I'm lying -

I'm not okay

Another piece of trash somehow
managed to puncture my lungs
and now I can't even
find the strength to
keep fighting

Soot flows out of my mouth
mixed in with dirty gems
glistening a rusty red
and I can't stop it
because I don't want
to let anyone down

But don't you know?
big girls don't cry
until they get to the safety
of their bedrooms and still then
they'll never admit it

Can't you see?
I'm nothing like you
think I am

I'm not smart
and I'm not stupid
and I'm not okay either
because when I'm in pain,
I laugh

Even my body is
getting good
at lying