http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:xybre&section=today deviantART RSS for by:xybre en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Fri, 11 Dec 2009 05:47:00 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/24161762/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/24161762/ Fri, 10 Apr 2009 09:17:28 PDT Only catch is you have to feature people in your next journal also.

I'm not one for chain-anythings except maybe the old-fashioned metal type.
However, I think this is just generally a good idea to help spread people's work among people who may have been previously unaware of it.

Reeeadddyyyy.... GO!!

-x

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18486828/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18486828/ Sat, 24 May 2008 22:46:44 PDT Fear is the mindkiller,
Fear is the little death
That brings total Oblivion
I will permit my fear to pass
Over me and through me
And where it has gone
I will turn the inner eye
Nothing will be there
Only I will remain."
-Frank Herbert

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18431968/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18431968/ Wed, 21 May 2008 14:04:50 PDT A forced ensuing mindless butchering malcontented disarray
Killing the soft scent of desire bloom forth a maiden's fire
Severed sutures closing mouths opened again to speak to sire
Answer back and broken up spread flee from gunfire blossoms fresh
Flowers of dead the spreading petals from the corpse and dirt with mesh
Don't gasp they can hear the pain the fear the pleasure faint
Falling fighting tossing down aloft aground claw it up and face your taint
Make up face down tears seeping from your eyes floating listless by
Measured byproduct fouled attempt at existence gone awry
Be mind-full of your soul-empty and pray to gods long dead
Me myself I'll take the road that leads towards the end in my head

----

Off the cuff again, sometimes it just needs to come out.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18257266/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/18257266/ Sat, 10 May 2008 12:38:23 PDT 1 "What? No!"
0 "Well it is now"
1 "Alright everybody out!"
0 "Do I have permission to run people out?"
1 "Yes, there a few people that can stay though"
0 "Okay, I'll figure out who they are"

Stuff happens, people leave. Only a couple people left.

1 "Oh my god someone tagged my bathroom! It looks like shit!"
0 "It's okay, I've seen this happen before, you have white walls, it'll be easy to cover up"

After everyone else is out, 1 crashes in her bed, 0 gets his coat out of her closet, checks on her, and is about to leave.

0 "Dude lock the door behind me"
2 "Yeahhhh.. yeah man... you're a ridiculously nice guy... you know that?"
0 "Yeah, it is ridiculous. Lock the door behind me okay?"
2 "Huh? Oh.. Yeah man.."

2 is drunk off his ass and is supposed to pass out on the couch.
0 leaves and stands outside talking to some people.

People who left and aren't aware the party is over try to come back while 0 is still outside, 2 didn't lock the door, of course.

0 "Hey hey! Party is over dude!"
0 "Do you live here? No? Okay go somewhere else then!"

1 comes out of her room to see 0 herding people out (again).

3 "Hey, what happened? Sorry I got here late."

1 starts crying on 3.

0 looks at 2.

0 "I thought I told you to lock the door."
2 "I tried man... I tried.."
0 "It's okay. It's all good. Just chill."
2 "I tried.. they just came in.."
0 "It's okay, forget it, its all good"

0 goes to leave, asks 1 if she's okay.

1 "Yeah, my mom is coming to pick me up, I'm just upset. I want to go to my mom's and sleep."
0 "Cool, take care, it'll be okay."

Suddenly some weird fucker comes in the back door (apparently also not locked by anyone).

4 "WHERES THE KOREAN?"
1 "Uhh?"
3 "Korean?"
0 "Party is over, we don't know a Korean, everybody left, you need to leave."
4 "I'M WITH THE ITALIANS, WHERES THE KOREAN"
3 "What korean?"
1 "Everybody left.."
0 "I don't care who you're with, you're leaving now, there is no Korean, everyone left."
4 "WHERE IS HE?"
0 "There is no Korean, leave, everyone is gone."

0 keeps walking towards 4 until he leaves out the back door. 0 picks up a broken chair leg and locks the door behind 4.

0 "I'm going to fuck this guy up if he tries to get back in here."

0 goes back to 1, 2, and 3.

0 "I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're safe"
1 "Mom's coming to pick me"
0 "Okay, I'll walk you out when she gets here"
1 "Thanks"

3 "What the fuck was up with that guy?"
0 "Dunno. I wasn't worried though, that dude had my back"

0 points to 2 half passed out on the couch.

2 "Yeah man.. I'd fuck him up.. Yeah.."
0 "See? I was all good."

1's mom shows up.

0 "Lock the door for real this time, okay?"
2 "Yeah man.."
0 "Right."
3 "Is the back door locked?"
0 "Go check it"
3 "Sure"

0 walks 1 out, gives her a hug. Waves as she leaves.

0 calls his dad to tell him how drunk and pissed off at shit he is, and walks 2 miles home at 2am past a graveyard.

It was a good night.

------

True story, happened to me last night.
Details and names removed to protect the guilty.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/17889740/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/17889740/ Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:11:44 PDT
I really just wanted that devsecret thing off my front page.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/17309564/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/17309564/ Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:00:13 PDT Body: Pick a empty number 1-400 and write a secret. Don't tell anyone your number it's a secret. Just repost when done, everyone has a secret


1. I definitely have an eating disorder. sometimes it's bulimia, sometimes I don't eat for a few days at a time.
2.Im falling for you hard. I love every second we spend together, and when we're not together I think about you constantly; I couldn't be happier. I hope you feel the same way...
3. I am 19 and ready to get married
4. You were never any good at sex.
5. I love a girl that is to pretty, to young, and to good for me. (no, not Hannah Montana)
6. I used to believe John Smith from Disney's Pocahontas was hot.
7. deep down inside, I know when they call me a slut, they're right.
8.i know, me too.
9. I'm not so sure about how I feel about my boyfriend. He's my dream man.. but he's just so far away, and I don't know if I could ever make it work.
10.I feel like I'm just going through the motions with you...and I've already found and lost the one for me. Also, 133 needs some serious counceling.
11. I hate my brother for being "better" than me no matter what.
12. i dont think i love myself
13. The biggest mistake of my life has been coming here to go to college, and not going farther away, even though I can't handle being away. And I deleted someone else's secret to put this one up. oops.
14. I'm afraid you will leave me because my body changed since I had our baby, i'm self concious about myself plus I hate your mom!!!
15. I always used to think that the Disney character Aladdin was hot.
16.I lost my virginity at 14 because i thought he would leave me if i didnt have sex with him. bastard.
17.I dont know who my sons father is.
18.i know i'm a whore, and apart of me likes it.
19.im still in love with my ex who hasnt talked to me since and ive tried to forget every single thing about him so i cant miss him..you cant miss what you forget
20.i have been cheated on so many times, that now i just expect it to happen.
21. i want to tell you so bad that i dont want to be your best friend or feel like a sister to you anymore, i want you to know that i am madly in love with you, and have been for over two years.
22. im truly in love with my boyfriend. .
23. I'm addicted to heroin
23. sometimes I think I'll always be single, by choice.
24. i literally hate all of my friends. i dont like talking to them hanging out with them or anything and i wish theyd all leave me alone
25.all i want is to find a girl that will appriciate me and care for me in the way that i would care for them but im indecisive and thats the reason i dont try and meet new people, i want the perfect girl to find me...love is not on my side
26.I have seriously thought about cheating on my husband, but, haven't yet.
27.I only love him when I'm drunk or high
28.I have slept with two guys in the same day.
29. Sometimes I worry that I'm not good for you and it freaks me out because I'm scared that you could be just as happy without me
30. I deserve better, so I don't know why I stay with you!
31. I love her with my everything
32. I am jealous of everyone and everything around me.
33. i have low self esteem
34. when I'm with my boyfriend and he touches, kisses, or holds me I pretend its you so I can get by
35. I hate my life.
36.I told a liars girlfriend i was over him... Im not.. then i go over to another crush and im all over him wishing it was the liar.. even though he lied!
37. My best friend blows me off so much but I bend over backwards when she finally wants to chill.....why?
38. I would do it just for you... I just wish I knew why, you don't deserve it. But I just want to do it and maybe you'll realize how awful you treat me.
39. I told you that I still love you, whne in truth I only want you for your body. Becuase I'm in love with him, but he won't give me even one single chance.
40. my dads an acoholic and i cant stand him and my mom is emotionaly abussive.. i want to kno where do i beloong?! they dont say i love u to me soo i believe that if they cant/dont love me then i wont let anyone else until they do!
41. I'm jealous that you have someone treating you so well, and I have nobody.
42. I pretend that I'm not thinking about him all the time.
43. i think im falling in love with some one that may be the "one"
44. I think I'm in love with my best friend...we're both girls.
45. sometimes I wish my girlfriend's best friend would disappear
46. I bought razorblades again. I used them again. I'm glad it's getting colder out so I can wear long sleeves.
47. I lie all the time. it's so bad, it's like no one knows the real me. NO ONE
48. just want's to be excepted for who i'm not for what i look like.
49. i am still in love with my exb... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/15414011/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/15414011/ Wed, 07 Nov 2007 22:55:05 PST Filling me with horror fury and pain
When will it stop, when will I feel safe again?

It's all in my head, this slithering creeping monstrosity
Or is it? Is it real, are these things really haunting me?
Dark and translucent abhorrent devil's progeny
Scraping at me tearing my flesh, death an inevitability

Don't give in, even as the darkness descends
Fight past my last breath even after my spirits ascends
My blood wet on the floor, clawing away at the bitter end
Slashing at the abyss, denying, unable to comprehend

Don't take me, don't take me, you can't have me, I won't let go
I push back against the creature, a black demon whose name I know
Fuck you, fuck your vengeance, I'll destroy you, you'll reap what you sow
A bloody fist I extend out and strike down my foe

Let this be a lesson, I will not stop, I will not cave
And when you least expect it, even the fearful will be brave

Fin.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/13374441/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/13374441/ Sat, 16 Jun 2007 22:09:41 PDT
Give me freedom or give me methamphetamines.

Fuck the future.

I don't need no arms around me.
I don't need no drugs to calm me.

I don't need no bullshit misinformation telling me that my vote counts but I'm a terrorist if I disagree.

I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/10543903/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/10543903/ Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:54:32 PST
"The time has come for you to forget the 11 point journal, instead write out 6 sets of 6 word stories, for every six writers we get to do this in their journals we're one step closer to the end of all things! " - ~Phifty

Now sentient, she destroyed her makers.
Why, she wondered, well why not?
Did they know? Who dared ask..
Awoke the singularity the transhumans did.
Last breath: I really loved her.
Death isn't so much like sleeping...


BOOM BABY!

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/10533708/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/10533708/ Sat, 28 Oct 2006 02:52:31 PDT However. It's not because I haven't been doing anything.
I've worked on a few stories and poems, but most of my effort has gone into non-DA art.
Predominately Music. Yes, I fancy myself a musician.
Some of the tracks I've worked on can be found on MySpace [link]
Oh horror of horrors, I know.

I've moved back to Chicago, downtown this time.
The "bang wow zoom" shit hasn't happened, which I knew was a long shot anyway.
But I don't care, I'd rather be here than where I was, I feel like I belong here. For now anyway.

Come say hi?

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9983554/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9983554/ Tue, 05 Sep 2006 23:50:51 PDT for each and all a chrome disguise
prompts for action force reaction
embody promise in a sheen so pure
hurt, the measure of blind ambition
the testament to your singular disease
against all wisdom you heed no warning
your desires giving you away

If I could change your mind
i wouldn't save you from the path you wander
in desperation dreams any soul can set you free
and I still hear you scream
in every breath, in every single motion
burning innocence the fire to set you free

Your actions turn conquest to dust
in portents of fate you foolishly place trust
sense fear in your broken breathing
resort to shadows till your body expires
all creation has the promise of heaven
and still you travel the road to hell
i'm saying nothing for the good of myself
but I'm still talking and you're not listening

If I could change your mind
i wouldn't save you from the path you wander
in desperation dreams any soul can set you free
and I still hear you scream
in every breath, in every single motion
burning innocence the fire to set you free

As night descends upon the city
the streets are cold, the lights go by
and in the stories of the people
a million faces, a million lies
they'll never say they feel what you feel
that they can see the world you see
and in their faces, their expressions
a million faces, a million lies"
-Chrome, VNV Nation

"don’t know what to do
life seems so empty without you
don’t know if it’s true
you didn’t want to hurt me, desert me

love breeds suicide
love kills me inside

just want to know
is there a reason for living
just want to go
back where we came from, I’m begging you

love breeds suicide
love kills me inside

you were my reason for living
why did it end
why did it end
you were my sunshine, my living
why did it end
why did it end"
-Loves Breeds Suicide, Suicide Commando

"Play it out, for me again, let's do that little charade,
It was so much fun when I bled dry.
See my smile, see how my face is always turned to watch you?
See how I care, how I love and give of myself to benefit you?

And that's when the darkness seeped in, the clouds forming darkly in the sky
The rain like tears, the lightning like all of your fears, all your thoughts of suicide
It still hurts, you know, a sickening feeling, my stomach full of sand cold and coarse
To think how I'd have given you the world, myself even, all I got in return was remose

Somehow the wasn't the end, I just kept going
And I couldn't stop, always once more, always again, another chance, another caress..
Another hurt.
Hurt. And Pain.

And that's when the darkness seeped in, the clouds forming darkly in the sky
The rain like tears, the lightning like all of your fears, all your thoughts of suicide
Suicide.. Suicide..

Suicide.
All your thoughts of suicide.
Suicide.

Doesn't it feel so grand.. being dead?
No more hurt..
No more pain..

No more love..
No more hope..

No More.

No more, fuck that. I quit this pathetic game,
this sickening thing that drives me insane!
No more, fuck that, I left and I'm not coming back,
this is the end, the end of the game!

No more, fuck that. I quit this pathetic game,
this sickening thing that drives me insane!
No more, fuck that, I left and I'm not coming back,
this is the end, the end of the game!
End.. End.. End of the game..

Fuck that!

It was so much fun when I bled dry.
See my smile, see how my face is always turned to watch you?"
- Immorality, Negutyv Xeiro (me) ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9373101/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9373101/ Fri, 14 Jul 2006 08:13:23 PDT (we really need a bi-polar emote)
Listening to: The Killlers - Somebody Told Me (Mylo mix)
Reading: Your mind, it's not very interesting.
Watching: Random Kevin Smith movies

"Heaven ain't close in place like this.."

You ever had something happen to you, that made you simultaneously a better and worse person? Something that both gave you wings and nailed you down? Yeah, it's something like that. The spirit to soar, the baggage to make it impossible to rise.

It reminds me of something close to my heart. Maybe it's my spleen. Is your spleen close to your heart? I failed anatomy, but today I'm going to be your surgeon. So, let's see, what's been going on with me, hrm. Well music mainly, I've been slowy learning and growing musically, I think I'm for the first time really proud of some of the songs I've created, particularly this psytrance song I've christened "Immorality", don't ask me why, I guess I was feeling transgressive. Anyway, there's a lot of stuf upcoming for me, this could be me crawling from the "pit of despair" (don't even think about trying to escape) and if not into the light, then into the night.

-x ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9279781/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/9279781/ Wed, 05 Jul 2006 09:44:31 PDT And tomorrow today
And yesterday is weaving in and out

And the fluffy white lines
That the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front
of the waining of the moon"
...
"We are building a religion
We are making a brand
We're the only ones to turn to
When your castles turn to sand

Take a bite of this apple
Mr. corporate invents
Take a walk through the jungle
Of cardboard shanties and tents

Some people drink Pepsi
Some people drink Coke
The wacky morning DJ
Says democracy's a joke

He says now do you believe
In the one big song
He's now accepting callers
Who would like to sing along

She says, do you believe
In the one true edge
By fastening your safety belts
And stepping towards the ledge"
- Comfort Eagle, Cake

We're building a religion, a religion that's invented, an invention that's demented.
Can you Believe™? Can you show me your Faith™? A faith that's a joke.
What's left? What's this? You can have what's left. What's left is smoke.

I'm building a religion, a religion that's demented, a demention I invented.
- x ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8303182/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8303182/ Wed, 29 Mar 2006 09:40:50 PST I'd swim to the bottom and drink it all up,
But the ocean's not whiskey, and I'm not a duck,
So we'll round up the cattle and then we'll get drunk"


If I were a month I would be: Either the month after January and before December or February on a leap year
If I were a day of the week I would be: The day after tomorrow.
If I were a time of day I would be: 3 am
If I were a planet I would be: I'd be the oort cloud.
If I were a animal I would be: A wolf.
If I were a direction I would be: A Dutch angle
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A futon.
If I were a historical figure I would be: Confucious.
If I were a liquid I would be: Wet
If I were a tree I would be: Cherry
If I were a flower/plant I would be: Salvia divinorum
If I were a kind of weather I would be: A hurricane
If I were a musical instrument I would be: A drum machine
If I were an emotion I would be: Desire
If I were a colour I would be: Black pearl
If I were a vegetable I would be: On life support
If I were a sound I would be: White noise
If I were an element I would be: The fifth one
If I were a car I would be: Kit
If I were a song I would be: :wumpscut: - Rush
If I were a movie I would be directed by: The movie would direct itself
If I were a book I would be written by: The book would write itself
If I were a food I would be: Spicy, and made on the spur of the moment
If I were a place I would be: Dark and inviting
If I were a material I would be: Metal that melts at your touch
If I were a taste I would be: Sweet and rich, overpoweringly so
If I were a scent I would be: Burning circuitboards
If I were a word I would be: Edificia
If I were an object I would be: A prism
If I were a body part I would be: The frontal lobe
If I were a facial expression I would be: A smartass look
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Brain
If I were a shape I would be a: Octogram
If I were a number I would be: Zero

Stolen from: ~SentimentallyScared ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8226147/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8226147/ Tue, 21 Mar 2006 11:15:19 PST Destroy what destroys you!
D.I.Y.
Do or die!"
- KMFDM

My computer got pissed off at me for abandoning it for a month and decided to not work when I got back. My hard drive that I brought with me got jet lag and also decided to crap out on me.

This sucks. ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8148961/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/8148961/ Mon, 13 Mar 2006 12:12:35 PST Bleh. ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7949126/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7949126/ Mon, 20 Feb 2006 03:10:19 PST Muahahahaha.
Hahahaha.
Ahahahahah.

Achem.

I'm in England, it's quite nice.
~SentimentallyScared is amazing, I'm with her here.

]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7634814/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7634814/ Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:15:45 PST He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speed
Not a quote of what he wrote but a paraphrase
Make it up as you go Keyser Soze
Highlights yes but don't underline 'em
Just live for N.O.W. like Gloria Steinem
Life is like Marion Barry
It's not all that it's cracked up to be
Like Fred Sanford when the big one comes
Find the meaning of life is there is none
It's twenty-four hours when you call it a day
Be Frank and say "I Did It My Way"
Don't give a flying nun no don't give a Gidget
Just have more fun than a well-oiled midget
If life were picture perfect you could frame it
But the world is a diaper so let someone else change it

Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home" ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7512763/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7512763/ Wed, 04 Jan 2006 21:55:06 PST
I sought refuge in a house on fire, I took shelter in a wall of flame
I built a prison in my own subconscious.
There's nothing else left, nothing else left to blame.


Empty a clip to ease my pain, I have this hate for everything.

So what, so what the fuck you want? Apologies up front?
Yeah right we fight to let it out, blow.
I want it right now, revengeance is a must.


But I am not your savior. I am just as fucked as you.

You can not save me, you can't even save yourself.
I can not save you, I can't even save myself.
Save yourself.
So just save yourself. ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7428628/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7428628/ Tue, 27 Dec 2005 06:23:00 PST I had a screenshot with the wallpaper of ~aperfectnightmare's that I modded (with her permission), with descriptions of the applications I used, links to the skins I used and everything. And something was bugging me about my userpage, it looked wrong. I just realized why.. my desktop screenshot is gone. What the hell?

----edit
Resubbed it, had the change the title because I previously submitted one with that title. ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7412902/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/7412902/ Sun, 25 Dec 2005 11:14:09 PST [link] Now, all I need is suggestions about what to do with it.. shoving it into various parts of my anatomy wasn't what I had in mind though..

"I am the voice inside your head that you can't hear"
- Negutyv Xeiro, Pure Taint [link] ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/6986644/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/6986644/ Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:11:38 PST Far from helping me [are] the words of my roaring!

2 O my God, I cry out daily, but you do not answer,
and in the night season, and there is no silence to me.

3 But You are holy,
sitting enthroned in the praises of Israel.

4 Our fathers trusted in You,
they trusted, and you rescued them;

5 to You they cried out, and were delivered,
in You they trusted and were not ashamed.

6 But I am a worm, and no man,
a reproach of men, and despised by the people."
-Psalms 22:1-6 [bible.org]

IT's funny. Tha first line was the last thing Yeshua (Jesus) supposedly said before death..
The title of his journal is the English transliteration of the Koine Greek transliteration of an Aramaic phrase..
Skipping the middleman (Koine Greek) It would sound like "Elee, Elee, Lema shabaqthanee" in English..

You're probably wondering what kind of crack I'm smoking. OR not. Either way, I find linguistics very interesting. As I do various religions.

Thinking with the classical trinity doctrine it would seem that god is indeed dead, he forsook himself as he died on a crucifix. Would that be a triple muder/suicide? Assisted multiple suicide? Consentual murder of a diety with multiple personality disorder?

But yeah, I want a tattoo of the aramaic phrase. You can't get much more heretical than quoting the bible.

-x ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/6233488/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/6233488/ Mon, 15 Aug 2005 11:24:16 PDT Lost and far from home
I walk without these walls
So there is less to fall

I am naked
I have nothing left
My bones are picked clean
And riddled with regrets
Nothing can touch me
I've nothing left to take
For I am naked
But I can never break

Bombarded by brutal events
Like the rays of a sun
Knocked to my knees
By the waves that continued to come
Each time I rise to my feet
I am knocked to the ground
But I am an element
Nothing can break me down"
- Naked, Assemblage 23


I noticed quite abruptly that I don't like taking pictures with clothes on.. To tell the truth.. I avoid wearing clothes when I can..

I'd say it was just because of where I'm staying and the heat and the humidity.. but even back home.. I liked it.. maye it makes me feel more free or something. I'm not ready to join the nudist colony yet though.


Werd.
]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5966314/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5966314/ Mon, 18 Jul 2005 08:32:25 PDT Hum this tune, a little unsung song
Flow a melody from your lips so proud
Dancing on your feet
As you fall to the dirt of the dancing grounds
Let yourself move with the music
Though you're bound and cuffed to the bed
The music is all in your head
A battered little beauty
Taken away and torn
Bleeding on the Cutting Room Floor
Write a silent symphony
For only your love's sweet body to hear
For her tears have your only sympathy
She's only a little girl
A perfect tainted addiction
That you hold so dear
Make her sing for you
Her pleasure I want to hear from her lips

Do a little turn for me on the dancefloor
A little harmony never harmed anybody
Twist in your dance steps until your body is ragged sore
Your insides an erotic agony
Stomp to the thumping rhythm
Let yourself thrash for the music you love to hear
The daydream: a nightmare
The cybogs on the dancefloor
Play the instruments louder, you must
Take my hand
Twirl into my arms
I'll bow, and you'll curtsey
Laid on the ground, a cold stone
Black, but bleeding
A little one, ripped and dreaming
Fallen from heaven's darkened door
Dying on the Cutting Room Floor..
..::.:..:...::..::...:. ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5166954/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5166954/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 11:39:11 PDT
Mood: WEEEEE?
Listening to: Assemblage 23 - Let The Wind Erase Me
Reading: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA
Watching: BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

[01.] Who are you?
[02.] Are we friends?
[03.] When and how did we meet?
[04.] How have I affected you?
[05.] What do you think of me?
[06.] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[07.] How long do you think we will be friends?
[08.] Do you like me?
[09.] Would you date me?
[10.] Would you kiss me?
[11.] Would you hug me?
[12.] Physically, what stands out?
[13.] Emotionally, what stands out?
[14.] Do you wish I was cooler?
[15.] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[16.] Am I loveable?
[17.] How long have you known me?
[18.] Describe me in one word.
[19.] What was your first impression?
[20.] Do you still think that way about me now?
[21.] What do you think my weakness is?
[22.] Do you think I'll get married?
[23.] What makes me happy?
[24.] What makes me sad?
[25.] What reminds you of me?
[26.] If you could give me anything what would it be?
[27.] How well do you know me?
[28.] When's the last time you saw me?
[29.] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[30.] Are you going to put this in your journal and see what I put about you?

Forever Mine: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: =DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My dude thing: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My luvvah: Vacancy
My somethingorother: ~coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: ~voices, = fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, =Icy-Flame , *TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, ~ starsplitter, *missmorbidminded, ~shockd , *Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7, =lilholyterror
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety (dead again), ~ VampiresUnite, Admin of ~DeviantCraft (sleeping), Staff of ~xdrowningxlessonsx (dead again), ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5147908/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/5147908/ Thu, 21 Apr 2005 11:43:49 PDT Thinking: I'll eat your soul. Bitch.
State of Mind: Muahahahahaha

Mood: I'm cunfuzzled..
Listening to: Greeday - Holiday
Reading: Angel & Demons.. by that dude..
Watching: Wouldn't you like to know

How did I end up subscribed.. how does all this shit work..


What.
The.
FUCK.
Did DA shit itself?
Why am I subscribed?
TELLith MEith NOWith!
IS this a trial thingy?
I'll eat your brainssss!

Forever Mine: ~SentimentallyScared
Whomever:
My Mommy: =DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My dude thing: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My luvvah: ~halfpipe360
My somethingorother: ~coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: ~voices, = fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, =Icy-Flame , *TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, ~ starsplitter, *missmorbidminded, ~shockd , *Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7, =lilholyterror
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety (dead again), ~ VampiresUnite, Admin of ~DeviantCraft (sleeping), Staff of ~xdrowningxlessonsx (dead again), ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4955814/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4955814/ Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:13:59 PST Listening to: Suicidal Tendancies - Institutionalized
Reading: The future. It looks like purple.
Watching: You. Through the window. I CAN SEE YOU.
Thinking: Wahahahahaandalliwantedwasafuckingpepsia ndshewouldntgiveittomesometimesitrytodot hingsandtheyjustdontworkoutthewayiwantit to
State of Mind: *twitch*

Hi.
You know me.
Yes me.
xybre.
Remember?
Oh don't worry about it, have a cookie.
I promise, by the time you're done eating it
you'll feel right as rain.
Why do dreams feel more real than when
I'm awake?
Crawl on me
Sink into me
Will you die for me?
More importantly:
Will you live for me?
Are you trying to say I'm crazy?
You're the one who's crazy.
And I love you that way.
Ah the symphony
I can relax.
IRC: breakfast of champions.
Addictive as heroin
and twice as fun.
Sorry I'm insane.
Forgive me this day my sins.
And then go fuck yourself.
I was staring at the wall.
I'm just thinking, you know?
Normal people don't act that way.
How can you be sure?
This is true love
you think this happens every day?
I will always come for you.
It would be in your best intrests.
Let me be your armor.
Let me be your shield.
You are my heaven tonight.
As you are every night.
Feel the breeze.
Feel my soul touch yours.
Feel me blow through you.
Be with me.
Hold me.
Love me.

Forever Mine: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: ~DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My dude thing: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My luvvah: ~halfpipe360
My somethingorother: ~coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: ~voices, * fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, *Icy-Flame , *TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, ~ starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~shockd , *Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7, *lilholyterror
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety (dead again), ~ VampiresUnite, Admin of ~DeviantCraft (sleeping), Staff of ~xdrowningxlessonsx (dead again), ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4636521/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4636521/ Mon, 21 Feb 2005 09:11:31 PST Listening to: Razed in Black - Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
Reading: Your mind. It's filthy.
Watching: Star wars Trilogy
Thinking: iwantineeditmusthaveilovemylovemygirlmyw orldallivecometobe
State of Mind: Not in the states, but south of the border

"And Henry VIII, a big hairy king, went up to the Pope and said, "Mr. Pope! I'm gonna marry my first wife, then I'm gonna divorce her. Now, I know what you're gonna say, but stick with me. My story gets better. Second wife, I'm gonna kill her! Cut her head off. Ah, not expecting that, are we? Third wife gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her in a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a rotissamat. Seventh wife, made out of jam..." and the Pope is saying, "You crazy bugger! You can't do all this, what are you a Mormon? It's illegal. What have you been reading? The gospel according to St. Bastard?""
Eddie Izzard - Dress to Kill

Hey all!
I'm working on a new story, I've given a few people a preview of it, they seem to like it, now if I can just do something useful with it.. It's a kind-of take off of an old concept of mine, and I havd this elaborate daydream which aproached it from a different angle, but I'd like to explore this, it has a lot of meaning to me personally, lot of metaphor and all, and the undertones of the story I hope can be picked up on.

I got ~DeviantCraft back up, it's my club for Starcraft deviants and such, I'm not going to advertise it, I just am glad I fianlly got it back up.

I have not written much lately, it's been kinda hard, only lately has anything worth mentioing come out of my head. I toyed around with photomanipulation, took a ton of pics of myself and all that, I don't think I'm great at either the photos or the manips, but it's kinda fun. I have a lot of pics, I don't really look at them, so I don't think of much to do with them, but, there's a lot..

I'm going to go write, listen to music, and chat. Feel free to drop a line.
~x

Forever Mine: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: ~DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My dude thing: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My luvvah: ~halfpipe360
My somethingorother: ~coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: ~voices, * fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, *Icy-Flame , *TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, ~ starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~shockd , *Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, ~ bionic7, *lilholyterror
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety (dead), Admin of ~DeviantCraft (It's back!), Staff of ~xdrowningxlessonsx (Also back, sorta), ~http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4458898/ Mon, 31 Jan 2005 03:33:26 PST Listening to: Covenant - We Stand Alone
Reading: Your mind. It's filthy.
Watching: Nothing. For a very long time.
Thinking: Wouldn't you like to know.
State of Mind: Arizona.

"Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain."
- Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller

"Let me take the fall
Let me take the blame
Let me carry you from hell to home again

Let me walk to you when your legs are weak
Let me find the words for you when you can't speak

(chorus)
Let me be your armor
Let me be your shield
Let me take away the pain you feel

Your armor..."
-Assemblage 23 - Let me be Your Armor

Seek the pain that I contain
Release the taint that makes me your saint
And pour your love into me
Does it feel like you imagined
To have me here inside you?

Just another lifetime without completion
Another soul lost in the wasteland of eternity
Burn me, crucify me, kiss me softly
Speak to me the words you bleed
Give a thought to how we were taught

Realize it was a lie, that love never died
My spirits guide me, leading me to some goal
A tangible aether that holds me when I'm without you

Like a rainstorm
Drowning in the water from my veins
-x

Mine: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My dude thing: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My luvvah: *halfpipe360
My somethingorother: ~coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, *Icy-Flame , *TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~shockd , *Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, ~ bionic7, *lilholyterror
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety (dead), ~ DeviantCraft (dead?), ~ xdrowningxlessonsx (dead), ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4407858/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4407858/ Tue, 25 Jan 2005 01:05:47 PST -Cherokee (Aniyunwiya) prayer


The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest (mosty) faithful watcher (go bug him): ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: ~ coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~ Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, ~ bionic7, *lilholyterror
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, *whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~Eomar, ~ VestBoy, *katboy-2499, *Awi * AlexanderFrost, *TheBadassDevil
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety, ~DeviantCraft, ~xdrowningxlessonsx, ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4279871/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4279871/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 17:31:20 PST All that blood rushing back again.

Purple dinosaurs suck.
That's why I like them.

First grade teacher's name: Which one?
Last word you said: Cool
Last song you sang: Whatever song there is to sing
Last person you hugged: Jasmine
Last thing you laughed at: *halfpipe360 's journal
Last time you said I don’t fucking remember: Yes.
Last time you cried: A month maybe. Bitches..
What's in your CD player: Zeromancer - Clone Your Lover
What colour socks are you wearing: Clear
What's under your bed: Dead bodies in plastic bags. Well.. the pieces I wanted to keep anyway..
What time did you wake up today: 1700ish
Current taste: Something with carbs so I have energy..
Current hair: Dark brown.. longish bangs (getting longer.. Yeah!) in need of a haircut otherwise
Current clothes: Black Dickes (they're cheap..) black fuzzy shirt with three horizontal stripes that look oddly like the German flag..
Current annoyance: Annoying things
Current longing: Er.. see below..
Current desktop picture: "You think she wants you"
Current worry: That people will find out that I'm listening to MC Hammer.. willingly..
Current hate: People who hurt those I care about.
Current favourite article of clothing: The fishnet arm "warmers" that really aren't mine..
Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: Stomach
Last CD that you listened to: The one in my CD player
Favourite place to be: In my dreams
Least favourite place: In reality
Time you wake up in the morning: Between 0300 and 2200...
If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Synth
Favourite colour: Black
Do you believe in an afterlife: Complex answer to that
How tall are you: 5'10" ish
Current favourite word/saying: Bugger
Favourite book: Neromancer by William Gibson
Favourite season: They all suck
One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Clayton DeHaven
Favourite day: Friday.. I guess..

[[[ FUTURE ]]]

Where do you want to go: Crazy
What is your career going to be like: *coughs*
How many kids do you want: All of them
What kind of car will you have: Black Supera

[[[ HAVE YOU EVER... ]]]

Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc?: Sure. Oh, you don't mean my ex..
Been to New York?: Yup
Been to Florida?: Uh huh
San Diego, Cali?: Yesh
Hawaii?: Not yet
Mexico?: Nope
China?: No
Danced naked?: In the mirror..
Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Probly
Wanted to be the opposite sex: Yes

[[[ RANDOM ]]]

Do you have a crush on someone?: No
What book are you reading now?: Blood Music by Greg Bear
Worst feeling in the world: Betrayal
What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: Finally.. it's dark
How many rings before you answer?: Answer what? The door? Then yes.
Future daughter's name: Aleksander
Future son's name: Onyx
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: I lost my stuffed animal..
If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?: Something non-corporeal
Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: I am whatever I want to be
College plans: *scratches himself*
Piercings: Good idea. One in my lip.. one or three in my left ear.. mabye more..

[[[ THE EXTRA STUFF ]]]

Do you do drugs? Nope
Do you drink: Not really
Who are your best friends?:
What are you most scared of?: Fear
What clothes do you sleep in?: Whatever I'm wearing when I go to sleep. Sometimes nothing.
Who is the last person that called you? Called me a what?
Where do you want to get married?: Purple
If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?: I would free my mind.
Who do you really hate?: Yes.
Favourite number: 1 googleplex. Not useful for playing the lottery.
Been In Love?: Yes
What Type Automobile Do You Drive:<... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4275763/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4275763/ Sun, 09 Jan 2005 07:20:09 PST Listening to: Switchblade Symphony - Sweet [Apoptygma Berzerk Remix]
Reading: Greg Bear - Blood Music
Watching: Something quotable
Thinking: itstheendoftheworldasweknowit
State of Mind: Yes, please.


Last night I went with Dave to this pool hall we go to, to meet up with Jasmine (my interest possibly), Lani (Dave's interest possibly), and Annie (who was there because of her interest). My sortakinda friend was there with my ex, I had a kind of mental flinch, froze up, not pleasant I assure you. Apparently everyone had decided to color their hair, my sortakinda friend dyed his hair blueish-black (he knew that's what I had wanted), ex had dyed her hair pinkish (wasn't paying much attention to her hair, just knew it was lighter), Annie had dyed her hair dark redish not long ago, and Jasmine's hair was dyed black (and looked sexy btw). I thought the coincidence of all of them was funny. Funny also because I need a haircut, and when I get it done, it'll be dyed too, not the blueish-black I had wanted, kinda looked fugly, maybe it was the cheap gell...
Anywho, Jasmine (if any of you have known me for a long time, NO this is not the same girl I wasted my time with so long ago ) ran up and gave me a hug, and saw the look on my face when I saw my ex there, and asked if I was okay, I wasn't really, I smiled, it was the first time I'd seen her since the night before she got pissed at me and said fuck me, she was sick of me that I wasn't doing anything with my life, WTF??? I'm FUCKING 19!!! What the hell do you want from me?!? You're 16, you can't tell me you want a five year plan! Bah. Anyway, no I know what she wanted, she just wanted to be able to talk to me whenever she felt like it, but I don't have a phone, and now apparently though that's understandable, what's not cool is that she's telling everyone shit about me, I found out from Dave, I was pissed when I heard.. Heh.. You know those things you say you'll never tell anyone? She telling them. It makes me ill, not because of what she says, but because she would say them at all. She can eat shit and die if she says that shit any more. I don't have a grudge against her for anything, for her to pull that.. is wrong. I'm just thinking of all the shit she did wrong, how many time she fucked up this or that, and I wouldn't have said a thing, it's called integrity people! Is anyone reading this???!? Whatever, I need to vent. I can't decide whether to fuck her over, with all the stuf I know, or to just confrot her, not in the "you fucking bitch what have you been saying about me" way, but in the "I hear you've said some things about me, what have you been saying?" of course all bets are off after that, if she goes into bitch mode so will I (unless I think of something better) and you could ask my friends, hehe I'm more complicated than a girl, I'm severely passive-agressive, I'm too smart for my own good, and I have ways.. to return.. "misplaced favors". Yes I'm a generally pissy mood. But only when it comes to her.
Gah, long entry.. sorry.. (to the like .5 people who read this) but I'm going out tonight with the same group minus the ex and my sortakinda friend, (who are are like brother and sister, only not at all) and I hope tonight goes better than last night (which wasn't that bad really, I just told you about the bad part). Erm.. final thing.. BA%EAEWMwvnwev0whbfGEWARB%Awe*IVhF UCKanv0whwRARARARAfww034wnmrwqaBIT CHcamweihj23lkwqdFUC KERqp0nadawdSEGWEGWWnapin
Okay, done.


So I got around to logging into DA's IRC network, you can find me on the server irc://irc.mediamonks.com in the room #incision

The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest (mosty) faithful watcher (go bug him): ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * ha... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4228428/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4228428/ Mon, 03 Jan 2005 11:05:16 PST Listening to: Project Pitchfork - Existance (VNV Nation Mix)
Reading: IRC scripts
Watching: Not TV, that's for sure
Thinking: Si vis pacem, para bellum.
State of Mind: iamamachine


Hey all,
I've been sick for about four days or so, more probably, I just can't count, besides that I feel pretty good, even though rent is due.. lease needs to be signed.. my girlfriend dumped me.. need to pay for storage.. erm.. yeah that's about it. Really, I'm not shitting you, I feel pretty good. No I'm not on drugs.
Yeah. Hrm. I woke up at 0300 today, and yesterday too. Went to bed at 1900ish. My sense of time is sooo screwed up. Lol. Before that I would go to bed at 0700 and wake up at 1500, 12 hours difference.

Yeah, that's my life. All fucked up, and still going strong.


So I got around to logging into DA's IRC network, you can find me on the server irc://irc.mediamonks.com in the room #incision

The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest (mosty) faithful watcher (go bug him): ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: ~ halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: ~ coldshadows

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~ Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, *whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~Eomar, ~ VestBoy, *katboy-2499, *Awi * AlexanderFrost, *TheBadassDevil
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety, ~DeviantCraft, ~xdrowningxlessonsx, ~loligoth2 ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4174802/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4174802/ Tue, 28 Dec 2004 04:48:02 PST Listening to: Anti-Flag - Die for the Government (yes I got this song just because of the following shit)
Reading: Ha, not my rights.
Watching: Some funny shit when I go to court.
Thinking: Pig...Fucker...Fuck with me....It's on...BITCH
State of Mind: Pissed. Amused. Out for metaphorical blood.


Okay, I just got FUCKING arrested for "Interfering with the police". FUCKfuckFUCKfuck. This stupid homophobic prick-ass pig hit me in the FACE slapped me, hit me whatFUCKINGever. He started ripping on me, he was like, "What, are you some stupid fag or goth or something, with your fingernail polish and trenchcoat?" I said to him, "My sexuality is none of your concern" BITCH. Honestly, I couldn't have given him a straight (no pun intended) answer about my sexuality. However, I think I scared the shit out of him. So from now on, I'm gay. Because A) I DO like guys B) It'll fuck him when I go to court. He is apparently the meanest pig in Villa Park, you should have seen the looks on the the other pigs' faces when he didn't fuck me over as bad as he could have. Well, I have shit on him. He better be fucking nice. He is going down. His name is so fucking stupid too. Gah. No wonder he's an ass, probly got made fun of in school with a name like Subject. Anyway, he did shit to me for no good reason at all, he broke my necklace too, could have fucked up my neck when he grabbed me like he did. I just kept telling him that what he was doing wasn't nessacary, I was calm as hell, the only time I almost snapped was when he slapped me a bunch of times after he threw my ass in the back of his car. My hands were cuffed behind my back and all, but I almost kicked the bastard in his snout. After that I went into scientist mode, no shit, no lies, calm as hell, I was direct with him. I told him not to touch me. He never read any fucking rights to me after he put the handcuffs on me. Snapped my picture, searched and emptied my coat (he didn't but he had anothe cop do it), asked me questions and shit. I will do everything in my power to fuck him over. Remember me Officer D. Subject of Villa Park Police Force. Never fuck with me. Arrest me if you want, I didn't do anything, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't hurt people, I don't lie on my taxes, I don't cheat on tests, you have nothing on me my friend, not shit. Fine, I don't care, I'm cool if it helps stroke your ego, but, you yank me around, you hit me, you stick me with false charges, be a pain in my ass. No, I draw the line when you hit me. Pull me once, forgivable, put me in cuffs, fine. Threaten to beat the shit out of me, whatever bitch. Touch me and I'll have your badge. Here me you pathetic fucker? Here me? You will. Oh but you will.

You want the rest of the story? Maybe I'll tell you. You ahve to talk to me though. They had a reason for it to start with, to hassle me and my friends, fine cool, everything else. No.


The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest (mosty) faithful watcher (go bug him): ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: ~ halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: ~ coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~ Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~ ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4146520/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4146520/ Fri, 24 Dec 2004 14:18:58 PST Listening to: Zeromancer - Send me an Angel
Reading: Charles Baudelaire
Watching: The bite marks heal... damn but that felt good...
Thinking: spinthetwistedgearsbeneaththisartificial skinthatglintssowickedlyinthebluesteelli ght
State of Mind: The lack thereof


Erm. Oops. I was having a bad night last night when I wrote my last journal... The first half of the journal had been written for like two weeks, that's why there was a sudden twist to anger/depression... Anyway, yeah forget it.

So I have my own place now, well, I have two roomates, but I pay for it, and it's considered mine too. They have three cats (one of which is chilling on my lap as I type this), one roomate is a computer network guru, and the other is into old school gothic/industrial music. Think Joy Division, The Cure, Depeche Mode, and the like. I'm about a 15 minute walk from my usual hang-out place, so that's cool. However I have no phone, and it's currently 9 fucking degrees Fahrenheit (that's -12.8 degrees Celcius in case you're uber-cool and don't live in the US) outside and I have no way of getting a ride anywhere as a result. So yeah, I bought two new rings, brushed surgical steel, one has a tribal-type symbol on it, the other is plain, they just about match.

In other news I plan on getting my rotting ~DeviantCraft club up and running, I'm such a slacker, and when I started the club I had no internet connection at home! So yeah, if you play Starcraft at all, then you can join this club just to let peole know or to get more people to play against. Yes I know Starcraft is an ancient game by modern computing standards, but fuck you I still play Duke Nukem 3D when I can.




The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest (mosty) faithful watcher (go bug him): ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: ~ halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: ~ coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, *betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~ Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, *whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/4141286/ Thu, 23 Dec 2004 23:54:32 PST Listening to: Bon Jovi - It's my life [Album Version]
Reading: NULL
Watching: My life at breakneck speed, racing down a road filled with pool-sized potholes. And liking it.
Thinking: weeimafuckheadrunforyourlifeandletmefuck withyourwifeyeahimakillandyouknowillfill yaandyesimsowhitethaticantrapbutilikelik eittrite
State of mind: So precious loving the thrill.

"What does it mean to you?
For me its something I just do.
I want something.
I need to feel the sickness in you.
I feel the reason as it's leaving me, no, not again.
Its quite decieving as I'm feeling the flesh make me bad."
- Korn - Make me Bad

"It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)"
- Bon Jovi - It's my Life

"You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round, round, round"
- Orgy - You Spin me Right Round


Hey all,
I haven't written much, and what I have I haven't submitted, if anyone wants me to play with or help them with a poem, then I can do that, I just need a place to start, I'm all for collabs, not that anyone else would bother with me other than ~SentimentallyScared, but hell, it's worth offering, and I'm bored as hell. Also, I welcome any sort of IMs or e-mails or whatever, while yes, I do kinda have a life, and friends IRL, I still want to meet people and have friends online.

Speaking of friends, no wait.. let's not.. Fuck it, maybe I will. Say someone tells you something that you only told one other person, and out of your own naive stupidity, you assumed that it wouldn't go any farther that the person you told. How would you react? I mean, really, so when you tell that same person that you can't talk to them about stuf, do they have any right to get offended? Fuck no. Anyway. I think I'm going to play depressedhermitgothdumbassboy tommorow and sleep all day and not go out or talk to my friends. I need time away, I need to think. I don't have one person that I can tell everything to, and it hurts. It does, like tears or like fears or a death inside of me, that lets my black bloody heart into the pain that is brought on by nonexistant strife, and a worthless pointless shameful life. Bah. I'm not a poet anymore, who am I kidding, I can't write anything of my own. I stil want to write but I can't start anything, just like life itself, an appropriate analogy. Fuck it. Forget it. Leave it be.


The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: ~ halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: ~ coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, *betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, ~ Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3964260/ Wed, 01 Dec 2004 13:13:34 PST I filled this out yesterday when I was in a sarcastic mood. It's amusing. If you're offended easily or if you think you don't judge people and you judge me to be psychotic, then think about what I just said.

10 Bands you've been listening a lot to lately:
1. Front Line Assembly
2. Assemblage 23
3. Razed in Black
4. Dope
5. The Bloodhound Gang
6. Korn
7. L'âme Immortelle
8. Nightwish
9. Killing Miranda
10. Marylin Manson - because I'm not a fucking music elitist, I listen to shit too. I mean.. uh...

9 Things you look forward to:
1. My fist in someone's face
2. Whatever is in front of me
3. Getting my own place
4. Getting a stable relationship
5. Life not sucking
6. Me not sucking (er...)
7. Sleeping
8. Understanding
9. Getting more music


8 Things you like to wear:
1. Black
2. Dress shirts
3. Trenchcoats
4. Boots
5. Eyeliner
6. Headphones
7. Jewelry
8. YOUR MOM ON MY FACE

7 Things that anger you:
1. People
2. Stupid people
3. Ignorant people
4. Arrogant people
5. My mother
6. Blind faith
7. Mean people


6 Things you say most days:
1. fuck
2. blast
3. Life sucks
4. I know...
5. eh
6. such is life

5 Things you do everyday:
1. Hate myself
2. Want to kill something
3. Think about people I've hurt
4. Think about people who've hurt me
5. Listen to music

4 People you want to spend more time with:
1. Eden
2. Megan
3. Andre
4. Lani


3 Movies you could watch over and over again:
1. The Matrix
2. The Princess Bride
3. Singing in the Rain (fuck you fuckers who think I'm kidding)

2 Of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. Front Line Assembly - Maniacal
2. Twisted Method - Fled

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. Certainly not myself

NUMBER OF:
- height: 5'10 or something like that
- shoe size: 12.5ish
- hair color: Dark brown, black or blued eventually...
- siblings: 1 half sister, 1 step-brother, and people who are better than family

LAST:
- movie you rented: I dunno
- movie you bought: Virus
- song you listened to: Gravity Kills - Guilty [Album Version]
- song that was stuck in your head: Nickleback - Figured you Out
- person you've called: Lani
- person that's called you: Lani
- show you've watched: Gilmore Girls?
- person you were thinking of: Eden

DO:
- you have a crush on someone: 0
- you wish you could live somewhere else: 1
- you believe in online dating: The value between yes and no
- others find you attractive: 1
- you want more piercings: 1
- you like cleaning: depends
-you write in cursive or print: Neither, I call it scrawl...

FAVORITE:
- food: eh
- thing to do: not telling
- thing to talk about: Philosophy
- drinks: I drink Seirra Mist compulsively, but I don't even know if I like it, Coffee
- clothes: The trenchcoat that I don't own yet and everyone knows that I'm in love with
- movies: ID4, The matrix, Singing in the Rain, The Princess Bride, Pulp Fiction, Nightmare Before Christmas, Dress to Kill
- holiday: none

HAVE YOU:
- ever cried over a girl: HA NO FUCKING WAY
- ever cried over a boy: eh
- ever been in a fist fight: Sorta
- ever been arrested: Not yet...


WHAT
- shampoo do you use: Fuck if I know (heh, I do know really)
- shoes do you wear: Either GBX black leather boots or black Vans (style = Influence)
- are you scared of: fucking up
- number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: 2ish
- number of people I consider my enemies: = earth's population - 2ish

FAVORITE:
- disney movie: The ones they didn't make
- word: something with four or 16 letters (Edifice is one awesome word too btw)
- nickname: Turner
- eye color: Yellow or Blue
- flower: I'd tell you but it'd be derided as gothic, so I'll just tell you that I hate flowers because I'm fucking allergic (because I am)

DO YOU THINK YOU A... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3899775/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3899775/ Tue, 23 Nov 2004 09:29:57 PST Listening to: Something that you hate, and that would make my mom's ears bleed
Reading: Nothing right now, my books are trapped at my mother's house
Watching: I still hate TV and I don't have any of my DVDs
Thinking: KILLkillKILLdieDIEdieBURNburnBURNfucking BITCH
State of mind: Bitter and Blasphemous


"Now is the time for me to rise to my feet
Wipe your spit from my face
Wipe these tears from my eyes
I've got to take my life back
One chance to make it right
I'm going to have my voice be heard
And bring meaning to this life"
- Hatebreed - I Will be Heard


Hi all. Sorry about the bit of angst in the last entry. I feel I must apologize becuase some people truely don't understand that I can't help it. They say to just get over it. They make fun of what they don't understand. So I apologize to you. Hate the messanger. Hi, I'm in a ranty mood. Also a sarcastic, cynical mood. So I'm quite pleasant at the moment. Fuckers.

So yeah, I'm going to get my stuf from my house today. The stuf my mother hasn't burned or whatever will return to my hand. I'll get my computer and clothes and I'll be free from her grasp. Yeah, so if anyone lives in the Chicagoland area, I'll probably be looking for a roomate, feel free to get in touch with me. Lol. I''m sure we'll have a rush for that offer. Bahaha. >,< Just ask Lauren and her parents, I'm a perfectly good person to live with. Really. I am. you don't belive me. Eh.


"My pupils dance, lost in a trance
Your sacred silence, losing all violence
Stars in their place, mirror your face
I have to find you, I need to seek my

Innervision, innervision..."
- System of a Down - Innervision


My Chatroom Visit if you like.

The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: * coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, * Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, ~whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~ ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3891713/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3891713/ Mon, 22 Nov 2004 09:31:10 PST Listening to: Killing Miranda - Angelfly
Reading: Nada
Watching: I fucking hate TV
Thinking: I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me...
State of mind: Wtf is a mind? It's that putrid thing that makes you feel isn't it? Bloody thing...


Welcome to ANGST central, where all your stupid-ass angst needs are fullfilled. Have fun fuckheads.
Weeeee! Feel that? It's the fucking roler-coaster ride called MY EMOTIONS. Bahahaha. You having fun riding too? I just want to HIDE this pain, this depression, this... SICKNESS inside me. And I do. So, trapped in it's cage of flesh and bone it gnaws at me. Wastes away my mind. Crushes my heart. Makes me cry. Makes me weak. Makes me bleed. Makes me seethe. Write. Scream. Break down. Die.
Fucking scum that I am. I'm so pissed at myself because I dont' fucking GET IT. I'm sorry I'm this way. I so fucking sorry that I can't GET OVER IT. I'm sorry that I can't just be happy. That I hate putting on a HAPPY FACE. That I want to kill, that I want to die, that I want it to end that I want it to start that I'm not the strong person everyone thinks i am that i cant makethings right that i hurt people i love that im a fuckup loser with no fuure or life that all i have to give is my love and my pitiful little life. ea;rlgkhqewr;ogvineav[oinewlsgm.. Blah. Fuck. I'm such a fucking depressed fuck.
Fuck. FUCK. Yes. So there. I'm pissed, I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm just me all over again. There'll be an upside. I know it. But I can't FEEL it.
Yeah. I'm sorry. for everything. to everyone.
Don't hate me. I'm just the messanger.


The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: * coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, * Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, ~whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~Eomar, ~ VestBoy, *katboy-2499, *Awi * AlexanderFrost, ~TheBadassDevil
Clubs: ~ ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3854293/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3854293/ Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:42:30 PST Listening to: Hatebreed - I Will Be Heard
Reading: Cut by Patricia McCormick
Watching: Some weird Frech movie thing...
Thinking: I am immortal I have inside me blood of kings; I have no rival, no man can be my equal!
State of mind: Wow... I actaully did it.... *astonishment*


I kinda got kicked out of my house. I also kinda kicked myself out. I don't plan on going back. I feel like a minor deity right now. I'm just insane, and I'm almost exactly where I want to be. I get to figure out things for myself. My stuf is all at my mom's, but I'm going to go pick it all up. My dad will probably come into town soon to help me through everything. I'm staying at ones of my friend's houses right now, and life is actually really good. I'm so happy. I've had to lie to my mom and decive her, I don't like having to do that. So now, she has no power over me, and I'm telling her everything. Things that she did not want to know. Things she can't even understand sometimes. But it's the truth. I will be heard.


The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: * coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, * Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, ~whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~Eomar, ~ VestBoy, *katboy-2499, *Awi * AlexanderFrost, ~TheBadassDevil
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety, ~DeviantCraft, ~xdrowningxlessonsx ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3840151/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3840151/ Mon, 15 Nov 2004 10:10:00 PST Listening to: Statc-X - I'm with Stupid (He's a Loser)
Reading: A Battletech book that makes me cry.
Watching: The Animatrix
Thinking: Thinking is the work of the devil. I do it constantly.
State of mind: Somewhere between manic and catonic.

I don't know what to say. No words. For a poet that's scary. Horrific even.
I'll tell you later.

The best person ever: ~ SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My whatever-the-hell-she-wants-to-be: * halfpipe360
My only-person-who-knows-my-music: * coldshadows

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, * starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded, * Blue-eyed, ~caitiff05, ~shockd, * Swordexpert, ~there-is-no-spoon, * bionic7
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, ~whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~Laura-Z, ~Eomar, ~ VestBoy, *katboy-2499, *Awi * AlexanderFrost, ~TheBadassDevil
Clubs: ~DarkPoetSociety, ~DeviantCraft, ~xdrowningxlessonsx ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3772493/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3772493/ Sat, 06 Nov 2004 23:07:29 PST Listening to: My Dead Girls Dance playlist....
Reading: My horoscope? Wtf?
Watching: Underworld
Thinking: OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG WTF have I gotten myself into? :thereisnoemotetodescribethefeelingsihav e:
State of mind: Someone kill me and save myself the trouble. Better yet, kill me for being the nicest asshole you will ever meet. Kill me for being fucked-up, for understanding someone who I had no right to understand, for hurting people who care for me, for playing god and turning out to be the devil.

"Let me dream here of a freedom
That will never be my own
If I do not pay the prize
Of forever being alone"
- L'âme Immortelle - Changes

"Lies to tell
Things to say now
Before I die
Look in my eyes"
- Leather Strip - Lies to Tell


I'm about to get really depressing. If you don't want to hear it then fuck off. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want to curl up in a fetal ball on a soft mattress, have my music playing really loud, and have someone to listen to me cry.
But you know what? I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE IT. I don't deserve that small comfort. Not until I can sort out this mess I sardonicaly refer to as my sorry-ass LIFE. Fuck me, and fuck you for all the stupid things I do. No. Even then. Nothing can redeem me for causing pain in those I care for, those who care for me. There are things I can never forgive myself for. Things that everyone involved have long forgotten. But not me. I remind myself of my mistakes every day. How I screwed up. How I hurt people. And keep hurting people. How I want to help, and even do often-times. But it would have worked itself out without my clumsy interferences. Do I ever really help? Or is it more that I just stick myself in a position where it looks like I'm helping - to me at least - but really am just a hinderence to progess? I'm a medler. And sometimes people will not only let me meddle, but want it. I usually just make observations and brutally honest comments. But then sometimes people will start wanting my opinion. Not just me speaking to dead air. It makes me feel useful. So often people couldn't give a rotten fingernail for my opinions or observations. Of course, pretty much all I do is observe. When I do end up in the middle of what I'm usually on the outside of, all hell breaks loose. The sky falls. Pigs grow wings and fly around the bits of debris from the perfectly blue sky that collapses around everything. Grrness.
Alright. Show's over folks. Nothing to see here.


"Doch selbst nach allen den Tagen
Suchen mich Nachts Dämonen heim
Die mir sanft von Dir erzählen
Und niemand hört mein stummes Schrein
In den Ruinen meiner Träume
Seh' ich nun langsam wieder klar
Und ich will einfach nicht glauben
Dass unsere Liebe eine Lüge war"
- L'âme Immortelle - Aus den Ruinen

"Molly hit the Floor, moving.

The Floor screamed.

It was miked and amplified, with pickups riding the four fat coil springs at the corners and contact mikes taped at random to rusting machine fragments. Somewhere the Lo Teks had an amp and a synthesizer, and now I made out of shapes of speakers overhead, above the cruel white floods.

A drumbeat began, electronic, like an amplified heart, steady as a metronome."
- Johnny Mnemonic, William Gibson


My love, my life: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: ~DPSmistress
My lover: ~the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet:... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3634692/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3634692/ Wed, 20 Oct 2004 13:15:27 PDT Listening to: A strange mix of L'âme Immortelle, MSI, Orgy, and Killing Miranda
Reading: Three books on Taoism (Tao Te Ching, The Inner Chapters, and something else I can't remember), a book on Zen Buddism written by a hardcore punk, Robota, and Myst: The book of Atrus
Watching: Tripex 3
Thinking: I need sedatives...
State of mind: Undefined Variable. Index out of bounds. Fatal exception. Syntax Error. BSOD!

"Ho hum the tune is dumb
The words don't mean a thing
Isn't this a silly song
For anyone to sing?"
- The Silly Song, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs


Hey there all you devious people.

Ha. Life never ceases to amaze me. Course then it then throws me down the stone staircase of depression, but hey, I'm fine right now. Anyway, yeah, stuf is just insane. I'm trying to get tickets for a vacation me and my friend Josh are planning, trying my best to keep the price down, it's hard. We might have to take a train the New York or something to get a cheaper flight over all. If anyone has suggestions, I would be appreciative.

I made some simple little wallpapers that I submitted in my ~Nitefaul account that has been so long neglected. The best one is the last one I submitted. It's purty... and stuf... It's just a stylized X and two stylized S's. But it looks cool to me. it's on my background at home and work.

Hmm. Yes, well then, I can't think of anything important to say...


"I am all-devouring Death,
the source of what is to come"
- Bhagavad Gita 10:34

"Moses suposes his toeses are roses
But Moses supposes erroneously
A Rose is a rose
A Nose is a nose
A Toese is a toese"
- Don & Cosmo, Singing in the Rain

If I gave you a designation that you don't like (or you have a better one), or would like to earn a designation, note me with a suggestion to change it/add you.

My love, my life: ~SentimentallyScared
My Mommy: *DPSmistress
My lover: *the-hyrax-lord
My fellow psychotic: ~ rproductionimpossibl
My devious little helper: ~LonelyTears
My dragonet: ~Reb29
My longest faithful watcher: ~wordman
My Starcraft guru: ~BliZZaRDAdIcT
My Sith Apprentice/Bitch: ~saltyjon

The graphic artist wannabe part of me: ~ Nitefaul

Some extremely cool people: *voices, ~ fragilemacabre, ~mentalchick, ~emsox, * Icy-Flame, ~TheZeez, ~betweensmiles, ~ starsplitter, ~missmorbidminded
Other just plain cool people: ~thezombie , ~Scythian, *plif, ~SilentScribe, ~ RoadragedRoadrunner, ~wings-of-alundra, *Iselen, ~whimsical-whysper, ~Sn0w3h, ~ sonne22, ~davest, ~http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3564902/ Mon, 11 Oct 2004 12:00:41 PDT Reading: The chat log of how it went down
Watching: The Trilogy on DVD. (you better know which trilogy)
Thinking: I have a muse, and her name is ~SentimentallyScared

Um. Yeah. Tripped out. So it's true. I'm going out with ~SentimentallyScared . How it all came about is somewhat interesting. I've never done anything like that in my life.

Xybre: I told one of my friends about what's been going on, with you and me, and she's like "So you're not just friends then?"
Xybre: I didn't know what to say.
Xybre: What should I say?
SentimentallyScared: how much did you tell her ?
Xybre: Not much really, but I linked her to our poems.
SentimentallyScared: ahhh
SentimentallyScared: yes those are a little more than friendly
Xybre: Lol.
Xybre: So are we.
SentimentallyScared: true
Xybre: Yeah, so that's what I've been trying to figure out.
SentimentallyScared: come to a conclusion yet ?
Xybre: Well, no. Beause I need to know what you think.
SentimentallyScared: well ...
Xybre: Well?
SentimentallyScared: lol yes well
Xybre: Lol. Well?
SentimentallyScared: well ... i think that i am rather fond of my squishy
Xybre: Hmmm. That's not vauge or anything...
SentimentallyScared: lol you expect too much of me
SentimentallyScared: i'm indecisive
Xybre: Do you want me to decide for you? Lol.
Xybre: You don't have to decide now.
SentimentallyScared: yes can you please
Xybre: Lol.
SentimentallyScared: please
SentimentallyScared: pretty please
Xybre: Well, how much do you like me?
Xybre: I mean, if I go to the UK, are you going to be there to see me?
SentimentallyScared: hell yeah or i'll die trying
Xybre: Can I give you a hug when I see you?
Xybre: A kiss?
SentimentallyScared: yes
Xybre: Yes? Really? Both?
SentimentallyScared: yup
Xybre: Can I hold you and tell all the pervs on DA to bugger off?
SentimentallyScared: lol yes
Xybre: Are you mine? Can I be yours?
SentimentallyScared: i'm yours
Xybre: Well.
Xybre: Seems to me, you've already made your decision.
SentimentallyScared: lol
Xybre: Well, here's the kicker...
Xybre: Can I tell the world that you're my girlfriend?
SentimentallyScared: yes
Xybre: Alright.
Xybre: Then I will.

I'm so saving that log.

GF:

Friends:

Other cool people:
~wordman *diamondie ~thezombie *voices ~ Scythian *plif ~fragilemacabre ~ SilentScribe ~RoadragedRoadrunner ~ missmorbidminded ~wings-of-alundra * Iselen ~BliZZaRDAdIcT ~whimsical-whysper ~Sn0w3h ~sonne22 ~starsplitter ~davest ~Laura-Z ~Eomar ~VestBoy *katboy-2499 * Awi *http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3482196/ Thu, 30 Sep 2004 17:01:49 PDT Reading: nothing, I'm no longer a book worm. Just a loser.
Watching: The Trilogy on DVD. (you better know which trilogy)
Thinking: Wtf are donut seeds?

"Here we belong. Fighting to survive.
In a world with the darkest powers.
And here we are. We're the princes of the universe.
Here we belong. Fighting for survival.
We've come to be the rulers of your world.
I am immortal.I have inside me blood of kings.
I have no rival. No man can be my equal.
Take me to the future of your world."
- Queen - Princes of the Universe (theme from Highlander - The Series)


So yeah, I needed to get that last entry off my devpage.

...

Stuf happens that you can't control. Matter of fact, that what most stuf is. OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. So, yeah. What can you do. I think I'm going to try and laugh at life more. But thanks to poeple like Alex, my humor is more twisted than it used to be. Thank you Alex. Btw, your infection is spreading, and I now have a rash all over my body.

*achem* So, uh, yeah. *leaves*

" if you want to meet girls, I'll take you out
I want nice nerd girls, not coked-up models." - bash.org, quote # 722

Friends:

Other cool people:
~wordman *diamondie ~thezombie *voices ~ Scythian *plif *fragilemacabre ~ SilentScribe ~RoadragedRoadrunner ~ missmorbidminded ~wings-of-alundra * Iselen ~BliZZaRDAdIcT ~whimsical-whysper ~Sn0w3h ~sonne22 ~starsplitter !davest ~Laura-Z ~Eomar ~VestBoy *katboy-2499 * Awi *Icy-Flame ~TheZeez ~betweensmiles * AlexanderFrost ~emsox ~TheBadassDevil ~ mentalchick ~LonelyTears
Clubs:
~DarkPoetSociety ~DeviantCraft ~ xdrowningxlessonsx ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3306689/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3306689/ Tue, 07 Sep 2004 08:52:51 PDT Reading: This long bloody jouranl entry
Watching: Galaxy Quest
Thinking: learn - assimilate - destroy - annihilate - evlove (vauge reference to StarCraft's Zerg, if you know the game, you know what I'm talking about. maybe)

"What we share with everyone is glum and dark."
- Skinny Puppy, Ghostman

Here's what has been happening in my life, now you probably wouldn't be reading this if you didn't want to know, so I'm going to tell you.
Some time ago (read: a few months maybe) I got into a discussion with a friend of mine and he asked me which girl I liked, and if he knew her. I told him that he did, and he tried to guess who it was, he told me he would tell me about whoever it was. Eventually I told him about the girl Jasmine (pronounced: Has-meen), he then told me that he wouldn't have anything to do with her and that I deserved better.
So, more recently, I went on vacation for a few weeks, my PDA dies and I lose all my phone numbers, so I can't call anyone. When I get home I am able to recover most of my numbers and such. One of the first people I call is this friend (name: Roberto). So I'm talking to him, and the dialouge tuns into something like this:
Roberto: "So did you get fat on vacation"
Me: Lol, "No actually, I thought for sure I would though."
Roberto: "Man, having a girlfriend is hard work."
Me: "What?"
Roberto: "Having a girlfriend is hard work."
Me: "And what does that have to do with going on vacation?"
Roberto: "Well, you go out to eat a lot."
Me: "Ah. So... who are you going out with?"
Roberto: "Nobody told you?"
Me: "I was on vacation."
Roberto: "Oh, uh, I'll tell you later."
Me: "Come on man, you have to tell me now."
Roberto: "Uh, you're going to be... Uh, I don't want to talk about it here."
Me: "You can't just leave me hanging."
Roberto: "Guess."
Me: "Sandra."
Roberto: Lol, "No."
Me: "Well who then?"
Roberto: "Uh, you remember that girl..."
Me: you son of a....
Roberto: "... that you told me you liked?"
Me: "Yesss...."
Roberto: "Her."
Me: "Oh."
Roberto: "Are you mad?"
Me: "I'll tell you later."

So that is how it went down. After I got off the phone with him, I cried. I didn't eat dinner with my family, they all kind of just stared at me as I sat at the table fighting off tears and about to break into hysterical laughter. Eventually I made a melodramatic exit when my mom asked me what was wrong. I felt better later that night and was able to eat something, but I was not a happy camper. So I thought about it until late in the night, and refused to tell my family about what went on for a week or so. The first person I told was my friend Shane, he's closer to my mom's age than mine. The only reason I didn't tell my best friend Josh about it is because I couldn't get a hold of him, which kinda pissed me off. That sort of thing had never happened o me before and it just felt wrong. Everyone confirmed my suspicion that it was a taboo thing to do. I eventually was alone with Roberto and he apologized to me. I couldn't do anything except forgive him. Most other people would've probly punched him. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. My dad (who lives in Missouri, and was probably the third person I told) told me that maybe it just wasn't meant to be, that wasn't really a comforting thought. But I decided it really was, I had been stressing over her for so long and wasn't doing anything that it just wasn't healthy, but I guess it was just the shock. I would not have had a problem with Roberto going out with Jasmine if he had not previously asked me who I liked and then told me what he did. That's what pisses me off. Those two were my main links to their groups, and now I don't know how much I can stand to be around them. Both of them are still nice to me, but that only leads me to believe that she never thought of me in the way I was sure she had been thinking of Roberto. Probably my fault. So now I feel kind of shut off from the people I had been hanging out with. I absolutely refuse to go crazy like I did before. I think Jasmine was the unobtainable for me, I really always knew that, but there was that foolish human emotion known as hope getting in the way. Well that and unusually low levels of serotonin.
I'm mostly over it, makes life a bit different I suppose.
So if anyone knows a chick that wears black, listens to Industrial, and is smart; let me know.

"Shoot first! Shoot Last! Party with me we'll have a blast!"
- Twitch, Knights of the Old Republic
~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3193276/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/3193276/ Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:59:01 PDT Wish I was Listening to: anything by Front Line Assembly
Reading: Just the words on this webpage.... (I finished The Sound and the Fury btw)
Watching: Probably Akira when I get home
Playing: Mechwarrior 4 Mercenaries

Well, as you can see, I finally returned from vacation.
... Brb... ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2878881/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2878881/ Wed, 14 Jul 2004 08:51:21 PDT

You must surely realize the shock a person who never had a social life or any friends must go through when they are thrust suddenly (yet over time - if that makes any sense) into a group of people that accept them and doesn't prejudge them for the way they dress, speak or any other superficial trait.
Yeah, so I've been watching the social interaction of this group of people, and I must have been blind at first, becasue I couldn't see any stratification or subdivision. It was there though, and it is quite an experience to see the social structure at work, especially when I'm so involved with it. I'm not yet considered to be in one group entirely, but I see how things could progress, there is a group, which unknowingly and intuitively I am drawn to. My friends are in that group, Jasmine is in that group, and I don't like the vibe of the other group, it's too... something. I refrain from trying to force them into the American Education System Standard Social Structure Template that I've experienced for so long.
I'm changing again. Or I should say I am changing more.
I, uh, started wearing diffent kinds of clothes. I'm freaking some people out by not wearing my standard issue black clothes as much. I'm getting compliments on my clothes and on my appearance. I'm losing weight, and getting more into shape. I know though, or at least my Altern mind is screaming that I'm only getting complimented becasue I'm conforming. But I'm not really conforming, I'm just trying something different. I have more things I would like to experiement with, and maybe they will serve to help me reach my goals...
I've been reading notproud.com, it's interesting, and sometimes downright funny, but not always. It got me thinking though. I act all self-depreciating, and I don't want to think much of myself, and in many ways I have very low self esteem. Yet at the same time, inside, I'm arrogant. No one really sees this, becasue in addition to my arrogance is fear. I fear being wrong, but I'm rather quick to admit it, or at least the possiblity.
My mom made me start taking my medication again. I was doing so well. I hadn't taken it for about two weeks, and everything was working out, I felt happy, I was constantly doing things with friends, and I wasn't tired. Now I'm back on it, and I'm always tired and some of my happiness has diminished. She makes me feel so guilty for not taking it. I hate that about her. The mind games she plays, the guilt she inflicts, the manipulative psychopath... What is she up to now I wonder.

Well I must leave this place for now. Check out my new wallper I made on my graphics account. ~Nitefaul

"Jesus loves me, but everyone else thinks I'm a prick"
-Pride92 - [link] ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2808497/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2808497/ Mon, 05 Jul 2004 10:51:38 PDT
There has been so much going on... You may have noticed that I'm not on DA very much lately. My work study money ran out, and the financial aid department has been giving me problems, so I can use the computers at work like I had been...

But other than that, I've undergone a huge shift in perspective, and I'm trying to keep it that way. I went through another spell of not liking Jasmine, and even now, I feel differently about her. It's interesting how things happen really. I had another girl that I was being really nice to, but it was part of my trying to break away more than anything. I'm stating to notice just how many girls I know. Far more than guys. Speaking of which, my friend Kat just gave me her number, so I'll call her later, maybe I can escape the clutches of my mother's paranoia for long enough to hang out with her for a while. I dunno. I'm working on it.

I talked to a friend of mine and his wife about how mentally unstable my mother is and how I can get out on my own. We were talking for like three hours. Stretches of depressing conversation punctuated with laughter and sacasm and humor. Just my kind of place. XD

I don't think I've ever spent so much time out of the house like I have the past few weeks. I realized how much I hate being at home. Home is evil. Ewww. It's the place I sleep, and that's all. Well, and play on my computer.

Well, I guess I'm done typing for the moment.
Later all! Much love,
Anthony/Xybre


"Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness"
- The Smashing Pumpkins - Zero

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

Friends:

Other cool people:
~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2627815/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2627815/ Thu, 10 Jun 2004 09:49:34 PDT Listening to:Xanther - The Charm of Contradiction
Reading: William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury; 40 writers or so, God noninclusive - The Bible

I'm bloody happy at the moment. Weirdness... Well, I was going to make ~ Icy-Flame guess at why, but I'll just spill it. Lol.
I called Jasmine last night. She sounded surprised, I think it may have something to do with that fact that I just found out about the bi-polar thing, maybe she thought I would avoid her. I don't blame her for thinking that way, I thought the same about her when I told her about some of my problems. Odd really. We're so used to being let down I guess. I just finished a new poem too, oh and I had coffee. Good coffeeeeeee. I need more. What's up with me? I dunno, but I had to avoid my family last night so they wouldn't see how happy I was and get all weird because of it. Spoils the happiness a bit. I'm bloody bored right now. Oh, I'm now telling everyone my real name and the girl I like's real name. Why for? I dunno, I just decided to. So, introductions: Hi I'm Anthony! My name is stupid, so that's why I went by Max Phate (is that not cool or what?), and during the course of my stories about Jasmine and I, I refered to er as Destiny - for obvious reasons. I did go through a spurt of about two weeks where I thought I was done with her. Now I see that I am not. Too bad really. I was looking forward to having nothing to do on my weekends. Lol. God, I'm so inane right now. Give me something to do! "73 new messages ( 1M | 3C | 33D | 36J )" er.... nevermind.

ps - cufee mskes me baad typer

"I love to hate! I love to hate!"
- the evil spider thing's song, Rose Petal Place. Lmao.

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, *metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep, :dev
Friends:

Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2478012/ Fri, 21 May 2004 15:44:32 PDT

Answer questions as follows:

Who are you?

Are we friends?

When and how did we meet?

How have I affected you?

What do you think of me?

What's the fondest memory you have of me?

How long do you think we will be friends?

Do you love me?

Do you have a crush on me? who doesn't?

Would you kiss me?

Would you hug me?

Physically, what stands out?

Emotionally, what stands out?

Do you wish I was cooler?

On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

Am I lovable?

How long have you known me?

Describe me in one word.

What was your first impression?

Do you still think that way about me now?

What do you think my weakness is?

Do you think I'll get married?

What makes me happy?

What makes me sad?

What reminds you of me?

If you could give me anything what would it be?

How well do you know me?

When's the last time you saw me?

Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

Do you think I could kill someone?

Are you going to put this on your deviant journal and see what I say about you?

-----------------------------------
The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep
Friends:

Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2463919/ Wed, 19 May 2004 16:07:56 PDT Listening to:Smile.dk - Dragonfly (don't ask, lol)
Reading: William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury; 40 writers or so, God noninclusive - The Bible
Watching: Roland EmerichStargate (Director's Cut) (over and over and over... I wish I had Akira at least )

Well. Today was interesting. I spent about two hours in the shout box and that's it. I've IMing ever since. Lol. I read all the poems in my messages. I'm to lazy to read the long prose right now (sorry :devstarslpitter. I met ~Icy-Flame today! And I met :thezees: yesterday. Yea for the sb! Lol. I've met a lot of cool people there. Gotta go!

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep, :dev
Friends:

Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2426064/ Fri, 14 May 2004 07:06:21 PDT
I started a club! It's called ~ DeviantCraft It's purpose is to find people on DA that love to play Starcraft and get them together and arrange tournaments. ~katboy-2499 and I are the founders, we came up with the idea while chatting in the shoutbox.

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~Mint-chan, ~ betweensmiles, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep
Friends:
~katboy-2499
Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2372189/ Thu, 06 May 2004 14:24:12 PDT Listening To: PPK - Ressurection (Space Club Mix)
Reading: God knows how many books
Watching: Er...

So, yeah, I have my own radio station on Yahoo! Music now. Coolness... Go to Xybreus's Station to listen to it.
I've +faved such artists as Zeromancer, NIN, KoRn, Razed in Black, Drowning Pool, Orgy and Kittie. I exed such bands as everything in the country, pop, jazz and and a couple other genres.
As I listen to the station, and recored my opinions, I noticed a gradual change from sounding like a regular radio station to a radio station that I would actually listen to. Sweet.
I stopped listening to real radio stations about six months ago. They suck. They are trying to appease everybody, and not doing a very good job. I've been finding and been introduced to music that most poeple I know have never heard of. It's great. I love music.
I honestly couldn't believe that some of my favorite, nearly unheard-of bands were on Yahoo! I almost don't like it. :/
But, I'm fine with it for now. Blast, I sound like a commercial. Oh, well.

Quote:
"In the words of my generation: Up Yours!"
- Russell, ID4

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~Mint-chan, ~ betweensmiles, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep
Friends:

Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2350984/ Tue, 04 May 2004 08:57:27 PDT Nobody message me on Mondays, Wednsdays, Saturday, or Sunday. Apparently Yahoo Instant Messanger starts up with my workstation and someone else will be using it. I don't want some random person chatting with my friends. I'll fix it tomorrow, but I'm paranoid so I want to be sure. If I message you on one of those days, make sure it's actually me.

In other news:
I'm nineteen, and I have an 11:00pm curfew. What's wrong with this picture?
The square root of infinity, is still inifinity. I think. I mean after all, it takes two infinite numbers to make an infinite number.
Work is going great, my boss is anti-micro-management.
My new computer should arrive in the next two days or so. It's so pretty!
Also pretty is my current desktop. I have a screenshot up now.

Quote:
"The success of any given nation is not determined by it's wealth or power, but by it's ability to decieve it's citizens." - me

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~Mint-chan, ~ betweensmiles, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose, ~IntoDeep
Friends:

Other cool people:
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2302341/ Mon, 26 Apr 2004 12:14:32 PDT Need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I
Need you to stay away from me!
Sometimes I
In disbelief I didn't know
Somehow I
Need you to go..."
-Linkin Park, Don't Stay ]]> ~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2280306/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2280306/ Fri, 23 Apr 2004 11:41:05 PDT Yes I did it. I actually called Her. So there .
I'm going to call Her again tonight too. If you have no idea who I'm talking about, read A Date with Destiny .

Lol. I just finished reading A Portrait of J. Random Hacker, It was so remnicent of me, so as to be undescribable. I noticed that although Hackers have poor face-to-face communication skills they commonly become linguists and are better at writing than speaking. The similarities are striking. Same with Hacker Writing style (though that sould probaby read "The hacker writing style"). Wow. I'm a hacker at heart... *sniffle* If I wanted to, I could throw all my Hackerishness away by downloading Sub7. Nah, I'll write my own in a bit.

I just realized something. Then I forgot it!

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~Mint-chan, ~ betweensmiles, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose

Friends:


Cool people, not really friends though (yet):
~xybre http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2255324/ http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2255324/ Tue, 20 Apr 2004 07:29:14 PDT .<

Listening to: ZoulActive - SoulSearcher
Reading: William Faulkener - The Sound and the Fury (got the book from Her )

I saw Her again this weekend. She looked even more beautiful than usual. I might have hung out with her, but I'm an idiot. So instead I went over to a friend's house and chatted online with ~ DPSmistress (for an hour or so) about how to broach the subject to Her. The real question is when I should call Her... today, or tommorow. I'm really tired today, so I may procrastinate. Gah. Oh, well.

Quote:
"Stark above the ribbon road
on a naked branch of oak
Staring daughter of midnight charades
Steaming shadows all around her
weaving in and out and down
Her saddened laughter - winged shoulder blades
Moonlight caress soft white face
lifted to the painted sky
Save your fears for another day
I want to take your tear
and wipe them all away
I want to stand by you
I want to feel you holding on to me
Oh, how I wish I wasn't falling for you
but I cannot shake away this need"
-Lost in Place, Raven(Angel)
I know I quote this song a lot, but I really like it.

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~tainted-visions, ~Mint-chan, ~ betweensmiles, ~metalmistress, ~ ameliarose

Friends:


Cool people, not really friends though (yet):
, http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2205557/ Mon, 12 Apr 2004 08:03:18 PDT Listening to: Mutated Recordings - Hypnosis
Watching: The ravers on the dance floor of my mind.

I mean look at this: I write tons of emotional poetry, love, hate and what have you, and I just wrote an expansion on Antisexuality that denounces love and sex and all that. I'm a blasted walking contradiction. I was just ranting I suppose.

Ah, but speaking of love, I've decided that I'm too impatient and am expecting too much too soon from both Her and myself. I got a chance to see Her over the weekend, and much to my surprise, she sat right next to me, and though we couldn't talk privately (we were in a group of people), I got the distinct impression that it wasn't all in my head. Also, she asked me if I was going (to someones house) before she agreed. Yea! I always was for taking things slow, but I was afraid she would slip away. I'm not worried anymore.

Random Quote:
"Oh, yea! Life goes on,
Long after the thrill
of livin' is gone."
- Jack and Diane, John Mellencamp
- note: I really don't like this song, I heard it on the way to see Her, and I do like these lines. The rest sucks.

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~Aryxa, ~DogDate, ~JediBAMF, ~ tainted-visions, ~chelkitkat, ~ Terrificchazeychaz, ~Mint-chan, * jimbob2000, ~oliveliketoriot

Friends:


Cool people, not really friends though (yet):
http://xybre.deviantart.com/journal/2136162/ Fri, 02 Apr 2004 09:55:49 PST Listening to: Static-X - Bled for Days

Hello there.
I've noticed people are getting slugish, people are getting busy, people are getting a million messages a day, on other deviant's deviations. :/ Hmm, I'm getting more people to see my work too though, I got a few people on my ~Nitefaul account checking me out, but I don't know what will come of it. I just submitted all my useful art into ~Nitefaul, I'm going to delete all the art, and junk, out of this account. I'm keeping only my poetry, prose, one devID, and one screenshot. I plan to comment on more of my ~DarkPoetSociety brethren, I'll start today - maybe. Okay, I suppose I've wasted enough of your time. Later.

Random Quote:
"Life is short, death is forever."
- Xynwrithian Book of Proverbs, Xybre

The half of me that thinks it can draw: ~Nitefaul

New contacts:
~Aryxa, ~DogDate, ~JediBAMF, ~ tainted-visions, ~chelkitkat, ~ Terrificchazeychaz, ~Mint-chan, * jimbob2000, ~oliveliketoriot

Friends:


Cool people, not really friends though (yet):


Clubs:


Geek Code Homepage: [link]
-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1
GCS/GIT/GL/GS/GO d--(d+) s:+ a18 C++++ UL++++ P+>