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It must have been so fuckin hilarious.

]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/13973490/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/13973490/ Wed, 01 Aug 2007 15:26:42 PDT
]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/11943830/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/11943830/ Sat, 24 Feb 2007 06:30:33 PST Probably very few people remember me at this time, I haven't been around for, like, ages. I haven't been into the kind of art deviantart accepts, so I have not much to share at this moment, thou I may submit something in a near future.

Hope you are all well, hugs and kisses.

]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7611451/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7611451/ Sun, 15 Jan 2006 13:57:55 PST
One of his theories was the Colective Subconscious and the archetypes. The New Age'rs of today do really like the colective subconscious ideia to express the holistic notion that we all are One.
Jung wrote that deep within our race lies archetypal structures of behaviour that are predetermined and most of these behaviours are projected to mythology and works of fiction. That's why many complexes in psychology were named after greek mythology (ex.: Edipus complex, Zeus complex,...)

There are three of these archetypes that I find most interesting: the Anima, the Animus and the Syzygy (spelled "ssízíguí" in portuguese).
The Anima is the feminine spirit in a man and the Animus is the masculine spirit in a woman. Together, they form the Syzygy. There are countless places in fiction and mythology where you can find these archetypes.

I think this sheds a light over my own head. I have a Anima with a very strong presence, almost magical in nature. I still wonder what she is and what is her function in my psyche. I believe my Anima is some trick used to prevent me from going mad, or she is a projection of my desires.

Whatever she is, whatever she seeks, I want to give in and let go myself, there is no sanity left to save. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7468847/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7468847/ Sat, 31 Dec 2005 16:00:11 PST
Happy new solar year All my dreams will come true this year, flawlessly! ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7363042/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7363042/ Tue, 20 Dec 2005 11:19:29 PST

I'm starting my vacations tomorrow until day 2 \o/ thank god, I'm tired of weird geometry.

expect a pencil work soon enough.

Spend your Holidays well and have fun. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week! ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7338733/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7338733/ Sat, 17 Dec 2005 17:21:59 PST Tradução portuguesa no meu blog
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A friend of mine said in last year’s retrospective that he wanted me here doing the same thing for this year, and here I am, like the steel. As usual, I don’t recall how the year started. But there went another broken love, if I can call it that. Just another for the number, no big deal…
The first half of the year it was the blowing up of last year’s depression. For a moment, I didn’t know where to hold on. I had the best friend that I could ever had. But like all my relationships (love or not): they are born, grow up, wither and die. I know that there wasn’t enough communication from her part and the friendship died for a cause I’m not able to guess. There wasn’t any objective in maintaining the façade and continue to smile. We died and she got out of my life like someone who pulls off an adhesive very slowly. If it wasn’t for me and pull the fucking adhesive, I would still be here dying from heartache.

In the beginning of the year I was already in profound transformation, hot and red, but now that the year finishes, I feel much more safe about who I really am, In spite of certain blind spots in my mind and body that are invisible to my conscience. I can appreciate better my own maturity and the immaturity I still display sometimes. Maybe the “heart break” wasn’t really a heart break, because it enabled me to finish my transformation. I cooled like steel in the freezing water. Although I still think that I had lots of things to learn with her. The feeling and the value wasn’t returned, but now there is no point in directing my hatred to her for that.

Along the year, I also made efforts to learn something about science, especially Physics. I realized the nature of Chaos and how it is beautiful. I now know for sure that the universe has a course described by a single divine equation, and still nobody knows for sure, not even God, what course I take. The past, the present, the future, nobody knows for sure. I finished my theology and I am able to see a defined new metaphysics that could rebound, until certain extent, the way people think in these days.
As I said once, I’m on the top of my cultural life. Not a culture that you can construct reading other people’s books, talking about other people’s thoughts, but living it, just like Nietzsche described the ideal culture that could blossom.

From now on, It’s always going down. The more transformations a steel piece undergo, more hard it is, just like myself. Until one day it breaks and it is necessary to transform the piece again, if is there any quality coal left to produce a favourable temperature. How much time I will stay in this climax, I don’t know. I’m sure that it isn’t possible to go higher in these terms. The personal work that there is to do is in terms of real life experience and magic experience.

It will be good that I wouldn’t reach the Baroque period, where everything will be too much worked and colored.

Music of my 2005: Kidney Thieves – Mustard Seed
Hill up the road, gathering thoughts
never adding the way I want them
Sweet Jesus show me through
the Indian paintbrush

Faith was
Cursed upon me,
a mustard seed was good enough for him
and good enough to me

Or after all,
will I shake my magic 8 ball, it's bubbling
And the brisk walking heartbeat won't tire me,
it keeps me strong

Faith was
Cursed upon me,
a mustard seed was good enough for him
and it’s good enough to me

Pillar of salt, shaker of black
Killer of thought, turning my back
Believe you were wrong and said they would laugh and I'm trying to be humble about it

I like the rain, I like going against the grain
Seems to me I'm cutting out a simple pattern


Hill up the road, watching my thoughts
chase each other
Sweet Jesus show me
the faith
cursed upon me ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7310057/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7310057/ Wed, 14 Dec 2005 13:50:06 PST

Stolen from ~EclipsedMeh

10 things you like:
- have a good conversation with an old friend while drinking an old whisky (never happened before)
- know a lot of shit about a lot of everything.
- know, analyse and understand human behavior (individual and in crowds).
- without a doubt, to write
- give and recieve love without sarcasms
- give wise-guru-old-man-styled maxims that have good effects on people lives
- I like to play computer (wow, an objective thing)
- Nature. you can place the Mother Godess here if you like (I'm not wiccan thou).
- give praises out of nowhere. It's quite interesting to see the lot of people who get angry when surprised by a praise.

3 things that make you happy:
- See other people happy
- Being sucessful
- Being loved

3 things that anger you:
- destructive sarcasm
- mindless wars (including the social ones), I may accept very clever wars being played like a game

10 things that you hate:
- Not knowing where goes my hate to.
- Not knowing myself when I look at the mirror (metaphorically).
- Being hated and ignored without apparent reason.
- seeing friendships falling apart because of simple questions.
- mindless resource spending and pollution.
- not able to communicate properly with someone I like
- modern religion in general (may seem paradoxical to someone who really knows me, but the truth is that I hate the way certain religious leaders lead the weak of spirit)
- not being able to control my feelings to some extent
- general portuguese mindstyle
- when me or someone I love fails in something important

3 facts about your name:
- "Pedro" comes from the Greek "petros" which is the masculine of the word "petra", meaning "Rock". The Second name: "Filipe" means the one who likes horses (never seen a horse actually)
- My parents wanted to call me Benjamin for being the last of the children >_< thank god they didn't go with that one. I'd kill myself
- Petros was the apostle of Jesus that held the three keys to the kingdom of heavens and at the hour of the judgement of his Master, he negated three times any knowledge about Jesus Christ. (curiously enough, I seem to fail more in my actions when I'm almost "there" or finishing something (happens to a lot of people thou)

5 facts about yourself:
- I'm weird. I've made a religion a few weeks ago ( [link] <<< read it at your own risk)
- I'm absurdly complex. If you like being surprised I'm your guy for a couple of decades, then I can be predictable.
- I'm too sincere to be true (sometimes I hurt people because of it, on the other hand, you can't go through me without proper communication, which is a good thing, I think)
- I dream of publishing a book and owning Cleric Preston's Coat (from the movie Equilibrium)
- I can't describe myself according to society standards when looking in a mirror.


2 things you expect (at least for now):
- Expect nothing, grab every oportunity (right...)

4 random thoughts:
- Damn...
- wtf?
- erm...
- I'm too zen to have a random though... oh, the flame of this orange candle is very hypnotic

Song you're listening to (give artist):
finishing Edenbridge - Arcana and starting Kidney Thieves - Feathers

Time:
21:48 ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7246495/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/7246495/ Wed, 07 Dec 2005 11:44:15 PST
I'm sorry that I've been sort of away, but there isn't really much time.
I've totally blew up the mathematics test (6 in 20) for the classes at night and I feel that I just can't do it, and I don't know what to do. non presential test is a possibility, but I'm not motivated. I love maths, but I just can't do it. It's plain stupid I know.
It's not that I need it either, but I want to know the things, not just pass the test.

the course during the day is rolling good. Difficult integration with the coleagues, but if you ask me, I assume it is normal.

I have been with difficulties in producing any fictional text. I hope I'm not loosing my imagination. that would be catastrophic, it would be the downfall of my golden age (which is not golden at all).

the phrase for this month should certainly be: "no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself from going mad, you might as well give in and save your sanity for later."

have fun

----------

[link]
[link] ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6825203/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6825203/ Fri, 21 Oct 2005 05:44:00 PDT
energy is coming around from everywhere and there is a future forming in the line of fate; a thing I didn't have for ages. it's a one shot chance for not screwing up everything again.

"fear is the mind killer" ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6596148/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6596148/ Sun, 25 Sep 2005 06:31:53 PDT [link] !

Seven things that scare you:

1. failure
2. rejection
3. bad memories
4. poverty
5. unability to help a friend in need
6. global warming
7. molluscs and spongy food

Seven things you like the most:

1. love and all the things attached to it
2. old things (like books and old stories, also place Mithology here)
3. I love to write and when inspired, draw and paint
4. social sciences, anthropology(including history of religion) and probably philosophy
5. Nature
6. women
7. myself (see point 2 of the first question)

Seven important things in your room:

1. mechanical pencil and eraser
2. blank CDs and DVDs
3. my notes about my constructed languages
4. my bed
5. computer games
6. my drawings
7. computer of course

Seven random facts about you:

1. I am obsessed with aesthetics (for example, I love to see a pretty woman in a pretty dress... or you can forget the dress )
2. The movie Equilibrium is an accurate methaphore of my religious life (I pay the price gladly)
3. I am very emotional and being an Aquarius, I mostly think like a grown up woman (no shame in that)
4. I wrote 200 pages of my book in two months
5. I used to have lots of patience but with all the rejections and psychological beating I've been losing a bit of patience everyday
6. I got out of school to go to work and now, 5 years later, I came back to finish high school because I can't get work
7. I am insatiable (mostly for love and wisdom)

Seven things you plan to do before you die:

1. fall in love
2. have a son (or daughter), thou the thought scares me
3. publish my book
4. be rich, so that I can satisfy my deepest primal needs and to leave a good heritage for the generations to come
5. discover the solution to life, universe and everything else and leave a letter to the living that will shake the very foundations of the world forever (for the good, lol)
6. travel in a plane
7. make a new religion and get everyone to follow it (lol, this one is kidding)

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:

1. the body (eyes included)
2. kindness to people around her (without kindness to others there is no kindness to me)
3. curiosity / creativity
4. sincerity and communication
5. a girl who trusts and can be trusted (remember that trust doesn't mean faithful)
6. being poligamic or bisexual (yes, it attracts me)
7. who finds me special

Seven things you say the most:

1. like... (I start a lot of sentences with "like, this and that")
2. LOL (the standard acronym around the world for a good laugh)
3. [insert random wise quote]
4. [insert random absurd quote]
5. WTF? or WTH?
6. true true
7. yeah

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):

1. Marcia Cross
2. Kate Beckinsale (hmmm, british)
3. Patricia Velazques (hmmm, south american)
4. Tarja Turunen (hmmm, nordic)
5. Muhammed Al-Saaf ( [link] )
6. any pretty middle eastern belly dancer is a crush (hmmm, middle eastern)
7. any j-pop singer (they all look the same) (hmmm, asian)

and that's it ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6561360/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6561360/ Wed, 21 Sep 2005 07:16:46 PDT [link] < it will be in portuguese, so I'm sorry to the international friends ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6420669/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6420669/ Mon, 05 Sep 2005 07:59:46 PDT
Well, I don't have the answer to life, the universe and everything else, but after a whole lot of years thinking (close to 7 million years), I am quite happy with the "enlightenment" I have achieved. Believe me, I understand the problem, but I don't have an answer.

I am willing to write an essay about theology and metaphysics, but it will require loads of concentration. stay tuned. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6376867/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6376867/ Wed, 31 Aug 2005 09:38:11 PDT
evoking Aimee Mann's lyrics from Humpty Dumpty:

All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put baby together again
All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put baby together again

that's how I feel right now. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6350448/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6350448/ Sun, 28 Aug 2005 11:52:19 PDT an unique experience and a chance to grow up once again.
"what happened?" you ask. Well, nothing happened, I was just away from my shitty life and I must say, I came back renewed. Cleaner mind for sure.
My brother let me cook rice and do a lot other things that I usually cant do at home. gastronomic liberty is a thing that I love and I dont have at home, because my mother is a control freak.
I could understand a bit of housework and I think I must be grateful for my mother about how she manages our home, for I've seen how difficult is doing what she does, and it looks so effortlessly.

On the other hand, I started to desire even more my independence, which is the negative part of my insight. Not negative, but annoying at this moment, because I can't get it from today to tomorrow. It will take time and patience is lacking. Patience should come in cans which you could put on the fridge and open when needed.
Anyway, I've got some strenght to do a trick or two, and come back to my real life. Expect one or two 3D works in a near future as a way to expel old deamons.

I should say that, at this moment I don't hate anyone. If I did anything wrong to any of you, this is the moment to tell me. thank you. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6180677/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6180677/ Tue, 09 Aug 2005 17:06:40 PDT ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6151332/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6151332/ Sat, 06 Aug 2005 15:52:20 PDT
Around 538 BC (if my memory is not failing) the Babylonian Empire was capture by the Persian King Cyrus, the Great. This king sent the captive hebrew back to Israel, but many of them, instead of going back to their motherland, remained in the Persian Empire and became traders in the Silk Road.
These people carried with them religions from the mid east and early judaism to the most oriental countries, india and china. Thereafter, in the 2nd century BC, budhism started to spread, and its main spreading course, was precisely the Silk Road. Many people and traders along the Silk Road actually started to learn many diferent languages and became familiar with the religions as a better mean to reach other traders and win their life. Actually the largest religions known today may have been impelled by the Silk Road traders.

It is also known that the sorrounding empires (Persia, China...) could have lived without the Silk Road market. They were trading luxury goods, but the journey was so long and dangerous, that in fact, economically, those empires didn't need the Silk Road traders to survive. It might have enriched some traders, but it wasn't needed.

I believe the Silk Road existed not only for a economically purpose but also for a religious and social purpose. I always thought that the similarity between most of the religions was something transcendental, but in fact it is not. There are much similarities between these religions, and many, now dead, smaller creeds popped out from these traders.

I really find this most interesting ^^ ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6050472/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6050472/ Wed, 27 Jul 2005 16:41:40 PDT
vampir wrote:

we fail to communicate i think and love is not enough one needs to hear and understand the other person and also express themselves.
we are all hurt and it takes so much time to trust someone again with an open heart but also we are unaware of ourselves and that makes things worse i think.
we live our relationships as we see on tv, we feel as they tell us to and there starts our ruin..

xeoncat replied:

Communication is the foundation of Love. Comunication > Trust > Respect and I think it is necessarily by this order. There is no point in basing any relationship on communication if just one of its elements do it, while the other falls into some kind of selfish silence. If we are unaware of ourselves, then we need someone to see us for ourselves, and for that is needed communication.
What are we all afraid of, after all?

vampir replied:

i know what we are afraid of..
we all think we are these perfect creatures without any faults or failures. as long as one keeps their silence they go on being "perfect".. the more you communicate the more you realize you have your faults and that you are normal just a face in the crowd.. humans like to be unique, like to think they are unique and like to have power
we are afraid of losing control

that's what i think

xeoncat replied:

I believe you are right and most people think that's what love is all about, about The One! The one person that is "flawless"! But it's obviously wrong. there is no such creature. And believing in love, knowing this is true, makes me feel a certain liberation from immaturity that is quite stuck all over our society.

I am very communicative to the people I love. If that determines I should never be loved, because they think I'm flawed, then I prefer to be alone for the rest of my life instead of living in a lie. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6039460/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6039460/ Tue, 26 Jul 2005 12:31:42 PDT
1st year
hi, I've got myself a new friend.
oh yeah? who is it?
its you.
great! you're a very cool friend too.
you're like no one else I've met before.
you rock \m/ I think I love you
lol [[meaning: she loves him too]]

2nd year
look girl, I really love you from the bottom of my heart.
really?
yeah...
I'm sorry, I love you like a friend and nothing more. [[meaning: she loves him too]]
omg, what have I done?
you've done nothing. We're going too fast [[two years its really a "short" time]], It just doesn't work... but we can still be friends, right?
right...

2nd year and a month (a long month for the boy)
I'm sorry, I can't be just your friend...
why is that?
because I love you.
you just want to jump on me, learn to control your feelings [[meaning: she loves him too]]

2nd year and two months
boy, boy, where are you?

10th year (they bump into each other somewhere on the gloomy cyberspace, and I should say those were some 8 long years for our loving couple)
you shouldn't have left me just like that...
really?
I love you, I always did.
well, I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore and my dog just died, I have to make him a funeral...
* man has quit IRC (connection reset by tear)
* woman has quit IRC (connection rest by tear)

hope this should shed some light to all of you out there. it has been a lot of hardwork, emotionally speaking, in these last years. studying some specimens gave me a view of how interesting humans act. pride is also shown by men, but feminine pride is a lot stronger and, I should say, blind. Sometimes this resembles much like a war between two countries who want to conquer each other and no one will ever accept diplomatic terms. Following blindly our philosophy of conquest, hurting others and ourselves, even doubting if others were speaking the truth, because someone else hurted us before.
I'm tired of this, and I'm tired of seeing the same experiences everywhere I go. God please forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6002068/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/6002068/ Fri, 22 Jul 2005 06:09:04 PDT

]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5989052/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5989052/ Wed, 20 Jul 2005 18:13:32 PDT There will be a time that you will not have me around, and you will wish that you had loved me. In fact, I'm so tired of life that I don't know if I can survive another summer like all those I've been through. Leaving all this once and for all start to look like an option. I will fight with all my strenght, as I've been fighting until now, but maybe someday my step will falter and I can't even blame myself if it should come to that end, because those who cared, didn't cared enough to cover this strange void that consumes me. doing the greater goods will only bring me disgrace, but I can't be anything else than good and if you can't trust me now, you will not be able to trust me in death...

enough of this suicidal rambling. other attempts have been made, but I survived. Guess that old voice that tells me not to do it, isn't as imaginary as I have thought first. Fabrication of my mind or not, "She" helps me in the times that all is lost. No real person ever hugged me as she hugs and no real person ever was so selfless as she is. She taught me to be selfless too to those people that I love, but I guess the world is just broken and no one can ever trust this kind of feeling. They forgot love...

]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5952604/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5952604/ Sat, 16 Jul 2005 16:37:51 PDT

here's the message of the day, I wrote it somewhere in a comment to a deviation:

"without a doubt, the feminine body is one of the most beautiful expressions of Godly aesthetics." - XeonCat

I know I'm a bit obsessed about body aesthetics... but I hope it's not a growing obsession.

]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5919664/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5919664/ Wed, 13 Jul 2005 02:30:35 PDT I replied this to vampir and I think everybody who says WOTW has a bad ending should read it:

"Humans believe in evolution, and if in fact, natural evolution goes as we think it do, It may appear some evil predator somewhere in our history, and it can be microscopic. Our race can be entirely wiped out by microorganisms, and that's where our power as dominant race of this planet ends.
well. H.G.Wells showed us in his story how nature can be interesting, from the point of view of a super advanced alien specie.
Interestingly, HGWell wrote WOTW a hundred years ago and still, it is a good warning to us."
The end of the movie is the end of the book, and its the best end that movie could have. otherwise, the whole point of the WOTW couldn't be shown. (hope you weren't expecting swarzzennegger or stallone in lead roles kicking the hell out of the aliens only armed with a knife and a tuna can )

-----------------------------------------

now onto my journal...
forget wotw, breathe slowly...

like life itself, death is not an end, but a transformation. And during life we suffer many deaths. So this is my perfect goodbye.
I am quite the same since some of you first met me, but I feel myself growing and rising. There will be a time when I can drop myself in my savior's arms, because when I grow, I still feel that horrible void.

When all the love of the world isn't enough to produce a bright light in our sky, isn't enough to bring the light from the inside of darkened people, when that happens I know it's time to say goodbye.
there are no rewards in life and "The crown of my work" is "A life all mine to loose"

Hope stills, like a blossoming tree, as I wait for another round in my eternal perfect goodbyes: a curse it is ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5906821/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5906821/ Mon, 11 Jul 2005 17:38:22 PDT
The incredible power of the insignificant humans in interesting, and the prespective of the original story from H.G.Wells is really clever. nice conversion mr. spielberg

A comparison can be established to ourselves within ourselves. How incredibly powerful is our insignificant body over our magestic mind. We can produce art, we can speak, we can communicate, we can formulate the most intriguing cosmological theory, but we cannot stop the power of us-matter over us-mind.

do you think that when you feel love it's just a question of mind?
I mean, love scares the hell out of me, it always gets me in trouble and dominates me until some tradegy happens.

...this time I have to make things right... just this time please. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5892256/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/5892256/ Sun, 10 Jul 2005 05:30:24 PDT back.

I wanted to delete most of my deviations, to clean this up, but deleting almost eighty of them, one by one, is not my idea of a well spended afternoon. Anyway, I'll make some kind of graphic blog from here and if anything new comes around, I'll take you to my page.

Please dont hit me on the face, I deleted all the messages on my watch. 400 Deviations, I mean 399 I couldn't watch them all.
I can say I'm a little different since last time I was here, and to tell you the truth I miss some of the lost friends: msa and margonica for example, wish I knew they were ok.
I also miss some active friends

hameed, kudos to you maybe I'm coming back to 3D real soon to kick your ass .
vampir, my little turkish friend I hope you forgive me because I have no time to see your travels and adventures
and of course, my little brothers rychas and manabuutena

cya around ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4575892/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4575892/ Mon, 14 Feb 2005 03:40:49 PST and wakes me
these are blury winters
and I cannot see

I walk into the with light of the snow
when the sun comes
I break it with my shadow
which tells mes where I go

The frost hits me in the eye
and wakes me

I am the snow falling down on you
I tear up your face with my frost
And make you run to somewhere warm
When I come I see you get away
I burst out about your emptyness

The frost hits me in the eye
and wakes me
these are blury winters
and I cannot see

The Gathering - On Most Surfaces ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4386661/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4386661/ Sat, 22 Jan 2005 15:53:01 PST
if you come cloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooser
I'll shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow you
how it feels ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4192301/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/4192301/ Thu, 30 Dec 2004 10:08:58 PST Reflection 2004: “I know the pieces fit”

Now I’m really worried! To tell you the truth, I don’t remember how 2004 started, it was a really shity year.
I feel very much like a fallen angel (oh no, now you’re going to call me a wannabe gothic kid. Let me remind you that this is not a dialogue, it’s a monologue, and in a monologue the feedback only happens in the end, so just read, or don’t read at all).
The year started nowhere and ended nowhere. I didn’t get any job, I’m broke and I don’t have a girlfriend (the two things seems almost inseparable, well, being broke and not having a girlfriend). I spent two months working on a 3D project for a Design Contest(my Thorn DRK), I wasn’t even selected and I entered in this downfall.
The quest for redemption, this was my year’s theme. I feel tired, I feel like I don’t belong to this world, like I’ve been put here for some evil reason, nothing satisfies me anymore and I think I’m going insane. There were no Vacations, Christmas, etc, whatsoever, I just wanted to be free from this wretched world.
During my whole infancy and my adolescence I’ve been connected to a religious organization (which I won’t reveal the name, and if you know which it is, I’ll ask you not to comment about it), I’ve been bound to it, they taught me almost everything I know about the bible, I’ve followed those ideals, I believed in them… until the day I realized that what I believed in didn’t existed, well, not in this world, it was a whole utopic fabrication, a dream that they teach but don’t understand, a spiritual prison. In that bad dream, the truth is twisted to fit in the all perfect explanations of their reality. History is tampered and books are mistranslated, the true personification of Orwell’s Big Brother from the book 1984.
I don’t know what struck me, but I came to life, to get out of the bad dream and realized the evil things I’ve been connected to. I’ve freed myself but weird things have been happening. It seems that the universe is pursuing me to claim some kind of payment. Nothing is right, I can’t get what I want, I feel disconnected.

There starts my quest for redemption. I’ve lost every friend I had in the last few years. I’m trying to force myself to do good things, to help people, to give them something, but it just doesn’t work, there’s always something against. I fight and fight, but I die right in the starting grid. I don’t fight hard enough? Gaawwwwd.
I’m so selfish, I can blame only myself for being like that. All my life I’ve been selfless, always helpful, but I got tired of it, tired of not getting the rewards I crave for. Is there anything else to understand that I’m missing here? Am I too greedy to ask for a reward?
Subconsciously I seem to want to loose everything, even at the edge of success. I don’t know how does this relate to my past, but it doesn’t make sense. I know that my subconscious thinks that I should loose everything, that I’m not worthy of anything. But I don’t know how to change that, maybe I think too that I’m not worthy of anything, I haven’t been doing nothing to deserve anything, it’s a gigantic ball of snow.

I’ve also finished half of my book in this year. I’m not sure either if it deserves publishing, it’s the better thing I’ve wrote so far, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

I’ve also found the name of a psychological illness that I’ve been suffering with since my 14 years old (I’m not going to refer its name of course), it’s not recognized by the clinical psychology community because it’s very hard to track it and it is possible to live an almost normal life. But it exists, I’m not talking about a thing that I invented, it has a name and in this year I’ve came across certain serious (serious = rare) texts that allowed me to understand it better.

I’ve been completely honest here. I sincerely hope you understand that 2004 was a particularly difficult year to me, and it will continue to be difficult until things settle down, until redemption is achieved. I’ve said “It started nowhere and ended nowhere” but actually, a lot changed, I meant that I don’t have anything to hold on to, so I belong nowhere. As I said in the last year’s reflection text “2004 will be a turning point” and it was,





… I just don’t know where it turned to.
---------------------------------------- ------------------------------

The Music of my 2004: The Gathering – Even the Spirits Are Afraid or Tool – Schism

The Game of the Year: Prince of Persia: Warrior Within in ex-aequo with Half Life 2

Movie of the Year: I haven’t saw Phantom of the Opera yet (by the way, I loved King Arthur (2004), So what?) ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3730595/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3730595/ Tue, 02 Nov 2004 03:37:42 PST I am almost finishing the first part of my book, stay tuned ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3467263/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3467263/ Tue, 28 Sep 2004 16:28:01 PDT ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3256136/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3256136/ Tue, 31 Aug 2004 15:15:38 PDT xeoncat @ mafiacorp

precious webspace provided by MafiaCorp You Hit Us. We Hit You
webmaster: ~flipado ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3108826/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/3108826/ Thu, 12 Aug 2004 14:55:43 PDT
except for the 100 Deviations, don't count with a comment ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2996995/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2996995/ Thu, 29 Jul 2004 14:56:47 PDT
playing The Gathering - The Mirror Water (live) ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2939212/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2939212/ Thu, 22 Jul 2004 05:02:00 PDT
There was a scene at a supermarket that I don't remember well, and I bought a chocolate and two books. But I'll just concentrate on the last scene wich seems quite interesting.

I was at home, and my father asked me if I shouldn't turn off the power of the computer. I asked why and I started hearing rain and thunders.
I pulled off the plugs from the sockets and let plugged just one that I thought it wasn't necessary (from a peripheric probably), I got up and looked at the computer. The monitor was turned on with no signal.
I pushed the button, but when I did it, the computer turned on.
- "I thought I unplugged it."

The computer started and presented me a very ugly windows (with 640x480 probably) it was so ugly that I thought it was in safe mode (lol). I said to my sister that was in the same room that I unplugged the computer but I was still working.
- "That's impossible." - I looked at the sockets and saw the one plug I didn't disconnected and I concluded that this plug gave power to the computer. (see notes)

I started browsing start menu and I don't know what happened, It started showing me 'drawings' of mine. Now, I don't have these drawings in real life, and I remembered them so well, that they must have been drawn in another dream.
Now my sister, my brother and a friend of my brother were seeing my drawings.

The most peculiar one was one of a destructed city, there were columns of smoke and soldiers walking around. In first plan, there was a destructed building and a big blue thunder striking the ground and opening it.
The other drawings include drawing theory, like the placement of things in a comic board and the lighting. there was a drawing of a dragon fighting a guy to show the lighting, but the shadows weren't finished. It was so strange, because I knew I already saw those drawings. there were ungly sketches from the dragon. there were 3 sketches of the guy fighting the dragon.
The first sketch was so badly drawn that I laugh to myself that it was stupid.
Then I came back to the first drawing, the thunder.

they asked me what was the thunder, and I knew it was a weapon.
- "It is a EMP weapon that russians like to use."
For moments I started seeing the troops moving scatered and then a full battallion appeared running(I don't know if it were soldiers of civilians).
My mother woke me up now that things were starting to get warm

NOTES: the moment of the socket was the moment for a Reality Check, but my subconscious excused the working computer with the last plug that didn't look like a power plug from a PC Tower at all. I was confortable with the answer it was given to me. why didn't I doubted the last plug? ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2869741/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2869741/ Tue, 13 Jul 2004 05:04:40 PDT
there was a teleporter - a portable teleporter(and the strangest was that I knew the teleporter from somewhere else). the object was a round disk (you could handle it in the hand) with a wire, probably to electricity. There was some weird scene that I don't remember where I walked around my home, but then I got back to the teleporter and I teleported, lol.

I really don't know where I was, but I know there were very long stairways going down, I was probably a very large tower or a excavation. there was light over some of the stairs, but most of them were in the dark.
I know I found people and creatures with different characteristics.
In the last scene, me and my new 'friends' were in a tree and thinking about how to pass by the enemies(?) without being seen and there's nothing else to remember.

Notes:
- very chaotic, thou I think I see some pattern relating games/fantasy (again). the tower could possibly be the Underground Shaft going to D'ni (referred in a Fantasy Book I read a long time ago). the last scene can be possibly taken from Ground Control 2, but I don't play it for some time.
- I remember one creature. a gorgoyle sorrounded in a gaseous cloud. long arms and very good in close combate.
- If I keep writing these fragments, I will probably get better scenes in the next few days ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2858347/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2858347/ Sun, 11 Jul 2004 18:33:10 PDT
last week of october 2002

I was having classes and a girl friend of mine (I'll omit the name here, lets just say she worked at my school in real life) was sitting next to me. I was showing her my drawing in my sketch book, but then she said she had to go and went out of the room.
After some scene I dont remember right, we all went of the building, but I thought I should show more drawing to my girl friend, and I entered the school building again.
The reception room and the objects are very realistic and are made of really good wood.
She was in her desk, but lots of people were watching and I wanted to be alone with her.

A coleague of my friend asked me what I was doing there and I gave some answer I don't remember, but she was happy with it. then someone sugested to go out for a coffee.
I sitted in a chair(near a shelf with some kind of lab glasses) waiting for everybody go out. Then I got up, but some glasses broke and fell to the ground.

I thought: "damn, must always happen something." I turned to catch the glasses and I turned again, but my friend also had disappeared.
I thought: "no, this can't be happening." I turned several times and she appeared again, I was relieved.
- "Want to see some more drawings?" - I asked
- "Of course." - she said smiling

I sitted next to her showing my sketch book (some drawings I never saw). I remember this was a perfect moment, I was in peace (that didn't last long).
I turned the page and I saw a drawing of three men(3 special operations soldiers with gas masks) sitting around a fire. I don't remember this dialog, but I remember I had to excuse myself because it was a belic drawing, and the other drawings were more peace-like, nature and such.

After something I can remember, I had to went out of the building, leaving her alone. I was walking in some kind of chinatown (typical chinese lamps on the doorways and very dark ambient) and when I reached the hearth of this place I decided to go back again to my friend (may be related to the feeling of being unsecure here), i turned to a detour (lol), a very dark alley.

a tall blonde girl was walking in front of me (in this alley), and when I noticed her hair, she turned and said: "NOT THE PURSE! NOT THE PURSE!"
and extending the arm, something got out and made a metallic noise when hitting the walls. It was a small bomb, I ran and screamed loudly then I slipped and fell to the ground.

I woke up paralysed during 1 or 2 seconds.

Notes:
- when my friend was sitting next to me in the 1st scene I could ask myself if it was real or dream(RC), but I concluded it was real, because all my friends and schoolmates were there, everything looked normal.
- The wood was breathtakingly real
- I controled the dreamworld when I though "this can't be happening", the girl reappeared again
- I never saw that blonde in real life. I had 3 times this scene and I escaped the bomb in the other two

2004 addon: the third was the last time I had the scene of the bomb, I still don't know who is the blonde. the metallic sound is the bomb of the alternate fire of the Enforcer in UT 2003 Computer Game ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2802934/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2802934/ Sun, 04 Jul 2004 14:57:25 PDT

OPEN UP YOUR MIND


OPEN UP YOUR MIND


OPEN UP YOUR MIND


OPEN UP YOUR MIND


OPEN UP YOUR MIND ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2761456/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2761456/ Tue, 29 Jun 2004 07:14:15 PDT Your full name:: Pedro Filipe Teixeira Miranda
Age:: 22
Height:: 1.76
Natural hair colour:: Black
Eye colour:: Brown
Number of siblings:: 4
Glasses/contacts?:: glasses
Piercings:: Nope
Tattoos:: Naa
Braces?:: Niet

FAVOURITE
Colour:: Dark Acqua Blue (0%R 50%Green 50%Blue)
Band:: Curve
Song:: At this moment Nightwish - Ghost Love Score
Stuffed animal:: stuffed? NONE! I hate when they are stuffed
Video game:: a LOT! but I would say... Neverwinter Nights or Knights of the Old Republic
TV show:: I don't watch tv, only at dinner time, so my favourite would be the News
Movie:: that's difficult... Matrix?
Book:: Myst: The Book of Ti'Ana
Food:: Turkey Steak(sp?) (Panados Recheados com Peru)
Game on a cell phone:: Snake
CD cover:: Leftfield - Leftism
Flower:: Black Roses
Scent:: Petroil
Animal:: Wild Cats
Comic book:: Spawn
Cereal:: PUF!! e fez-se o Chocapic
Website:: PSIPOG
Cartoon:: probably Garfield

DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: not regularly, but I know a little of Organ or Piano
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: LOL, make that 'computer'
Like to sing?:: Yup
Have a job?:: Nop
Have a cell phone?:: Kinda (Nokia 3210) it still works
Like to play sports?:: I like, sporadically
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: Niet
Have a crush on someone?:: Well... Yeah
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: Portugal
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: Gawd, NO, there's only one
Have any special talents/skills?:: Imagination
Excercise daily?:: Not much (well, not at all)
Like school?:: I Hates Them

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: Yes, not fast thou
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: Yeah....
Speak any other languages?:: Portuguese and English fluently
Go a day without food?:: Yes, if the situation requires
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: I can, but I never do that
Read music, not just tabs?:: I just read the tabs
Roll your tongue?:: Not much
Eat a whole pizza?:: Hmm Yes =]

HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: Nop
Cried to get out of trouble?:: Yes, I think
Gotten lost in your city?:: Yes
Seen a shooting star?:: Yep
Been to any other countries?:: nop...
Had a serious surgery?:: No, but had surgeries though
Stolen something important to someone else?:: I don't remember
Solved a rubiks cube?:: No, I never had one
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: Noo...
Cried over a girl?:: erm, not. I cry for them, not over them
Cried over a boy?:: nop
Kissed a random stranger?:: Nop
Hugged a random stranger?:: Niet
Been in a fist fight?:: Nop
Been arrested?:: Never
Done drugs?:: Nop
Had alcohol?:: Yep
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: nop. but it happened once with a grain of rice
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: lol, never
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: Yes
Swore at your parents?:: Yep
Kicked a guy where it hurts?:: Not that I remember
Been in love?:: Yep
Been close to love?:: Yep
Been to a casino?:: Nope, why do casino attract people anyway?
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: Nope
Broken a bone?:: Nop
Gotten stitches?:: Yep, once, 4 stitches on the head, I hit a wooded trophy stand, guess I was born to win.
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?:: Nope
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: I like milk, but I never drank that much. I would prefer water
Made homemade muffins?:: Nop
Bitten someone?:: Nope
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: Err.. no
More than 5 times?:: Niet
Been to niagra falls?:: Nein
Burped in someones face?:: lol, never


WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: Yesterday
Went to the bathroom:: Yesterday
Saw a movie in theaters:: a long long time ago
Read a book:: a very long long time ago
Had a snow day:: never, in Porto never snows in the proper meaning of the word
Had a party:: I don't remember
Had a slumber party:: never
Made fun of someone:: Last week
Tripped in front of someone:: hmmm, I don't rememb... ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2746880/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2746880/ Sun, 27 Jun 2004 10:58:24 PDT
check this non-lucid one for instance. I forgot to place the date, but it is somewhere in 2003

"I was in a old road, running toward a hideout in some bushes waiting for a battalion of the enemy(nazis), when the last man passed, I ran to him and stole his weapon. I ran away very fast, they were throwing grenades but I could manage to deviate and survive. I reached my very small home - small wooden room with a window.
I picked up the sniper and looked at the sorroundings. It was a dusty scenery, there was a house far and there was grass near my home.

there was a man looking at me with binoculars. I shoted him and gradually more enemies started to show up. I noticed that now I was in the 2nd floor of a big house and my room was some sort of closed mezzanine("varanda" in portuguese), there was one window on the front and one each side.
They kept coming and I kept shooting them(lol), but now the army was mixed between english and french. there were horses that I shot down too. The army looked like those of renassaince.
The French leader stopped in front of my house, but the english one was actively trying to kill me.
In between I said some jokes(I dont remember).

then a voice(?) said that maybe I could change the french mind, but not the english.
I ignored this for a moment and when I tried to shoot the next man, my scope and trigger got broken.
the english threw me a grenade, but I picked it up and threw again down there, I heard the explosion but I didn't saw if it caught anyone.
The english leader went back, a little far from my home.

Finally I could talk in peace with the french leader.
I made a very touching speech (I can't remember right) that ended with : "don't you have pride in being french?" (LOL)
The French agreed with me and the English also accepted peace, seeing that the French also made peace with me.
I came out and they destroyed the bottles(see notes)

NOTES: I had this dream twice in this night. the one I wrote is the second. the first one was smaller and I think I died or got caught.
outside of the big home there were shelves with bottles of good wine that were destroyed in the first dream before the restart of the dream. the second one was far more vivid. said or written language is difficult to remember.
The music I had in mind when I fell asleep was ADF - Enemy of the Enemy" ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2519728/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2519728/ Thu, 27 May 2004 08:57:23 PDT HERE in three sizes: 29"x22" ; 20"x15" and 15"x11" ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2471831/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2471831/ Thu, 20 May 2004 17:45:47 PDT
]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2449738/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2449738/ Mon, 17 May 2004 16:39:27 PDT
Motores Anti Gravíticos

Bem, desta vez vou ser bastante mais sério e não, não vou falar do gato com a torrada agarrada às costas do pobre bixano(a multidão grita "mas funciona, mas funciona"), eu sei que funciona, mas aplicar esse tipo de motor é como girar papeis com a mente, é engraçado mas completamente inútil. E eu não gosto de coisas inúteis... ... ... colou a peta? erm.

Foi anunciado na BBC News que a 'Boing' anda a fumar droga e pegou nos estudos dum russo sobre Anti Gravitação - Yevgeny Podkletnov. Este senhor descobriu em 92 a anti-gravitação por fazer levitar um supercondutor cerámico sobre imans a girar. Este efeito está amplamente aceite pela comunidade cientifica em geral e reduz o peso da peça cerámica em 2%.
A principio ninguem acreditou na treta, os paparazzi do Sunday Telegraph até publicaram um texto antes dele sair e o man mandou retirar o artigo.

A Jane's Defence viu alguns dos documentos do projecto da ekipa da Boing Boing chamada Phantom Works(orientada para propulsão sem combustivel), documentos do projecto GRASP e disse que foi demonstrado que um raio(?) com 10cm tem a habilidade de repelir um objecto a 1 kilómetro de distancia.

Para complementar, a NASA tentou imitar ao fazer a cena da experiencia com o supercondutor de cerámica e num conseguiu, lol. tonis do crg. ainda bem! assim num temos os tonis dos americans a meter o bedelho onde num devem e a dizer que fazem e acontecem (perem lá... a Boing é american? X_x). e o Dr. Podkletnov num está a trabalhar directamente com a Boing. Mas a Boing Boing, tentou contactar directamente o Dr. Podkletnov porque num percebe um corno de superconductores... e imaginem, Moscovo bloqueou todos os contactos com o cientista para impedir que alta tecnologia russa vá parar às mãos dos americans.
Pelos vistos a BAE e a Lockheed Martin tb andam à caça do oiro boador.

Todos os trabalhos que se desenvolveram neste campo devem-se em primeiro lugar a grandes mentes do século XX e que não tiveram aceitação nenhuma como Townsend Brown e Tesla(que teve excelentes trabalhos que fizeram a ciencia dar um salto).

Eu podia tar aki o dia todo. Mas achei interessante ao facto dos tovarichs bloquearem os narizes longos dos americans, e acabei por chegar à conclusão que num sei se isso é bom ou mau. Por um lado, num temos os americans a falar da sua supermacia intelectual, por outro, num temos boa a gente a trabalhar junta e a meter isto prá frente (sinceramente num sei o que é que é melhor, até porque esta tech da pra fazer umas armas muito potentes).
Enquanto num é realidade... fica aqui o sitezinho Anti Gravity Resource Collection ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2434189/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2434189/ Sat, 15 May 2004 11:51:27 PDT

Escrituras Pedidas I - O Paradigma da Torrada Invertida

Com tanta torrada queimada que vai por esse mundo afora decidi inaugurar as Escrituras Pedidas com o velho paradigma da torrada invertida, isto é, a torrada que cai sempre com a manteiga para baixo. Pois, eu hoje vou-vos revelar, meus caros leitores, a verdadeira história da Torrada Invertida.

Ze American Farwest - 1810
Um cowboy feio, porco e mau, com barba a crédito por 30 dias(não tinham inventado a rebarbadeira ainda), entra no saloon e pede ao barman meia de leite e uma torrada bem quente, só com manteiga de um lado (que o cowboy feio porco e mau curtia morfar o pão de fôrma com manteiga só de um lado). Quando aquele belo pequeno almoço chega em bandeja prateada, o gaijo pega na torrada e vai a abrir a boca mas deixa cair a torrada. O rectangulo apetitoso cai com a manteiga para baixo. Foi uma gargalhada do carago. Mas o Murphy... esse não se riu - o Murphy era um índio 'assimilado' pela cultura americana e que todos os dias parava no saloon - O man, para mostrar que é macho, pega outravez na torrada do chão, vai a abrir a boca e deixa cair uma segunda vez. A torrada cai com a manteiga para baixo, sujando os tacos de madeira do chão do saloon. O people continuou às gargalhadas menos o Murphy que estava lá no canto na dele.
- "Porra! Eu já peço manteiga só de um lado que é por causa destas coisas." - disse o cowboy feio, porco e mau.
- "Sempre que uma torrada cai com a manteiga para baixo, um Americano faz merda. E a torrada cai sempre com a manteiga para baixo." - disse Murphy finalmente
- "Sempre?"
- "Sempre."

Durante muito tempo matutei nesta história, mas a sabedoria dos índios nunca falha, e agora revelando o verdadeiro segredo que me foi revelado atravez dum 'elemento' amigo de um 'elemento' que é colega e irmão da irmã que trabalha na casa branca, ele chegou à minha beira e sussurrou-me ao ouvido:
- "O Bush come torradas com manteiga dos dois lados."

Eu pessoalmente acho que esta historia tá uma bela merda, mas para primeiro volume, acho que não tá nada mau. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2381163/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2381163/ Fri, 07 May 2004 18:57:49 PDT ---------------------------

I am resuming my telekinesis training, I stopped for a month and now I'm back in training. Yesterday I shook a marble during various moments but I ended very tired that day, I must stick to meditation and breathing exercices if I don't want to end up with an energetic burnout.
--------------------------

I think I have a stronger faith now. I fully believe in the existence of the Force, but I still don't understand its functioning or what is its exact role in the universe. I came up with 2 exquisite theories.

FIRST (1)
Well, referring once more to my old theory of the instatiation(copy) of the universe, I said that our brain holds a virtual copy of the universe(or things around us). Those things we think and we percieve and information about people and objects, that all together, makes a pretty complex universe inside our brain(that's what I call the 'copy of the universe').

For example, when I refer to the word 'chair', I'm referring to it's concept, I may even think about a specific chair, but that concept is not the real chair in the real world, it's a copy modified by my own perception that is being holded in my memory to be accessed whenever I want.

With this said, my point is: WHAT IF the copy of the universe inside my brain is a REAL universe? (obviously different from the REAL universe we live in). ASSUMING that the superstring quantic theories, that claim that there are zillions of universes that can intersect and influence each other, are correct. Then there is no problem to say that our REAL copy universe in our heads can intersect or influence the REAL universe we live in. Thus explaining telekinesis phenomenons by intent.

confused yet?

------------------------------------
SECOND(2)
this one is alternative to the first, not completing.

If God(s) created us at His(they're) own image (like the beginning of the Genesis book tells us). Humans have a physical body, so when we want to do something we use this body to execute whatever we want... but is probably secure to say that God doesn't have this physical body, so His intent will be made only by the action of the Holy Spirit.
Assuming that the Holy Spirit is the active force that makes things happen, or the intent of God, then I'm forced to believe that the humans also have a sort of Lesser Holy Spirit that is our intent and what make things happen for us. Thus explaining telekinesis and whatnot sort of things, making things happen by spirit, without the aid of the body.

---------------------------------
THIRD(3)
so you want more? ahah, my third (alternative)theory says that every single thing in the universe is made of the same basic energy, if everything is made of the same then there is no difference between me and the rest of the objects. with no differences I can be the object and make it answer to my intention of moving it for example. well it doesn't explain anything, but it surely looks cool.

---------------------------------
CONCLUSION
Einstein once said that what really matters is not the finding but the search. That is tr00 because while we search there is an objective and we have necessity and the power to wonder about almost anything to reach to an objective. The mistery that lies beyond ourselves is what moves us to search and go on, if we suddenly found the answers to everything we would die, there would be no more objectives to search for. I now know that the faith plays a very strong part in everyone of us, as if we were made to have faith, to believe in things that we don't understand and after putting the faith in our hearths and minds we can see the things happening in front of us.

I think that if I knew how the universe and the Force works exactly I couldn't have faith in it and I could never use them anymore. Master Yoda sais "Do or Do Not. There is no Try." Do something or dont, don't 'think' you can do it(Matrix?), just do it (Nike?), trying is admiting the possibility of failure.
Jesus Christ said to Peter when both were walking over the water and when Peter was almost reaching Jesus he started drawing, then Jesus grabbed him and said "You of little faith, why have you give in to doubt?"

It's far more easier to talk than to execute it, because our subconscious seems to cement over things that happen in our earlier days of life: if we passed our childhood seeing teaspoons falling to the ground then our subconscious will always have thi... ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2172447/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2172447/ Wed, 07 Apr 2004 14:51:38 PDT
1st - the universe has the shape of a european soccer ball (is Figo god? lol), seriously, it can be a dodecahedron.
2nd - our three dimensional conception of the world is only part of the surface of the universe ball.
3rd - like every ball, if you part from somewhere and go in straight line, at some time you will reencounter the place you departed, but at a diferent time.
4th - There are infinite physical constructions above and below the ones that are known to us < fractal theory. meaning that our universe can be a particle of a greater universe and our particles can be universes themselves.

well, just kidding. the only point that I would like to be serious about is point number 2. ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2089683/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/2089683/ Fri, 26 Mar 2004 14:41:43 PST Your 76 deviations were viewed 15,704 times, with 3,078 fullsize views.
Overall, people left 865 comments and added your deviations to their favourites 87 times.
Your most commented deviation was Sky is The Limit with 63 comments, while your most favourited one was Sky is The Limit with 21 favourites.
Average comments per deviation: 11.38
Average favourites per deviation: 1.14
1 Favourites were given for every 10 Comments
Every 12 days you upload a new deviation, and you uploaded 21% (16) of your deviations on Fridays, while your favorite time of the day during the week to upload is at 10 PM with 12 deviations.
Your busiest month was August 2002 with 7 (9%) deviations.

Stats provided by ~micahgoulart @ Ingenial.com [link] ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1979133/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1979133/ Tue, 09 Mar 2004 06:59:57 PST Curve - Cotton Candy

Suck my time, my energy
You can be the enemy

Cotton Candy Liberty(2x)

You're in charge of all you see
But it isn't me that has to believe
So save yourself instead of me
Show me who you really are

Cotton Candy Liberty(4x)

I'm not surprised at who you are
Maybe we could go really far
Cos I'm living in a place
You don't understand
I'm living in a space
That you don't command
Playing out my life
Free from harmful thought
Looking right and left
So I don't get caught

Suck my time, my energy
You can be the enemy

Cotton Candy(4x)

You're in charge of all you see
But it isn't me
Cos I'm living in a place
You don't understand
I'm living in a space
That you don't command
Playing out my life
Free from harmful thought
Looking right and left
So I don't get caught ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1931605/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1931605/ Mon, 01 Mar 2004 06:18:25 PST listening: Oratory - Beyond Earth

Since I wrote the 3rd chapter of "March of the Dragon - New Gaia", one tought remained in my head for several days:

"not peace... but union."
think about the peacekeeping operations in our world... they send in military and diplomats. Well I don't, wouldn't be easier to set aside differences? Is it really necessary an extraterrestrial attack or worldwide calamity to produce real union in human race?

well, even with an alien attack I don't believe the humans would unite to make one force. there would be the ones who would give up at the begining, the ones who joined forces with the aliens, the ones who would hide(probably the only ones who would survive) and the ones who would fight for their planet. If these people would be devided in equal parts, only 1/4 of the humans would fight for their planet.





NONSENSE ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1910922/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1910922/ Thu, 26 Feb 2004 16:02:29 PST Curve - Some Good Some Bad
experimenting: pixel art, physics simulations and character animation with 3dsmax6, qi gong(chi kung)

I accomplished yesterday my first ragdoll simulation with 3dsmax. I sense a very strong feeling of completeness while I have done nothing really important and probably no one gives a damn about ragdolls and physical constraints, but Its cool.
the final animations has aproximatly 10 seconds and is a character taking a hit from a box and falling from some blocks, it's looks quite realistic and very funny.

A friend of mine is coding a 2d downscroller game for presenting in a demo scene party, I'm making the graphics, it's really kewl to do pixel art ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1876285/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1876285/ Fri, 20 Feb 2004 06:02:56 PST meditative
playing Ravi Shankar - Mahaa Mrityunjaya

"the men with the sword, the children playing, the people walking, that's too many minds."





----- N0 M1ND ----- ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1797099/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1797099/ Thu, 05 Feb 2004 07:24:49 PST Dead Can Dance - Cantara

recommended old sound ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1778845/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1778845/ Sun, 01 Feb 2004 17:14:08 PST ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1774159/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1774159/ Sat, 31 Jan 2004 19:57:50 PST I need shields, anything said/done will work, will work, will work... shields ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1740788/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1740788/ Sun, 25 Jan 2004 17:45:54 PST ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1729654/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1729654/ Fri, 23 Jan 2004 14:07:23 PST
I don't know what to write.........

"The things we do to the people that we love
the way we break, is it something we can't take
destroy the world that we took so long to make" ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1711114/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1711114/ Tue, 20 Jan 2004 08:42:43 PST
this concept can be extended. So I believe that making hypnosis to change something inside someone's mind may be an error. Human mind is a system, and if you change anything inside the mind without acctually knowing what you're doing, than be prepared for the answer of the system trying to be balanced, which can be rather unpredictable.

just ramblings... ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1642049/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1642049/ Wed, 07 Jan 2004 07:10:33 PST [link] for the first part

The Loss of Earth (more than 7006 years ago)

They were already here... the reptiles! The earth governments were corrupted by empty promises of power coming from the reptiles. And they governed behind secret societies, the men obeyed to them without questioning. It was the start of the downfall of the Earth. I don't know exactly what was the year or month, it was so fast!
The reptiles and their friends already had bases: one in Texas, one in the middle of Australia, one in the Gobi Desert, one in England. Those are at least the ones I know of. Then, they parked their giant motherships in the orbit of the Earth. Some people were worshipping them, others were afraid and told everybody that they have bad intention.

Then without any warning, they started the attacks. Human governments realizing what they have done, started a scramble attack, but it was too late and our technology couldn't withstand that from the reptiles. So, some scientists revealed hidden technologies, which were concealed for almost 100 years: to able to travel in space with only electromagnetic fields, no fuel, no engines. the body of the ships were in metal all around and to take off needed only an initial electric charge.

The ships were built but the reptiles destroyed them with thousands of settlers inside, when they were leaving the orbit of the earth. The hope was fading... but a small group of strange characters emerged from secret places: The Nordics. Tall men and women with almost white eyes and blonde hair appeared and delivered plans for a escape, they seemed to know everything about the reptiles.

According to those plans, the archeological site of Bayan Kara Ula in China must be taken from the hands of the reptiles which was done with many sacrifices. Inside a tunnel in Bayan Kara Ula there was a strange wall, the Nordics placed some stones in pedestals and with sunlight coming from the holes in the cieling they started to tremble, and the strange wall opened to reveal a spaceship with thousands of years under the earth. They got the remainder of mankind inside the collossal ship.

There were any visible way of travelling out of this underground hangar, but after the doors were closed and the engines started, the ship phased out of the planet without really travelling, it was like a teleportation! The Nordics were with us and they were the key to mankind's survival, but we lost the Earth and 2/3 of the people in it, including all my family.

After a while, we have reached a small planet which we called New Gaia [link] and a new history of mankind has begun.

Journal of Jack Blake in New America's Library ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1622701/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1622701/ Sat, 03 Jan 2004 06:32:15 PST
History of New Gaia
New Gaia is a small planet with a stable atmosphere that makes the air breathable, there is only one main continent with very large plains and very long canyons where rivers pass and feed the earth from below, around this continent which people call Flatland with many islands of variable size around, the biggest of them on the north and south poles. There is plenty of vegetation, the most peculiar tree is the Layel which is the tree with the longest roots of all, reaching several hundreds of meters in depth, the success of this specie is the spear-like trunk that perforates through the earth until it reaches the surface. The land animals are mainly herbivores, and the birds are mainly carnivores. The most feared bird is the Giant Guasterno, with its gryphon appearance and with almost 5 meters of span in his long feathered wings.

New Gaia has 2 very small moons and is part of a system with only 2 planets, the inhabited planet itself and a deserted gas giant called Viacan, similar to the long forgotten Jupiter. The orbit of New Gaia is very low in eccentricity around the Sirius Alpha star, which is a bluish white large star, which causes a very exotic purple sunset and blue nights. Viacan, otherwise, is more eccentric and a part of its orbit it’s so distant from the star that makes it impossible to sustain human life. Viacan can be seen from New Gaia every 304 gaian years (1 gaian year = 480 gaian days = 22 hours). Humans only established two seasons: the Garthel and the Harthel. Garthel is a warmer season and Harthel is colder, the seasons change at day 1 and at day 240.

Humans have landed on New Gaia and 600 years have passed. History of the older Earth still lingered in human’s minds and a planetary government has been established, and they lived in peace for 2900 years, gradually the corruption and crime took place and various groups of people started to claim independent lands for them. A world war has happened once again. The original ship that contained the last breath of the Earth has been the destroyed in selfish acts of violence. Our specie was once again in danger, I don’t know how could we live so long if we continued to destroy ourselves with this fanatical fervor. Against all odds, Technology and Society have developed at a very fast rate in those 100 years of chaos. Year 3604th(Pioneer Calendar) since the initial landing, this year marked a new calendar called Jupiter Calendar(1 JC). Good oriented investigators, found evidence of extraterrestrial life and the alert of a near invasion made everyone much less violent with their brothers in specie. Peace making groups now flourished everywhere in Flatland, the other extremists and more violent societies were thrown into the islands and were called the Border Islands, free to do whatever they want as long as they didn’t come to the main continent. Finally, the continent ended with 4 large kingdoms:
Kingdom of Sirius
The United Lands
Jupiter Reign
Kingdom of Chasmland

Peace was established once more and they continued to improve greatly for the remainder of the years, we are now on 3402 JC(Jupiter Calendar). Minor incidents happened every now and then but nothing that could change the course of humanity.
The average New Gaian at the present day has the size of the ancestor humans, but is less stronger, the skin can be light or dark, most of the times has a characteristic bluish tone, the hair ranges from brick browns and blondes to pastel greens or pastel purples. Some scientists believe that the people with green or purple hair have an extremely developed mind. These people don’t need to be trained to possess certain abilities like telepathy or psychokinesis, they can do it naturally since they born.
---------------------------------------- ----------------------------- ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1612709/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1612709/ Thu, 01 Jan 2004 07:29:54 PST
As a result of 2002's managment course... well there were no result at all, the search for a job was unfruitfull and I entered 2003 with my parents inside my ears saying the usual bla bla bla "you can't do nothing" , "the computer is destroying your life" , "you have to do something"... bla bla bla.

well I can send the one-year course of 2002 down the hole because it didn't help me find a job. My March of 2003 I was already tired of searching newspapers, then in April "Alquimia da Cor" called me for a half-year course of digital imagem production. I already knew that these types of education courses wouldn't take me to the market... but I accepted it, It was sponsored anyway, I had nothing to loose. I met some people, older ones than those I met in 2002. older and more stressed (well they were all unimployed). It was quite different, not individually speaking, but the mood of the whole, as if the class and the teachers were one organism, it was different; less playful, or at least playful in a different way, less healthy.
I ended this course in October and instead of searching for jobs, I decided to make my own job. That what I'm going to do aaaaaal byyyyy myyyself, lol.

I learned that the behaviour of a group of indivuals is determined by the most charismatic person(s) in that group. To make a group harmony it is also necessary cooperation of course, not just charisma, but it surely helps. But the charisma works for the good as it works for the bad. things like sarcasm is highly contagious, and it is not good for a cohesive group.

I could say that 2001 was an awful year; 2002 was a goodyear(like the tires); 2003 was a zen year, I didn't do nothing, I watched, I learned, I didn't do good things nor bad things.

I forsee that 2004 will be a turning year, decisive to my life. and I make 22 years of life. 22 had always been a strangely familiar number to me....
till the next time ]]> ~xeoncat http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1590507/ http://xeoncat.deviantart.com/journal/1590507/ Sat, 27 Dec 2003 13:24:15 PST
01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love Mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have Myst books.
06. I once hit a trophy stand with my head. 2 points stiched
07. I love playing video games
08. I'm attracted to women with broad general culture.
09. I read about supernatural things when I wasn't supposed to read
10. My parents don't care about what I read
11. I like felines
12. I love insects
13. I have black hair (one is white)
14. I like good anime, but I don't see much
15. People are cool, animals are cooler
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last years
17. I like imersion baths
18. I love to learn, but I hate schools
19. I'd love to have a sword
20. I'm intelligent, but I have medium wisdom.
21. I've never broken any bones in my body.
22. I have lots of secrets.
23. I never go to bed before midnight
24. I've lied, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad.
25. I love mankind, but I love some women more than normal
26. My cat is called Nisa
27. I love fiction
28. I'd like to be famous
29. I am a wanderer
30. I wear stylish glasses
31. I'd like to be perfect
32. I have potential for more
33. Teachers dislikes me usually.
34. My eyes are brown and deep
35. I would like to have a personal angel
36. I like jeans
37. I like to do peacekeeping between people
38. I can heat my hands by thinking in them
39. I hate big dogs who like to lick everything in the way
40. I don't like teen movies
41. I'm a medium drawer, I wish I could draw better
42. I'm pure Portuguese (not pure northern thou)
43. I love dark wave and alternative music
44. I like pieces of art made with strong meanings
45. I love soup
46. I can say some phrases from the Matrix
47. I can spin a piece of paper on a pin with my mind
48. I spend much time on the computer (gladly, my parents don't do nothing about it, they just ramble)
49. I think much about the construction of the universe and its inhabitants
50. I dislike magic
51. I love chocolate and cookies
52. I am original most of the times, but everything I do is based on what I already saw
53. I like to be ... different
54. I'd like to have super powers and be eternal (probably an elf)
55. I wanted a home just for me
56. I don't care about what happens to people when they(or I) die
57. sometimes I'm random, sometimes complexity lies in chaos
58. MAGIC COOKIES!!! (I invented a recipe called that)
59. I'm not egocentric really
60. I love math and physics, I don't understand half of what I should understand
61. I love to write
63. I love bolognese spaggetti
64. I have a dream journal (in which I don't write for a long time)
65. I like exercise but I'm too lazy to do it every day
66. My favorite color is dark aqua blue
67. I like to wear long coats
68. I love gloves
69. My sleep is generaly restless
70. I have problems in expression, the best way to express myself is to write
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this
73. I am online a lot
74. I like brainstorming
75. I am virgin
76. I'm too nice to hit someone
77. I like to read, but I can't read everything I see
78. my subconscious is driven mainly by resistence
79. I dislike machism and homosexualism
80. I live in a large family
81. I love all my family members but I'm too cold to express it
82. I'm scared of mad humans
83. I trying to develop a 6th sense, which is unnatural in me
84. I like portuguese history, I dislike the current state of the country
85. I sometimes don't think at all
86. I never excuse myself with the actions made from others
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little (I still want.... funny, heh)
88. I like listening to the rain
89. I believe...
90. My hair short and most of the days, straight
91. I'm disorganized
92. I don't like spicy food
93. When I was a little boy, I was used to talk to myself (insane)
94. My brain can't conclude if I am pretty or ugly
95. I am very lazy
96. I don't doubt from people, except if I caught them doing something to make me think that
97. I like to mess around people's head
98. I'm afraid of heights
99. I'm very flexible (mind-flexible)
100. I hate racists and sexists with a passion

-----------------
altered version of a stolen journal, lol ]]> ~xeoncat