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]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/5163768/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/5163768/ Sat, 23 Apr 2005 02:19:26 PDT
And such things are not dependant on negative outcomes. No great disaster is needed. Heroism, lives in us all. Being the man that women need. Being the woman that men need.

It is not only in the respect that we have to all people, who are equally as lost and lied to as us. But also in that we can go above and beyond the call of what is asked of us, to do what we are intrinsicly designed to do.

Love.

With all of our hearts. Without fear, and without fail.

To bring life into eachother. Because we cannot bring life into ourselves... ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/5121380/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/5121380/ Mon, 18 Apr 2005 14:18:22 PDT
When it really comes down to it... My favorite form of art is Pencil. I haven't touched a pencil this semester except to take tests. But...

All the work I've been doing is Digital... I wanted to...

I wanted to keep my pencil style I realized. But at the same time I saw the Gods of artwork and anime. The pros. Their fine lines, and their wonderful beautiful illustrations.

I think I made the right choice. But I still...

I want to take my pencil and draw, and think that it's the best thing ever..



I mean... My artwork has significantly improved, but... Some people. They look surprised when I tell them that I've never touched a colored pencil before. Never held a brush. Only smelled paint.

I went to University to find myself.

I didn't 'know' I'd go into graphic design. I choose it because I saw these amazing people in there... But as for me... I surprise some people, but I'm nothing compared to these others artists..

It all goes back to... My Media teacher in Brooklyn Tech. Heh.

I was cutting every single day, and I had to break into the school just to reach my Media Class. I 'really' don't remember his name...

I was totally kickass in Math and English.

I Bombed history. I used to cut PE to swim in the Pool. LOL, I acted like I couldn't speak English to keep swimming.

He always told me. Change Majors. The only thing I've got going for me in any field is hard work. But I've got no consistency and no creativity. Just these shorts bursts. I find inspiration, I use it and drain myself.

...

Truth is, after that I tried alot of stuff. Odd Jobs in New York, from Moving Boxes, to fixing Lazer Tag Suits, and then Network Admin.

But I'm always drawing.

The only thing I really like is taking a pencil. A 'real' pencil. Against a long sheet of recycled paper. And making a curved line. Over and over and over. It becomes a deeper line.

Sometimes, I get angled lines from it.

Sometimes I get circles.

But, that doesn't make me an artist. ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/4621180/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/4621180/ Sat, 19 Feb 2005 10:08:58 PST
And in a sense I was.

Watching people carry their trays, those things that you only thought you saw in yourself. But they're in other people as well. Forgetting your fork, just because someone talked to you. Always going to the wrong line, when you know of a more efficient way. Leaving your coat behind as you put away your tray.

I wonder, if everyone else whose sitting alone at their tables, are also watching what I see. Is that why they look out? Or are they doing it to seem unaware, of the people staring at them ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2610088/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2610088/ Tue, 08 Jun 2004 03:45:33 PDT
I wake up with this song in my head every single morning.

It hurts my heart. But it's during these times that I'm most alone. What I'm about to say, is going to seem very conceited... But please believe me. I am not.

---

So great. Is the numbers that have stopped caring. The rules are no longer in how much we can help others, but in how we can justify our injustices.

Whether people have chosen Attention or Materialism as their God.

So few, are able to press past their pride. This is the message that I long to send out. That there are people in the world that can place others as their priority BEFORE themselves.

There are lives that people live, so rich because the things they recieve are never requested... And the things they give are never demanded...

The Love they have for others have no conditions. They're meant to last. And sometimes they don't have as much as we have. But unlike us, it's 'enough'...

To us, it's never enough. Because we've lost our way.

---

This is the message I long to send out... But I can't.

Too many people in this world don't care. They want to find another temporary relationship, they want the next leveling game, they want the next movie to come out. Just waiting to get their next laugh in...

The things, that never last. ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2154141/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2154141/ Sun, 04 Apr 2004 22:33:16 PDT
In the past month... I've removed EXE from their registry so that it can't run music or any programs... I've scratched the CD laser, so that it can't play CDs from their stereo.

I've disconnected the antennae wire from the stereo so that they can't listen to...

Country music.

---

It's my fault, I know it is. But I hate country music, and... It's not just that. My roommate hates techno and classical music which is what I listen to. However, I always wear headphones, I do my best to never bother.

And my roommate can't seem to use a pair of headphones.

Must the music be so loud that everyone in the dorm can hear?

Do I HAVE to know HOW "sexy his tractor" can be?

---

But at the same time.. Is it right to take my roommate's stuff into my own hands for the sake of disliking their music and their inconsiderate nature? ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2047923/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2047923/ Sat, 20 Mar 2004 08:24:48 PST
That Naivety and Innocence are two completely different things. While they may go hand in hand together, it's been proven that psychologically/christianly that we are suppose to lose our Naivety, but retain our innocence.

However, in a sinful world, precisely how to you become aware, and not become desensitized. Few people remember, that innocence isn't really a thing that only children can keep. And that innocence, can be 'recovered'.

---

I remember telling people how unstable relationships are. How just by realizing what the person is involved in, or what they do, or their mannerisms. More importantly their pride. Will destroy the relationship. And yet... The answer is always the same "You don't know that, you've never been in Love before" "We're different from everyone else"

There is no sense in their answers, no awareness of what they're saying. And beneath that... I 'have' been in Love before.

But... It didn't ever mean that I took action on it.

There are more important things in life than fulfilling an idiotic fantasy of doing all the things you're told not to, and getting yourself hurt. Spiritually, Academically, Physically, and Financially.

Although, that mode of thinking lead me to be a slut throughout highschool...

---

So... There's this person. I met them while I was in New York, on my spring break. Asian and still in highschool... Talks with this voice that's so... Innocent.

Let's be honest with myself though, this person is naive. Probably the same as every other person I met in Highschool. Some weak, underegotistical nothing.

Cute though... Dangerously cute.

See... A part of me wants to join this person's world. Their innocent little world, just to get away from mine. When this person talks to me... I notice two things... One, Doesn't believe that I could ever really become a complete 'part' of their world. And yet, this person wants me to be.

It's like seeing a puppy that wants to play with a cat, but won't be able to show their new friend to the rest of it's litter.

---

A part of me, wonders what innocent sex would be like. I've always seemed to pride myself on fucking without the bullshit. But what happens when, all that other stuff is... Not BS.

Will it feel the same? Will it be boring?

Will it be better or as so many romantacists would put it [The best feeling in the world]?

All I can think about is that, somewhere in Highschool, I stopped living my life and I seperated me from myself. Like watching everything I did as if someone else were doing it. Or that I was watching something happen to someone else.

When I talk to this person, I feel like I'm living my life again. ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2008426/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/2008426/ Sun, 14 Mar 2004 03:10:00 PST
Even, when you really think to yourself. That this feeling is only brought on because you believe that you are worth more than the worth that has already been placed upon you.

Even though the mind knows that. The heart seems to want more.

This desire is wrong, I know it is. And while I can preach that, I could be just as well a hypocrite.

Especially when I know, another way to live... ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/1960183/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/1960183/ Sat, 06 Mar 2004 00:50:08 PST
Or why people curse. In fact. The 'why' issue is rarely ever brought up. The only thing that I see in the ONline world is What, How, When. People desperately seeking to fill their void, with fantasies that can only satisfy a base desire...

Most of which, seem to only mirror image what's happened in the latest movies. Including the statements to forget the 'why'.

I was just 'made' this way. Who cares, it's cool. It's bad to think too much.

But that's not substance. That's not anything that will satisfy. It's just like being sheep. And sheep all end up in the same place. ]]> ~zhouwuatsien http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/1946694/ http://zhouwuatsien.deviantart.com/journal/1946694/ Wed, 03 Mar 2004 17:07:01 PST
Eventually though, I went and got a 'life'. And realized that while the people there had a better sense of reality. They weren't much better than the ONline. At least before I had an idea that perhaps there was something better.

And I still hold that idea, I just always thought it would be better ONline. Now, I just have no where else to go. I wish I had the time to spend ONline. But nothing really keeps me here, just like nothing really keeps me in reality.

Either way it's work to me. ]]> ~zhouwuatsien