http://search.deviantart.com/?q=by:yourbootsownme&section=today deviantART RSS for by:yourbootsownme en-us Copyright 2009, deviantART.com Mon, 21 Dec 2009 23:22:20 PST deviantART.com http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://s.deviantart.com/minish/widgets/apple-touch-icon-precomposed.png http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/17587904/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/17587904/ Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:51:05 PDT
You can visit Toby the Helpful Kitty's website at [link] or see the merchandise at [link]

There is also a spwecial section of Whining Kent Pig stuff, for those of you with a sarcastic sense of humor...

]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/15625441/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/15625441/ Thu, 22 Nov 2007 18:17:29 PST
If you want to read my personal writing, especially stories of my incarceration, the best way is to visit my blog at [link] or to read my monthly newsletter Eternal Sunshine at [link]

I'll post some of our wedding photos once they are finished!

]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/13469415/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/13469415/ Sun, 24 Jun 2007 08:37:45 PDT
]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/9621171/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/9621171/ Sun, 06 Aug 2006 19:35:23 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/9146965/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/9146965/ Thu, 22 Jun 2006 10:45:16 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/8571259/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/8571259/ Mon, 24 Apr 2006 13:06:23 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/8541832/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/8541832/ Fri, 21 Apr 2006 14:10:47 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1336698/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1336698/ Wed, 29 Oct 2003 07:43:17 PST ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1284009/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1284009/ Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:02:51 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1270403/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1270403/ Mon, 13 Oct 2003 06:20:40 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1210512/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1210512/ Sat, 27 Sep 2003 17:38:10 PDT
I've got this weekend plus 3 more weekends before I become a celebrated guest of the government.

Then instead of hoping time crawls, like I am now, I have to change gears and hope for time to move quickly.

I do have things I hope I can accomplish while I'm away though.

Get my teeth fixed.

Work out some.

Read alot.

Take some classes, as many as I can.

Write my book, "the book" on my childhood and family...the one I've talked about for 15 years, the one everyone I know tells me they want to read, but the one I keep thinking nobody will ever give a crap about...

Maybe work on a few screenplay ideas...

Write lots of letters, hopefully receive some too...

Work on my mental illnesses... ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1176449/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1176449/ Thu, 18 Sep 2003 14:07:14 PDT ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1147599/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1147599/ Wed, 10 Sep 2003 13:26:58 PDT
Still no idea where I'll be going or exactly how long I'll be gone. Right now it looks like 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years. Bummer.

Trying to get everything organized before I leave. Not too much left to do. Now I just need to collect as many kinky sex fantasy memories as possible, to think about when I get lonely! ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1109492/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1109492/ Fri, 29 Aug 2003 11:08:05 PDT
Saturday is my "going away" party for work, even though I am not going away until hopefully the beginning of October. That seems so far away sometimes, and so horribly close other times.

I woke up with a horrendous toothache this morning. My jaw is still throbbing. I must have been grining my teeth something terrible last night.

I was going to comment on how my anxiety over my departure is making me deeply crave some of my sexual fantasies being fulfilled, but I'd probably be better off leaving that one alone.

My father and his wife Barbara will be coming to town on the 10th and 11th. At least I'll get to see them before I go. ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1086483/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1086483/ Thu, 21 Aug 2003 15:26:42 PDT
Nothing? Nothing, tra la la? ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1080113/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1080113/ Thu, 21 Aug 2003 15:27:19 PDT
Although everyone agrees I need some counseling and therapy, he decided there wasn't much point in starting that as I only have 6 to 8 weeks of freedom left.

I'm sorry I haven't had as much time to comment on people's photos. I look at every deviation posted by people on my watch list (and that's 20 or 25 deviants now) but I haven't been commenting unless the mood strikes me. I also haven't had quite as much time int he past 10 days to browse the general submissions.

Thoughts For Today:

The trouble with kinky sex is the more you get it the more you desperately need it. And the kinkier you want it to be!

Maple sugar candies rule!

Those new boxy Honda SUV's are sooooo ugly.

Joe Jackson Band Volume 4 is a wonderful CD. I don't get tired of it.

I'll miss going to the movies... ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1071296/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1071296/ Sat, 16 Aug 2003 07:20:43 PDT
My father and his wife Barbara made special plans to fly down for my sentencing on September 11. They waiting until 30 days before to buy their tickets in case the court changed the date.

As you might expect, I got a letter in the mail yesterday changing the date to September 18. Too late to change their tickets, so I'll spend the 11th with them and they won't be able to attend the sentencing.

Tuesday of this week I will meet my new pre-trial services officer. Now that I moved into Heather's place I live in a different county, so I have to deal directly with the district office. This new guy sounds like he has *NO* sense of humor. We'll see...

I guess the positive is I have an extra week of freedom, but the downside is I have an extra week to wait before I can get started looking towards my release. ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1036929/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1036929/ Tue, 05 Aug 2003 14:02:03 PDT
It is realy quite comforting to wake up next to Heather each morning, and to return to her apartment each evening. No more leaving late on Sunday nights, no more guilt over the cats being by themselves.

I still have some problems with having invaded her space and clutterign things up so completely. Her fridge is filled with food I bought, her cabinets with things I brought in...I hope I'm not causing Heather too much stress and inconvenience. I try to be as helpful as possible, but (as I know all too well) my irritating habits and personality can be like fingernails on a chalkboard to most people.

I had such deep self-loathing this weekend. I can't explain why or attach a specific cause. Sometimes I feel trapped in this skin, and I want to peel it off in chunks so I can be free at last. Unfortunately the skin includes my brain.

Whine in prison I hope to discover why I hate myself so much, so I can finally once and for all forgive myself for whatever it was I've done wrong..
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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1018490/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1018490/ Fri, 01 Aug 2003 11:23:49 PDT
First of all, I'm officially 100% moved out of my old apartment. Nothing else to pack, few items to unpack, nothing to lug up and down stairs in humid 100 degree weather. The cats are happy at Heather's place and so am I.

Second of all, Alisa has started in the office (she arrived yesterday afternoon) which has taken a TREMENDOUS load off my shoulders at work. I can concentrate on my immediate duties, and leave the driver dispatch chores to her. She's smart, funny and knows what she is doing.

September 11, 2003 still looms as my sentencing date but I am not afraid - I just gotta do what I gotta do, serve my time and get on with the rest of my life.

Heather's birthday is this weekend. I'm sure I'll make it a major disappointment but that's to be expected....
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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1005522/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/1005522/ Tue, 29 Jul 2003 15:08:04 PDT
Instead I am stuck here. I know it, and they know it, so they can work me to death without having to reward me, and without worrying about me walking out.

I suppose the upside is that after continual non-stop stress here for weeks on end, prison might seem like a vacation. As I haven't taken a vacation since 1989 it might be a relief not to be worried about work for a while...

Too bad I have no talent whatsoever, or I'd get some decent photos in my gallery....at least I think my fave list is pretty good..
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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/995158/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/995158/ Sun, 27 Jul 2003 09:38:35 PDT
The cats seem to be adjusting okay to the new place. Tigger in particular has already claimed her personal areas, and while she is a bit affection-starved today otherwise she is acting normally. Footy is still clearly uncomfortable but at least she comes out from under the bed for some love now and then.

I'm probably just tired and out of sorts from the move. Too much stress, too much to worry about, and my eating and sleeping patterns are out of whack. That's one thing I won't have to worry about in prison - they tell you when to get up, when to eat, and when to go to sleep.

Ever since elementary school I've hated that dread of Sunday afternoons. In the back of your mind you can feel the realization that your free time is coming to a rapid close, and you've accomplished none of the things you planned. The few things you did actually complete seem pointless and wasteful.

I need to learn how to relax. I think I'm missing that gene. There are very few ways I am able to shut my brain off - even drugs and alcohol have never been entirely successful in that endeavor. With them I was still able to look at myself critically...I just didn't care quite so much.

If I am ever successful in channeling some of this energy I use on self-hatred into some true creative work - my book, a screenplay, a play - I will have to give myself at least SOME credit. I'm not holding my breath though..
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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/987815/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/987815/ Fri, 25 Jul 2003 12:30:43 PDT
By tonight Footy and Tigger will be in their new home, and tomorrow the movers come to pick up all the heavy stuff which will then be put in storage. Over the course of next week I'll get the last few things out of there and into Heather's apartment (or storage or the trash).

The last 18 months were basically the only time of my life I've ever lived alone. In many ways I enjoyed that sort of privacy immensely. Eat what I want when I want, leave the radio or lights or television on all night if I please...when you live alone you don't need to worry about anyone else's immediate needs.

Most of that freedom is lost when you're in a relationship, so I suppose during at least half of the time I've lived here I wasn't completely at liberty. Maybe just once or twice a week.

I've tried to fight against my packrat genes and throw things away, especially now. Just tossing about 30 video tapes I will never watch again was a big thing for me. I still feel guilty about taking up space in Heather's apartment, invading her world so completely. Good old guilt, my lifelong best friend!
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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/974883/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/974883/ Tue, 22 Jul 2003 13:52:15 PDT
Its hard with animals, they can't just come out and tell you "I've had enough"...you have to make those decisions for them and hope you're doing the right thing.

I'll miss her, but I miss all the cats I've put to sleep over the years so that's nothing new.

Meanwhile I continue to pack, pack, pack preparing for moving this weekend. I will still have a few days to move my last items but the big stuff all happens Saturday.

I guess it isn't that big a deal - my move in September is much more major!

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-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/962700/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/962700/ Sat, 19 Jul 2003 12:40:28 PDT
Instead its the finality of packing everything up (and putting most of it in storage) that drags me down. Once I no longer have my own place, mentally I'll already be looking ahead to September and being sent away for what is an unknown period of time. It could be six months...it could be three years...there is just no way to know right now.

That is one thing I've been able to learn in the past 10 months: if you can't control it, try not to worry about it.

At "prison school" on Thursday one of the speakers tried to emphasize that point. In prison, you have no control. You can either have a bitter, angry attitude and make everything harder on yourself, or you can just relax and do your time.

And that is what I plan to do. Relax and do my time. I'll attempt to make the most of it certainly...take come classes if I am able to, get some therapy and counseling, look deep within myself...maybe I can find some beauty in there after all? Do some writing, as much as I can, and reading. Mind my own business.

The hardest part will be the hardest part of my normal life - trying to avoid all those overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Oh well, I can't expect miracles!-------> Its better to be traveling than to arrive ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/952003/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/952003/ Wed, 16 Jul 2003 12:24:16 PDT
I generally regard every aspect of my life as a failure in one way or another, and put 99% of the blame on myself. I'm supposed to have intelligence, more than I need I guess, but I have done absolutely nothing with it.

I reflect on my current job, and all the ones I've had before it, and one of the most frustrating positions they put me in, time and time again, is that I never really ACCOMPLISH anything. Its like delivering mail - no matter how much work you finish just as much comes in behind it. And when I worked on Wall Street it was the same thing...as soon as one order is executed there is another one to worry about.

The complication is that I think my fear or failure is to blame for a good deal of these circumstances. If I never finish anything, I never have to experience the letdown from a lack of acceptance.

How else can I explain never finishing my book? Never getting more than a few pages into my screenplays? Ignoring every original thought or idea that comes into my mind?

What did I do that was so wrong, what do I blame myself for that was so horrible as to require my constant agony? If I need to forgive myself before I stop hating myself, don't I need to figure out what I did that requires forgiveness?

Tomorrow I'll be going to a "class" on prison life. I'm sure I'll learn more of what to expect. I don't fear prison, I seem more concerned with getting things in order BEFORE I go in, and worrying about what life will be like AFTER I get out. The time in between is just something I'll deal with on a daily basis.

I build up such walls, take such pride in revealing to the world what an unworthy ass I am, it is no wonder I'm left with a very short list of friends I can turn to for confort.

Get your pens ready folks! I'll need all the letters I can get! ]]> ~yourbootsownme http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/948270/ http://yourbootsownme.deviantart.com/journal/948270/ Tue, 15 Jul 2003 13:37:32 PDT
My court officer says I need therapy, and for f-'s sake I know she's right. I probably need therapy AND medication. I just haven't been willing to help myself because I've spent the last 20 years helping others...my ex-wife, my ex-girlfriend...running their lives, spending all my energy trying to solve their problems and fulfill their needs. I'm pretty sure this is the same reason I rarely get sick - because I do not ALLOW myself the luxury of getting sick, for fear it might stop me from taking care of whatever outrageous responsibilities I've dumped on myself.

About 60 days to go...the countdown continues... ]]> ~yourbootsownme