http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xxJessykinsxx&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xxJessykinsxx en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 22 Dec 2009 23:27:29 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/29117688/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/29117688/ Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:54:59 PST
For the last two days I've been getting yelled at, mocked, made fun of and had my self-esteem kicked down a few notches. I know I shouldn't really let those people I'll never see again get to me. But these last two days have been a living nightmare. Yesterday as soon as I walked into work I was mocked and yelled at. I was argued with and talked down to. I've spent these last two days behind the counter dealing with this shit because all the other cashiers decided to run off and leave me stranded. The only one I can count on, it seems, is Lloyd.

I'm so sick of being the punchline to all of my General Manager's jokes. Especially in front of customers. The only one that I don't mind picking on me is Brian. But that's because I've known him and he doesn't mean it. I know if I need an ear to chew he's there if he can be. I don't know. We could pretty much be siblings, so we bicker and joke and act like it. I don't care if Lloyd picks on me either. But when Shane picks on me, it's nearly hurtful. God! When did this job get shitty? I don't even want to go to work tomorrow. I'd rather just stay home and away from civilization for the duration of this crazy holiday.

I'm sick of Christmas Carols and Decorations and shopping and the "What to get whos". All I want for Christmas is a family gathering where it can be fun and memory-making. Where I can take awesome pictures and say "Yeah, that was a good Christmas" Rather than passive agressive drive-way shoveling. Silent treatment cookie days. And orders being given to me. What the heck?! Where's my Charles Dickens Cratchett Family Christmas? That's all I want. All I ever wanted.

Maybe I am too old-fashioned. Maybe I read too much or watch too many old movies.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/29032922/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/29032922/ Sat, 19 Dec 2009 05:08:00 PST
[link]

Winter is here, at least it might be a white Christmas. I should probably get some breakfast... I'm hungry.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28777246/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28777246/ Sat, 05 Dec 2009 23:24:49 PST
Ugh!!

Not to be an emo kid but...

....why me?!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28606746/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28606746/ Fri, 27 Nov 2009 09:35:09 PST
I came home and had left overs and watched "Jeff Dunham Show" with my dad before I came upstairs and got lost in the World of Warcraft. My character hit 80, this makes me happy.

Being that it was my second holiday working, Shane claims he's going to give me christmas off. Well then, I'm sure he won't mind if I take Christmas Eve AND Christmas off. I'm tired of working when my family misses me.

Tomorrow is my birthday! I'm excited. and I are going to the movies with a few other people. We're going to see "New Moon". She said it was amazing. Last weekend we went bowling for the first time since last year and actually had a blast! There was no drama, no lies, no deceit, nothing. It was genuinely an awesome time. I have pictures, but I just haven't uploaded them yet. ><' epic fail.

So that's all for now. Got to go haggle my car payment.

Later kids.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28288423/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/28288423/ Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:16:17 PST
Sometimes I wonder if I'd been born in the wrong era. I love the class and the suspense of forties movies. Dancing in nightclubs with an elegant man in a gorgeous ball gown and catching a dinner show preformed by Rita Hayworth or Judy Garland. Forties Hollywood never looked more appealing. But maybe that's just me and the musings of a cashier caught in a rut and wanting so much more but getting so little. Big dreams on a minimum wage paycheck.

My History Professor was talking about life on a minimum wage paycheck yesterday. How hard it was for some people, like he'd just discovered it. I told him that I live that life day to day, paycheck to paycheck, that's why I'm putting myself into more debt and going to college. I want to better myself. To be an author and a historian. But I'm in such a funk I can't seem to get anything on paper. Nothing but notes on 1800s Canada or 1600s China. I want to be able to see myself better in ten years ... but all I see is fog.

I don't know, I'm probably thinking too much again.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27897214/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27897214/ Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:01:18 PDT
I almost had to punch a guy tonight. I don't know what's the matter with me. I don't know if it's because I'm stuck in a rut, or I'm bored or not happy... I don't know. Some guy tried to come after me and Wendy tonight because of the CAT scales.

Every eighteen-wheeler has to have a gross weight of under 80,000. If it's over that, they'll get fined by DOT. And from what I understand, the fines are brutal. As long as your under that set limit, you're fine. A first weigh is nine bucks, a reweigh is a dollar.

Well, the guy apparently had weighed this morning. Granted, he's not even in a big truck, just a pick-up towing a trailer. That was all. We asked for information from his first weigh ticket and he started cussing us out! It's what we HAVE to do. It's what that system REQUIRES to work as expected. We told him that. When I got on the speaker to tell him, he was gone and coming into the store. I called the manager and had him come out while this guy yelled at me and Wendy. Brian even came out of the back to make sure we were okay. I was so sick of him yelling at us and cussing at us, I told him: "Here's the manager, sir, have a nice fucking day" and I went in the back to try and cool my temper. No one berated me for it, no one threatened to write me up. Nothing. Bud even said I did the right thing.

Then, not even five minutes later, another guy started yelling at me. I was ready to throw in the towel at six-thirty and just leave. Get in my car and go home. I called my awesome friend Brad in California state... (yeah, the state) and vented to him over the phone. He told me to grow a pair of balls and stand up for myself. Maybe he's right. I get angry and I cry. Because I can't find it in myself to yell back. It's so annoying and pitiful and I can't break it.

It could have been bad because I'm tired. I've been pulling some late nights with my nose in my history book lately to get my head above water. I'm changing my major to History on Tuesday. Why go for a degree in writing when I break all the rules anyway? If I'm made to write, I'd probably stop and I don't want to give that up. Writing and WoW are my antidrugs lol.

Later guys.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27671906/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27671906/ Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:22:38 PDT
"Sleepy hollow"? Check.
"Nightmare Before Christmas"? Check.
"Shutter"? Hell yes!
Dad's "Alfred Hitchcock" movies? Indeed.

Oh. Off to watch Scary movies with the crew. Because we are awesome enough to be called "The Crew."

let the weekend begin!!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27605985/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27605985/ Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:50:56 PDT
After the Castle we headed to Demon House. Okay, I remember last year, I remember how crazy it was. But honestly, I was still terrified going in there. I was hoping I didn't have to threaten to punch a clown in the face this time. But, I didn't. Of course, they scared us so bad by the time we got out we wanted to go back in and bust them up. Haha! They didn't have an Exorcist room - which is points on their part because I would have told them to lead me out and let me wait for my friend outside. But they had a crazy child room. The robotic kid in the rocking chair looked so freaking real! And the other girl they had in there was creepy as hell. The clowns didn't bother me at all. I was actually admiring the posters of crazy clowns they had on the wall as we hurried through. I didn't like the labyrinth. Lols! No, if Jareth was in it, that would have been a totally different story. LMAO! Dance magic dance.

Sunday was the last day of Ren Faire. I went to say my goodbyes to road rennies. I kind of cried a little bit actually. I miss working at the faire, but at the same time, I don't. I liked being a patron. But I would have liked to spend more time with the rennies. I got henna again and had my hair braided. I picked up a new tail that I want to wear with my horns on Halloween. Because I want to dress up so badly. I love Halloween, I'm not going to lie. Always have.

Tonight, after I reserved my copy of the new WoW expansion (Lame). Cassie and I hung out at Starbucks for the first time in almost three years. It was really nice. We talked about faire and halloween and all kinds of crazy stuff. We are pregaming Halloween hard core this weekend.

Laters for now, kids!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27483083/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/27483083/ Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:43:35 PDT
Fall's coming and I can feel it. The air is crisper and it's getting colder at night. I felt it yesterday in the breeze, it was warm in the sun and cold in the shade. Hoodie weather has returned to Southwest Pennsylvania. The leaves are starting to change. And the Forks-like weather must be driving die-hard Twilight fangirls crazy!

School is going okay for the most part. Though I think if my professor spent more time teaching us the material rather than trying to diagnose why we aren't learning it, I'd be making better headway. As it is now I have to take my notebook and text to work tonight to try and make sense of the last three chapters we had supposedly covered - yet no one knows? Hm. Granted he's a good guy and I like him a lot. He's funny and down to earth, but he's also a teacher. So teach me something. What a thought! His notes are all scattery so he's hard to follow. I don't know. I'm sure I'll figure it out enough to keep my head above water. I know, it's one class, shouldn't be that overwhelming, but it's the way the class is presented that has me scratching my red head.

I've been up to The Woods. I had some chicken with Digger. I miss him. I guess he's been depressed a lot. Well, yeah, it's coming up on two or three years since cancer took his wife. And stress at work isn't making things easier. I guess they keep raising count but not hiring anyone. He had a small stroke, which broke my heart and reminded me just how old my Digger is. Art was back. I saw him and hugged him. We talked for awhile before I had to leave. Jim in Sides gave me a bunch of Justin's old crap he had left in the drawer in his desk. I'm not sure why he gave it to me... but he did. Last weekend was Justin's birthday and I forgot all about it until a day or so later. I say that's a definite recovery of sorts. Sure, I miss him, but it doesn't hurt as bad anymore. Go me, right? Yeah.... anyway...

Sorry for the rambles. But like I said, my brains have been scattered a lot.

Till next time, Stay Classy DA.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26973018/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26973018/ Wed, 02 Sep 2009 08:14:07 PDT
I had to work two extra hours last night. On top of being cashier-girl, maintenance-girl, and everything-else-girl and walking around campus yesterday; if my knee could talk - it would cuss me out. My class this semester seems pretty cool. Dr. Madden seems like a really cool professor. I also picked up an online music class to appease my financial aid. I went to have lunch with a friend from my English class last semester, Vic. He's a cool guy. Then we caught up with a couple of his friends and walked around Campus. We sat beneath a tree and just talked. It was nice and I hope I get to do it again.

Well, I have to print stuff for school, get a shower and go to work.... meeeh....

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26844403/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26844403/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 19:37:42 PDT
I play "World of Warcraft". By one or two in the morning I shut it off especially when I have to work early. But even when I've turned it off and got all settled to sleep ... something keeps my mind awake. I start counting cieling tiles... I nearly started naming all ninety of them this last time.

Saturday I'm dogsitting for my Aunt and Uncle. So, naturally, I feel like my bar of expectation has been raised. I feel like I always have to impress them, otherwise they pick on me. They love my sister, though. But my sister doesn't live close anymore, so they had to ask me. I've dogsitted for them before and it's really not that big of a deal. But never for two weeks. I go this saturday and don't come home till September 12. I'll be on myspace and DeviantArt, but I can't play WoW. I'll go through withdraw. haha.

Sometimes I feel like the town recluse. All I do is work, I don't do anything extreme and crazy, unless it's getting lost in Pittsburgh... which I hate. I'm the homebody that takes care of the house for her parents while they work. No wonder I can't get a boyfriend...haha... at least a substantial one anyway.

I start school on Monday. I don't have my books yet. I haven't been able to get to Cal. I only have one class this time. It should be easier on me working and going to school at the same time. Not like my last semester... which I barely passed and got through. School full time and work full time doesn't mix well. There were nights where I went to school from four to nine, go home, turn around and go to work till six in the morning, go home, sleep... do chores and do it all again. I can't believe I even had a social life. I don't know. Maybe I'm only rambling.

Well. I'll write later.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26771853/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26771853/ Sun, 23 Aug 2009 10:00:38 PDT Patrick: *blank stare*
Me: You know at the end of every "GI Joe" episode there was a life lesson where they say "Knowing is half the battle"
Patrick: I never watched "GI Joe"
Me: *gasssp* what kind of a man ARE you?! Even I watched "GI Joe"!
Patrick: I'm only a man on the outside.

Uber lols! He's hilarious!

Off to grams...

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26756831/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26756831/ Sat, 22 Aug 2009 14:58:10 PDT
]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26501225/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26501225/ Mon, 10 Aug 2009 09:14:14 PDT
Thursday was wonderful, he met my friends - Kt and Cassie - and made him laugh so much. I went to work the next day and was thanked by his mother, whom I work with. She told me that it was what he needed and kept bragging about me to anyone who would listen. I just hid behind my hair to try and disguise the blush in my cheeks. Friday we got together again and played Rock Band... I'm actually good at singing and drumming... not so much guitar - so I apologized profusely when we failed songs. haha. After that we watched "Role Models" than my friend and I sat outside and talked till two in the morning.

We hung out again Saturday night and I didn't get home till four-thirty Sunday morning. Thankfully I was off. My mom wasn't pleased at the time I rolled in, but I didn't care. I had had fun and that was all that matter.

Thank you for a wonderful Saturday Night.

Lates!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26108669/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/26108669/ Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:01:33 PDT
He stopped texting me, stopped talking to me, stopped looking at me. He made every excuse possible not to go out when I asked him to. He deleted me and Katie from his myspace. It was as if he made me feel like some stalker chick, when in fact, he had asked me out. He didn't let me know what was going on, total communication shut down. Like someone who'd pulled the plug on a toaster before a poptart was getting ready to emerge from it's warm and toasty depths. Like I was some face in the crowd, not the girl he'd been after for nearly a month. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks when I tried readding him to my myspace. He'd had me blocked. Which left me to wonder, what the hell had I done? What the hell didn't he like after all? Were my kisses too bad? I know for a fact I'm a good kisser, but there's always a critic in every live studio audience. The one person in the silence that "boos" at a joke.

It was a real self-esteem dropper. I don't have high self esteem as it is anyway. Sure I've got a little confidence, but it's hard for me to be blunt about certain things. I don't like causing a scene, I like it behind the scenes.

Maybe he just couldn't handle that. The fact that I'm a country-ish girl with a love of writing, messenger bags and new notebooks. A girl that would probably go to Eat n Park dressed in black pants, a red and black checkered, studded belt. Perhaps a red and black t-shirt and a Micheal Jackson-esque Fedora. Not to cause a scene, but to let myself out a little in my clothing. Like most artists I know. I'm not a hip-hop girl, but I like the music. Not quite a country girl, either, but that simple country lifestyle appeals to me. I'm not a hard-core art student, but writing is my art. Not an emo kid, but nothing really illustrates a bad mood like screaming hard rock. Not a total geek, but one that loves playing "World of Warcraft" and participating in uber leet raids. I thought guys liked girls who weren't afraid to be who they are. Or does that intimidate them? I don't want to be intimidating. I only want to be me.

With water dripping down my face from the shower over my head, I thought about Justin. How could I not in a time like this? He seemed to be the only guy I knew and cared about that liked me for who I was. Who made it a point to read my writing and leave little letters of support between the lined pages of my notebook. He defended me from insults and jokes with me as the punchline. Stood up for me when I had a hard time doing it myself. My best friend and boyfriend in one freckle-specked package. If only we'd met before he'd met that ... thing ... he's with now. I'd bet he'd be happier. Bet I'd be, too.

But really, in the great scheme of things, could there be a reason I'm having a hard time finding someone after him? Why no possible relationships since that crazy thing Justin and I had ever worked? Or is there some crazy alien altering time and giggling like a naughty school boy who just put gum in a little girl's hair?

I'm betting on the alien.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25649889/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25649889/ Tue, 30 Jun 2009 11:35:51 PDT
I *heart* Duo. lol

Work now.

Lates.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25541015/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25541015/ Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:57:04 PDT
Voodoo Pirate is not Amused.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25318775/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25318775/ Sun, 14 Jun 2009 22:24:00 PDT
All is peaceful in Pilot town.

An ear piece in her ear and a mic attached to her stunningly fashionable blue Pilot polo; she hobbles up to the register on a painful twisted knee to take care of the customers and their smiling faces. But hark, what's this she hears in her ear? A little bird called "manager" telling her to relay information to the driver waiting on his phone. She puts a hand to her ear piece and listens intently to make sure she gets the words right. The little redhead goes to speak.

"Why don't you let me pay for my coffee."

Says a local. At her register is the two locals from the coffee pots. A male and female. (A female... might this humble author add... that's twice the size of the redhead... this will be relevant later in the entry.) Both locals have coffee and they ask for cigarettes. Bound by the whim of her customers, the sore, tired redhead hobbles down to get their Newports and Basics. She hobbles back and rings them up as she is supposed to and always does. The total is $23.66. For four packs of cigarettes in Pennsylvania, that's the running price. The redhead offers them her friendly smile and a "Have a nice night" and is satisfied that the customers are happy. Making the outstanding customer service wings pinned to her collar very proud.

The redhead turns to the driver on his phone and tries to relay from memory what her manager had said. Thankful to hear the creak of the office door as her hard nosed manager comes out to rescue her. But wait... the two locals are back. The manager comes behind the desk with the redhead, who is pleasantly waiting on other customers - tired drivers, cigarette smokers and the like.

The two locals claim the redhead had ripped them off for their cigarettes. Appalled, all she can do is stand there with her mouth open. A look of disbelief and insult washing over her face. She had done nothing wrong. The manager breaks down the math for the two. Seemingly satisfied they start to walk out. But not yet, as they pass; they call the redhead a fat cow, a bitch who was on her cell phone, supposedly. A fat ass who can't do her job. Anger flashes across the redheads face at the false allegations. Unable to speak her mind in her own defense, her anger comes out as tears. The manager speaks on her behalf, so do the truck drivers in the store. Ganging up on the two locals and sticking up for the redhead. The redhead's hands become fists of fury and she wants so badly to lay the abnormally large local woman out. Wanting to send her home with a broken nose and black eye. But she restrains herself.

They start insulting the manager, getting into his face for sticking up for his only cashier at the time. The redhead behind the desk has flashbacks of a woman similar to this one. One that took away her happiness a few months ago; happiness that had been in the form of a handsome Irish boy with freckles and eyes that can't decide between green and blue. In a brief moment, the redhead wonders if this bitch and that one were related.

The locals tell her manager that he needs a real job. Claiming that she had a real job, when asked she replied. "I'm a counselor." With insults still flying, the two locals get thrown out of the store. The redhead, despite her angry tears, keeps smiling at other customers coming to pay for their things. She walks back and forth behind the counter when the customers leave, feeling no pain in her knee because of her angry adreneline. When finally being able to clock out and go home, she is more than ready. Hobbling to her Ford ZX2, she gets in and drives home... her music loud and thinking... it's not the truck drivers that she needs to be concerned about, it's the locals.

(true story, you can't make this shit up.)

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25269348/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25269348/ Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:49:33 PDT
]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25207889/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25207889/ Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:58:04 PDT
But it wasn't as if I didn't have anything to fall back on. Though the month reprieve of doing nothing but housework for my mom was nice; I've been in the works with the General Manager of Pilot to get my job back there. I was going for maintenance. I don't mind it. But instead - though they'll probably utilize my previous skills anyway - I scored my cashier job back. I work daylight, no more overnights. I've had my fill, I'm done. It's sort of like a reunion tour! Me, Becky, Carmen and Glen. Glen - however - doesn't know that I'm not a cog in the Pilot Machine, so he's in for a surprise when he comes back from vacation. Mwa-haha!

Between pwning noobs on World of Warcraft and trying to keep my sanity, nothing much else has been going on. I've been making it a weekly tradition to get to a Pens Game at Teddy's and visiting Katie and Char at Eat 'n' Park on Fridays. I've been trying to get up to The Woods when I can to have lunch with the guys. I was up there last week, actually, eating with Digger and Floyd.

My car is getting the oil changed and the exhaust looked at. The oil change, I'm not worried about, it's the exhaust that scares me. But it's probably something stupid. At least I hope. I actually LIKE my Ford. He's filthy, but he's the best car ever.

I'm an always amazed about riding my dad's motorcycle. Today was the first time this year I've been on it. Of course, it rained, but I still enjoyed my self. Torn ACL and all, I got on that bike and felt a sense of freedom. The kind of freedom you can sometimes feel on the back of a horse.

I have quite a decision to make. As I mentioned, I have a torn ACL in my left knee. I'm trying to decide whether to get surgery and get it fixed, or just deal. It doesn't hurt much now, but of course I don't have my knee bent too far back or straightened too far out. I have a limp I can't seem to get rid of. But I can hide it really well. But there is also the fact that the doctor said it would be best for me to get it done now, than to wait. My mom and Grams say to deal. Dad, Cassie, Char and Katie say to get the surgery. But it's a feat for me to go to the doctor, that and I don't know if school's insurance will cover it. I don't know. It's been stirring in the back of my brain. Well, at any rate, everything will work out.

Time to get rid of my headache now. Goodnight everyone!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25007225/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/25007225/ Thu, 28 May 2009 23:23:43 PDT
]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24831483/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24831483/ Mon, 18 May 2009 22:18:46 PDT
I almost quit my job today, and I still might. I applied down at Pilot to get my cashier job back there. I've been made fun of at GetGo. I'm tired of having to defend myself everytime I go to work. The first time was a couple kids who were making fun of me because I asked for the one's ID before he could get cigarettes. They next was this guy who was making fun of me because I was on crutches. I told him to pay for his shit and get out of my store. I'm sick of having to do that.

I'd go back to the Woods in a heartbeat. I miss that place and everyone in it. I don't care if I see ghosts and feel a little nostalgic for my time hanging out with Justin and Gerald. Regardess of all that Justin said to me, I miss his smartass comments and his friendship. I miss Gerald, too.

I'm lonely, I'm miserable and I really hate everything going on in my life right now.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24662862/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24662862/ Sat, 09 May 2009 04:27:40 PDT
]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24590236/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24590236/ Mon, 04 May 2009 18:40:17 PDT
]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24421413/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24421413/ Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:47:55 PDT
"Where's Nancy?"

Well, even superheroes need a day off.

"Can I get a pack 'a..."

No, you may not and you can also stop smoking it's bad for your health. If you even care about that, but my guess is you don't because you're drunk and peeling out of my parking lot. AFTER I warned you about cops running around.

"I need a wild apple blunt..."

You bastard. Just by cigarette papers to roll your effin' weed in! Stop making me climb on the counter to get your blunts... do your PARENTS know you're a pothead?

"Here, give me twenty-bucks on..."

DO NOT throw your money at me like a two-dollar whore! You can't afford me. What?! Don't you throw that at me and walk away!

"Jess, did you..."

No, I didn't, but I'm getting there. Stop nagging me you nasty old crone! Make your kids do something more than sit around on their asses and getting their virginity taken from them by cop's wives.

"Hi darlin'..."

I'm not your "darlin'", "baby", "honey", or "sweetheart." My name is Jessica, read the name tag!

"I need to talk to to you... it's important..."

ring, ring. You said it was important. Wait, what? It's not?! You were just being rude. "Well, I'm rude sometimes." Click. You ignorant, self-centered, son of a bitch. How DARE you! After all the crap you've told me? Please. I give up.

I need a night out...

...but right now, I need video games.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24370338/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24370338/ Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:37:58 PDT
I'm having a hard time waking up and staying awake. It's been like that the last two weeks. I've been depressed lately and not feeling like I'm living to my full potential. I feel like I've been disappointing people, and I know I shouldn't feel that way. Logically, I know I'm doing the right thing by going back to school. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I'm glad I am. I've been hanging out with some awesome people and making a whole slew of new friends to hang out with. I live for Monday night rendevous at Denny's or Eat n Park. I love hanging out with the cool kids in the cool kid corner in my Survey of Women Writers class.

Rob and Laura got me playing World of Warcraft. After I get homework and chores done around the house, it's my ultimate escape. It's actually pretty inspiring to me, as a writer. I can't explain it. But I also haven't been writing much. I think it's about time for the semester to be over now.

Good Night everyone.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24353580/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24353580/ Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:45:40 PDT
Thursday, I ran into a guy I haven't seen for years! He was at Cal for a Hip Hop Conference or something. We ran into each other and went to Dairy Queen before sitting down by the river and talking for awhile. It was nice to see him and I'd like to hang out with him more. We've been talking all weekend and I even stopped to see him before my evening class tonight. He's supposed to go out with Cody and I this weekend. Yeah, I felt bad because I was wary about going to a club in West Virginia with him last weekend; we compromised on bowling for a little bit before going to shoot pool Saturday night. I offered to be the driver to make up for my aprehension. It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't like being in unfamiliar territory.

So, my friends: Laura, Hannah, and I have started a tradition of sorts. We go to get food after class on Monday nights. Hannah bailed, but that's alright. Laura and I went to Eat N Park where we ate stuffed french toast with strawberries. I was on a strawberry overload and had pie for dessert and Laura had grilled stickies. We met up with Katie and Cassie there and hung out for a bit. It was so much fun. We talked and goofed around and just had an awesome time. Afterward, we had a mini dance party outside the front doors before we left. Haha! Disco dancing at it's finest.... or not?

Tomorrow is a tea party in my 19th Century Brit Lit class... which is going to be interesting. He wants us to dress up in the garb from that era. Yeah, all I have is Renaissance stuff and it's definitely NOT school appropriate. It's also huge on me now and I trip over it. Sorry, sir. I'll stick with my jeans and t-shirts. I have to take my laptop into class because I am designated DJ. I managed to find some classical music for it. Of course, I cheated. I found music from the "Pride and Prejudice" movie so I'm using it. I should get bonus points for that. It IS a movie adaptation of one of our novels. I really don't want to go to English Comp tomorrow, by the way.

Sleep now.

See you guys later.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24176234/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24176234/ Sat, 11 Apr 2009 04:10:31 PDT
Last night was alright, at least I got stuff done. I also complimented some good looking guy's cologne, he told me to sniff his neck and I did. What? He smelled good. I didn't try necking him or anything. I just put my hand on his shoulder and took in the smell of the cologne.

I am so glad that I had company at the end of my shift. Cody is a regular. He comes in all the time to see Nancy and Maureen. But ever since I started, he's been coming to see me and wanting to hang out with me and stuff. He wants me to show him how to ride horses. His cousin has some, I guess. I told him that I would be honored, but I'm not sure how much of a good teacher I would be. He wants to do stuff over the summer, like Pike Days and the Steam Show...even a road trip to Virginia. He waited for me at the end of my shift and said he liked coming to see me. I'm kind of sad that he's gay though. I mean, not that I'm passing judgement, but he seems like the kind of guy I wouldn't mind dating - if he were straight. Oh well. The red head strikes out again.

But I need sleep. I might be riding horses this morning. I'll try to write a creativey blog later.

Nights!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24140739/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24140739/ Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:48:43 PDT
FUCK!!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24133099/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/24133099/ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:34:26 PDT
McVey is another one. He's a nice guy for the most part. But he acts like I don't exist, even when I raise my hand he looks passed me. Why? Because I'm not doing very good in his class so I'm not worth his time. Whatever. Char, myself, and a guy named May (That's his last name. I don't know his first) were talking during a break about how much he takes the Bible out of context. According to McVey, the Bible says poligimy is good (That's when a man has more than one wife) Okay, I'm not a pro, nor a theological vigilante, but I don't think that's right. I thought God intended one man to be with one woman. I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. But hey, what do I know? Right?

Ohio was okay, but I've been so tired that I've been sleeping longer than I like. The passed two days have been very disappointing. I'd wake up, then roll over and go back to sleep... only to wake up in the afternoon for class. I have to wake up early tomorrow because I have some stuff to take care of. I've got bills I have to pay. I've got money orders I need to get. And if it wasn't for my tax check coming in yesterday, I wouldn't have the money. My paychecks suck!!

I used to make four-hundred-some dollars every two weeks. My paycheck for last week, wasn't even $120. I'm going to have to get another job over the summer when classes are out just so I can keep my head above water. Unless GetGo picks up. I miss the Woods, of course, but I'm pretty adamant about not going back.

I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do.

Ohio was okay, I didn't get half as much stuff as I would have liked. But still, it was a very... eye-opening... experience. We had a gentleman's club in the parkinglot of our Motel. There was a Waffle House next to that. Fantasia was very breathtaking. I loved it. I bought a t-shirt and a pair of necklaces for five bucks. It was a good time. I was happy to get home though.

I want Spring to get here! We had snow all day. WTF is up with that?

I'm sorry I vent too much.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23978864/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23978864/ Tue, 31 Mar 2009 01:10:09 PDT
Yesterday wasn't a total waste, however. I went to my science class where I met up with Hannah and Laura - a girl from the Equestrian team that I just realized last week was in my class. I couldn't focus on anything in class today. I don't know what it was. The three of us had a hard time keeping track. After class, we went to Denny's where we ate and talked about hot men and former boyfriends and the like. It was very nice to get out. I haven't really gotten a chance to for ... what seems like ... a month or two. I'm either working, going to school, or doing homework. Either that or I'm fulfilling obligations with the Equestrian Team. Which is fine and I love doing that.

We get to go to Ohio this weekend and I'm very excited for it. I hope Laura will get to go. She's supposed to talk to the President to see if there can be room made. I already told her that if she can't get a ticket to Fantasia - this dancing horse show - I'll give someone else my ticket and I'll hang out with her until the others get back. I don't think I could sit through that show knowing that Laura couldn't go to it. Call me a push-over, if you want. I like Laura, she's very nice and fun to hang out with.

I think that's all for now. I get to ride at ten this morning. I wonder which horse I'll be on the back of? I'm supposed to learn how to ride Western. I'd like to. I'm not getting hunt seat. I've got saddle seat imbedded in my brain. I ride English and I'm not a snob! Imagine that. Haha.

Good night, everyone!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23935243/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23935243/ Sat, 28 Mar 2009 14:08:02 PDT
First of all, I have a mouth like a dirty truck driver and I keep forgetting to put a lid on it. But thankfully, I am not the only one this happens to. I've worked in a plant for two and a half years. I've never had to see the customers except on those rare occasions that some rich shmucks walk through the plant to see how we make things. The guys I worked with have mouths like mine, so it's second nature to me. I've been paying attention though and guarding my words.

Secondly, teenagers are a fascinating species. They fear water and soap so some of them smell. These are mostly the ones with crazy bleached blonde hair and they try to not match? I'm not a fashionista or anything, but I'm pretty sure purple and black striped hoodies don't go with tight skinny bright blue pants. And, they all smoke cigars! It was only clarified by Jody that they use those to get high... how lovely. Also, I have to say things twice to get my point across.

Last week, I caught a kid stealing jerky. I told him to put it back. He tried to give me hell for it. I was adamant. Never argue with a sleepy redhead. I caught him doing again last night! If he comes in tonight and tries to do it, I'll kick him out. It's in my power, I am master of the cashier counter when no one else is there. Then, I had a line quite literally out the door and what the kid did buy, he had to count his change three times to "make sure he had it right" Well, I told him simply: "Look dude, this is the fourth time you've counted. I have a line out the door, and unless you want to get your ass kicked as soon as you step off of this property; might I suggest hurrying it up a little?"

I had to clean the bathroom because some punks vandalized it, so I locked the door and didn't let anyone use it unless I knew them. I didn't take any crap from the drunks or the pill heads. And I get to do it all over again tonight?

Why, me?

I am generally a very nice person. I'm not a bitch and I'm not a crab in the morning. But when the same three or four teenagers come in three to four times a night, don't buy anything and trash the place; I get a slight irked.

Like I said... I'm not sure about working in costumer service again.

I miss the woods. I do. I'm not going to lie... I miss the hard labor and heavy lifting - no matter how much I bitched about it. I would go home with a sore back and tired arms and know I accomplished something that day. People I know think I need to move on from that... but you know what? I'm not going to. My friends are still at the woods and I'm not going to just forget about them. I hate to be so disappointing. *shrug*

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23771215/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23771215/ Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:40:45 PDT
Today's only good point, it seemed, was in class. We were seperated into groups and asked to discuss the kind of society we'd like to see. In Waterhouse's class I sit with three awesome people - Rob, Megan and Mike. It's our own little corner there and we cut up on movies we watch, but we also pay attention and ask questions, provide opinions and so on. So we aren't total slackers. We came up with a perfect alternative society.

Democracy of the passed hundreds of years is resorted to medieval monarchies. Christopher Walken will reign as king of the world. Criminals will be thrown into Lake Erie, on the Canadian side, and electric fences would be put up to keep them from coming back. There will be free booze once a month. We would still have indoor plumbing, electricity and the internet -- you can't live without the internet. But what had me laughing was Rob's impressions of Christopher Walken. I felt so bad because I couldn't stop. Waterhouse must have thought I was drunk, but no... I'm just exhausted and trying to catch up.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23702524/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23702524/ Sat, 14 Mar 2009 21:45:18 PDT
I got to ride horses yesterday. I rode a male named Kelley. I was afraid that I was going to forget everything. I'm used to riding saddle seat, Sue teaches hunt seat, so I have to learn that. It's not too much different. I'm hoping to get situated and good enough to start showing again with the other girls. I'm thinking about pulling out my blue ribbons from when I rode years ago. Maybe I could improve upon my riding by going over what I used to do. I did have a hard time focusing, though. I blamed supreme tiredness. I stayed at Gram's house Thursday night. I have a hard time sleeping there as it is because it's so quiet. I didn't get to sleep till four, and she woke me up at eight. We had to take her dog to the vet, then I went riding after that. I'm going to have to take stock in Amp.

I wasn't trying to impress anyone with my riding, but I was trying to concentrate and get a feel for the horse. He has a thing where he tries to pull the reins out of my hands. So I really wasn't sure if it was me holding his mouth too tight or if he was just being a brat. Sue said it was because he was being a brat. Though she was impressed by the fact that I had experience and I've been in shows and have the intent to show eventually when I get my confidence back. I did, however, find muscles that I'd once forgotten. My shoulders and ribs hurt. I think I dismounted oddly because my ankle hurt, too.

After riding, I came home, drank some Mtn Dew and watched a couple episodes of Inuyasha before spending time with Cassie and Kt. We went to Ponderosa, which I think may turn into a new hang out. It's cheaper than Eat n Park and the buffet is all you can eat. The waitresses are cool, and I got a discount because I go to Cal. Which was awesome. Then I took the two of them on a tour of campus. Kt seemed to like it and Cassie wants to film an Asian Drama there. It is a good place to do it. I love it up there. I'd be up there more if I had a reason besides class to go. All in good time, I suppose.

Today I spent as a hermit. I rented movies from Red Box and only watched the one. I saw "Australia." Oh man! Baz Luhrman did it again. It is so good. I loved it. I have "The Love Guru" too, but I haven't watched it. I don't know if I feel like it now. Mike Myers is a good funny actor, but I'm not really in the mood for funny. It hurts too much to laugh hah!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23583874/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23583874/ Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:21:51 PST
Being that "Watchmen" opened up yesterday, I kind of wanted to check it out. I love me a good superhero flick and I wanted to know what the fuss was all about. My sister was going to see it today and a couple of people I know went to see it as well. So I bought my ticket for a 4:25 showing and browsed about the mall for a bit. I went into Hot Topic and looked at their clearance stuff. I didn't buy anything, because I couldn't. But I did see a few things I liked.

So, when my showing came, I was excited. I got there early and sat in the middle of the theater. You can see everything when you sit in the middle rows. I sat by patiently and waited until the lights went down and the screen came up. I was so excited, I was smiling in anticipation. At the edge of my seat, practically.

I should have known by the opening sequence and the first death of one of the characters that it was going to suck. It was totally like nothing I'd ever seen before. I don't know if they call it creative innovation or what... but DC comics let me down with this one. Granted, the only DC title I ever read was "Batman." But I know enough from reading Batman and watching cartoons and such to know what DC's characters and situations are like. I'm not a pro, I never said I was. My comic book of choice is usually stuff dealing with the "X-Men." I know a fair to decent amount of knowledge from that universe.

Here are some "Watchmen" gripes:

First of all, they really need to ID people before they buy tickets to that movie. It is far too visual and violent for kids. I saw kids in the theater tonight that were definitely under the age of eighteen... which I think would be a reasonable age to watch this movie. But what the hell do I know?

Secondly, I saw WAY too much of Dr. Manhattan than I would have liked. It's not like I've never seen man parts before, but honestly, you don't need to put that in a movie... unless it's porn and not on the mainstream. Not only that, but geez! The chick and the guy that dresses kind of like Batman but isn't Batman... in their plane thing... is that was superheroes are SUPPOSED to do after they save a burning building full of people? "Oh, we saved a bunch of people! Screw me now!" I don't mind seeing that stuff discreetly, but I don't want to see the whole meeting from start to finish! Besides, the guy in the not Batman looking suit, wasn't even cute... AT ALL.

Third, I saw new ways to kill people, and it was almost too bloody for me to handle; and I like horror movies! The one thing that irked me the most was Rorshach's story about the little girl. I almost walked out of the theater and demanded my money back. It's not that I didn't think I could sit through the entire movie; it's just that one instance disturbed me to the point where I'll probably have nightmares and not be able to sleep well tonight. I have godchildren and friends with children that age. I thought that it was going to be like Law and Order: SVU... he'd find her ashes in a fire place or in an old fridge... but no, that wasn't the case. Why, DC? Why? Was it absolutely necessary to do what you did?

I understood the premise of it; human beings are the self-destruction of the world. Okay, I get that. But I probably won't even buy this movie for a dollar in RedBox! The fighting, when they did it, was well choreographed and very impressive, the effects were decent, there was no plot, hardly any dialog at all. The only character I liked was the psycho-path, Rorshach. He was kind of like DC's equivelent to Marvel's Wolverine.

Speaking of which!

If "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" can't redeem my love of superhero flicks, or another Christian Bale "Batman" doesn't show up soon ... I'm going to need a new genre to follow. There really aren't too many left. Twilight killed my enjoyment of vampire flicks by being ridiculous and predictable and horribly written. The new "Star Trek" movie might save the Sci-fi genre and "Public Enemies" might reinstill my love of Johnny Depp movies... but as of right now... I could have had a ham and pineapple pizza for the money I wasted on "Watchmen."

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23539021/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23539021/ Thu, 05 Mar 2009 11:30:24 PST told me yesterday that I should probably clear up confusion with some of my "Inuyasha" fics. I really never thought about it. I created my fics with the help and motivation from another person. I've never had many people but her read my stuff because I never thought it was any good. But then I put it on DA, a community where people read and view everything posted by another, and it occurred to me... lots of die hard "Inuyasha" fans are probably going to be curious about where Kagome is. So, to ease some confusion... if there be any of course... I'll fill you guys in.

My "Inuyasha" fics are generally AU. Even though they follow parts in the actual anime. Kagome doesn't exist in them because I don't like her. I like Kikyo better, besides, I can sort of relate to her. But not that I'm going to criticize those who like Kagome and hate Kikyo... you like who you like. Anyway... Anayame is an originial character I created back in 2003. She's basically Kagome's replacement. She was modeled after yours truly because, lets face it, if I had a well in my backyard that could take me back in time; where there are cute men like, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Miroku and Koga... I'd never come home. Haha! I know it may sound silly, but she's also kind of a confidence booster for me. If I'm ever scared or concerned, I tap into her courage and I'm alright. Like I said, it sounds silly, but it helps. Especially these last few months.

Saki is another original character. She wasn't created to replace Sango. Sango is still these fics from time to time but as Lord Takeda's wife. Cause if you'll remember or in case you don't know, Takeda wanted to marry Sango after he saw her slay demons with her village. The episode is somewhere in the forties or fifties of the series. I didn't rule Sango out completely.

Sakuya is another one of mine. Because I'm greedy and I like both Inuyasha and Koga as favorite characters, Sakuya is Koga's betrothed - I guess - she's a wolf demon that leads a tribe of them in the South... whereas I think Koga rules in the North? I could never keep that straight. So I might be wrong. At any rate, Sakuya is also very cool and comes in from time to time. She needs more work though, I haven't written much with her. I think she has a few glitches that need to be worked out.

But yes! Anyway. I hope that helped. I'm sorry if it was kind of scattered.

Not only am I writing fanfiction again, but I've been fighting with the beginning of an original piece. I think I've rewritten it three times already. Ugh, so crazy. This one needs worked out, too.

Also! Remind me to never watch anime before I go to bed. I had a dream that I was hanging out with Miroku last night... damn cartoon characters! LOL.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23477952/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23477952/ Sun, 01 Mar 2009 19:39:16 PST
My presentation went off without a hitch on Thursday, unless you count my shaking and fidgeting the whole time. I got a "B". Which is a lot better than I thought I would do. I got my midterm for that class done yesterday with two hours to spare. I'm doing okay, or at least I'm trying. So yeah, what else?

I got my car on Thursday! I'm so excited. The best part is, to fill it up, it only took nineteen dollars. From a half tank to a full tank on Friday, it only took six. Gotta love the four cylinders. I haven't named this car yet, since my family has a habit of naming cars. My mom's Volkswagon, for example, is called Lily. My sister's Ford Focus is Theodore. My Oldsmobile's name was Reba. Yeah, we're very weird. But honestly, why not? We name our pets, why not our cars, too? My sister thinks I should name my car Felix. I don't know about that one, though. I might call him Kartik, after my favorite character in Libba Bray's Gemma Doyle Trilogy. Yeah, Kartik it is. He was awesome in those books. I kind of wish I knew a real guy like him.

Anyway.

Friday I hung out with Kt. We had food at Eat n Park and talked shop. Which is my writing and her drawing. We also kicked around the idea of doing Ren Faire again this year. Now that there is a cool guy being the Entertainment Director, I don't mind doing it now. We played with the idea of being royalty, but we're not quite sure how he's going to switch things up. It'll be a good thing to do over the summer though. I could always use the money.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go looking for a job and see the guys at The Woods. I saw Kenny today and Floyd was at the car wash in Bentleyville, I beeped at him, but he didn't recognize me in my little car. But that's alright.

Well, that's all for now. Later, guys!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23388606/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23388606/ Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:23:21 PST
"In the Company of Wolves"
Genre: Inuyasha
During their travels in Fuedal Japan, our heroes come across a village under siege by a pack of cursed wolves. What does their leader have to do with Koga?
Status: Not Finished

"Uncommon Favors"
Genre: Inuyasha
While relaxing a little by a hot spring, Anayame thwarts Jaken from stealing Inuyasha's Tetsusaiga. Only to be taken to fulfill the request of an unlikely person.
Status: Finished

I've also thought more about my original piece, "The Seer" which I'm handwriting before I type it. Just in case a computer crashes somewhere. I need to restart it though and add a new character into the mix. Thankfully, it doesn't have too many yet.

That is all.

Go. Read. Comment. Fun times.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23361410/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23361410/ Mon, 23 Feb 2009 11:42:45 PST
My car brokedown again Friday, I can't go to class today, probably won't be able to get to a job interview tomorrow morning and of course class tomorrow afternoon. Every opportunity I try to find to get a new car gets shot down. My payment will go up, my insurance will go up, unemployment may not be able to pay for it all. So I need a job...

..Fine...

...gotta have wheels to get to a job, remember?

Can't get in touch with anyone from HP on the status of my computer. They need a model number...fine, but you assholes HAVE MY COMPUTER!

I quit.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23279865/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23279865/ Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:07:42 PST

So anyway! I'm breaking free from "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" for a few minutes to blog. I don't mind poetry as much as the next chick, but reading that epic thing is like reading a Shakespeare play. Thank goodness for footnotes or I would have no idea what was going on. At least with Shakespeare I have a decent idea what he's talking about.


Class was an adventure today. I found out that I have a lot of things in common with a few people there. They were all pretty psyched when I divulged what little I knew about the new Wolverine movie and that Gambit was in it. Methinks I makes friends? Then there was the making fun of the guys in the 18th (or possibly 19th... I can never get it straight!) century and their silk fetish. Though in this movie, dude kissed a girl's foot. But in both of the movies we saw, the guys kiss girls and it looks like their going to eat their faces off. One of the guys behind me was at the edge of his seat waiting for a steamy scene. It was pretty funny.


Tomorrow I have British Literature and I'm worried about that class. It's not that I don't understand the material, it's just that I don't understand the teacher. He was nice enough to let me take his class while taking one of the prerequistes this semester, but honestly. He's so hard to follow! We've pretty much decided that we need a support group in that class. Ha.


Tomorrow is also something else cool. I was going through my emails last night between classes and I got one about an Equestrian Club at Cal. It's only ten dollars and I'd be in for a year. I'll get to be around horses again, that's so exciting. I could also show if I wanted. But I kind of want to check it out first before I make up my mind to sign up for horse shows. So, not only will I get to meet new people, but they'll be able that like horses as much as I do. So yay for that.


Well, back to the "Ancient Mariner."

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23232238/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23232238/ Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:03:49 PST
I have to take my car to the mechanic .... again ... today. Ever since I got it back, it hasn't been running right. No matter how straight and smooth the road is, I feel like I'm driving on nothing but bumps and potholes. My car shakes now. Also the back breaks are goofy and a few idiot lights come on. Not, like, the oil light or what have you... but the ABS light of all lights and the parking break light... even though the parking break isn't on. I don't understand it.

I went bowling on Saturday. They were there. But that's okay, they left me alone. Even though I was pretty sure they were picking on me anyway. But whatever. It kind of seemed like, Char and I - as well as her brother, Matt - were being punished. Like kids who got caught eating the library paste and given a time-out. We were seperated from the entire alley, alienated almost. Like everything that happened last week was all my fault. But it wasn't. Oh well. Let them believe what they want, let them think they've won. It'll all be sorted out in the end when she finds out what he's really like.

Mike was there, and I almost punched him. He totally didn't even acknowledge that I existed. Well, whatever. If he wants to join that group of back-stabbers, liars, womanizers and two-faced bastards, that's his decision. I, however, will not be around when they do the same to him as they have to me. He had no time for me, I have no time for him. End of story.

I got presents for Valentine's day. How exciting! I got rose smelling stuff, a singing dog and a fake rose from Charlene and the babies. Charlene also bought me a tiger's eye necklace shaped like heart to inspire creativity, which I think might be working. Considering I wrote three stories for my DeviantArt last night and I still have stuff bubbling in my brains. I also got a Kawasaki Ninja - it's about five inches long and four inches high... but it's still a motorcycle, right?

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23118495/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23118495/ Tue, 10 Feb 2009 10:33:20 PST
I feel lighter all most, and I'm taking this opportunity for some self-reflection and a whole lot of change. No more emo-coccoons for this knucklehead. I started hanging out with Katie again last night, we're supposed to hang out again tomorrow, too. We are each other's projects. She's going to help me feel like I can be more than just "one of the guys". I'm going to help her with whatever I can. By the time it's over, I'd like to feel that I can be "one of the guys" and someone's girl at the same time. I know, it's a shot in the dark but it's a shot worth taking.

Over Eat 'n' Park's mashed potatoes and chicken-gravy, Katie and I got each other all caught up on things. I told her that my writing has kind of been lax and I can't seem to remain focused enough to stick to one idea. One minute I'm doing fanfiction and the next I'm outlining my own world. She got me up to date on her drawing and I even have a commission coming my way of a scene in one of my "Inuyasha" blurbs. Which I'm incredibly excited about.

Class today at three-thirty. I'm picking up Charlene since I owe her a whole bunch of rides home and to school because of my car being broke down for nearly a month and a half. It's raining, so I'm tired and not really wanting to do much of anything. But I haven't missed any class, so I'm not really wanting to start now. So, I have some time before I have to worry about leaving. Armed with Wild Cherry Pepsi, I'm going to go tackle my writers block goblins.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23091170/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/23091170/ Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:06:47 PST
So a lot has gone in the last few days. I'm sure everyone is up to speed on my dilemma with Justin and his goons. If not, I'll update you. I gave him his ring back two weeks ago. I just wanted to wash my hands of the whole affair. He proceeded to call me a liar and a thief and tell me I'm psycho and worthless.

Heh, I know, right?

Anyway, this went on for a few days, then they stopped. Then, Friday night, I was curled up on my bed watching my favorite dog-demon on YouTube ("Inuyasha" - it's anime) when I started getting restricted calls again. I answered a few of them and just let them hear themselves talk and the audio from "Inuyasha". Well, they wouldn't stop. I called JR and Char and we made it a point to finish this Saturday night. I was anxious and worried, didn't get much sleep really. I would have let it go if they weren't lying about me.

So after I spent a few hours watching the godbabies for their mama, we went to Bentleyville. As a trump card, I'd brought some notes that Justin wrote me when we were still working together. Notes that told me loved me and all. So, I had copies made of them; because I'm a sentimental moron and didn't want to get rid of the originals. I tried to prove my case, but he threw the paper back at me and called me a fat bitch... which was a mistake because JR was right next to me. So he was pretty pissed off. Jay had brought a friend with him, her name is Tiffany. She's pretty cool. She goes to Cal so she might start hanging out with me and Char. Anyway, she says that the goons wouldn't stop looking our way. We weren't paying attention to them. Well, at least I wasn't. I was too busy busting JR's chops by being the competative chick I can sometimes be. Char wasn't paying any attention either, but I could tell it was getting under her skin. We have the Force, she and I.

We started to leave at eleven-thirty, the goons followed us and started yelling at us. Being the kids they think they still are. Char and I went and got her husband, and we went back to the bowling alley. Bob talked to Joe and he kicked the goons out until they can "Behave themselves". Joe knows that I don't cause trouble. I never have. He also trusts Bob's judgement I guess. Anyway, the goons are no longer allowed to bowl at Bentleyville anymore. So I guess we achieved something without resorting to violence.

Today, I changed my phone number so they can't bother me or find me anymore. Though I'm still kind of worried because Justin knows where I live. But before I changed my number, she told me that she was going to leave me alone. So, I don't know. I'll take it at face value. I'm such a freaking coward, I can't stand it. But I've been dealing with this for two years, I'm glad it's done. Just for now, until they get bugs up their asses again.

I got my car back Friday, finally! It feels so much better having my meager sense of independence back again. She's newly insured with my Aunt at Allstate, she has her registration good till this coming December, she's inspected till then, too. She has a new engine in her and she's back in my driveway. I love the fact that I don't have to bum a ride anymore. All I need is my laptop fixed and I'll be good. I feel like my new chapter can begin now.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22991023/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22991023/ Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:09:27 PST wasn't because he was nominated as "Man of the Year" or he did
something for the sake of humanity. The only humanity he ever cared
about was his own. He always used to make me angry because he was so
selfish. When we had been dating, he was never like that. It was only
when we lived together that he changed. When I was leaving him, he
threatened to take his own life. I grabbed Lacey (my Australian Cattle
Dog that my cousin has now) and half of my things and left before
something happened. It was only when I'd gone back to get the rest of
my things that I found out he had sold or destroyed most of it. These
included my collection of "Animorphs" books that I nearly had a
complete series of. Some of my clothes, my bike, a few other valuables
worth getting money out of. Of course I was pissed. I also had a
beautiful white kitten named TC (short for "That Cat"). She had
blue/white eyes and she was very affectionate. I had gone to get her
back because I never liked leaving my animals behind. He said he had
dropped her off at a farm, but he was a good liar and hated cats. I
had stopped him once for trying to kill three small black kittens.
Well, now I can't help but wonder if he killed TC.

The biggest valuable was the actual house we had been in. That is now a
nasty black tattoo on my credit report. He had somehow gotten ahold of
my number (before I had it changed to what it is now) and he was
calling me all the time. One day I had Justin answer it, he told Matt
that I was his girl and to stop messing with me. And Matt stopped for
a little bit. Then he started again, that time I had Mike (when I
still hung out with him) answer it. After that, Matt left me alone.
But what really pissed me off was when he had gone on the news asking
for donations to get a house in June last year. He had a perfectly
good house and he trashed it. But after reading the paper this
morning, I wondered if he was trying to do more than trash it.

This bothers me. It bothers me to no end. I can't help but feel kind of
partially responsible for it. Matt set fire to a house he was living
in while his youngest, Caytlyn was still in it. For those who don't
know, Caytlyn is severely handicapped. She needs medical care around
the clock. I didn't mind doing it when I was there, I liked that
little girl and I still do. I used to walk into my living room, she'd
see me and start bouncing and wiggling in her chair. We used to play
together and watch cartoons all the time. I used to yell at him
because he always tried to get money off of her. For whatever reason,
he tried to squeeze what benefits he could out of her. I let him have
the house because I was worried about her. And look where it got me.
If I could go back in time, I'd kick him out. At any rate, he set fire
to his own house with Caytlyn inside. His oldest wasn't home from
school yet. I never liked her. And even more unnerving is that last
time I saw his oldest, she looked A LOT like me. Same red hair and
glasses. She looked like a shorter version of me. It gives me the
creeps. It makes me wonder what he was really like.

It also scares me, he's closer to me now than he has been in five years.
Granted he's in prison now, but I felt so much better when I didn't
know where he was. According to the paper, he's up on 43 charges - 42
of which are felonies. I wonder if there's a charge for making it hard
for me to trust men anymore. Or maybe one for scaring me to the point
where I felt like I was trapped. Putting Caytlyn in a drafty laundry
room to sleep in. Perhaps there's one for Kitten Homicide. Taking my
kitchen cabinets and possibly use them for kindling?

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22914190/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22914190/ Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:36:05 PST
So, I have my mIRC and my AIM. I also have my iTunes, except it's being stupid and not letting me transfer my purchases from my iPod to this computer because I'm not "authorized" to do so. And it also won't take my password and user ID for the iTunes store because it's already created.... yeah! By me!! Stupid grrrr. So, until I can figure that out, I'm not syncing my iPod because I don't want to lose my music. I bought albums and songs that I don't want to be erased. I don't know, I got LimeWire back, maybe I can get the music and stuff that way? I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'm thinking it might be a long night so I can get all caught up. It's so exiciting.

So! As you can tell by my pictures, I got my new tattoo!! Isn't she beautiful? She's a redhead, naturally, and she has my godbabies favorite colors in it, just like my bird - which I also reposted to show it off. Marc at Ts Tattoos did it. He does such amazing work. My bird is still as bright as it was when I got it last June. The pictures don't do my tats any justice. They look better in person. But I did my best. So woo. I'm a mad music downloading fool right now.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22716808/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22716808/ Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:46:35 PST
Also I noticed that feelings for a certain someone have... well, not "dissolved" but aren't my top priority anymore. I've taken a huge leap and even took his ring off and put it on a shelf in my room. I started school with the intent of meeting new people and doing new things. I can't keep holding on to something so unstable. Yeah, but don't throw those parades yet, lol. Something better is bound to come along, so that's what I'll wait for.


There's a grafitti party tonight. We're not quite sure what that is, but Charlene and I are going. If I'm going to enjoy college, I want to be with my best friend. But that's not till eight, and I'm rather hungry so I'm going to go figure out what I'm going to eat. Dairy Queen or Subway? Decisions, decisions.


So long, everyone, stay classy!

*************************
[Edit] 11:38 PM

So it was an amazing night. But now, I'm freezing. Of course I just got out of the shower after having flourescent paint all over me. Oh it was so much fun! I danced and didn't care who was watching. I taught Char how to do the Cupid Shuffle. She did pretty good. I'm proud of her. My trashed white t-shirt is now my favorite shirt and I will probably sleep in it. The glow necklaces are casting an eerie glow in my room right now.

While I was on that dancefloor, I felt like I was high. Not really high like I was huffing paint or something. Just... nothing could touch me. Nothing mattered. It was just me and the music. Though I'm not going to lie, I did have a fleeting desire that the Irish Boy was there dancing with me, too.

But anyway... enough of that.

I had so much fun. I love college. Char said that she never used to do things like that. But now that I am there, she wants to. I told her that we definitely would. I can't wait for another one. Or something just as fun.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22710477/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22710477/ Wed, 21 Jan 2009 09:54:22 PST
We browsed the posters a long the wall, eying up our next inkings. I have a red-haired moon fairy in my future. Definitely. We enjoyed friendly banter with the boys and headed back on our merry way toward Noss Hall where we spent the duration of our time before our night class doing research for presentations we have to do, and editting our myspaces.

After that, it was off to English Composition two where I learned the value of Hoodies and Reindeer - don't ask. It was very interesting though. During our fifteen minute break, the two of us ambled toward the pool area for it's hours so we may work on our girlish figures. I'd rather just use the gym... me and swimsuits? It's not pretty at all. Then it was back to class for the last few minutes of a writing assignment and finally... freedom!

Walking back toward Char's van, out ADD got the better of us. There were names in the snow. Though we weren't quite sure how they got there. But we didn't care. Using our feet (which are still cold, btw) we wrote our names in the snow. I took pictures of them. Then we started walking, only to have the ADD set in AGAIN!

So we took goofy pictures with the statue outside of Hamer. Hopefully, my sister loves me and will bring her laptop over so I can upload these amazing pictures to mine and Char's myspaces. And to think, when the weather gets warmer and we don't mind being outside after dark again... all of the other crazy stuff we could do!

But last night, I was so jazzed on Cappacino that I stayed up till one this morning working on ninety-five things about myself for my new English teacher. Hey, I didn't mind. He's better than the quack they tried to give me.

I have on class today and tonight is a grafitti party - a gathering of other college kids like me with a dj and stuff. Char is supposed to meet me. We have had plans to go since last Friday. I'm excited. There will probably be pictures then, too. haha.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22661305/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22661305/ Sun, 18 Jan 2009 20:12:04 PST

I saw the NFC championship and watched the Cardinals kick Philly's ass (though, to give them credit, Philly played really well). But I also saw the AFC Championship and watched Pittsburg roast Baltimore. Oh was it sweet - and a freaking nail biter! Troy's interception that he took all the way for a touchdown...I was dancing around my living room. Trying to be quiet so not to wake my mom.


Can you even fathom how hard it is to celebrate quietly?


But as soon as the Steelers sealed the deal, I texted everyone ... in caps, even. That's how excited I was. I only wish I could go to work and shove it the Dallas Fans face. Not mean like, just joking like. But I can't. So bleh.


But while I was watching the Steelers do what they do best, I saw Ryan Clark and Willis McGahee collide. I saw McGahee's neck snap back and Clark land on him. All the Baltimore trainers - Steeler Trainers, too - surrounding him to make sure he was okay. I saw Ben talking to a couple of the Ravens, and Mike Tomlin making sure everyone was alright.


But what got me was the sportsmenship that the Steelers fans had when McGahee was getting carted off the field. I heard a "Good luck, Willis, good luck, buddy" and it really stood out. Not that I believe we're all ruthless football fans or anything. I mean, we have our rivalries - Pittsburg and Cleveland, Penn State and WVU - but when one of the opposing team gets hurt, we worry about them. I don't know, I just thought that was cool.


Maybe I'm just old-fashioned enough to think that there is good in all people. Unless otherwise proven. I'm not vouching for Serial Killers, Psychopaths and all that. But yeah, our race may be on the verge of self-destruction; but hey, when it comes to football - we're always concerned about our fellow man.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22639391/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22639391/ Sat, 17 Jan 2009 18:39:18 PST
It's Saturday afternoon and it's a perfect day to stay inside, curled up beneath your favorite blanket with the controller to your favorite video-game console in your hands as you work to get to that next level. Just one more level and the game becomes a new adventure. If you think about it, you can sort of compare life to that video game. Whether you're killing aliens or trying to save the galaxy from the Sith Lords. Either way life and video-games are similar.

Though, I'm not sure what I'd do if Reven or Malak approached me in real life with lightsabers ready to kill me... I'd probably run away.

To prove my point even further, in this long artsy-fartsy blog; take a look at me. Just a big kid stuck in a twenty-six-year-old's body. I started my new adventure earlier this week, my new level is college. As such, I had to leave the old level which was The Woods. Okay, granted my departure from that place wasn't of my own accord; but it sort of felt like moving forward.

You figure, I spent nearly three years in that plant - I made some of the most amazing friends - Dennis, Justin, Gerald, and Art. I miss every single one of them. But it's only temporary. We'll be causing trouble and playing pranks again before we know it. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

But regardless, I had to move on. That means on other things as well, as hard as they are and I can't possibly move on over night. Letting it happen how it's supposed to happen is all I can do.

At school, I feel different. Good almost. Like, "Hey, I'm doing the right thing, I know I can do it. I know it's not going to be a cake-walk, but it's better than sitting around waiting for the economy to take an even bigger shit than it already has." If I work hard enough, I could be at the top of that Best Sellers list, or writing charming, yet cynical at times, blogs for money. Having my name listed up there with Anne Rice, Libba Bray, Stephanie Meyer, Timothy Zahn maybe. I just have to try. It can't hurt. Even if I have to start at the bottom again with fanfiction, I'll do it. I love to write. I live for it. I love bringing my friends into my blurbs as their own characters and setting them up for crazy adventures. What was it that Whoopi said in "Sister Act II"?

"If you wake up in the morning, and you can't think of anything but writing, then you should be a writer."

Here's to new beginnings, huh?

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22601660/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22601660/ Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:04:53 PST
Please allow me to rant for a few minutes here.

My car broke down, before Christmas. Almost a month ago now. It was towed to the garage the day after. I found out the week of New Years Eve that he hadn't even looked at it yet. Then, that Friday, he calls me and tells me it's going to be nearly six-hundred dollars to get it fixed. I make the necessary arrangments as far as getting the loan to pay for the repairs and everything. Only to have my Dad tell me last Thursday that the mechanic told him that it needed a new engine. Which, by the way, was not what he told me. It's probably because I'm a girl and I'm not supposed to know these things.

Um, yeah?

I'm a Daddy's girl, which means, my Dad taught me all that I need to know about my car. I like working on my car if I can do it. Or helping my Dad when he needs to. I'm not a pro, but I do have an inkling of what's going on. It may be hideous and two different colors, but it is my car. We've been juggling vehicles for almost a month and now my Dad's Jeep needs to go in for repairs after I get my car back. This is what happens when you deal with a new mechanic. With my family's, I would have had my car back. Except he wasn't too confident in his skills to take my Olds so I had to go with this yahoo.

I got my paycheck today. I found out that my friend Art got laid off, too. As well as all of Ron's guys except for Ron. I took my God-daughter's picture down off of my machine and didn't even look at anyone. I was crying.

After that, it was off to class. Well, to meet Char and get my classes switched around. The only good thing about my day was the fact that I managed to get out of that stupid English Comp II class with that bastard who told me that my degree was bullshit. Instead, I got into Char's 19th Century Literature class as well as her English class on Tuesday nights. It's so nice to be in a class with someone I know as opposed to a bunch of smartass kids who can't seem to get out of the High School mind-set. She's coming to get me tomorrow so I can get my books for those classes and stuff. Then we're going to Wal-Mart where I cash my horrible paycheck and get some school stuff. Just two three-ring binders and paper. As well as gas money for Char for carting my ass around. But she knows that if she were in the same situation (and has been) that I'd take her where ever she needed to go. Whether for gas money or a double-cheeseburger. I'm not too hard to please.

But right now, my toes are little icicles in desperate need of thawing. I have a warm bed and a heated blanket calling my name.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22573762/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22573762/ Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:46:17 PST
I started school with the fear of not being able to get my homework done because I work full time.

Well, yeah..have you noticed that it's ten o' clock in the morning?

The entire Doors department - except for the ass-ninjas, Millard, Rooster and Charlie Newman - got laid off yesterday. I got a text message from Larry last night as soon as I got out of class. I paced the length of Charlene's van at least sixty or seventy times crying. I called Digger and Larry to make sure I wasn't just hearing rumors. I wasn't. Laid off again. But am I horrible when I say that I take comfort in the fact that I wasn't the only one in doors to get it? I filed for Unemployment again last night. I have no clue what I'm going to do now. I suppose it'll give me more time to focus on school until I can't take the cabin fever anymore and find another job. Apparently though, we were such a "great group of people" that we'll definitely be called back. Yeah, I'm not sure how true that is. The bosses at the Woods are the kind that would look you right in your face and lie to you at the same time. I wish they would have told me before I left for class yesterday! Instead of me hearing it through the grape vine. How aggrevating. Yeah. I'm not sure what's going to happen now.

All in one week, I started my future and lost my past.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22484864/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22484864/ Fri, 09 Jan 2009 09:47:45 PST
School starts on Monday and I'm so nervous about it I can't see straight. But that's okay, because once Charlene gets here and we leave, I'll at least have books.

I want chinese food.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22083929/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/22083929/ Sat, 20 Dec 2008 11:29:52 PST
I am now an official Cal U student! I start in January. Woot! I got my loans. I'm so excited. I trudged through the rain yesterday to get my schedule. The things I do to make something of this crazy life. I was a drowned rat when I walked into the scheduling office. I felt horrible even though they told me it was alright. I trudged back to my car, cranked the heat and came home.

After changing into my favorite pajama pants and JR's overly large hoody, I went about wrapping my purchases. Then I changed my clothes as the babies came down and I took their pictures for their mama's christmas cards and they opened presents. I told them that I was pretty tight with Santa because some of the presents weren't from my family. The ladies at Mom's work donated money to get toys for them. I said they were from Santa. But it was amazing hearing their laughs and squeals of joy in my parents' living room.

I think the Christmas Spirit has this redhead in a chokehold now.

Tonight, I'm bowling with my Irish Boy. I'm excited to see him. Wonder what surprises are in store. He's good about surprising me. Woo hoo!

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21948025/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21948025/ Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:52:06 PST
Yesterday was uneventful, except that we were all sent home at Four. It was probably because of the weather being so iffy, but they really didn't give us a reason as to why. I'd hate to think that Davis Walker was being ... charitable? Compassionate maybe? Naaah.

I was kind of grumpy. Probably due to my lack of sleep and things running all around my mind. I'd been going to bed at midnight all week, usually I'm good when I wake up, but I haven't been able to get to sleep till 1 - 1:30... 2 on some nights. I worry too much, I think.

I got a phone call from my Irish Boy Wednesday, we didn't talk much. I sent him a text message afterward that said that our calls needed to be longer. He didn't call me today, so I'm hoping for one next week sometime.

I think I figured out my problem... well... as far as the massive loneliness feeling at work that I've had on my mind lately. I'm the baby. I'm the youngest one in that cold, drafty, damp plant. I can't connect with anyone there anymore. Justin was the only one my age which is why we clicked so well... now it's just... bleh.

I don't know.

I want Fall Out Boy's new CD... like... now? I've been listening to it on their myspace and it's amazing. I'm totally going to buy it.

It snowed, so I took pictures... Pretty?

That's all.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21783937/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21783937/ Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:42:47 PST
"Hey, it's me." Came a guy's voice. "I just want to tell you that I miss you." I blinked a few times. The guy's voice was familiar, very much so. It was a voice I don't get to hear very often. My face brightened up, I ran my hand through the haystack that was my red hair. I wasn't sure, but I would bet that my brown eyes started to twinkle with renewed hope.

It was my Irish Boy! My Irish Boy had called me! I wanted to save that message, save it so I can listen to it when I missed him. My finger hovered what I hoped was the right button and I pushed it. The automated voice came back "Message Deleted" My jaw dropped and the phone nearly flew across the room.

"Fuck!" I say loudly, then I'm thankful to be the only one in the house. "Dammit!" I say over and over. But regardless of my plight, I called my absolute best to tell her the news. We talk for nearly a half hour before I hang up and get my ass in gear.

Walking through Cal, I'm on a natural high. I turned in the paperwork I needed to turn in so I could get my butt into school. I've been trying to keep my focus on it. If I don't get to go, I think I'll have reached that place they call "rock bottom". School is probably my best bet right now.

After my paperwork was turned in, I ate lunch at a Chinese resturant that was a lot better than I thought it would be. Then I came home, drank an amp and am now crawling out of my skin. Haha.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21653736/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21653736/ Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:54:22 PST
In a few more days, the Christmas season will begin. What to get for who and twenty-four hours of "A Christmas Story." Who eats what and how many cookies am I supposed to have? It's already begun to creep in through the cracks and drafty garage doors of the Woods. Down in the glue room, Faron and Digger are bombarding poor Kenny with Christmas Music already. In a down moment, Kenny and I actually figured out how many birds a man was getting from his true love during the twelve days of Christmas. Twenty-three. What would you do with twenty-three birds? Where would you keep them? What would they eat? Which ones are dinner?

I can see the twinkle of christmas lights in my sister's eyes as she envisions on how to decorate the outside of the house. My gears start rolling after Thanksgiving as to how to spruce up the inside. The tree is up. As per Thanksgiving tradition. The tree always goes up on my Birthday.

However, the Christmas spirit has yet to gain it's choke-hold on this red-headed Grinch. Usually I don't get excited for Christmas until closer to the holiday itself. And what I want for Christmas is generally the same thing as what I want for my Birthday. I usually don't know. It aggrevates my family, but honestly, I don't ever know what I want. What I really want, I don't know if I'll ever get.

At any rate, I might get to go out for my birthday ... you know, aside from Black Friday shopping with my sister and my aunt - that'll be exciting. Charlene's older brother is back in town, and I'd like to hang out with him before he goes where ever the wind may take him. I mentioned that I wanted to shoot pool. So this should be interesting.

Today was long and cold. I haven't warmed up yet. Justin came in today, looking for his PS2 card. I told him that it was in my car and I handed him my keys. He said the bitch was in his car and she knew what mine looked like. I asked what the big deal was. I don't care if she knows what my car looks like.

Well, before I could offer an alternative, he hurried off. I was mad at first, but then I laughed. I'd probably do the same thing if roles were reversed. See? We're perfect for each other. He seemed pretty tense, so my guess is that there's trouble in paradise. Oh well, I'm thinking he might come back tomorrow to get it, because he "needs it." If he doesn't come for it tomorrow, I'll just drop it off at the bowling alley on Saturday and watch the Hell-bitch stumble over her dropped jaw.

I'm not a bitch, I promise.

But I'm not going to let some chick intimidate me and keep me from seeing my friend. I won't make waves, I'll just drop off his memory card. That's all.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21623095/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21623095/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:44:18 PST
At least not now when two of three main characters - my inspiration and my biggest fan - are gone.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21583059/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21583059/ Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:34:59 PST
It's the first time I've felt that way since I worked at the truck stop. I didn't get any sleep last night, if I did, it was real light. A movement from my dog woke me up, then I was awake for another two hours before starting it all over again. I went to work this morning with sore eyes because I spent most of the night crying - mostly of fear and worry. I was terrified that I was going to get laid off again. And I was worried about Justin.

Ron's back now, so that was a good thing. The only good thing.

Gerald got laid off, too. I felt like hell. He hugged me so tight and told me to not let anyone fuck with me, or he'll come back and they'll be nine feet under ground rather than six. I'm going to miss him.

I found out from Millard that my name wasn't on the list because I'm a harder worker. He also said - with quite a lot of venom - that the reasons why Justin got laid off was because he didn't do anything. Which is a crock of shit. Justin worked his ass off, just like me. The one thing that bugged me, was Millard said that the "higher ups" will think I'll work harder now that Justin's gone because I hung out with him a lot. Wtf? Whom I spend my time with should not reflect on that person's employment. I countered it by saying that yes, while I did hang out with him a lot, my work always, always, always, got done. Unc - who's real name is AJ - gave me Justin's PS2 memory card. I have no idea how I'll get it to him. But I'll hold onto it, if it means I get to see him.

If I work any harder, something will break. I know it will. My back is killing me for other than ... two obvious reasons ... and I've noticed my left knee is starting to ache, and my left shoulder is starting to hurt, too. I can't do anymore.

I hope this coming weekend and this week are good. I don't think my nerves can take anymore bad stuff. I'm wiped out.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21569653/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21569653/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:42:57 PST
Then it turned horrible.

So happy fucking birthday to me. Thank you, Davis Walker for taking away my best friend. I hope you're fucking happy, you and that damned BMW you spent OUR hard-earned raise money on. Bastard.

I'd like to go back and start this day again.

Could we may be end it differently next time, though?

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21533891/ http://xxJessykinsxx.deviantart.com/journal/21533891/ Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:33:55 PST
The powers that be, the ones that sign the paychecks of us peons in the plant, decided to send my department home early. Mine and a couple others. We ran out of work. I asked Brian if there was something I could do that would keep me around till 3:30, but no dice. So in the snow, at twenty-to-two this afternoon I was driving home. Of course I was kind of mad because I'd rather get paid for eight hours rather than six. They'd better not make this a habit because I have bills to pay among other things.

So now, here I am. Just got out of the shower, saving my hair from the sawdust-goblins. My cat's attacking my toes beneath Erin's comforter and my dog is snoring on the floor. I can't seem to get warm again.

I was actually kind of giddy today. I think it was the snow. I like snow... just not driving in it. It's so pretty before the salt trucks and shovels get to it.

I suppose thats all for now.

]]> ~xxJessykinsxx