http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:ynangel&section=today deviantART RSS for by:ynangel en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:30:08 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20479853/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20479853/ Sat, 13 Sep 2008 21:55:56 PDT
Boy
[] you love hoodies.
[x] you love jeans.
[x] dogs are better than cats.
[x] it's hilarious when people get hurt.
[x] you've played with/against boys on a team.
[] shopping is torture.
[] sad movies suck.
[] you own an x-box.
[] played with hotwheels cars as a kid.
[] at some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[] you own a DS, PS2 or sega.
[] you used to be obsessed with power rangers.
[x] you watch sports on TV.
[x] gory movies are cool.
[x] you go to your dad for advice.
[] you own like a trillion baseball caps.
[] you like going to football games.
[] you used to/do collect baseball cards.
[] baggy pants are cool to wear.
[] it's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[x] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[x] you love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[] sports are fun.
[x] talk with food in your mouth.
[] wear boxers.
Total: 10

Girl
[x] you wear lip gloss.(SOMETIMES)
[] you love to shop.
[x] you wear eyeliner.
[] you have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[] you wear the color pink.
[x] go to your mom for advice.
[] you consider cheerleading a sport.
[] you hate wearing the color black.
[x] you like hanging out at the mall.
[x] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[x] you like wearing jewelry.
[x] skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[] you don't like the movie star wars.
[x] you are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[x] it takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.(It takes me about thirty minutes to dry myself and pick out clothes )
[x] you smile a lot more than you should.
[x] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] you care about what you look like.
[x] you like wearing dresses when you can.
[x] you like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[x] you wear girl underwear.
[] used to play with dolls as little kid.
[] like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[] like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored.
Total:15

HA! I’m more girly than I am like a guy

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242184/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242184/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:54:22 PDT
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice !

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their
Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks,
Write 'For Marijuana'

6. Finish All Your sentences with
'In Accordance With The Prophecy.'

7. Skip down the hall rather than Walk
And see how many looks you get.


8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go
Out to eat, with a serious face.

9 . Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Par ty Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM,
Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14 . When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

It's Called . THERAPY

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I'd so do these, especially number one!!! (I'd make my mom do it with me she so would!)

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242156/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242156/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:53:12 PDT
]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242091/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242091/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:48:49 PDT [link]

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242055/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20242055/ Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:46:25 PDT [link]
[link]

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20171679/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20171679/ Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:31:12 PDT I have to go from the back building (Annex) to the front of the main building into the "C" hall for Theatre. THEN I have to go past the Annex to the "G" hall which has it's own building for Leadership then go BACK to the "C" hall in the main building for Band then back over to the Annex for Art and then up the fucking stairs in the main building to Biology!!!And then I have lunch and on the first day I got lost in the cafiteria and as soon as I got into one line all the food was gone and I had to move to another. THAT process went through five lines until I got my food, THEN THE BELL RANG!!!!!! I didn't even get to eat!!!
Luckily my Geometry teacher's class was right accross the main hall in the building the lunch room is in so I wasn't late and my last two classes are right next to each other in the annex. I missed my bus on the first day too because my bus doesn't meet behind the annex like all the others, it meets behind the bandhall=_____=

I did get all my classes, rooms, and teachers memorized by the second day though...that's a new record for me^-^.
Second day I got a nick-name...hopefully it doesn't stick. "Angel Fish" It's because my name is Angel and I'ma freshman (aka: Fish)

this year is going to be interesting...My Geometry teacher goes by "Papa G"!!! I love him!! Barely any homework and he lets us do crime-scene investigations too!!!
I also have to be at school at 6am in the morning for marching band and that I have had to do an essay on the second day...just so you know...

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20076957/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20076957/ Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:41:01 PDT
(1) Whenever Iruka and Kakashi have any screen time together, IRUKA BLUSHES!!!
(2) There are WAY to many sugjestive poses with Naruto and Sasuke (not just their first kiss)
(3) Sasuke shows emotions ONLY TO NARUTO.
(4) Naruto is more obsessed with Sasuke than he is with becoming the Hokage.(BIG DEAL HERE)
(5) Haku and Zabuza are the most canon pairing of them all because Haku is like, "I will serve Zabuza forever. He saved me. He is the only person that I will ever be with. He is my world, the only thing I live for." (that's practically word for word )


I'd do more, but I gotta leave soon for Marching Band. Wish me good luck that the pie I made is delicious for Mikey!!

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20069329/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20069329/ Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:52:01 PDT I typed out the whole thing. OH, and by the way, I baked a Banana Creme Pie or my "daddy" ^-^ (I'm a good girl, I hope he pats me on the head. I've always wanted a friend that does that)
____________________________________________________________
I, (the undersigned parent) , do solemnly swear to:
--- Refrain unnecessarily cruel humiliation of my child…I must treat my child with the respect every AZLE BAND member deserves.
--- Build a strong lasting friendship with my child, give him/her the help to make the transition to high school an enjoyable experience, and assist him/her thoroughly enjoy the first of the AZLE MGP BAND

I, (the undersigned child) , do solemnly swear to:
--- Obey my parent, and cooperate with his/her wishes (as common sense dictates).
--- Have a good, positive attitude about my parent, about the band, and about the adoption activities. Poor attitudes will NOT be tolerated!
--- Attempt to make my parent proud in every aspect of my band involvement: Marching, Musicianship, Attitude, and Performance.
--- Have fun and memorable freshman year with the AZLE MGP BAND!!
__________________________________________________________
The following activities are to be completed by the seniors and freshman, deadline being the first home football game in the year appointed. Those who wish to have total spirit in the band will most likely want to perform all of these activities. However, those who complete at least eight of these activities are invited to attend an ice cream sundae party on the night of the 31st, following the football game.
Once the activity is fulfilled, the senior and freshman must sign the blanks preceding the designated activity. There will also be an official proclamation of “official membership” into the AZLE MGP BAND for all that complete the terms above. Good luck and HAVE FUN!!
::ACTIVITIES::

1. My parent took me to a field to pick flowers for him/her.
2. My parent let me play my horn while being blindfolded and turning around in circles.
3. My parent and I stood on our heads in the band hall for one (1) minute in front of ten peers.
4. My parent took me to the movies and we saw ________________
5. My parent let me carry his/her horn from the parking lot to the band hall for one week.
6. My parent went bowling with me and a friend of my choice and their “arent”.
7. My parent danced with me all the way from the practice field to the band hall while I sang my favorite song, which was _____________.
8. My child took me to his/her house and fed me dinner.
9. My child serenaded me with a horn solo in front of three of my friends.
10. My child cooked me _________. (a desert – cookies, brownies, etc.)
11. My child made new finds today by hugging 10 upper classmen he/she didn’t know.
12. My child learned about spirit today when he/she sang the school song in front of the drum majors.

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20037805/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/20037805/ Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:52:52 PDT 'Oh shit....she's awake!!'

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19997198/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19997198/ Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:45:02 PDT I feel rebelious!! ^-^

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19877549/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19877549/ Sun, 10 Aug 2008 11:28:28 PDT I just got done reading "Absolute Boyfriend" on Onemanga.com and I'm WAY OVER EMOTIONAL!!! I really thought that Riiko and Night would be okay...at least until Riiko realized that Night is just a figure and that she can only be truly happy with Soushi, I wasn't expecting him to....die? It sure did seem like it was just any normal human death. “He went to sleep and he would never wake up again.” DAMN YOU OVER SENSITIVE EMOTIONS!!!

Well, not really, normally I would’ve laughed at this kind of thing and go on to the next manga…but this damn thing lasted too long and made me get used to Night and all the other characters, so now….well, I’m not on the verge of tears, but I’m feeling like I could cry at any moment!!!! DAMN!!!! I HATE feeling like this!!! I HATE crying...

Oh well…I’m happy for Soushi though. I was feeling like MAJOR sorry for him before, but now I’m like. “Good, you got the girl. Nice timing…heh.” WHY THE HELL AM I SO ENVIOUS?!!!!!!!

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19870394/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19870394/ Sat, 09 Aug 2008 22:21:03 PDT

no seriously. I think I'mhigh. is it possible to get high from reading manga? if so, then I seriously AM HIGH!!!!(that's all I've been doing for two days now)
I just proclaimed my love for the toilet =___= I think I've gone crazy...but wait, I'm still sain enough to know it!!!
Whee~

now I'm just going to tell you guys random things, 'cause I feel like it^-^

I'm drinkinqg a BIG mug of Dr. Pepper right now!
I wish that I had a boyfriend. Even if it was a robot/doll thingy (like in this manga that I'm reading)
the doll guy has human feelings, but he's NOT A HUMAN. It so totally GET'S TO ME!!! Plus, he's uber-delicious hot!!!

I've been thinking that if my cat were a real boy, I'd date him because he seems to love me...but then if he were a real boy then because he loves everyone that wil pet him, he'd be oogling at everyone!!!!

and thanks to me typing "a real boy" I'm now thinking of Pinocio(is that how you spell his name) speaking of which...I haven't seen that movie since I was...what? 9? 10? I don't know....



that was the biggest announcement of all time, wasn't it?

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19833952/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19833952/ Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:36:50 PDT
mainly and and [although, she could TALK TO ME MORE =____= ]


Runewolfe always talks to me even when I can tell that she's getting bored with whatever I'm talking about, AND she's hilarious with how she's so honest^-^
Dungeecount is definately going to be an artist when she grows up, she loves art just as much as me, maybe even not more!
and Sesshoumarunoanata was one of my besties in real life, and even though she doesn'tq really tqalk thatq much online with me...(not that much in actuality either) she at leat puts up with my foolish attitude


All these ladies are perfect examples of what friends are made of and I am absolutely honored to know them and to be able to speak with them every day! I love you girls!!

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19796874/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19796874/ Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:23:29 PDT
Naruto is probably one of the best series I have seen in the past two years. It's got everything you could ask for- fighting, romance, comedy, angst, and wonderful shounen-ai hints. The animation is very smooth and the music fits perfectly into each scene. Technically, Naruto is a masterpiece. As a side note, the anime is taken directly from the manga- dialogue, shots, and all. The only drawback to this is that the fight scenes tend to take a lot longer than most people like to sit for. But you can always fast forward.
Naruto is a story about a boy named, well, Naruto and his quest to become the best ninja in his village. But there is a huge obstacle in his way. Not only is he parentless, but he has the spirit of a nine tailed fox demon sealed inside him. All the people of the village are afraid of him and shun him for this reason. Together with the help of his sympathetic teachers Iruka and Kakashi and new-found friends Sakura and Sasuke, Naruto continues to fight against natural barriers in fighting and emotional barriers in the town.
As far as slashable series, this is one of the most slashable non-slash series I've ever seen. First of all, there is the obvious tension between Naruto and his rival/friend Sasuke which starts with an accidental kiss and progresses into a strong bond that could easily be seen as more. The fact that Sasuke remembers what Naruto tastes like helps along that assumption. Secondly, there is the famous pairing of Kakashi and Iruka- the two self appointed guardians of Naruto. They don't have much screen time together, but whenever Iruka sees Kakashi, he tends to blush and smile. Besides those two popular pairings, there are also Zabuza and Haku (the pairing that is canon), Gaara and Naurto (because they are so much alike at heart), Gai and Kakashi (eternal rivals), and much much more!
I strongly recommend this series both as a manga (which is being translated through Shonen Jump) and an anime. There is plenty of action, lots of gorgeous boys, amusing scenarios, and some things that can't even be described. Oh... plus keep some tissues around if you are inclined to feel for anime characters. All in all, this is a fantastic series which I believe is great for anyone.




I got this from a site called "Boysonboysonfilm.com" (it's a yaoi site) here's the link.[link]
it's HILARIOUS what's on there that's "slashable" in most people's eyes

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19734904/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19734904/ Sat, 02 Aug 2008 11:53:05 PDT I'M SERIOUS!!!! It even sounds like it in English too! It's not just the translation!!!!!!

watch it here---> [link]

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19683205/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19683205/ Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:15:43 PDT
I am begging you to read this, there is an online stalker (!jere1234, !Caeruleum, !kyakuchuu -- all the same person) who recently attacked a dear friend of mine,*Kays-elle-belle . DA has resolved the situation, but this situation is something people need to be cautious and aware of. He has been blocked but theres always a chance that he'll make another account. Im going to post what's in her journal and if you notice any patterns of similarity, please contact DA IMMEDIATELY. This guy has gone thorough great lengths to contact my friend such as making new accounts and pretending to be other people who he's not. If you would, PLEASE copy this entire message and let other DA members know about this threat. the more people know, the better chance users have of not becoming a victim. So please,read, copy and post this again so this information can spread and no one else gets hurt. There is safty in numbers and this sort of thing needs to be stopped!

Read on to see whats in her journal and if you have any questions, contact her here *Kays-elle-belle . She'd would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have so this can be prevented. Please let this word spread.

:devkays-elle-bell:'s Journal from this morning-

"I am begging you to read this, it will explain the last journal and also warn so this won't happen to YOU.

!jere1234 IS !Caeruleum IS !kyakuchuu.

This man is most likely a serial killer or sexual predator of some sort. Deviant art staff is handling this for me right now. The man originally added me as Jere1234 and then he notified me that he would be switching to Caeruleum. He asked that I add him. Thinking he was just some nice man who liked my artwork I said "Sure, why not?" On this account he began writing some poems about and TO my girlfriend Kayla, and I. I began to find this odd but being an overly naive and trusting person I was polite about it, commented the poems, thanked him, so on. He wrote a poem about a lifestyle choice that I thought he spent alot of time critisizing for being different than his own and I believe I posted a comment as simple as "Gosh, what have you got against that, anyhow?" The man literally flipped out. He not only wrote two journal entries condemning me and calling me things between immature and evil, but he also sent me notes telling me how "disappointed" he was with me. A man that I don't know in real life, have only talked to online for a few days, is "disappointed with me." He blocked me, and I blocked him back.

Not long after I began to get several favorites and then a watch from the account !kyakuchuu. I noticed the similar style of poetry and similar interests but I hate people who make assumptions and I'd rather not be one of them, so I just figured it was another poet with similar interests. "Kyakuchuu" soon after began calling Kayla and I "muses" and writing poems about us as well. 2KL he called them-- and informed me that this meant "To Kayla and Ellie" There is a numerous list of them in his gallery. He favorited absolutely every work of mine with Kayla in it along side of me and also any of my pictures that showed my feet. (foot fetishist, obsessive personality: bad sign) He wrote me notes telling of his extensive admiration for Kayla and I, his plans for other poems about us, thanking me for being his "inspiration". All of this seemed very creepy, but I was always thinking, what if this is really just some eccentric old man minding his own business, and he just hasn't got anything better to do. I would hate to just hurt some innocent old man by lashing out at him for no reason. HOWEVER upon talking to Kayla about this, she has taken criminal justice classes. She said that many of these traits sounded like BAD traits and BAD signs. She told me about a type of serial killer called "collecters" Who will collect information, pictures, anything about their subjects, and obsess over them, for a long time before they make any move. She told me that alot of the time these men will be too smart for their own good and seem kind of innocent but mostly very mysterious. I have never let on in this site where I live as far as I know, all of my friends sites that are nearbye me say they live in different places (Luxembourg, Canada, UK, anywhere...) and I was afraid that the longer I spoke to him and tried to be polite because I wasn't sure, the longer I had to slip up somehow and for him to figure out where I live if this was truly his intent.

Well hopefully DA will do something about this, no more little girls need to be preyed upon from the comfort of their own homes. I am not a stupid girl, just too naive. Now that I started investigating it further I have found that this is DEFINITELY the same man, seeing as his first site has some of the same poems that are placed on the second site, and the second site has NUMEROUS poems that are placed... ]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19629095/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19629095/ Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:10:54 PDT


-Name: Angelyn --- wow, I had to add my name into the dictionary on Microsoft Word
-Single or taken: Single
-Sex: Female
- Birthday: September 29th
- Sign: Libra (AND PROUD OF IT!)
- Hair color: reddish-golden
- Eye color: blue-green
- Height: 5'5" OH YEAH!!
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: umm…to be honest, I’m not sure

-----------• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •--------------

- Favorite place to shop for clothes?: Wall-mart
- Favorite designer?: don't care XD
- What is your sexiest outfit?: I guess my sleek black skirt with one of my fancy shirts?
- What is your most comfortable outfit: Well, in the heat of the Summer it would be any random t-shirt and my swim suit bottoms I wear the kind that end in the middle of my thighs, so it sorta looks like major short-shorts
- What do you usually wear?: nowadays….it would have to be any of my skirts, a black T-shirt, black tights, and my dog collar

--------------• × • S P E C I F I C S • × • -------------------

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Suave, normally coconut ^-^
- What are you listening to right now?: The cat making a mess of my room by shredding up a piece of paper…
- Who is the last person that called you?: in particular? That would be my best friend (since we were three) Brittany!!
- How many buddies are online right now?: 2 on DA

-------------• × • F A V O U R I T E S • × •-----------------

- Food: SUSHI!!!
- Girls' names: I guess it would be “Angel” I use that name for almost any girl character I make
- Boys' names: David x3 I don’t know why, I guess it has to do with the fact that all my “firsts” were with a guy named David. My dad, first kiss, first REAL French-kiss, and first major crush…not to mention something else that I would rather not put out there in my own words
- Subjects in school: any artistic class
- Animals: Wolves, cats, and oddly my very first favorite animal is the alligator

----------------• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •-------------

- Given anyone a bath?: My niece and nephew
- Smoked?: yes
- Bungee jumped?: No, too scared to try anyways.
- Made yourself throw up?: maybe.
- Ever been in love?: yes. I think I still am…
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: Yes I did that all the time when I was a kid! But now I can’t even cry when something sad happens around me. Unless it’s a death and I actually cared about the person that died.
- Cried when someone died?: Read up.
- Lied?: Who hasn't?
- Fallen for your best friend?: Yeah…see “Ever been in love?”
- Rejected someone?: I don’t know if I have or not…
- Used someone?: yes…but c’mon, who doesn’t like hot dogs?
- Done something you regret?: Again, who hasn't?

------------• × • C U R R E N T • × •--------------

- Clothes: My collar
- Desktop picture: I have no idea
- CD in player: "Beauty from Pain" by Superchick
- DVD in player: Shortbus (it’s not about retards people =__= )

----------------• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •----------------------

- Hugged: My big sister (that’s where I was all day today!)
- You IMed: I don’t know… I haven’t done that in like, FOREVER
- Talk to online: umm… I think… !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19599232/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19599232/ Fri, 25 Jul 2008 23:01:59 PDT BOTTOM....RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING....ENJOY...THIS SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN
YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMERS FOR YEARS....




1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with
loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5
minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you
throw it away ?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday,
Friday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you
can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain
that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong
with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you
still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might
find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
































THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:




Answers:

1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That
one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and
tomorrow!
5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English
language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

How did you do?

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19503031/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19503031/ Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:03:53 PDT
So this is where you come in!!
YOU get to decide for me!! Which should I do?

color, or greyscale?

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19451723/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19451723/ Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:24:56 PDT


Gravitation (AWSOME)
Yami no Matsuei(not enough yaoi, too much fighting...
Kyo Kara Maou(okay...same as Yami no Matsuei...)
Sukisyo (AWSOME-and CUTE!)
Kirepapa OVA (wish there was more)
Junjou Romantica(AWSOME-wish they would finnish the damn thing)
Loveless (way too cute!! )


I know I've seen more than that...but I can't seem to thinkc of what they are right now...if you have any more yaoi sugjestions(sp) please leave the name and a paragraph (like a dating site )

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19431282/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19431282/ Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:04:03 PDT and I know there's going to be an idiot out there that's going to be like this ----->


But anyways, that means that all I can do on the computer is basically check messages and read stuff...which is basically what I wanted to do, but I was also going to start working on some of these stories that I've been typing, once I get a couple chapters done-then I'll start posting them (I've got two of them going) one is a Twilight fanfiction, starring MWA!! and the other is my own original story(I'm starting a lot of those lately aren't I??) with fairies and YOU GUESSED IT, LOVE~

but in order for me to type comfortably, I kinda need to type at my regular speed, and let me tell you. I'm NOT...=___= I normally type about 75 words per minute. But now I'm guessing that I'm typing at a SLOW 30 words per minute. (slow for me at least)

I'll update you guys when I can start using my wrist again! <---- at least that's ONE thing I can still do with this thing...

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19047579/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19047579/ Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:01:34 PDT I guess Kishimoto didn't think that that sort o understanding of all writers was overrated...BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT SO...so close to home...I eel like I'm in Naruto's place for some reason...and one of my best friends is Iruka (you'd have to read the chapter to understand what I'm talking about with that)
He can't just up and die like that! I know he died in a battle and all...but he's one of the legendary sanin!!!! He's supposed to be able to defeat anyone and everyone!!! He was like a father to Naruto...no, more like a grandfather that's just taken care of him all his life (even though they only met when Naruto was about 12) They were like family! I can't believe it!!!

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19029287/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/19029287/ Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:12:19 PDT

on another note. My computer is being REALLY slow for NO reason what-so-ever. I'm wanting it to load up the movie "Howl's Moving castle" but it's just loading up bits and peices at a time. I thought that it would have enough time to load it when I went into the living room and watched most of a movie with my dad in there, but when I came back it was still in the same spot. I thought it froze right there on the screen so I pressed play, and it only played till about two minutes after the highlighted spot....=___=...now, I'm waiting on it to load...AGAIN...

Plus!! I can't change the mood on the journals (it won't load) so now I'm stuck with the mood "Llama" what the heck kind of a mood is that anyways??? I ony put it on there when I was doing these questionair things that my sister gave me. So NOW, I'm wondering - why compy? why? I've been good to you, haven't I? why are you doing this to mommy? I love you compy....WHY???? *goes hysterical* (I just spelt that wrong...I KNOW IT)

so...there's my pathetic life in a nutshell. like any o you care about my computer problems. but, i any of you have an answer to my MAIN QUESTION - "What are commissions" I'd be OH-SO-GREATFULL if you could help with that.

See yall' next time!

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18967665/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18967665/ Sat, 21 Jun 2008 13:47:31 PDT 's journal =^-^=

Leave me a comment and I will...

a) Tell you why I befriended you
b) Associate you with something - a song, a colour, a photo, a mental image, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you
d) Tell you a memory I have of you
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
f) You must copy/paste this into your journal so I can comment

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18844471/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18844471/ Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:19:32 PDT [link] ‘s account.



Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
(x) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) Dumped someone
() Been Fired
() Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5

Level 3
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
() Skipped Class
() Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
SO FAR:7

Level 4
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your deviantart / sheezyart Friends
() Been To Paris
() Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
() Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 9

Level 5
(x) Eaten Sushi
() Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone Through Internet
() Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 11

Level 6
() Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Liked/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 15

Level 7
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone mudding
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 20

Level 8
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
() Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO far: 24

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
() Felt An Earthquake
() Killed A Snake (NEVER)

SO FAR: 25
Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
() Been Robbed / Vandalized
() Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 27

Level 12
() Won A Contest
() Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
() Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 28
Level 13
() Had / Have Braces
() Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR : 29

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
() Witnessed A Crime
() Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 32

Level 15

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
() Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 35

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
() Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 39

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
() Kissed In The Rain
SO FAR: 42

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
() Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere

SO FAR: 45

Level 19
() Crashed A Party
() Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
() Had A Wish Come True
() Been Humped By A Monkey(I feel sorry for whomever HAS)

SO FAR: 46

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
() Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
(x) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 49

Level 21
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
() Kicked A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top(ish FUN)

SO FAR: 52

Level 22
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
() Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
() Recently stayed up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 54

Level 23
() Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
() Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone (I laugh at most of them^^)

SO FAR: 56

Level 24
(x) Believed In Ghosts (still do)
() Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
() Visited Jail

SO FAR: 58

Level 25
() Played Chicken (the heck is this?)
() Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
() Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
() Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused (still am )

SO FAR: 59

Level 26
() Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
() Made A Porn... ]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18844074/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18844074/ Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:53:48 PDT SesshoumaruNoAnata(AKA)Kylee^^ ~ Spontanious and silly [My underclassman]
RuneWolfe ~ HILARIOUS, and a yaoi fan {like me}
Simply-Love(AKA)Megann^^ ~ Weird and just plain too sweet for her own good [Also my underclassman]
NanaYuki ~ met her on Listal and she's in Collage
Silje91 ~ AWSOME at making anime charecters into real life [great discusionist]
Dungeecount ~ newest on here^^ [we just met a couple days ago, but I'm including you!]

_______________________________________________________
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason . If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. easy. be would life said. He just promised it would be worth it.





Today is sister's day, send this to all your sisters even me if I am like one.

If you get back 7, you are loved.

Happy Sister's Day!



I LOVE YA SISTA'!!!



Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I am only as strong as the coffee or tea I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have

To the cool women that have touched my life. Here's to you!



National Girlfriends Day

What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?

Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!



If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend.

Be Happy!

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT

TO YOU!

It is good be a woman:

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18838109/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18838109/ Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:47:05 PDT
Plus, I filled this out the other night. So some of the things aren't in "real time".


_________________________________________________________________
1. What time did you get up this morning? 4:00 pm
2. Diamonds or pearls? neither, I like my dog collar^^
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? umm...I think it was "Prince Caspian- Narnia"?
4. What is your favourite TV show? I don't really watch TV all that much anymore...
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? I woke up AFTER lunch...but I did stay up untill 9 am this morning...so trident gum? (what I'm always chewing)
6. What is your middle name? Diana
7. What food do you dislike? uhh...that's a HARD ONE...some salads, I guess (I like ceaser)
8. What is your favourite CD at moment? Mika Nakashima - Aishiteru
10. Favourite sandwich? Calzone (does it count?)
11. What characteristic do you despise? does "asking stupid questions" count?
12. Favourite item of clothing? My black "school girl" skirt
Q13 ?? who took that one out Mary did
14. Favourite brand of clothing? doesn't matter. as long as it's comfy^^
15. Where would you retire to? Japan or England where I have all the necessities I will need already and I wouldn't have to go out of the house except for partying (I'm retiring when I'm 30 XD)
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? September 29th, 2008 - the "recent" kinda makes you HAVE to choose the last one you had, doesn't it...=__=
17. Favourite sport to watch? Tennis
18. Furthest place you are sending this? umm...Mary's house??
19. Person you expect to send it back first? dunno
21. When is your birthday? September 29
22. Are you a morning person or a night person? all around person - but basically night time is my favorite XD

23. What is your shoe size? 9 or 10
24. Pets? WOW...1 cat, 2 turtles, 3 ducks, 3 rabbits, 4 goats, and 6 dogs (all are dachunds)
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I'm making my own anime series! (with horrible animation - YOU BET!)
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I'm STILL little (sorta) so...actress^^
27. How are you today? I am the cough-anator!
- where did Q28 go I ate it - XD
29. What is your favorite flower? umm...I like roses...
30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? right now...Father's day.
32. What is your full name? Angelyn Diana Crawford
33. What are you listening to right now? "Ketsui no Asa ni" by Aqua Times
34. What was the last thing you ate? Trident gum (actually, that's a current)
35. Do you wish on stars? sometimes...
36. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? puke green XD
37. How is the weather right now? dark with a chance of stars (it's nightime)
38. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My cousin, Sunny
39. Favourite soft drink? Root Beer (YUMMY)
40. Favourite restaurant? Any Chinese/Japanese place that has good sushi
41. Hair colour? auburn with strawberry streaks
42. What was your favourite toy as a child umm...my laptop XD
43. Summer or winter? WINTER
44. Hugs or kisses? depends on who they're from...
45. Chocolate or Vanilla? VANILLA (not a big fan of chocolate)
46. Coffee or tea? tea
47. Do you want your friends to email you back? Sure, why not?
48. When was the last time you cried? umm...at Six Flags...I think...
49. What is under your bed? another bed (I have a trundle)
50. What did you do last night? worked on coloring pictures on my computer and finished some work on other stuffs
51. What are you afraid of?... ]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18634319/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18634319/ Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:39:20 PDT I'm having way too many suicide thoughts and now I'm not caring about anything. I can't thinkc of anything to draw anymore and it's driving me nuts-plus I've never been so depressed. Is there anymore reasons for me to live anymore? I really need to know.
This may be a short little journal entry, but I just wanted to see if anyone even cared if I lived or died.

this weird mood I have has just got me in a loop where I don't care about anything. It's not that your words aren't soothing-it's just that I can't...seem to...care, no matter how hard I try to.
Plus, if the only reason is my friends, then that wouldn't be enough. I have no meaning. Where is MY meaning in life? I have no meaning!! What am I? I want to kill almost everyone I meet and I can't help it! All these plans going on in my head won't stop fluttering! I keep thinking that I have to die! I might end up hurting someone! I don't know what to do!!

I've been putting on this mask of happiness hoping that it would sink in ever since my brothers death when I was six. So far it hasn't worked. It's just a mask.I TRY to think happy thoughts, watch happy things, be with happy people. But it only makes me realise how worse I am. I'm a bottomfeeder whose trying to gain happiness from other people! I can't make happy things happen or have any happy thoughts because of this!...ah damn, I'm getting dizzy from all this...

Thank you.

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18092691/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/18092691/ Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:51:22 PDT For this mask is not me,
it will never be me.
no matter what you argue,
no matter what you say,
it will not be me.
Even if you say that the mask is a part of me,
you are mistaken,
you are fooled,
it is not me.

One day I wish,
that you can understand,
that you can see ME,
the REAL me.
For that will be my salvation,
my refuge,
my strength.

The few knowing looks,
that is what I wish for,
that is what I want.
Confusing those I want to know,
confusing those I don't,
pretending is second nature to me.

There are still the few,
that know me true,
and they are my best friends.
If you are my friend,
you laugh, you play,
with the plastic doll I made for you.
If you are my best friend,
you cry, you pain,
with the REAL me, the true me, the suffering me.

Thank you, both of you...

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17653959/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17653959/ Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:46:36 PDT
I have lasted four years with keeping my sadness bottled up. I think I can manage to keep them in here a bit longer (maybe).

Even after four years I STILL don’t know how to express myself without humiliation falling into my pity. There’s not much anyone can do to help, if it’s ME that isn’t able to tell them my plans for the past and the future.

I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this dead body standing with an empty soul inside that’s barely able to sustain itself, let alone try and stabilize another thing altogether.

On the outside, everyday, I smile with my mask. Underneath it I’m just a scared little ten-year-old girl that’s afraid of what will happen to everybody around her and crying her eyes out because of it.

Even with the Warm Place, it wasn’t as much help as it seemed. That was only the art class where I MADE my mask.

Also all the therapists I had, they only gave me distractions from my pain, like toys. They didn’t talk or anything, they just sat there and got little troubles that were bothering me RIGHT THEN, not stuff from my past.

Honestly, I CAN’T just talk about my problems. I think that if I ever have the chance, I should go to hypnotherapy. I’ve seen it on TV and I think that’s the only way that they can truly get anything out of me.

When I bite on my lip, I’m either thinking about something or I’m trying not to laugh or cry.

In the pit of sorrow I’m in now, it’s hard to even get up in the morning and ACT happy.

I find myself practicing jokes and smiles without even thinking about it. I do this every morning in front of the mirror.

Happy or sad thoughts, if they’re about things I’ve lost then I cry no matter what.

(12-3-07)I got blamed today for putting “kill me” on the desk. Then I got questioned about it by my classmates AND my teacher. This just made me cry all the way to 7th period. I almost tried to run away from school, but I didn’t.

(12-4-07)I saw a star up in the sky. No other star up there. It’s almost as if Aaron thought that he should come and check on me through that star. If he saw what happened to me yesterday, he probably would.

(12-4-07)Even though it’s the day that I SHOULD mourn, I can’t even shed a single tear and I feel like my mask is still on.

Aaron was/is my favorite sibling, and he would be turning 20 today if he was still alive.

(12-4-07)I’ll try being truthful to anyone that asks today but I know that if I talk, I’ll cry. I’ve already cried twice today and school hasn’t even started yet.

(12-4-07)It’s still hard to believe that it’s been four years…I still wonder what he would look like if he were still alive.

I just heard “accidents occur”…boy THAT brings back memories…horrible ones.

Everyone says, “Come talk to me if you need any help.” That’s just it!! I CAN’T talk about my problems. So in theory, I can’t get any help.

No wonder I feel so empty. Every time and Angel cries, a piece of her heart falls.

(12-4-07)I just found out that my Aunt Bonnie was found dead in her house today. My mom called me into the living room and told me, “Shelly called saying that no one had seen Aunt Bonnie in a week, so she sent some police to her house to check up on her. She was found dead in her garage.” She was gone. My favorite aunt, gone…and on Aaron’s birthday too?! I was already depressed enough as it is!!!

God! Is this some kind of sick punishment? What did we do? Why Aaron’s birthday? Why not in January, just like with all the other deaths we had?!

I know that I shouldn’t be yelling at God. But, I don’t know who to yell at. For some reason I’m mad. God, please help my mother…and definitely help Shelly. She was Bonnie’s only daughter. My mom said that she raised Bonnie like her own child when they were growing up. So please help them the most. I KNOW they’re hurting more.

(December 8th, 2007)
The funeral for my Aunt bonnie was sad, then horrible, then funny. Let me explain what I mean. Everyone in the family came to the funeral. The songs that were playing were ones that reflected best on Bonnie as a person. After the funeral part was done, everyone got in their cars and we started off toward the cemetery with hearse in front.
We had an idiot driving the hearse. First off, he led us to the WRONG CEMETARY, then when we turned around to go to the right one HE SPED OFF LEAVING US THERE!!! My parents and I had to lead everyone to the right church. The only reason w... ]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17614135/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17614135/ Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:59:05 PDT Diplomaitic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easygoing and sociable
Idealistic and peaceable
Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily infuenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent

___Cool stuff about Libras____
Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.

They have good critical faculty and are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment to be made on them. But they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions, for once they have reached a conclusion, its truth seems to them self-evident; and among their faults is an impatience of criticism and a greed for approval. But their characters are on the whole balanced, diplomatic and even tempered.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality.
Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

Both sexes can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle.

In their work the description "lazy Libra" which is sometimes given is actually more alliterative than true. Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work. Although some are modestly content, others are extremely ambitious.

____Likes and Dislikes____
LIKES
The finer things in life
Sharing
conviviality
Gentleness (YESSS!!!)

DISLIKES
Violence
Injustice
Brutishness
Being a slave to fashion (I would NEVER!!!)

____LIBRAS with LIBRAS____
Enchanting pairing. Go ahead and enjoy, but be careful, there is the possibility for trouble for these two. The biggest problem may be unresolved conflicts, as neither want to stir the pot when differences appear. Equally demonstrative, lively, warm, sociable, in love with beautiful things, A problem is that neither wants to face reality. Though they are charming, peace loving, and adaptable, each needs a stronger balance than the other can provide.

With so much beauty and potential in this relationship, it's easy to see why these two signs attract each other in the first place. Both are ruled by Venus, planet of beauty, and will find the other irresistible.
Libra gets along with Libra great, this is a pretty fair match, just strive for balance.

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17396124/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17396124/ Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:12:12 PDT
Why is "Abbreviation" such a long word?

Why doctors call their proffesion, "Practice"?

If the sun darkens your skin, why does it brighten your hair?

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Those who laugh last, are the slowest

Into every life, some rain must fall; usually when your car windows are down.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.

((say this to an emo person)) Well, aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Of all the people I know, you're one of them.

When all else fails, follow the instructions.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Computers are not intelligent, they only think they are.

Always turn the radio on before you listen to it.

]]> !ynangel http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17355553/ http://ynangel.deviantart.com/journal/17355553/ Sat, 15 Mar 2008 23:34:52 PDT

++story of that day from my perspective=sad thing is that I can clearly remember this and I still have nightmares about it++
It was Friday January 30th, I was riding the bus home and there was reck up ahead. We went by it and I didn't see any bodies or anything. There were police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances. When I got off that bus to get on another that takes me to my house a little boy that rode that bus with me came over. His name was Bobby. He said that he saw a boy in the ambulance and at the time I had no idea that it was my brother. I just looked up at the sky and said, "Well, at least we know he's in a better place now." When I got home, my mom was still at work and it was just my dad and I. The police came to our house and when we walked outside the told me to go back in. I was worried that my dad was going to jail. He wasn't. He came in and told me after I questioned him that my brother, Aaron, was dead. He was ran over in front of the Hardy Boy's Store. I ran into my room crying and just drew untill my hands were sore-still crying. I can still hear my mother's wailing and wrecking in my head when I remember this day.


My dad only coped with sleeping almost 24/7 and my mom, well she hasn't worked another day since and keeps insisting that she knows everything about me. Me? I just do what my mother says. Like going to therapy and the "Warm Place". Warm Place is a childrens thing for kids that have lost someone close to them. THAT only helped me realize that there are other people kids out there that are like me. Every day I bottle up my sadness so that my friends and family suspect nothing. When I am sad, they worry too much. So I tried doing something about it, twice. Neither one worked because of people decided to help me right before I took the last step. Even though the greif camps are fun, it doesn't really help. Nothing does. It just gives me more things to do rather than other things I dare not think of.

My aunt died on December 4th of 2007, when I was 14. December 4th was Aaron's birthday and again, I cried. The whole family did. I was already depressed because of the date, but then I find out that my favorite Aunt is dead and the funeral is on my OTHER brother's birthday. I can hardly keep the hole in my chest closed up. I'm about to explode. But for some reason I can actually keep myself together. I just wish that death wasn't hovering over my shoulder. My parents are getting older every day and I know that my dad won't last for as much as I want him to. He's a smoking, diabetic, workaholic that is 58 years old. And my mom has diabetes and fiber mialgia. She's hurting herself every time I turn around (exageration) and I can't help but to worry about her too. She's 57 years old. My whole family is old compared to any other family. All my cousins and siblings are around 30 or are older and I can only wish that I die before any of them do. But then I stop those thoughts all together because I start thinking of the people that love me. It would hurt my parents too much to loose another child. I can hear my mother's wailing every time I think of suicide, so I try not to. And so I wait, for my natural death, being too overly concious of my surroundings for any accidents to occur. But I keep my upbeat attitude. What you see is a mask, that's all there is to it.

I haven't prayed a REAL prayer sinse the night of my brother's funeral. My self esteem lowers every day thanks to plastics-but it rises a little at least once a week from my guy friends giving me compliments on SOMETHING. My one and only big dog, Racu, died EXACTLY a year after my brother-he died of a heart attack and I envy you for actually BEING with your dog when he died. We don't even know where we buried him. We got more dogs, but they were all dauchounds. 2006 my dog, Nova, died by being ripped to shreds by neighborhood dogs that teamed up on him. My cat, Scrappy, died too. only cat I will ever love EVER. But the worst thing about it, is that it was m own father who killed her. He took her somewhere and did it without even telling me untill he got back. My Christianity level only rises when I listen to Christian rock music and it lowers when I go to church. Every single lesson makes me feel bad and gets me to actually think about my life and how it's... ]]> !ynangel