acting this way towards me, ESPECIALLY dom, bc we used to be so close, and when iw as telling jenn this this morning, iwas crying, but hiding it.. its like a slap in the face not knowing why hes acting this way. there was a time when we were so close, that without question he would wait for me after jazz to walk to my locker and to walk me to the library, and to share trust, be close, want more. and now. there is none. like it never happened. how can someone pretend like that, like it never happened, like they never felt anything for you. when you could feel it back when they looked into your eyes. how. tell me how?! humans have the ability to surprise you to no extent. i wish it didnt have to end like this. and its not. because as much as its KILLING me inside, i know i cant stop the emotions, and i cant stop my heart from feeling what it does for him. becuase i knew at one point he felt it back, and that in itslef is what is driving me. to want him, to want to know why, know the reasons, feel it again when we look in each others eyes. i remember this one time after jazz it was snowing and he had to go shovel the driveway, and i asked him if he wanted help and he said his brothers would make fun of him forever if he got a girl to help him shovel the snow, and he wanted me to just go and keep him company bc theyre was time, but again, he was worried waht his brothers would think. but at that point. when we were laughin, we were so close together, our eyes, the tension was so strong and it was going to take soemthing strong to rip it apart. the feeling between us at that exact time was unexplainable. ive never felt that way beofre in my life about a person. and thats why im moved so strongly by the fact that he is treating me this way. before the end i want to act. i need to act. for my own sanity. ]]> ~xasbars http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4606324/ http://xasbars.deviantart.com/journal/4606324/ Thu, 17 Feb 2005 12:15:37 PST
ive decided to give up on tha specail someone, becuase i used to think he was worth it, and guess it seems that hes not anymore... not worth the pain and confusion im suffering. meanwhile im only in grade 10 and dont deserve the good experiences in life becuase its not my decidion and its up to him to be blind to anything i do.. but thats fine.. bc its his loss.. i dunno what to tell him ot what else i could have done to change anything he thought of me, or of the situation..

i used to think that he was wrth my time but i guess things changed as they were destined to.. so i say go with it, as much as i still like him and still have feelings for him its going to take a lot for me to get over him...

at least this was my decision and he didnt kick me down and hurt me directly and break me when i was open and scared

im still scared but im strong and will get through it

as much as everything is rediculous.. when i get the chance, my music is coming along a lot better bc thers more emotion.. thats not to say im becoming emo or anythnig but my music is becoming stronger and more powerful, and well im taking more pictures and writing more.. so.. hopefully with the negativity of things, they will get even better.. i think thats the only postive thing coming out of the shit in my life

o well.. enough... im better than that.. and i will rise above ]]> ~xasbars