http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xcarpexdiemx&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xcarpexdiemx en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Sun, 20 Dec 2009 01:09:20 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/27630684/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/27630684/ Wed, 07 Oct 2009 10:28:44 PDT SEE WHAT YOU CAN SEE
SEE WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE.

WHAT CAN'T YOU SEE???????????????

peace.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/27427272/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/27427272/ Sat, 26 Sep 2009 11:24:40 PDT if you can't stand.. the way this place is
take..yourself.. to higher places!!!" - three days grace

fuckin deadly track man that lead singer is one sexxxxxy motha fucka.. dayyyum
anyways.. regardless that track is the shizat.

if you ain't heard it, which i find highly unlikely.. but just in case
check out..
break - three days grace

rockin shit.

anyways.. im bored on a saturday and don't know what the funk to do
so have decided to randomly ramble here bout damn near nothin for a while
fun fun.

pretty much i am gonna get bored of this faster than i got interested
so really nothin goin on to read ova here cept ....

check out break by three days grace!!!

peace!

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/24205838/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/24205838/ Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:05:33 PDT [link]

if ya get the chance..

fixin for a smackin thats for sure... can't wait til these boyz are back n at it.. its been a hell of a break...
i'm hopin they are goin to find their way back to saskatchewan yet again.. n its gettin to that point where i'm startin to crave it
weird how that shit works
need a good release like that i suppose
a quick venture into a fucked up reality
thats so fucked up that its almost perfect
and the further i look at it.. the further i get away
from that moment that i stepped so close
the more beautiful it all seems to be..
but yet by the time i have realized that this beauty has captivated
my very fuckin existence
im at the point where i'm already lost.. in a memory.
and i realize everytime that it is very true..
that eventually we all must come to face the truth..
that as fast as we saw the light...
and the moment we realized its beauty
that moment has already over for a lifetime
and time has already taken it to a new form
while life takes it to its next destination
as time takes it all further away

even the thought of it is beautiful..

yeh so a good godsmack concert is what i decided the fuckin cure for this shit is...
helllzzzzz yaaaa boyzzzz fuckin godsmack all the way (bitchez)
i am so fuckin intrigued to hear the next album
or see the next show!
mmhmmmmm

them and HELLYEAH! i wanna see them guys live as well
i have heard they put one mothafuckaaaa of a show
i bet!!!
shit man now i got me the urge to jam to some hellyeahhhhh

how bout...

[link]-Btj1D7lvk

now i know theres some people that are feeling me on that..

that'd be a rockin concert

anyways

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/23288326/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/23288326/ Thu, 19 Feb 2009 12:31:41 PST days gone fast and the nights not long
from comin
closer
hey you the antidote
i think i've been lookin
for you
the things you do
the sharp voice in the background
that wont step out to
introduce
the way it is
the way you like it
right from the beginning
feel it right now as we get it on
under the stars
you and me locked up in a desire
let the night last until its gone

get it right
right from me
let me put my hands in places
they don't wanna..
see?
i promised you
somethin crazy was about to happen
when u do those things you do

'n its goddamn
ova again!
same spinnin feelin got me tumblin to the ground
in a mess witchu
doin the same shit that you do

to me this way
look at me as i kiss you
look at me when i say
you got it babe
'n its for you
breakin up my fantasy

now i'm just waitin for you

to break thru

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/23279208/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/23279208/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:22:08 PST is a path for the intruder - the user
dressed in a velvet mask
naked with hands cloaked in black
rope connected to its black back- breaking
aching to the point of resignation
inferior betrays them
all of them
who intrude.
whats an intruder to then do?
read words that no one else can see
speak tongues for children watching thee
on the TV??
or the movie screen?
watch and learn but please don't scream
to loud
as you watch this all play out
in a torture
of grand proportions
in a force that
was built and delivered straight from the man himself
straight from the one in hell
to us all?

shit man if your anything like me
then it doesn't make sense at all
how just one man has got ya
all by the fuckin
Balls of fuckin flame
that might come shooting for your head
and the ones that wouldn't fight it
are left for fuckin dead
and the worms come crawling on you
oh my now wasn't that a sight
should never intrude on an intruder
who has no concept of wrong or right
right??

right.

and so we live a lie with concepts
i mean we also know
crazy makes us lazy but the faster
you can go
makes you technically
the slowest one of them all?
gotta love that fuckin crime on crime
to install that fear into us all

hey i love you intruder
don't die this way
not for me

save us from the darkness one man gave
set your fuckin country free

...phoenix...

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/21093502/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/21093502/ Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:20:32 PDT drain me from my lips and my fingertips
lay me down as we finally become one
in a room made of love, on a bed covered in blood

you've given a new life to the woman inside of me
awake from her nightmare no more will she sleep
with her eyes closed ...under this blindfold
you given her something she will never let go...

our§in

take more of me in - now that i'm awake
take as much as you can eat, as much as you can drink
feast off the meat that is only fit for a beast
take as much as you want of me

because i want you as deep as I can feel you inside
i want your flesh and your faith - i want your life
you've woken a woman - who's a scavenger
huntress of blood she's found her

§in

in you.

so take me
since you saved me
and place me
on the floor
drown me
by surrounding me
i am your huntress whore

i want you forever
and forever after that
take me far away my demon
then lets never come back....

lets just leave them all behind,... besides
none of them even care if we die or survive
they left us here, they left us behind
with silver bullets in our chests and stakes in our sides

left us mutating in the darkness
torn apart almost heartless
but it's too bad for them this time
its our turn to leave them behind

and unite in our§in
creatures of the night

take me in

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/21059071/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/21059071/ Sun, 19 Oct 2008 07:48:39 PDT i left you or you left me
not to sure either way.....

not that much left to say

its just

another idea that went wrong
another mistake turned into a song
another escape to somewhere better
its right where you left it

as long as you remember

that must be the ultimate theme
nothing can be where you want it to be
not to sure either way....

not sure it matters anyway

its just

another memory that won't go away
another fear attaching to shame
another escape to somewhere better
it's right where you left it

as long as you remember

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/20127309/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/20127309/ Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:31:17 PDT shit man its like a breath of fresh fuckin air
yo music GODS u rule
thnx fer that shit right thereeeeeeeeeeeeeee
FUCK.

if u ain't heard it yet it's called

The day that never comes

u can check it quick -

here

[link]

so fuckin captivating
i've listened to it ova and ova now
and i can pretty much say i stil got bout
32098740937480948 times to gooooooooooooo

fuck man... like literally man i'm pumped like i don't think anyone in the world could know that i'm completely PUMPED like i really am right this very fuckin second...

shit dude...

what an intense moment!!! what an intense fuckin life since i heard this fuckin song!!!!

how does that shit work i don't fuckin know but i will totally just accept it and yeh

i fuckin can't wait to see these boyz live again
like

puhleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!


goddamn!

yeh ok so i'm a loser but i don't give a fuck dudes

u ain't heard it too bad u don't like it
WHATEVA

dudez these boyz are amazing

thanks metallica YET AGAIN for makin life FEEL something! FEELS AWESOME CANT WAIT TO SEE THAT SHIT LIVE MAN

AMEN FOR YOU

++phoenix++

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/20110053/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/20110053/ Sat, 23 Aug 2008 09:06:10 PDT frown - don't laugh - happiness is fake
walk - dressed up - scarred inside
run - ripped up - you never tried

you never tried ++ so don't disagree
that you took the last ++ so secretly
crawl- sink through - to the flame
you never tried ++ now you die that way

rope ++ like a noose ++ strangles and chokes
hope ++ you couldn't climb ++ so you hang all alone
time ++ as you know ++ again takes its toll
you never tried ++ so blame yourself before you hit the floor

hit the floor ++ see yourself ++
wearing a mask ++ like the rest of the dead
no ++ don't laugh ++ happiness is fake
you never tried

so you died that way.

++phoenix++

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/19054127/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/19054127/ Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:40:55 PDT lights go down and they call this romantic
sweat dripping, tongue twisting
poetic side of things..

who'd of thought to ask out loud
when they can keep it to themself
who'd of fallen when they could stand
or ever want to take a hand

in a pulse of fury
in a window tinted grey
run as fast as you can right now
and you might catch yourself someday

in a poetic sort of way?
in a romantic furious escape
you're off again to yet another place
you might stop yourself someday

when you can't get away
..from the poetic side of things

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/18816851/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/18816851/ Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:55:58 PDT
been a while since i rambled my random thoughts here, soooooooooo today is that day! Great day fer rambling bout a buncha bullshit goin on.
so its payday today
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
even tho that shit don't last the fuggin night man, still provides like one cool hr before u give it all away.....

but that shizat will change u know eventually i will get to keep some of my money instead of giving it away

one fine day! then i can get a stupid drum kit again, man i miss my kit like CRAZY. but in kingston here, fuck good luck ever getting the chance to play a stage kit in ur fuggin place..

so i gotta do the electronic shizat, that's cool, i'm cool wit that.. and at least i got my guitar and all that but those drums i tellz yaaaaaaaa i can feel them beating in my heart to my hands to my feet

yet no kit...

what a buncha crap! i was thinkin of goin to niagra falls for my vacation in july, i am almost starting to think just investing in a drum kit is the way to do this crap.. i will hitchike to niagra!! there we go! then sleep in some scummy hotel whateva walk round hang out near tha falls and hike home to a kit...

fuckin beautiful shit that would be

man basically i need a studio in general. got this 3 bedroom place, kid is gone fer tha summer, man, all this space to fuck around
time to get shit goin again.. it's been the shittiest yr man..

moving half way cross canada and shit man, totally screwed my shit over, bills moving fees furniture this and the next shit.. took a whole fuggin YEAR to get caught back up
u know some 10,000$ later ++
GOD!

and i don't do credit and all this so straight up cash man.. what a bitter pill, lol

anyways, that shit is almost over

thank the fuckin universe

NOW IF I COULD PLEASE HAVE MONEY FOR STUFF AGAIN THAT WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED AS I NEED TO START GETTING MY LIFE BACK BEFORE I KILL.

the end.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/18194081/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/18194081/ Tue, 06 May 2008 10:02:13 PDT
[link]

Treat yourself the way you 'SHOULD' be treated.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/17702053/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/17702053/ Sat, 05 Apr 2008 16:15:29 PDT [link]

As you all know by now, I'm an independent musician strugglin to make it out there~
The link above will direct you to my latest finding..
It's all about... Phoenix Christ...

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/15492000/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/15492000/ Tue, 13 Nov 2007 11:19:34 PST how do you disappear
where do you go to get away
when you're being followed into your fear

please don't ask me questions
that i don't have the answer for
please don't assume you understand
when you don't even care anymore.

you are somewhere far away
now guess what? so am I
and i am never coming back
i won't turn back this time.

how do you hide when you are trapped
between a rock and dynamite
how do you stay hidden away
yet stay soothed by the light?

please don't take my hand again
they are too cold too feel
I am doomed, lost in time
and i will never heal.

you are somewhere far away
now guess what? so am I
and i am never coming back
i won't give in this time.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/15475900/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/15475900/ Mon, 12 Nov 2007 08:54:20 PST shivering in the cold
who is the keeper
who holds key to my soul
torn between deciet
thrown into a dragons curse
my instinct says run
but i want to hold you first
torn between lies
masks of hypnotics
love is an illusion
to keep peace in the chaos
i'm torn in my directions
in my decisions and thoughts
i take two steps towards you
then i have to stop
two step backwards
now here I am
torn in the middle
all over again
black and white
day and night
dragon curse
ultimate fight
maiden virgin
torn between
a handsome demon
and angelic scream
i am torn inside of myself
can't believe in anyone else
there's no choice
i must not choose
either way
someone will lose
to my lips
i place a flame
i see it deeply
to feel it's pain
to scar my lips
so i cannot taste

i am torn


~~phoenix

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14961639/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14961639/ Sun, 07 Oct 2007 19:54:44 PDT and i'll see you.. i'll see you on the other side..."
``Ozzy``

This isn't over yet.

This is just the beginning!

[link]

Check it out.

As usual I say...
Rock on!

~Phoenix~
'07

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14810371/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14810371/ Thu, 27 Sep 2007 07:45:50 PDT
surreal voices, surreal place
calming breeze across my face
support all around
people lending out hands
~all there for me to grab~

been so many places before
seen so many things
this is the greatest it's ever been
this is better than anything
~that i have ever touched~

on my lap the peices fall
they are there
the first time this has ever happened
out of all the times i can remember
~Now what should I do?~

surreal images, surreal chances
my non trusting soul takes second glances
if it's too good to be true
than it probably is
~what should i make of all of this~

I'll just do what I aways do
push it all away, too hard too soon
instead of embracing this kind of luck
instead of realizing this is my chance


Once Again I Self Destruct~

Now the land I saw that was calm
has changed drastically, feels like war
empty homes and houses dwell
mothers cry all to themselves
their babies died in the exposion
their husbands are gone until the war is over
the trees of green
now stand there dead
this perfect place
had life now it's lifeless

through all this i do survive
same way i do in every time
to try once again
they send me back
knowing fully well
i've had chances
chances that I destroyed
chances I pushed because of the noise
the noise of bombs
and world war three
the noise of pullotion
is destiny

To Survive.. I self Destruct.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14598765/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14598765/ Wed, 12 Sep 2007 04:54:35 PDT I'm gripping at the ground I stand upon.
I'm searching for fragile bones.
(Evolution)

I'm never gonna be refined;
keep trying but I won't assimilate.
Sure, we have come far in time...
(Watch the bough break)

And I'm sorry I don't believe,
by the evidence that I see,
that there's any hope left for me...
It's evolution!
Just evolution!

And I, I do not dare deny
the basic beast inside;
it's right here,
it's controlling my mind!
And why do I deserve to die?
I'm dominated by
this animal that's locked up inside!

Close up to get a real good view,
I'm betting that the species will survive.
Hold tight, I'm getting inside you...
(Evolution)

And when we're gonna find these bones,
they're gonna want to keep them in a jar.
The number one virus,
caused by procreation.

And the planet may go astray;
in a million years they'll say:
"Those mother fuckers were all deranged!"
It's evolution!
Just evolution!

And I, I do not dare deny
the basic beast inside;
it's right here,
it's controlling my mind!
And why do I deserve to die?
I'm dominated by
this animal that's locked up inside!

Take a look around... (take a look around...)
Nothing much has changed!
Take a look around... (take a look around...)
Nothing much has changed!
Take a look around!
Take a look around!
Take a look around!
Nothing much has changed!
Take a look around!
Take a look around!
Nothing much has changed!
Take a look around!
Take a look around!
Nothing much has changed!
Take a look around!

I, I do not dare deny
the basic beast inside;
it's right here,
it's controlling my mind!
And why do I deserve to die?
I'm dominated by
this animal that's locked up inside

Why? (why.) (why) (why)
Why do I deserve to die? (do i deserve to die)
(Why? Why? Why?)

Evolution -KoRn

FOR THOSE THAT HAVE NOT HEARD THIS YET
THIS IS THE BEST DAMN KORN SONG THAT HAS CAME OUT FOR A FEW YEARS NOW
ITS WILD!!!!!

CHEERS!
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14526738/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14526738/ Fri, 07 Sep 2007 06:34:13 PDT i am confident in my ways that makes me arrogant and vain
oooooooooooooooooooooooooh
today i am gonna whine and bitch whine and bitch
today i am gonna whine and bitch cuz i am totally SCREWED
someone will always see something
aside from what i thought they'd see
someone will always destroy me
pick apart me
and release
everything they think they see
and this is all my fault
all my fault cuz i am vain and arrogant
not confident or safe
i must stay to live in shame
or i will be torn APART

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo
today i am gonna whine and bitch
i don't care
what you think of this
today i am gonna whine and bitch
cuz i am fucked EITHER WAY.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14484678/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14484678/ Tue, 04 Sep 2007 09:29:21 PDT ....
well speaking of teachers.. my little one went back to school today... Grade 3 already!!! Jesus where has the time gone so soon.... I remember cradling her in my damn arms.. her just looking up at me and I remember wondering what it would be like as she grew up and started going to school... or what it would be like when she could even talk... so many things.. and now all of this has went by so quickly.. and she just grows more and more and learns so much more.. .man.. i always get like this first day of school....
especially after all the things this kid has gone through... today was the hardest first day of all of them for me.. I don't know if it was the reality check that I have moved this kid now from so many different schools now to YET ANOTHER new school .. but this time in a whole new province...
oooy..... pullin at the heart strings today i tellz ya... makes me miss home..miss saskatchewan even tho in all reality i couldn't wait to get out of there...
i don't know i'm all emotional today for some reason like not boohooo cryin er nothing just over thinking maybe .. i don't know...
i'm partially worried that i made a wrong move ... like there is no proof that I did, and things are going fine out here.. but damn.. i realized today like i have no help out here at all, no babysitter, no friends, no back up.. you know in saskatoon if someone was fuckin with my shit i had people on my side...
i don't know who to trust here.. or wtf...
meh...
i was fine until i saw acacia's little face tear up a bit..
she was so nervous this morning...
that just put me on a total emotional rollercoaster for the day of thoughts and feelings and .. what ifs

anyways.. back to work monday..
good way to take my mind off shit... i think that's what I like most about work is it gives me somewhere to go and get away....
somewhere i can just focus on myself, without having to be a mom, or a g.f or whatever...
gives me time to me and gives me time to get my thoughts straight...
pretty nice.

anyways, i have a meeting in like 10 minutes and i need a smoke before it
til next chapter
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14411711/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14411711/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:27:49 PDT yeh that's right! go godsmack once again...
I so need to download that song once i get home..
had the damn cd but all my cds in my journeys have gotten scratched to shizat.. or lost or stolen or they just randomly disappear and u know i don't really know where they go
and unfortunately i am a broke ass motha who has quite little to nothing for money cuz all the money that i get goes to food and rent and bills and my kid and yeh...
so goes life i guess....
leaving me trapped in my house day in and day out.. and i think that all this sitting in 4 walls is starting to like kick me into rabies mode.. i'm finding myself getting angry out of nowhere, foaming at the mouth growling at strangers as well as people i once loved..
yup... that's rabid ol me
and if i don't get outta my goddamn house soon and do something exciting i think the old me will just disappear leaving this roaring drooling pile of rage and i will lose all my family and friends cuz instead of loving them i will try to eat them and they won't wanna be food so they will run fer their lives and that'll be that.
yeh.. i need to find a life.
i don't even care what i do i just need to do something.. like i don't know how anyone can just sit in their house and watch tv for hours everyday and not care what is going on outside of those four walls.. YIKES.. like i am not doggin this.. its just not for me...
yeh...
i wanna go jam.. randomly that could start.. like jammin in my house is all fine n shit but if i could please get out of my house and jam... that would be GREAT.
i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored...
thus far leaving the only place to escape into is my mind
and its ... interesting in there...
and then i spend so long in my mind cuz i got nowhere else to go that i get lost in there and all of a sudden what is going on in my imagination and random thoughts i start thinkin is the real deal.. and then there we go all over again...
"tripping into a world, that never seems to far away...
too much time..
too many wasted days...just another vision"
damn yeh i need that song.
that's the song of the day.

Trippin - Godsmack...

and once again out of the thousand of times i have said this shit i say it again...thank god or goddess or the spirits or the lack of spirits or the demons or the angels or the heavens or hell or the sun or the moon or WHATEVER
for godsmack.

peace.
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14252216/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14252216/ Mon, 20 Aug 2007 08:01:52 PDT than i would have to find things to keep me entertained during the day such as throw rocks at geese and other random birds, out of my bitterness for the world i would prolly throw rocks at old people and kids as well....
then proceed to go back to the public washroom and leave a crunch in the stall, not flush..
with no brush to brush my hair or shower to get clean in, i'd prolly resemble some sort of madwoman, einstein wanna be just not that damn smart...
and people would run from me.. and no one would feel sorry for me cuz they would be scared of me and truly just think i was some cracked out chick..
thus far making me angrier and more depressed .. too depressed at this point to ever consider finding a damn job..
too dirty to ever get in the door...
and life would just continue to spiral....

....glad its monday!
glad to be here!

rock on all~
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14179459/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14179459/ Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:52:05 PDT TURN OFF YOUR GODDAMN GAME
SHUT OFF YOUR GODDAMN SOUND
OPEN YOUR MIND FOR A SECOND HERE...

NEW ROCK BAND - SIXTEAN - IS COMMIN ATCHA
to hear a couple tracks..

[link]

check out that link!

IF THAT CATCHES UR EAR.. WELL.. THERE IS LOTS MORE TO COME.

You can also find the band on Garageband.com - lurkin.. No mans land already won an award for track of the day...

SHITS HAPPENIN.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14000766/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/14000766/ Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:50:15 PDT would be cool if some of you were to stop by...

[link]

thats my personal myspace

[link]

that's the band myspace...
as of now we don't have any tunes up there as of now, that should be done by the end of this week or early next week...
our friggin internet at home is being retarded and the dude was supposed to show up like days ago.. but he hasn't yet...

and once again the main band site is being built at

[link]

So y'all.. come check it out...
hit me up anytime!!

~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13944359/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13944359/ Mon, 30 Jul 2007 16:31:45 PDT our band..

SIXTEEN

is finally alive!

This is a project I started a few years back.. I have had several different band names, sites, recordings at this point.. but in the back of my mind i always knew the name should be

SIXTEEN

and now it is.

We have our site slowly being built.. There will be tracks to download and merchandise soon as well as photos.

But this is a great start.


Tomorrow I will be adding in atleast one track. So feel free to check that out at that time...

Our latest single, "Remember Me" Will also be added no later than Friday.

This is probably my favorite song so far.

I can't wait for you guys to share this experience with us.

To check out our site, please visit the following URL:

[link]

Keep Rockin
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13940557/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13940557/ Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:36:20 PDT To play the evil tarot cards
To find out what our fate will bring us
Before the war

Approaching now the hour of tiamat
Evil feelings in the air
The chosen wait impatiently
To find the rituals of power
Come out of the fire
Making the legacy known
Takes its toll at last
Now knowing when it strikes

The endless feuding shows its fate
The people are all shocked with fright
They know the end is coming near
It's time to fight
The revolution holds on strong
The armies have all met their match
Entire world up in arms
Destruction sees the spirits of anger
Come up from the gallows
Conjured my demons appear
Summoned to my cast, prey this deadly mass
Takin by the fire you fail

The world became a vast wasteland
Survivors turn to cannibals
Killing everything in sight
Warfare tonight
The armies are all closing in
The populations getting small
Feelings are as cold as ice
Survival names it's price
Starting to burn
The rape and violence grows high
A kingdom will rise
To rule with contempt
They will surprise
Kill and repent
The weakness in armies
"Won't die"

Leaving now the house of seance
Speculating destiny
Wonder if the cards were true
Will wait to find out and will wait to see

-
-TESTAMENT

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13871868/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13871868/ Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:40:20 PDT
so back to the grind.. i never ever write blogs unless i am at work you know that? its the only place that creates this much boredom... otherwise i really don't find a point. Hence the reason there is really no true point ever to my blogs... just gives me something to do for the time being.. so yeh.
-
so what to say about today.. it's not cloudy dreary or rainy out there anymore, the sun is shining.. that's a nice change.. for the last couple weeks in kingston here it's been a bit bland.. i don't know what it is about the weather, but i truly believe it can effect a persons mood.. like big time. Especially the rain. Does it ever feel like it rains on the perfect day? I know for me, i have shed many tears.. in the rain. For some reason that paticular day it would be pouring rain, and it would be perfect.. no one could see the tears. Gay? I don't know.. but it does stand true in my world..so whatever i guess. If only there was weather for anger... hmmm.. though i suppose that could be classified as a violent ass lightning storm, right?..... yeh...
-
Imagine what it would be like if there was someone in each area that had control of the weather? That would probably be frightning... what would people do if they had that kind of power? Would we seek revenge? Destroy? Or try and bring growth of life and happiness? Hard to know. I can honestly say if I had that sort of power, i bet you by now i would have done something i should have done... atleast once... yeh.. can't say i would be all loving and shit.. i probably would have created atleast one intense storm.. not something to kill or hurt.. just maybe.. shock.. someone. Is that terrible or what?! Interesting concept anyways.
--
-
Hmmm, what else.. oh so the harry potter series is over.. that is another interesting concept... i think the cool thing about those movies is how it really triggers the imagination. Even I would love to believe a place like hogwarts exists!!! How cool would that be! -

Well that is the end of my rambling today.-
Til tomorrow
-
-Blessed Be.
-
-~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13858428/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13858428/ Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:41:07 PDT -Whitestripes
--

I'm sorry to say it but that is one of the only whitestripe songs i like.. but hey.. to each their own.-

-So another day at work. But hey work=cash and cash=stuff.. stuff usually = bills.. but hey.. it's fun to pretend. I don't even know what I would do if I have a bunch of money anyways.. stick it in a bank and not let anyone know i have it cuz then i would have a bunch of fake friends that wanted some money and stuff.. i dunno i would do random things i think.. like buy my grandparents a beautiful place they could retire forever.. i would help random people i saw.. who didn't know me from a whole in the ground.. i dunno that kind of stuff.. donate to children or something i don't know.. hopefully if i ever had money i wouldn't be greedy and friggin snobby.. that's all i know.-

-but what are the chances i'll ever be in that position anyways!!
-
-Hmmm so what else, that's about it.. nothing really new or fascinating today to ramble endlessly about today - i think we are going to have internet, sattelite and phone at home soon.. yaaaay.. that plus our little jam studio set up will give us lots to do to keep everyone occupied - so yeh
-thats pretty much useless info but whatever
-i'm out for the day
-
-peace!

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13846313/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13846313/ Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:33:14 PDT -*quick note. This song is the fuckin shit.
-
-so the long ass break of no jamming is finally coming to the end! SWEET!!! Basically we haven't jammed since early April- and it is now the middle of July.. so that is a couple of months. And even in April - we were really slacking.. basically i was starting to give up all sort of hope that I had.. I mean its not all about becoming this big rock star chick.. I do enjoy just fuckin gettin to jam.. but not even that was happening. And there was so many things that were out of wack.. example, my Sammick was a pile of crap, and I needed to invest a bunch of money into it to get it working properly, the amp i had was beginning to crap out.. so i got rid of it.. the sound i was projecting was not the sound i wanted at all.. which meant i needed a petal.. i had no mic to practice my vocals... nothing. my b.f/bass player pawned his damn rig, so he had no rig... cept he managed to get the head out.. and that's all we had..
-so we had
-my crapped out guitar, his bass and his swr head.
-oh and my drum kit.
-
-That's it.
-Basically we needed some of everything. So i pretty much figured it was going to take us months to even get back to the beginning we had started...
-
-I was wrong.
-
-Jasen traded his head in, and got us a portable P.A system.
-Traded his peavey bass and got us a Zoom petal*this way we have beats until we find the perfect drummer so we can practice.
-I traded in my drum kit and got a brand new BC RICH VIRGIN ONYX guitar *And may I just say that this is the coolest goddamn guitar i have ever played.. I've tried many out.. and this by far.. is the best.. it's like the damn thing plays itself...just amazing. I hope to write shit loads of great songs on it.
-We got ourself a microphone to run through the P.A
-With the P.A we also picked up a new distortion petal.. not gonna get into what kind.. BUT it's the exact sound i've been needing.-
-
So basically we are back up and running- better than ever.-
And we did all of this without spending a dime.
Thank god for Jasen, I don't think I could have came up with all of this on my own.
-
-We didn't end up getting into a house here in Kingston, so that was the next concern. We have a 3 bedroom duplex... I thought we'd never get to jam.. turns out the lady downstairs is deaf, and the system we have is just perfect enough that we can have jams, as long as the bass end is turned down.. it's fuckin perfect.
-
-So we got back at it this weekend. Wow, did it feel good. I was sweatin up a storm by the end of yesterdays jam.. just the release felt amazing. Just to be playing again.. singing again, letting it all out. Yeh, it was awesome. And you know the most surprising thing of all was that you would expect because of all the down time we would suck pretty bad and it would take a while to get back into it.. nope. We have grown intensly. Everything sounded better. Frickin weird, but awesome. On our journey here some new songs were written as well.. so we're back practicing and getting those creative wheels going again.
-
-YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! So yeh. i don't know where it is going. I am hoping to get a few shows lined up here in Kingston. We have already talked to a producer here, that will cheaply record us a demo.. so I think we'll be in the studio by september.. I think we'll just use the summer to practice and get even tighter with eachother. I think we might just hire a drummer to record our demo with us, and hopefully if he digs it he'll join the band or something..
-
-Then again, you never know what could happen. I'll keep updated.-

-For those that read this, don't know who does, but hey, keep your ear out for SIXTEEN. We're going to have a website up in the next few months and tracks on myspace.
-
-Look forward to hearing feedback when this happens.
-
-ROCK AND ROLL!
-~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13792864/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/13792864/ Thu, 19 Jul 2007 09:16:28 PDT but.. who knows.
all i can do is try and make it work.. though it's really not that bad..
so then comes the band shit - -
in saskatoon we had a band thing going on, Phoenix Christ.. it was just something cool to do basically but wasn't really going anywhere, members were too wrapped up in their personal lives and shit to really put the practice in.. so now jasen and i are trying to put something a bit more serious together - we are in the hunt for a drummer though - i dunno man
some days this music thing is just so goddamn frustrating... i think the creative road is the hardest goddamn road to be on.. it's not so typical and follow the rules like..
that's the easy way right? you follow the rules and you're fine right? stay in school, go to university, get a real job, get a car have a family blah blah - the rules right? the set fuckin guidelines to make shit simple...
right
then there is the dreamers.. the ones who want to not even break the rules but just somewhat adjust them - good fuckin luck.
music is a language we all know, we listen to it, we relate our lives to it, our memories..
but to speak it? what does it mean? and what is the goddamn reason one is able to speak it but not spread the word
and what is the reason for even wanting to spread the word?!
oy.
i try and give up this crazy dream so much
and you know what
it never happens
this shit lies in my soul
and it's frustrating but a gift
its finding a balance
difficult damn balance though...

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/12790128/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/12790128/ Mon, 30 Apr 2007 12:35:51 PDT
Buried way beneath the sheets I think she’s having a meltdown
Finding it hard to fall asleep she won’t let anyone help her
The look on her face a waste of time she won’t let go gonna roll the dice
Loosing her grace starts to cry I feel her pain when I look in her eyes
I want ta be I want everything, I want everything
Somewhere she is on the streets trying to make things better
Praying to God and breathing deep gotta break this long obsession

(Chorus)
If I had everything would I still want to be alive or want to be high (2x’s)
Now and then she talks to me and sometimes writes me letters

Your eyes, never close your eyes open up your mind and you can have everything

***DO I EVER LOVE THIS FRICKIN SONG
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HEARD IT - CHECK THIS SHIZAT OUT!!

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11658942/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11658942/ Fri, 02 Feb 2007 12:09:43 PST another run-a-way
circle of another world - nothing has a taste
blood-easily produced
easily forgot
hope for better than before
out there
there must
be something more
another run-a-way- -
how do you do this
how the hell do i do that?
why am i the something that u want to attack
to spring - like poison
i've poisened myself
a tide
comes in
so unexpected
influencing change
pushing a new direction
another run-a-way!
Behind the different angle
blood remains the same
so what actually changed?
the height of the tide or the
sound of it's crash?
the sting to the face
as it starts falling down...
until there's just poison
to the blood and the eyes-
out of sorts
out of focus

just leave me behind
when you rise
i don't wanna ride it
just let me crash
with the waves
that stay now so quiet

just let me lay out of focus
let me stare at the blood
that circulates now

out of focus

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11543297/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11543297/ Tue, 23 Jan 2007 15:37:16 PST and ache
there's no hope left to hold on the outside
once it fades

this remorse is the worst pill to take

a feather in the wind of denial
just floats
aimlessly and endlessly following
it's force

as it's held by the hands of remorse

Don't let it get the best of you.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11407411/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11407411/ Fri, 12 Jan 2007 08:12:20 PST Our band just got some tunes on myspace -
in the process of gettin these recorded a bit better but still they are there and they are pretty damn kickinass!

[link]

Rock on
~Phoenix~

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11361472/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/11361472/ Mon, 08 Jan 2007 11:39:31 PST
Location - Roxy on Broadway, Saskatoon Sk.
Time - starting end of january

*Come check it out if ur in the area.

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/10591091/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/10591091/ Thu, 02 Nov 2006 08:41:59 PST When it beats its like a landslide
And the word on the street from the man
It brings you down
Can you still find the time and the signs
To look around

You tell me love
Tell me where the stars sleep
Tell me why your eyes weep
I really want to know
And show me love
Take me to the place where
Everything would change there
And we'd all be free

And you place your faith in a mountain
But what you don't understand
Is that the man is
The same old rock
Can you still find the time and the signs
To look around

And tell me love
Tell me where the stars sleep
Tell me why your eyes weep
I really want to know
And show me love
Take me to the place where
Everything would change there
And we'd all be free

These are the times
When we live inside our minds
With our hands in the air
There's voices everywhere
In the slipstream
It's like a daydream
These are the days
When we're dancing through the haze
With our ears to the ground
We're searching for the sound
Of a dove's cry, but it won't be over until

You tell me love
Tell me where the stars sleep
Tell me why your eyes weep
I really want to know
And show me love
Take me to the place where
Everything would change there
And we'd all be free

I really want to know

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/10506114/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/10506114/ Wed, 25 Oct 2006 11:54:23 PDT

By George Darley


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
O Blest unfabled Incense Tree,
That burns in glorious Araby,
With red scent chalicing the air,
Till earth-life grow Elysian there!

Half buried to her flaming breast
In this bright tree, she makes her nest,
Hundred sunn'd Phoenix! When she must
Crumble at length to hoary dust!

Her gorgous death-bed! Her rich pyre
Burnt up with aromatic fire!
Her urn, sight high from spoiler men!
Her birthplace when self-born again!

The mountainless green wilds among,
Here ends she her unechoing song!
With amber tears and oderous sighs
Mourn'd by the desert where she dies!

Laid like the young fawn mossily
In sun-green vales of Araby,
I woke hard by the Phoenix tree
That with shadeless boughs flamed over me,


And upward call'd for a dumb cry
With moonbread orbs of wonder I
Beheld the immortal Bird on high
Glassing the great Sun in her eye.

Stedfast she gazed upon his fire,
Still her destroyer and her sire!
As if to his her soul of flame
Had flown already whence it came;

Like those that sit and glare so still,
Intense with their death struggle, till
We touch, and curdle at their chill!
But breathing yet while she doth burn
The deathless Daughter of the Sun!

Slowly to crimson embers turn
The beauties of the brightsome one.
O'er the broad nest her silver wings
Shook down their wasteful glitterings;

Her brinded neck high arch'd in air
Like a small rainbow faded there;
But brighter glow'd her plumy crown
Mouldering to golden ashes down;

With fume of sweet woods, to the skies,
Pure asa Saint's adoring sighs,
Warm as a prayer in Paradise,
Her life-breath rose in sacrifice!

The while with shrill triumphant tone
Sounding aloud, aloft, alone,
Ceaseless her joyful deathwail she
Sang to departing Araby!

]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9902608/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9902608/ Wed, 30 Aug 2006 00:09:50 PDT Cant tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me

Now that the war is through with me
Im waking up I can not see
That there is not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me

Back in the womb its much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But cant look forward to reveal
Look to the time when Ill live

Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me

Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me
Now the world is gone Im just one
Oh god,help me hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me

Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell

Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell



one - metallica ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9811057/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9811057/ Tue, 22 Aug 2006 01:09:16 PDT i wanna always feel like part of this was mine..
i wanna fall in love tonight....
crimson and clover..
over and over..."
Crimson and Clover - Jimmy Eat World

love that tune.
frick man i haven't came and rambled here for awhile
it's not that i haven't blabbed away somewhere, i just wrote like 4 pages tonight in my journal.. but man so much is goin on and i am not able to sleep properly er nothin.. all these thoughts just race through like..
wow.. so much has changed over the past few months
so so so so much.. and the thing that gets me the most is the way it has happened.. so slightly. All these little things.. now the picture has changed completely.. and it's almost as nothing as it was
or nothing then was even real
if that makes any sense to anyone, i dunno.
got a big gig comin up here.. i mean no, it's not like opening fer metallica or godsmack, which is a dream i will spend my life dreaming..
but its such a step from where i have been.. such a huge step.
all the doubts and fears, man, have led me to this.. and i really don't think i will ever understand any of this.. ever.. how could i? and u know, i don't want to understand anything anymore, i really quit. I hate to sound hostile and bitter about this, i am not either of those, i am actually quite grateful to be here, this is something i have been working my ass off for so long.. but man... i feel exhausted all at the same time.
it's this feeling of.. i have nothing left to give after this.
i have bled it all out.. i have shared the deepest darkest everythings..
i have cried the tears, smiled the smiles.. and it's almost like.. for what? For whom? What is the purpose? Yah, go me trying to quit understand.. not getting far on all of that.
How can i be at such a peak in my world yet feel so completely exhausted? I do not know. I don't understand how the days can go from so lonely and hopeless, to this.. to now.
I am frightened in a way.. actually, in reality, many ways.
Frightened of the future that i cannot see infront of me
frightened of the past that has led me here
I am not giving up, i am not surrendering anything, but...
i am just alittle unsure.
Is it determination? I don't know. Is it this thing i have created in my head out of desperation that there is more to this life than wanting it to just be over? Wanting to find that door that i can walk through that will take me right out of the picture...
i am not sure.
But... 3 sleeps
or 3 lack there of sleeps
3 more nights to go man.. and i can't believe it
i can't believe this is happening to me.. it's so surreal yet it is a reality..
the most twisted reality man.. so twisted.
And in 3 days i know there will be answers.. i know it.. something will make sense.. whether it's a harsh reality check.. one in which i am prepared to face
or whether it's a whole new perspective on this place
i don't know.
Oy... i apologize to those who may have taken the time to read this entry, i know by now you are truly wondering what i am talking about.. i understand
buuuuuut.. i also apologize for this entry is not for you.. it has nothing to do with you.. it is just something i needed to get out
and if none of it makes any sense to me, you can guarantee it would make no sense to any of you.
God..
i need some damn sleep
got rehersal tomorrow.. like um in some few hours, not many gotta be there bout 8 in the morning for a full day rehersal
that means i need to be up in 4 hours
uh huh.. i swear i am getting there.. ugh!!
tryin to get there anyways.
thing is i lie down and all that happens is these thoughts .. all these random thoughts just keep running through my mind
all these what ifs, what if not, maybe so's... followed by a feeling in my stomach that i have absolutely no control of..
for the past 2 weeks i have not been able to rid myself of it. It just lingers there.. i wake with it, i sleep with it
this feeling.. i dunno what it means
i don't know if i want it to go away or stay forever at this point either
..
and oh my god
there is this man
i gotta get this out as well
there is this beautiful amazing fuckin man
and goddamn.. just goddamn
ugh!
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9300358/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9300358/ Fri, 07 Jul 2006 09:56:24 PDT




By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule-
From a wild clime that lieth, sublime,
Out of SPACE- out of TIME.

Bottomless vales and boundless floods,
And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods,
With forms that no man can discover
For the tears that drip all over;
Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire;
Lakes that endlessly outspread
Their lone waters- lone and dead,-
Their still waters- still and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily.

By the lakes that thus outspread
Their lone waters, lone and dead,-
Their sad waters, sad and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily,-
By the mountains- near the river
Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever,-
By the grey woods,- by the swamp
Where the toad and the newt encamp-
By the dismal tarns and pools
Where dwell the Ghouls,-
By each spot the most unholy-
In each nook most melancholy-
There the traveller meets aghast
Sheeted Memories of the Past-
Shrouded forms that start and sigh
As they pass the wanderer by-
White-robed forms of friends long given,
In agony, to the Earth- and Heaven.

For the heart whose woes are legion
'Tis a peaceful, soothing region-
For the spirit that walks in shadow
'Tis- oh, 'tis an Eldorado!
But the traveller, travelling through it,
May not- dare not openly view it!
Never its mysteries are exposed
To the weak human eye unclosed;
So wills its King, who hath forbid
The uplifting of the fringed lid;
And thus the sad Soul that here passes
Beholds it but through darkened glasses.

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have wandered home but newly
From this ultimate dim Thule. ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9293469/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/9293469/ Thu, 06 Jul 2006 14:58:37 PDT "Before I hung up the phone all I could hear
Was the dial tone ring in my ear
If I could go back in time
I'd say those three words
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
And this can't be saved if you can't be found
You hung up and left me for dead on the ground
You didn't even say goodbye
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you

Now that you're gone I'm wasting away
The life has been siphoned right out of my veins
If I could go back in time
I'd say those three words
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
And this can't be saved if you can't be found
You hung up and left me for dead on the ground
You didn't even say goodbye
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you

When you said those three words
I kinda freaked out
When you said them first my jaw hit the ground
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
And this can't be saved if you can't be found
You hung up and left me for dead on the ground
You didn't even say goodbye
And this can't be saved
And this can't be saved
If you can't be found
If you can't be found
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you
I shoulda woulda coulda said it back to you" ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8900990/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8900990/ Tue, 30 May 2006 09:33:18 PDT
[link]
just a start of something, i don't really know what i'm thinkin at this point
but just going with it.
got a music sample on there
with more to come en shit
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8874318/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8874318/ Thu, 25 May 2006 13:44:31 PDT i don't know how that was inspired and where it was inspired from.. but.. i did it.
i had his number so today during my lunch break i just phoned him and sure enough after one ring he answers the phone.. i asked if it was him, and he said yes and u know i wasnt even as nervous as i thought i'd be.. then again its taken me years to get brave enough to do this...
i introduced myself and then said so i think ur my dad...
or somethin kinda like that.. and he said.. why yes, and you would be my daughter...
it was weird! first off, i've never met this man, i know very little of him, other than he was in a band, big into music n art n shit..
so then he asked me where i was and all this, i told him saskatoon, and asked if he would meet me someday, he replied, of course..
so yadda yadda, we talked a bit i told him i was going to school and jamming on the side, and he kinda laughed.. said that sounds familiar.. told him i play guitar, drums, sing, etc..
told him i have a daughter, and so he says, so i'm a grandfather as well? uh huh i say, he says..finally...
i'm just trippin bout it all kinda, but not really..
the weird thing was his voice on the phone sounds like a friend of mine from a couple years ago,
my buddy Ed.. his voice matched his, thats what made it comfortable once we got talking.. it was weird..
it was like i talked to him before.. long story
so we are going to meet up.. he kinda got emotional at the end, said he was going to think about this all for a long time and give me a call one of these days, guess he has no long distance, and neither do i, so he said he's going to have to figure out some stuff, but he'll call... i am not going to call him back, i will just wait for him to phone me
don't want to put all this weird pressure on him that i'm desperate for my daddy and i am goin to hound him for attention or something
nothing like that.. i just wanted to solve the mystery that haunts me almost everyday.
so now opens a whole new world even more
i can't believe how many people go through this.. its a weird experience
this person this random person
who i have never met
or have no idea about.. is my father
he told me he loved me at the end
and is proud that i phoned, says it was a good decision
i dunno
i don't know what to feel about it all
cuz i have a dad u know, but like i never fit in with him or his family
or my moms family- but my real blood father- who my mom apperently says i am just like all the time
to meet him? have him involved even slightly in my life compared to not at all, not even knowing?
and now i've heard his voice
a comforting familiar.. theres so much that is weird about that

anyways.
tripped out shit.
so jamming scheduled for saturday, makin depressed mopey jarrid come over and this bass player dude named Scott whos pretty good, yeh makin him come over as well, then hopefully i can get something tracked out and layed down
even one solid track
we've got three disks of jamming, but i want like one full song put together
nick said we'd get started on it all in the next couple days
i hope he is serious.
you never really know with nick.. one day he is real easy to talk to and comforting about things
the next day he is like got this evil lookin glare going on a frightning sort of vibe- and u don't even wanna approach him
i do it anyways usually though
i think that ticks him off
anyways, point is, i've been pressuring him to help me get something down
sure it wouldn't be the most top notch recording
but it'd still be damn good... all i can take is his word.. but peoples words.. yeh... definitely don't hold up everytime
i've learnt that so much
so i have a backup plan.. if nick doesn't help me out soon, i'm gonna invest the money to get it done in a studio here in town, jarrid said already he'd do any drummin fer me if i needed him
and i will need him
if he cheers the fuck up that is
but i can't say much, i'm pissed off about atleast 3 things everyday!
so whatever
then him and i were outside today chillin n this chick comes up starts reaming him out bout him looking up her skirt and all this, that he's a big creep
that was reassuring i tell u, so that kinda got me wondering
and you could tell that he knew i was wondering
he was pretty choked told her to go fuck herself i dunno bunch of shit went back and forth
said he has no idea what she was talking about
but they never do,do they?
ya know?
i told him like oh well, no biggy, thats what dudes do
and he was like, no, i don't know what she's talkin bout
whatever, why w... ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8863997/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8863997/ Wed, 24 May 2006 13:07:52 PDT ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8799207/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8799207/ Wed, 17 May 2006 14:54:05 PDT so guess wtf - not only do i get to see godsmack this summer,like june 18th which is almost only a month away by the way fer anyone that might be paying enough attention to care, or for my very own resource..
i am more than likely going to rob zombie on july 30th- that is gonna be so creepy crazy- like way creepy crazy
up close and creepy with rob zombie
that is one concert i REFUSE to go to alone.
nick and charrissa and myself are going by the sounds of it, charrissa says she won't fit in, frick what is fitting in at a rob zombie concert?
i can't even believe that he is coming to saskatoon... like seriously.. what is up with all these cool bands coming to hang out here
its so out in the middle of nowhere
but anyways, reguardless i will be having a wicked summer
lots to remember
last summer pretty much sucked ass
the summer before i was workin
the summer before that was kickin ass
and this one will be kickin even more ass.
rob zombie dude! that is gonna be so intense! and its at prairieland, so it'll be up close and creepy like no doubts, rob zombie will be like feet from me
that is gonna fuck with my head in so many ways i bet
what a tripped out summer it could be... but frick, i haven't even fully grasped the fact i'm goin to godsmack
let alone rob zombie
anyways, wicked stuff
oh yeh anyone want a dog????
fer real here- i am officially not friends with the damn thing
he pisses on the floor
and other places he shouldn't
he's kinda annoying
and nick says "oh u say u want a dog, so then i get one and you hate it"
well i would like it more if it didn't piss and shit everywhere
but that won't change
so the dog is out
i have decided.
it must go away
oh and nick almost burnt our house down
i wake up this morning and everyone was still sleeping (which is not right) kirby slept in and was late for work
nick was still sleeping- i go to the bathroom and notice a candle going
oh yeh someone didn't blow it out
then i notice the black all above it
frick
nick says its just smoke and it gets clean
but i can see it
not matter how much he cleans it
and he was worried bout me and this place
so far, i am the only one makin sure anything is even getting done round there
fuck.. hard to explain
crazy life
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8748937/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8748937/ Fri, 12 May 2006 11:29:59 PDT
yeh that's right- my own song- nice hey
the final copy is almost done
trippy.
this weekend i am hoping the lyrics go in
not so worried bout the lyrics anymore
got a good drummer
and nick wants to do back up vocal
since he was kind of demoted from drummer
this fuckin place copyrights anything you write right?
i think it does
so i think i am going to have to post all of my lyrics for my songs here
then i officially own them
i haven't hardly put any actual lyrics for songs i have out on any viewable site
i mean there are a few
but i figure most of these peices i'll come back to somewhere in the future
official songs for the first album wise- none of the lyrics have been read by anyone other than a few random people
but i figure its coming up on time to get that done
before they are stolen.
now i just have to find a way to copyright the music
but i thought that came with a label
not sure
kinda workin on something with SOCAN
they copyright ur stuff
but i don't know if they publish it
its all weird.. in progress er whatever
random ramble - sorry but has to be done
all this shit is going on and its intense... but at the same time, not really
hard to explain to anyone
and my poor b/f all i do is ramble about music to him like everytime we're together
fer hours
its bad... its all i really have to talk about to anyone
music
fuck hey
but man we've been doing some recordings n shit - and they are cool
of course we are still in hiding
but it's all going to start in July.
That is something i know.
maybe sooner- depends, we need to practice and rehearse a set list of tracks
and make sure we have it down - then its off to Roxy- Buds, Amigos
wherever
i'm kinda anxious, impatient and etc
but at the same time not really
same time i'm like FUCK, how the fuck
why the fuck
how do i stop it
but i can't stop it
its fucked
life is fucked
and my poor kid man
i mean what a life for her to brought into
sometimes i wonder why i brought a child into this
i was a dumbass- i mean i love her
but she deserves so much
... i just hope one day she understands.
hopefully.
anyways.. long winded and shit, but whatev... gotta let it out all over the place
starting now!
starting today and the days to follow
as this dream becomes some sort of distorted reality
what a bunch of crazy shit.
i really can't explain it to anyone, i try but its all nonsense to them prolly
so all i can do is be who i am
and do my thing while i can
ok.. anyways..
demos are going to be available within the next bit
anyone that wants one, that'd be awesome
i have a few people already that will buy one
like 8 dollars- some said they'd pay even more to get one
so that'd be cool
ANYWAYS.
i shouldn't get too far ahead of myself, you never know what could happen
could all still be a big funny joke
but i'm telling ya
it doesn't feel like one.
not these days.
rock on motha fuckas
peace
~Phoenix~ ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8731352/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8731352/ Wed, 10 May 2006 14:47:27 PDT
Not much to ramble bout today, got a headache goin on, i'm kinda hungry, haven't aten yet today, should probably do that here sometime in the next, well i'd say hour atleast- i'll make some kickin supper er somethin- but what? i have no idea.. um veggies and um.. fries? veggies and fries it is
and that will just have to do
sounds good to me atleast, starvation!
so i talked to that jarrid guy again today, i just figured i'd throw it out there as i passed him, like wanna jam again?
and he was all like, um yes, i would be over every night if i wasn't worried about you having a kid, cuz obviously you can't jam with her ey
i was like yeh man, i know
but told him about how she'll be gone for like a solid month in july and random weekends n shit to which he says
"so you have one month to become famous"
ha! yeh right.. but man, he seems pretty into all of this- said call him anytime, said he'd jam with me everyday if i wanted him 2 - i dunno somethin like that nayways
reguardless, that would rule!
he could probably be one of the coolest people i have ever met - no shitting here. so whatev, its cool
damn this headache dude, just lingering inside of my skull
stress i tell u
i've been pretty stressed these past few weeks, seriously.
but whatev
i'll get over it
so dimitri-peatree-cheeko-chalupa-buddy-cutie-chiwahua (our dog) pissed on the carpet this morning- how the hell do you make them not do that
i told nick i wanted no shitting and pissing in the house from the dog - and now it started
anyone want a chihuaha?
they are expensive as all hell
but we'll sell it fer um 400
atleast i will
then i could just say it ran away er something
and give it to some nice old grandma lady who would like spend all her hours providing for the damn thing
and i'm havin some allergic reactions to it
shitty deal fer acacia cuz she wants pets so bad
i dunno how many we're gonna have around after this dog
i'm gettin sick of pets
like animals n all but don't really want them running around the house
but i dunno maybe the damn thing won't piss on the floor again
fuck
anyways
time to shutup
rock on motha fuckas ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8711560/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8711560/ Mon, 08 May 2006 14:51:57 PDT got a bunch of jammin in, jammed with this one dude, named Jared, coincidentally he did some drumming for my ex darrins band Sevenless, but didn't like darrin (small world) anyways, he was really awesome to jam with and hang with, like way cool.. and i felt totally comfortable around him fer some reason, whether singing, playing guitar or drums or whatever.. was really awesome.
he said if i needed any help with my project he would totally do drumming, bass whatever.. so that's one more person involved.. which is rockin awesome.
i mean its cool, could be leading me to FINALLY my first gig... started on the demo, but we're having problems putting the music onto disk and what not.. its interesting
anyways, yeh, very cool guy.. wouldn't mind seein more of him that's fer sure..
but to each their own ya know, i basically told him phone whenever.. no pressure.. i am pretty strong minded and will pull through it all no matter who comes or goes ya know
but let me tell u it was cool to gam with someone that had a lot closer of a drum style that i've been looking fer... it wasn't quite right perfect but he was awesome, lots of double kicks and rolls into the next riffs n shit.. just cool
i am hopin fer a bit darker of drumming though, naturally every drummer i have jammed with kinda does this lots of snare thing and highhats.. now don't get me wrong the sound is awesome, and they are very talented.. but the drumming needs to be darker! no snare! no highhats! only in small parts! less is more!
something i will be taking into consideration for future drummers now.
maybe its habit to want to make that snare highhat sound.. i dunno
its cool, just not what this music needs
but reguardless! awesome weekend! thank you music man!
almost time for me to get outta here for another day, kinda pumped bout that, its kinda rainy and all of that goin on
wouldn't mind just snuggling with acacia and hangin out
yeh just like that
then when she goes to bed i jam some more
got a lot of work to do, i have lots of songs, this is not the prob
but i need some more
atleast 10 more in the next month i would say
which might not be hard after the proper inspiration and life circumstance...
who knows.
was cool enough weekend so yeh
thats all
rock on
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8671034/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8671034/ Thu, 04 May 2006 10:59:48 PDT
so get the fuck this!!!! godsmack is really 100% coming to saskatoon!!!!! holy shit ey
i remember all those dreams i was having and i know its posted somewhere in my past journal entries about getting to see godsmack live
i thought i was losing my mind.. i really did
i thought somehow i was goin fuckin even more crazy then i already am
and look the fuck at this
they are coming and i have 2 tickets to go
fuck man, i could actually afford 2 tickets
you know the timing on that shit is fuckin amazing, cuz usually i have no money
and somehow i had some for godsmack tickets
yeh man.. its fuckin intense.
now according to my dreams i got the chance to talk to them
every dream i had i was there, with the girl that is apperently coming with me and i was getting the opportunity to talk to sully
now.. the chances of that actually happening? i am sure the shit enough not sure
i mean how the hell would that work? i really don't know.
and in my dreams she would be all rambling bout shit to them, and i would be kinda shy
but then sully would look at me and smile and i would feel like pukin but somehow words would come out
but dreams are not reality
then again this is the second time it has went this way
i dunno dude, not sure what to think or believe or expect from this show
i do know that i am glad i am going to it with a chick instead of a dude
cuz she'll wanna help me get to the backstage area
to meet and hang with the boys
where are you chick----- lets find a way ok?? no bitching out on me and deciding "oh lets just go home"
fuck home
if so you can go home, i am going to follow them
or find them
and drink beer with them
or whatever just stand outside their dressing room door
something!
c'mon world, make this girls dreams come true
let me just get to talk to him
without the music
see them- without the stage or television
see them standing infront of me
hear them talking just like regular people and laughin and jokin n drinkin some beer
please?
i mean it would probably fuck with my mind
but i am ready for it
please
please
and its the 4th today so that means only 45 days to go approximately
i think something like that
which really is not all that long
feels like its long, but i have a feeling its gonna go by pretty damn fast
and all of a sudden it'll be the day
cuz i remember waiting 3 months for the crue concert
and all of a sudden it was the day
so yeh.
thats the word
rock on motha fuckas
peace
~Phoenix~ ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8438811/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8438811/ Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:04:40 PDT
Yikes.
why am i here again?
comfort er some shit i suppose
prolly some childish fuckin issue
i've been searching inside and out for a while now
and so much of this bullshit factor is childish fuckin issues
its pathetic in a way
my very own self is pathetic and i find it might be incurable
uncurable?
no fuckin cure?
whatever
anyways-downer shit i know
classic symptoms of another breakdown coming through
ready to kick my ass each and every direction
even directions that may not yet be directions
fun shit ey
but i mean yeh, fun shit it has been
fun with some twists
scary twists
ah fer fuck sakes
nevermind.
so new godsmack cd out in like 14 days
2 weeks ya'll
and get the fuck this
they are coming to canada first before anywhere for the tour
yeh man
that's tripped out shit right the fuck there
i don't know where in canada, but i heard its a canadian tour
so that could be right across canada
music gods?
do you hear me?
yeh its me again, hi
see um i just have a couple of favors to ask
do you think maybe possibly i could go see godsmack again?
sometime um this summer?
in a city near me?
like almost my very own city?
or quite possibly fer real my very own city
saskatoon?
godsmack in saskatoon?
again?
and i can go?
and i can meet them this time?
tho i may not speak to them for my tongue would crawl to the back of my throat
causing mostly gurgling noises
and repeated stares that may remind them of someone about to either puke or belch
but still?
music gods?

anyways-that's the low down for today
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8372690/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8372690/ Wed, 05 Apr 2006 10:38:48 PDT and guess what, the music god heard me
thats right he/she did
i somehow ended up right at the front
bout um a foot or 2 from the stage, probably by chance the best seat in the whole stadium
figure that crap out
and all of them kept comin to that side, man it was tripped
i found myself just staring, not freaking, making a big scene
just watching them
their movements, the way they got the crowd to react to them
their technique
i got so lost in all of that really i didn't even do as much headbangin as i thought i would
but i was so close, i could see it all perfect
i got to look into vince neils eyes and nikki as well and tommy, mick i couldn't see his eyes, but he came over to the edge too....

like c'mon wit that shit, tommy lee was a couple feet from me
the whole band
and they didn't plan on hangin out on that side that much i don't think
cuz after a bit they added a mic to where i was
cuz they kept comin over there so much
no shittin you here
no shittin anyone
that was way real.
and totally frickin awesome...
yeh
back to javascript
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8362285/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8362285/ Tue, 04 Apr 2006 09:48:55 PDT you found
and follow within urself
and don't be
a slave
a slave to some one else......"

the show is fuckin tonight! just like that! how that works i do not know but tonight at 8 the motley crue show is going to be starting and it is really seeming
like i am actually going to be there.... fuck ya
fuck ya fuck ya fuck ya
by myself!
who the hell goes to a motley crue concert by themselves
apperently me
i know one dude who might be going, might get to score a ride with him
but my seat will be off by myself
and if he isn't goin, i'll be there wandering around
trying to find tommy lee n see whats up
maybe not even see whats up, just be like able to look at him from a close distance like face to face or face to somewhere in the same room as my face
how tripped would that be?
i doubt that is going to happen though.
not that dillusional today - so now all that is left is to finish my day of school which is only like 15 minutes started, so another 5 hours and 45 minutes
then go home, get acacia
get her set up til arlin comes to pick her up
get on a bus or however i get there
and see what happens
i don't even know what to expect to happen, fuckin motley crue is here in shithole saskatoon tonight
hell maybe even today
maybe they are at the bez.... i am so going to walk down there and go scope it out at lunch, why not
gotta find the boyz!
lets go, u guys gotta let me come with you!
wanna have some fun....!

anyways
yeh, pumped only slightly much
if that isn't noticeable
cuz fuck ya!
so music god that sometimes makes cool things happen and cool bands come near this place
lets make it awesome ok ya?
ya ya?
n some cool ass somethin will go down and it will be all perfect?
music god that makes cool stuff happen at concerts?
....
damn people are gonna be like
"what the hell is she talkin bout, this chick is cracked"
fuck ya!
and i'm going to motley crue tonight!
awesome hey?!
ok, i should prolly wrap this up
go start doing my javascript
listen to some music u know to help the time go by n shit like that
rock on motha fuckas
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8312390/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8312390/ Thu, 30 Mar 2006 08:32:17 PST travel the world and the seven seas...
everybodys lookin for something
some of them want to use you
some of them want to get used by you
some of them want to abuse you
some of them want to be abused..........................."

yeh man
just like that right there
you know - maybe if they added a sexual scream or orgasm to that shit right there
it'd be even better
thats the shit that sells right?
or some naked chick fingering herself
in an awkward position and u know for a fact its not even pleasuring her - for if it was
-for if it was-
you know for a fact
she'd be all over the place, flat on her back
---
random shit
but yeh
i don't think any of that last ramble has much to do with anything
just had to bring it up
for some reason
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8283685/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8283685/ Mon, 27 Mar 2006 11:05:08 PST and always about to meet the guys
it's ridiculous actually, and starting to creep me out.
sounds dumb, i know, but the creepy thing is that in 2003 i saw godsmack fer the first time in august
i'd say for about a year before that i was having random dreams that i would see them live
and i loved the dreams cuz it felt so real ya know, like even if it never happened i could dream it
anyways
after i saw them live, some creeped out shit happened at the concert that i don't wanna get into
but the dreams stopped.
now roughly 3 years later....
they have started up big time again.
i'd say since the beginning of the year
sometimes i'll be hanging with them, sometimes i will be talking to them
maybe going to see them
its insane, i'm serious, this band is even taking over my dreams.
does a person have control what they dream about?
cuz it doesn't feel like i can control it
oy, its hard to explain, very hard...
and i have been trying to avoid all of it, not think bout it, pass it all off as coincidence
like i do with much of the creeped out shit that is connected to all of this
but i can't avoid it
it's turning into an every other night thing
i'm serious here, 1 out of every 3 dreams i have or so i'd say they are in
or its something about them
so it has me wondering what the hell is going on
i can't see how i would get the chance to see them live again
show #2? how would that even be possible?
i'm not sure
so... that is why this is upsetting me, well not upsetting but confusing me
cuz i don't wanna get my hopes up this means im gonna see them again
don't wanna be disappointed
and then there was the whole scrapbook opportunity that just recently happened
i went with the flow, got to send somethin to em
put this little bookish thing together, was frustrating then it all clicked
and it goes right to em
.. i know.
i sound like a majorly obsessed fan
i know this.
i am tryin to believe that is really all it comes down to
but something won't let me believe that all the way
yikes.
i'm tellin ya
bizarre crap.
coincidence is what i figure
it has to be.
what else is there?
i'm losin it?
that could be the other answer!
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8234813/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8234813/ Wed, 22 Mar 2006 08:50:48 PST Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out of here
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you

an every time I think ive finally made it
I learn I'm farther away than I have ever been before
I see the clock and its ticking away, and the hourglass empty
What the F***do I have to say

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out of here
Release me, I'm just as lost as you
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you

Keep it inside, the image portrayed
As if I couldnt stand losing as if I couldn't be saved, no way
A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need
A small reflection on when we were younger
We had it all figured out 'cause we had everything covered
Now were older its getting harder to see
What this future will hold for us, what the F*** are we going to be?

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out of here
Release me, I'm just as lost as you
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you

So lost, I'm just as lost as you
Oh well what am I going to do
I'm afraid I'm falling farther away (from where I want to be)

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down, this pictures frozen and I cant get out of here
Release me, I'm just as lost as you
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you..."
~Trapt~

Just like that i guess!
Peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8187212/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8187212/ Fri, 17 Mar 2006 10:43:08 PST glycerine-bush

song will always be intense eh?
for some i suppose.
nother day
awakes,stretches, goes back to sleep
nother day.

i dunno i know these dayz are leading to something
u know?
like they always are
i've watched and lived so many pointless, useless nothing dayz
and i remember wondering

why?
what the hell is the point of any of this pain
it's too late
i dunno blah blah blah
once again blah blah
i know.

peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8167675/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8167675/ Wed, 15 Mar 2006 11:04:04 PST 'cause you spent the night,ha,
Yeah right,not quite
You think you're the one to tame me
I'm your mothers worse nightmere
An out of control freak
Just wait and see

I'm bad for you,I'll hurt your pride
I'll put a whole in your heart ten foot wide
I make you feel like you wanna die
Even I'd run from me if I could
I'm bad for you
And that's good

I'm a killer with a conscience
So I'm warning you watch what you do
Think before you try my patience
I'm an emotional time bomb
A virtual melt down
Yes it's true

I'm bad for you I'll hurt your pride
I'll put a whole in your heart ten foot wide
I make you feel like you wanna die
Even I'd run from me if I could
I'm bad for you, I'm bad for you
And that's good

You know I got a good side too
And I could do some good for you
But I'm bad for you I'll skin your hide
What your left with you wont recognise
If you run away now you'd be wise
Even I'd run from me if I could

I'm bad for you I'll hurt your pride
I'll put a whole in your heart ten foot wide
I make you feel like you wanna die
Even I'd run from me if I could
Im bad for you, I'm bad for you,
I'm bad for you, I'm bad for you
And thats good
~Bad 4 You- Alannah Myles~ ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8158024/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8158024/ Tue, 14 Mar 2006 10:37:15 PST
so good shit on the horizon, frickin massive changes
changes dude changes!
oy.
how to explain... i don't think its quite possible.
no, prolly not.
some things i guess must stay within the beholder
u know, some things/feelings i doubt anyone is able to express or share with the rest of the world
i suppose if i could right now
put this all into a feeling or vision
i would see it as like a dark sunset
after a cold dark day
one in which you've been looking out the window to see for years
and it never comes
and then one day
one cold dark day
long after you've desired and forgotton
this vision is there
staring back at your face
....and inside you make your peace with life...

yeh something like that
i don't quite understand any of this
but i am determined
maybe that's been the point all along
who knows.

~Peace~ ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8121272/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8121272/ Fri, 10 Mar 2006 12:27:40 PST fuck ya that would be me
got my ticket today
so not even a month to go
talk bout fuckin awesome
i'm gonna be there screamin crazy ass shit
motley crue!!!!!!
the boyz!!!!!
yup, gotta tell the world
can't wait
peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8111459/ http://xcarpexdiemx.deviantart.com/journal/8111459/ Thu, 09 Mar 2006 11:03:20 PST thats the shit right there.. those boyz are wit it i tell ya
frick
html is confusing crap man
in class
where i should be learning
headache from hell
but can listen to tunes
which is sweet

i have given up all men n relationships officially
awesome hey
it's a good thing i know it
i'm 24 and i've waited and searched
the search ends today!
it's pretty sweet.
i've decided to pay attention to my very own self
instead of these sweet talkin, lonely, reachin out guys
no more!
i waited and waited
and it was never right
so now
i am takin my power back
or some shit like that
this is a great thing.
i think too many jump into relatonships too fast
they are lonely
scared
in a bad situation
and need a way out
so we cling
then destroy eachother
i mean some don't, some love eachother and support one another and stay together n make eachothers lives all happy and shit
i havent' found that!
and drained so much energy and parts of self in this process
that only failed
so here we go
this is new
oh you bet
and it's great

peace ]]> ~xcarpexdiemx